


Devil's Fate

by lpfan503, Penelope_Ink



Series: Devil's Series [3]
Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, bennoda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:34:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 334,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25363957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lpfan503/pseuds/lpfan503, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penelope_Ink/pseuds/Penelope_Ink
Summary: Life after the loft is leading Mike and Chester, Ryan, and Jason down different paths. All four of them struggle to control their own choices instead of letting their past shape their decisions.
Relationships: Bennoda - Relationship, Chester Bennington/Mike Shinoda, Jason Shinoda/Ryan Shuck
Series: Devil's Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1490126
Comments: 7
Kudos: 4





	1. Panty Shopping

Mike Shinoda stood in front of the _Blick_ acrylics display and carefully selected only the colors he was out of, not every color he wished he could afford. He loved the smell of the _Blue Rooster Art Supplies_ shop he’d been going to for years. The smell of paint - acrylics and watercolors - and canvases, was one that was embedded into his soul. Art had always been a hobby, one his parents had indulged in their typical well-to-do Los Angeles way. Nothing but the best, expensive supplies for their son, so long as he paid attention to his studies. Mike had never lost his penchant for the good stuff, despite his now limited resources. 

He mentally calculated the cost of the tubes in his hand, subtracting it from what he was allowing himself to spend. It was such a large number compared to the small tubes of paint, and he sighed. Money was tight, the way he knew it would be when he started music school at the University of Southern California. Three months in, and he still wasn’t used to the reduced teaching hours at _Red Pelican_ that cut his paycheck by two-thirds. He bit his bottom lip and picked up one more tube, Cobalt Turquoise, and did the math again. Everything was fine. He’d get the canvases in the sizes he wanted, and they would be able to leave. 

Mike turned and looked at his boyfriend, who was poking around another display with a wrinkled nose. He couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on Chester’s face. Where Mike adored the smell of paint, Chester Bennington was still not used to the scents that wafted through the air when Mike was working on a project. The smell of the inside of the art store was like that, multiplied. A wave of fondness crashed over Mike as he watched Chester, his eyes skimming over the growing chocolate brown curls, his lip ring, and down to the flame tattoos that were peeking out of the long sleeved shirt his boyfriend was wearing. Chester was reaching for a tube of paint, and Mike cocked his head to the side, watching, wondering what Chester would be doing with a tube of acrylic.

“Whatcha got?” he asked, amusement in his voice as he stepped over to Chester and squinted to see what was in his hand. “Did you start painting and I don’t know about it?” he teased.

Chester looked over. “No. Smart ass,” he said with a soft snort. “I just like the color.” He held up the tube of paint, which was labeled _pink cosmos_. “What do you think, Sexy Boy? Would it go with your collection?” He had no idea what he was talking about, but he figured one more color in Mike’s stash of paint wouldn’t hurt. _And it’s a pretty color._

Chester watched as Mike swiped his bangs from his eyes, and stared down at the paint tubes already in his hand. “I’ll chip in and pay for this one,” Chester offered, wiggling the _pink cosmos_ around. “But you have to promise me you’ll paint something pretty with it.” 

Mike didn’t even hesitate. He reached for the tube of pink and added it to his collection. “I’ll paint you whatever you want,” he said, leaning over and kissing Chester softly, right in the middle of the paint aisle. “I’ll paint you a sunrise. Those are the perfect colors for the morning sky.”

Chester’s hands went right to the front of Mike’s blue flannel shirt. “I love sunrises,” he whispered close to his boyfriend’s ear. “And sunsets. Pink sunsets,” he decided, already picturing the future painting in his mind. “With some stars poking out. Maybe a shooting star.” Chester’s eyes widened at the thought as he pulled back to catch Mike’s black eyes. “A pink sunset with a shooting star. That’s what I want.” 

“Then that’s what you’ll get.” Mike nodded his head toward the back wall. “You can even pick out what size canvas you want. They’re buy one get one free right now, which is perfect.” He stepped back and motioned with his hand. “After you, babe.” 

Chester scanned the wall. There were canvases of every size and even a variety of shapes. He stood for a minute, sucking on his lip ring and debating which one would fit his pink cosmos sunset. “I kinda like this little one,” he mentioned as he pointed to a four by four canvas. 

“It’s so tiny,” Mike said as he reached for it. “You planning to keep this one in my small ass apartment or something?” He tossed Chester a teasing smile. It didn’t bother him at all that slowly, over the last three months, more and more of Chester’s belongings had migrated from the room he was still living in at Amir’s to Mike’s on-campus apartment. Somehow, every time something of Chester’s arrived, they found a space for it. First it was Chester’s favorite skillet, then a few more pieces of cookware. There was a small collection of plates and cups and bowls, stashed in the rectangular cabinet above the two-burner stove that Chester had a love hate relationship with. There were hair products, pajama pants, and shoes, all mixed in among Mike’s things in the closet meant for only one. But every time something new came into the apartment, Mike was grateful for it. Chester’s belongings at his place meant they were together, even though they technically didn’t share the same address. 

“That’s a good idea,” Chester decided quickly. “We can keep it at the apartment. It won’t take up much room.” He batted his eyes at Mike, even though he knew it wasn’t needed. Over the course of the last three months, he’d uttered the words _it won’t take up much room_ more times than he could count. Mike never said no. 

“Oh look!” Chester said with an excited gasp. He pointed at a line of small black A-frame stands. “We can get it a little stand.” He was already across the space, picking up one that looked like it would fit well with his tiny canvas. “We can put it on the end table in the living room.”

Mike visualized the “living room”, which was really more a multi-functional room that held the couch and one end table, a bookcase with a television perched on top, and his piano against the bar that separated the kitchen from the living space. When Chester was there with him, they both sat on the couch, or on the bar stools that stayed on the kitchen side of the bar. _Unless we’re in bed. We spend more time in bed than on the couch._ Mike smirked. “We’d see it more if we put it on the nightstand in the bedroom,” he offered with a flip of his hand. 

“The bedroom,” Chester repeated with a shake of his head. “If we’re putting a tiny painting in the bedroom, I want something naughty. Oh, naked us!” His mouth was still open as he thought about it. “Well maybe not exactly us...but maybe two guys in a fun position.” He elbowed Mike playfully before he turned back toward the wall of canvases. “I got my stuff. What are you getting? They’re on sale, you should get at least a couple. It’s saving money.” 

“I know how much I can spend,” Mike mumbled absently, looking over the canvases. He hadn’t intended to buy too much today. “Besides, there’s not a lot of room to store stuff. I’ll run out of room under the bed pretty soon.” He handed another four by four square to Chester. “Here, that’s the free one. And then I want these sixteen by twenty ones. And that’s it for today. It’s enough to keep me occupied for a while. Oh! And I need a new sketchbook. Mine’s almost full.” He grabbed the two larger canvases and started toward the aisle with the sketchbooks. He had a favorite, and it wouldn’t require any debate. He’d just pick up one of the hardcover, spiral, top bound books and they’d be finished. 

Chester followed, the two tiny canvases and little stand in hand. “You just bought one last month,” he stated. “Not that I’m complaining, I’m just saying. You go through sketchbooks like I go through hair product.” He had to snort at his own comment. “Okay, that’s a lie. I go through more.” Reflexively he shoved his hand through the curls on his head. It was currently free of dye, but it still took work to keep it up to Score standards, which was only slightly higher than Chester’s personal scale of grooming.

Mike let the hair product comment slide. “I can’t help it. I doodle during class. It’s hard to sit still for that long and listen. Drawing keeps me focused.” He piled all the supplies on the counter to pay for them, turning to Chester to take the pink paint and the canvases and frame from him. “Here, I got it.” 

“Are you sure?” Chester asked, even as he handed over his items. He knew he was adding probably thirty dollars to Mike’s bill. Thirty dollars his boyfriend wasn’t planning on spending. “I can pay for mine,” he restated, already pulling his wallet out.

“You can buy me something later. I’m making it for you. Doesn’t make sense for you to buy your own gift.” Mike shook his head. The moment Chester wanted the tube of pink paint he’d recalculated what he was spending and made room in his purchase for what his boyfriend wanted. Chester didn’t say anything else as the cashier typed everything into the computer and took his money. There was only one bag, with everything in it, when they left the art store.

“So what else is on the agenda today?” Mike asked, swinging the art bag in one hand while holding Chester’s hand in the other. New supplies always made him happy. “I don’t have anything major this weekend, with mid-terms out of the way. All I need to do is work on my recital stuff a little bit, but I want to take advantage of this study-free weekend.” 

Chester shrugged as they walked toward the car. They’d already stuffed themselves full on cheese enchiladas, and taken a quick walk on the beach. The art store was the last thing on their official to-do list, and that was taken care of. Chester pulled his sunglasses from the collar of his shirt and popped them on his face. “I’m not back on Score duty till Tuesday, so I’m all yours all weekend.” He was about to suggest they drop by the store before heading back to campus, knowing he’d be spending the whole weekend in the small apartment he already called ‘home’ in his head. If they went to the store now, they wouldn’t have to go out again. He was ready to make dinner suggestions, just as a sign in one of the store windows caught his attention. 

“Half off!” he read out loud. “Look! They’re having a half off sale on socks!” He was already pulling Mike by the hand over to the glass doors that led into Glam Envy Boutique. “I can always use more socks. I bet they’re amazing!” 

Mike didn’t resist, despite the momentary thought of where they would put any more socks. He let Chester pull him into the shop, realizing only after they were inside that it was a women’s clothing store. Or more accurately, a women’s lingerie store. He licked his lips as he looked around, following Chester’s beeline to the giant sock display. There was a lot to look at in the small space that smelled like flowers and vanilla. “Ches,” he whispered, “there’s a ton of stuff in here!” 

Chester already had a pair of socks in each hand. “I know! Isn’t this awesome! I like these,” he said, holding up the black and yellow striped socks. “And these are cute, too.” He took off his sunglasses and propped them up on his head of dark curls before he eyeballed the socks with snowflakes on them. They were cute, but not cute enough. “No, no snow. It’s not even winter.” He put them back, and picked up a pair with green As running across the top and over the toes, and then another pair that had red and black music notes on them. “These would be cute on you, Sexy Boy.” 

Mike pulled his attention from the circular display of lacey panties next to them and looked at the socks. “I could wear those to my recital. For good luck.” 

“Done,” Chester agreed, keeping the music note socks. He smiled at Mike, before he went back to searching. There were so many socks, so many possibilities. There was a woman with a blonde ponytail a few feet away, a pair of black socks with green shamrocks on them in her hand, and Chester raised his eyebrow. _Is that the only pair like that? I’ll fight her for them._ He took a step closer, trying to act like he wasn’t interested, just to get a better look at the socks she wasn’t putting down.

Mike stepped away from the socks. He couldn’t help it. He liked Chester’s socks, but there was a greater interest for him in the display next to the socks. He had really never spent a lot of time thinking about women’s underwear, and the vast number of different cuts and fabrics on the panty table surprised him. He stood a foot or so away from them, a safe distance, and looked at the prints. There were polka dots, zebra stripes, solid colors, and some with little glitter patterns. There was a lacey looking cut with a tag that read “boy shorts” and Mike snorted under his breath. It was comical to think that scrap of fabric was like anything he would wear. _But they’re kind of like that pair of panties Ches came home in that one time. I love those panties. I wonder if he’d be up for buying more panties. Damn it. I shouldn’t have bought so much paint._

He glanced over at Chester and then reached out, snagging a pair of the black boy shorts with lace around the top and leg openings, and pink polka dots all over them. He rubbed his fingers over the fabric and tried to imagine what the cut of those panties would look like on Chester’s small ass. It only took a moment of visualizing that for his pulse to pick up. Mike stood there, thinking, wondering if he should just go buy them himself, or ask Chester first. 

“Shamrocks are bad luck,” Chester told the woman with the blonde ponytail, pointing to the socks in her hand. “I’d be careful.” He left it at that. The seed was planted, and now he just had to wait out her decision. He wasn’t shocked by the sideways glance she gave him before rolling her eyes and walking away. _Uh. Well, fine,_ Chester grumbled in his head before he gave up. He didn’t need the shamrock socks anyway. He could find something cooler. 

He spun around to look some more, but caught Mike out of the corner of his eye. “I promise I’m hurrying,” he said half over his shoulder. “There’s so much to choose from.” 

“You’re fine,” Mike called back. “I’m just looking around.” He kept the black and pink panties in one hand and tucked his art supply bag up under his arm so he could look around some more. He wished Chester would just pick some socks so they could talk about panties. “I’ll be over here when you decide,” he said, motioning at the next display, which held more colors and styles.

Chester nodded, his eyes glued to the socks in front of him. He ordered himself to calm down and concentrate. He knew Mike didn’t have half the interest he had in socks. _I need a number. How many should I get? I have Mike’s music notes, and the black and yellow ones….so two more,_ he decided. He needed two more pairs and that would be it. 

It didn’t take long. Chester found a white pair with wavy gray pinstripes, and then a longer black pair, decorated with sparkly pink butterflies. He held them out in front of him as he walked over to meet his boyfriend. “I’m ready. What do you think of these? They’re knee-highs,” he stated as he held them down close to his legs to show their length. “I’ve never owned a pair before, but I love the butterflies.” 

Mike took one look at the black and pink socks, and held out the panties he’d been holding. “They match these panties I found,” he said a bit breathlessly. “I’m all for those socks, Ches. What would you think about getting these, too? They match,” he stated proudly, though he knew that Chester had already determined that with his eye for fashion. 

It took a second for Chester to process what was being asked. His mind was on socks, and switching gears to lacey panties wasn’t instant. “Let me see.” He took the undergarment from Mike, careful not to drop his four pairs of socks in the process. “They’re kinda like the pink ones I used to have.” His brow furrowed. He went to ask what happened to those, the ones he’d been sent home from work in so many months ago, but stopped. He knew he hadn’t taken them with him when he’d exited the loft, and he hadn’t seen them since. “They’re cute,” he finally decided, rubbing his fingers against the soft material. “I don’t think these are cut the same as my old pink ones, but I like them.”

Mike nodded, stepping closer to Chester and getting his lips right next to his boyfriend’s ear. “You would look so sexy in those,” he whispered, letting his breath wash over every bit of Chester’s ear. He even kissed the shell of his ear quickly. “And I don’t know… knee highs might be kinda hot, too.” 

A shiver ran down Chester’s body. “Fuck, yeah,” he whispered back. His hold on the panties tightened. “I know what I’m wearing to bed tonight.” He turned his head, grazing his lips over Mike’s slowly before suggesting they hurry up so they could get back home.

All Mike could think about as he followed Chester to the counter to pay for the socks and panties was how much he wanted to see the combination on his lover. He’d always thought Chester’s socks were cute, but the knee highs with their sparkly butterflies had the potential to be a huge turn on. Chester’s calves were nicely toned and Mike could imagine how the dark stretchy fabric would accentuate that, leaving an expanse of pale skin on the backs of Chester’s legs before the dark lacey panties molded to his ass. It was hard to stand back and let Chester pay without reaching out to grab at him.

The past week had been hard. So many hours had been spent in the university practice rooms and library preparing for his mid-term exams, and by the time he’d gotten back to the apartment, all Mike wanted to do was sleep. Chester had kept him well fed, though, and patiently supported him while he stressed over his tests and slept like a brick. Now that it was all over, for now, Mike was ready for some intimacy. He hated how the apartment shower was too small for them to share.

When they turned away, Chester’s purchases wrapped in scented tissue paper and tucked into a pink bag, Mike slid his arm around Chester’s waist. “All I want to do is go home, but once we get there I’m not going anywhere else. Do we need to stop anywhere else? Grocery store or anything?” He nuzzled his lips to the side of Chester’s face as they walked. 

“Yeah, we should stop at the store before heading home. I was thinking steaks for dinner. Steaks and onion rings,” he clarified. He smiled when Mike left him, jumping ahead to open the door for him. Chester put his sunglasses back on as they walked out into the sunlight. “And we need milk,” he added. “I’d suggest something for dessert, but I think I’ve got that right here.” He lifted the pink bag with a grin on his face. 

Subconsciously Mike licked his lips. “You’re right. I don’t need dessert when I have you. And fuck, steak and onion rings sounds good.” His hand went right to Chester’s back again after they passed through the door. “I don’t know how you manage in that kitchen, but I’m glad that you do. I’d be eating canned soup and cereal without you.” 

Chester grimaced. “Luckily that’s not the case. You’d waste away on me.” He pretended to pout for a second. “Okay, so the plan is grocery store and then home. Is that it?” He thought over everything he knew he had at Mike’s campus apartment. At this point, he could stay over on a whim and not have to worry about having clothes or toiletries there. He was currently living a two toothbrush lifestyle - one at Mike’s and one at Amir’s. “I don’t need anything from my other place,” he mentioned.

“The plan is, fastest grocery store trip ever, then home, so I can watch you cook in those knee highs.” Mike stopped at the passenger door to Chester’s car and turned to his boyfriend. “Please, put them on while you make dinner. I promise I’ll let you do your thing, I just want to watch you. I’ll stay out of your way.” 

Chester giggled softly before petting his hand over Mike’s beard. “Okay,” he promised. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll cook and you can do your recital practice, so after dinner we can escape to the bedroom.” He wiggled his eyebrows before he let Mike go and opened the door for him. 

Mike was nodding along as he got into the car. “We can spend the rest of the night in there,” he affirmed before Chester shut the door and quickly reappeared at the other side of the car. They didn’t need to say anything else. Plans for the evening were set, and Mike reached across the seat to lace his fingers through Chester’s before he looked out the window. “I love you,” he added. “Let’s get on home.” 

Chester kissed the back of Mike’s hand before he pulled his back. As much as he loved holding hands, he really needed both of his to drive in the L.A. traffic. Thankfully he and Mike had spent the whole of their lives living in the city, and they could navigate it with ease. Backroads and shortcuts quickly got them to the market, and then back to campus, just as the sun was headed down. 

It was Saturday evening, which meant the line of campus apartments was extra busy with light and sound. Parties over the weekends weren’t uncommon, though Mike and Chester had decided early on to keep to themselves. They were older than a lot of the fresh faced teens on site, and besides, partying with a bunch of eighteen year olds wasn’t going to get them anywhere closer to the goals they’d set. Mike needed to graduate so he could land his dream job, and they both wanted to get a place of their own. A real house that would just be theirs. Those things didn’t happen by guzzling beer all weekend or staying up till all hours of the night and passing out on strangers’ couches. 

It made life on campus more simple, keeping all the drama away. After life at YRS and the fiasco of living with Jason and Ryan for six months afterwards, the couple relished in being alone. It was a thought that crossed Chester’s mind often, especially when he was in the small apartment bathroom, though he wasn’t sure why. There was a diamond shaped mirror over the sink, which he hated, and the vanity was dinky. Every drawer was stuffed full of his and Mike’s bathroom and hygiene supplies. The shower was laughable, and not even big enough for them to share a wet embrace. 

But it was theirs, at least for the most part. _I know I’m not supposed to be staying over, but it feels like we live here together._ It was on that thought that Chester turned to eye the knee-high socks, panties, and black v-neck t-shirt that were waiting for him on the lid of the toilet seat. His shower was done, and after towel drying his hair, it was time to get dressed. 

He picked the pile of clothing up and sat them on the vanity. The panties would be first. He held them up to his front, covering his cock as he looked down and smiled. He was pretty sure they were going to look spectacular. He just hoped they wouldn’t be too tight or confining. 

Without too much trouble, he slipped them on. It took a little adjusting, getting everything to sit right in the undergarment that wasn’t meant for someone with a dick and balls. He had to tug a little at the top and pull them down a little at the bottom, but they fit. “Sweeet,” he cooed to himself, trying to twist around to see his ass, since the bathroom mirror was useless for seeing anything other than your head and shoulders. He slid both hands down his ass cheeks, smiling at the feel of the lacey material. Just like his pink panties from Score, these were soft and felt nice against his skin and fingertips. “Sexy Boy is going to swoon.” 

It was an indulgent thought, and Chester quickly grabbed his new socks next. He sat down on the toilet seat and pulled them on. He grinned as he stretched one leg out at a time, admiring the stretchy black material and sparkling pink butterflies. He wiggled his toes before he stood up and looked down at himself. His pale, hairy legs looked a little off in the space between the knee-highs and the panties, but he didn’t care. _I’m not a chick. My hairy legs rock._

He grabbed his v-neck next. If he wasn’t going to go cook sizzling steaks, he’d leave the shirt off altogether, but he knew better. He tugged it over his head, and after smoothing his hands down the front of it and checking on his hair one more time, he was ready. He opened the door, flipped off the bathroom light and headed out toward the kitchen. “Sexy Boy!” he called as he went. “You did a good job picking out these panties. I love them.” 

Mike was on the couch, an open music history book in his hands despite telling himself earlier he wasn’t going to do any homework. His hair was still damp from his own shower and he was in a simple white t-shirt and gray and black plaid pajama pants. The sight of Chester in the knee highs and panties made him feel strangely overdressed but that thought was only fleeting. His mouth dropped open when Chester walked by nonchalantly on his way to the kitchen. Mike got a full on view of Chester from behind and the way the lace cupped up under the crease where his legs met his ass cheeks. 

“Whoa,” he managed to get out as Chester rounded the bar. _I know I promised to leave him alone and let him cook, but he looks sexy as hell._ Mike didn’t even think to save his place in the chapter he’d been reading. He closed the thick music book and set it down on the couch, making his way over to the small doorway that led into the kitchen. Chester’s back was still to him as he started pulling things together on the little bit of bare countertop. He leaned against the doorframe for a moment and just stared. He couldn’t wait to run his hands over the tall knee high socks and kiss the bare skin above them. _And all the skin below those panties, too. Every. Last. Inch._

Mike blew out a slow breath, his face breaking into an eager smile. “You look amazing,” he offered, the same breathless tone in his voice that had been present in the lingerie store.

The steaks were already out resting on the counter, and the oven was warming up. Chester turned around the moment he heard Mike’s voice. The kitchen space was small, so they were only a few feet from each other. “Thanks,” he said, sliding his hands down his sides, and grabbing the hem of his t-shirt pulling it up to show off the panties in full view. “I like the way these are cut.” He wiggled his hips and turned around, sticking his ass out towards Mike. “They fit a little better than the other ones I had.” 

“Um… mmmhmm,” Mike hummed, his eyes right on Chester’s ass. He reached forward and then quickly pulled his hand back. He wasn’t supposed to be touching. “I like how these fit. They make your ass look so squeezable. Fuck,” he breathed, his hands tingling from wanting to touch his lover. “Uhhh… how long until the steaks are done?” He was ready to tell Chester to just cook them tomorrow. He could skip a meal if it meant he could get closer to Chester faster. 

“It’s going to be a little bit,” Chester said, before he turned back to the food. There would be time to tease Mike later. “Go finish studying or practicing, or whatever. I have to get the rings in the oven, and the steaks on.” He shooed Mike away without looking at him. If he encouraged his boyfriend at all, he knew what would happen. Mike would have him up against the bar, grinding into his backside as they kissed and taunted each other. It would be fun in its own way, but not as much fun as going to the bedroom without any concerns later. 

“But… Ches,” Mike started to whine, until he saw the shake of his boyfriend’s head. It wasn’t fair, at least not in his opinion. Having Chester dressed up in the kitchen was the biggest tease ever. The last thing Mike wanted to do was sit down and practice, but Chester was going about his business in the kitchen and not paying Mike any attention. Mike knew he was deliberately ignoring him, and that made it all the more intoxicating. “Fine,” he mumbled, moving to sit down at his keyboard. Studying was out for now. The only thing he could think about was Chester in panties, and he didn’t stop to analyze why that turned him on so much. He just started practicing, his hands on autopilot while he tried to sneak peeks at his boyfriend.

“Hey, you’re the one that begged me to put everything on for you while I cook,” Chester reminded his boyfriend as he glanced over his shoulder. “So you can stay right there behind the barrier,” he said with an impish laugh. “My side, and your side.” 

Mike knew Chester was right, but that didn’t make it any better. “Well, I didn’t know you were going to look so yummy. I mean, I had an idea,” he said coyly. “But it’s better in real life than I thought. And music history is super boring in comparison.” He had the sound turned down lower than usual on his keyboard so he could hear every teasing word Chester sent his way. 

Chester popped the onion rings in the oven and set his timer, even though he didn’t really need it. His nose would tell him when they were done. “Glad I top music history,” he said with a smirk before he grabbed his cast iron skillet from the hook off the wall. With such limited cabinet space, he had to be creative with where to store everything. The peg board at the end of the kitchen with hooks attached had turned out to be a great place to hang a few skillets. 

He got it to the stove, ready to get the heat on when he decided he wanted a drink. He smacked his lips together a few times as he opened the small refrigerator, which was only half the size of a normal one. His eyebrows furrowed immediately. “Did we not bring the Vanilla Cokes in from the car?” he asked, turning to see Mike watching him closely. 

Mike looked around. There weren’t too many places in the apartment that a twelve pack of Vanilla Coke could hide. “I guess not. I don’t remember grabbing them. I was way too anxious to get inside.” He stood up and reached for Chester’s keys on the bar. “Want me to go grab them?”

“Yes, please. Can’t believe we forgot them. Shame on you, Sexy Boy.” He flashed Mike a silly look before he turned back to the skillet that was heating up quickly. 

“I know, I’m the worst,” Mike called over his shoulder. He already had one foot out the door, on the way to get the soda that Chester apparently needed. _At least it’s passing time. When I get back up here I’m closer to dinner which means we’re closer to going to bed. I’m so ready to go to bed._ He didn’t think twice about his pajama pants on his way to the parking lot. It didn’t make any difference to him if anyone saw him ready for a night at home instead of partying. Mike already had a reputation around the music building for being studious and serious, and he was perfectly fine with that. 

Chester heard the door close, and the apartment went quiet. He was ready to get their steaks on. He knew they would cook quickly, and the onion rings were already on their way. All his senses tingled as he laid the steaks into the hot skillet, the smell of onions, garlic, and paprika hitting his nose as they sizzled. 

He stepped back, letting them do their work while he washed his hands. He took down two plates and set them on the bar, along with the ketchup and Mike’s favorite A-1 steak sauce. Forks and knives were next, and after everything was ready to go, with just the food to wait on, Chester’s attention turned to his cell phone. It was sitting on the bar, silent. 

_Ry never texted me back._

He picked it up, his hopes that he’d simply missed the notification gone when he looked at the home screen that contained no new messages. He even went into his text thread with Ryan, just to stare at his last message. 

**Chester:** _What are you up to tonight?_

It was one question of many that had gone back and forth with Ryan, questions that were slow to be answered, and the answers were coming across in only a few words. _It used to not be like this. We used to text paragraphs to each other. Now I wait hours for one and two word answers. He says he’s not mad at me or anything, but...it’s like he doesn’t even like to talk to me anymore._

Chester dropped his head as he set his cell phone back on the bar. Over the last few months, his very tight friendship with Ryan Shuck had morphed into something he didn’t recognize. He knew part of that was his own doing, with the new boundaries he had put between them. No kissing. No touching. No sharing of sexual conquests. 

It had brought a more subdued nature to their friendship. Chester was working hard to make Mike his priority when it came to his free time, and that was another change with Ryan. _But now it feels like we don’t spend enough time together. And he looks terrible lately._

Chester thought back to the week before, the last time he’d physically seen Ryan. The other man had shown up to Score with bags under his bloodshot eyes and a general lethargic appearance. Talinda had sent him through makeup three times before Forrest finally decided he looked well enough for the shoot. Ryan’s only defense was, “I’m tired.” 

_He says he’s tired all the time now. Every time I say anything about how he looks, he tells me he’s tired. Tired and stressed. But he won’t tell me why._ Chester pursed his lips in thought. Ryan had always been a bright-eyed, energetic person. It was painful to see that slowly seep away, along with their closeness. _I know he’s spending time with Rob. I know he’s drinking a lot. I don’t want him to hurt himself._

Chester rubbed his arms in worry. Their twice a week nights together had turned into once a week, or sometimes not even that. Ryan refused to say much about Rob, other than passing comments of having just come from being with Rob or that he needed to go because he was meeting Rob. Every question Chester had, Ryan shrugged off and quickly changed the subject. Chester knew that meant that whatever they were doing together, Ryan wasn’t proud of it. 

_Rob’s not a serious boyfriend, and Ry doesn’t even call him that. He denies they’re boyfriends. So it’s like...all sex and no strings? I know that’s not what Ry wants._ The thought wasn’t a new one, and just like every other time he thought about Ryan’s state of being too much, he started to feel uneasy. He wasn’t sure how to help his friend, who seemed to be pushing him away more and more as the weeks turned into months.

_As long as he doesn’t get fired. If he keeps showing up to work, then I guess that’s a good sign of something. Maybe he just needs more time while he’s getting over Jason. Fuck, it’s been months. Maybe it’s not just about missing Jay...but he won’t tell me. I can’t help if he won’t talk to me._

That was it. Chester wasn’t going to let himself get too upset over a situation he couldn’t control. Not tonight. He had a meal to finish cooking, and he was standing in panties and knee-high socks, just for his boyfriend. Worrying about Ryan wouldn’t lead to anything good. He shoved all thoughts of his friend away, and instead concentrated on their steaks, which were ready to be turned. 

Outside, Mike grabbed the Vanilla Cokes from their forgotten spot behind the driver’s seat and was on his way back to the apartment. The night air felt chilly on his damp hair and he walked faster, causing the Adidas slides on his feet to slap against his heels as he made his way back up the sidewalk. He was on the second floor landing, ready to turn right and go down the hallway to his place, when he caught sight of Matt coming his direction.

Matthias Harris was a graduate student, only slightly older than Mike, with a lanky build that looked a little strange on someone six feet tall. He was a piano and composition major, a teaching assistant, and also took it upon himself to be the apartment building watchdog. Mike sucked in a breath as they neared each other. He already knew what was coming before the dark haired man stopped in front of him. “Hey, Matt,” he offered first. “Heading out for the night?” 

“On my way to Dan’s. He’s having a party,” Matt explained, smoothing his hands over his hair. “You should join us. You’re not really an undergrad.” He liked Mike, thought he was talented, and it was nice to have someone in the piano studio who wasn’t an eighteen year old egotistical nightmare. “You never come out. I know you’re not really into the other guys, but we don’t do all that beer drinking and weed smoking. Just hanging out, you’d get to know some of my friends. The older guys.” 

Mike shook his head. “Thanks for the invite, but I’m ready to crash for the night. See?” He motioned to his pajama pants. “Mid-terms wore me out.”

Matt’s eyes narrowed and instead of looking at Mike’s attire, he looked over Mike’s shoulder, out at the parking lot. “Oh, I see your boyfriend is here. _Again._ ” 

Mike sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed on it nervously for a second. He knew what the rules were, and overnight guests weren’t exactly forbidden, but it was frowned upon to have people over several nights in a row. He and Chester had gotten good at remembering to park Chester’s car in a different _guest parking_ spot each night, but it wasn’t like hiding the red sports car was possible. Even people they didn’t know knew exactly what Chester’s car looked like, and which apartment the driver spent all of his time in. Mike just hoped most of the people in the building assumed that Chester was a student. “Yeah, he’s here,” he said cautiously. Mike wanted to stay on Matt’s good side, and lying about Chester wouldn’t help with that. The easier things stayed between him and the T.A., the better things would be at school. All of the professors thought highly of Matt, and Mike didn’t want the other man to utter a negative word about him to anyone who controlled his degree.

“It’s hard to miss a car like that. What does he do again?” Matt asked, his eyes flicking back to Mike’s.

“He works for Score clothing.” It was such a relief to be able to say Chester’s job to others. Mike smiled as he thought of how far they had come from the YRS days already. “And I know it’s hard to miss. We try to keep it on the downlow.”

Matt cocked his head to the side. He wanted very badly to know why Mike Shinoda lived on campus if his boyfriend made enough money to be driving a Mercedes. It was one of the mysterious things he talked about with his friends, ever since he’d noticed Mike had a boyfriend. They had all been interested in the new pianist in the studio, his dark eyes and shaggy dark hair, and the way he kept to himself. Matt was the one who noticed Chester’s car and put it all together just a few weeks into the fall semester. “You better be careful not to make the wrong person mad,” he said with a half smile. “I’m not sure what the penalty is for having someone living with you, Mike, but it would suck to get kicked out of university housing. Everything around here that’s not on campus is expensive.” 

He took a step toward Mike, like he was about to step around him to leave, and Mike was relieved. He was ready to get on with his evening with Chester, and the black and pink panties and knee highs he’d left his boyfriend in. But Matt reached out, patting his forearm, and Mike looked down at his hand first, then at Matt’s face. 

“Good luck keeping that a secret. Maybe you’ll find dating someone at school is a whole lot easier.” Matt winked at him and squeezed his forearm, then left Mike standing with his mouth open as he made his way to the stairs. “One of these days, you’ll come out with us, Shinoda!” he yelled behind him, and then he was out of sight.

****  
TBC


	2. A New Home

Mike stood dumbfounded, clutching the Vanilla Coke in one hand. _Did he just hit on me?_ He shook his head and tried to get his thoughts in order. He knew Chester wasn’t supposed to be spending every night at his apartment, but he really didn’t think it was that big of a deal. _But Matt made it sound like they’d kick me out if they knew. But why? Maybe because he’s not paying to stay here. I should ask Matt, he seems to know. But if he was hitting on me, I don’t want to encourage that. How awkward would that get? And he teaches my music theory class. I don’t want him thinking I’m interested in him at all!_

He started walking again, making his way down the hall with the soda. It wasn’t going to do any good to worry about it now, and he certainly didn’t want any of his conversation with Matt to ruin his evening with Chester. All of that conversation and the questions it brought up would have to be addressed later. 

He opened the apartment door and stepped inside to the glorious smell of sizzling steaks and onion rings. “Got the Cokes,” he said as he locked the front door, then walked over to the refrigerator. “If you want one you’ll have to have ice. They won’t be cold in time for dinner.” 

Like a magnet, Mike’s hand was drawn to Chester’s black and pink polka dotted ass. He lightly ran his hand over the panties before he stuffed the Cokes inside the fridge. A shiver ran down his spine when he felt the soft texture of the fabric over Chester’s warm skin. “I can’t wait for dessert,” he husked, kissing the soft spot right behind Chester’s ear before he stepped away, like a good boy.

Chester smiled the moment he felt Mike’s hand on his ass. Memories of the last pair of panties he owned came rushing back, and the magical - and very sexy - time they’d had with them. The feel of being touched through the lacey fabric was very different from his regular underwear, and Chester was ready for more. 

“I’m ready for dessert, too. But I want a Coke now.” He turned away from the steaks. “Come on, Sexy Boy, pour me a glass?” He pulled his lip ring in and sucked on it, knowing that’s where Mike’s attention would go. Knowing it would get his boyfriend to do as he asked. “We’ve got about five minutes left,” he stated, letting his tongue slide slowly over his piercing now. “And then the food is ready…and I’m thirsting to death.” 

Mike watched Chester for a moment, the way his little pink tongue moved over the lip ring and across his bottom lip. “You’re killing me, Ches,” he whined. His dick was definitely taking notice of everything Chester was doing, and dinner was the last thing on his mind - for once. He clenched his hands into fists to keep from reaching out for Chester and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “I want to toss you on the bed and have my way with you.” Mike lifted his eyebrows as he tried to joke around. It only took two steps for Mike to get two glasses, and then another step back to the left to get ice and the Cokes. He popped the tops and poured the Coke over the ice, and then took three more steps over to the bar, plunking them down in front of the plates Chester had already set out. “I’ll just sit over here and drool over you,” he decided, folding his hands into his lap and trying not to squirm. 

“Just a few more minutes and these are done,” Chester assured him before he turned around and leaned his butt against the counter. He crossed his arms as he looked right at his boyfriend. He felt a little silly, standing in the kitchen in the sexy outfit that was meant for the bedroom. “I’ll remember this night forever. The night I ate steak and onion rings while wearing lingerie,” he snorted before he ran his hand down the side of the lacey boy shorts. It was tempting to touch himself, to adjust everything just a little, but Mike was watching him like a hawk. His lover’s eyes were huge, like he was trying to take in as much of Chester as he physically could. 

Chester smiled a little sheepishly Mike’s way before he pushed himself from the counter and announced the steaks were done. He pulled the skillet from the heat, and quickly plopped both steaks onto their plates. “Don’t touch,” he ordered lightly. “They have to rest for a few minutes.” He was back at the stove before Mike could say anything. He checked on the onion rings, and decided they were good to go, too. He pulled them out and set them on the stove top to cool before digging through the drawer that held the cooking utensils to find a good spatula to scoop the onion rings up with. 

“I’m not allowed to touch _anything_ ,” Mike mumbled petulantly, turning big, sad eyes to his boyfriend. 

Chester had to laugh. “Well, if you’re going to look at me like that.” He stepped back over into Mike’s space, standing right in front of him. “One touch,” he whispered, “and then I’ll bring you the rest of your food.” 

There was zero hesitation. Mike’s hands when straight to Chester’s hips, his fingers splaying wide over the black and pink polka dotted fabric. He rubbed his fingers in light circles and bit down on his bottom lip, looking up at Chester through his lashes. “Fucckkkk,” he whispered. “Those feel good on you.” He let his hands slip back to cup Chester’s ass in his hands, giving each cheek a light squeeze. 

Chester’s hands went to Mike’s shoulders. He feathered his fingers over the back of Mike’s neck, up under his shaggy hair. “I like that,” he husked close to Mike’s ear. “Aren’t they soft?” He knew he shouldn’t let this go too much longer or their food would get cold. He playfully tugged on a strand of Mike’s hair, and then stepped back, out of his reach. He snatched both plates before he turned around and took the two steps back to the stove. He piled their onion rings on, and then he was back, setting them on the bar. “One more touch, and then we eat,” he stated, already walking two fingers up Mike’s shirt front and then to his beard. He never got tired of running his fingers through his lover’s facial hair. It was both a turn on and a source of comfort and familiarity. 

“I like when you break your own rules.” Mike leaned into Chester’s touch, enjoying the way his fingers petted him for the brief moment. He slipped his hands down the front of Chester’s shirt and skimmed right down the front of the panties, grazing Chester’s hidden cock. He wanted to push the plates aside and put Chester up on the bar in front of him. It would put the panties at the perfect height for nibbling and sucking, and teasing his lover. Mike turned his lips into Chester's hand and kissed it. “Let’s eat so we can go to bed, babe.”

It was a tough call. Mike’s touch had brought Chester’s sleeping cock to wake. He could feel everything tingling and feeling good, so it was hard to nod his head in agreement. “I _am_ a rule breaker at heart. I can’t help it. It’s in my nature to be naughty.” His fingers glided down Mike’s neck, just till they reached the collar of his white t-shirt, and then Chester stepped back. 

He looked down at their plates. “Ketchup,” he mumbled, before sprinting the few steps back to the counter. He gathered the ketchup and the A-1 and then was right back to their food. He sat down on the barstool next Mike, giggling softly at the way the lacey fabric felt against the padded stool. “It should be okay now.” He motioned to Mike’s steak with the bottle of ketchup. “They should be cooked right at medium.” He could smell the meat, the spices he’d carefully coated them with, and of course the glorious scent of the delectable ketchup he loved to smother every piece of meat in as he squeezed a massive blob of the red stuff on the corner of his plate.

With his ketchup ready, he carefully cut up his steak. Each bite needed to be about the same size - not too big and not too small. It was important when it came to arranging them on his plate, getting them ready to smear each one with ketchup as he’d plucked them from their holding space. “One of these days I want to get an air fryer, then I can make onion rings from scratch. And fried chicken and mozzarella sticks.” He glanced down at the bar, and then over his shoulder. “When we get our house and we have more room for gadgets.” 

Mike thought about that statement for a second, and the way it made his insides warm and happy. _I love it when he talks like that. About the future. About our house and all the things we’re going to do together._ He stretched his foot out and nudged Chester’s, which was tucked around the leg of the barstool. “You mean when we get our kitchen and closet with a side of bedroom? Don’t even act like there’s gonna be room for anything else.” He waited for Chester to get finished with the ketchup before he took the bottle and squirted a small amount next to his steak sauce for the onion rings. “Thanks for saving me a taste.” He laughed as he sat the bottle back down. “If I ever get money I’m buying stock in ketchup.” 

Despite the piece of steak in his mouth, Chester’s lips pulled up into the biggest grin. “Yes,” he said before swallowing his bite, “our kitchen and closet with a side of bedroom. And bathroom. I’d love to have double sinks. Then you can have your side and I’ll have my side. We could even get ready at the same time!” His eyes lit up for a second with thoughts of the two of them standing side by side, brushing their teeth before bed or doing their hair in the morning. They could make faces at each other in the mirror and play fight over the invisible dividing line between the twin sinks. Taking turns and stumbling over each other to get ready for work or date night would be a thing of the past. “I like the bowl sinks that sit on top of the vanity,” he said, shaping his hands into the invisible idea. “I’ve seen some neat ones. I saw one once that looked like a turtle shell. That would be cool. We could have matching turtle shell sinks.” 

Mike shook his head as he smiled. “Whatever you want, Ches,” he said after he swallowed his bite. “This steak is just right, by the way,” he added, reaching over with one hand to stroke Chester’s bare thigh for a moment. “All I need in our house is space for my piano and space for my paint. I’d love to have a room just to be creative in… but that’s a lot of rooms. Real estate isn’t cheap.” He pondered that for a moment while he stuffed a folded over onion ring into his mouth. It was crispy and delicious, with just the right amount of ketchup on the edge. “Maybe the piano can be in the living room. And we’ll figure out the paint stuff.” It wasn’t the most important decision that had to be made at the moment, and Mike shrugged. “But two sinks, that would be pretty cool. We’d really be fancy, then.” 

“I already feel fancy in this outfit,” Chester offered, wiggling his ass on his seat. They both shared a chuckle before silence fell between them. It was a solid few minutes before a noise outside caught their attention. It was enough to propel Mike from his seat to peer out the front window. 

Chester let out a sigh of relief when it was decided it was nothing. He didn’t mind being on campus, but some of the students - especially the younger ones - could get wild. People would run up and down the apartment steps, laughing and singing or yelling, when things went wrong. More than once they’d had someone knock on their door in the middle of the night because they’d drunkenly gone to the wrong apartment. 

But tonight things seemed to be calm outside their door, and Chester was ready to be done eating so they could move things along. He looked over to see Mike’s plate empty as his boyfriend shoved his last onion ring in his mouth. “Okay, I’m catching up, I swear,” Chester stated with a cheeky smile before taking a double bite of steak. He had two more pieces to go, and one onion ring. He’d be ready to jump on the bed and lay himself out, prepared for Mike’s incoming kisses in a matter of minutes. 

Mike picked up his plate and walked it over to the sink. The apartment didn’t have a dishwasher, which was a luxury he didn’t know was a luxury until he started living there. He turned on the hot water and rinsed his plate, but he had zero intention of washing it now. There were much more interesting things to get done. He turned around with his wet hands over the sink. “Bring me your plate and I’ll rinse it off. Dishes can wait til tomorrow. I’m finished waiting for dessert.” 

Chester scooted off his stool, his plate in hand. “No good, Sexy Boy. Gotta wash my cast iron before bed. It will ruin if I leave it overnight.” He pecked a quick kiss to Mike’s cheek. “Go get naked and turn on some music. I’ll be there in a minute.” 

Mike knew what that meant. He’d see Chester in ten minutes, when his pan and every other item in the tiny kitchen was clean and drying on the rack. He held back the impatient huff and dried his hands, scooting out of his boyfriend’s way. “Okayyyy,” he whined with much exaggeration. “Be quick, babe.” 

He left a light slap to Chester’s enticing ass before he escaped to the bathroom. _Might as well take advantage of the couple of minutes I’ve got._ He rinsed his mouth out quickly, then brushed his teeth, trying to get the onion ring taste off his tongue before he used the toilet and washed his hands. He was past ready for Chester, but he could still hear the water running in the kitchen.

It was only a few steps into the bedroom, which oddly enough reminded him of his room at Anna’s place, years ago. There was just enough space between the wall and the bed to squeeze by, and he tugged off his t-shirt before he leaned over to snag his cell phone charger from the floor. Mike plugged in his phone, started his romantic songs playlist with the sound very low, and got into bed. He was on top of the red and black flannel blanket, his hand lazily running up and down his chest, while he waited with his pajama pants on. All of his worries and inhibitions about his t-shirts staying on were in the past when it came to Chester. He knew his boyfriend adored his body, and it gave Mike confidence when they were in the bedroom. But all of that confidence aside, he wasn’t going to get totally naked while he waited. _It’s not as fun if I’m already completely naked. He’s not naked. We’ll get each other naked._

In the kitchen, Chester couldn’t help himself. After his cast iron was washed and towel dried, the other dirty dishes wouldn’t leave him alone. He knew it wouldn’t take long. Even though he was used to having a dishwasher, he’d gotten into the habit of quickly washing his and Mike’s few dishes after every meal. He’d even bought them a special drying rack, which straddled the sink so it wouldn’t take up any room. Up top were enough slots for their plates, their cups, and a little basket on the side held their silverware. Everything drip-dried into the sink, leaving zero mess to clean up later. 

In no time he had everything washed, the counters wiped down. He looked around the small space and smiled. It was better to go to bed with everything in order than to try and leave it till tomorrow. _I would have worried about it, anyway. This is better._

He was satisfied with his work, and he made his way out of the kitchen, flipping the lights off as he went. “Mike, I’m going to brush my teeth and then I’ll be there!” he hollered toward the bedroom before disappearing into the bathroom. After steak and onion rings, it was important to scrub his teeth. There was no way he was going to kiss all over Mike smelling like onions. 

The bathroom was faster than the kitchen, and in no time Chester was done, and walking into the bedroom. The sound of their romantic playlist was filtering through the room, the sight of his lover half naked on the bed waiting for him, made Chester’s cock twitch. “Sexxxxxy Boy,” Chester cooed as he shimmied over to the bed. He pulled his shirt off, tossing it over his head before he climbed onto the bed. He didn’t think twice. He planted himself right on Mike’s lap, his legs on either side of his boyfriend’s hips. “You look better than a piece of chocolate cake.” He licked over his piercing as he bent down and pressed their lips together. Mike’s skin was warm, his body sturdy under Chester’s ass. 

Without thought one of Mike’s hands went to Chester’s hip, the other to the back of his head where he buried his fingers in the curls he loved. Chester tasted like mint and Mike smiled around the kiss, pulling back enough to whisper, “we had the same thought. I love that. I love when we think the same way.” Before Chester could say anything Mike was kissing him again, his back pressed comfortably into the bed from Chester’s weight over top.

Despite the lustful way he’d been eyeing his boyfriend in the kitchen, the moment Chester laid over him, everything in Mike’s body slowed. It was like being covered with a weighted blanket. All of his senses calmed as they kissed, slow and easy, their music in the background only barely audible over the sound of their breaths and their lips connecting over and over again. 

Chester sent his tongue into Mike’s mouth. It wasn’t a forceful move, but a gentle push and nudge against his lover’s tongue. It was a different sort of embrace, one more intimate than their lips. Chester’s eyes were shut, his mind on the present moment that they would be making love very soon. Rather than his body shooting from zero to ten, from collected to turned on in mere seconds, this was a slow rise. Every caress to the back of his head or to his hip sent another wave of desire through Chester’s body. 

The music played, and the kisses continued. Chester rocked his hips, slow and in time with the notes coming from Mike’s phone. It was a slow saxophone part in one of the songs and Chester could feel the rhythm. The sexy call to make the most of the time with his lover. When their next kiss ended, he slowly sat himself back up, dragging his hands down Mike’s bare chest. “I love you,” Chester said, looking down into Mike’s dark eyes. “I want to wrap my legs around you...put my new socks to good use.” 

Mike nodded, but he didn’t move to reverse their positions. Not yet. He ran both hands from Chester’s knees up to the lacey panties and back down, his fingers touching as much of the exposed skin as they could before he slid them back down again. “I love you, too. Have I told you how sexy you look in those new socks?” he asked, his eyes feeling heavy. He kept his hands in motion, feathering light touches over Chester’s thighs before following with heavier caresses, then he went back to teasing lightly before changing the pressure up again. He couldn’t help but push his aching cock up, pressing against Chester’s ass where he sat on top of him. 

The smile on Chester’s face was instant. “I feel sexy in them.” He reached for one of Mike’s hands and pulled it up to his lips. He kissed his lover’s knuckles before pressing their tangled hands to his chest. He held Mike’s hand there, over his heart as he started to rock his hips, his hidden cock loving the friction. He could feel Mike’s hard on as their bodies pressed together. 

Chester shut his eyes. All of his balance and movement was on his knees, and his toes, which were digging into the mattress behind him. He slowly dragged Mike’s hand down until it was over his belly button, and then down one more step to the front of his panties. “Touch me,” he begged, his hand still covering Mike’s, lightly holding it in place. 

Mike sucked in a breath and held it as he pressed his hand down over the panties, over Chester’s growing erection. He heard the whimper from the back of his boyfriend’s throat and he spread his hand open, teasing along every bit of Chester he could feel. The thin fabric radiated heat from Chester’s body, and Mike let out the breath he’d taken long and slow, watching the way his lover was moving on top of him. With his other hand he slowly ran a finger up under the lacey edge of the leg opening, a shiver running through him. He could feel the way the panties were clinging, the way they were already wet with precum, and Mike loved them. He only wished he could see them from behind, to admire the way the lace stretched over Chester’s ass as he straddled Mike’s lap. But the look on Chester’s face was pure enjoyment, and Mike didn’t want to move. Not yet. “You feel good,” he murmured, keeping his eyes on Chester’s face.

Chester was lost in the moment. His head went back, his spine curved as he rocked his erection up against Mike’s hand. He was wet, and the lacey material was sticking to the head of his cock as it tried to stand up straight. He felt Mike’s thumb tease over his slit, and Chester hissed in pleasure. “Fuuuck,” he panted, his mouth hanging open as he breathed. “Touch me more.” 

Before Mike could do anything, Chester leaned back. He put his weight on his hands, which were now on the mattress. It raised his crotch a little, his erection beyond apparent. The position stretched his back, and he spread his legs out a little more to keep his balance. He wanted Mike to have all the access to everything between his legs. 

The loss of Chester’s weight to his dick was sudden and not what Mike wanted. His hips chased Chester involuntarily for only a thrust, while both of his hands went to the front of the panties. One stroked over Chester’s cock, the other curled up underneath his balls to tease them a little. He kept his touch light, cupping them gently while he played his fingers down Chester’s length and back up to pull at his mushroom head. It was a gentle game, and Mike took his time, though he could practically feel his heart beating in his chest with anticipation. 

Having both of Mike’s skilled hands on him was an amazing feeling - a consuming sensation. Chester felt every ping and tingle of arousal until it was almost too much. He sat himself back up, this time pressing his pelvis down harder. He rocked his hips as he fell forward, his hands going to either side of Mike’s head. 

His lips went right to his boyfriend’s ear. He stuck his tongue out first, lapping over Mike’s hoop earring, and then up the shell of his ear. He squeezed Mike’s hips between his legs, their bodies pressed together tightly right where it counted. “I want to take your clothes off,” Chester whispered against Mike’s ear with purposeful heavy breaths. “Every fu-cking stitch.”

“Yesss,” Mike hissed, his eyes closed and his hands clutched around Chester’s ass, feeling the panties while they rocked together. “Turn around,” he suggested breathlessly. “So I can see you. I want to see how these look while you’re on top of me.” He pulled at the lacey waistband but turned his lips into Chester’s neck, leaving a wet kiss to his pulse. 

The request to turn around caught Chester by surprise, and his rocking hips slowed down. His mind zipped into action after just a second to regroup. He needed a plan, a way to get from point A to point B, all while keeping the mood. “Okay,” he agreed easily. 

He slowly brought one leg over, and then scooted to the side, completely off of Mike. He looked his boyfriend over - his flushed chest, and the way his pajama pants were looking snug. Chester reached out and slid a finger down Mike’s chest, but he didn’t linger. A second later he was up on his hands and knees. “Open your legs, Sexy Boy.”

It was a simple enough request, but it took Mike a second to make his legs work. He spread them apart, making room for Chester between them. “Come on,” he encouraged, dying to see how everything looked from behind when they weren’t in the kitchen - and he _was_ allowed to touch. 

Chester was careful. He got between his boyfriend’s legs on his knees, and scooted backwards before he laid his front half down to the mattress. He felt Mike’s hands go right to his ass, directing him. It didn’t take long to feel the bump of Mike’s hard on against his inner thigh. Chester wiggled a little into place before he glanced over his shoulder. “How do they look?”

Mike was speechless. He held Chester’s hips in his hands for a moment, his eyes coasting over the sight of his boyfriend’s round ass filling out the back of the lacey black boy shorts. The cut of the fabric accentuated the curve of each cheek, and the color was a perfect contrast to Chester’s pale skin. He slowly moved his hands down, feeling over the panties and then Chester’s skin, running his hand to the tops of the knee highs. “Fucking hot, babe.” He played his fingers around the tops of the long socks while he stared. It was enough to make Mike want to suggest that they go back to the lingerie store the next day and buy more. Lots of different colors and fabrics. He’d had a fair idea, after Chester came home wearing the pink panties from Score, that he liked the lacey women’s underwear on his lover, but now he knew in no uncertain terms that Chester in panties was a huge turn on. Mike bit his lip to stifle the groan that wanted to pop out as he tried to figure out a way to keep those panties on while they made love. He knew it was impossible, but he couldn’t help but try. “These are the best socks you own,” he added. 

“They are kick ass,” Chester agreed as he rocked backwards, pressing his ass against Mike’s crotch. He was ready for Mike to ditch the pajama pants. He wanted to feel his hot skin, and his hard wet tip against his bottom. “And black goes with everything,” he commented more as a reflex than anything else. 

“Right,” Mike agreed, not caring what went with anything. He let go of Chester’s legs and shoved one hand at the waistband of his pajama pants. The need to wiggle out of them was strong. He pulled one leg up and out of the pants, then shoved them down the other. “Get rid of those, Ches,” he said, trying to shake them off his foot. 

Without a word, Chester twisted and grabbed Mike’s pants. He smiled as he pulled them off and over his boyfriend’s naked foot. He tossed them to the floor before leaning over and kissing Mike’s ankle. And then his foot. “Remember when you said you’ve never had your toes sucked?” 

Mike barely got a “yeah” out before he felt Chester’s lips move up his foot, closer to his toes. He couldn’t help it. He wiggled his toes a little bit and tried to see what was happening, but all he could see was Chester’s polka dotted ass as he leaned over. That was a good enough view for Mike, who definitely remembered Chester mentioning that he enjoyed what he was about to do. Mike wasn’t sure if he’d feel the same way, but it didn’t matter. He was willing to see what all the fuss was about.

“There are levels of toe sucking,” Chester informed his boyfriend from over his shoulder. “I’ll be easy on you this first time.” He turned his attention back to the subject at hand. Mike’s foot was long, and on the slender side. He knew his lover was clean, and so there was no worry over tasting something he wouldn’t like. Besides, it wasn’t about the taste. It was all about sensation. 

He held his position between Mike’s legs, leaving his ass safely in Mike’s hands as he went to work. He kissed gently - almost petal kisses - up his boyfriend’s foot, and then around to the big toe. He pressed his lips against it, lingering the kiss longer than the others. He traded his lips for his noze, nuzzling Mike’s big toe, like it was precious. He then made his way to the next toe and the next, until he got to the pinky. He gave it extra kisses, and let his tongue come into play. 

Chester closed his eyes as he brought his tongue all the way back down the line of Mike’s toes, making sure each one got attention. When he was back to the big toe, his lips wrapped around the side of it, sucking gently. He had one hand on Mike’s ankle, the other on the heel of the foot he was lavishing affection on. 

At some point in all the kisses Mike’s eyes slid closed, and even his grip on Chester loosened as he relaxed into the new feeling. It wasn’t like he thought it would be. His mind had conjured up thoughts of slimey feelings and too much saliva, but this wasn’t like that at all. Chester’s mouth was warm and soft as he lovingly sucked on each toe. 

He didn’t protest when Chester’s kisses moved to his other foot, giving it the same attention as the first. By the time each toe had its turn, Mike was squirming on the bed. He was ready to lay Chester down, strip off those panties, and lose himself in the private world of their lovemaking. “Ches,” he breathed, “I want you so bad. You’re driving me crazy.” 

Chester gave Mike’s toes one last kiss, and then he was done. He sat himself up, and got out from between Mike’s legs, landing on his bottom. “I’m right here,” he said, a sheepish grin on his face as he spread both arms out to the side. “Now next time you play Never Have I Ever, you get to answer _yes_ to the toe question.” He winked at his lover, before he crawled up the bed, to lay down beside him. 

The mention of the game brought Mike to a pause. He reached out, sliding his fingertips along Chester’s cheek and then over to his lips, focusing his attention on the lip ring he loved and then the bright light in his boyfriend’s eyes. The _Never Have I Ever_ game seemed like a lifetime ago, like it had happened to other people, and Mike had no desire to play again even though Chester didn’t seem to feel negatively toward it. He flipped the lip ring first to one side, then the other, and then leaned close, resting his forehead against Chester’s. “I love you.” 

It was all that needed to be said. They were past all of that now. The two of them, against the world, the way they both wanted it to be. Despite the tiny apartment they shared, despite the hours apart while Chester was at work and Mike was at school, despite the money struggles, they were together, and Mike’s heart didn’t miss a single opportunity to be grateful.

He lifted up on one elbow and nudged Chester from his side to his back. Mike started with a line of kisses down Chester’s neck, then across his collarbone. He went lower, nipping lightly at each nipple and leaving hard little pink buds behind as he went lower, kissing a trail down Chester’s side and then circling his bellybutton with his tongue. Mike felt Chester’s hands thread into his hair, and still lower he went, pulling at the lace edge of the panties with his teeth. 

“Mmmmmm,” Chester moaned. His eyes were closed, the feel of Mike’s hair in both his hands as his boyfriend tugged on the panties. The lacey pull against his dick was a different feel, and it made Chester’s hips squirm. He felt Mike’s hot lips on his skin, and then the light graze of teeth as the undergarment was tugged down. Chester felt the exact moment when his pubic hair was exposed to the air. He spread his legs wider, bucking his hips in response. 

As much as Mike hated to see the panties go, it was time. He reached for them, pulling them down the rest of the way, then sitting back to toss them away while he admired Chester. There was nothing so beautiful as his naked boyfriend, laid out on their red and black blanket, waiting for him. He was back down between Chester’s legs quickly, nuzzling his nose and lips along the hard cock waiting for him until he got to the tip. Mike didn’t waste any time opening his mouth and taking Chester in, his tongue greedy to finally taste him. He felt Chester’s legs go even wider as he slipped his mouth up and down his length. Mike ran one hand up Chester’s thigh, then around to the back of his leg, sliding it down to the top of the black and pink sock. It wasn’t long until Chester was pulling at his hair and squirming, his voice full of breathy whimpers and moans while Mike went down on him. 

Very slowly he lifted off Chester’s cock, licking the precum and saliva from his lips and looking up at his boyfriend. “You ready?” he husked. “Tell me how you want me.”

It wasn’t a hard decision to make. Chester wanted to wrap his legs around his lover’s body, and there was only one position that allowed him to get the most out of that. “Right here with me,” Chester called, curling his hand through the air. His mind was already moving forward. Once Mike was hovering above him, he’d curl both legs around his middle, his arms would loop around Mike’s neck, and Chester would latch on and give him a great hickey while they enjoyed the act of physically combining their bodies. His cock would get all the attention it needed, being pressed between the two of them while it enjoyed the rhythm and friction they were about to create. 

The two of them had preparation down to an art form, and it wasn’t long until Chester was ready, and Mike was lined up, his wet tip poking at its target. Mike was braced on one arm, his other hand guiding him as he slowly pushed in, allowing them both time to adjust. It had been a week - a long time for them - and Mike breathed in slowly through his nose while Chester’s body latched onto him. Every part of his body was alight with desire, his fingertips tingling while he held still and waited, then pushed forward a little more and waited again. He was halfway in when he leaned down and softly kissed Chester’s lips, then over his cheek and across to his ear. Mike suckled briefly at Chester’s earlobe, then both hands found the top of his head, feathering over his soft hair while he planted his elbows into the mattress. There was another series of starts and stops, and then Mike felt everything relax enough that he slid the rest of the way inside Chester. He held his breath and held still, feeling their bodies fully connect. It was his favorite feeling in the whole world.

After a few moments he felt Chester lift his legs, and the fabric of the knee highs brushed against Mike’s skin when they wrapped around him. That movement was a silent signal, a sign that Chester was ready for more. Mike started to move, small, gentle thrusts with his eyes closed. “God, you feel amazing,” he whispered. He focused on the way Chester’s body reacted to him, the trembles and squeezes, the way his boyfriend’s hands latched on to his back and shoulders. Mike was in the mood for slow, to see how long he could make it last tonight. 

Reality was still hard for Chester to comprehend sometimes when it came to their sex life. They’d come so far when it came to being together intimately. There were still quickies, and times when they’d grab each other and fall to the bed, ready to rip each other’s clothes off. But those times had taken a backseat to the slower process of truly relishing in each other. It was a slow change - a shift that seemed to come along with how their lives had developed over the last few months. Chester knew a lot of it had to do with their current schedules. Mike had never been so busy, both during the day and in the evenings as he studied and practiced and hovered over mounds of thick books that looked painful to Chester. It often left them cuddling at night before passing out quickly, rather than boisterous sex for the sake of getting off together and using up energy. Energy had become a precious commodity, and for Chester, it was a nice change of pace.

He’d spent years having sex on demand, and after Mike had come into his life, that had doubled. His boyfriend had a voracious appetite for sex, and Chester was all too wiling to give his part in that. He enjoyed Mike’s enthusiasm because it was real. It wasn’t ordered by a director or produced because that was the schedule. It was honest and genuine. It came with love and desire and the need that they both felt to be together. But it was also a lot, and although he’d never admit it out loud, Chester was ready for things in the bedroom to slow down. Going from almost every single night to a few times a week, to sometimes only once a week, was okay. It allowed rest in between, time to miss each other and anticipate when the next time would be and what it would be like. It was a more mature take on one of their favorite activities, and that was comforting to Chester. It was another step, a new level that he and Mike had ascended to together. It was one more way that Mike Shinoda was special - singular - in Chester’s mind and heart. 

It made love making consuming in a way Chester had never known before, and he never wanted to give that up. He moved his hands up Mike’s back, shoving one into his boyfriend’s thick, dark hair, the other clinging to his shoulder. He could feel the penetration of Mike’s cock. It was deep, and the slower, in and out motion was building the tension inside Chester’s cock and balls. 

Chester tilted his head back so he could get his mouth up under Mike’s jaw. He sucked and kissed and nipped with his teeth. He nuzzled his nose and face into Mike’s beard, which he loved. His legs were around Mike’s middle, his feet twisted together keeping his position locked in. His bottom lifted from the bed every time Mike thrust forward, and it fell back to the mattress each time Mike pulled back. It was a sexual dance, a slow tango that mixed their bodies and breaths together. Minutes passed, and soon Chester had his teeth in Mike’s neck as he sucked and whimpered in pleasure. 

Mike was singularly focused on the pleasure building between them, his mind completely consumed with Chester, every sound between them, every reciprocal movement. Tonight had been a slow and steady rise toward completion. He could feel his orgasm on the fringes, and he bit his lip as he held it back, waiting for Chester. He put his mind to hitting the spot in his lover’s body that made him come, and as he shifted angles and tried to go deeper, he finally felt it. That squishy, wonderful spot that hugged the tip of his cock and tried to pull him over the edge at the same time. He was sweating from the exertion, even with things being slower between them. Finding and hitting Chester’s prostate was a lot of work, but Mike was determined to make his lover come without using either of their hands. There was something more satisfying about watching Chester orgasm that way than any other way Mike could make it happen. “Yes, yes, babe,” he chanted, pushing himself as close and deep as he could get. 

Chester’s mouth opened, releasing Mike’s neck. He was panting, his heart pounding. His insides had been rolling towards an orgasm, and now it was here. The moment Mike’s cock struck his prostate, the race was on. Chester’s head went back, his eyes closed and his mental movie of Sexy Boy Mike Shinoda flashed across his mind. Mike pulling him to the soft red and black flannel blanket as they laughed, Mike naked on the couch, Mike kissing Chester’s neck and down his body, Mike taking Chester from behind and then the opposite - a flash memory of Mike on his knees in the closet at Amir’s as Chester rode him down to the floor in ecstasy. 

It sent Chester right over the cliff of pleasure. “Fuuuuck yeaaahhhh,” he moaned, heavy and loud as his orgasm hit. His cock was sandwiched between their bodies, and the molded pressure worked well to pull it out of him as Mike pounded into his prostate - his spot that made Chester’s insides jump in absolute pleasure. His mental pictures were gone, replaced by zap after zap of light behind his eyes while his body released. 

Mike wasn’t too far behind. He felt every quake and squeeze of Chester’s muscles around him as cum spread between them, warm and sticky. When Chester released his neck, Mike pulled back a few inches to watch for a moment. It was just long enough to see the euphoria on Chester’s face before he buried his face in the space between Chester’s neck and shoulder. He could feel his sweaty hair sticking to his forehead but the scent of Chester’s warm skin, the beach and peaches and arousal, pushed that thought away. The smell of Chester’s skin always went straight to his groin, and this time was no different. Combined with the feel of Chester’s body around his cock, he couldn’t hold back. Mike felt the rush from his balls, his orgasm following behind Chester’s, flowing out and filling his lover from the inside. It was a good one - an excellent one - where the pleasure kept coming, the waves slow and steady as his hips kept moving. 

He pressed his lips to Chester’s neck, the rock of his hips still going even though the moment of release was over. Mike didn’t want to stop. He knew it would be too soon when his cock would be spent, too soft to continue, and he wasn’t ready. “I love you. I love you,” he whispered into Chester’s damp skin.

Chester was sated, his body used to the extreme. It took a few seconds to catch his breath, to bring his mind back from the realm of orgasm and mental euphoria. “I...love you, too,” he whispered between pants, the weight of Mike’s body on his chest adding to the hitch in his voice. In the midst of everything, Chester’s arms had fallen to the bed, and he slowly raised them to wrap around Mike’s neck. “I’m so tired. I bet I beat you to sleep.” He grinned softly before letting his lover go. He knew it had to happen, that their bodies needed to be separated. He braced himself, and when he finally felt Mike pull out, it was bittersweet. 

Chester rolled over onto his side, his eyes closed and his head on his pillow. “Good thing I sleep naked. Well, maybe I’ll keep these rockin’ socks on tonight.” He opened his eyes with a smile. Mike was next to him, flat on his back, breathing with his mouth open. Chester took a moment to admire the sweat on his boyfriend’s forehead, and how his hair was sticking to the side of his face. “Sexy Boy...you look exhausted.” He reached over, taking Mike’s hand to give it a nice squeeze. 

Slowly Mike turned his head to look at Chester, squeezing his hand back. “You tend to do that to me,” he teased lightly. He knew if he closed his eyes he’d be asleep in mere minutes. It took all of his remaining energy to keep them open so he could eventually struggle up. “I’ll be right back. If you don’t want to get up, I’ll bring you a washcloth.” He was already on his way back to the bathroom before he heard Chester’s hum of approval. 

He flipped the light switch and looked at his face as he washed his hands. Chester was right. He did look exhausted. Climbing into bed and not getting up until the next morning was exactly what he wanted to do for the rest of the evening. He hoped the sounds of the apartments around them, and the inevitable partying that would go on, would be tame this weekend. 

Mike splashed water on his face and then finished his business in the bathroom before grabbing a wet washcloth to take back into the bedroom. A warm smile crossed his face at the sight of Chester on the bed, his eyes closed and breathing deeply. Mike sat down on the bed next to him. “Hey, Ches,” he whispered before he touched his lover’s skin with the warm washcloth. “Just getting all the cum off you, babe. You don’t have to move.” 

“Not moving,” Chester mumbled with his eyes closed. “Got it. I can so follow those orders.” He smiled, despite being half asleep. The feel of the warm washcloth over his skin, knowing it was Mike’s safe touch guiding it, was relaxing, almost intoxicating. Already the dark behind his eyes was spinning, sending him into sleep, just as he felt his lover’s lips to the side of his face and the whispered sound of the words, “ _Goodnight, Ches. I love you._ ” 

“I love you, too,” Chester managed to say, his conscious thoughts fading quickly as the bed moved. He felt the weight and warmth of Mike cuddling up behind him next, and then his lover’s arm over his waist. It was the familiar position Chester knew, and it eased him further into the bed and pillows. He twisted their legs together by instinct alone, his brain on autopilot. “You’re so warm,” he mumbled just over a whisper before sleep pulled him totally under. 

***  
TBC


	3. A Very Bad Day

Jason Wakefield stepped off the elevator to his tenth floor apartment, keys in one hand and the day’s mail in the other, a crossbody messenger bag hanging at his side. Tuesdays were long days, days he didn’t get back to his place until well after dinner time. He knew Blue would be extra needy when he walked in, and he prepared himself for the extra cattitude. She would follow him around, meowing while he opened a bottle of wine, heated up last night’s leftovers, and dumped cat food into her monogrammed stoneware bowl with a princess crown painted on the side. After she ate, Jason knew Blue would join him on the couch, and then he would tell her everything he thought about his two hour Tuesday evening therapy session. 

Sometimes, telling his pet everything he was thinking was as useful as telling it to his therapist. Blue was just like Dr. Gibson. She sat attentively, but quietly, listening to everything he spilled out about Mark, about Ryan, about Mike… and about Chester. Especially about Chester. The difference was, Dr. Gibson helped him to see the links between his traumatic childhood, and his abusive marriage to Mark. In tonight’s session it was gently suggested that Jason only had the affair with Mike to get back at Chester for everything that happened with Mark, since he couldn’t get even with Mark for all he had done. It wasn’t Chester’s fault, Dr. Gibson pointed out. And even though Jason already knew that he wanted to hurt Chester - to get back at him - it was never clear to him why until two months into his sessions. Mark’s death left Jason grieving and unable to get closure, with anger toward his husband and anxiety over the future. 

Dr. Gibson likened it all to when Jason tragically lost his parents at thirteen, the incident that started him on the path that led him straight into Mark’s arms. He’d been vulnerable, scared, and alone, barely a teenager with no family left. He’d gone from house to house in the foster care system. As he moved from one less than desirable situation to another, his straight A’s at school became harder and harder to maintain. When he got in trouble a third time for stealing cigarettes from a convenience store he got shuffled to yet another family. That time Jason got a job, hoping to scrape together enough money to do what others his age did on the weekends. He just wanted to belong, to go to the movies or go to a party. He just wanted what everyone else seemed to have, and sometimes he was angry at his parents for taking the drive that ended in their deaths.

By the time he turned eighteen, he was barely holding on to passing grades at school. It was clear he was an inconvenience to his foster parents, who were consumed with the other, younger children in their care. Jason was mostly on his own, ripe for the picking. Mark wanted him, and Jason willingly leapt into the YRS lifestyle that allowed him freedom. A little bit of money, a place to call his own. Porn wasn’t the way he envisioned his life, but it was what he had until Mark finished claiming him, wooing and marrying him at the tender age of twenty. All Mark had to do was offer Jason the world - college, the chance to not be in front of the camera but behind, and all the creature comforts money could buy. It seemed that as soon as the ring was on his finger, Mark’s true colors had been revealed, leaving Jason feeling as alone and anxious as he’d been at thirteen. 

Jason had gone through the entire backstory with Dr. Gibson, who continued to listen week after week to all of the muddled thoughts in Jason’s head, until tonight. Tonight he’d connected the dots for Jason that were right in front of his face, the resentment he had toward his parents and Mark for dying and leaving him alone, and the way he’d taken out Mark’s betrayal on Chester by going after Mike. It was so obvious that Jason didn’t know how he hadn’t figured it out himself. 

He unlocked the front door and stepped inside, the warmth of the interior still surprising him. They’d only been two weeks in the new place, he and Blue, and Jason still wasn’t expecting the deep, rich colors that greeted him instead of the light, beachy colors of the houseboat.

Jason rolled his eyes as he dropped his keys, bag, and the mail on the coffee table. _The houseboat. It will make good income as an Airbnb, but what a disaster. Such a stupid thing to do._ He shook his head immediately. _No. Jason, you were doing what you thought was the right thing to do. Mark always tried to show he cared with material things. Mark was the point of reference. Now you know better. Now you know what not to do._ There was a whole list of positive self-talk he was supposed to go through when he started down that self-deprecating road, and he chanted them to himself as he made his way across the living room, flipping on lights. 

Blue was at his side before he even got into the kitchen. “Hey, Baby Cat,” Jason cooed, leaning down to scoop up his not-quite-a-kitten, not-quite-a-cat feline. He walked with her over to the wall of frosted glass windows that led from the dining area into the kitchen. One of his favorite parts of the apartment was the glass-doored cabinets and the built-in wine rack over the butcher block counter. The natural wood was a nice, lighter contrast to the gray polished concrete of the floor and walls. “How was your day, Princess?” 

Before he opened a bottle of wine, he got Blue her food, then decided on a white wine to go with his shrimp. He knew the cat would be begging him for a bite the moment he sat down at the bar, but he was used to it by now. Sharing food was like sharing his therapy stories - something he didn’t even think twice about. “I know we’ve talked about it,” he said to the cat as he sat down with his plate, “but today just confirmed it all. I really fucked everything up.” 

Blue didn’t say anything. She hopped up on the barstool next to Jason and started to clean her face now that she was finished with her dinner. Jason looked at her before he stabbed a shrimp with his fork. “I wish I’d gone to therapy after Mark died. It probably would have helped. No, it really would have helped. I didn’t know what I was doing. Maybe I could have made better choices.” He popped the shrimp in his mouth and chewed silently, staring down into his plate in thought. _Maybe I wouldn’t have hurt Ry the way I did._

The memory of the last time he’d seen Ryan, of their sad, incomplete goodbye, was one Jason tried not to dwell on even though he thought about it every day. It was hard not to let regrets drown him each night as he sat on the couch with Blue and a bottle of wine. The nights he had a magazine in hand and came across one of Ryan and Chester’s Score ads were the worst. “Blue, I wish I could talk to him. We were doing fine until he came up here with _Mike._ ” Jason all but spit Mike’s name out. “It doesn’t matter what they talked about,” he reminded himself out loud, keeping what he was learning in therapy in the front of his mind. “He decided to leave. He left me here, and I didn’t stop him.” 

They shared equal blame in that part, at least. Jason knew all that had gone wrong before Ryan’s trip to Seattle with Mike was his fault. _But that night that Ry walked away, that was his choice. He said he couldn’t do it, and I didn’t stop him. I didn’t tell him how wrong I’d been, I didn’t even try._ Jason held a bite of shrimp out for Blue to take from his hand. He felt the bumpy rasp of her tongue as she lapped it from his fingers. “I should have stopped him,” he finished quietly. Blue regarded him with quiet eyes, her tail wrapped around her body. Jason didn’t say anything else as he finished his meal, reaching over every so often to give Blue a bite. 

She curled up on the barstool while Jason rinsed off his plate and stuck it in the dishwasher. “There’s a lot of things I should have done, but I’m here, and they’re all down in L.A. Ry probably won’t ever talk to me again. And Chaz...” He washed his hands and dried them on his kitchen towel, glancing over at his cat. “Dr. Gibson thinks I should talk to Chester at some point, but I can’t imagine how awkward that conversation would be. “Hey, Chaz,” he mimicked, wiping down the counters, “I just wanted to call and tell you I’m sorry for using you to get back at Mark. I’m sorry I fucked with Mike’s head and hurt you both.” Jason’s head dropped as he tried to imagine saying those words to Chester. Chester, who had been so supportive of his relationship with Ryan, who helped them stay off Mark’s radar. “If I’d been in my right mind, I’d have realized it on my own. Chaz never wanted Mark’s attention. He would have exposed me and Ry at the first opportunity if he was trying to take my place.” 

Blue reached a paw out toward Jason, like she wanted to pat his arm and tell him it was going to be okay. He watched her for a moment, then poured himself another glass of wine. “I don’t know why I thought I needed Mark so much anyway. I deserved better… and I’m doing just fine here on my own.” 

He flipped off the pendant lights and took his glass to the couch, a huge dark gray suede sectional that had only been delivered last weekend. Blue hopped down and followed, jumping right up on her favorite cushion next to him. The stack of mail was right there, and he reached over to grab it, flipping through the junk ads and an electric bill, before he got to his _Young Techs_ magazine, and his fashion magazine. Ryan’s ads were the only reason he subscribed to this particular magazine. The gay men’s magazine loved Score clothing, and almost every month there was a new ad with Ryan in it. Jason scooped the magazine up and sat back, resting it against his crossed knee while he slowly turned the pages and sipped his wine.

Blue was right next to him, curled up and almost asleep, when he found what he was looking for - the newest Score clothing ad, featuring star models Ryan and Chester. Jason stared down at the ad, his photographic eye taking in details about the lighting and the backdrop, the angle of Chester and Ryan’s bodies, the clothes they were selling. It crossed his mind that Ryan looked thinner, but Jason tried not to linger on that thought, instead choosing to appreciate the ad from an artistic standpoint. But something nagged at him, something felt off. It took him a while, studying each detail, until it dawned on him what was different. _That look. That thing they always had between them. It’s not there. That chemistry._

“I wonder what happened between them,” he whispered, touching Ryan’s image with one finger. Jason’s eyes closed, and behind them was the most vivid memory of Ryan’s blue eyes. It sent a shiver down his spine. He only allowed himself to indulge the thoughts of Ryan for a few moments before the ache became too much to bear. Flipping the magazine shut, Jason opened his eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s none of my business. We’re not together anymore. We’re over, Blue. No matter how much I wish that wasn’t true, that’s how it is, and Dr. Gibson says I need to accept that. Steps to healing, that’s what he says.” 

Jason put the magazine back on the coffee table along with his wine glass, and pulled Blue into his arms. He snuggled his face into her light tan and brown fur, breathing through the emotions he was feeling. He knew he had to feel them to heal them, but all Jason could think about as his heart bled sadness was how much longer it would be until it stopped hurting so much. 

****

Chester was almost done with his assigned outfit. He’d already been through hair and makeup, and now he just had to get his shirt, socks, shoes, and belt on for the shoot. _If there’s even going to be a shoot. If Ry doesn’t show up…_

He looked around the familiar square dressing room, the same room he and Ryan had gotten ready in dozens of times. The silver rack was at the back, the left side still cluttered with the outfit Ryan was supposed to wear. Chester’s shoulders slumped. He wasn’t sure what was going on with his friend lately, but now it was even affecting work.

He gave up on getting dressed, and instead walked over to his pile of discarded clothes - his jeans and t-shirt he’d come in wearing. He picked through his pockets and found his phone. It only took a few seconds to see that Ryan hadn’t texted him back. Hadn’t called. 

Chester pulled up their text thread. 

**Chester:** _Hey, where you at? Just running late?_

According to the time stamp, he’d sent that message over thirty minutes ago. _Maybe he’s stuck in traffic. This is L.A. afterall. He’s in traffic and his phone is dead. That’s what it is._ It was all Chester could hang onto as he tossed his phone back with his clothes and headed for the clothing rack. He could only stall for so long, and he knew it. 

He was just plucking his socks from the little basket on the floor, when there was a knock on the door. Chester spun around, his lips lifting to a smile. He was sure it was Ryan. _He always knocks to make sure I’m decent._ “Come in!” he shouted, taking a happy step forward, but he stopped when Talinda poked her head in. 

She didn’t waste any time scanning the room. “He’s not here yet?” she hissed before she stepped in and closed the door behind her. She let out an instant huff, her clipboard against her chest as she cradled it with both arms. “Where is he?”

Usually when Talinda asked a question, it was direct, with authority and an instant stare that screamed you’d-better-give-me-the-answer-I-want. But that look wasn’t there this time, and Chester could feel that as much as he saw the look of concern on her face, the sound of it in her voice. “I don’t know,” he admitted honestly. “He’s not answering my texts. Did you see him this morning?” 

“No,” she admitted as she crossed the room. She sank down onto one of the metal folding chairs. She shoved her long hair back behind her ear. She hadn’t pulled it up that morning in her usual work ponytail, and she was regretting it. “He didn’t come home last night,” she said, keeping her voice lowered. “That’s happened a few times now. Ever since he started hanging out with that Rob guy.” 

Chester’s eyes narrowed. “He just doesn’t come home without telling you?” 

“He tells me. Usually,” she stated. “And he told me last night he probably wouldn’t come home, but he should still show up here. This is work.” She looked at her watch and let out a long sigh. “This is all getting really old really quick. Forrest likes him, he does, but people have to show up.” 

Chester nodded. From the moment Talinda had come in, he hadn’t moved. He was still standing with his folded white socks in hand, half undressed. Out of all the people in the world, he never figured he’d end up being friends with _Talinda the Tyrant_ , but that was what they had become over their shared worry about Ryan. “I don’t want him to get fired,” Chester said before looking over his shoulder at the closed dressing room door. All he wanted was for it to open, and his friend to walk in with his bright blue eyes and million dollar sweet smile. 

Talinda sat quiet for the moment, studying her one model who had shown up. Although most of their conversations revolved around Ryan, she and Chester had lingered into other topics of interest over the last few months. She had to admit that he seemed happier, his demeanor often flowing from content to downright giddy, depending on the day. She knew Chester’s relationship with his boyfriend was the cause of that. She didn’t know the details, and Ryan had only told her vague facts as he, true to character, protected Chester above everything else. But what she had gotten out of it all, was that Chester Bennington was in love, and his mental health was at an all time high. 

It was good to see, despite the downward spiral that Ryan seemed to be on. “Chester, you need to finish getting ready,” she said, pointing to the socks in his hand. She smiled when he sat down right where he was, and pulled them on. “We lucked out today,” she said as she watched Chester finish his socks and move onto his shoes. “They’re having a dickens of a time trying to get the lighting right for the mood Forrest is going for, so that buys us some time.” 

“What kind of mood?” Chester asked as he bent down on one knee to tie his gray Converse sneaker. 

“It’s supposed to be light and airy. Playful,” she informed him. “With some Fall colors in the background. You and Ryan are going to have leaves to stand in and throw at each other.” 

Chester laughed as he set to work on his other shoe. “Leaves? That sounds like fun. Like a leaf fight.” Already he could picture it in his head. They would stand opposite each other, each up to their ankles with a rainbow of colored leaves at their feet. They would throw them at each other - like snowballs - laughing and smiling and showing off the Fall line of Score Young Mens shirts and jeans.

Chester looked down. The light blue pair he’d been assigned fit him well. They hugged his small ass, and the bottoms fell just over the tops of his sneakers. There was only one very tasteful, very reserved, rip across his right thigh. Bold gray stitching ran up both legs, on the outside and matching inseam. They were fresh looking, and Chester was very ready to take his pair home and add them to his growing collection of Score clothing. With a closet at Amir’s and half a closet at Mike’s, it was getting easier and easier to justify bringing things home. _I just have to keep track of which closet everything is in. These are going to the apartment._

Talinda smiled as she stood up. She had to hand it to Forrest. He was right about Chester. He had a good eye for fashion, and the creative mind to go with it. “Yes, like a leaf fight,” she agreed. She left her clipboard behind on her chair to go over to the silver rack. She pulled the smokey gray belt down. “Come here,” she said with a wave.

Chester didn’t hesitate. After their incident with the choker a few months back, he and Talinda had come to the mutual understanding that he would never have anything placed around his neck. He hadn’t told her exactly why, but he’d said enough for her to get the picture that it just wasn’t acceptable. She never asked again. 

“Let me do this,” she instructed before she started to thread the belt through the loops on his jeans. “He’s so sweet, Chester,” she said as she worked. “And I don’t know Rob, but Ryan won’t say anything about him. I know more about you and Mike and Jason than I know about Rob.” 

Chester slowly turned as Talinda worked the belt around his waist. “He’s told you about Jay?” 

“Not a ton. I think it hurts him to talk about him,” she said, sympathy thick in her voice. “I know he misses him. A lot.” 

“I think so, too,” Chester affirmed. He took a step back when the belt was done, so he could buckle it himself. “The way they left things, it wasn’t good.” 

“ _That_ I did hear about,” she said as she took down the white short sleeved shirt from the hanger. She held it up, inspecting the gray breast pocket and the thick gray lining along the bottom and the shoulders. It was their newest item and it was ready to explode onto the market. She knew Chester would make it look great. She glanced over her shoulder at the red version Ryan was supposed to be wearing, and sighed. “Here,” she said, stepping forward and balling the sides of the shirt up to put over Chester’s head. “He told me Jason didn’t tell him goodbye. He said it at least three times. I think that really hurt him.” 

Chester got his arms through the sleeves, and before he knew it, Talinda was turning him around, tugging at the shirt and wiping off his shoulders. “I know. He told me that, too.” He sucked in his piercing as he stared at the door. _Come on, Ry. You’re better than this, buddy. I know you care. I know you want to be here._

More than once a small ball of anger towards Rob Bourdon had formed in Chester’s stomach, and he felt it again as he waited, as Talinda spun him around to inspect every square inch of his outfit. He didn’t exactly know how things were between Ryan and Rob, but it was clear _healthy_ wasn’t part of the deal. Ryan had never been a slacker when it came to work, and it was still hard for Chester to grasp that his friend was potentially screwing up a job Chester knew he loved. 

“You look good,” Talinda decided before she checked her watch. Chester was done, but he was only half of the scene they needed to shoot. “I’m going to try and call Ryan again,” she decided. She pulled her phone from her black dress slacks, just as there was another knock on the door. “That will be Forrest,” Talinda hissed in Chester’s direction before she hollered, “Come on in!” 

To their relief, it was Ryan who stepped in, and Talinda’s worry skipped to impatience. “Well it’s about time,” she said, going for her clipboard before she barreled toward the door. “Get dressed. We’re already running behind.” She went to stop, to say something to Ryan, but her phone buzzed, and she marched from the dressing room instead. She would ask him later if he was okay, try to get details. But right now it was time for work. 

The door shut. The room went silent. “What happened?” Chester asked as he stayed where he was. Ryan was in a pair of dark jeans and his leather jacket, along with a pair of heavy boots. All of that was normal, but the look in Ryan’s eyes wasn’t right, and it was keeping Chester where he was. “Are you okay?” 

Ryan swung Chester’s way, and his heart pinched. “You look great,” he said, taking a step forward. “I’m sorry, Chazzy. I didn’t mean to be late.” He shoved the sleeve of his jacket up, to see bare skin. “My watch is gone.” 

Chester cocked his head. “Are you drunk?” The question propelled his feet, putting him right in front of Ryan to get a better look at him. 

“I just had a little something in my coffee this morning,” Ryan admitted, a hard sigh following the admission. _It’s easier to forget after a drink._ His thoughts briefly skipped over the scene he’d woken up to, and the empty feeling that had come with it. The shame that crossed his belly as he ignored Chester’s text message, and the string of messages from Talinda. 

“Maybe more than a little something,” Chester decided before he pulled back, his face pinching. “Ry, you stink.” He looked his friend over a little closer, not missing the yellow-ish stain on the bottom part of his white muscle shirt, or the spot on his jeans that Chester wasn’t sure what it was. The amount of grease in Ryan’s hair could have started a fire. “When...when was the last time you showered?” Chester curled his arms around himself. The idea that Ryan Shuck wasn’t keeping himself clean was unsettling. Disturbing. 

“Don’t be dramatic, Chaz,” Ryan scoffed. “Probably a day.” He went to take a step forward, to cup his hand over Chester’s shoulder, but he stumbled. 

“Hey, careful,” Chester gasped, as he caught Ryan’s weight. “Are you sure you’re okay? We can tell Forrest you’re sick.” He was trying not to grimace, despite the rank odor coming off his friend. 

“I’m fine. Just give me a minute.” Ryan straightened himself up. He knew he’d had more than a little tequila that morning. It had been what was left over from the night before. It was enough to chase away the hangover, but too much to leave him completely sober. “I’ll get dressed and we’ll do this shoot,” he decided. He tugged at his leather jacket as he looked over at the silver rack and the clothes that were left for him. “Red. They always put me in red.” 

“Because you’re handsome in red,” Chester offered, before he reached to catch Ryan’s arm. “Come on, you need a shower before you even think about putting your outfit on.” He didn’t wait for Ryan to agree. He opened the door, and peeked out into the hallway. It was clear. “Okay, come on.” He tugged on Ryan’s arm, and they were off. 

They only had to make it down two hallways to get to the shower room. _We just have to get in and get out, without Forrest seeing us. Or Talinda. She won’t be happy about this. How did she not smell him when she walked by him earlier?_

“I don’t need a shower, Chazzy. I’m fine,” Ryan finally protested as Chester pulled him along, like he was a stubborn three-year-old not wanting to leave his toys. 

“Yeah, you do. Trust me,” Chester said over his shoulder as they turned the corner. He let out a breath when he saw it was clear. Nothing but the white walls and bamboo floors met them. He already had his eyes on the goal, the door at the end of the hallway, past the painting of models in red dresses, and the fake tree that stuck out of a bronze pot. It always had fairy lights on it, giving it a sort of modern feel, which Chester could appreciate. When he and Mike got their house, he wanted to get one just like it for their living room. 

“Are you going to shower, too?” Ryan asked as Chester pulled him through the swinging door, which led to the men’s shower room. He squinted at the bright white tiles, and the fluorescent lighting overhead. 

“No, just you,” Chester answered, as he let Ryan go. He left him there, standing by the double sinks as he went to the supply cabinets. He fetched a large towel and a bottle of shampoo. Soap was already in the two shower stalls. 

Chester sat both things on the wide vanity, not even glancing in the massive mirror that was perched above it. “Come on, we need to hurry,” he mumbled as he stepped forward. Sadness consumed him as he took Ryan’s leather jacket off. “You worry me,” he whispered, folding it carefully over the sink before going back to help Ryan with his shirt. “I hate seeing you do this to yourself, Ry.” 

“It was just a bad night, Chaz,” Ryan said. He stood still as he let Chester undress him. “Things got a little wild last night and I had a hard time getting started this morning. I don’t want you worrying over me,” he added as he went to put his arms around Chester, who was right in front of him, trying to undo his belt. “Do you know how long it’s been since you’ve taken my clothes off?” He leaned his head forward, wanting to kiss Chester’s face. 

“Ry, don’t,” Chester insisted, as he stepped back, his hands going up. He wasn’t against hugging his friend, but Ryan stunk, and they were already out of time. “You need to get clean. Finish getting everything off.” He turned away and stepped over to the first shower stall. He pushed back the weighted dark blue curtain to get the water going. The inside was only big enough for one, with the same bright white subway tiles as everything else. He quickly had warm water running. “Come on, you ready?” 

Ryan was still getting out of his jeans, his boots and socks off to the side with the rest of his clothes. “I’m about to be naked,” he laughed, as he shoved away his jeans and his underwear next. He was all grin as he looked at Chester, but his smile dropped when he glanced in the mirror. Partying with Rob hadn’t done him any favors. He knew he’d lost some weight over the last couple of months, but standing fully naked in front of the large mirror was revealing. He smoothed a hand over his flat stomach, and then his biceps, which seemed to have shrunk. His face was pale, his eyes red. He didn’t even want to examine his hair. “Fuck, Chaz. Look at me.”

The water was running, and the bathroom was quickly going to be filled with steam. “You’ll look and feel better after you get clean,” Chester offered. He waited, looking from Ryan, to Ryan’s reflection, and the way he wasn’t moving. For a second, his focus landed on the familiar gold charm hanging from Ryan’s neck. Despite it all, he was still wearing the Saint Dymphna necklace - the patron saint of mental health. It sent a pinch through Chester’s heart before he spoke up. “Ry? Come on, the water’s ready.”

With his eyes dropped, Ryan stepped away from the mirror and into the shower. Chester grabbed the shampoo. He handed it over before he pulled the curtain closed. “I’ll be right here!” he called, before he went over to the sinks. He shook his head, staring down at the pile of Ryan’s clothes. _Hopefully the shower will sober him up. Forrest will fire him if he knows he’s been drinking._

He bent down and scooped Ryan’s discarded items from the floor. He made quick work of folding them, trying his best not to touch anything too much. When their shoot was over, he would make sure Ryan put clean clothes on before he left. _And these need to go in a garbage bag until they can be washed._

A few minutes later he heard the water turn off. He grabbed the towel from the vanity and went over to stand in front of the shower. “I have your towel! Do you feel better?” 

Ryan ran a wet hand over his face, shoving his sopping hair out of his eyes. He had to admit, he did feel better. He hadn’t realized just how dirty he was until his skin had been covered with soap and then rinsed clean. He stood up a little straighter, his mind clearer. “Yeah,” he answered as he pulled back the shower curtain. “I really needed that.” He took the towel from Chester, and after quickly drying off and running it over his hair, he wrapped it around his waist. “Look,” he said with a genuine smile, “it’s like at YRS. Remember? Always walking through the hallways in towels.” He motioned down at the fluffy yellow cloth that covered his waist and down past his knees. 

“Yeah. And just like at YRS, let’s get through the hallways as fast as we can.” Chester opened the door; cool air rushed into the steamy bathroom immediately. He motioned for Ryan to go first. His friend needed to shave, too. Ryan’s sexy scruff looked more like a beard, adding years to his face. _They’ll fix that in makeup,_ he silently decided. _And they’ll do his hair for him. He’s clean, and I’ll get him dressed, and it’s going to be okay._

Ryan nodded as he went to walk out, but he stopped. “Thanks, Chazzy,” he said, and this time his hug landed. He pulled Chester into his arms, kissing the side of his face. “Things have just been hard,” he whispered, before he pressed his lips to Chester’s neck. 

“I know,” Chester soothed. He was quick to hug Ryan back, before he reminded him they really needed to get going. They could talk about everything later, but right now they had to get ready before Talinda or Forrest came looking for them. He was relieved when Ryan didn’t resist. “Take your clothes,” Chester reminded him, pointing at the neatly folded stack of his friend’s belongings. 

Ryan stepped over to the vanity and scooped them up before he headed out the door. He felt a million times better, and now the idea of getting dressed and going through hair and makeup actually felt possible. 

Chester watched Ryan for a second, before he stepped back into the shower room. He grabbed the shampoo bottle, wiped it off and returned it to the supply cabinet. He looked around, but everything else was in order, just the way they’d found it. With the door propped open, the steam was already filtering out, the fog on the mirror fading. “Shit,” Chester hissed as he caught sight of his shirt. He looked down at himself, pulling at his clothes. He was wet. “Dammit, Ry.” He growled under his breath before he spun around, turned off the lights and kicked the door stopper up so it would close. 

He zipped down the hallway, madly pulling at his shirt front, trying to get it to dry, just as he ran into Forrest. He stopped, his mind going on freeze, like he had no idea what to say to his boss. 

“We’re already running late, Chester, what are you doing?” Forrest asked, before his attention zeroed in on the wet stain on the front of Chester’s Score outfit. “What happened?” 

“I, well, I was,” Chester stuttered as he glanced down the hallway, back toward the shower room. “I got water on me,” he finally said. He knew it wasn’t the exact truth, but it wasn’t a lie, and right now that was good enough. He didn’t want to lie to Forrest Mullan, so a half truth was going to have to do. He spotted Talinda over Forrest’s shoulder, who was watching him with wide eyes. “Sorry, Forrest. It will dry.” 

Forrest put his hands on the hips of his dark dress pants. It had already been a long morning - a parade of frustration after frustration, first the lights, then they didn’t have enough leaves for the set, Ryan was still getting dressed, and now Chester’s shirt was ruined. “Chester,” he said, keeping his voice calm and professional, “I know you tend to be a little accident prone, but, please, we need to get through this shoot before I lose my mind. Talinda, get him another shirt,” he said, his voice dipping to something gruff as he stalked away. 

Chester opened his mouth, ready to say something in his own defense, but he couldn’t. He dropped his head instead, staring at the floor. “Fuck,” he whispered. 

“He’s not mad at you,” Talinda assured him quickly. She stepped up beside him, caressing his upper arm. “Chester, it’s okay. I’ll get you another shirt.” She glanced down the other hallway. She’d already seen Ryan in his towel and his mop of wet hair. It was easy to figure out why Chester’s shirt was wet. “You’re a good friend to him,” she encouraged, giving him a light squeeze. “Okay? Now go on. Help him get dressed so we can all get through this shoot.” 

****

Mike slid his sunglasses on as soon as he stepped out of the music library. Tired didn’t even start to describe how he was feeling as he started walking across campus to his apartment. With his backpack adding weight to his already aching shoulders, all he could think about was getting home and getting a hot shower. _And dinner. I wonder what Ches is making for dinner._

He’d left Chester asleep in their bed for his eight a.m. music theory class, and spent all morning in classes before he left for the library. There was a music history paper due next week that required research, and with Chester at work, it was an opportunity to do some of that without taking time away from his boyfriend. Now he was hoping that Chester had beat him home, and he would walk into the smell of dinner being made. It happened that way so frequently that it was hard not to expect that scene daily. He’d come in and shower, and then they would have dinner and talk about their day before he settled in to study or practice. 

_I wonder what he’ll think about Matt offering to help with the topic for my paper. I really just wanted to be alone this afternoon, but it was nice to have some pointers. Even if it’s a little weird, since he’s my T.A. But he didn’t mean anything by it, he was in the library studying._ Mike’s eyebrows furrowed behind his sunglasses as he thought about Matt joining him at the small table in the corner where he’d spread out three different reference books and was taking notes. _People study together all the time, but I prefer my space. I thought everyone kind of knew that by now._ He hooked his fingers over his backpack straps and looked casually behind him. Matt had stayed at the library when Mike gathered up his things to leave, but Mike had a strange feeling that the other man wouldn’t be staying much longer. 

It didn’t matter. Mike shrugged off the slightly uneasy feeling that accompanied being alone with Matt and tried to enjoy the few minutes of sunshine he felt on his face as he walked. He was spending so much time in class and studying that it felt like he hardly ever got enough California sun anymore. _We should go to the beach this weekend. Ches will love that, and I could use the break. I might be able to run a little bit with him, too._ The thought was a cheerful one, and Mike’s footsteps quickened as he turned around a corner and his apartment building came into view. It was a habit to make the last turn and scan the parking lot for Chester’s car, to see if he was already at home, waiting for him. _Home. With its small kitchen and tragic bathroom, and he still wants to be here with me._ Mike’s mood lifted when he spied Chester’s car. It was the best sight he’d seen all day. There was new energy in his steps as Mike climbed the stairs to the second floor, ready to snuggle Chester in his arms. 

It was a surprise to open the door to a silent apartment. Mike dropped his backpack next to the couch as he glanced into the kitchen, where there was no sign of his boyfriend, or of dinner being started. “Ches?” he called, taking off his sunglasses and leaving them on the bar with his keys and phone. There weren’t many places to hide in the tiny apartment. Mike peeked toward the bathroom and when it was also silent and dark, he turned toward the bedroom. 

Mike stopped short, right inside the bedroom door. Chester was laying on the bed, but not in the sexy, suggestive way he sometimes surprised Mike. He was fully dressed, his arms crossed over his chest as he lay on his side, staring at the door. A feeling of dread hit Mike instantly as he scanned over Chester’s vacant expression, the way he was holding his sides, and the way his knees were pulled up to his chest. Something wasn’t right, that much was obvious, and it didn’t appear that Chester was even seeing him. 

“Ches?” Mike whispered, creeping quietly into the bedroom. “Are you okay? What’s wrong babe?” There wasn’t any room to kneel on the floor in front of Chester. Mike sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed and cautiously reached his hand over to rub Chester’s arm. “Ches?” he tried again, waiting for his boyfriend to look at him. 

Chester shut his eyes. “It was a bad day, Mike,” he whimpered before he twisted his head and looked up at his boyfriend. “Ryan was late, and Talinda was freaking out. When he finally showed up, he’d been drinking. He looked awful and he smelled...like he hadn’t had a shower in a week.” He stopped for a second, the memory from only a few hours ago fresh in his mind. “I got him cleaned up, but my clothes got wet and then Forrest got mad at me for it.” He let out a harsh breath. “Talinda said he wasn’t mad at me, he was just frustrated over everything else, but I couldn’t even tell him it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t want Ry to get in trouble. If Forrest found out, he would have fired him.” 

It was a lot to take in at once. Mike’s hand went from Chester’s arm to the top of his head, gently stroking the curls there. Ryan and the strange ways he was acting had been a topic of conversation more and more lately, and this sounded like the worst the other man had been yet. Mike knew the way Ryan was behaving was worrying Chester, but this particular story lodged something heavy even in Mike’s stomach. “He was drunk? In the morning?” Despite all of the easy access to alcohol in their past at YRS, it wasn’t like any of them to be drunk before lunch. 

Chester nodded under Mike’s touch. “Not real bad, but enough for me to notice. He wasn’t acting like himself at all. He got better after the shower, and we did the shoot.” He stopped as he thought back to the way it had taken twice as long as normal to get Ryan into the right headspace, for their smiles and laughter to look genuine on film. “It took forever. I think the pictures turned out okay in the end, but it was exhausting. And then Ryan didn’t even want to talk about it after. He told me not to worry, that it was a bad night and he shouldn’t have had a drink this morning. I asked him what happened, but he wouldn’t tell me. He won’t tell me anything anymore.”

Mike bit down on his bottom lip in thought. For so long he’d wished that there was a more defined line between Chester and Ryan, and it was uncomfortable to realize that he was now wishing for the complete opposite. It hurt Mike to see how much Ryan’s distance was hurting his boyfriend. He wasn’t sure what to say to help. “It sounds like he’s going through a lot, Ches.” He kept his hand moving over Chester’s hair, softly soothing him. Thoughts of his day and being tired, of his back being sore from studying, were far away. “I don’t know how to help,” he said honestly.

Chester sniffed before he turned his head, kissing Mike’s arm. “Lay with me?” he asked. “I want to snuggle for a few minutes, if you have time.” 

Mike kicked off his shoes and nudged Chester over a little bit, then scooted onto the bed facing his boyfriend. He curled an arm around his middle, pulling their bodies close and tangling their legs together. “I always have time for you,” he whispered, resting his forehead against Chester’s. They lay in silence for a few moments before Mike said, “I’m sorry you had a bad day, babe. I know how worried you are.” 

Chester’s head was against Mike’s chest. His warmth and familiar smell was a comfort he could never put into words. “He’s completely shut me out, and I don’t know why. And not just me, but Talinda, too. When he first moved in with her, they were getting along so well. Like friends. Ry was happy about it. She told me today that he stays out all night sometimes, and he doesn’t always tell her when he’s not going to be there. Fuck, Mike, I couldn’t handle that. I can’t believe he acts like that towards her. And now he’s screwing up at work.” He nuzzled his face into Mike’s shirt. 

Thoughts like, _it’s going to get better_ and _he’ll be okay_ came to Mike’s mind, but he realized he had no idea if those sentiments were true. Mike just kissed the top of Chester’s head and whispered, “try not to worry so much. I know it’s hard, but when he’s ready, he’ll talk to you.” Mike closed his eyes as Chester’s hand tightened in his shirt. _He better talk to you, Ches. I hope he doesn’t wait too long._

****  
TBC


	4. Cupcakes and Champagne

Mike reached into his backpack for a different color highlighter, pulling out a blue one while he kept an ear on the professor. So far at USC he’d found his greatest challenge to be music history. There were so many dates to memorize, and a lot of overlap on time periods and genres. He knew this first semester was just an overview of the next four semesters to come, and it was important to get a good foundation. He highlighted in blue the overlapping years, and saved the orange for years that belonged solely to one time period. It made sense that there was overlap, as composers innovated and started to change styles.

He loved it. He loved every moment of the class, despite the fact it took far more studying than he thought it would. For every hour he spent in lecture, he spent another three reading, outlining, and writing, but so far he had an A in the class. The one math class he needed to take for his degree was a snap, he was keeping up with his practice, and doing fine in aural skills despite never having considered himself a singer. Even music theory - an entirely new skill set for him - was going well. His T.A. didn’t miss an opportunity to compliment him in class. 

The thought of Matt distracted Mike from the lecture for a moment. His homework was tucked inside a folder in his backpack, and Mike was confident in his work. Knowledge of the subject matter or the quality of his work wasn’t the reason his stomach took a nervous turn when he thought of his next class. It didn’t even bother him that Matt liked to call on him frequently. Mike usually knew the answer when he was asked. What bothered him was the way Matt smiled at him sometimes. It made Mike feel uncomfortable, and if he’d been friends with anyone in the class, he might have asked if anyone else noticed. But he had made a point to keep to himself, so there wasn’t anyone he trusted enough to ask. 

The other students in his classes were familiar faces, but Mike hadn’t gotten into the study groups and trival party scene. He wasn’t the most experienced person, by any means, but he’d lived a lot of life in the past three years and felt like he didn’t identify with the other students. All he wanted to do when he left class was get home to Chester, whether that was to share a meal or something a little more, or to simply fall asleep together. It was different from the casual dating he heard snippets of between students before class started.

Mike glanced around the large lecture hall. There were a few students he could call by name, but not many. Most of the faces he could pick out were piano majors like him, and he saw them in his weekly studio class. Two other young guys, Evan and John, and a girl, Emma. None of them were in his theory class with Matt, so it wouldn’t do any good to ask them. He focused back on the rest of the history lecture, taking small notes in the margins of his textbook in his blocky capital lettering until class was over.

He decided not to put the music history book in his backpack, opting instead to carry the heavy volume to his next class. It was in the same building, on the ground floor, a smaller classroom that only held about thirty people instead of the two hundred in his history class. Mike walked slowly, making sure he wouldn’t be the first person in the room. He hated the way he felt pressured to make small talk just because he was in the room, and he really didn’t want to have to talk to Matt any more than necessary. _I don’t want him to think even for a second that I want to be friends. He keeps asking me to come out with the graduate students and I keep saying no. I’m not a graduate student, even if I am old enough to be. If I’d started college after high school, I could be a graduate student. If I wanted to do that. I wonder if I’ll want to do that._ He pondered that thought as he went into the room, carefully setting his textbook on the desk and dropping his backpack next to him when he sat down. 

There were still a few minutes before class started, so he fished his phone out of his pocket. It lit up instantly with a picture of him and Chester, a selfie they’d taken sitting on the couch in the tiny apartment. Mike smiled as he unlocked his phone and opened a text message.

 **Mike:** _Hope your day is going well. Don’t forget you’re picking me up for dinner after work. I love you!_

He didn’t have time to wait for a response. He’d have to look at it after class. Right now, Matt was collecting homework, and Mike hadn’t even dug his out of his folder yet. Mike quickly pulled out his folder and stuck his homework in Matt’s hand as he walked down the aisle.

“How did everyone do on that figured bass?” 

Mike glanced up as Matt addressed the room, but winked at Mike. He personally hadn’t had any issues with the assignment, and both of them knew it. He’d been working out chord inversions since he started playing piano, but there were other specialists in his class, vocal and instrumental majors, who had never worked on music in the same detail. There was an onslaught of questions, and Mike quickly found himself bored and doodling in the margins of his theory book. 

Before Matt wrapped up class, Mike had an entire village of Eskimos on the sides of the next lesson. Some were ice fishing, some were petting penguins, and then there were the two he drew a lot lately, with the two child-sized Eskimos at their side. They were having a picnic of ice cubes, and the silly concept made Mike smile. He was about to give one of the Eskimos a lip ring, but everyone started to pack up. Mike looked up at the white board and jotted down the assignment before he closed his theory book. The other students in his class were chatting with each other as they put away notebooks and pencils, and Mike was ready to meet Chester.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, and Chester’s answering text was waiting for him.

 **Chester:** _I’m leaving Score now. Hope you’re ready for sushi! I’ve already got dessert planned for later. I can’t wait to see you. You’re so much better looking than all these models hanging around here today. I’m ready for some Sexy Boy eye candy :)_

Before Mike could respond, Matt was calling his name from the front of the room. He looked over and saw Dan with him. They were watching Mike, and Matt waved him over. Dan Mayo was another graduate student, a friend of Matt’s that was part of the group always trying to get Mike to come out on the weekends. Mike sighed and picked up his backpack and music history book, walking over to stand next to the upright piano. “Did you need something?” he asked, motioning to the stack of homework in Matt’s hand. “I turned mine in.”

Matt glanced over at Dan, then back at Mike. “I got your homework. I’m sure I don’t even need to grade it. Us pianists grew up on figured bass.” He flashed Mike a smile, all straight, perfect white teeth and bright blue eyes. “Dan and I were just wondering if you wanted to come out with the guys and have a beer or two. It’s happy hour, and it’s early. Surely you can come out and have a drink before your boyfriend gets off work.” 

“I don’t think so.” Mike looked between Matt and Dan. Dan was shorter, with a mop of curly hair and a friendlier face, and Mike spoke to him instead of Matt. “I’m meeting Chester after class.” He didn’t want to give any more information than necessary, like the fact he’d been promised sushi, or how he didn’t like beer anyway. He waved his phone in the air between the three of them. “He’s picking me up.”

Dan glanced from Mike to Matt before he crossed his arms over his blue and yellow pinstripe shirt. He leaned his butt against the piano. “You always have plans with your boyfriend. Doesn’t that get...smothering?” he asked, tilting one hand back and forth. 

“Smothering?” Mike echoed, his tongue twisting around the word. “I hardly ever get to see him anymore.”

Matt tapped his finger on the pile of assignments. “Well I know it’s not my class keeping you busy.” He gave Mike a grin. “You probably could have tested out of Theory 1. It doesn’t seem to be causing you any problems.” He could see the pleased look on Mike’s face when he complimented him. “It’s Pollard’s class, isn’t it? Dan’s a music history pro.” He hiked his thumb at his friend.

Mike looked down at the music history book in his hand. “It’s not hard. Just time intensive.” He stopped himself from mentioning that he and Chester used to spend all day together. It wasn’t a subject he wanted to get into, not with Matt and Dan. “I’ll keep it in mind, though, Dan. If I need some help.”

Dan nodded. “Fair enough. Well, don’t let us keep you, but if you change your mind, we know you’d have fun with our group.” He glanced at Matt before adding. “You know there’s so much you can gain from other music majors. We speak the same language that _other_ people just don’t understand.” 

The implication was so obvious it was barely an implication. Chester was one of the others. “Maybe next time,” Mike said before he turned away, mentally kicking himself for leaving an open door. The last thing he wanted was for Matt to keep asking. He couldn’t get out of the room fast enough.

Matt watched him go, his eyes drifting down Mike’s backside. He didn’t understand Mike’s flannel obsession, but it wasn’t bothersome, especially not when a shirt got hung on his backpack a little bit and showed off his ass unexpectedly. “Mmm,” he grunted as Mike left. “I would so tag that.” 

“So far you’re failing miserably,” Dan smirked. He tilted his head to get a better view as Mike Shinoda disappeared from sight. “There is something about him. He’s way too hung up on that boyfriend of his though.” He shoved both hands in his pockets. 

“Have you seen him?” Matt asked as he shoved the collected assignments into a folder and then the folder into his messenger bag. It was great that he got paid to be a T.A., but grading a bunch of freshman theory papers was not the way he liked spending his evenings. He glared at the bag for a second before he picked it up. “He’s at Mike’s all the time. I told Mike he should be careful with that.” They started toward the door together. “He doesn’t look like the type that will be hanging around long. I wonder how they even met. The boyfriend clearly has some money.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen his car,” Dan agreed. “But I’ve never really gotten a good look at him up close. He doesn’t seem to be anything like Mike, though.” Dan led the way outside, holding the door for Matt before he let it swing closed. “Mike’s so artsy and talented. Have you seen some of the little things he doodles? Man, he could easily be an art major if he wanted. And if his boyfriend has money, then why would he be staying on campus so much?” It wasn’t the first time they’d talked about the mysteries of Mike and Chester, but the topic never seemed to get old. 

“I’m telling you, there’s something not right about it. Maybe Mike’s the other man or something.” Matt smirked for a second. “He might not even question Chester never taking him home.” He thought about that, realizing that Chester stayed at the apartment far too much to have a completely second life, but he just couldn’t figure out a justification for why things were the way they were. “And yeah, he doodles all through my lecture. If he wasn’t aceing the assignments I’d have already called him out on it.” 

They were headed back towards the apartments. It was time for happy hour, and Dan wanted to change clothes before going out. “There it is,” he said, pointing at the red sports car in the distance. “You can’t miss it. Candy apple red piece of heaven.” He stopped, and grabbed the sleeve of Matt’s shirt. “Speak of the devil.” He nodded. Just getting out of the car was the person they knew as Chester, even though they’d never been introduced to him. “I don’t know, Harris, he might have you beat. He might not be a music major, but he dresses like the money, too. I bet that’s what Mike sees in him. It’s money.” 

Matt scoffed at the idea as he watched the couple kiss before Chester opened the passenger door so Mike could get inside. “Mike doesn’t seem like he’d be that superficial. He’s deep.” 

Dan rolled his eyes before shoving his thick-framed glasses up on his nose. “He’s deep,” he repeated. “You don’t even know him. But if you don’t think it’s the money, then maybe it’s great sex.” Dan elbowed Matt playfully as they headed up the stairs to get to the second floor of the apartment building. “If it’s the sex, I don’t think you have a shot with him at all. I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve heard people commenting on some of the Wild Kingdom noises come from Mike’s apartment.”

“That’s _got_ to be overstated,” Matt said. “These walls are thin. You know how it is. You can hear someone turning pages in a book the next apartment over.” He thought about it for a second, trying to picture anything like animalistic sex coming from Mike. The image of Mike Shinoda naked was one Matt had thought of many times since they’d met. It seemed like the greatest challenge, someone like Mike. Introverted, intelligent, and smokin’ hot without really knowing he was that good looking. “And what’s this about not having a shot? You questioning my skills in the bedroom, Mayo? I could get him if I really tried. He wouldn’t be the first I had to win over.” He glanced toward Mike’s apartment as they walked by. 

Dan tried not to laugh. “Not questioning your skills. Just saying if the guy’s great in bed, that will make it harder to get Mike away from him. Do you realize every time we invite him to anything, the first words out of his mouth are ‘Chester this’ and ‘Chester that’.” Dan rubbed his fingers over his short beard as he thought. “I bet you a hundred bucks you can’t even get a kiss out of Mike, let alone a fuck.”

Matt stopped turning the key in his lock and looked squarely at Dan. “One hundred for a kiss? And what if I do get him in bed? Two?”

Dan grinned. He was pretty sure there was no way in heaven or hell that Matthias Harris would be able to get Mike Shinoda in bed. “Alright. A hundred if you get a kiss - a real kiss. A two-way kiss. And I’ll go two hundred if you get him in bed. But,” he said, his hands going to his hips, “if you get neither, and he stays with Chester, that’s fifty bucks to me.” He pointed at his chest, rather pleased with himself. It was going to be an easy fifty dollars. 

“You’re too easy.” Matt grinned, shaking Dan’s hand to seal the deal. “You watch. I’ll have him spending the night before the end of the semester. Guys like Mike, they’re all the same. Throw a few compliments, get ‘em blushing, and you’re more than halfway there. Boyfriend or not.” He tossed his bag inside and closed and locked the door. “Come on. We don’t need to go in there. Let’s get to Nelly’s before happy hour is over.” 

****

Dinner at the Sushi Den had been good - better than Chester had expected - and now he was ready for the dessert he’d been planning for the last couple of days. It was finally Friday, which meant that he and Mike were both due for a rest from work. 

Chester took three steps forward, leaving the stove to get to the bar. He leaned over it, looking back toward the bedroom. The door was open, but everything was silent. Mike had come in from dinner saying he needed to do a little bit of homework before it got too late. _Well his time is just about up._ He knew his boyfriend was sitting on the bed, legs crossed under him with at least one book open. Probably more like three. But the kitchen was filled with the aroma of chocolate, ginger, and the raspberry sauce that was cooling on the bar. Chester’s nose told him that the cupcakes were ready to come out of the oven, which meant it was almost showtime.

He spun around, grabbed his lobster claw oven mitt from the counter and pulled the pan from the oven. He swooned for a second over the dark, decadent cakes. “My beauties,” he whispered in his sexiest voice. “Mike’s going to love you.” He set them down away from the hot oven and grabbed an extra sheet tray, which was stashed on top of the refrigerator. He fanned it over the hot cupcakes for a few minutes before he decided to leave them be. They’d be cool soon enough and then he could get the icing and raspberry drizzle on them. 

He looked over the bar one more time, but there was still zero noise coming from the bedroom, and no sight of his boyfriend. _He’s working so hard. I always knew he was dedicated. The way he cared about his students at Red Pelican and now he puts all of that passion into his studies. Not sure I could do that._

That thought stayed on Chester’s mind as he took down two champagne flutes from the cabinet. He set them side by side on the bar. _He was dedicated at YRS, too. No matter what Mark had us do, he tried to do his best even though he hated it._ In that moment, Chester suddenly realized he was selling himself short. He himself had spent years at YRS, learning how to perform in front of the camera, how to take great photos, how to act, how to memorize lines, and get along with a large variety of people he didn’t always necessarily like. He learned how to give a good interview, and to be a team player. Despite all the bad at YRS, Chester had given his all and he was still doing that at Score. _I’m learning so much more there. Every day. So I guess that’s a kind of school, too._

He glanced toward the bedroom one more time. _Only my homework isn’t books. I go for runs and spend time at the gym to stay in shape. Mike’s homework is all mental._ Chester sighed as he turned back around to face the kitchen. He took the bottle of champagne he’d bought and popped the cork, making sure to hold his hand over it so it wouldn’t be loud. He poured both their glasses. He smiled as the bubbles tickled his nose when he took a sip. “Mmmm, it’s so good,” he purred quietly to himself. Champagne was a favorite at Score, especially when it came to rubbing elbows with guests and future business partners. Thanks to Forrest Mullan, Chester now had a favorite brand of champagne, and he was curious to see if Mike would like it as much as he did. Because of his meds, Chester knew he had to be mindful of his alcohol intake, so one glass or maybe a glass and a half would be enough. He wasn’t perfect at keeping the limit, but on most occasions he did well. 

His frosting for the cupcakes was already made and in the piping bag - a raspberry concoction that was filled with the fresh fruit and wasn’t overly sweet. It didn’t take long to swirl his twelve cupcakes with the light pink frosting. He took down a plate from the cabinet and put three cupcakes on it - two for Mike and one for him. They were on the bigger side, so he knew one would be enough to satisfy his sweet tooth, but his boyfriend was a different story. 

Chester carefully drizzled the raspberry sauce over the three on the plate, picked up the champagne flutes with one hand, and headed for the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway, not surprised at all to see Mike doing exactly what he’d imagined. They’d both already had their showers after they’d come in from dinner, and Mike was in his white and gray flannel pajama bottoms with a dark maroon colored t-shirt on top. It wasn’t Chester’s idea of a great combination, but he knew it didn’t matter. Mike wouldn’t be wearing the mismatched outfit for long. 

“Sexy Boy,” he called, taking a step into the bedroom. “Are you ready for a break? I made us some sexy cupcakes to go with the champagne.” He held both up. 

A smile hit Mike’s lips at what he could see of Chester between the hair that fell in his eyes as he looked up. The look on his lover’s face was inviting, and it wasn’t just the idea of cupcakes and champagne. He didn’t look back down at his books. “Yeah, I can take a break,” he said, dropping his pencil in the crack of the thick volume open on the bed. Mike reached, not for the champagne flute, but for Chester’s hip. “Those smell good,” he added as an afterthought. He loved cupcakes, but he loved Chester more.

“I hope you’ll like them,” Chester offered as he sat down on the bed. He left the plate of cupcakes on top of Mike’s open book. “Instinct told me you needed something sweet and sexy to balance out all this studying.” He handed off one of the champagne flutes before tilting his head to line up a soft kiss to Mike’s lips. His eyes closed instantly as one kiss turned to two. The day had been long, but Chester’s energy was still intact. He wanted to spoil all of his boyfriend’s senses - his eyes, his nose, his taste, his touch. _Music. We should put on some music before things get too far along. Something smooth and sexy._

“Mmm,” Mike hummed as they slowly pulled away from each other. “I _know_ I’ll like them. You made them. They smell delicious.” He looked down at the champagne flute in his hand. “Where have you been hiding these?” he teased, looking down at the bubbles. “You have all kinds of things hidden away in this apartment, don’t you?” He took a small sip, a taste, and quickly decided the champagne was good. The bubbles tickled his tongue.

Chester cocked his eyebrow before he took a sip, too. “You could probably say that I’m slowly moving everything in. There’s more space in this place than you think. I brought these over the other day, just for tonight.” He raised his champagne flute. “Go on, try your cupcake. They’re chocolate-ginger with raspberry frosting and drizzle.” He pointed over the plate. “Ginger’s an aphrodisiac, you know.” 

“Oh yeah?” It was Mike’s turn to cock his eyebrow as he reached for a cupcake. He held it up and inhaled deeply, smelling all the chocolate and raspberry goodness before he stuck his tongue out to taste the frosting. The pink frosting wasn’t too sweet. It was light and fruity and Mike wrinkled his nose at it. “Frosting is yummy,” he said, then took a bite of the cupcake, frosting and all. He felt frosting go all over his beard but he knew Chester wouldn’t care. The cake was moist and Mike closed his eyes to appreciate it. He savored the bite and licked his lips after he swallowed. “I love your cupcakes.” 

Chester hadn’t moved. One of his favorite things in life was watching Mike eat. He wasn’t sure if that was weird or not, but he didn’t care. “I’m glad they turned out okay.” He reached for one and took a quick, careful bite before he chuckled. He pointed his champagne flute at Mike’s chin. “You’ve already got frosting on you. I kinda like the black and pink look.” 

“Black and pink is a good combination on _you_.” Mike grinned before he took another giant bite of cupcake. He’d be finished with the first one in just one more bite, and he hoped the remaining cupcake on the plate was for him. Even though he knew it probably was, he was going to offer to share it, just in case Chester wanted more. _How many cupcakes does he make at once? And how long do these take? How long have I been in here?_ He licked the frosting off his fingers and looked toward the window, but it was dark. “I think I’ve been studying too long tonight,” he decided. “This was the perfect interruption. I’m finished with everything but you tonight.”

Mike took another sip of champagne, then a third. It was a good balance to the sweetness of the cupcake. “I like this,” he said, pointing the champagne flute at his boyfriend. “When did you get into champagne?”

Chester swallowed his bite of cupcake. “We have a lot of it at Score events. Anytime we have people over, Forrest breaks out the champagne.” He smiled lightly at his lover, the alcohol already making everything feel just a little bit warmer. Sexier. “This one’s my favorite. I’m glad you like it. I think it goes great with desserts.” 

“You know what else goes great with desserts? You.” Mike leaned over and pressed his lips to Chester’s, even though he knew he had a face full of frosting. The raspberry flavor added a little something extra to the soft peck. “You want to share the last one?” he asked, looking into Chester’s eyes instead of at the cupcake. It was true that he loved food, and desserts, but Chester had his complete attention at the moment. Everything about his boyfriend was soft and inviting as he started to feel the alcohol. 

Chester swallowed his last bite and licked his lips. “Nope. That one’s for you, Sexy Boy. Here, I’ll get you a refill on your drink.” He reached for the empty champagne flute before he pecked a kiss to Mike’s beard, making sure to hit a spot covered in frosting. “And I’ll bring you back a napkin,” he laughed before he stood up from the bed and headed for the kitchen.

Mike smiled back and reached for his second cupcake. He watched Chester turn and didn’t feel bad at all about staring at his ass on the way out the door. He almost thought about asking Chester to bring back another cupcake, but decided three at one time was probably too many. _Besides, I want free hands when he comes back. I need to get rid of these books, too. No books in the bedroom._ He closed up his school work between bites of cupcake and moved everything off to the floor on his side of the bed, then used his foot to slide it up under the bed out of the way. The last cupcake was gone when Chester came back in with more champagne. 

Mike reached for it and smiled at the napkin. Chester had even wet it a little for him. “You wanna help me out with that?” 

“I guess I should, since it was my cupcakes that got you this way.” Chester had to laugh a little as he sat down and started to wipe pink frosting away from his boyfriend’s beard. “My god, Mike, you got it all over you,” he said with a snort. He sat back to look at his work. “I think I got it all though.” 

“You might need to get closer to check,” Mike suggested, raising both eyebrows. “A beard inspection.”

Chester twisted around to drop the now-pink napkin on the nightstand. “Okay, hold still and I’ll take a better look.” With the books gone from the bed, and Mike’s legs now stretched out in front of him, it was easy for Chester to straddle his lap. He was careful not to bump Mike’s champagne flute. “Let me see,” he said, faking how closely he was actually looking at Mike’s beard as he turned his chin left, then right. His interest was more in Mike’s lips, and pushing Mike’s bangs from his eyes to get a better look at the face he loved. 

Mike watched as Chester looked him over. He had the champagne flute in one hand, but the other had gone straight to Chester’s waist the second he climbed onto his lap. Mike could feel the heat of their bodies through their pajama pants, and he wasn’t all that concerned about rogue frosting. “How’s it look?” he whispered, his fingers sneaking their way up under the edge of Chester’s shirt.

“It looks good,” Chester said, his hand moving from Mike’s chin to skate over his cheek, down his neck, and to his shoulder. He leaned his head down to steal a kiss. The taste of champagne on Mike’s lips was its own form of intoxication. He let his fingers feather back up his boyfriend’s neck, and then under the collar of his t-shirt. His skin was warm, he tasted delicious, and Chester rocked his hips forward as he pressed his tongue to Mike’s. 

Mike had his hand all the way under Chester’s shirt, his fingers spread wide over the small of his back. He was holding him close with one hand while they kissed, and then Mike gave a light suck to Chester’s lip ring before they broke apart. His heart was already racing. “You feel nice and warm,” he said, pressing his fingers into Chester’s back. He brought the forgotten champagne flute to his lips and had a little more. “This is all cold and tickly, but your kisses are nice and warm. I want to trade this for you. You want to set it on the table for me?” He held the champagne flute between them. Mike couldn’t lean over far enough to reach the night stand with Chester perched on his lap.

Without a word, Chester sat the glass off to the side. It was a simple bend and twist for him and then he was right back in Mike’s space. Both hands went to his boyfriend’s face as they kissed again. It had been a long week and a lot of passing out together at night from exhaustion, rather than from steamy sex. Chester was ready to change that up tonight. He pulled back and dropped his hands to the front of Mike’s maroon colored t-shirt. “Mind if I get rid of this?” 

“Go for it.” Mike didn’t resist and Chester pulled the soft shirt over his head. It was gone in a flash and he didn’t care. He loved it when Chester got him naked. “Yours, too,” he instructed, tugging at the bottom of Chester’s shirt. “No sense in us not matching.” 

It took Chester two seconds to ditch his white muscle shirt. “Done,” he announced, flashing Mike his biggest smile. “I should get points for efficiency.” He didn’t wait for his boyfriend to say anything. His hands were back on him, running down the front of Mike’s chest, teasing his nipples while they kissed. A minute later, Chester was off to the races, kissing over Mike’s beard and down his neck, his hips moving with his lips. 

There was no problem catching up. Mike was in the game the second Chester’s hands were back on his body. It was all a welcome relief from school work, and Mike pushed it all out of his mind as his hands felt over Chester’s naked back and sides. He closed his eyes and let Chester work magic with his lips. “That feels so good,” he sighed, shifting to get his body closer to his boyfriend. The way Chester was rocking against him was creating the good kind of friction that made Mike want to grab onto his hips and flip him over, but it had been more than a week since they’d made love. Despite his cock being awake and ready to go, he wasn’t going to let it call the shots. He wanted to let Chester lead them tonight. After all, he was the one who thought up cupcakes and champagne, which was a signal to Mike that they were in for a more romantic evening. 

Chester pressed his weight into his knees before he lifted himself up and scooted back, halfway down Mike’s legs so he could pick at the waistband of the gray and white pajama bottoms. “And these?” he purred, looking up into Mike’s dark eyes. “I want to take these off next.” He leaned his head down, and kissed all around Mike’s lap - his upper thighs one at a time, his hidden cock, and then his bare stomach. He heard Mike mumble approval from overhead, and Chester was on task. 

He managed the pajama pants and Mike’s boxers off at once in a series of lifts and pulls. By the time he got himself between Mike’s legs, his boyfriend was naked from head to toe, but still sitting up. Chester’s hands were on either side of Mike’s hips as they kissed. He had his lover’s legs wide open as he sat on his knees, leaning forward. “Sexy Boy,” he hummed as he kissed over Mike’s bare shoulder, and then up under his chin. “I’m ready to kiss all over you.” 

Mike barely opened his eyes to look at Chester, but he could see that his lover was still wearing his pajama pants. “You have too many clothes on,” he protested, trying to get his fingers up under the waistband. Chester wasn’t giving him a chance to do anything to get him naked, though. He wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to kiss all over, and Mike’s head was back on the headboard while Chester dropped kisses down his neck. 

Chester stopped for a minute. His mouth was open as he breathed. “I’ll take ‘em off in a minute,” he said, before he scooted backwards again. He sent both his hands down Mike’s stomach, and then to his hips. “Come forward,” he said, pulling, and it was satisfying as Mike followed right along. With his lover on his back, his legs spread, it was easier to get to everything. Chester pecked his kisses down Mike’s chest, and then to his belly button before adding one right to the head of Mike’s cock. 

An incoherent mumble was all Mike could muster when Chester’s lips touched him so intimately. It wasn’t new, not by any stretch, but every time still felt thrilling. He felt for the top of Chester’s head, digging his fingers into the curls and scratching lightly at Chester’s scalp. He held his breath and waited, wondering if Chester was going to tease him for a while or if he’d be feeling the warm inside of his mouth soon. A few different scenarios crossed his mind in a flash, all of which would be fantastic. 

Chester’s mind was already thinking forward as he took Mike’s cock into his mouth. He wanted to make his boyfriend feel good, and he knew exactly how to do that. He could suck and lick in just the right way. He knew where to put pressure, and he was good about adding a sort of rhythm to it. 

He was already working up a collection of saliva on Mike’s cock. He wrapped his lips around his head, sucking, and then dropping his length into his mouth as far as he could go before starting the process over. Chester was a few minutes into his work, the taste of Mike’s pre-cum already in his mouth when he pulled away. He kissed down Mike’s penis, and then all over his scrotum. “Hey,” he called, looking up a little out of breath. “How about you get on your knees?” 

It took Mike a minute to register the request. He’d been lost in the sensation of Chester’s blow job, whimpering a little when everything changed to kisses instead of the licking and sucking he enjoyed so much. But he heard the desire in Chester’s voice, and he forced his eyes open, the good kind of tension that had been building in this body lessening a little as the contact stopped momentarily. “Okaaayyy,” he whined, then the thought hit him that he was getting on his knees, and a whole new rush of arousal hit him. Chester was taking charge tonight, and Mike was more than okay with that. It had been a while since he’d been on bottom, and he was looking forward to the change of pace. 

Chester sat back on his knees to watch Mike squirm around on the bed. He had to laugh. He loved his boyfriend more than anything, and it didn’t matter how odd or awkward or ungraceful Mike’s movements were, he was still the sexiest thing on the planet to Chester. 

The moment Mike was up on his hands and knees, his ass near Chester’s face, Chester took the opportunity to smack his boyfriend’s butt cheek playfully. “Ready, Sexy Boy? I need to kiss all over you back here, too.” Chester still had his pajama bottoms on, and he decided he quickly needed to ditch them. With the skill of a race car driver he had everything off and was back behind Mike, his hands on his lover’s hips as he started to kiss. He started around the middle of Mike’s back, and slowly worked his way down. 

Mike bit down his bottom lip, but the moan escaped anyway. Kisses to his back - and lower - weren’t something he got a whole lot of, and his thighs were already quivering. He felt Chester’s soft lips at the small of his back, his boyfriend’s hands caressing up the back of his legs, and Mike let his hands stretch out in front of him, over his head. His ass lifted a bit higher as his back arched like a cat. A lazy, happy cat with its face smashed into the mattress. 

Chester smiled at the change in Mike’s position. It was the universal sign that what he was doing was making his boyfriend feel good. Chester shut his eyes as he kept going. He moved down, onto Mike’s ass cheeks. He spoiled each one in turn with both kisses and soft licks. Mike’s skin was clean, and before Chester could overthink it, his tongue was prodding between the cheeks he’d just lavished with affection. His hold on Mike’s hip tightened as he tentatively poked around. He wanted to give his boyfriend the chance to object if he wasn’t feeling this particular activity tonight.

Mike’s lip popped free from his teeth at the first careful touch, and his lips parted in a gasp the second time he felt Chester’s tongue gently skim across his exposed opening. He remembered very clearly the last time Chester did this, and a different sort of neediness shot through him. Until the first time Chester rimmed him, Mike never thought he’d be into that, but it was clear after just moments it was a very sensitive place on his body. It took a lot of trust for Mike to be able to enjoy such an intimate act, and it almost surprised him that he was so willing to experience it. _Because it’s Chester. I’ll let him do anything he wants to do._ He couldn’t say anything, but he couldn’t really move either, so all he could do to offer his approval was whimper. It came out low and breathy and encouraging. 

The moment Chester heard Mike, he knew that was the greenlight. He took a moment, wetting his lips and getting his tongue ready. He slid one hand around to Mike’s ass, and pulled on one cheek, making more space to work with. He nuzzled his nose in first, then his lips, and then his tongue went past a simple lick. He pressed it inside Mike’s opening. He made sure to be careful and go slow. There was no need to rush. He pushed his tongue in and out, going a little deeper each time, and his cock was quickly becoming jealous. 

The thought to touch himself while he worked hit, but instead Chester decided to give Mike a little more. He ran his free hand up and down Mike’s thigh while he stuck his tongue in deeper, lapping it on the inside. A little further in, and lip ring scraped against Mike’s sensitive skin. He heard his lover whimper again. He dragged his hand up the inside of Mike’s leg, feathering his fingers under and through Mike’s legs to touch his dripping cock. It wasn’t the best angle, but he wanted to give Mike a few strokes to go along with each dip of his tongue. 

“Fuuucckkk, Chessss,” Mike half hissed, half moaned. If he’d had the ability to put anything together in his head he would have realized he was drooling into the blanket. But all the rational thought processes were gone. Between the feel of Chester’s tongue and his hand, Mike was completely lost in the sensation. It was automatic when his hand covered Chester’s on his cock, moving in time with his lover’s strokes. Every probe of his tongue made Mike’s body want more. Just a little more, and each time Chester pressed a bit further, Mike wished for just a little more again. He knew there was a limit to how much Chester could do with his tongue. There were plenty of nerve endings he was hitting at the moment, and Mike was in no hurry to bring it to an end, despite knowing how much better he would feel once Chester was inside of him. At least, he was hoping that’s where they would end up. His body was far too needy to switch things up now.

The feel of Mike’s hand covering his as they both pumped Mike’s cock was a new one. Chester pulled his tongue back, his breathing heavy. His dick was hard, and he was right on the edge of being ready to move things along. “Fuuuck me, Sexy Boy,” he said between pants before he dove back in. He let Mike take full control of their hands, his focus on his lover’s ass. He licked around Mike’s opening all over again, and then just barely inside, pulling on the rim of Mike’s sensitive area. Chester let out a moan of his own. His hand was wet, his tongue was busy pushing deeper inside his boyfriend, and his entire lower half was zipping with tingles, arousal on overdrive. 

It was only another minute before Chester pulled back and popped a last kiss to Mike’s ass. “Are you ready?” 

“Fuck yes,” Mike moaned, “I’m so ready. I’m ready,” he begged, his hand replacing Chester’s on his cock as soon as his boyfriend pulled away. He didn’t even move. He could feel Chester’s wet tip against his thigh, which was the wrong location. It was tempting to try to shift, to line things up himself, but he knew Chester had it under control. He could hear the heavy breathing behind him and he was anxious to feel his lover against his back. It had been too long. “Come on,” he panted, his own breaths labored as he stroked his cock and waited. 

Despite all the tongue prodding, Chester still had to get the lube. Spit just wasn’t enough. “Working on it,” he assured his boyfriend as he focused on the next task. He twisted away from Mike to get to the nightstand. He grabbed the lube and slicked his cock, all while getting back into position. It felt good to finally give his own body a little attention, and he allowed a few more strokes than necessary before he lined himself up. Mike hadn’t moved, and Chester took full control. He wrapped his hand around the base of his cock, and eased it in, his other hand on Mike’s hip. He carefully slipped his tip in, the sensation hitting him like warm honey. He shut his eyes, his head going back as he held steady, waiting for Mike to give the signal to keep going. 

As good as Chester’s tongue had been, his cock was a million times better - once Mike’s body got over the initial shock. He wiggled his ass ever so slightly and took a deep breath, and the moment he nodded his head, he felt Chester move. It was a slow process, the pushing and the waiting, and Mike impatiently reminded himself that it was better that way, that rushing things sometimes hurt and that they had all night to get it right. Being in this position always brought Mike back to the very first time they made love. He could vividly remember how anxious but excited he’d been, and how gentle Chester was. Chester was always gentle at first. 

The thought brought a tiny smile to Mike’s lips. The moment Chester was all the way in, he sighed and concentrated on exactly how it felt to be connected to him this way. Then he gave Chester the green light to completely ravish him, if that was what he wanted. “I’m good, Ches, come onnnn.” Mike wanted to feel Chester’s fingers dig into his hips and his weight on his back. He was ready to be completely consumed. 

Chester was on pause. His cock was all the way in, and it felt good. Warm. Tight. His heart was already pumping when he heard Mike’s request. They’d been together for a long time, and the amount of sex with each other in their background was a number neither of them could count. It added up to knowing what certain expressions, words, and tones actually meant. Tonight, he knew Mike was ready to stay on his knees and really take everything Chester could give. 

It was almost a challenge. 

Chester grinned as he slid both hands up Mike’s back as far as he could reach, and then he slowly pulled them back down, his nails coming out to scrape Mike’s skin. “I love you,” Chester husked, kissing the top of Mike’s ass, and then it was on. 

He grabbed his lover’s hips. He pulled back, and pushed in, slowly at first to make sure Mike’s insides were well coated with lube. He made three passes, and then it was time to feel good. He shut his eyes, his hips working from muscle memory. He pushed in deep, pulled back a few inches and then pushed back in. Quick. Hard. He felt his balls swinging into Mike’s as he went, as he bucked and pumped his body. Everything was on its way to tense - tight - and glorious. He was already sweating, his breathing hard. His nails were in Mike’s hip on one side, the other hand had gone to Mike’s side, scratching him lightly amongst the heavy activity of pounding into his lover’s ass. It felt good, and Chester’s dick wanted to go deeper. He leaned his weight in, knowing it would spread Mike’s legs a little further apart to give him just a little more access. 

Mike knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. His knees slid a little on the blanket and he felt Chester’s body follow him down. The sensation pulled another loud moan from Mike as the penetration went deeper. They stayed that way for a few seconds, with Mike’s thighs burning from the exertion, and then he couldn’t help himself. He slid all the way down to the mattress, taking Chester with him, the angle of his thrusts changing again. Mike’s hands were in fists over his head, holding on to the blanket tightly while Chester lay over his back. “God, babe, more,” he begged. The movement created friction, his cock sandwiched between his stomach and the blanket, and he pushed his ass back into Chester’s thrusts as much as he could. He loved the way it felt like this, like Chester was completely covering him. He felt the brief brush of Chester’s lips against his skin and turned his head to the side a little more, though he knew he couldn’t reach him for a kiss. 

With Mike almost completely flat on the bed, it was easier for Chester to pound him into the mattress. His hands were gripped into the red and black flannel blanket. His teeth grit. His balls were tight, his orgasm right on the edge. He only had seconds. 

Chester shut his eyes. He knew it was coming the moment his mental reel of sexy Mike images started playing. He shoved one knee higher up on the bed, pushing Mike’s leg up, too, as they pressed together. It opened his boyfriend’s ass up just a little more, and Chester’s cock went deeper. “Fuck!” Chester swore, his hips going into high drive. He felt the spot inside of Mike’s bottom, the golden prostate that made everything feel twice as good in those moments his tip hit it over and over and over. The softer feel hugged Chester’s mushroom head as he came, as his release rushed from his body and right into Mike’s. He opened his mouth and moaned as it happened, having zero care over how loud he was. He knew Mike wasn’t far behind him, and he was ready to keep going until his boyfriend got his. 

The extra strength behind Chester’s pushes as he came were the last bit of pressure Mike needed. He was pinned down and he loved every second of that feeling while Chester hit his prostate dead on. Those were always the best orgasms, and this one was no different. He felt all of the tension that had built up in his balls give way to a slow release as Chester’s pace slowed slightly. It was hard to describe the difference in his orgasm this way. It always lasted longer, and he somehow felt it deeper than when he was the one on top. Every gush of cum was like a wave that grew in size as it came closer to the shore. He rocked his hips as he came, the tiny movements uncontrolled. They were both sweaty and panting, and Mike was still moaning as his pleasure subsided and he came back to the awareness that Chester was laid out on his back, and still inside him. Underneath was a warm and sticky mess, and Mike didn’t even want to think about that while they started to come down together. “Fuck, babe,” he offered, unclenching one fist from the sheet to shove his hair away from his sweaty face. “It’s hot now.”

Chester was pretty sure he was stuck to Mike’s back. “We need water,” he groaned. His eyes were shut, his body spent. The thought to pull himself up, off, and out of his boyfriend was a lot. It was going to take a minute to gather that much strength. Then there was the needed trip to the bathroom to pee and get clean, and then to the kitchen before coming back to the bedroom. The apartment suddenly felt huge. “I’m going to move, Sexy Boy, as much as that sucks.” He waited for Mike’s mumbled agreement before he slowly lifted himself, his arms shaking as he held his weight. He hissed when his cock hit the cooler air, leaving the absolute warmth of Mike’s body. 

He rolled away, onto his side of the bed, flat on his back. “Damn,” he breathed as he stared up at the ceiling. “I’m exhausted now.” 

“Me too.” Mike didn’t even bother to roll over. He reached over and found Chester’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “We can get up in a minute. I love you.” He paused for a second and then added, “damn. That was so good.” 

Chester turned his head with a smile. He pulled Mike’s hand to his lips and kissed it. “It’s always good with you.” He dropped their hands back to the bed with a heavy sigh. “I’m so glad tomorrow is Saturday. I’m even more glad I don’t have to work. We’re so sleeping in.” He knew he needed to get up before he passed out, and he took the initiative to sit up first. His body ached as he did. His back, his neck, his legs. He groaned like an old man as he swung his legs off the bed. “Tell me now, Sexy Boy. I’ll bring you back stuff if you want, or are you coming along?” He glanced over his shoulder. His boyfriend still hadn’t moved. His eyes were shut, his hair in his face. “Mike? You asleep?”

“I’m coming,” Mike mumbled without moving. “Right behind you, babe.” 

****

TBC


	5. Introductions

Ryan’s head was pounding. His stomach was sick. All he could think about was the amount of rum and tequila he’d consumed the night before. At the time he’d willingly taken the shots. The more the alcohol surged through his system, the better he felt. The voice in his head telling him he shouldn’t be drinking so much got quieter with each round of alcohol. The ache in his heart - the part that missed Chester, the part that yearned for Jason, the part that wanted more than sex with people who didn’t care - didn’t hurt as much when Ryan drowned it out to numb with a stiff drink. Or five stiff drinks. 

But it was morning now, which meant there was another day to face. Another twenty-four hours to drift through. Another chance to make all the wrong choices. A heavy sigh followed Ryan’s thoughts and he dared to open his eyes. The familiar sight of the pea-green blinds that covered Rob’s bedroom window made his insides feel a little bit worse. Too many mornings he was waking up to those blinds. Too many times he’d woken up hungover and in Rob’s bed. Rob’s empty bed. The former pool boy was always up first. Sometimes he was still in the apartment when Ryan would finally come to life, but most often he wasn’t. Usually he was already dressed and off to work, and Ryan could never understand how he managed it. 

_He drinks as much as I do, but it’s like he’s immune to it or something._ Ryan rolled from his side to his back, and his body screamed at him. He groaned out loud, his hand going over his eyes. Rob not only had the ability to get up and go to work bright and early each day after drinking all night, but he had no lack of stamina in bed either. No matter how many drinks he tossed back, he could still pound into Ryan like Superman. It was a puzzle Ryan couldn’t figure out. _It must be because he’s younger than me. But not that much younger._

Ryan sniffed away his next thought. Everything with Rob was hard and fast. Meaningless. In some ways it felt good. The simple act of sex felt good. But in all the other ways, it felt awful. _So why do I keep doing it? I know it doesn’t mean anything to him. If he never saw me again, he wouldn’t care._ “Fuck,” he groaned outloud. 

“I don’t have time to fuck again.” 

Ryan’s eyes popped open at the sound of the female voice. He lifted his head from the pillow, but only long enough to see the familiar woman sitting on Rob’s couch. Samantha O. That’s what she liked to be called, even though he and Rob referred to her as simply Sam. 

Ryan’s head dropped back to the pillow. He didn’t want to look at her. He didn’t want to linger over her long, curly black hair that was always everywhere, or her large breasts that seemed to live more outside of her halter tops than in. Ryan couldn’t place when Sam had become part of the routine at Rob’s, and he didn’t want to. “I wasn’t offering,” he mumbled back. 

“Well aren’t you being pissy this morning,” he heard her say. He didn’t have to look to know she was up from the couch and walking around the apartment. Her heels clicked on the tile floor. It was like having a dagger stabbed into his brain. 

“Not pissy, just hungover,” Ryan answered. He was hoping she would be gone soon. He didn’t really want to get up while she was there. If he did, she would want to talk, and that was too much. _Jay would cringe if he knew I was doing things with a woman. God, I’m doing things with a woman. I don’t even really enjoy it. Rob always brings her in...usually after I’m half in the bottle. Why? Fuck. Does it matter? Probably not._

A second later Ryan heard a long snort. His head shot up from the pillow just in time to see Sam sniffing a white line of powder from the counter top. She rubbed her nose immediately after, her eyes rolled back in her head. Ryan tensed as he watched, as he stayed still on the bed. He waited until she seemed to have herself under control again before he said, “You know if Rob catches you doing that, he won’t like it.” 

“Yeah, right,” she scoffed as she straightened up and shoved both hands through her hair. “I just needed a pick-me-up this morning. I’ve got more if you want some.” 

It wasn’t the first time Sam had offered him a little speed first thing in the morning, and just like every other time, Ryan said, “No thanks.” He forced himself to sit up, the blanket falling from his naked chest. His head was pounding. 

“Okay, but it’s your loss. You’d feel better if you indulge a little.” 

“I indulge enough,” he grumbled back bitterly as he finally gave her a once over. Her mini skirt was riding up her ass and somehow she’d managed to put his black leather jacket on. It was huge, hanging off of her like a tarp. “Don’t walk out with my jacket,” he told her, and he didn’t care about the look she gave him as she shrugged it off and tossed it to the bed. 

“Fine. I’m out of here.” She picked up her handbag and slung it over her shoulder. “You know what your problem is, Ryan? You think you’re better than me. Than Rob. Well, I hate to break it to you, honey, but you’re fucking not.” She slipped on a pair of oversized sunglasses and was out the door before Ryan could think of anything to say.

He leaned forward, his head going into his hands as he sat in silence. _It’s not that I’m better, it’s that I want more than this._ He slowly looked up at the apartment he hated. Rob didn’t have bad taste in furniture or wall paint, it just wasn’t home. It wasn’t Ryan’s home. No matter how many times he woke up in the other man’s bed, sat on his couch, ate his food or drank his alcohol, Ryan always felt like a stranger. _I was more at home at the YRS mansion with Chaz and Jason there. Jay…_

His ex’s name bounced around in his mind. It had been months since he last saw Jason Wakefield or even talked to him. _I wonder how he’s doing. Better than me, I’m sure. He’s probably got a boyfriend. He’s probably happy on that houseboat. He probably doesn’t even think about me._

He wasn’t sure why, but he reached for his leather jacket and dug his phone from the pocket. He pulled up Jason’s name in his text threads. Their very last exchange had been on the way up to Seattle. _Driving with Mike. Fucking Mike._ Ryan’s shoulders dropped. He knew Chester was happy with the same Mike who had cheated, the same Mike who had been the source of his separation from Jason.

His mind slowly shifted gears from loathing Mike and missing Jason to Chester. _Chaz would be so disappointed if he knew half of what I was doing. They saved us. That’s what he told me that day at the loft. Mike and Jay saved us from the reckless lifestyle we were both living. Now look at me. I’m right back in it. But no one’s coming to save me this time._

Ryan shut his eyes, his hands clenched around his phone just before it dinged with a text message. He looked, and his heart lifted at the sight of Chester’s name. He opened the message quicker than he had in weeks. 

**Chazzy:** _Hey, where you at? Did you forget we’re working?_

“Work?” Ryan whispered before his attention shot to the time. “Fuck!” he shouted as he tossed the blankets off. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” The need to rush, to get to Chester and make it to work, to do a good job and be presentable was there, but then it vanished, like a flame that was blown out. 

Ryan’s frantic actions came to a complete stop as he sat on the edge of the bed, his naked body slumped. Wanting and doing were two very different things, and he knew he’d already messed up. He looked at his phone again, thinking to tell Chester he would be on his way, but stopped. For the first time he realized Talinda had already texted him twice. He had a missed call from Chester before the text message had come across. It all equalled an explanation they would both want, and Ryan didn’t even want to think about giving it.

He looked across the apartment. His eyes landed on the half empty bottle of dark spiced rum. It was a stronger reason to get up than he’d had ninety seconds ago. 

****

Chester paced back and forth in front of the dessert table. His phone was in one hand, a glass of champagne in the other. He wasn’t really drinking it. He’d had all of two sips, and the rest was forgotten as he checked his phone in between smiling and making polite conversation with the other Score employees and the guests that had come to visit. Four representatives from Nightingale Fashion were mingling around the room, and Chester was trying his best, even though he knew they weren’t there for him. Nightingale was a woman’s line, and they were visiting Score to discuss upcoming winter fashions. Score had an entire female apparel side and Nightingale had interest in doing some work together. It was all outside of Chester’s realm, but Forrest required him to be there just the same. Him _and_ Ryan. 

But Ryan was still a no-show, and there was only so much time Chester and Talinda could stall for him. Chester checked his phone again. _He’s been doing so good these last few weeks. He’s even looked a little better. Kind of._ Chester’s hopeful thoughts dimmed. He loved his friend. He always had and he always would. No matter the situation, that wouldn’t change, but Chester knew things weren’t right with Ryan. _His eyes used to be so bright and full of life and now they’re dull. Like they’re clouded with...regret. Pain. I don’t know. Whatever he’s doing to look that way._

It was a change he knew Forrest hadn’t missed. His boss had already gently brought the topic up once before, and Chester knew it probably wouldn’t be the last time. _And Ry won’t talk to me about any of it. I just don’t understand._ It wasn’t a new thought, and Chester tried to keep the happy smile on his face as he looked out over the open room of people milling around. There were two white tufted couches in the center, along with matching side chairs. Everything else was standing room, both by the windows and along the far wall where portraits of the current Score models were - including one of Chester and Ryan. A small spotlight rested right below each image, and Chester had to look away from it. The picture that had been chosen was the one from months back, when Chester had been fitted in all the leopard print attire. He didn’t have an issue with the outfit, but that was the day Talinda had tried to strap the choker around his neck. It always brought back memories of the horrible place he was in around that time. 

Chester took a drink, and turned away, choosing to ignore the massive portraits to look out the wall of windows instead. It was late afternoon, and as soon as all the socializing was over, after he’d shaken every hand, it would be time to go home. _I’m so in the mood for meatloaf tonight. With extra ketchup on top. And mashed potatoes and corn!_

Thoughts of dinner and snuggling up with Mike on the couch to watch a little television before bed was the best thing ever, just before Talinda grabbed his elbow.

“Have you heard from him?” she hissed in his ear. 

“No. Not yet.” Chester checked his phone. Still nothing. 

“He’s been on such a good streak these last few weeks,” she sighed with a huff as Chester nodded in agreement. “He didn’t come home last night and I just knew that meant trouble for today. We’ve got to get rid of this Rob guy.”

Chester opened his mouth, ready to agree, but then decided against it. “He’s an adult,” he offered instead. “If this is what he’s choosing, then…”

Talinda spun around, her nice face dropping away as she stared at her model. “That doesn’t sound like you at all. Are you giving up on him?” 

“No. No, of course not,” Chester quickly denied. “You know I love him.” Chester’s hand was over his heart, which was beating twice as fast now. “But he won’t even talk to me. Not about anything that’s important. We used to tell each other everything and now it’s like this cordial nonsense that I hate. I don’t know what to do!” 

They gasped in unison. Chester’s voice had just gotten a lot louder than it should have been. “Chester,” Talinda hissed again. “Keep yourself together.” She glanced around. They’d gotten a few looks, but it passed quickly, and she was thankful. “Okay. I’m going to head back out,” she said when she saw Forrest eyeing her. She straightened the lapels of her black pants suit jacket, fidgeted with the fancy arranged bun in her hair, and touched both her diamond earrings before she said, “I’ll see if I can get Forrest to introduce you last. You’re lucky Nightingale doesn’t have a young men’s line.” 

“I know,” Chester whispered as Talinda headed away from him. He could never thank her enough these days. Together they’d become _Team Ryan_ , and Chester would be forever grateful to her for that support. 

He checked his phone again, before he had to stop and talk to someone else. He enjoyed the social aspect of Score, and normally he was all up for smiling and shaking hands, it was just more fun when Ryan was standing next to him. One person turned to three and then five, and then finally Chester saw Forrest heading his way. He quickly looked for Talinda, but she was off on her own, deep in a conversation with a few people by the double couches. 

Chester quickly pocketed his phone. He looked down over his outfit reflexively. He was in the green version of the fall line - the tastefully tight jeans with the single rip across the thigh, the white shirt, this one with a heavy green outline that matched the bold green stitching on his jeans. A pair of velvet lined, alligator green Converse sneakers finished off the simple outfit that Talinda had dressed him in earlier. She’d raved over how he looked great in it, that his chocolate colored curls and dark brown eyes went with the green like a dream. _Like a dream. That’s what she said. I hope I’m dreamy enough to distract Forrest away from the fact that Ry’s not here._ He plastered on a smile to greet his boss. 

Forrest had a half empty champagne flute in his hand, which he quickly handed off to one of the wait staff when he got closer to Chester. “I see Ryan still isn’t here,” he mentioned before he motioned for the woman with the drink tray. “Chester, why don’t you leave that here and take a walk with me instead.” 

Chester looked down at his champagne. He hadn’t really touched it anyway. “Of course,” he agreed easily. He gave it to the woman with a short smile and whispered _thank you_ before his attention was back on his boss. Before he’d even taken a step, Forrest had his arm around Chester’s shoulders, moving them along the room. It wasn’t the first time Forrest had made such a gesture, but Chester still wasn’t completely comfortable with it. It was just a little too much like something Mark used to do. An arm around his shoulders, his waist, on his butt, all while he would pretend to talk about something important, and would always end with the same question of, “don’t you want to make me happy, Chaz?” 

Despite Forrest Mullan’s always professional approach to him, it still made Chester’s stomach feel funny. “I’m sorry Ryan’s late,” Chester offered. 

“There’s nothing for _you_ to be sorry for, Chester. It’s become obvious that Ryan is dealing with some personal issues. Between you and I, I’m really hoping he gets things straightened out. But never mind that. Right now you and I are on to better things.” 

Chester dared to glance over at his boss. Forrest’s thick brown mustache that matched his hair was perfectly combed. His dark gray dress pants fit him well, and the lighter shirt on top with the silver stitching gave just the slightest hint that you were looking at someone successful, though nothing about Forrest screamed that fact. It was a classy look for a classy guy, and Chester appreciated that. “We are?” Chester finally managed to ask as they neared the wall of windows, which looked out over the L.A. skyline. “Where are we going?” 

Forrest stopped. He turned slightly, keeping his arm around Chester’s shoulders as he placed his other hand on his model’s chest. “Chester,” he said, his voice low. Secret. Intimate. “I’m going to introduce you to someone very important.” 

Chester’s insides were zipping. For the first time since he’d gone to work at Score Clothing, he felt trapped. His logical mind told him that Forrest meant nothing by the current half embrace they were in, but history told Chester that something was wrong. That any minute Forrest would drop his hand to Chester’s crotch, or to his ass. That his lips would come close to Chester’s ear and whisper some sexual desire. 

It took every bit of willpower and concentration for Chester to not pull away. “Who?” he asked, and he heard the shake in his voice. 

Forrest nodded across the room. “Do you see the taller redheaded woman in the purple pants and gray top? That’s Julia Vox. She’s on the board of the Los Angeles Animal Services. The humane society, Chester...and she’s here to see you.” He poked Chester on his chest before he guided him forward. 

“Me?” he asked, all thoughts of YRS and Mark and the fear of history repeating itself were gone in a flash. “The humane society? But I don’t even have a dog.” 

“Nooo, Chester,” Forrest hummed as they got closer. “She’s here to make you an offer. She’s been asking about you, and I invited her here today to finally meet you. I want you to know, Chester, if you take this opportunity - and that’s what this is, an opportunity - I fully support you.” He clapped Chester on the shoulder before he removed his arm. “Ms. Vox,” he said next, extending his hand to shake as they met the tall redheaded woman. “I’m so glad you could join us today.”

“Thank you, Mr. Mullan,” she said, her voice confident and a little awestruck all at the same time. “This is truly a beautiful space.” She motioned around with her champagne flute. 

“Thank you, we like it quite a bit. Ms. Vox, I’d like you to meet Chester Bennington. Chester, this is Julia Vox, head of the board for Los Angeles Animal Services.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am,” Chester said politely, and he reached to shake the hand she extended. 

“I’m glad to finally see you in person. My goodness, those flames are real,” she stated like she couldn’t believe it. She kept Chester’s hand in her own as she gently twisted his arm, looking at the blue and red tattoo. 

“They are. I have them on both,” he offered, holding up his other arm. 

Julia Vox let him go and stepped back as she looked him up and down. “Chester, please, don’t take offense to this, but you are just as stunning in person as you are in print. These eyes of yours,” she said, until she saw the boyish smile cross Chester’s face. “You’re perfect,” she decided right then. 

“Perfect, Ms. Vox?” Chester asked. He knew his cheeks were a little warm as she continued to look him over. Besides Talinda, he wasn’t used to having women check him out - professionally or personally. He tugged at the hem of his shirt. 

“He’s precious,” she stated, her attention on Forrest Mullan, who was standing back out of the way. “He’s exactly what we’re looking for.”

Forrest nodded. “Then I’ll leave you two to talk about it. Chester, I’ll catch up with you later.” He quickly patted his model on the shoulder, and then he was off, mingling right back in with the crowd at large.

Chester watched him go before he looked back at Ms. Vox. “I’m sorry, Forrest didn’t really tell me anything. I’m not sure what’s going on.” He motioned between the two of them. 

“Chester, I asked Mr. Mullan if I could meet with you to discuss a future project with the Los Angeles Humane Society chapter.” 

“Oh,” Chester said, shaking his head. “Well, I’m sorry, but like I told Forrest, I don’t even own a dog. My b-boyfriend and I, our apartment is really small and we don’t have room for a dog right now.” He wasn’t sure what he was saying. The idea that Julia Vox wanted him to adopt a puppy or stray dog from the street was the first thing that popped into his mind. _Forrest loves animals. No wonder he thought this was an opportunity. Of course he’s supportive. Mike won’t let me bring home a dog._

“No, Chester, I think you’re misunderstanding. It’s okay that you don’t have a dog,” she told him with a soft smile. “You are perfect, however, to help us get other people to adopt. Or to donate to the shelters. I’d like to talk to you about doing a series of ads for us. Maybe even a commercial, if you’re open to something like that.” 

“A commercial?” Chester repeated. He could feel his eyes widening, like they might pop out of his head. “Me?” 

“You can help us reach an audience that’s been rather untapped over the years when it comes to donations. The Christmas holidays are coming up, and it’s approaching the time for our annual fundraiser. We need new faces - fresh new faces - to try and reach the younger people of our great city so they can get involved. We need them, Chester. The animals need them, and not just their money, but their awareness, and their compassion. We need volunteers and advocates. Chester. You can help us find the younger generation of animal lovers.”

It was a lot to take in, and Chester wasn’t sure what to say. The idea of modeling for something other than clothes or porn was a little beyond him. Even the cologne ad they’d done for Phenonomenom was all about sensuality, a little sex thrown in to sell the product. _But this is different. This is for a cause. This is for animals. Homeless animals. Fuck, I know what that feels like...not having a home. Not being wanted._

That thought led him to the next, and Ryan popped into his mind. Chester quickly scanned the room, spotting both Forrest and Talinda, but no Ryan. His heart sank as his attention went back to Ms. Vox. “I think…” but before he could get the sentence out of his mouth, he saw Talinda sprint across the room. He turned just in time to see her taking Ryan by the arm of his leather jacket, leading him out of the room, probably to get him dressed before he started his rounds of polite chit-chat and smiling. Chester glanced down at himself. He knew Ryan was going to be fitted in the matching outfit to his, only in blue. 

“Chester?” Ms. Vox called, apprehension in her voice. Chester certainly looked the part, but he seemed distant. Distracted. And she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “Is everything okay?” 

Chester let out a long sigh as he gave his full attention back to the opportunity in front of him. The opportunity he could fully embrace as worry over Ryan drifted away. _He’s here. He’s in the building. He’s okay._ “I’m sorry, Ms. Vox,” he said first, knowing he owed it to her by the look on her face. “I was worried about a co-worker of mine, but he’s here now,” he said, nodding in the direction Ryan and Talinda had gone. “So I’m all yours. I think it will be fun to do the ads, and the commercial. I’ve never done one before,” he told her, and even he could hear the sudden excitement in his voice, knowing it was showing on his face. “I’m all in. Tell me what you’re thinking.” 

****

Mike sat back in the library chair and sighed. His hand hurt from all of the outlining, but he preferred writing his notes over typing them. Something about physically writing made the information stick in his head better. When he typed while he was studying, it was almost on autopilot. He ended up having to go back and read the notes over again to get the information in his head. When he wrote the information down, he rarely had to go back and look at it twice.

“I’m going to go get some coffee, you want some?” 

Mike looked over at Matt. It was disconcerting how often he ended up in the library studying at the same time as Mike, but not completely unexpected. The campus life of most music majors was structured the same way, with back to back classes in the mornings and little study time in the afternoon after ensembles and lessons. Most of his classmates - if they were serious about their studies - ended up in the library at the same time. 

“Sure, just black for me.” Mike shook out his writing hand and looked down at his notebook before he glanced at his watch. “I’ve probably got another good hour or so with this. There’s just so many dates to memorize.” He didn’t look back at Matt, who was already standing to go to the cart in the middle of the library’s study space.

“I know how you take it,” Matt said over his shoulder. It wasn’t the first time they’d had coffee and studied together, and the T.A. had been sure to notice how Mike drank his. He knew it would come in handy, and nothing was more flattering than someone noticing the small things about you. Even though they were both working, Matt saw an opportunity. The coffee would come first, then the suggestion of using his own outlines from his undergrad work. He’d tell Mike he had a whole notebook at his place that he was welcome to borrow, and mention that they could pick it up on the way home. It was a way to get Mike into his apartment, and maybe Matt could offer him something more than coffee. 

Mike watched his theory teacher cross the library and picked up his phone to look at the time. It was as though Chester knew he’d be checking his phone at that moment. A warmth crossed his heart when the text message came through.

 **Chester:** Instead of eating at home tonight, I want to go out. Meet me at Killan’s.

Just the mention of their favorite steak house had Mike’s stomach rumbling. They didn’t go out often anymore, not with Mike’s money being so tight. They both tried hard not to spend on things they could do themselves, and eating was an easy place to save since Chester was so good in the kitchen. _Something big must have happened today if he’s wanting to go out. He’s wanting to celebrate and not have to cook. I wonder what happened?_

 **Mike:** _When do you want me to be ready? I’m at the library and I’d rather meet you at the apartment so I can drop off my stuff. I’ve got a lot of books with me._

 **Chester:** _I’m leaving now, so probably a half hour. I’ll see you at home, and we’ll go together :)_

Matt was back before Mike could respond again, setting the cup down in front of Mike and leaning close over his shoulder. He saw the open screen of texts with Chester’s name at the top and had to hold back a huff. “Here you go,” he stated unnecessarily as he took his seat. He’d gotten a latte, and it was cool enough to sip already. He tried it and then pointed at Mike’s phone. “That’s not studying,” he teased.

“It’s Chester,” Mike stated. It was as much explanation as he felt was needed. Any time Chester texted him, he was going to be available. “We’re going out tonight. I think something must have happened at work, something big. He wants to go to Killan’s.”

“Killan’s?” Matt repeated, raising his eyebrows. “That place is expensive.” He couldn’t keep the judgement from his tone. Killan’s was an upscale steakhouse. Not the sort of place college students made a habit of frequenting. “I’ll say, something big happened at work.” He took another sip of his latte and watched Mike text Chester back. He was dying to ask Mike why he didn’t live with Chester, but that wasn’t going to help endear him to the piano student. Mike Shinoda was private, and Matt didn’t want to push him the wrong way. It was obvious the tactic of offering Mike his undergraduate music history notebook was going to have to wait. 

Mike looked up and set his phone face down before he reached for his coffee. “Thanks.” He took the top off to let it cool a little. “It must be something good. We wouldn’t be celebrating if it was bad news. I love Killan’s. Whatever rub they use on their steak is amazing.” He could feel his mouth watering. “And their vanilla bean cheesecake with caramel sauce. Have you ever been there?” he asked, his mind focused solely on the food he couldn’t wait to eat.

“Once, a while ago,” Matt said. He saw the way Mike’s eyes glazed over at the mention of cheesecake and filed that information away for later. “Well, if you’re heading out soon, you better get busy. It looks like you’re only halfway through the Baroque Era, and god knows there’s a ton more to outline.”

“Right.” Mike picked up his pen, shifting his coffee to his left hand and sipping it occasionally while he read. He wasn’t giving a second thought to Matt. He only wanted to get his outline done before he needed to leave in thirty minutes.

Mike was so absorbed in what he was doing that he didn’t notice Matt watching him every few minutes. He had finished his work before he’d even gone to get the two of them coffee, and now he was trying to figure out if it would even be worth his time to walk back to the apartments with Mike. Matt studied the way Mike chewed on his bottom lip while he read, and looked at his page of notes where each word was written in carefully constructed capital letters. He remembered reading something once about how most serial killers wrote in all capital letters, and almost laughed out loud at the thought that he could be studying right now with someone who had such a dark secret and second life. Mike just didn’t seem the type.

Despite his anxious excitement to meet Chester, Mike got another chunk of his work completed before it was time to go. He finished his coffee and closed his notebook, putting away his fine tipped black pen in the small pocket inside his backpack. “Well, I’m heading out,” he stated out of courtesy. His heavy music history book and the notebook went into the backpack next, and then Mike was standing up, zipping it closed. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Matt had started to shuffle his papers when Mike started packing up. “I’m done for today, too. I’ll walk back with you,” he offered. “There’s only so much time I can spend in the library. I should probably cook something once in a while. What’s the point of having an apartment if I never use it, you know?”

Mike already had both backpack straps over his shoulders. “Oh, Ches cooks all the time. I can’t do anything in that kitchen. Or any kitchen.” Mike frowned a little as they made their way outside. Matt held the door for him and Mike passed through without a second thought. “But Ches, he’s amazing, even in that small space. I really don’t know how he does it.”

“Must be nice to have someone around cooking all the time.” Matt sent a sideways look in Mike’s direction while they walked.

“Well, not _all_ the time.” Mike tried to backtrack. He knew Chester wasn’t supposed to be staying over so much. “I mean, he likes to cook when he’s there.”

Matt reached over and pinched lightly at Mike’s elbow. “Oh, come on. It’s fine. Your secret is safe with me.” A short laugh followed his words. “It’s not really a secret. Everyone knows he stays with you. But if anyone asked me, I’d deny it.” They walked a little further in silence before Matt suggested, “You know, if Chester drove a car like a college student, it would stick out a little less. Maybe people would talk about you less.”

Mike tried to look unaffected. “Oh, it’s a topic of conversation? Well, I can tell you, Ches isn’t about to give up that car. He worked hard for it.” He was grateful to see the apartments as they rounded the corner of the architecture building, and even more excited to see the red sports car they’d just been talking about. He couldn’t tell from where they were, but he was hoping Chester was still in the car and they’d be able to leave.

Matt didn’t say anything else about the car, but his eyes narrowed as they got closer. The boyfriend was right there waiting, which meant he wouldn’t get a moment alone with Mike at the building. “Well, looks like you’re being waited on. I’ll see you, Mike. Have a great dinner.” He smiled in Mike’s direction before he changed course and walked over to the apartments alone.

“See ya,” Mike called, but he didn’t even look in Matt’s direction. He could feel his heart thumping with excitement as he got close to the car, and he waved, ducking his head down to look into the window. 

As soon as Mike was close enough, Chester was out of the car. He’d been so excited after his conversation with Julia Vox, he hadn’t even changed out of his on-duty Score attire. He practically ran to Mike, pulling him into a hug as he twirled them both around. “Sexy Boy!” He placed the biggest, wettest kiss on his boyfriend’s face. “It’s been a great day!” 

Mike was laughing before Chester even told him he’d had a great day. It was obvious from the way his boyfriend had popped out of the car and grabbed him. “Oh yeah? What was so great about it?” Mike pressed a kiss to Chester’s cheek in return and squeezed his arms around him. “It must be something amazing for us to go to Killan’s.” 

Chester was beaming. He leaned back so he could see his boyfriend’s face. “It IS amazing! Come on,” he instructed as he dropped out of the hug to take Mike’s hand instead. “Let’s go eat and I’ll tell you all about it. I want a steak and a massive baked potato with cheese and bacon and sour cream.” His stomach was already rumbling, both from hunger and excitement. Lunch at Score had been tofu salad. 

“Oh my god that sounds amazing. I want bacon around my steak, too. I love it when it gets that crispy edge on it.” Mike allowed himself to be pulled around to the passenger side and tossed his bag in the small space behind the seat. Chester was back around the car and sliding in before he could say anything else, and they were already leaving the parking lot before he got his seatbelt on. “Slow down a little,” he giggled, clicking things into place. “We’ve got all night, no need to drive so fast.” 

From the upstairs landing, Matt watched the whole scene in the parking lot. He heard Mike’s laugh, saw the kisses and the twirling, and heard Chester’s exclamation of “Sexy Boy.” Matt rolled his eyes. _Sexy Boy. What a ridiculous nickname._ He watched until Mike got into the car, and then watched Chester practically skip around the back of the car. _I bet Mr. Artistic loves those tattoos. I can almost see what Mike sees in him. He’s just not my type. Sexy Boy is definitely more my type._ Matt turned away, looking down the hall toward Mike’s apartment as he walked by. _Sexy Boy. As stupid is that is, seems like I’ve heard it somewhere before. Probably through these paper thin walls around here._ With a scowl, Matt dug out the keys to his door. _That’s fine, Sexy Mike. You go have your dinner tonight. I’ll find out all about it tomorrow._

By the time Chester and Mike were seated at Killan’s, and had been handed menus and glasses of ice water, Chester was ready to burst. He barely looked at the menu, knowing already what he wanted. The pricey steakhouse was a treat - one they’d only been to twice - but tonight the price of their meals didn’t matter. “I want ketchup,” Chester decided as he left his menu on the table as he looked at Mike. “And as soon as you decide what you want, I want to tell you all about work.” 

Mike looked up briefly. “I heard they got rid of all the ketchup bottles here.” He put his focus back on his menu, hiding his smile and waiting to see if Chester took the bait. 

Chester’s mouth dropped open. “What?” He looked around quickly, scanning the tables nearby. He spotted two ketchup bottles. “You’re so wrong,” he said, playfully glaring back at Mike. “So, so wrong.” His hand pressed to his white and green Score shirt. “Here I am all happy, and you just tried to give me a heart attack. You’re mean, Mike Shinoda.” He raised his eyebrows and shook his head, making it clear he wasn’t actually upset, despite his short-lived panic. 

“I couldn’t help it,” Mike teased, setting his menu down and reaching for Chester’s hand across the table. “You would think after all this time, you’d know that I will absolutely always make sure you get your ketchup. You don’t even need to say it.” He squeezed Chester’s fingers. “Now, I’m dying to know what brought all of this on. I know exactly what I want, but I’m not going to wait until after we order to find out what has been so amazing about your day. I can’t believe you’ve held it in this long, actually.”

Chester squeezed his hand back. “Amazing isn’t even the right word for it.” Chester took a deep breath. “We had visitors at Score today. Most of them were from Nightingale Fashion, which has nothing to do with me, they only do women’s clothes.” He stopped for a second, sucking his piercing in. “But there was also a lady there named Julia Vox. She was there just to meet me. She’s part of the humane society. She’s on the board of directors.” 

“Okay,” Mike said cautiously. He had no idea where this was all going. Then a thought hit him and he perked up a little in his seat. “The humane society? Are you going to do pictures with puppies or something? That would be so cute!”

Chester nodded. “I am,” he said with the biggest grin. “Puppies and kittens. Julia said that right around Christmas is when they do most of their fundraising. She wants me to be in the ads. She says I can help reach people our age, the younger generation, and get them involved with the shelters and donating and all that stuff.” He was so excited he bounced in his seat. “She even said she wants me to be in the next commercial they do. A commercial,” Chester repeated. “Me. She wants me to be part of it.” 

“On t.v.?!” Mike exclaimed, his voice coming out far louder than he’d intended. He felt his cheeks color as some other couples seated near them in the restaurant looked their way. He ignored them and leaned forward, lowering his voice a little. “Wow, babe, that’s so cool! You’re going to get to be on t.v.!” 

“I know!” Chester shouted back, not giving any care to the people around them. “I still can’t believe it. And Forrest is so supportive. He loves animals, so it’s not surprising, but he’s going to go with me next week and Talinda, too. They’re going to help me work through the paperwork and the contract. It’s just, this is something bigger than the clothes. It’s for a cause, you know?” He could feel the flush on his cheeks, not from being stared at, but from the thrill of sharing all this with Mike. He squeezed his boyfriend’s hand one last time before he pulled back and took a long drink of water. 

“And such a good one,” Mike agreed. He loved animals, even if it had been a long time since he’d had them around. The thought of his mother’s poodles came to his mind, and he hurried to push that thought away before thinking about his parents soured the mood. “Ches, this is so exciting. Man, I wish I could go, too. I want to play with the puppies! There will be puppies? Right? There has to be for that kind of commercial.” 

“Mhm, there will be puppies. It’s going to be a mix. One ad with puppies, one with kittens, and then one with older dogs. And that’s just the ads,” Chester clarified. “I’m not sure what the commercial will look like yet. It’s going to be so much fun. If you can take the time, you can come down to the studio when they shoot the ads. Forrest and Talinda will be there. It’s not just an opportunity for me,” he explained, “it’s one for Score, too. Their name will get linked to all this and we’ll probably get a real good boost from it. Lots of press.” 

For the first time in all the excitement, Mike heard the absence of a name that always went along with Chester’s stories about Score. Forrest was there, and Talinda, too, but not Ryan. He looked at Chester and tried to figure out if he should ask about his co-worker. Usually Ryan’s name was the first to come out of Chester’s mouth when he talked about work. _I know things aren’t great with Ryan. And Ches kept saying “me.” What about Ryan?_ Mike picked up his water glass and looked around the dining room, hoping to spot their waiter. No such luck.

He took a sip of his water and braced himself, hoping his question wasn’t about to ruin the celebration. “What about Ryan?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. “You keep saying _me_ and I’m so used to you saying _us._ It’s just going to be you from Score?” 

The excitement on Chester’s face dimmed a little. He shook his head. “They just want me. Forrest says it’s because I look younger, and that’s the audience they’re trying to reach. Ry…” He looked out over the restaurant. “He was late again today. He was supposed to be there with me, you know, to smile and shake hands with everyone the way we do.” His eyes hit the table, at the nicely rolled cloth napkin that was concealing their silverware. “By the time he showed up and Talinda got him dressed, I was done talking with Julia. I didn’t tell him,” he admitted as he looked up. “Mike, he’s really not doing well. He looks terrible, and he didn’t even try to explain why. I didn’t want to make him feel bad.”

“I know you’re worried about him,” Mike offered. He pondered what Chester said while he played with the rim of his water glass, running his fingertip over it a few times. He definitely didn’t have the answer of what was wrong with Ryan, or how Chester could fix it. He was saved from giving any more thoughts immediately by their waiter, and he allowed Chester to order his steak and potato first before he added what he wanted. When the waiter stepped away, ready to get the beer Chester ordered and Mike’s wine, Mike reached across the table for Chester’s hand again. “I know it’s hard to watch, but I don’t think there’s anything you can do if he won’t talk to you about it.”

Chester nodded slowly. He knew Mike was right, and that was the part that stung the most. He and Ryan had always been able to talk about everything, but that had changed. “Even Forrest said something about it today. Me and Talinda can only make so many excuses for him. She blames it all on Rob. She even said we need to try and get rid of him.” He smiled at the thought. “She can get crazy.” 

“Well, getting in the middle of other people’s relationships is always a bad idea,” Mike said lightly, lacing his fingers through Chester’s. “Let Talinda do her thing, she’s the one living with him now.” He kept his eyes on Chester’s face, watching the shadow cross over it quickly. It was just a fact they had both learned - worry about your own relationship - and Mike didn’t have a problem bringing it up.

“I know,” Chester admitted, right as the waiter returned with their drinks. They both sat back, and Mike was first to thank him before he left their table. Chester picked up his beer and took a long, slow drink. It had been awhile since he’d last had one. “This is good,” he commented. “And I just want Ry to snap out of all this. I don’t even want to think about how worse everything will get if he gets fired.” 

“He won’t let it get that far,” Mike said firmly while he swirled his wine glass. “It’s just going to take some time.” He brought the glass to his nose and smelled it, completely satisfied at the way the merlot was opening up. “Now, enough about Ryan. This is about you, babe. Just think, I’ll be married to a t.v. star someday.” He threw Chester a grin and raised his glass in a toast. “Congratulations, Ches.” 

_Married._ The word brought the smile back to Chester’s face as he raised his beer. “Thank you,” he stated. “And I wouldn’t say _star_ , but for now we can go with that.” He had to laugh at himself, even though he knew there were a thousand doors that could open up for him because of this. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but the excitement was there. “And don’t worry, I already told Julia we don’t have room in our apartment for a dog,” he added. 

Mike tried not to let the disappointment show on his face. “I know, I know. But someday, we’ll have room for a dog. Maybe a small one that can have a cushion in the corner of your room sized closet,” he teased. He let himself think about the future, once school was finished and studying and stressing about money was behind them. “It’s going to be great,” he added, trying out his wine. It was exactly what he wanted, and he smiled at his boyfriend. “We can have dessert, right?” he asked hopefully.

“You can have anything you want, Sexy Boy.” Chester reached his hand out this time. It was still one of the best feelings in the world to have Mike lace their fingers together without a single word or request for it. “The extra money from this will be nice,” he added with a softer smile. “We can afford any dessert off the menu you want.” 

****  
TBC


	6. Journal Entries

Chester sat behind the wheel of his little red sports car. He’d gotten to Amir’s fifteen minutes earlier than he was supposed to, and it seemed like a good opportunity to get some journaling in. He’d been in the habit of carrying the black leather bound book with him to work, just in case he found himself stuck in between projects or meetings, and this was exactly one of those moments. 

He had the journal open, pressed against the steering wheel as he wrote in green with his rainbow colored pen. He’d already propped his sunglasses up on his head, cushioned by his dark curls as he scrawled his sentences across the page. 

_I’m so fucking worried about Ryan. And I think I’m at the point where I have to admit that I can’t help. He won’t talk to me, and until he does, there’s nothing I can do._

He stopped, his eyes ghosting up and out the front windshield at the outside of Amir’s posh building. It was Tuesday, and Mike was stuck in classes all day, but Chester had the day off, which had finally lined up with Amir and Noah’s schedules. Hot coffee and a homemade breakfast prepared by his roommates was in order. 

_Technically I still live with Amir, but I’m never here. I think I’m going to tell him. Them. I’m going to tell Amir and Noah about Ryan. The few times I’ve mentioned him, Amir always says that he hasn’t really talked to him that every time he tries, Ry says he’s busy. Well I know that’s bullshit. Ry’s not busy...he’s hiding. Amir and Ry have always been close. Maybe he knows something I don’t. Maybe if he knows what’s going on, he can talk to Ry, and maybe Ry will talk to him._

Chester stopped, his bottom lip trembling for a second as he reread his own words. He couldn’t help the sting he felt over the thought that Ryan might open up to Amir, while still keeping him in the complete dark. “But that’s so fucking selfish of me,” he mumbled before he let out a hard breath and started to write again. 

_It doesn’t matter if it’s me or Amir or Noah or whoever. Whoever it takes to get through to him, that’s what needs to happen. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to get a phone call one day telling me Ry’s been arrested or he’s really hurt or…_

Chester stopped again. He couldn’t bring himself to write the word _dead_. He looked away, out the side window at the other cars in the parking lot. He sat still as he stared, as he tried to mentally pull himself together before he tried again, skipping down to the next line, leaving his sentence unfinished. 

_Mike tries to understand. He’s actually done amazing through all this. It feels like a lifetime ago he used to get upset and jealous over me just mentioning Ryan’s name. Now he’s supportive and encouraging._

Chester tapped the end of his pen against his lip, listening to the way it clicked against his piercing as he thought. The last few months since Mike had started school - since they’d gotten back together and started to repair their relationship - had been a new world. 

He looked down at his journal, rereading his paragraph before he added to it. _I think it’s been about finding balance. I needed balance with Ry. I was giving him way too much of myself, and Mike needed balance with his emotions. His jealousy. He knows I’ve been loyal through everything, and I think that’s really helped. And school, too. I think now that he’s really doing what he wants, and he’s finally going after his dream, he’s in a better place. He’s so chill most days now, which is amazing. I love him. I love him so much, and I know he loves me back. I’ve been trying my hardest to trust him, and so far he hasn’t done anything to make me think that I can’t. Us kinda having our own place again with just the two of us has been a big help, too, even though me staying on campus is breaking, like, a million rules. Mike wants me there, though, so until he says it’s no longer a good idea, I’m staying._

Chester glanced at the time. It was finally eight-thirty, and time to head up to Amir’s. He clicked his pen closed, before he put it and the journal back into his backpack on the passenger seat. He turned the car off, silencing the song that had been playing quietly in the background, and got out. Even though he’d made the journey up to Amir’s a thousand times by now - the journey to his technical home - this morning everything felt off. His stomach was a little uneasy, his steps quick. He just wanted to get upstairs, and then he could feel Amir and Noah out, see if they were in the mood to really talk or if everything was going to be surface level niceties. 

Chester tugged at his white muscle shirt as he rode the elevator up. He smoothed out the front and glanced down at his black Adidas track pants with the white stripes running up the side of each leg. He had on matching Adidas slides, and he smiled at his painted toenails - bright slime green. _Amir will get a kick out of that. He’ll ask me if I have a toe fungus or something._

The thought brought a snort from Chester’s nose and lips, and a lighter feeling came along with it. Amir was his friend - he was Ryan’s friend - and like friends, they were going to have to figure out how to help their buddy who was sinking lower and lower. 

Chester stopped in front of Amir’s door, his keys in hand. He tested the knob, and as expected, it was locked. He let himself in. The reality that he hadn't been there for four days hit him almost as hard as the smell of freshly baked banana nut muffins. “Wow, it smells good in here,” he announced as he left his keys on the little hook by the door and crossed the open space to get to the kitchen. He smiled the moment he saw Noah and Amir on either side of the oven, the two of them debating over the portions of muffins and fresh fruit they had spread out over three plates. 

Amir looked over his shoulder, his hand paused over a muffin. “Hey, Chaz. We were just trying to decide if you wanted one muffin or two. I can’t recall you ever eating more than one in a sitting, and this muffin pan Noah bought makes these giant ass muffins, so…” He turned back to the plates. One hand-sized muffin seemed like it would be enough, but Noah really thought two was better. 

Noah shook his head before Chester could answer. “They look big, but it’s all muffin top. The pan is awesome,” he stated, crossing his arms over his multi-colored shirt. “I just wanted to make sure you got enough.” 

Chester smiled. It was nice to have his friend concerned. “Actually, one is plenty. And if I’m wrong, I won’t be ashamed to grab a second one.” He winked Noah’s way, and when the redhead beamed at him, he knew the debate was over. He took his plate from Amir, and together the three of them walked over and sat down at the small round table. Chester’s stomach was craving the coffee he could smell more than the muffins and fruit. “Want me to help?” he asked, when Noah popped up from his chair to get the coffee he’d forgotten. 

“No, I got it, Chaz,” Noah answered as he walked two steaming cups of coffee back to the table, setting them in front of Chester and Amir. He slipped a quick kiss to Amir’s cheek before getting the third cup and finally sitting back down. 

Chester was a little loss for words. It was clear Noah had really taken on a roll much like his own when he was alone with Mike at the campus apartment. He was a little disappointed in himself for not noticing until now. “I know I haven’t been here in a few days,” he said, dishing sugar into his coffee before he reached for the small carton of milk that was already on the table. “But it’s hard to not stay with Mike every night.”

Amir watched Chester fix his coffee while he chewed, then shot Noah a sidelong glance. “Sounds like things are back to normal then. Every night.” He couldn’t help but wiggle his eyebrows at Chester, even though Noah nudged him under the table. 

“Better than normal,” Chester answered with a sheepish duck of his eyes. “Mike’s doing really well in his classes and my work is great and we’re really in the zone with each other again. It’s been a little hard,” he admitted as he picked a piece from his muffin. “You know, my trust isn’t always on ten, but I’m working on it. And he hasn’t done anything to make me doubt him.” 

“I’m glad,” Amir said honestly. “If Mike so much as sneezes in someone else’s direction, I’ll kick his ass.” He took an aggressive bite of his muffin, and reconsidered. “Well, Ry and I would,” he amended around his mouthful of banana nut goodness. 

Noah reached over and gently patted Amir’s arm with an indulgent smile before he looked at Chester. “He’s right. The two of them would stick up for you, Chaz, if anything goes wrong. And me, too. In whatever way I can.” 

“Thanks, guys, really,” Chester said, his hand going over his heart in gratitude for a second. “I really appreciate it. I don’t think you’ll have to kick Mike’s ass yet, though. He’s been a good boy.” He tossed his friends a short smile before looking back down at his muffin. It was a good opening to talk about Ryan, and he knew he needed to take it. _Someone has to help him. I’ve never seen Ry like this. No matter how bad things got at YRS, he was never, ever like this._

Chester nibbled on a small piece of muffin before taking a sip of coffee. “Have you heard from Ryan lately?” he asked the table. 

The small nibble of muffin caught Amir’s attention immediately. That was more like the Chester he knew, the Chester at YRS who never ate when things were a mess around him. _I knew things weren’t all good. Mike’s fine now, but Ry isn’t. And it better not be because Mike told Chaz they couldn’t be friends!_ Amir narrowed his eyes as the thought that maybe Mike hadn’t changed for the better crossed his mind. “I talked to him a few days ago, just for a minute. He was on his way to meet Rob somewhere. I’m really tired of hearing about his rebound, by the way. It’s _always_ about Rob whenever I can catch him for a minute.” 

Just the sound of Rob’s name made Chester’s heart sink a little. It was true, when Ryan would talk, it was usually about Rob. _And if they were really together, then it would be fine. I’d be happy for him. But they’re not. Whenever we’re talking face-to-face, he’s sad. He’s sad, even when he’s talking about Rob._

Chester sat forward, his little piece of muffin still between his fingers. “I’m worried about him,” he said, trying to get the conversation headed in the right direction. “He’s drinking. A lot. He showed up to work drunk one day. Me and Talinda had to get him sobered up before our boss found out. He, he looks awful. I ask if anything’s wrong and he changes the subject on me or just ends the conversation completely. He showed up late to work again the other day. It’s so bad Forrest said something to me about it, and I don’t know what to say anymore.” He looked up, hoping Amir would have some insight. Some sort of magic bean that would help. 

Amir picked up his coffee cup and blew across the top, his forehead creased in thought. There had been terrible days at YRS. Days that Amir had locked away the memory of because it was all over now, and there was no use dwelling on the past. But for something to be so terribly wrong that Ryan would show up to work late - or worse, drunk - was a level Amir could never remember in the years they had been friends. “Fuck, Chaz. I have no idea. I didn’t know it was that bad. I mean, I have a hard time getting him on the phone, but I didn't know it was that bad. I thought he was just busy. Juggling work and this… Rob.” He didn’t know what to call Rob. He clearly wasn’t a boyfriend, but he couldn’t bring himself to utter the word _fuckbuddy_ to Chester. 

“I talk to him even less,” Noah tossed in before taking a giant chomp of muffin.

It wasn’t what Chester was hoping to hear. He wrapped his arm around his middle. “It’s bad. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s usually so responsible. He stays out all night and doesn’t even let Talinda know, then she gets worried and sometimes he’ll ignore our texts and calls for hours or even days.” Chester looked away from his friends, over Amir’s shoulder and into the kitchen. “He knows there’s nothing with Rob, but he keeps going to him. I think he’s ashamed of that, maybe. I know it’s not what he wants. Did he tell you about Jason?” He looked back, right at Amir.

“Jason?” Amir practically spit out his former boss’ name. He didn’t have a lot of patience for Jason after everything that had happened with Mike, and how devastated Chester had been. “No, fuck. What happened with Jason?”

Chester let out a long breath before he started. He knew it wasn’t his place to share his friend’s secret, but things were at a breaking point. Something had to change before it got any worse. “When Jason came to L.A. to confront Mike, you know, while me and Mike were...working things out but they were still together…” Chester stopped. Saying it all out loud made him feel sick. He took a moment to regroup before he started again. “I guess he missed his flight because we didn’t get back from Long Beach till late. Ryan went and spent the night with him at the hotel.”

Noah’s mouth dropped open. “What? Did he really?” 

Chester nodded. “Yeah.” He looked back at Amir, waiting to see if this was a huge secret from him or not. 

“Fuck, Chaz,” Amir said as the hand holding his coffee hit the table with a thump. “What the fuck?” he tried again, trying to get it all to make sense. “Jason came back here to get Mike, but he was with you so he dragged Ryan into this whole fucked up thing? Who does that?” He stopped, his free hand going over his mouth as the three of them all mentally filled in _Mark._ There were no words for how shocked he was, both that Ryan had gone to Jason, and that he’d kept the secret from him. 

“It’s worse than that,” Chester said with a whole body sigh. “Ryan was happy about it. Remember how quickly he agreed to go to Seattle with Mike? It wasn’t because he was being nice...even though that was really fucking nice of him. It was to see Jay. They had this mini texting/flirting relationship going on, and when Ry got to Seattle they were going to go out and spend the night together again. The whole bit.” 

Noah raised his hand. “How did all this happen and we didn’t know anything about it?” he asked, looking from Chester to Amir. “Why wouldn’t Ryan tell us?” 

“Because it didn’t happen,” Chester told him with a sad shake of his head. “Ryan got there and he saw the house Jason had bought for him and Mike and he, he said he couldn’t do it. That it was a physical reminder of what happened. That Jay picked someone else.” He shrugged his shoulders in disbelief of how horribly wrong his best friend’s relationship had gone. “It was like his heart was broken all over again. I don’t think he’s talked to Jay since. I think that’s why he dove into things with Rob, but it’s not right. And Ry won’t talk to me about it, not for real, anyway. He won’t tell me what he’s really feeling or thinking.” 

Amir reached over and took Noah’s hand. “I don’t know why he wouldn’t say anything, Noey. I think it’s just been too much. Everything unraveled kind of quickly.” He looked back over at Chester. “It’s not like Ryan to stay out all night without telling someone. He knows how dangerous that is.” He shook his head. All of the information Chester just dropped was a lot to process, and he tried to work his way through it quickly. “Chaz, we need to get him over here somehow. Like, an intervention, or something. I never had an issue with Rob when he was the pool boy, but I don’t like how this is all sounding.”

“It sounds like a lot of empty sex,” Chester stated. “And that’s fine, unless you’re Ryan Shuck, who wants to be a boyfriend. Who wants to be important to someone. Who wants to be first in someone’s life. Fuck, do you think we could get him over here?” It was the first hopeful thing all morning and Chester sat back as he picked up his coffee and took a sip. It was room temperature, but still good. “I don’t want him to feel attacked, because he won’t like that. But if he knows we all care, maybe something will get him to open up and talk. He’s keeping Talinda in the dark, too.” 

“I don’t know, but it seems like it might be a good idea to try. Maybe if we make it sound easy. Like poker night or something.” Amir looked at Noah for ideas.

“A card night would be fun,” Noah offered. “And he did come over the last time we had a party, when I moved in, remember?” He watched as Chester and Amir both nodded. “I think Amir’s right. That’s the best way. We can make it sound fun and then we’ll ask him how things are.” 

“Okay,” Chester agreed easily. He was ready to try anything. “But we have to be careful. I don’t want him getting pissed at us and totally shutting all of us out.” He sucked his piercing in as he thought. “I’ll invite Talinda, too, if that’s okay? Before all this started, he was really getting close with her.”

“That’s a good idea. I’ve been curious about her ever since the two of you went to Score.” Amir patted Noah’s hand as he let him go and picked up his muffin again. “Damn, Chaz. I hope we’re overreacting to all of this. Maybe things with Rob are better than we think. You know?” 

Chester shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think things are really bad. He’s never shut me out before. I don’t want him to get fired. He tried to kiss me,” he admitted softly. “The day he came into work wasted.” 

“But, you guys have kissed before,” Noah partially questioned. 

“Not anymore.” Chester moved his coffee cup out of the way, giving his hands space to move around on the table. “Not since me and Mike got back together. We have really good boundaries now. I know that’s been hard on him, too. On both of us, but it’s healthier this way.” 

“It might be healthier in the long run, but that’s a lot in a short period of time.” Amir thought over the years, the way Ryan and Chester had always been close. It was that same closeness that bothered Mike so much, and if things were going to work out between Chester and Mike, it was one thing Amir knew had to go. Right now he was wondering if that had been one casualty too many for Ryan to bear. “I think we do need to try to get him over. Soon. If nothing else, we’ll all feel better knowing everything is okay… or that we stepped in before it gets too bad.” 

“Okay,” Chester agreed. “I’ll try and talk to him about it. If I can get him to say yes to playing cards, we’ll figure out a good night for it.” He picked up his muffin and took a bigger bite. He was already feeling better. They had a plan, and that was reassuring. It was more of a strategy than Chester had had on his own. _We’re his friends, and we’re going to help him. No matter what it takes._

****

Mike pushed his hair back with his left hand and left his fingers tangled in it as he leaned his head on his hand and stared down at his book. He had a plate in front of him with a banana on it, and a breakfast taco still rolled in a foil wrapper. Neither item had been touched yet, but it was only because he was on his third taco already. The best thing about the campus cafeteria close to the apartments was that he could eat as much of anything as he wanted. There was always plenty of variety, but he was partial to the breakfast tacos on Tuesdays. The bacon, egg, and potato with cheese were his favorite.

He made a note in the margin of his textbook, and kept reading. It was easy to tune out the sounds of students all around him as he sipped coffee and did his last minute studying. He had a music history test in a half hour, and even though he’d kept up with his reading and studied every night, the sheer amount of material made him anxious. _I know Ches thinks I put too much pressure on myself, but I want good grades. I want to get A’s in everything. I want to do well on this test._

Mike scratched at the top of his head and reached over for his coffee. He knew he needed to finish breakfast and get on to class so he didn’t feel rushed. It wasn’t a far walk, and he knew he had time to finish glancing over the chapter before he had to go. _I should get a to go cup for this coffee. I won’t finish it in time._ He looked over toward the buffet line, ready to stand to go get one, when Matt appeared. 

“Oh, hey, Mike,” Matt greeted cheerfully, slinging his bag down in the chair next to Mike. “Can you watch my bag for a minute while I grab a taco? I can’t believe I overslept this morning.” He didn’t wait for Mike to answer him, turning away from the table quickly.

“Sure,” Mike mumbled, knowing Matt wouldn’t hear him. He narrowed his eyes at his teacher’s retreating figure. It was unnerving how Matt always seemed to be around. Mike reached for his taco and peeled the foil back, taking a bite and trying to ignore the creepy feeling that had started to accompany Matt’s presence. The taco had been on his plate long enough to get cold, and he made a face as he chewed. It was still good, despite not being steaming hot anymore.

Matt didn’t waste time collecting two tacos and a bottle of orange juice from the counter and heading back over to Mike. Before he’d seen Mike sitting at the same round table, his intent had been to grab breakfast and head on over to the music building. But now, he wanted to sit and chat. He pulled out the chair across from Mike and sat down, throwing Mike a smile. “What are you working on? Anything exciting?” He peered across the table at the book in front of Mike’s nose. “Man, I don’t miss all that undergrad busy work.”

“It’s a lot,” Mike agreed without looking up. He took another bite of cold taco and turned the page of the thick, hardcover book. “I’ve got a test in a few minutes. Just hoping I’ve got enough of these dates committed to memory.”

It was an easy opening for Matt. “I’m sure you’re ready, Mike. I’ve never had a student as organized and prepared as you. I bet you ace it, no problem.” It thrilled him when Mike looked up at him, his dark eyes and long eyelashes peeking through the shaggy bangs across his forehead. Complimenting Mike always earned him a picture of blushing cheeks and a smile.

“I guess I’ll find out. It’s such a challenge. In a good way,” Mike rushed to say. “The rest of my coursework isn’t too bad. Even your class.” He didn’t feel bad that Matt’s class was easy for him, but he hoped the other man wasn’t offended.

“Yeah, freshman theory usually isn’t too bad for piano majors.” Matt opened his orange juice. “Why’d you start school so late, anyway?” he asked. There had never been an opportunity to ask before, and he was curious. Mike should be hanging out with him and his friends, not the fresh from high school eighteen year olds.

Mike balled up the foil from his taco and clutched it tightly in his hand. “It took me a while to get the financial stuff figured out,” he said, figuring that was an honest answer. “I didn’t want to have student loan debt for the rest of my life. So I worked some before I came here.” Leaving out the details was only a lie of omission, and Mike was okay with that. The last thing he wanted to talk about was YRS. He didn’t owe Matt a thorough explanation. 

“That’s totally the reason I’m a T.A.” Matt said. “Teaching a class or two each semester in exchange for tuition is worth it. Not to mention, I get to meet a lot of people that way.” He smiled and winked at Mike. “A lot of people I wouldn’t have met otherwise.” 

Mike didn’t quite know how to respond to that. _I hate when he winks at me. I can’t wait for this semester to be over, and I’ll be in a different theory class. Maybe I won’t run into him as much._ “I bet you know a lot of people,” he finally said. 

“I could get to know you better if you’d ever come out with us.” Matt stood up, his juice in his hand, and grabbed his bag. “I’m going to be late,” he said, sliding the strap over his shoulder and then picking up his unopened tacos with his free hand. “I’ll see you in a few hours. If you aren’t busy after class, you should come have a drink with me and Mayo.”

Mike shook his head. “Ches and I-”

“It’s always ‘Ches and I’ when something fun is happening,” Matt interrupted. “One of these days, Mike, you won’t have an excuse. You need to live a little. You’re too young to be married to that boyfriend of yours.” He shrugged. “When he bails on you, remember you’ve got other people you can spend time with, too. I’d like to spend some time with you outside of class, find out what goes on in your head while you make all those little drawings in the margins of your homework.” He watched Mike blush, and Matt smiled. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. You’re an artist and a musician. I bet you have a lot of interesting things to talk about.” With that last thought, Matt took a step back. “I’ll catch you later.”

Mike didn’t contribute another word to the conversation, just watched as Matt disappeared across the cafeteria. _I didn’t even think he graded my homework._ He shook his head and grabbed his banana, unzipping the small pocket of his backpack and stuffing it inside. It would make a good snack in about an hour. _Maybe I should take a couple of mini muffins with me, too._

From across the cafeteria, Brad waited until Mike was alone. When he quit his job at the high-end L.A. restaurant a few months back to take the opening as a line cook on the college campus, the last thing he’d expected was to see Mike Shinoda show up as a student. He always knew the former YRS model had talent, and had wanted to go to school, but with the chaos that had followed Mark’s untimely passing, and the financial struggles that seemed to haunt Mike and Chester, Brad never figured it would happen for the young piano playing artist. 

But it had, and Brad was thrilled that he got to see not only Mike, but Chester now and again, too. Ever since Jason had moved away up north, Brad was out of touch with everyone from YRS, so it was nice to get updates now again on everyone that he considered family. His boys. 

He crossed the room to stand opposite of Mike. “Hey, Mike, you got a few minutes or do you need to go?” he asked, pointing to the empty seat at the table. 

An instant smile hit Mike’s face. “I’ve got a few minutes,” he said, motioning across the table. “Tacos today were amazing. As always.” Brad was the only person from YRS that didn’t immediately bring bad feelings and memories with him. Mike adored the man’s cooking. 

Brad was all grin as he pulled out the chair and sat down, swatting his white half-apron out of the way. “I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your appetite. All the hungry souls around this place,” he partially mumbled as he scanned the cafeteria. “I’m not sure most of them eat outside of here.” He offered the students at large a sympathetic look before turning his attention back to Mike. “How are you and Chester doing? I haven’t seen you for a few weeks, it feels like.”

“We’re good.” Mike sat back, brushing his hair away from his eyes. “He’s working a lot, and I’m studying a ton, but it all seems to be going well.” He leaned into the table, closer to Brad. “He’s practically living on campus with me, that’s why I haven’t been here much. You know how he loves to cook. He keeps me pretty satisfied.”

A sense of pride floated over Brad. He wasn’t sure if Mike knew, but he’d taught Chester a lot over the years they were at YRS together. It was nice to hear that all those lessons in the kitchen hadn’t gone to waste. “He’s good,” Brad commented. “He’s a smart boy. He was always hanging around my kitchen, asking questions and wanting to help. He’s got good natural instincts when it comes to spices and flavors. I thought maybe he’d go to school, too, for culinary arts, after his contract was up. I’ve seen some of his and Ryan’s work in the magazines though, so I guess school just isn’t in the cards for him.” 

“Ches is happy with the way things are going at Score,” Mike offered carefully. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to get into how things were going with Ryan. “He does love to cook, and he’s good at it, but every time I mention school, he’s hesitant. I think he’s doing something he enjoys right now, so I’m just being supportive. I’ll need to get him in here to see you soon.” He looked down at his things, and picked up his book to put in his backpack. “Things good with you, too?” he asked, squinting his eyes in thought. Mike wasn’t sure if he’d ever asked Brad how he was doing, and it felt like a failure he should correct.

Brad leaned back in his seat. “Oh yes. I love working here. So many starving young people who need good nourishment to keep up with their studies. And the people here are great. It’s very different from the restaurant scene,” he stated with a shake of his head. His curly hair was pulled back and in a hairnet. It was the one thing he didn’t like about the job, but he could put up with it if it meant being happy at work. “Even the teachers have been nice. Miss Boren, the Jewish Studies dean, has been very interesting to talk to. Did you know she’s a bit gifted with the sight? She knew that I came here after tragedy and that my only family member had left the state. She’s an amazing woman,” he said, a goofy smile filling his face as he pictured the blonde haired professor who shared his interest in the art of glimpses into the future.

It was good to see Brad so cheerful, and Mike was happy for him. So many of the events of the last year were painful to think about, but it seemed like things were settling down for Brad, as well as him and Chester. Mike stayed focused on just his life with his boyfriend, and tried not to worry about Ryan the way Chester did. Jason was a passing thought in his days, and Mike was surprised how little he dwelled on that particular mistake, or on wondering how Jason was doing. None of that mattered now that he and Chester were working on making their life together exactly what they wanted it to be. That was all Mike had time to worry about. “Brad, you should ask her to lunch or something,” he encouraged. “If you both have _the gift_ it would be a common thing to talk about.” 

Brad cocked his head in thought. “Do you think she would go to dinner with me? Oh, Mike, I don’t know,” he rushed to say. “I haven’t been out with a woman in a long time. There was never any time before. First I was in school and then out at the house with you boys all the time.” He rubbed his hands together. “It would be nice though. She’s so beautiful.” He looked down at himself, at his food-stained apron and skinny arms. “Not sure I’m in her league.” 

“If she went out of her way to talk to you, and she knew things without you telling her, she’s interested,” Mike assured firmly before he cocked his head to the side, thinking. Matt was always going out of his way to talk to him, and notice things too. The uneasy feeling that came with thoughts of his theory teacher settled back into his stomach. “Make her something special and ask. You’ll never know unless you do.” 

Brad nodded. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. She was born under the star of Nova, which means we align.” He sighed as he thought about all the connections between himself and Elisa Boren. Professionally, they were miles apart, but just in the few conversations they’d had, he knew there was more of a connection than simply working on the same campus. 

Brad stood up. “I have to get back to it,” he told Mike. “You wouldn’t believe how quickly we run out of breakfast tacos. Tell Chester I said hi.” Before he could step away, a flash crossed Brad’s memory. “That reminds me,” he said, his hands going to his hips. “I had a vision about Chester the other day, and I haven’t quite been able to figure it out. Usually things are obvious, but this one threw me for a little loop. I saw you and Chester here, on campus, and he was...he was with child.” 

If Mike had had a mouthful of coffee it would have ended badly. He snorted a laugh and looked up at Brad. “With child? You mean, like, pregnant?” 

“Yes,” Brad confirmed without hesitation. “He looked the same otherwise. And you,” he said, pointing at Mike’s chest, “you were happy. Overly happy. I know it sounds odd, but it was clear as day. He was pregnant.”

There were zero words. Mike just stared at Brad, trying to figure out what in the world he was talking about. He knew there was biologically no possible way for Brad’s vision to be true, yet it had been proven time and time again that he was always right. “Well, something about that is just off,” he finally said, standing up and grabbing his bag and his music history book. “I’m off to my exam, I’ll see you soon. And you should ask her out,” he added, turning the conversation back to Miss Boren and then impulsively reaching out to shake Brad’s hand to say goodbye.

“I think maybe I will. Good luck with your studies,” Brad said, and just as the words came out of his mouth, his grip on Mike’s hand tightened. It was like a rush through his system, an eerie, forlorning of a warning. “Oh,” he said, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the back of Mike’s hand, like there were words written on his skin. “Mike, I, I just had a bad feeling.” He looked up. “That young man that was sitting with you before...his intentions aren’t good. I saw it. He’s the lion on the hunt.” 

Though it should have been a surprise, Mike wasn’t shocked at all. “I’ve never had a great feeling about him, either. He’s my theory T.A.” He dropped Brad’s grip and sighed. “I’m trying to stay on his good side for class, but he keeps asking me to go out with the graduate students. It feels weird. I’ll be careful,” he promised, focusing on Brad’s concerned look. “I felt it, too, and I won’t let him mess things up for me.” 

“Good to hear,” Brad encouraged. “I know your relationship with Chester is very strong. I don’t worry too much about the two of you in that respect, but when a lion comes along, it’s good to be aware.” He offered one last smile before he bid Mike goodbye and headed back to the kitchen. He had tacos to make, and words to figure out how to say the next time he ran into Elisa Boren.

****

The television was on, but turned down low as Chester sat on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table. He could hear the shower running in the background as he wrote in his journal with his rainbow pen, pink letters covering the page. 

_Mike saw Brad today. He said he’s got a crush on some lady teacher. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Brad with a woman before._

He stopped, tapping the end of his pen against his lip ring as he stared blankly at the Spongebob cartoon running across the television. He and Mike had already had dinner, and Chester knew he didn’t have a lot of time before his boyfriend would be finished, and it would be his turn in the small bathroom, but he wanted to get a few thoughts down in his journal first. 

_All those years at YRS and I don’t think I ever heard Brad even mention going out with a girl. Or anyone for that matter,_ he wrote as he played his tongue over his piercing. _I guess he was too wrapped up in the YRS drama for dating. I totally understand that. It wasn’t really a life any of us wanted to share with someone. I’m awfully glad I did though._

Chester glanced beside him and smiled at the red and black flannel shirt that was lazily tossed over the arm of the couch before he went back to writing. _I’ve told my therapist about Brad and how I didn’t really get into cooking until I met him. She says that’s why I enjoy cooking so much, that Brad represented someone safe at YRS, and my reptilian brain has made a connection between food and safety. Not food. Preparing food for other people and safety. She says that’s why I like to cook for other people so much. It’s a safe place for me. I’m not sure I like that term - reptilian brain - but I guess she’s right. I never would have put those two things together. Thinking back, I used to spend a lot of time with Brad in the kitchen at YRS. It was safer. If I was with Brad, Mark was less likely to pull me off somewhere and…”_

Chester narrowed his eyes at his own writing before he threw his head back against the couch. “Fuck,” he swore harshly as he stared up at the ceiling. He took a minute, concentrating on his breathing before he looked down at the page in his journal. Without even realizing it, he’d written out the exact reason the therapist had stated for his love of cooking. He couldn’t deny she was right anymore. He’d just admitted it to himself. 

He clicked his pen color over to red before he continued, starting with a new paragraph. _Well fuck me didn’t I just realize she’s been right about all this. So I like to cook for other people so much because it’s safe. How fucked up am I? I guess this is why I’m in therapy. I need to figure this stuff out. There’s so many layers to everything. It’s scary sometimes. It’s hard to think about a lot of it, but she says I have to. I have to walk through it so I can get past it. I want to get past it. All of it. I want to be healthy._

Chester let out a long breath as he took a break. He closed his eyes and listened to the shower turn off in the background. His mind started to wander as he thought about pajamas and which underwear he wanted to put on. He thought about the brownies that he’d made earlier, and the ice cream they had to go with them, which was their plan for the night. After he had his turn in the shower, he and Mike were going to have a belated dessert and watch a little television before bed. 

Chester picked his head up and clicked his pen back to pink. _I have my shoot coming up for the humane society. I’m so excited about it, and Mike’s going to come and watch. He’s never been to Score before. It will be fun to walk him around and introduce him to everyone. He’ll get to meet Talinda, which should be interesting. Ryan’s supposed to come, too. It will be the first time Ryan and Mike’s been in the same room in a really long time. I hope it goes well. They both love dogs, so all the cute puppies should be a good distraction for them both._

That thought seemed to be a good place to stop for the night. Chester yawned as he closed his journal and set it and his pen on the cushion next to him before he stood up. He knew Mike would be stepping out of the bathroom any minute, and Chester wanted to have his stuff ready to go. 

He headed for the bedroom, humming as he went. The day felt long. After he’d visited Amir and Noah, he had tried to track Ryan down, but with no luck. A run on the beach by himself had been exhausting as he pushed himself to his limit. Shopping was after that. Their small refrigerator and sparse cabinets were out of everything. Lugging grocery bags in and out of his car had been time consuming, but it needed to be done. He’d cleaned the apartment afterwards, everything from mopping the kitchen floors to scrubbing out their shower. Making dinner was probably the most relaxing part, and as Chester stood in front of the dresser, pulling a pair of zebra print pajama pants out, he had to laugh at himself. _Now I know why that was the most enjoyable part of the day. I guess it’s not a bad thing. I know it’s not bad. It’s just good to be self-aware. That’s what my therapist said. It’s all about being self-aware._

He took a white muscle shirt from the drawer next, and a pair of black underwear and he was all set for his turn in the shower. He slumped down on his side of the bed to wait. With the shower turned off, the apartment was quiet other than the occasional noise through the wall or something coming from outside. _I miss the sound of the ocean. The beach was so beautiful today. I could have stayed twice as long if I would have had time._

A minute later he heard the bathroom door open, and he looked out into the hallway to catch a first glimpse of his boyfriend. He loved it when Mike got out of the shower, his shaggy hair a mess from being towel dried. Chester was already smiling as he leaned to the right, trying to get the best view possible from the bed. 

Mike was looking forward to doing nothing for the rest of the evening. It had been a good day, despite the stress of his exam earlier, and the promise of dessert and cuddling was exactly how he wanted to spend his time with Chester. His skin was damp from the shower and he had wrapped his towel around his waist to make the short trip from the bathroom to the bedroom. He could see Chester’s head peeking around the doorframe and he laughed. “You look like you’re ready to take a shower. I tried to save you some hot water.” He stepped into the bedroom and stopped in front of his boyfriend. 

Chester looked up, his hands instantly going to Mike’s towel-clad waist. “Please, Sexy Boy, I was just trying to get a good look at you. My shower can wait.” He leaned forward, his senses invaded with the fresh smell of Mike’s skin as he plopped a kiss on his damp stomach.

Mike dropped one hand right to the top of Chester’s curls. “I’m ready for you to get all clean so we can sit together and relax. No school work tonight, babe. I’m all yours until we pass out.” He snickered under his breath as Chester’s lips tickled his skin. “You know if you start that, we’ll end up staying in here all night,” he warned. They were in a good place together where every moment didn’t have to end in sex to be a good night, and both of them were comfortable making plans like they’d made for this evening. Mike knew he was mentally too exhausted for much more than spacing out in front of the television, and he didn’t want to start something he couldn’t finish. “You better go hop your cute ass into the shower now and let me get dressed.”

Chester faked a pout as he pulled away, taking his hands back. “I know. Trust me, I’m ready to get clean and crash, too.” He yawned as he stood up and pecked a soft kiss to Mike’s cheek. “Don’t eat brownies without me. I’ll try to be quick.” He didn’t wait for Mike to agree. He left his clothes on the bed, neatly stacked and waiting for his return, before he headed for the shower. 

“I can’t promise anything,” Mike called over his shoulder. He heard Chester mumble something in response and he smiled. _I wonder if Ches remembered to get chocolate syrup. A warm brownie and ice cream with chocolate syrup sounds amazing. It will be good without the syrup, but I really wanted that. Or caramel sauce. Oh, maybe he got both._ Mike’s thoughts stopped on the idea of two sauces and how delicious and sticky it would be. He let his towel drop to the floor when he reached for his boxers, and stepped into them before he shimmied into his black pajama pants with Japanese anime koala bears on them. The giant eyes made him smile every time.

It was just warm enough in the apartment that Mike decided to forego the t-shirt he’d pulled out for bedtime. He loved the way Chester’s eyes would light up when he walked around the apartment shirtless, as though it were a novel, unexpected event. The sound of the shower filtered through the silence, and Mike scooped up his phone and flipped off the light on his way out of the bedroom, his t-shirt on the bed. They had a little throw blanket over the back of the couch he could use if he got cold. 

He was flicking through his social media as he plopped down on the couch, his thigh hitting something solid underneath him instead of the soft cushion he’d been expecting. Mike shifted to the side and picked up the hard book he’d accidentally sat on, recognizing it immediately as Chester’s journal. He glanced toward the bathroom, where the water was still running. Chester hadn’t been in the shower for more than a few minutes.

 _He never leaves this out._ The thought was sharp and sudden, and Mike looked down at the black leather bound book. Over the past few months, ever since the weekend in Long Beach, when Mike confessed to Chester that he didn’t want to go to Seattle with Jason and wanted to fix their relationship instead, communication between the two of them had been significantly better than it had ever been. They talked about anything and everything, and part of that was Chester’s therapy. Mike knew the journal was an important part of the therapy and Chester’s journey, and sometimes his boyfriend shared things that he wrote about. _But not everything. There’s stuff he still doesn’t tell me. Stuff about YRS and Mark. He always goes around the subject of Mark._

Mike bit down on his bottom lip, looking from the journal to the bathroom. It would be so easy to peek, to see what Chester had written about today. To see if he had anything to say about Mike talking to Brad earlier, or what Mike had told him about Matt asking him to hang out again. He could flip back to the very front and see what things Chester had said about him when they were broken up and he was with Jason. _Jason._ The thought of Jason brought an instant frown to Mike’s face. _How stupid I was acting with him. I bet Ches had plenty to say about that._

No part of Mike wanted to read about the pain he’d caused. He and Chester had talked about all of that time - a lot more than he really wanted to - and Mike didn’t have a desire to know more about it unless Chester wanted him to know about it. Everything inside the book was Chester’s to share if he wanted to, not for him to snoop through. Betraying his boyfriend’s trust wasn’t something he wanted to do ever again. Mike leaned over and put the journal on the table and settled back onto the couch to wait.

 _I wonder what Ches would think if I told him Brad said he had a vision of him pregnant._ Mike let his head drop to the back of the couch, and he stared up at the ceiling, trying to imagine what it would be like to have a pregnant partner. _Men can’t get pregnant. We don’t have to worry about that. But why would Brad see that? We’ve only ever talked about children in a vague way. And in a far off, way in the future kind of way. Not now. Not here, on campus._ The thought of adopting a child with Chester wasn’t completely scary, but Mike didn’t want to be a father any time soon. _We’ve got so much to do still before we could ever bring children into the picture. I’ve got to finish school, and we’ve got to be financially secure. And my parents… I’d want our child to have grandparents._

Mike didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about his parents' absence from his life these days, but the idea of having a son or daughter who would grow up without knowing his parents was a heavy thought. There was still a part of him that hoped someday he’d be able to have a relationship with his parents again. It had been years at this point, and it seemed like enough time had passed that they would be used to the idea of him being gay, and being a musician and an artist. _They wanted grandchildren. Would they still want them even if Ches and I had them together?_ The thought that his parents might never accept Chester, or any children Mike might have, made his heart ache. He closed his eyes and tried not to feel so sad over something that wasn’t even a reality yet. 

In that bathroom, Chester didn’t waste any time. He was already tired, and the hot shower made his sluggish feelings triple. He wanted to get clean and then get out so he could have as much time with Mike as he could before they would retire to bed to fall asleep quickly. 

He turned off the shower and dried himself off as he thought about the brownies in the kitchen. They were double fudge chocolate - Mike’s favorite - and he’d gotten a chocolate swirl ice cream to go with them. _And chocolate sauce for Sexy Boy._

He smiled at the thought of his boyfriend, who loved all things sweet and gooey. Chester looked at his hair in the mirror. His curls were damp and laying a little flat - smooshed, even - but it didn’t matter. Even if he took the time to fix them perfectly, they’d be ruined in the morning and he’d have to do them all over again. Besides, he knew Mike didn’t care. His boyfriend would be running a hand through them at least once before bed anyway. 

He wrapped his towel around his thin waist and headed for the bedroom. He pulled on his underwear and his zebra print joggers before he stopped. His eyes narrowing in thought. _Mike’s shirt._ He picked it up before he looked out the door and down the hall, but he couldn’t see anything. _He’s shirtless. He does this just to torture me._

A full grin hit Chester’s lips as he left his shirt on the bed, too. He had no issue walking around topless, or even less than that on nights when he knew sex was on the menu. He tossed his towel into the hamper and headed for the living room. He stepped around to the side of the couch, smiling down at his bare chested boyfriend before he leaned over. His hands went to the cushions, balancing his weight as he plopped a kiss to Mike’s naked shoulder. “I love it when you come out of your shell and let me see your beautiful skin.” He kissed a little lower on Mike’s bicep, and then back up to his shoulder and then his neck. “Are you ready for brownies?” 

Brownies were good, but Chester was better, and in a burst of energy, Mike thought about pulling Chester over the arm of the couch and into his lap. In his mind it would be easy, and his boyfriend would laugh, and then Mike would tickle him a little more. But the reality of their position didn’t let Mike get his arm around Chester enough to pull him over, and he ended up just rubbing his palm along Chester’s side. “Did you get chocolate syrup?” Mike asked hopefully, forcing himself to look up past Chester’s belly button and pink nipples into his face. Lingering stares to his lover’s chest would only end with them in the bed, no brownies in sight. 

“Mmmm, of course I did,” Chester hummed in response. “Do you want one scoop of ice cream or two?” 

“Oh, I love you. It’s going to be ten times better with the syrup. And ice cream, hmmm, I think just one. Well, no, okay, two. Two small scoops.” Mike shook his head. “I don’t know. How big are the brownies?” He feathered his fingers over Chester’s stomach and smiled at the shiver his touch caused. 

“I made a whole sheet tray of them, so they’re as big as you want.” Chester pressed his lips to Mike’s neck, his eyes closed. “Big pieces, little pieces,” he purred as he made his way up closer to Mike’s ear, one of his knees coming up on the arm of the couch. “Medium sized pieces. You pick, Seeexy Boy.” 

There was just enough of Chester’s body on the arm of the couch that Mike could pull him over, and he did. With both hands around his waist, Mike got Chester over onto his lap, surprising them both a little. He used his beard to tickle Chester’s face. “I want a big piece, but not until I tickle you and kiss you a little bit.” He nuzzled in close by Chester’s face and then moved his lips up under his jaw. “You smell good,” he mumbled as he let the tickles turn to softer, sweeter pecks. 

Chester’s knees were pressed into the couch on either side of Mike’s hips, his arms around his boyfriend’s neck as he relished in the affection. “I’ll slice you a massive piece of brownie,” he said before he leaned his head down enough to capture Mike’s soft lips. He heard himself moan inside the kiss, a barely there flutter of a sound. His hips rocked on instinct as he felt Mike’s hand roam up his naked back, and then down his spine in an exaggerated slow motion. 

Mike let their kiss break, slowly, and pulled back to look into his boyfriend’s face. It never took much for the two of them to get lost in the kisses, and Mike was sure it was the warmth of their connection and not the hot shower that had Chester’s cheeks a little pink. “Sometimes when you do that, I don’t feel so tired anymore.” He dragged his fingers up and over Chester’s back and back down, and then let his fingernails lightly scrape at the skin right above his pajama pants. “You make me want to forget dessert and just have you.” 

Chester brought one hand around, and traced over Mike’s beard as he gazed into his black eyes. “I’m glad I still entice you. Taking me over dessert...wow,” he said with big eyes and a silly grin. “I love you,” he stated as he plopped one last kiss to Mike’s lips before he let out a long breath, willing himself to calm down from the last three minutes of hot kisses and touches. “And I _know_ you want brownies, and we’re both tired. It’s been a long ass day.” 

He carefully eased himself off of Mike’s lap, making sure to give his boyfriend’s leg a playful smack before he headed for the kitchen, which was all of five feet away. “Seriously, how big of a piece do you want and how many scoops?” 

Mike sighed, watching Chester’s ass make its way across the space. “How about a brownie the size of the bottom of the bowl, and a scoop on top? And I’ll do the chocolate sauce, so you don’t put too much. If you use it like you use ketchup, it will be ninety percent sauce and ten percent brownie.” He slid off the couch and wandered over to the bar to watch. “Thanks for cleaning in here today, too. I forgot to tell you, it all looks nice.” He ran a hand over his hair and then scratched his face, thinking about how little he contributed to the upkeep of the apartment that was technically his. “I need to do better about helping with some of that stuff.” 

Chester looked up from where he’d sat two bowls out on the bar. “I don’t mind,” he offered before he turned and took the pan of brownies from the top of the stove. “You know me, I’m an OCD cleaner. It’s relaxing in its own way. I can’t have stuff out of place.” He grabbed a spatula from the drawer and used it to outline the shape of Mike’s brownie before he pressed it down and scooped the already gooey fudge brownie out and plopped it into the bowl. 

“Have you always been like that?” Mike asked as he leaned on the bar. “Has it always bothered you? Or is that an adult Chester thing?” He tried to visualize a smaller version of his boyfriend, maybe with curly hair a little longer than it was now, and the same beautiful eyes, mopping an imaginary kitchen floor. Then he realized he’d never seen a picture of Chester when he was younger. Mike scraped his teeth over his bottom lip while he gave that a few second’s thought.

Chester scooped a smaller piece of brownie into his bowl before he covered the pan back up and set it off onto the stove top. He headed to the freezer to get the ice cream. “I’m not sure when it started,” he answered honestly as he thought back. “No, no I do remember.” He stopped mid-turn, the tub of ice cream in hand. “It was after my dad died. My mom, she just stopped doing everything, and so it was up to me. You remember my mom’s house,” he said as he pulled himself out of his trance and set the ice cream on the bar before getting the scooper. “She had all those knick-knacks and junk sitting around. Not junk, just stuff. She always dusted around everything, and that shit takes a long time. When I moved out, I decided I didn’t want that. I like everything clean and minimal.” He plopped a large scoop of ice cream onto Mike’s brownie. “More?”

Mike looked over into the bowl. “No, that’s good,” he decided. It made sense to him that Chester didn’t want to keep things the way his mom had. “My parents always had the kind of house that looked like they’d hired a decorator to put it together. There was never much clutter.” He stopped, thinking about the house he’d grown up in that his parents no longer lived in. He didn’t even know what their current place looked like, and he couldn’t imagine the high end gray and white look of marble and stainless steel in a place like Colorado. _Everything would be the same color inside and out. And it would feel cold._ “I’m sure it’s the same way now.” 

Chester put the ice cream away after dropping a small amount on top of his brownie. “I bet your art stuff played hell with that kind of house.” He watched his boyfriend for a moment, hoping his comment would bring a little more conversation before Mike would inevitably change the subject, like he always did when the topic of the elder Shinodas was brought up.

“They were always into my art.” Mike picked up the chocolate syrup and waited for Chester to hand his bowl over the bar to him. “The only thing my mom hated was when I got into spray paint. It was drippy and smelly and got everywhere, even when I was careful with drop cloths in the garage. After a few times she wouldn’t let me paint in there anymore, I had to take it outside, and the wind always messed stuff up.” He pondered the memories for a moment before he went on. “Art was for after my studies, and after my practice. I think they thought it was a good outlet, just a hobby.” 

“They’re not wrong,” Chester said as he handed Mike a spoon and then his dessert. He nodded toward the couch, and together they walked over and sat down. Chester crossed his legs as he put his feet up on the coffee table, his bowl in his lap - no chocolate sauce, just brownie and ice cream. “I think having that creative outlet is good,” he continued, like their conversation hadn’t skipped a beat. “You haven’t talked about them in a while...have you thought about giving them a call to let them know you started college?” 

Mike pulled his feet up under him and flipped the top of the chocolate sauce open, drizzling a light layer over the top of his ice cream before setting it on the table next to Chester’s feet. “I don’t know, Ches. Even though it’s college, it’s still not what they wanted me to do. I’m not sure it would make a difference in what they think of my life.” He didn’t want to say, it had also been so long now, he wasn’t even sure how to start or what to say to them.

Chester teased the ice cream on his spoon with his tongue. It was cold, and felt nice against his piercing. But that didn’t help him come up with what to say. He didn’t know if it was better to push the conversation further, or change the subject himself and give his boyfriend a break from thinking about it. “I’m sorry, Mike,” he said softly as he reached over and squeezed his arm, gently. “Maybe one day, right? Until then you have a lot of people around you who care. We’ve even got Brad back.” 

“It’s funny, I was thinking about them while you were in the shower.” Mike scooped out a big bite of brownie and ice cream. His spoon hovered over the bowl while he rushed to say, “because of Brad. He said you were going to be pregnant and I know my parents always wanted grandchildren.” He stuck the spoon in his mouth before he said anything else, watching Chester’s reaction. 

Chester had just managed to swallow his bite of half ice cream, half brownie, before he looked over at Mike. “What? Pregnant?” He shook his head. “What do you mean? Why would he say that?” Thinking about adopting a child some time in the way off future was one thing, but the idea of him actually carrying a child was something else. He knew it was impossible, but if Brad said it, then that meant there was truth behind it. 

Mike couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped at the bewildered look on Chester’s face. “He meant it literally. That you were pregnant. And we both know that’s impossible.” He quickly spooned another bite. “I think it might be the first thing Brad’s ever been wrong about.” 

Chester shook his head as he stared down at his half-eaten dessert. “No. Brad’s never wrong. It will happen. Obviously not the way we’re thinking,” he said, a quick motion between the two of them. “But something’s going to happen that’s going to be...hell, I don’t know.” He let out a frustrated sigh as he racked his brain. “That’s a tough one, but trust me, Mike, it will come true. We won’t even see it coming and wham!” he hollered, bolting forward in his seat for a second, his legs coming off the table. “And then we’ll be like, dammit, Brad was right.” 

“You know, he said I was really happy.” Mike looked over and saw Chester relax back on the couch next to him. “Whatever it is, we’re together and we’re happy. So baby or not, he still sees our future together. I love that.” It didn’t matter to Mike if Brad was right about Chester being pregnant. He knew that couldn’t happen. But whatever the reality was, he was with Chester and they were happy. That was all that mattered. 

“Of course you’ll be happy. You won’t be the one carrying our baby. Miiike,” Chester whined as he sat his bowl on the coffee table and twisted in his seat. “Look at me.” He rubbed his hand over his flat stomach. “If I end up pregnant, I won’t look right. Nothing will fit, and I just don’t think I could handle it.” He looked away and over the apartment as he envisioned himself with a bulging belly before his logic kicked back in and Mike’s statement filtered through. He turned back toward his lover. “You’re right though; it’s awesome he sees us together and happy in the future.” He knew that Brad didn’t know anything about what had happened with Jason and Mike and his and Mike’s short separation, but that reality hadn’t seemed to affect the future that Brad was still clearly seeing for the two of them.

“You’re so funny. I did it too, though. Tried to imagine you with a big pregnant belly.” Mike leaned over and left a chocolatey kiss on Chester’s lips. “I’d have to dry off your legs after you showered and tie your shoes, and pick up things you dropped on the floor.” He smiled at the thought. “It would be me as your willing servant all the time.” 

Chester smiled. “Well, that part might be kinda nice.” He reached over and slid one finger over Mike’s bare chest and then up to his neck before he tickled him under his chin. “Anyway. I’m going to try and not worry about that.” He took his hand back and slapped both his knees with a yawn. It was exhausting thinking about being pregnant. _Is this what women go through? Ugh, I think that would be awful._ He cringed before he shook it off and stood up. He grabbed his bowl and headed for the kitchen. He still had a few bites of brownie left, but his ice cream was melted and he wasn’t in the mood to finish it. “Hurry up, Sexy Boy,” he called through another yawn. “My future pregnant-ass wants to go lay down.”

“Hurry up? I’m finished,” Mike said, scooping the last bite from his bowl. He could eat more, but Chester’s yawns were a definite sign that bedtime couldn’t get there fast enough. Truthfully, he was tired too. He walked his bowl into the kitchen and handed it over to Chester, who was rinsing his out already. “I’m gonna go brush my teeth,” he decided, tapping his hand gently to Chester’s ass. “I’ll meet you in bed.” 

“I bet I get there first,” Chester said as Mike walked away. He quickly rinsed out their bowls and gave the tiny kitchen one more wipe down before he turned off the television and the lights and headed for the bedroom. The bathroom door was still closed, and he chuckled to himself as he flipped on the bedroom light just long enough to get the lamp by the bed on. He pulled off his joggers and his underwear before he climbed in under the blanket. He shoved his arm up under his pillow as he yawned. _Pregnant. Whatever. No. No I know it means something. Maybe it won’t be for a long time. God, I hope it’s not a stomach ulcer or something. No, that makes no sense. It has to be something Mike’s extremely happy over._

The thoughts twisted through Chester’s brain, and by the time he felt his lover’s warm body up against him, he wasn’t sure if he was asleep or awake. His body was heavy, and Mike’s familiar shape behind him was a comfort that dragged him the rest of the way under. 

****  
TBC


	7. Say Cheese

Mike sighed and closed his book. After restarting the same chapter for the third time, he decided he wasn’t going to be able to focus. He leaned over and slid the thick volume into his backpack, zipping it up and effectively ending any pretense of studying he’d tried to put on while he waited for Chester to finish getting ready. It always amused him how much time his boyfriend spent getting ready to go into Score, knowing that he’d be given different clothes to wear the minute he walked in.

At least, that’s how he assumed it went. In his mind, Mike pictured Chester’s daily entrance into Score as an event. He imagined his boyfriend walking into a busy room, being shuttled into a giant dressing area filled with an array of outfits, and being dressed and primped in front of walls of mirrors and all manner of different lighting. Chester was a fashion celebrity in his head, and even though he knew the fanfare he’d dreamed up was unlikely, a little part of Mike hoped that Chester was treated that way when he went to work. He knew that Chester loved it, and these days that was enough for Mike to love it back. 

Today Mike had been invited to see a little of how things worked, and he was excited to get to see the inner workings of a place he’d heard so much about and never seen. Not only was he going to get to see Chester in his element, today was the commercial shoot for the humane society that he’d been invited to film. _Ches says there’s gonna be puppies. That will be fun. Maybe I’ll even get to hold one._ He looked down at his backpack. The intent was to take it with him, on the off chance he got to do a little bit of studying while he was there, but Mike changed his mind. _I want to see what Ches does. Focus on him, so he knows I’m interested. I’m ahead on my reading, anyway. I’ll pick it back up when we get home._

Mike stood up from the couch, stretching his arms over his head. He felt his t-shirt ride up over his stomach, and his jeans settle lower around his hips. He hadn’t bothered to put on a belt, and he knew if Chester saw, he would have a comment about it. _I don’t need a belt. You can’t see it anyway. My t-shirt covers the top of my jeans, so what’s the point?_ He could almost hear Chester’s protest in his head - _the belt is supposed to match your shoes, it finishes your outfit!_ \- and Mike grinned. Despite years with Chester, his boyfriend had yet to get him out of his comfortable, utilitarian flannels and t-shirts. But today he had taken an extra minute to coordinate one of the two interesting pairs of socks he owned with his clothes.

Mike looked down at the neon green toe of the dark blue sock with tiny alien heads all over them. From far away they were so small they looked like polka-dots, just like his music note socks. He remembered when Chester brought the aliens home and gave them to him, on the anniversary of their first date, as a tribute to the alien socks he’d worn out with Mike that night. It was one of only two pairs of not-white socks Mike owned, and today seemed like a good day to wear them. He was going into Chester’s territory, and he wanted to try to fit the part. Mike straightened his t-shirt, and buttoned up his dark blue plaid flannel before he stepped toward the bathroom he knew Chester hated, but still spent a lot of time in anyway.

He leaned against the doorframe and watched Chester mess with his hair for a second. “You look great, babe,” he offered, admiring the curve of Chester’s small ass in his tight jeans. “Even when I try to step up my game a bit, I look like a slob next to you.” 

Chester caught Mike’s reflection in the mirror. “From a strictly fashion point of view, it’s because your clothes are too big on you.” He turned around, his hand coasting up and down the vicinity of Mike’s front. “They’re like a bunch of sad vultures, drooping their heads while they sit in the trees waiting for the next thing on the ground to die. You lose your whole form under them, all your curves and muscles and hips.” He reached over and tugged on Mike’s flannel with a smile. “But from a boyfriend’s point of view, you still work it like the Sexy Boy you are.” He went from tugging on Mike’s flannel to wrapping his arms around his neck. He started the slow kiss, and hummed his approval when Mike’s hands went to his hips, then his ass. 

When their lips parted, Chester was all smiles as he feathered his fingers up and down the back of Mike’s neck. “Are you excited to meet everyone today? It’s going to be a lot of fun.” 

“Mmmm,” Mike hummed, his eyes locked on Chester’s face. “I’m excited to see you in action. I’ll get to watch and think, that’s _my_ boyfriend looking so hot.” He pulled Chester a little closer and wiggled his hips. “I might have a hard time keeping my hands off you.” It only took a small dip of his head to bring their lips back together for another kiss. 

By the time it broke, Chester’s hand was up the back of Mike’s head, lost in his shaggy hair. “It’s going to be hard to not be distracted with you there,” he said, his lips right next to Mike’s face as he pressed a more chaste kiss to his cheek before he stepped back. “I think we should finish this when we get home.” He ran one finger down Mike’s flannel shirt front before his attention went all the way down his body, over his legs, to his feet. “Oh,” he said, an instant smile scrolling across his lips. “You’re wearing your alien socks. How cute are your feet right now?” 

Mike wiggled his toes and looked down at his feet. “I thought it was a good time for my feet to be cute. And I’m all for finishing this when we get home.” He took a step back and gave Chester a smile. “So you approve of my matching skills? I’m not going to embarrass you or anything?” He kept his voice light, but there was a small part of him that wondered what Chester’s coworkers would think of him. He was sure they expected Chester to be with someone as equally fashionable, and Mike was positive that he did not meet that expectation at all. 

Chester shook his head. “I’d never be embarrassed by you. Now come on, let’s find you some shoes to go with your cute-ass socks.” He stepped around Mike, taking his hand in the process as he pulled him into the bedroom. Their closet wasn’t as big or as nice as the one he had at Amir’s, but it was still a walk-in. For the most part. They could only take two steps in, but there were rods and shelving on all three sides of the space, and Chester had it all organized, including a shoe rack. “You need a pair with blue in them,” he thought out loud as he scanned the options, but there wasn’t a single pair of shoes on Mike’s side that had any color in them other than black or white. “We need to take you shopping,” he decided as he snatched a pair of Vans and handed them off. 

“Shopping?” Mike whined, stuffing his feet into his shoes and lacing them. “I only like shopping when it’s for you. I don’t need anything.” He straightened up, and both hands went to his hips. “It would be easier if we wore the same size of anything. Then you could shop all you wanted and I could just wear whatever you told me. I wouldn’t have to think. Kind of like now,” he explained, pointing at his small portion of the closet. “Flannels go with t-shirts which go with jeans. And I’m all set. No thinking required.” 

For half a second, Chester was in his own fantasy world where he and Mike wore the same size clothes, shoes, and belts. It would be fun to dress his boyfriend every morning, and go shopping together for shared outfits. 

But that wasn’t going to happen. Their bodies weren’t made the same, and that wasn’t going to change. “You’re hopeless,” Chester laughed instead before he announced they needed to get going. “If we’re late Talinda will have our heads,” he said as he rounded the bed and grabbed his leopard print backpack. He’d ditched his old yellow one from YRS and bought a new one when Mike had picked out all his school supplies when his first semester had started. Chester didn’t have school books in his, but it was a smaller version of the one he used to take to the house in the hills every weekend - a change of clothes, emergency snacks, and the new addition of his journal. 

He flung his backpack over one shoulder and headed for the front door. “Come on, Sexy Boy. I’m serious. We don’t call her Talinda the Tyrant for nothing.” He popped his sunglasses on as he glanced over his shoulder.

Mike grabbed his keys from the bar and patted his pocket, making sure he had his phone and wallet. “I’m ready to see this woman,” he stated seriously as they stepped out and he locked the door behind them. “I know you’ve described her to me before, but in my head she’s six feet tall and carries a whip.” His free hand went right to the small of Chester’s back as they walked down the hallway toward the stairs. “She sounds scary. Is she okay with me being there? You did tell everyone I was coming, right?” 

It was bright outside, the morning sun pouring down on them. Chester stretched his neck as they trotted down the staircase and then walked toward the parking lot. “She knows you’re coming. Forrest said you could. And he likes you,” he reminded Mike with a soft elbow to his side. “And Talinda has a clipboard, not a whip, but it’s basically the same thing. She’s very direct. And strict,” he had to add as he hit the button on his keychain to unlock his car. “But it’s her job to keep everyone on schedule, so I guess I can’t blame her. Models aren’t known for being great at staying on task.” He wiggled his eyebrows from behind his sunglasses before he opened the passenger side door for Mike to get in.

Mike snorted softly. “I can’t imagine _you_ not staying on task,” he teased. He settled into the car while Chester walked around and got in. He decided he was finished worrying about Talinda. It wouldn’t do any good to get worked up and anxious over the afternoon. “I’m excited about the puppies. I know they’ll be all wiggly and cute. Have they told you what you’ll be doing? Do you get to play with them?” Mike could hear the excitement ramping up in his voice. “I wish we could have a puppy. Then when you’re working and I’m studying I’d have a friend.”

Chester already had them headed off the campus grounds when he smiled over at his boyfriend. “A puppy would be fun, but I don’t think we have space for one. And from what I know, yeah, I’m going to be surrounded by puppies. They’re going to take some still shots, and then I’ll get to do my five seconds for the commercial. I have, like, four sentences to say.” 

“I still can’t believe you’re going to be on t.v.” Mike reached over and squeezed Chester’s thigh. “That by itself is pretty cool, even if you take the puppies out.” He started to wonder what kinds of puppies would be at the commercial shoot, and smiled as he imagined all of the fluff and wiggly butts. “I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines. Quietly,” he added, thinking about how a commercial was live action, and not still photography. He’d never watched Chester work in front of the camera without him, and that thought stuck while he tried to imagine how the afternoon would unfold. He wondered how many takes there would be, and how the directions would be delivered. He hoped everything was the way Chester said it was - on the up and up. 

Chester was quick to explain how things would go. He would have to run through hair and makeup and then get dressed in whatever outfit the humane society had picked out. There would be a lot of stopping and starting as lighting and backdrops were situated. Even though he’d never worked with animals before, he had to figure there would be a lot of puppy round up going on, and messes that would need to be taken care of in between shots. He was excited, and having Mike there to watch it all was amping that feeling up even more. 

By the time they were riding the elevator up to the tenth floor of the building Score was in, Chester was starting to feel the ball of nervous excitement in his stomach getting bigger. It was important for his career that today go perfectly, and it was just as important for Mike to approve of everything he was about to see.

The doors opened, and Chester led the way to the massive oak receptionist desk that was just outside the elevator doors. A woman with a blonde ponytail looked up to meet them.

“Hi, Chester,” she said, pulling her headset down around her neck. “Are you ready for today?” she asked, before her eyes skipped to the dark haired man right behind him. Her eyebrows raised. 

“Very excited,” Chester answered before he stepped to the side. “Elka, this is Mike Shinoda, my boyfriend. He came to watch today.” 

“I thought that was you,” she said as she stood up, offering her hand. “I recognize you from all the pictures Chester’s shown me.” 

Mike felt the hint of a blush creep over his cheeks as he shook Elka’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” The receptionist was a few inches shorter than Chester, and Mike could see his boyfriend watching them over the top of her head. “I’m excited to see where Ches works.” 

“Well Chester better give you the grand tour then,” she said before she leaned over the desk and dropped her voice, eyeing Chester. “Fair warning, Talinda’s on the warpath already. She’s not liking all the dogs running around here today.” 

The moment the words were out of Elka’s mouth, they heard a long, drawn out howl from somewhere else in the office. Chester laughed. “Okay,” he told her before he took Mike’s hand. “We’ll be careful. We’re planning on petting all the puppies.” 

“They’re cute,” Elka confirmed as she sat back down, her phone ringing. “See you guys later,” she told them quickly before pulling her headset back on and answering the phone, “Thank you for calling Score Clothing, how may I help you?” 

Mike let Chester lead the way. “Are you sure this is going to be okay?” he whispered one more time. He didn’t like the way it sounded when Elka mentioned Talinda was on the warpath. “Maybe we should just take the puppies and help them escape.” 

The front hallway turned a corner, and Chester stopped at the first room. The door was already open, the lights on. He walked right in and dropped his backpack onto one of the eight chairs sitting around a round conference table. He unzipped it to drop his sunglasses inside. “Talinda’s all bark and no bite,” he said, before he busted into laughter over his choice of words. “No pun intended,” he giggled. “So this is our...actually, I’m not sure what this room is supposed to be for.” Chester looked around like it was the first time he’d ever been there. He shrugged. “This is where we leave all our stuff.” 

“It looks like a meeting room. You don’t ever have meetings?” Mike asked, looking around. It was a very professional looking workspace, the kind of place that people would sit with cups of coffee and pastries and talk about what ads were doing well and what things needed to be changed. But he didn’t really know if Chester would participate in those types of discussions, as a model. Maybe those business meetings happened with a different team of people. 

“We have meetings, we just never have them in here. The girls keep their purses in the cabinets,” he said as he pointed to a long set of cubbies against the far wall. “And that’s actually a closet.” He twisted around to show Mike a closed door. “And if you pull out all these chairs, you’ll see everyone’s crap piled on them,” he said with a laugh. “Guess we kind of took it over. Come on,” he said, heading out the door. He only glanced over his shoulder to see Mike following him. 

They passed two closed doors before Chester pointed at the third. “The creative team works in there,” he said as they went. “They actually have meetings,” he clarified before they got to a Y shape divide. “Shower room is down there, and the dressing room is this way.” 

Mike looked all around as Chester led him through the building. He liked how bright and clean everything seemed to be, and how relaxed Chester was walking around. _He’s completely comfortable here. Like he owns the place._ The thought made him smile. It was different from the first time he’d toured YRS, and Chester had been anxious the entire time. Nothing about this day so far felt amiss, and even though they had only been at Score for five minutes, Mike could tell a difference in the atmosphere and Chester’s attitude. It was reassuring.

“Do I get to come in the dressing room with you?” he asked coyly, wrinkling his nose a little in Chester’s direction. “If anyone here knows how much I love you and always want to touch you, they might forbid it.” 

“Sure,” Chester answered easily as they stepped into the small square room. The lights were already on. “This is it. I spend a lot of time in here,” he said as he pointed to the double mirrors on the wall, the silver rack of clothes on the other side. He beelined that way. “I wonder what they’re going to have me wear?” he mumbled. He was just about to pick through what looked like five different outfits when he heard Forrest Mullan call his name. He swung around to see his boss standing in the doorway. His arms were crossed as he leaned against the doorframe rather casually in his pressed shirt and dark pants, his brown hair and mustache in their usual neat state. “Hey, boss,” Chester called as he headed that way. “Look, Mike showed up.” 

“I see that,” Forrest agreed as he stepped into the room and offered his hand. “It’s nice to see you again, Mike.” 

“You too, sir,” Mike said, shaking Forrest’s hand with a smile. “Ches has been showing me around, it’s really nice here. Thank you for letting me come and hang out today. We’re both excited about the puppies!” He stopped himself, knowing that he was rambling, and looked over at Chester for help. 

“Elka told us Talinda wasn’t happy about all the dogs, but we want some puppy snuggling time, if we can,” he told his boss with a smile. Forrest Mullan was a known animal lover, so he knew he’d be sympathetic. 

“You’ll have time to snuggle,” Forrest offered with a light chuckle. “Come on, let’s finish giving Mike the tour and then you can start getting ready.” He checked his watch. It was important they stayed on time today. 

Chester nodded as he retook Mike’s hand, and together they followed Forrest down the hallway and into the great room, where the windows stretched across the outside wall. The double couches were in place, along with a few extra chairs. A buffet table stretched below the city view while a dozen people ambled around the room, most of whom Chester knew. They were score employees - lighting techs, one of the camera guys, and Sandy, a model for Score’s young women’s line. He spotted Talinda, and then Julia Vox from the humane society, and he knew he needed to go say hello to her before he was rushed off to hair and makeup. But first he wanted to show Mike around their biggest social room, the room he and Ryan spent a lot of time in shaking hands and smiling. “Mike, look,” Chester said as they stopped and he pointed out the windows first. 

The view was spectacular, and Mike’s eyes scanned over what he could see of the city. “This is amazing,” he whispered to Chester, squeezing his hand. They were up high and there was a lot to look at. He looked at the tops of buildings and over them, and in the distance he could see the ocean and where it blended into the sky. “Now I know how you could be distracted here. I think it would be hard to concentrate with this view.” 

“Thankfully this is a gathering room. This is where we rub all the important elbows, so it’s nice to have the view to look at in between conversations.” Chester tugged on Mike’s hand, pulling him forward toward the snack table. There was an assortment of dainty cakes, each in their own cupcake type wrappers, along with something else that Chester was quick to point out. “You have to try these,” he said, swiping one of the little papers up. “It’s strawberries and tofu drizzled in chocolate sauce. Sounds gross, but they’re really good. We always have them.” 

Mike Shinoda was not a man who replaced real food with tofu, and frowned at the little paper cups. “Tofu? Ches… really?” He tried to keep his voice low as he copied Chester’s actions and picked up one of the offensive sounding snacks. He eyed the strawberries and tofu like it was a cup of bugs. The idea of eating it was unpleasant, but Chester was watching, and Mike didn’t want to disappoint him. He brought the paper cup to his lips and tipped the contents into his mouth all at once, deciding to just get it over with. To his surprise, it wasn’t awful. But it wasn’t cupcakes, or muffins, or anything else that Mike liked to see in a paper cupcake wrapper. He forced down the bite and offered Chester a smile. “It’s not bad.” 

“We eat a lot of tofu around here,” Chester mentioned after he swallowed his bite. “You get used to it.” He took Mike’s wrapper and tossed both in the little gold rimmed wastebasket nearby. “All the other ones are cakes, take your pick,” he said, pointing at the table before he motioned to the rows of champagne flutes at the end. “The ones with gold around the tops have champagne in them,” he told his boyfriend. “The plain ones are water, and the others are orange juice. Straight orange juice. You can have whatever you want, it’s all free for everyone.” 

It was another stark difference to YRS, and Mike felt more at ease with everything Chester showed him, or told him, about Score. He remembered how everything at YRS had alcohol in it, and how little choice they’d all had in what was offered to drink. He reached out and snagged an orange juice and looked over the cakes. “You can’t leave me alone in here with all these cakes. This is dangerous.” 

Chester let go of Mike’s hand to slide his arm around his waist. He kissed his cheek. “Try the carrot cake,” he said, nodding toward a piece with white icing and a delicate orange carrot decoration on top. “They’re my favorite.” 

Mike didn’t have to be told twice. Sampling each of the tiny cakes was now on his agenda for the day. “Okay. I love cake.” It didn’t matter what kind of cake. He loved all cakes. He selected the perfect looking square of carrot cake and plucked it from the middle of the display, then took a bite. There was a perfect amount of cream cheese icing on the cake, and Mike didn’t even realize that his eyes were closed as he chewed. “This is super good,” he told Chester after he swallowed his bite. The cake was only enough for two bites, and he was already wondering if he’d look like a pig if he had two right now. 

“They’re delicious, but always so damn small.” Chester reached for Mike’s orange juice and took a quick sip before he handed it back. “Come on, you can have more later. I have to go say hi to Ms. Vox, and then I’ll introduce you to Talinda. She’ll probably rush me out of here as soon as she sees me, so we gotta hurry.” He nodded towards the right side of the room, where Talinda was standing with her clipboard pressed to the front of her black jacket that matched her pinstriped pants and heels and then he was leading Mike to the other side of the room. “Julia Vox is the head of the humane society. She’s the one that picked me for the ads,” Chester whispered to Mike. Julia was right by the giant still shots of all the current Score models, talking with a man Chester didn’t recognize. He had to figure he was someone else from the humane society. 

Mike gave a last lingering look at the cake table and silently promised that he’d return. “I’m following you, babe,” he replied as he trailed behind his boyfriend. So far things seemed to be going well, and the carrot cake had gotten rid of the tasteless tofu that somehow he could still feel on his tongue. He knew he didn’t have to say much, just be at Chester’s side. It was obvious that Chester was in his element, and Mike didn’t want to mess anything up by saying too much, or saying something stupid. 

Chester stood back and waited for Ms. Vox to finish her conversation. She had a champagne flute in hand when she turned to see him. Her face lit up. “Chester,” she said, her hand going out to shake. 

“Hello, Ms. Vox,” he said politely as they shook. “It’s nice to see you again.” 

“I feel the same,” she stated before she looked him up and down. It had been a month since she’d last seen the Score model, and he was just as handsome as she remembered. He was perfect for what she was going for in the newest ad campaign for the shelters. “Are you ready to take some great photos with the dogs?” 

“Oh, you bet,” Chester answered before he turned. “Ms Vox, this is Mike Shinoda,” he told her. “My boyfriend. He came to watch.” 

Julia was instantly intrigued. She knew Chester had a boyfriend, but she hadn’t been expecting to meet him. He wasn’t quite what she’d expected Chester’s partner to look like, but it was clear there was a bond between them, just from the few moments she’d observed so far. “Hello, Mike,” she said, offering her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Mike responded with a smile. “I’m excited to see how this all works today,” he went on before he stopped himself and glanced at Chester. “When Ches said there were going to be puppies I knew I had to see this.” 

Julia looked between the two of them. “You call him ‘Ches’, that’s so endearing,” she said before her mind switched gears. “And the puppies are adorable. We picked out six for you to work with today, Chester. And, I want you both to keep in mind that all the dogs in today’s shoot are up for adoption.” 

Mike couldn’t help the gasp and the look he shot Chester the second the words “up for adoption” came out of Julia’s mouth. He knew they couldn’t get a puppy, but there was a very, very small part of him that hoped the two of them wouldn’t be able to say no to each other. Sometimes things happened that way. They would promise no dessert, and then Mike would look at Chester a certain way, and then there would be brownies. Or they would decide that Mike really needed to study, but then Chester would sit close to him and barely touch his arm, and that would end study time in favor of fooling around. For just a minute, Mike hoped that he’d show Chester the perfect puppy and his boyfriend would start off telling him that they couldn’t have a puppy in the apartment, and then they’d be figuring out how to smuggle one in together. 

“Not sure we have room for a dog right now,” Chester said, even as he smiled at Ms. Vox. “But Forrest is a huge animal lover. I’d bet my next paycheck he’ll make sure all six of them find homes at Score employee’s homes before the day is over. He’s just like that.”

“He’s a good man,” Julia agreed. “And he runs an excellent company. There he is now. Excuse me, Chester, Mike, I’m going to go say hello to him.” 

Before Chester could say goodbye, Julia Vox was across the room to grab Forrest Mullan before he could get into another conversation. “She’s nice,” he said a little absently before he looked at Mike. “Sexy Boy,” he said with a sigh, “I know what you’re thinking. We haven’t even seen the puppies yet.”

“I know,” Mike pouted. “You know how cute they’re gonna be, though. And they all need homes. Little homeless puppies.” He threw Chester his sad eyes. “It’s not my fault I’m already convinced of the humane society’s need for adoptive homes, just by you standing here. You’re already an excellent spokesperson. If they didn’t want me to adopt a puppy, they shouldn’t have put you in charge of making people want puppies.” 

It was the most pathetic I-want speech Mike had ever given him, and already Chester felt his resolve fade a little. “Buttering me up will get you far,” he snickered with a light kiss to Mike’s ear. “Let’s just not make any rash decisions.” He let out a sigh. He was already feeling like he was losing the puppy-battle. “Come on, time to go meet Talinda.” 

Mike tried to hide his smile. He could tell Chester wanted a puppy, too. It didn’t matter that they weren’t supposed to have animals in the apartments. He knew there were a few cats here and there, and besides all of that, Chester wasn’t supposed to be there either. _Maybe there will be a little dog. Even though I love labs. Well, I love all dogs. But a lab would take up the whole bedroom. Stupid small apartment._ “Okay, take me to Talinda,” he said, lifting his chin a little and squaring his shoulders. “I’m ready.” 

It seemed important to hold Mike’s hand as he led the way across the room. He didn’t have to stand back to wait this time. The moment he was headed her way, Talinda turned and stared him down. She was already lifting her watch and pointing at it. 

“I’m not late,” Chester protested the moment he was within speaking distance. “We’ve been here for twenty minutes. Forrest will vouch for us. Um, Talinda, this is Mike Shinoda.” He knew she knew his name, there was no reason to add the boyfriend tag. 

Talinda’s impatient look vanished as she looked Mike up and down. She’d heard a lot about him, both from Chester and Ryan. “Well, so you’re Mike,” she said, crossing her arms over her clipboard as she held it. “It’s nice to finally see you in person.” She reached out her hand to shake, even as she tried to picture him with Ryan’s Jason. Their similar features and Japanese trademarks struck her immediately. 

Mike squeezed Chester’s hand a little tighter as he reached to reciprocate Talinda’s handshake. “It’s nice to meet you,” he returned politely, even though he felt a little uncomfortable under her stare. “Ches talks about you all the time.”

Talinda made sure to make her handshake firm before she let him go. “Oh really? All good things, I hope.” She quickly eyed Chester as he threw up his free hand and claimed innocence. “Just remember that someone has to keep this ship moving or nothing would ever get done. And look at this,” she complained as she wiped dog hair from her jacket. “I know this is all for a good cause, and I’m grateful we’re getting the opportunity to work with the humane society, but I’ll be glad when today is over. Our office is no place for puppies.” 

“Where are they?” Chester asked as he looked around. “We heard them howling earlier, but haven’t seen them yet.” He glanced at Mike, before he realized Talinda was already walking. He pulled on Mike’s hand so they could get going to keep up. Talinda was a power walker, even in heels. 

“They’re in Forrest’s office, since it’s right off the studio room. Which is good. They were running around everywhere earlier and I was about to lose it,” she stated over her shoulder, making sure her model was keeping up. She needed to get him to hair and makeup and then dressed if they were going to stay on schedule. 

“I bet Forrest loves that, an office full of puppies,” Chester laughed as they rounded another corner to get to hair and makeup. 

Mike wanted to tell Chester that Talinda walked fast, but he decided to stay silent. This wasn’t about him, and if he wanted a shot at bringing home a puppy, he was going to have to keep Chester in a good mood. Talking about Talinda within earshot probably wasn’t a great idea. He followed the pair into the room that Chester was going to be getting ready in, and stopped inside the door. The lights were bright, and there were mirrors everywhere. He wasn’t sure where to stand. 

“Mike, you can sit over there. We won’t be in here long,” Chester explained. He kissed him quickly and then let go of his hand. He made his way over to one of the beauty salon looking chairs and sat down, just as Kim walked in the room. She was Score’s best hair and makeup artist. 

Mike nodded and sat in the chair Chester pointed to. He noticed that Talinda didn’t pay him any attention, and he was glad while he watched her fuss over Chester’s look and her clipboard. _All of this part looks fun. Even if it’s a little weird to see this woman putting makeup on him. I know it’s for the cameras and stuff. I wonder if they’ve ever put eyeliner on him? He looks hot in eyeliner._ Mike let his thoughts drift around while he tried not to spin back and forth in the chair. He could recall a handful of times Chester had put on eyeliner, and thought about requesting that again sometime soon. It brought a lot of good memories to mind, and before he knew it, Chester was out of the chair, makeup evidently complete. “Already done?” he asked, sliding out of the slick chair.

“Mhm,” Chester answered. “Now I’ll get dressed and then it will be puppy time.” He nodded for Mike to follow him back out into the hallway. Talinda was still in the hair and makeup room as they walked into the square dressing room Chester had shown Mike earlier. “Pick your seat,” he said, motioning to the half a dozen folding chairs sitting around the smaller space. “This is the fun part.” He was already headed for the rack of outfits. He wanted to look through them all before Talinda came in to tell him which one he’d be wearing. 

“Oh, do you get to pick?” Mike asked as he settled into the middle chair that gave him the best view of the room. “Do they build in an extra half hour for you to match your accessories?” he teased, crossing one ankle over his knee and grinning at his boyfriend’s backside. 

“Mike, please,” Chester said as he turned around and pressed his hand to his chest. “I wish I had that much say over what I wear. See?” he said, pointing to the rack. “Each outfit is complete. Shirt, pants, shoes, belt, and sometimes there’s extra stuff like watches or sunglasses or whatever. It’s all planned.” He shrugged before he started to fiddle with his rose gold I.D. bracelet. “I always have to take it off,” he mentioned when he saw the look on Mike’s face. “It’s not part of the look.”

Mike pulled in his bottom lip and chewed on it for a second while he watched Chester. Somehow it had never occurred to him that the bracelet had to go during his photo shoots. Mike never took his off. “I guess you have a safe place to leave it,” he commented lightly. “I could hold it for you today, if you want. Or you could just put it on me,” he added, holding up his wrist. “They can be reunited for a little while, until you’re finished.”

Chester smiled as he crossed the room. “I like that.” He bent down on one knee, and looped the bracelet around Mike’s wrist, buckling the clasp. “Now it just looks like you have a thing for I.D. bracelets,” he giggled before he looked up into Mike’s dark eyes. His hand went right to his knee and squeezed. 

“I only have a thing for you,” Mike whispered, leaning forward and touching Chester’s cheek. “I’ll wear it for you til you can have it back.” He didn’t know if it was inappropriate or not, but he didn’t care as he coaxed Chester close enough to kiss. Mike made sure to keep it quick, despite wanting to let his tongue play with Chester’s lip ring a little. His lover was working, and he didn’t want to get him into trouble. With a sigh he sat back and scrunched his nose at Chester. “You better get over there and get dressed, now.”

“I can’t,” Chester said coyly, his hand drifting slightly up Mike’s leg, even though he knew that was as far as things could go. “I have to wait for Talinda to -”

“Chester!” Talinda almost yelled as she stepped into the room. “Why are you on the floor? Get up,” she begged as she marched across the room with her clipboard. “I swear today is going to kill me.” 

“I’m up, I’m up,” Chester rushed to tell her as he stood up. He took the time to plop a quick kiss to Mike’s cheek, and then his attention was on the task at hand. “And you’ve got to get into the puppy mood, Talinda. Just go with it.”

She let out a sigh, her staunch posture loosening up a little. “I know. I’m trying. It’s just out of the ordinary and you know how it is,” she said, turning pleading eyes to Chester. “Things go off schedule or out of order and it’s hard to handle.” 

It was an honest admission, and she trusted Chester with it. She knew him well enough by now. “Anyway,” she said, turning to the line of outfits. “They want you in white. You’re supposed to look like a respectable young man.” 

“I _am_ a respectable young man,” he protested, his hands going to his hips.

“Of course you are, and now you need to look like it. Here,” she said, shoving all the hangers to one side, leaving only one set of shirt and jeans by themselves. “Put these on. I’ll be back to check on you.” 

“Okay,” Chester agreed easily as he took the shirt down first. It was heavy material, even though it was short sleeved, with powder blue stitching and a little sparrow on the breast pocket. He heard the door shut, and he and Mike were alone. “See? She’s not so bad,” he said as he hung the shirt back up so he could get undressed. 

“She acts like I’m invisible,” Mike commented, though it didn’t really bother him. He was ready to watch Chester get dressed. “I kind of like this part. The part where I get to watch you get naked.” He grinned from across the space. Chester was more than an arms length away, and therefore safe from Mike grabbing him and making the undressing and redressing part take too long. “I’m totally ready. You can toss your clothes my way.” 

Chester was all smiles as he pulled his tank top over his head. “That’s tempting, Sexy Boy, but it would feel a little too much like stripping. You get me started and I’ll be dancing my little ass all over this room. It wouldn’t be good.” He shook his head before he folded his shirt and left it on the nearest chair. He toed off his shoes next, and then pulled his pink and black socks off, too, before he undid his jeans, getting down to just underwear. 

Mike sighed. As much as he wanted to argue that he could behave, even if Chester was stripping and dancing, he knew that he needed to respect the dressing room as part of Chester’s work space. “Fine, I’ll just sit over here and think about puppies. I won’t think about how your pink and black socks make me think of some _other_ pink and black socks you own. Or how cute your little ass looks in that underwear.” He dropped his voice a little and said, “or how I’d lick your nipples if you were closer.” Mike batted his eyes at his boyfriend and returned to his normal tone of voice. “I’ll just sit over here and not think about any of that.” 

Chester pulled his assigned jeans up. They were a slightly looser cut than normal, with no holes or tasteful rips. There were a few lines of distress across the front of the thighs, but that was all. _Right. I’m a respectable young man._ He flashed Mike a grin. “You’re awful, you know that? Don’t tempt me to come over there just to get my nipples licked. I fucking will,” he teased before he took the black studded belt from the rack and laced it through his belt loops. “These jeans are loose on me,” he complained. “They’re like something you would wear.”

It reminded Mike of the time Chester _had_ worn his clothes. “And you look adorable in them,” he said. “Less sexy model and more casual hanging-out-with-my-boyfriend-and-puppies. You can’t get on the floor and play with puppies in tight jeans. I approve of the relaxed pants look on you.” He watched Chester buckle the belt to help keep the pants around his hips. “It makes me want to dress you up in my clothes again. Flannel and all.” He shifted around in his seat and watched Chester reach for his shirt. It was a shame to put that shirt on and cover up all of the skin Mike wanted to lick. 

Chester pulled the shirt on over his head with a snort. “Notice all the lack of flannel on this rack,” he said in an ornery tone. “And you’re right. If I’m down on the floor crawling around with puppies, looser pants is probably a good thing.” He took a pair of white socks next, and a pair of black shoes that had an extra bit of outer sole on them and sat down in one of the chairs. He pulled his socks on quickly before working on his trendy shoes, admiring them as he went, and checking for a brand name. If they were comfortable, he might have to get a pair. Or see if Forrest would let him take these home with him today. 

“I see you eyeing those shoes,” Mike warned. “Chester, we don’t have room for any more shoes.” 

Chester’s mouth dropped open. Sometimes Mike knew him too well. “I was not,” he lied, just as someone knocked on the door. He already knew it was Talinda, and he hollered for her to come in. 

She crossed the room after shutting the door behind her. “Good,” she said, looking him over as he stood up. “I think that looks nice on you.” She motioned for him to turn around, and he did. She stuck her clipboard under her arm so she would have both hands to straighten out his shirt and wipe him down, first on the back and then across his shoulders. “What do you think, Mike?” she asked, turning Chester to face his boyfriend. “Does this outfit scream adopt a puppy?” 

“It absolutely makes me want to adopt a puppy,” Mike answered, winking at Chester. “In fact, I would think anyone would have a hard time saying no to him.” 

Talinda nodded in agreement. Chester looked good - respectable - and she could only hope the humane society reps would think so, too. “Okay,” she said with a heavy sigh. “Let’s get out there.” 

She led the way, and Chester motioned for Mike to get up and follow. They weaved their way around the building, passing back through the great room where all the food and people were, and then down another hallway. 

“That’s where we eat,” Chester said as they passed an open doorway, showing off a long table that could sit sixteen.

Mike felt his stomach rumble at the mention of food, despite the nasty tofu strawberry and delicious cake bite he’d eaten. “That’s where you get your tofu, huh?” he teased, trying to keep his voice out of Talinda’s earshot. 

“More often than I’d like,” Chester said, elbowing Mike lightly as they went. A few steps later and Talinda opened a door that had a printed sign on it that said _Studio A_. Chester stopped and pointed to it. “I’m not sure why it’s ‘A’,” he admitted with a shrug. “It’s the only one we have.” 

The sound of living things - wiggly, adorable animals - was apparent as soon as they stepped into the room. Mike scanned across the space quickly and felt his excitement escalate at the sight of the large enclosure at one side of the room. Behind the gate were the puppies, tumbling about on the floor with each other. There were so many Mike didn’t know which one he wanted to play with first. All of them had tiny fluffy faces and happily wagging tails, and there were several people around the pen laughing and watching them play. “Ches, look!” He pointed away from what looked like the filming area, set up with lights and cameras, and at the puppies. “They’re so cute!” 

They _were_ cute, but Chester waited a minute before he got excited. He looked around and spotted Talinda. She was with Forrest, the two of them in front of the sky blue screen, which ran seamlessly from the floor up the wall. Chester knew that was where he would be sitting when he got attacked by puppies, and somehow he’d have to manage to say his lines. 

But it wasn’t time for that yet. He knew by the animations of his boss and Talinda, the way they were pointing and looking at the cameras and the lights. Things weren’t perfect yet, and until they were, shooting wouldn’t happen. 

“We can go look,” Chester finally said as he nodded toward the pack of puppies, and now his grin was in place. “Look at the white collie looking one,” he said as he pointed toward one of the puppies up front by all the people. The dog was mostly white with a brown splotch here and there and perky ears. “I bet he’ll be big when he grows up,” Chester mentioned as they headed across the studio.

“I love big dogs,” Mike commented back happily. “They’re so goofy. I bet you’re right. That one will be big and fluffy. And oh! There’s a yellow lab puppy!” Mike felt his heart falling for the dogs already. “Labs are so smart. Gosh, there’s so many of them. I have no idea how they’re going to keep them all on that blue mat with you.” He reached for Chester’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “They’re going to be all over you.” 

“It’s going to be fun,” Chester said, not really to Mike, but to the air as they stepped up to join the handful of people. The puppies were pressing against the gate, up on their hindlegs, or rolling over on their backs, like they were _trying_ to be cute. Chester recognized a few people from Score, and they acknowledged each other with head nods and smiles. The other two people were from the humane society, and clearly in charge of the puppies. 

Chester tugged on Mike’s hand, pulling them forward as they squeezed to the front, right by the gate. “Look at the feet on the lab,” he told Mike as he pointed. “He’ll be huge! And his floppy ears,” he laughed as the puppy shoved one paw over his head and then fell over, like he couldn’t quite balance his weight yet, his oversized puppy paw throwing him off. 

They were right up next to the pen, and several of the puppies seemed to sense that there were new people close by. Mike watched them scamper over, and his eyes were drawn to a tiny ball of black and brown fur, the smallest puppy in the group. “Hey there, girl,” he cooed, bending over to look closer. He wasn’t sure, but he thought the dog was some sort of terrier, a very small one. Its black eyes were surrounded by lighter brown fur that was sort of long, and falling over into its eyes. _Kind of like my hair._ The puppy had perky ears and a small black nose, and she put her front paws up on the gate as though she were also trying to look closer at Mike. He wanted to scoop her up. “Ches, look at this one! Look at her little tongue! It’s like it’s too long for her mouth!”

Chester pulled his attention away from the bigger, more rambunctious dogs to check out the one Mike was pointing to. The tiny, rough-coated dog was up on her hindlegs, her little tail wagging as Mike bent over to pet her. “She looks really sweet,” he said, before he turned to find one of the puppy-keepers. “Is it okay if we pick this one up?” he asked her while he pointed to the ball of brown and black fluff. He knew Mike wanted to hold at least one of the puppies, and this one was small. She would be perfect for his boyfriend to scoop up for a minute before it would be time to get to work. 

The moment the woman said it was okay, Chester turned to Mike. “Go ahead, she said it was alright.” 

Mike didn’t hesitate. He let go of Chester’s hand and reached down, letting the puppy smell his skin before he carefully scooped her up. She hardly weighed anything, and Mike could feel her little heart beating furiously under his hand. “Aw, Ches, she’s scared,” he said, cuddling the puppy close to his chest. Her wiggles calmed quickly and Mike looked down to see the puppy looking back up at him with those black eyes, and the tip of her pink tongue still hanging out. “Oh my god, I love her.”

Before Chester could even get a word out, the humane society worker reminded them that all the puppies were adoptable. “They keep telling us that,” he whispered as he reached over. He didn’t have a lot of experience with dogs, but he knew enough to let her sniff him first. It only took a second and her cold, wet nose was replaced by her warm tongue as she gave his hand a lick or two. “She kissed me,” Chester said with an amused smile. “She’s a lot softer than she looks,” he added as he petted over her head and down her back. 

“She’s just a little ball of fur,” Mike whispered back. “An adorable ball of fur. Of course she kissed you. You’re very kissable.” He wanted to lean closer and kiss his boyfriend, but Mike didn’t know if that was okay. After all, they were at Chester’s work, not at home. He smiled instead, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip as Chester’s hand brushed his own. Together their hands covered the puppy completely. “I hope you get to hold this one,” he decided, scratching right behind one triangular ear. 

“She’s a lot calmer than the other ones, so maybe.” Chester glanced back down at the pack. Some of them were laying down now, yawning and sprawling out, like all the activity had tired them out already. “Guess they’re going to take a nap before we work,” he told Mike as he pointed to the white collie that had snuggled up to the yellow lab. 

Mike didn’t want to return his puppy to the pen with the others. “That’s probably good, that they’re tired. You don’t want them running everywhere.” He looked down and could almost swear his puppy was smiling at him. “This has to be the cutest dog I’ve ever seen. And I’m not really a small dog person. My mom liked small dogs.” Mike shook away the thought of his mother’s toy poodles. “You could just live right inside my closet, huh? Yes, you could,” he told the puppy as he leaned his face closer to her.

Chester’s jaw dropped. “The closet?” he asked, like he was in shock. “But, but you just told me we didn’t have room for another pair of shoes.” He pointed down to the stylish black ones on his feet. “Now you’re making room for the puppy?” He looked at the little terrier, and his panic calmed down a few beats as she looked over at him, her tongue barely sticking out. 

“Well, I mean, not _really_ ,” Mike backpedaled, looking over at his boyfriend. “Everyone knows you can’t let a dog live in the closet. They’d eat all the shoes.”

Chester gasped again, his hand pressed to his shirt. “Mike, how could you even say that?” He looked down at the dog. “You wouldn’t eat my shoes, would you?” He feathered his fingers lightly over her head and smiled. “Of course you wouldn’t. Besides, the closet would be a puppy-free zone. Can’t be tempting you.” 

It almost felt like approval to keep the puppy, and Mike smiled. “I don’t think her mouth is big enough to chew on shoes. She’s a little princess. She’d need a cushiony bed and she could sleep right next to me on the floor. Yes, you could,” he said again to the puppy, delighted when she stuck her tongue out and licked his hand. The happiness lasted another few seconds before he sighed. “You could if we could have a puppy. I’d take you home in a heartbeat.” 

Chester’s smile faded as he listened to Mike talk to the dog in his arms. He gingerly laid his hand on the small of Mike’s back, trying to be a comfort, just before he heard Forrest calling his name. He looked over right when his boss stepped up to join them. 

“Did you two pick out a puppy to adopt?” he asked as he eyed the little ball of fur cradled in Mike’s arm. “He’s a cute one,” he offered before he reached to have a turn at showering the mixed terrier with a little attention. 

“He’s a she,” Chester said before his shoulders slumped. “And I’m not sure if we can right now.” He looked at Mike. He wasn’t sure exactly what the campus rules were, but he knew his boyfriend did. 

“We’re not really allowed to have animals,” Mike offered, petting the terrier one more time and then leaning over to set her down carefully in the pen. As soon as her small feet hit the floor she turned around and was up on her back legs again, front paws on the side of the enclosure that was easily twice as tall as she could reach. “Some people have cats, even though we’re not supposed to.” He couldn’t help himself. He reached back into the pen to pet the puppy’s head again. 

Forrest watched thoughtfully as Chester joined in to lavish affection on the small dog. “Well, I’ll let you two figure it out. I’m donating the cost for all the adoption fees for every Score employee who takes one home today. Chester, that includes you.” 

Chester twisted around. “That’s really nice of you.” He knew he and Mike probably weren’t going to be able to take one, since, like Mike said, they weren’t supposed to have animals in their apartment, but he was thrilled over the idea that the little terrier might get a home by the end of the day. 

“It’s the least I can do,” Forrest said with an honest smile and nod. “All of these little guys need a good home, and that’s what we’re here for today. So when you’re ready,” he stated, motioning over the pen of puppies, “we can use you over on set for the final lighting test, and then we’ll get started.” 

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Chester answered. He watched as Forrest headed back across the room before he turned to Mike. “You can stay over here, if you want,” he told him, a hand going to his lover’s shoulder. “I’ll be over there for a few minutes while they get everything right.” He leaned in closer, his lips close to Mike’s ear. “A lot like at YRS, gotta fix the lights and angles.” 

Mike’s head snapped up at the mention of YRS. Even after all this time, it still shocked him to hear Chester speak of it so easily. The reality of it felt so far away, like it had happened to other people. “Right,” he managed, looking over Chester’s shoulder at the set up again. _Totally harmless, out here with everyone. And puppies. It’s literally nothing like YRS._ He plopped a quick kiss to Chester’s lips. “I’ll be right here,” he agreed. He was going to keep an eye on his terrier, and make sure that whoever snapped her up looked nice and like they would take good care of her. She was still by Mike’s side of the pen, but had decided to lay down. 

“Okay. Wander over when you get bored.” Chester gave the little pup another look. “Not that that will happen,” he said with a chuckle and a squeeze to Mike’s arm, and then he was off. He had work to do. Even though it was going to be fun, and very shortly he was going to have _all_ the puppies climbing all over him, he was determined to keep his professionalism at the forefront. Talinda and Forrest had both pounded it into his head that one gig could easily lead to more, if the clients liked you.

Forrest instructed him on where to sit, and Julia Vox was in front of him next. She quickly went over how things would go while the lights and angles were finalized. It was decided they would do the still shots first. One or two puppies at a time would be brought out, and pictures would be taken of Chester holding them, or sitting with them on his lap. The pictures would serve as ads, in magazines and on billboards, with the humane society’s wording under them that encouraged people to adopt, to donate, to get involved. 

Chester sat down on the blue mat. He watched as Mike left the pen of puppies to come closer, and he was relieved when Talinda stepped over to stand with him. _Good. I hope she talks to him a little. I know she’s stressed, but I want Mike to have a good feeling about her. She’s been a good friend ever since all the mess with Ry started._

The image of Ryan’s face, with his shining blue eyes and dark scruffy facial hair popped into his mind. His expression dropped along with his shoulders. Ryan hadn’t come to watch. When Chester mentioned it to him the week before, he’d said he would come and be supportive and pet all the puppies, since he loved dogs. But he hadn’t shown up. There had been no phone call or text to say why or to even say he was sorry he wasn’t going to make it.

“Chester?” 

He looked up to see Forrest standing close, and then his boss crouched down in front of him. “Hey, you okay?” 

Chester let out a long breath. “Yeah. Sorry, Forrest, just got into my head for a second. I’m alright.” He pushed a smile, but when he saw Mike’s concerned face over his boss’s shoulder, a real smile showed up instead. “I’m ready to pose with some puppies,” he offered, switching gears to work mode. 

Forrest reached out and patted Chester’s shoulder. “Okay. Don’t be nervous. You look great and the puppies are adorable and I can already tell Julia Vox is going to be very pleased.” 

Mike watched Chester getting situated, half of his attention on his boyfriend and the other half on his puppy. She was laying down, like they had worn her out with cuddles and one-sided conversation. He hoped Chester would get to hold her for one of the pictures, and he looked sideways at Talinda. _I could mention it to her, maybe she gets some say in what happens._ Mike pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed on it while he thought. He wasn’t sure he wanted to initiate a conversation with the intimidating woman. 

Across the room, Chester was smiling and happy. It made Mike’s heart lift to see him at work in this environment. Everything about Score was so much better than YRS. Forrest was a genuinely nice person and a good boss, and there were no red flags popping up for Mike the way it had happened on his first visit to YRS. _I ignored all of them, too,_ he thought, rolling his eyes at himself. _I should have spoken up. I like this place so much better. Everything about it feels better._

Mike took a deep breath and smiled tentatively in Talinda’s direction. “So, what’s going to happen first? Ches says your clipboard holds all the power around here, schedules and plans and stuff.” He motioned at the clipboard and then at the puppies. “When will they get to come out and play?” 

It was such an innocent sounding question, and Talinda smiled back. “They’re almost done with the lighting. We’re going to do some still shots first before the big moment with all the dogs for the commercial.” She turned and looked back toward the pen of puppies before inspecting her clipboard. “Looks like we’re going to do four different solo photos today. A different dog for each one.” She pressed her clipboard back against her chest, her arms wrapped around it like it was precious. “The humane society board members will pick out which pictures they want to use. Maybe one, maybe all four. The more options they pick up, the more money Chester will get. He’s paid by the picture.”

Mike knew Chester would hope they picked all four. Not necessarily because of the money, but because it would mean that he’d done a good job for them. _The money is good, though. Really good._ “I hope they use this little terrier,” he said, pointing at the puppy he was in love with. “I think she’s the cutest one of the whole bunch.” 

Talinda scanned over the pack. “Julia Vox will pick which ones are used,” she said, lowering her voice as she pointed. “But it’s a good chance that one will be picked. She’s the smallest. And the yellow one or the white shaggy one, probably,” she guessed. “It’s all about variety. The smallest, the biggest, the goofiest.” She shrugged. 

Mike nodded. He was ready to see how it all worked out in front of the camera. There were many days that he couldn’t believe his luck when it came to Chester, that his boyfriend was always the hottest one in the room. Mike loved knowing that no matter what, Chester would be going home with him. They had been through enough at this point that he didn’t feel jealous when heads turned and Chester got attention from others. “Well, I’m ready,” Mike commented, “and I don’t want to be in the way or anything. I’ll stay over with the puppies, I think.” 

“You’re not in the way,” Talinda assured him. “I think it’s great you’re here. I know it means a lot to Chester. Things have been so hard with Ryan lately,” she mentioned gently. She knew that Chester was keeping his boyfriend in the loop about all things going wrong with Ryan Shuck lately, and she felt confident enough to bring it up. After all, they were all worried about him. “This is going to be good for Chester,” she added. “He’s a hard worker, and a natural in front of the camera.” 

Before Mike could say anything to that, they both turned to watch Julia Vox head across the room and stop in front of the puppies. “She’ll pick one at a time,” Talinda whispered, and a moment later the white collie Chester had pointed out earlier was let out of the pen. It bounced around, happy to be free, and every single person in the room smiled as he wagged his tail and ran circles around Julia’s legs as she coaxed him over to the mat. 

“Call him, Chester!” she suggested. “Pat your hands on the mat.” 

Chester nodded, his face lit up with a smile as he smacked both hands on the mat. “Come here, boy! Come on! Come here!” 

The white collie didn’t hesitate. Chester was on the floor - on his level - and he bounded across the room and right into Chester’s lap. Kisses and tumbles followed as Chester wrapped his arms around him, petting him all over. 

“He’s really perfect for this,” Mike giggled. He was itching to join Chester to play with the puppies, and it was hard to stand back. He reminded himself Chester was working, it wasn’t just the two of them out to the shelter to play with the puppies on their own time. He looked at the pen, and how excited the other dogs were again, now that one of them had been let out. His little terrier was trying to climb up the side of the pen again. Mike hoped she’d get let out next. 

It didn’t take long. The lighting and angles had already been worked out, so the photographs came rapidly. Forrest called out the directions, along with Julia. They had Chester sit with the collie beside him, his arm around the dog’s back. Then the dog was in his lap, and there was one that involved a wet doggie kiss. 

It only took a few minutes, and the collie was led away by one of the puppy handlers. She returned him to the pen, and brought out the yellow lab next. The same round of events happened, a half a dozen shots taken, and then again with a smaller puppy that looked like it was part dachshund. 

Mike watched as one after the other, puppies went to have their picture taken with Chester, and his little terrier was left behind. He really wanted her to be picked, and he also really wanted to take her home when the shoot was over. He wasn’t positive, but he felt confident that she wouldn’t get much bigger than she was right now. Mike could imagine picking her up and tucking her under his arm to take her up and down the apartment stairs. He’d already decided where her little bed could go, and thought about where they could leave a water bowl. _No way it would be the first dog someone had kept in those apartments. And she hasn’t barked once while we’ve been here. I bet she’s quiet. I bet we could hide her, if Ches wants her, too. We’d have a puppy together!_

It was an exciting thought, and Mike wished he could walk over and talk to Chester about it. They made eye contact from across the room as the third puppy was led back to the pen, and Mike silently tried to tell Chester that he wanted a puppy with his eyes.

“Look, Mike,” Talinda said with a little nudge to his arm. “You’re getting your wish.” She nodded back toward the pen, where the little black and brown terrier was picked up next and walked across the room. 

“This one’s little,” the puppy handler said as she handed over the tiny ball of fur, “but she already likes you.” 

“She’s the cutest one,” Chester offered as the terrier was handed off to him. “Hey, gorgeous,” he whispered to her as he carefully petted her back and kissed her on the head. He heard the camera click as pictures started. 

Mike was squirming with impatience. “I want to pet her, too!” he whispered to Talinda. “I picked her out. She’s the one I want.” He didn’t care that he’d told Forrest they couldn’t have a puppy. He had puppy fever in the worst way, and watching Chester love on the tiny terrier was too much. He wanted to take her home and sit on the couch with his boyfriend and the dog, and play for the rest of the day. He couldn’t decide if she needed a red collar or a pink one, but he knew Chester would have an opinion. “We’re going to take her home,” he declared. 

Talinda was busy watching her model. Chester looked great. His chocolate curls gave him just the right flair - that innocent but still in style look - and his clothes looked fantastic. His eyes were shining under the lights, giving him a youthful, healthy glow. The ads were going to be perfect, and every time she glanced over at Julia Vox, she was even more sure of that fact. 

But Mike’s declaration caught her ear. “You guys are going to adopt one? Forrest will be thrilled,” she said with a short eye roll. “He’s been on a mission this entire week talking with everyone about doing their part and finding all these dogs homes. If you guys take one, that will be one less he’ll end up with at his house. He’s a dog person.” 

“Well, we’ll have to be smart about it. I’m not allowed to have one, technically. But, _technically_ Chester shouldn’t be living with me either.” Mike stopped, wondering if Talinda even knew about their living situation. “Campus rules are pretty strict, I guess.” 

“Chester’s mentioned that,” Talinda commented, just as Forrest brought the pictures to an end. “Okay,” she said, looking at Mike quickly. “Five minute break while we set up for the commercial.” She didn’t wait. She offered Mike a smile, and then she headed toward Forrest and Julia. She stopped for only a second to tell Chester how great he looked before she turned her attention to her boss.

Chester still had the little terrier in his arms. He knew now was the time to get up and stretch, but he really didn’t mind staying where he was. He looked over at Mike and waved. “You can come over here.” 

The invitation was exactly what Mike was hoping for, and he was across the room as fast as he could get there. “All of that looked great from over there,” he complimented as he sunk down next to Chester. “And she’s so precious. She really likes you, Ches.” He reached out to scratch right between the puppy’s ears. 

“She’s really sweet,” he said before handing the puppy over, carefully. “You can hold her for a minute. All the other dogs will be over here next. Do you really think everything looks good?” He let out a breath as he glanced down at his shirt, and then his jeans. “Some of them are hairy,” he fussed, swatting bits of hair from his clothes. 

“You look super cute, especially with the dogs.” Mike was relieved to have the terrier back in his arms. He held her warm, wiggly body close to his chest. “This one isn’t hairy. I mean, she’s hairy, but she doesn’t seem to shed too much. She’s so perfect.” He looked over at Chester, who was still wiping away dog hair. “You know they’re about to bring them all over, and you’ll have more dog hair everywhere. It’s a lost cause.”

“I know,” Chester sighed as he stopped his fussing. He looked over at his boyfriend, and how close he was holding the small dog, and he smiled. “You really like her, don’t you?” He reached over to pet the dog on the head, and then down one of her arms to hold onto her paw, like they were shaking hands. 

“Yeah…” Mike didn’t know if it was the right time to beg to take the puppy home. Something told him that this small dog would be the perfect addition to their lives, and he wanted Chester to say yes. He looked up and tried his best convincing eyes through the strands of hair falling over his forehead. “We should keep her.” 

Chester wasn’t shocked to hear that. He’d known from minute one, the moment Mike had pointed the small terrier out, that his boyfriend was in love. If there was one thing Chester enjoyed, it was giving Mike what he wanted. “I think it would be fun,” he said, his hand traveling from the puppy’s arm to Mike’s. “If you think we can take her home and not get in trouble, then I’m all for it.” He leaned over and placed a soft kiss to Mike’s cheek.

Mike could feel his heart beating a little faster. “Really? You want her, too? I think we can do it!” he added excitedly. “She’s so small, there’s room. We’ll make room. And we can take turns taking her outside to do her business. It kinda sucks that we’re on the second floor but it will be okay. We can figure it out.” He could feel how wide the smile was on his face. “I love you, you’re going to be the best puppy parent, you know that?” 

Chester curled his arm around Mike’s back. “I think we’ll both be great puppy parents. And you’re right, she’s so small. She’s going to fit right in.” He nuzzled one more kiss to Mike’s neck before he added, “I love you, too.” He caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and he knew it was time to get back to work. “Try and think of a good name for her,” he suggested as he took her back. “As soon as I’m done with the commercial, we’ll sign the paperwork for her.” 

“Oh, she doesn’t have a name. Okay,” Mike said thoughtfully. “I’ll think about it.” His arms felt empty without their puppy, and right then he knew that she would be the most spoiled dog in history. He already wanted her back, and the two of them would spend hours trading her back and forth. It was exciting to imagine the puppy hanging out with him while he studied, and keeping Chester company while he was in class. There would hardly be time for the little dog to miss them. “I’m excited, Ches!” Now all Mike wanted was for the commercial to be over so they could go. _We have to go to the pet store. We’ll need a leash and bowls, and a bed. And food. She’s going to be a little expensive._

Chester took a minute to stretch after all. He kept their new puppy in his arms as he did. Even though he was excited, and he wanted to think about everything coming - things like vet visits, and taking the puppy to the beach, and introducing her to Amir, Noah, and even Ryan - wanted to run through his mind, but he pushed it away. He had one more obligation to get through. One more huge obligation. “Stay with me,” he whispered to the terrier, his face close to her head. “My first time on tv. Real tv, not just online or something people download.” He smiled. His first time doing a real television commercial and it was for a great cause, and he was going to get to have his and Mike’s brand new puppy in his arms while he did it.

****  
TBC


	8. Cheese Shopping

Mike sat in the passenger side of Chester’s little red sports car, the tiny black and brown terrier cuddled in his arms. Every once in a while he heard her whimper softly, and he could feel her heart beating rapidly. “Shhh,” he soothed while Chester drove toward the pet store. “You’re okay, lovie.” He looked over at his boyfriend and smiled. “I still can’t believe we left with her. She’s going to be so much fun.” 

Chester glanced over and smiled. Their new puppy was so small. If you didn’t know what you were looking at, you might think that Mike was holding a stuffed animal. “I think so, too. Have you thought about a name yet? We should name her something fun.” 

“I have no idea. We should wait and see what kind of personality she has.” Mike looked down at the puppy. “I hope she’s kind of sassy. Or maybe spunky. Although I guess that’s kind of the same thing.” He sighed happily. “She’s so soft and warm. But I think she’s a little scared. Her heart is pounding.” 

“Aww,” Chester cooed as he reached over and gently rubbed behind the terrier’s ear. “But who wouldn’t be scared? I would be if two strangers took me away from everything I knew.” He didn’t miss the look on Mike’s face. “But it will be okay, Sexy Boy. She’ll settle down in no time.” He looked back out over the road as he turned into the shopping complex where the pet store us, his Google map app on his phone informing him that they had arrived at their destination on the right. 

The parking lot was pretty full, but they found a space and Chester turned the car off. “We’re here. You know, I’ve never really been in one of these places,” he mentioned as he looked out the window at the neon sign that had a dog and cat face on it. “Good thing the humane society people gave us a list. I’ve never had a dog.” He reached into the backseat, grabbing the mound of papers they’d been given before leaving Score.

Mike bit his lip. In all the excitement he hadn’t wanted to think about how expensive the trip to the pet store would be. He knew their puppy didn’t need all the extravagant things his mother’s dogs had always had, but she did need quite a bit. The essentials, at least. “There’s going to be a lot,” he admitted. “We’ll have to be smart about it. Maybe we’ll get some good deals today.” He opened the door and stepped out of the car, the terrier in the crook of his arm. 

Chester rounded the car, locking the doors from his keychain as he did. He slid one hand around Mike’s waist as they walked. “We’ll get everything on the list,” he said as he glanced down at the top piece of paper. “Food, food bowl and water dish. A collar and a leash,” he read before he frowned. _Collar._ He swallowed hard as he looked down at the little puppy. He really didn’t like the idea of putting a collar on anything, and especially not their new pet. “Maybe we can find a collar alternative,” he mentioned as they stepped up on the sidewalk, and to the double doors, which opened automatically.

“Maybe a little harness,” Mike answered calmly. He didn’t want anything to dampen the mood, and they had talked about the collar and its role in their relationship enough. It wasn’t entirely clear to him if Chester had made peace with all of that, but Mike hoped that he had. “Sometimes those are better for little dogs, anyway. They go around their chest and front legs. If we do that, we’ll need to get her microchipped for sure, so if she gets lost she’ll be returned. Not having tags on a collar means she’ll have to be identified another way.” The smell of animals and dog food hit him as they picked up a shopping cart. It had been years since he’d been in a pet store, but they all smelled the same. 

“Yeah, we need to make sure she has something on her in case she gets lost. Which hopefully that won’t happen,” Chester rushed to say. “Here, let me drive. You just hang onto the munchkin. There’s lots of other dogs in here.” He took hold of the red cart as he looked around. People had their dogs on leashes as they looked at toys and shampoos and treats. “They all look like they could eat her for a snack.”

Mike shook his head and shuddered. “I’ll protect her. Let’s work through this list quickly. I’m hungry, and I bet she is, too. We’ll get her all set up and maybe you can make cheeseburgers for lunch. You make the best cheeseburgers, babe.” He looked over Chester’s shoulder at the list. “Oh, we need to get her a little bed, too. That’s not on the list.” 

“Cheeseburgers it is,” Chester agreed, and almost just as quickly, the puppy barked. It was the first time they’d heard her make any sort of sound other than a whimper. “Did you hear that?” Chester asked, a huge smile crossing his face as he reached over to pet the dog on her head. “I think she wants a cheeseburger, too.” 

“She doesn’t even know how good they are, yet,” Mike giggled. He lifted the puppy to his face and nuzzled her gently. “You want a cheeseburger, girl?” He felt the touch of a little wet nose to his face, followed by another small bark. “I think we’re going to have a hard time keeping her from eating people food.” 

“Is that bad?” Chester asked as they turned down the aisle that had small to massively huge dog beds. “It probably is, huh?” He caught Mike’s nod from the corner of his eye. “Okay, no cheeseburgers for you,” he told the puppy with a stern stare before his attention went to the stacks of smaller beds. “Mike, there’s a zebra print one,” he noticed right away. “Or a pink zebra one,” he added, pointing between the two beds. 

“Yeah, they’re not supposed to eat people food.” Mike looked over the small beds. He loved zebra print, but the pink zebra one seemed more appropriate. “How about the pink one? She _is_ a princess, after all.” He reached out with one hand and squeezed the bed. “It’s soft. And you know how much I love zebra print. I say this is a winner.” 

Chester leaned over and pecked a quick kiss to Mike’s cheek. “Pink zebra it is.” He pulled the little bed from the stack and dropped it into their cart. He looked at the list. “Let’s find her some food and water dishes,” he suggested, pushing the cart down the aisle and then around the corner. Just like with the beds, there were tons to choose from. “This one is self-feeding,” he said, looking at double food and water bowls that contained reservoirs for each. 

Mike looked at them, and then shook his head. “Those are hard to clean. I think we need something smaller, like these.” He pointed at the stainless steel bowls in a small cast iron holder. “I like these better, we can clean them after she uses them. And one of us should always be around to feed her, so I’m not sure it makes sense to spend the extra money on the self feeding thing.” He looked over at Chester and waited for his thoughts. 

Chester picked up the stainless steel set, flipping the whole thing over to read the tag on the bottom. “These are dishwasher safe,” he said before looking up. “Works for me.” He held them up. “How about it, Cheeseburger Lover? You like these?” He laughed when the dog leaned forward, trying to sniff the bowl set.

“I think those are the ones.” Mike smiled at the puppy. “Cheeseburger Lover. What a mouthful. We can’t call her that. It would take forever.” He wanted to get to the next item on the list. The puppy wasn’t the only one wanting a cheeseburger. 

Chester shrugged. “It’s just a placeholder until we think up a real name for her.” He pushed the cart to the next aisle, and his mouth dropped open. There were so many kinds of dog food. Some in bags, some in cans, and some in refrigerated packages. “Well, fuck,” he whined softly. “How do we know which kind?” He frantically looked at the paperwork, searching for a brand or at least a suggestion when it came to picking out a food, but there was nothing. 

“Maybe we can let her smell through the packages?” Mike was thinking out loud. He didn’t have any idea where to start either as he looked over the wide variety and read names. “Well, here’s a section of puppy food over here. Come on.” He stepped down the aisle and read the fronts of the packages. There was all sorts of puppy food, and then he spied some food that was labeled _small breed._ “How about one of these, Cheeseburger Lover? These say they’re for tiny puppies like you.” He held the terrier out to sniff at the packages. 

It took three packages before Mike got a bark from the puppy. “I think she picked one out.” He reached out for the package, and the puppy barked again. “What do you think, Ches?” 

Chester took the little bag of dry dog food. He scanned the front, which promised it was full of the right nutrients for small breed puppies, and it would make their coat shiny. That seemed like a good thing. He put it in the cart. “If that’s what Cheeseburger Lover wants, it’s fine with me. I’m not eating it.” He grinned at Mike before he looked down at the list. “Is she the kind of dog that needs a brush?” He tilted his head at the terrier. “She does have a lot of hair. Kind of like you,” he snickered, elbowing Mike playfully on his side.

Mike looked over at his boyfriend, his hair falling in his eyes as usual. “Between the two of us, there is a lot of hair. Yeah, she needs a little brush. We don’t want her to get tangles. Matted hair is the worst. My mom used to take her dogs to the groomer every week. We definitely can’t afford that.” Chester followed him around the corner to a different aisle. “We might need a trimmer, too, to keep up with her hair. Gosh, this is getting kind of expensive,” he fretted. 

Chester let out an excited gasp. “You’re right! We can do her hair ourselves!” It was a new idea, and already he was searching the aisle for all things doggy hair care. “She’ll need a good conditioner. And bows, we should find some little bows to put in her hair.” He looked over, catching the worried look on his boyfriend’s face, and he stopped. It was the second time Mike had mentioned money since they’d been at the store. He knew his lover thought about it a lot more than he did, since at the moment Mike’s incoming funds were minimal. They’d yet to rejoin their bank accounts since their short-lived breakup months ago. “Hey,” Chester said, stepping close to Mike’s side. “Don’t worry about the money, okay? I’ve got enough in savings to cover everything Cheeseburger Lover needs.” He pressed his lips to the side of Mike’s head. 

“I love you,” Mike whispered, turning to kiss Chester on the cheek. “I know you didn’t plan to come home with another mouth to feed today, but I’m glad we did. Cheeseburger is too cute.” He stopped with a gasp. “Oh my god. I think we’ve named her Cheeseburger.” 

The puppy looked up at the two of them and barked before Chester could answer. He laughed. “Looks like we did, and she likes it. Then again, how could she not? Cheeseburgers are awesome. Right?” he asked, his voice flipping an octave higher as he loved on the puppy for a minute. “She looks like a Cheeseburger. A Cheeseburger who needs a little yellow bow in her hair.” He spun back around and looked at all the options, finding the bows quickly. And then a good puppy shampoo and Mike picked out a brush. 

They headed to the next aisle, and Chester took a deep breath. It was full of collars, leashes, and the harnesses Mike had mentioned. “A harness is a good idea,” Chester decided as they slowly walked. “A yellow one to match her bow. And yellow is a bright collar so that will be good when we have to take her out at night.” They stopped in front of the harness section, and Chester was thrilled to see smaller ones that actually looked like they’d fit Cheeseburger. 

“Extra small,” Mike mumbled as he looked over the selection. “Yellow. Like cheese. I love cheese. I think cheese is the perfect food. Just think of all the things you can put cheese on. Or even things that use cheese as a main ingredient. Cheese is awesome.” He plucked a tiny yellow harness from the rack and held it out for Chester to inspect. When he nodded, Mike tossed it in the cart and then grabbed a leash that also met his lover’s approval. “How much is left? Is that it?”

“Toys,” Chester said, reading through the list. “And I agree. Cheese is the best. I’m going to put extra cheese on our burgers when we get home.” His stomach rumbled. They really hadn’t had lunch at Score, just little pieces of cake and tofu. Nothing that equalled a meal. “Let’s get her something to chew on and maybe a stuffed toy,” he suggested as they headed back towards the front of the store where all the dog toys were. “Nothing that squeaks, that would get annoying.” He turned the cart, scanning the shelves. Just like everything else, there were tons of choices. But one caught his eye. “Look! It’s a piece of cheese!” He snatched the stuffed triangle shaped toy off the hook and held it up. It was yellow, with bits taken out of it like mice had nibbled on it. “I think it’s cheddar,” Chester decided as he handed it over for his boyfriend to look at. 

Mike had to laugh. “This is perfect. Let’s get this and those rawhide chews and go home. I’m starving. And Cheeseburger is too.” He tossed the fake wedge of cheese into the cart and a package of chews. “I can’t wait to get her home. It’s like we’re a little family.” He looked over and his eyes met Chester’s. “We’re puppy parents now.” 

Chester reached for Mike’s free hand, squeezing it. “Yeah. I like that.” He glanced down at Cheeseburger. “I get the feeling she’s going to be a handful.” He kissed Mike quickly, and then plopped a kiss to the puppy’s head before they headed to the first open register. It was going to be fun, but also a lot of work. He’d never had a dog, but he knew people who did. He was ready for the challenge, a challenge he and Mike could tackle together as a team. They were on the same side for this one. 

“Nah, she’s perfect,” Mike cooed, cuddling Cheeseburger closer. “She’s going to be so much fun.” He watched Chester pile all of the things they were buying onto the conveyor belt, and he stepped around to the other side of the register so he wouldn’t have to see how much it cost. His lack of money stressed him out, and he knew he was the reason Chester was about to spend so much. He couldn’t leave the puppy behind, and now Chester was footing the bill. Mike concentrated on entertaining the dog while everything was scanned, bagged, and put back in the cart after Chester paid for it all. They were walking back out to the car before he reached over and slid his free arm around Chester’s waist and pulled him close. It was awkward with the cart and the puppy, but he wanted to give a hug anyway. “Thanks for getting all this stuff for her, babe. I know it’s a lot.” 

“You’re welcome,” Chester answered. “And don’t worry about it. Work has been good lately.” He stopped at the car, and opened the small trunk. “Go ahead and get in...do you want this harness? We’ll probably need to walk her before we take her up to the apartment.” He dug the yellow harness and matching leash out, handing them over.

“Yep.” Mike grabbed the leash and harness and sat down in the car with Cheeseburger. She settled right into his lap, laying her head on his knee as if shopping had worn her out. He took the harness from the packaging and adjusted the straps down to the smallest they would go. “I hope she won’t wiggle out of this,” he said to himself. He fitted it around her little body and snapped it into place. It was a little loose, but he didn’t think she’d be able to get out. They would see how it went when they got home.

Mike laid his head back on the headrest and smiled while he petted over Cheeseburger’s head with one finger. _Home. I’m so glad we’re going home together with her. It will be so fun to play with her while Ches makes dinner._ He was ready to get home and start the new part of their lives as puppy parents. 

****

It was late by the time Chester managed to get the hamburgers on the stove and a batch of seasoned curly fries into the oven. Bringing their new puppy home was exciting, but it was also time consuming. They had walked her together outside, on the far side of their apartment building. There was a grassy area that was out of sight from most everything else. The little terrier had taken fifteen minutes before she’d finally sniffed around enough to squat and pee. 

The moment she was done, Mike scooped her up and together they headed upstairs. That was almost an hour ago. _I’m so hungry. These need to hurry up._ Chester glared down at his pan with the sizzling burgers. The fries had another five minutes, which was enough time for the burgers to finish and Chester could get double cheese melted on both. 

He turned from the stove to look out over the living room. The television was on, but turned down low. Mike was on the couch, his head back and his eyes closed. Cheeseburger was on his lap, sound asleep. Chester smiled. _I’m going to miss him while I’m gone next week to New York. I can’t put it off anymore. I’ve got to tell him. Forrest confirmed it earlier. We’re going. Me and Ryan are going. I’ve never been to New York. I wish Mike could come along too, but I know he can’t._ Chester’s shoulders slumped. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell his boyfriend about the work trip, but such conversations had never gone over well in the past. 

Without his permission, the memory of the last time he’d told Mike about a work trip popped into his head. The night at the loft, when he’d hesitantly told Mike about Pride Week in San Francisco. Chester’s heart sank. Mike had been so supportive. So instantly willing to give his blessing, and all because he was secretly having an affair with Jason. 

Chester pulled the hot pan of hamburgers from the heat and turned the stove off. He knew things weren’t like that now. He knew for certain that his boyfriend had come out on the other side of the unfaithfulness a better person. Their relationship was stronger and healthier now than it ever had been. Even more so than when they’d first started dating. Their communication was open, their love life just that - it was full of love. Chester curled himself into bed every night with a man who treated him with tenderness, respect, and affectionate touches. They still had their nights when things got wild, when the slower love making was swapped for sexy stripping and dirty talk. When one of them would willingly be submissive as the other took total control. But those nights still held all the elements of love. It wasn’t like before, when Chester’s body was abused and manhandled under Mike’s aggression. They’d managed to find a balance, a healthy way to consume each other without it getting out of control. 

_Communication,_ Chester thought as he plopped two pieces of sliced cheese on each burger. _That’s what it is. In bed or for anything else. That’s how we’re keeping everything in check. If something hurts or doesn’t feel right, I tell him. And he tells me. I tell him what I need and he tells me what he needs._

Chester smiled. Talking to each other seemed like such a simple concept, even though they’d managed to fail at it multiple times during their almost three year relationship. But lately, they’d been making the effort to keep open communication at the forefront, and it was working. Chester was confident he knew more about his boyfriend - more about himself - now than he ever had, and with that he decided there was no need to worry about New York. _If Mike gives his support, I know it’s because he loves me and he wants my career to go well, not just because he doesn’t care. I know he cares about me. He cares so much._

He put both cheeseburgers onto buns and then pulled the curly fries from the oven. He was starving, and he picked a hot fry from the pan to blow on it as he turned around and took the three steps to get to the bar. “Mike,” he called, “burgers are ready.” He blew on the curly fry one more time and then popped it into his mouth. His eyes closed as he savored it. His stomach was empty and he was ready to fill it while he and Mike sat together and talked. 

“Huh?” Mike mumbled, his eyes closed. “Cheeseburger?” His hand lifted automatically to cover the sleeping puppy’s back lightly. “She’s fine, babe. Sleeping.” He left his hand on her back, his fingers nestled into her fur. 

Chester laughed softly to himself before he turned and headed for the refrigerator to fetch the ketchup. He picked up another curly fry, blew on it, and then squeezed a thick line of red awesomeness on as much of it as he could. “No, I mean the food’s ready,” he said in Mike’s direction before eating the ketchup-covered fry. And then he grabbed another one. “You better hurry or I’m going to eat all these curly fries.” 

Mike’s head lifted from the back of the couch. “You better not eat my curly fries. I’m starving.” He rubbed his eyes with his free hand and looked down at Cheeseburger. “I don’t want to wake her up, she’s exhausted.” He figured in puppy time, it had been a long day. Just that morning she had woken up and gone to play with the other puppies at Score, and then she’d been whisked away to the pet store and then their apartment. It seemed like a lot at once.

Gently he scooped his hands under the terrier and moved her off his lap onto the couch cushion. The puppy opened her eyes for a quick moment, then tucked her face into her front paws. “Good girl,” Mike praised, sliding off the couch and heading to the bathroom. “Gonna wash my hands. Don’t eat my fries.”

Chester was already drizzling ketchup over his next one. “I can’t promise anything, Sexy Boy!” he hollered playfully. “You better hurry!” He heard Mike grumble something back, and he laughed. He shifted his attention from down the hallway, to the couch, where Cheeseburger was still being good, sleeping quietly. He shook his head. He had no idea puppies could get worn out so fast. _But it has been a long day._ He yawned at the thought before he started dividing the fries out between their plates. 

Mike dried his hands quickly and was back into the kitchen before Chester was finished dividing out fries. He watched and smiled when his boyfriend piled his share in a mound next to his cheeseburger. It looked like Chester had put a few extra on his plate. “Thanks, babe. I’m sorry I fell asleep. Cheeseburger is just so warm and she settled down on me and I didn’t want to bother her,” he rambled as he dropped a kiss to the top of Chester’s head and took his seat. “This smells so good. I think this is my absolute favorite thing you make.” He got a goofy grin on his face, thinking about when Chester had declared them to be each other’s cheeseburgers. “Ches, do you realize we named the puppy after each other?” Mike waited for Chester to pass him the ketchup bottle, and to see if the meaning behind what he said would make sense. 

It took Chester a minute to put the connection together. Their conversation about sex, love, and life partners that had spontaneously happened the night Mike was accepted into USC was one that Chester would never forget. It was a huge turning point in their relationship, and as he thought about it in light of their new dog, it made him laugh. “I guess we did. I, I didn't even think about that. She just seemed like she wanted a cheeseburger, too.” He handed the bottle of ketchup over after dishing out a huge mass of it on his plate and then his burger. “Does that make us really weird or is it cute?” He raised his eyebrow at Mike for the answer. 

“I think we’re cute, but other people will probably think it’s a weird thing to name a dog. And I don’t care. It means something to us, and only us. Nobody else needs to understand.” Mike squirted a small circle of ketchup onto the side of his plate and set the bottle down between the two of them. He barely dipped the end of a curly fry into it and shoved the whole thing in his mouth while he picked up his burger. It was exactly the way he liked it. Two slices of melted cheese, lettuce, pickles, and mustard. Though he’d tried to get Chester to put mustard on his burger several times over their years together, Mike had finally given up. They both enjoyed their burgers independently - Mike’s with a swirl of mustard and Chester’s with a giant blob of ketchup. Even though they were dressed a little differently, underneath they were the same delicious cheeseburger.

“I agree. Screw what everyone else thinks,” Chester stated after swallowing a huge bite of burger. “And besides, I think she looks like a cheeseburger. For a dog,” he added with a shrug. “Growing up our neighbors had a big dog named P.B. which stood for Peanut Butter,” he said with a short snort. “But then they changed it to Pain in the Butt.” He made a face in Mike’s direction before nodding towards the couch. “So Cheeseburger could morph into something else.” He looked around to take a drink, and realized he had nothing. He scratched his head. He must be slipping, not even getting them glasses of water or soda before he’d sat down. “What do you want to drink?”

Mike stood up, leaving his burger on the plate. “I’ll get it. I’m just having water. What do you want?” He took the few steps over to the cabinet for glasses and looked back over his shoulder at Chester. “I’m not even sure what we have.” 

“Water’s fine,” Chester told him as he dragged another fry through his ketchup. He looked over at his boyfriend’s plate. His food was already half gone. Mike was a fast eater, and Chester knew if they were going to talk about New York before showers started, he needed to hurry up and get to it. “So there’s this fashion thing going on in New York City,” he said as Mike sat down with two glasses of water. “It’s not a fashion show, it’s for the companies. They all get together and discuss upcoming reveals and what everyone’s planning for next year. There’s going to be press and interviews and Score is going to be featured in some who’s who New York magazine. Forrest wants me and Ryan to go to help represent the company.” He stopped for a second, his eyes watching Mike’s face carefully. “I didn’t bring it up before because he wasn’t sure how things would go, but he told me earlier that it’s all confirmed. We’ll be gone for four days. It’s next week.” 

Mike felt his expression drop as he listened carefully. “Four days?” he whined. “That’s going to feel like forever.” He sat back in his seat and looked at Chester. “I mean, that’s cool you get to go, but next week? Right after we got Cheeseburger?” His shoulders slumped a little. “We’re gonna miss you.”

Chester reached over immediately, caressing Mike’s arm. “I know, it’s bad timing. And yeah, four whole days. But it will be good,” he encouraged before he went back to his food. “It’s exposure for Ryan and I, and I love that Forrest asked us to go. It never hurts to win more points with the boss.” Chester stopped as he put his cheeseburger down. “I’m going to miss you, too,” he said, his tone soft as his eyes flipped between Mike and their new puppy. “But we can talk in the evenings when I’m off Score duty and FaceTime. I’ll bring you back something really New Yorky,” he promised with a smile. 

Mike nodded. “FaceTime will be good.” He poked his cheeseburger. “I bet you’ll get to stay in a swanky place.” He flashed Chester a quick smile. Four days would feel like forever, but he knew it was good for his boyfriend to go. Besides, he liked Forrest, and had no reason to think negatively of the trip other than the fact that Chester would be so far away. “You say Ryan is going, too? Maybe it will be good for him to get away from Rob for a bit.”

“Mhm, that’s exactly what I was thinking,” Chester agreed. “I hope he’s in good shape. There’s going to be so many people around.” He dropped his eyes to his plate for a second. He still hadn’t heard from Ryan about why he hadn’t shown up to the Humane Society shoot. “He was supposed to be at Score today,” he mentioned, not looking over. “He told me he was going to come and watch… be supportive. But I haven’t heard from him.” He dug his phone from his pocket to check again for a missed call or a text from his friend, but there was nothing. He sighed as he left his phone on the bar, next to his plate. It wasn’t like Ryan to not show up, or to make promises to Chester and not keep them. 

Mike swallowed the second to last bite of his burger. “I’m sorry he’s doing that to you, Ches.” A few months ago he wouldn’t have been able to even choke those words out, much less sound sincere about the sentiment. But these days, Ryan’s behavior, and specifically the complete change in how he treated Chester, was a concern of Mike’s. _It’s like everything can’t be good all at once. There’s always something to worry about._ “I know how much it worries you. Maybe while you’re away from here you can talk with him, you know? Tell him you miss your Ryan nights.” He swiped the last two curly fries through his ketchup and stuck them in his mouth. 

“Yeah. I will.” Chester shoved a big bite of cheeseburger in his mouth. _Maybe when we have alone time, he’ll actually talk to me. Everything he tells me lately is generic crap. Like he doesn’t want to tell me how he really feels or how he’s really doing. He can’t be doing well, not with the way he’s looking lately. Or the way he’s acting._

It was depressing, but Chester also knew Mike was right. A few days away from Rob and L.A. would probably be good for Ryan. They could go out and have fun together, exploring New York together. Chester smiled as he swallowed his bite of cheeseburger. “It’s a bummer you don’t have a break in your school schedule. I’d love if you could come along. Forrest told me you could, but then I reminded him you couldn’t miss your classes.” Chester guzzled a few massive gulps of water before he stood up and pecked a kiss to Mike’s cheek. “I’m full. I’m going to hit the shower.” 

He headed to the trash can, tossing away his last few fries and the part of his cheeseburger that hadn’t managed to have enough ketchup on it. _It’s all bread anyway._. He ran water over his plate, but left it in the sink. “I’ll clean up when I get done,” he mentioned over his shoulder before he rounded the bar and stopped at the couch. Cheeseburger was still asleep. “I think we tired her out. When she wakes up, we need to see if she wants to eat.” 

“Okay.” Mike sat for another minute, finishing his burger. _I would have eaten those fries if he’d asked. He usually asks._ He looked toward the bathroom and frowned. _He’s got Ryan on the brain. I know it’s stressful, but I don’t have any way to fix it. I wish he wouldn’t worry so much._ He picked up his plate and walked it over to the sink, ready to leave it on top of Chester’s. There weren’t too many dishes to clean, and Chester’s cast iron skillet was on top of the burner. _I don’t know how to clean that. But I can do the rest while he’s showering. Then he can just relax with Cheeseburger while I shower._

Cleaning the kitchen had always been Chester’s job. Mike learned quickly at the loft that his boyfriend preferred to clean things his way, and Mike had gotten lazy about offering to help. This time Chester wasn’t around to say no, and even though he figured Chester might redo some of his cleaning when he disappeared to take his own shower, Mike wanted to try. He picked up the dish cloth and soap, and quickly washed the baking sheet and utensils Chester had used to make dinner, as well as their plates. They went into the over the sink drying rack before Mike wiped down the small section of countertop and rinsed the sink. He gave the cast iron skillet a wary look before he left it where it was and dried off his hands. _There. That’s better._

He stopped at the couch to check on the puppy. She was still soundly asleep, and Mike didn’t touch her. He tiptoed into the bedroom to toss his pajama pants and underwear onto the bed for after his shower. There was still a lot to do before they could go to bed. Cheeseburger had to be fed, and then she’d need to go outside. _I hope she’s tired enough to sleep all night. What if she didn’t play enough today? She’ll wake us up._ Mike paused and looked thoughtfully toward the door. It was no secret he was a heavy sleeper. _What if I don’t wake up? I have to be able to do my part. Ches can’t do it all. I don’t want him to do it all._ It was a sudden realization that maybe he hadn’t really thought dog ownership through. The idea of losing the sleep he hardly got enough of now was unsettling.

Mike turned back to the dresser and pulled out a t-shirt, realizing he’d need a shirt to take the dog out. He was still fretting over whether or not Cheeseburger would sleep all night when he heard the chime of Chester’s phone from the bar. _Damnit! His phone will wake up the dog!_ He hurried into the living space and grabbed Chester’s phone without looking at it, and in the process accidentally answered the call. Mike glanced down at it for a split second and decided to just say hello.

“Chazzy? Is that you?” 

Mike pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the screen again before putting it back to his ear. “Oh, no, this is Mike.” He stopped, entirely unsure what to say. Cheeseburger’s head lifted from her paws and she looked over at Mike, who walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. 

There was silence for a moment before Ryan said, “You’re answering his phone? Where’s Chaz?”

“It was an accident,” Mike defended automatically at the start of a ramble. “He’s in the shower and his ringer was on, and I didn’t want it to wake up Cheeseburger so I grabbed it, but I accidentally answered it.”

“Um...wake up a cheeseburger?” Ryan asked. “Mike, are you drunk? Is that why you’re answering Chaz’s phone? How can you wake up a cheeseburger?”

“No, I’m not drunk,” Mike grumbled. “Cheeseburger is the dog.” 

“What dog? Oh, are you guys still at Score? That’s why you’re answering his phone. He’s still working.” Ryan sighed. “I wanted to tell him I was sorry, I can’t make it to the shoot.”

Mike reached over and patted the puppy’s head softly while she whined. “No, we’re home. I told you he was in the shower.” Mike stopped and tried again. He’d heard the irritation in his voice and knew that wasn’t going to earn him any points with Chester. “We adopted a puppy. Her name is Cheeseburger. And it sounds like Ches is out of the shower, if you want to wait a minute and talk to him. I know he really wants to talk to you.” 

“You guys adopted a puppy?” Ryan asked like he didn’t believe when Mike had said it. “And yeah, guess I’ll wait if he’s not going to be long.” 

Mike didn’t know what to do. He looked from Cheeseburger to the hallway, hoping to see Chester. He didn’t have much to say to Ryan, but he didn’t want to hang up. _No idea when he’d call back. Damnit._ The shower was off, but that didn’t mean anything. Chester could be another five minutes if he was feeling lazy. “I’ll, um… I’ll take him the phone,” he said, scooping Cheeseburger up in one arm. “Come on, lovie. Let’s go get Ches,” he whispered to the dog.

In the bathroom, Chester was still drying himself off when he heard Mike knock on the door. “I’m almost done!” Chester hollered. _One bathroom. I’d love it if we could have a house one day with two bathrooms._ He let that thought go as he ran the towel over his dark curly hair.

“Ches!” Mike yelled back, “Ryan’s on the phone! And I need to take Cheeseburger out, she’s whining!” 

Chester stopped immediately. He hated to admit it, but he was surprised Ryan actually called. He opened the bathroom door, the cooler air from the apartment hitting his naked body, making all the hairs on his arms stand up. “Yeah? Okay,” he said, reaching for his phone. He glanced down at the tiny terrier. “Miss Troublemaker,” he snickered playfully at the dog before he put the phone to his ear, as Mike headed back to the living room with the puppy. “Ry? It’s Chaz.”

“Hey, Chazzy,” Ryan said with a long sigh. “Love your new answering service.” 

Chester smiled. It was good to hear Ryan making jokes. “He’s talented,” Chester bantered back as he turned around and set his phone on the bathroom vanity, the speaker on so he could talk to Ryan and get dressed. “He can answer a phone like a boss. He’s cute, too.” 

“He can be,” Ryan admitted. “Kinda miss that blue hair he used to have.” 

Chester grinned as he pulled his underwear on. He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Ryan call Mike ‘cute’ or even imply it. _No. He did. He did when he first met him back at the loft. Fuck, that was a long ass time ago._ “I miss the blue hair sometimes, too, but I dig his beard he has now. So, I missed you today,” he said without skipping a beat. “You would have enjoyed it, lots of cute dogs everywhere.” 

“I know, Chaz. I’m sorry. Time just got away from me.” 

Chester stepped into his black joggers as he thought about that. Ryan seemed to lose track of time a lot lately. “It’s okay,” he said, trying to hide the disappointment. “All the shots turned out really well. I’m sure Talinda will tell you all about it. She was kinda annoyed at all the dogs being at the office. I’m sure there’s a cleaning crew there right now.” 

“Speaking of which, your boyfriend said you guys adopted a puppy. Was that from today? You guys aren’t even really living together, are you?” 

Chester pulled his powder blue tank top on before he stared down at his phone. It was the most questions Ryan had asked him in awhile. He sat down on the closed toilet seat and reached for his blue socks that had black across the toes. “We did. Her name’s Cheeseburger and she’s super cute. She was one of the dogs at Score today for the shoot. I actually got to take some pictures with her, so you might see me and Cheeseburger up on a billboard somewhere.” 

“I can’t believe you guys got a dog.” 

Chester wasn’t sure how to take the tone in Ryan’s voice, it felt like a mix of sad and jealous. _He loves dogs. I know he wants one some day._ “Mike wanted her,” Chester said as he stood up and grabbed his phone from the vanity. He clicked off of speaker phone as he turned off the light and headed back to the living room. Mike and the puppy were nowhere, and Chester assumed they were already outside. He plopped down on the couch. “Forrest paid all the adoption fees for anyone who took a puppy home, so we picked one out. And I mostly live here now. I still have some stuff at Amir’s, but I’m usually here.” Chester stopped. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask Ryan about the poker game they were going to try and set up, which would serve more as an intervention than a fun night of Aces, Jacks, and Threes being used against each other, but he didn’t. They would be in New York all next week together, and after that Chester would decide if an intervention was really necessary or not. “Did Forrest tell you New York is officially on?” 

“He did. I talked to him right before I called you. That will be fun. Have you told Mike yet?” 

“Mhm, he said he’s going to miss me, but he took it pretty well.” 

“I guess he’s getting a little better about things.” 

“No, he’s gotten a lot better,” Chester defended, but he stopped himself from saying more. He and Ryan had already spent many hours over multiple days discussing Mike Shinoda and how different things were now compared to how things used to be. “I’m excited for you and me to go to New York together,” he said instead as he picked at the couch with his fingernails. “How have you been? I feel like I don’t see you much anymore unless it’s for work.” 

“I’m fine,” Ryan answered, just before there was a noise in the background. 

Chester sat forward, straining to hear, trying to figure out what it was. “Is that Talinda?” he asked, even though he knew it wasn’t. “Or Rob?”

“It’s no one. Hey, Chazzy, I gotta go. I’ll catch up with you before we go to New York, okay?” 

“Well, Ry -” Chester started to say, but before he got his whole sentence out, Ryan was saying goodbye and hung up. Chester pulled his phone away from his ear to stare at the screen, and his heart sank a little. It was nice to talk to Ryan, to hear his voice, but the sudden end of their call was distressing. _I heard people. Not just one, but at least two people there with him...wherever he is. I didn’t even get to ask him._

Chester sat back, staring at the closed front door as he replayed the conversation in his head. Ryan - for the most part - had sounded normal. _I guess that’s a good thing. He wasn’t drunk or anything. He sounded fine._ That was enough for Chester to hang onto for the moment. He glanced at the clock before he stood up to clean the kitchen. He knew that when Mike and Cheeseburger came back in, they would have to try and get the puppy to eat and drink some water, and Mike still had a shower to take. 

He stopped suddenly, his eyes going wide as he looked at the empty sink. He’d left dirty dishes there when he’d left to grab his shower, but they were washed and neatly lined up in the drying rack that stood over the sink. Chester smiled. It had been a long time since Mike had pitched in to help when it came to the daily housework of the small apartment. _He’s getting extra kisses when he gets back in here,_ he thought as he walked over and picked up his cast iron skillet, ready to finish that up and be done in the kitchen for the night.

****  
TBC


	9. Send Off

Chester pulled the next sweater out of the bag, this one black with heavy white stripes running down the arms. “Cheese, look at this one!” He held it up for the little terrier to see. “I’m wearing this one when we fly to New York.” He waited, giving the puppy the chance to really look at the sweater before he took his phone and tried to take a selfie that would show off the Score piece. 

“I can’t believe all this stuff is going to come out next week,” he mumbled to himself as he sent a text along with the picture to Ryan. 

**Chester:** _My fav so far!_

He tossed his phone back on the bed, and folded the sweater neatly next to it before he looked around at the mess on the bed. Over the last forty-five minutes, he’d been pulling clothes out of the two large Score bags, each one filled with the company’s newest winter styles. Sweaters, jeans, beanies, gloves, scarves, and even a pair of boots had been sent home with both Chester and Ryan for them to pack along with whatever else they were bringing. One thing was made clear, they would both be decked out in Score clothing the whole time they were in New York. 

“I’m not sure where I’m going to put all this stuff,” Chester mumbled to the dog as he surveyed the explosion of clothes. Over the last week, Cheeseburger had settled into their daily routine, and was even doing pretty well at night. She was quiet, only barking when she wanted something, or when she’d really get excited over chasing her stuffed cheese toy down the hallway. There had been a few accidents, but nothing major, and they were on day two of being totally accident free with the puppy. She laid between them on the couch, and snuggled in bed with them when they would let her. She would whine when she needed to go out, and somewhere along the way, _Cheeseburger_ had become simply _Cheese_ , and neither Mike nor Chester actually seemed to notice the change. 

Chester’s phone dinged and he picked it up, a smile across his face as he looked at Ryan’s answering photo - his white shirt with heavy black stripes going down the sleeves. 

**Ryan:** _I know I look smokin’ hot. You don’t have to tell me. Have you noticed that Score likes to make lots of versions of the same stuff?_

Chester snorted as he typed back. 

**Chester:** _You ARE smokin’ hot, and don’t ever let anyone tell you different. And I know. I guess that’s cheaper since it’s only one design?_

He sent off the text before he peered into the bag, a frown swallowing his happy face. “That’s it, Cheese. I can’t complain. I think Forrest actually gave us four complete brand new outfits. One for every day we’re going to be gone.” He leaned forward and patted the puppy on her head. “I’m going to miss you. You better take care of Sexy Boy while I’m gone,” he told the dog, doing his best to sound stern and serious. “And no messes. Mike’s not the best at cleaning.” He winked at Cheese as his phone dinged again. 

**Ryan:** _You’re probably right about the design thing. I’m ready to go, Chazzy. Seriously. We’re going to have so much fun._

 **Chester:** _Yeah we are. We have to go to Times Square and the Statue of Liberty, you know, all that tourist cheesy stuff. What else is NY famous for?_

Before Chester could even put his phone down, it chimed again. 

**Ryan:** _Bagels. And pizza. And the subway._

Chester sucked his piercing in. It was the most interactive conversation with Ryan he’d had in awhile, and it was exciting to see his friend acting and sounding like he used to before their worlds were turned upside down. Before Mark died. Before Jason left. 

**Chester:** _I vote we do all those things, and anything else you want to do while we’re there. Forrest said as long as we don’t get in trouble, our nights are free for whatever we want to do. *eye roll emoji* Like WE’D get into trouble._

Chester looked up just in time to see Cheese rolling over onto her back and flapping her paws through the air as she scratched her back on the pile of Score clothes. “You’re just being crazy. You want a belly rub, don’t you?” he asked the terrier as he leaned down and rubbed the dog’s tiny stomach.

Outside the apartment door, Mike shifted his backpack over to access the side pocket where he kept his keys. Tonight was the last night Chester would be home before his trip to New York, and Mike had decided to bypass his usual study time at the library to be certain he’d have time to give Chester a proper goodbye. _Four days. I hate it when he’s gone. I can’t sleep. And it’s lonely. Even with Cheese, it won’t be the same without Ches. I wish I could go, we could go sightseeing together._ Right before he was about to sigh, his fingers found his keys, and Mike pulled them from the backpack with a smile instead. He couldn’t wait to get inside and throw Chester down on the bed. _I hope he’s already taken the dog out. She’s going to have to play in the kitchen while we’re alone._

He thought about the baby gate they’d bought to secure the puppy on the tiled area when they were away. It wasn’t his favorite piece of puppy equipment, and he spent more time cursing at it under his breath than setting it up properly. _I’ll get Ches to set it up._ Mike dropped his backpack inside the front door and scanned the small living area in half a second. Chester and Cheese weren’t in sight. “Ches?” he called out, “you home?”

Chester looked toward the open bedroom door as Cheese popped up onto all fours, the black and gray Score scarf hanging off of her as she barked. “In the bedroom!” Chester hollered. He was about to say something else, maybe tell Mike not to come back here until he could hide all the clothes he knew his boyfriend would fret over, but he didn’t get the chance. 

It was only a few steps to cross the room and Mike was quick, passing the couch with a smile and his pulse already a little elevated. Chester in the bedroom waiting for him was always a good sign. He stepped into the bedroom, ready to pounce, and stopped short. There were various pieces of clothing strewn all over their bed, none of which Mike recognized. Before he could ask what was happening, Cheese was at his feet, her paws as far up his leg as she could stretch.

Mike knelt down to scratch the puppy’s head but his eyes flicked over to Chester. “What is all of this?” he asked, his eyes wide. “It looks like someone threw up a winter wonderland of clothes on our bed.” 

“They’re from Forrest,” Chester said, spreading his hand out across the bed. “For the trip. He gave me an outfit for each day. This,” he said, pointing at the somewhat organized stacks of shirts and jeans, “is the Score winter collection for this year. For young men,” he clarified. “No clue what the womens’ side looks like.” 

Cheese was licking Mike’s hand and trying to get his attention, but all he could do was look at the clothes. It was all heavier looking than what Chester would ever need in L.A., and about four times more fabric than most of his boyfriend’s shirts. Mike scooped Cheese up and held her against his chest, petting her face softly. “The only reason I’d care about the women’s side is if they had some hot panties to go along with their line.” He flashed Chester a quick smile, and then just as quickly made a face at the clothes again. “You’re taking all of this with you? Do we even have a suitcase big enough? Winter clothes are so… big.”

Chester’s eyes bounced from the bed, up to Mike’s face. “Don’t worry, I’ll get it all packed. And I know it’s going to take up more room. And there’s that thing,” he said, pointing to a heavy looking black coat that had huge dark gray buttons down the front. It was folded at the end of the bed. “But it’s going to be cold in New York, so I’m happy someone thought ahead. I sure didn’t,” he said, wrinkling his nose in Mike’s direction before he sucked in his breath.

He took a step to the side, coming out from behind the bed, so there was nothing between him and Mike, only a few feet of empty space. “And I’ve got you covered on the panties,” he said, a mischievous smile crossing his lips as he slowly turned around. He’d already had his shower, and was in a red tank top and gray joggers, but he shoved them down, just off his hips to show off a pair of red panties that had snowy looking patterns around the top and down both sides. He turned his head to look over his shoulder. “What do you think?” 

Mike licked his lips without even thinking about it, his concern over all of the new clothes taking over the bedroom momentarily forgotten. “Mmm, I think I have yet to see you in a pair of those that you didn’t look super fine in.” He looked down at Cheese. She was wiggling in his arms. “Has she been out? Can we put her in the kitchen? And then we have to do something with all these clothes, because you can’t be showing me panties and thinking that I’m not already undressing you in my head.” 

Chester pulled his joggers up as he turned around. “I took her out, but that was a few hours ago. If you want to take her, I’ll put all this stuff away, and I’ll be ready for you when you get back.” He took the few steps forward to get right in front of Mike. Even though Cheese was trying to sniff his hand, Chester dodged her touch so he could tickle his fingers over Mike’s beard. “I’m glad you’re home early.” 

“Skipped the library for you,” Mike whispered, his lips chasing Chester’s hand. “I swear, it’s not right to show me your underwear and then tell me to take the dog out. I see how it is.” He narrowed his eyes and looked around for Cheese’s harness. “I think you enjoy teasing me, Chester Bennington.”

“Maybe,” Chester said with a smirk and a shrug as he started to gather the clothes up from the bed. “Actually, I’m not that evil. I wasn’t planning on showing you till later, but you brought them up. So technically, this is your fault.” He was joking, and he couldn’t help but spy on Mike from the corner of his eye, just waiting to see how his lover would react. 

“Hmmpf.” Mike huffed a breath as he stole a look at Chester’s ass. “How was I supposed to know you were wearing those?” He spied Cheese’s harness and leash on the top of the dresser and grabbed it. “I’m gonna get her outside, and as much as I love her, she better not take forever.” He carried the dog to the couch to put her harness on, and looked over his shoulder toward the bedroom. “If you have a sec, can you put the gate up? I suck at it.” 

“Anything for you, Sexy Boy!” Chester hollered as he laughed. _How’s he going to survive while I’m gone? I made all his meals, so I know he won’t starve._ His teasing mood drifted to something more serious as he finished pulling the clothes from the bed, leaving them neatly in three piles by the dresser. He would pack them in the morning before heading to the airport. 

He heard the front door open and then close, and he headed out to the kitchen. He quickly ran through everything he’d cooked ahead for Mike to eat. There were containers stacked in the small refrigerator with four days worth of dinners, but everything else was going to be on Mike. _He’ll have to do everything for Cheese while I’m gone. Usually we split the puppy work, but I’m not going to be here._

He grabbed the baby gate from the crevice they kept it in when they weren’t using it, the space between the refrigerator and the wall. He had it set up and latched - ready to go - before Mike was even back from taking Cheese out. 

Chester didn’t waste any time. He headed back to the bedroom, pulling his red tank top off and his joggers before jumping onto the bed in only his Christmas themed underwear. He stayed on all fours as he fluffed their pillows and fiddled with the blanket, and then laid down on his back, right in the center. He tucked his arms behind his head and closed his eyes as he listened to the quiet of the house while his mind drifted to sexy thoughts of his boyfriend. 

“Come on, girl, do your business,” Mike coaxed the puppy quietly as his eyes darted around the grassy area on the side of the apartment building. He knew that she was excited to see him and wanted to play, and a small part of him felt guilty that he wasn’t giving her the attention she wanted. _But Ches. He’s in panties,_ he whined mentally, watching Cheese sniff all around the grass and then wiggle her tiny puppy butt with excitement. “We’ll play later, I swear,” he promised the dog, and almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth, she squatted.

“Yes, that’s my good girl,” Mike praised. “You’re such a good pupper.” He didn’t care that he was talking to the dog in a sugary sweet, high-pitched voice. For some reason Cheeseburger brought it out in him. “Let’s go. You can chill while Ches and I are in the bedroom. No whining. No ruining the mood,” he instructed as he scooped her up and practically jogged back to the stairs. He didn’t want to wait while she smelled everything between the grassy place they’d just been and the front door. Carrying her was the obvious solution. 

They were back upstairs quickly, and Mike locked the front door behind them when they stepped inside. “Okay, here you go. Remember, we had a deal. No whining, and I’ll play with you later. Chester first, then you.” He giggled at his own joke, setting Cheese down on the opposite side of the baby gate and unhooking her harness. It only took a second to drop a chew stick and her little stuffed toy next to her, and Mike looked away from her sad puppy face as he left her in the kitchen. He wasn’t going to let their dog make him feel guilty. 

“Ches, I’m washing my hands and then I’ll be there,” he called toward the bedroom. “Even if there’s clothes on the bed, I don’t care!” 

“The bed is totally clothes free!” Chester yelled back. “Well, other than my sexy-ass panties. Everything else is gone!” 

Mike didn’t even give himself a glance in the mirror as he hastily washed his hands and dried them, leaving the hand towel in a heap next to the sink. There would be time to hang things nicely later. He was unbuttoning the cuffs of his flannel when he stepped back into the bedroom. Chester was right. The bed was free of everything but his lover in the center, in the red panties he’d only gotten a peek of a few minutes earlier. Now they were on full display, and Mike saw they were the style he really liked - the boy cut briefs that fit so snugly and cupped each of Chester’s ass cheeks so perfectly. Right now he couldn’t see the back view, but he knew it was enticing. “Look at you,” he mumbled, stepping close to the bed and dragging his shirt off, tossing it to the floor. “These red panties against all of this skin.” 

Chester pulled his legs up, his feet flat on the bed. He ran his hands down both his inner thighs before he teased himself through the silky underwear. “I tried to find a pair of flannel ones,” he said, his eyes closed. He knew Mike was watching every single move he made. “But these caught my attention instead.” 

Mike watched Chester’s hand moving slowly as he unbuttoned his jeans. “Flannel. Sounds… hot.” He shoved his jeans to the floor and got on the bed next to his boyfriend, first one knee and then the other. He was still in his dark blue t-shirt and his boxers, but that wouldn’t last long. There was already an urgent electricity between them, and Mike reached out to swat Chester’s hand away from the panties. “Stop,” he ordered softly. “You’re taking away all of my fun.”

As his hand covered the front of Chester’s panties, Mike watched his boyfriend’s face. Their eyes locked as he teased around the shape of Chester’s hidden cock that was just starting to join the game. “I’ve been thinking about this all day. I could barely keep my mind on class. All I could think about was you.”

“Mmmmm, I like that,” Chester purred. He slid his hand over Mike’s nearby leg, from his knee up his thigh, and under the hem of his boxers. “Fuck, I love the way you touch me.” Chester shut his eyes as he moaned, as he felt his dick getting harder with every stroke from Mike’s hand. Being fondled through the silky fabric was one of Chester’s favorite things about wearing panties. Silk, lace, even thin dainty cotton panties brought a different sensation from his normal underwear. 

His back arched a little on the bed, his head going further into the pillow while his hand clung to Mike’s thigh. It was their last night together, and it seemed both of their moods were falling towards something a little more animal, a little more wild tonight rather than slow love making. Chester was a fan of both sides of their sex life - he always had been - and over the last few months since they’d been back togehter, they had been working hard to find a balance to it all. A balance that worked. That was satisfying for them both. 

Somehow Mike got himself laid down next to Chester, his hand still rubbing over the panties. He propped his head on one hand and watched the rise and fall of Chester’s stomach while he lay submissive under his touch. Everything inside him wanted to get Chester up on his hands and knees and get them both off - hard. Mike pressed his fingers down a little harder and watched Chester’s erection take shape under the red panties before he leaned over and tickled his chin across his boyfriend’s cheek as he whispered in his ear, “ _fuck_ , Ches, I love the way your cock feels in panties. I’m gonna make you wet.” He let his lips brush against Chester’s earlobe with each word, and he leaned closer, rubbing his covered dick against Chester’s thigh. 

Chester’s eyes were closed as he let himself be consumed. He turned his head, getting his lips and teeth around Mike’s earlobe and the gold hoop earring that lived there. He sucked and pulled with his mouth as his hips bucked with each stroke from Mike’s skilled hand. He could feel the damp spot forming on his tip, and leaking onto the thin silky fabric of the panties. The moment Mike’s thumb rubbed over his mushroom head, putting pressure on his slit, Chester’s lips popped open and he moaned. Loud. He nails dug into Mike’s leg, which he was only half holding onto as Mike humped against him. 

“Fuuuck, Sexy Boy,” Chester mumbled as he twisted, rolling onto his side. He shoved his ass up against Mike’s crotch. He could feel how hard - how ready - his boyfriend was. Mike’s hand never left the front of the panties as he leaned over him. Chester could feel Mike’s hot breath on the back of his neck. 

Now it was Mike who moaned as his dick nestled right between Chester’s ass cheeks. He kissed down the back of Chester’s neck, then across, giving the sexy space where his shoulder and neck met a nip with his teeth. Mike heard the light gasp from his lover, felt the beginning of the damp spot on the panties he wore, and closed his eyes. His hips pushed into Chester’s in a rhythm that wasn’t fast or slow, but sent sparks of arousal through his legs.

Without saying another word, Mike pulled his hand away and shifted, rolling Chester the rest of the way over onto his stomach while he stretched over top of him. He was careful not to press Chester’s arms and hands into the bed, keeping his weight on his arms and his lower half so that if it didn’t feel good, or wasn’t what Chester wanted, his boyfriend could move. Mike rolled his hips forward, pressing his cock to Chester’s ass while he kissed a trail down his spine as far as he could reach.

Chester’s cheek was on the blanket, his arms stretched over his head, his hands hidden under the pillows he wasn’t quite on anymore. He lifted his ass to meet Mike’s hips. The feel of his lover’s hard cock pressing directly between his butt cheeks was sensational, but he wanted more. His back curved as he started to prop himself up on his knees a little more. He shoved his hand under himself to touch his cock that was steadily dripping as Mike’s thrusts grew stronger. If the panty barrier wasn’t there, Mike’s tip would already be inside him. 

Mike felt the arch of Chester’s back and slid an arm around his waist, pulling him up a little more, a little closer. “Of all the things you do,” he husked, “wearing these turns me on the most.” He braced his weight on his knees and let his other hand slide over to push Chester’s hand away again so he could touch him through the panties. They were wet - as he’d promised he’d make them - and clinging, and it was a feeling Mike loved. The weight of Chester’s cock in his hand was a contrast to the lightweight fabric, and Mike leaned back, pulling Chester with him, letting his boyfriend’s weight lean against his body. Chester’s head went back to rest on his shoulder, and Mike turned his lips into the taut muscle there, sucking a warm red spot into his skin while his fingers played along and under the edges of the panties. 

The feeling of being cradled against Mike’s body was one Chester loved. He let himself be held and fondled as jolts of electricity shot up his thighs and to his groin. “I love you,” he said, his head rolling a little more out of the way to give Mike more space to kiss and bite. “And I love turning you on.” He swung his arm around behind him, trying to touch Mike wherever he could. He felt the fabric of his t-shirt and then the softer material of his boxers. “You have on too much, Sexy Boooooy,” he said with his eyes closed, his words coming out dramatically as Mike’s teeth latched onto his skin.

Mike froze, his lips popping free of Chester’s skin with a soft, wet smack. “Are you asking me to strip?” He moved his thumb over the head of Chester’s cock and could picture his lover’s face, his eyes closed and his mouth dropped open as he breathed. “You better be ready, because once these clothes are gone, there won’t be anything stopping me from being inside you.” The fingers that were under the edge of the panties slid around to cup Chester’s ass, and Mike shuddered with anticipation. 

“Fuck, I’m ready,” Chester answered, and he was ready. He could feel the urgency coursing through his body. It had been five days since they’d last had sex, and the need to have Mike inside of him, to achieve that full feeling as they connected, was overpowering. Chester’s groping hand caught a fistfull of Mike’s t-shirt. He tugged at it. “Get naked,” he stated, his eyes opening as he twisted his head, trying to see Mike’s face. “Get naked and fucking take me.” His heart was already beating fast as he tried to land a kiss to Mike’s cheek, but he got his beard instead, and Chester didn’t waste the effort. He let his teeth come out and scrape over the soft hairs. 

Mike never had to be told more than once. He shoved the red panties down as far as they would go with both hands and ran his hands over Chester’s ass. “This is _mine,_ ” he growled, watching Chester reach for them and get them the rest of the way off while he tugged off his t-shirt. Both articles of clothing went over the side of the bed at the same time, and Mike grabbed Chester’s hip when he went to turn around. “No, stay like that.” He wiggled his way out of his boxers quickly and then had his own dick in hand, smearing the precum there over his sensitive skin. “I want you like this, your ass in the air,” Mike instructed as he leaned over Chester’s body, reaching for their stash of lube in the nightstand.

Chester wiggled a little. “In the air is my ass’s favorite place to be,” he said before he put his attention on his position. He gripped the blanket with both hands, his knees planted on the mattress. The moment he felt Mike’s slicked fingers circling and teasing his opening, Chester spread his legs a little more, giving his boyfriend more room to work. The thought of touching himself was there, but he resisted. He was going to let Mike call the shots tonight. “I’m all yours,” he husked over his shoulder. “Always.” 

Mike looked up from where he was about to push a single finger inside Chester and paused, his fingertip touching the delicate puckered skin. He leaned over close to Chester’s face and gently kissed his cheek. “I love you,” he whispered, taking a moment to remind them both that above all else, the emotional connection they shared was the most important thing to him, even more than the physical connection that he loved. 

Then it was on. He started with only one finger but it didn’t take long for him to add the second, and as impatient and ready as he was, Mike was mindful. Even the slightest tension from Chester’s body was a signal to be careful, and he was much more aware of those signals now. His head was bent forward as he worked with his eyes closed, one hand stroking soft circles over Chester’s lower back while his other hand prepared the pathway for him to join their bodies together. His heart was pounding as he kept himself under control, steady and practiced. “God, babe, are you ready for me?” he panted, his concentration on Chester’s breathing. “I’m fuckin’ ready.” 

Chester tilted his head back, so he could be as close to Mike’s face as possible. “I’m ready. Five days has been a long time,” he whined. “And I’m going to miss you so much after tomorrow.” He looked back down at the bed, at the space between his hands, just as he felt Mike carefully pulling his fingers out. Chester hissed at the loss, even though he knew something better would be next. He was breathing hard, ready for the first part to be over quickly so they could get to the good stuff - the rhythm of their bodies coming together. 

Mike pulled his nails down Chester’s skin as he shifted back slightly to help guide his lubed cock. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” he whispered, pushing forward with one hand and reaching with the other to hold Chester still. He felt the instant heat around the sensitive head of his penis, and the way Chester’s muscles squeezed him tight despite how he’d stretched him. It brought a low, sensual moan from Mike’s lips before he bit down on his bottom lip, holding it tight while he kept himself from charging forward impatiently. His grip on Chester’s hips tightened and his eyes squeezed shut, and then he heard Chester urge him to go on.

Tonight it wasn’t just Mike who wanted it a little faster, a little less carefully. They were both impatient, and they blitzed through the difficult beginning of sex, the push and pause dance they’d perfected so long ago passing quickly until Mike was fully inside. Within minutes he had both hands on Chester’s hips, holding his perfect ass in place while he thrust deeply, the lube coating Chester’s insides in record time. Already his thighs were shaking with adrenaline and he felt warm from the inside out. He was ready to pound Chester into the mattress and give them both a good send off into their four day separation. 

Chester’s front half dropped to the mattress. He was already sweating, his skin moist and sticky. He clawed at the blanket as he moaned, as he called Mike’s name. He felt Mike’s thick cock go all the way in, and the slapping sensation of his boyfriend’s scrotum up against his bottom as he pulled in and out with vigor sent extra streams of pleasure right to Chester’s cock and balls. The ever tightening feeling that was coming on fast was hard to keep at bay. Chester’s knees slid a little further apart as Mike held him. He could feel Mike’s nails digging into his hips, and it wasn’t unwelcomed. Chester grit his teeth as he breathed through them, his nostrils flared like a wild stallion. He pushed back against Mike’s thrusts, wanting his lover to go even deeper. Further. He was on the other side of the pain, the happy place where the switch had been flipped, and sexual gratification and need were clawing at the door. 

“Oh, God, I feel you,” Mike moaned. His head was back and he picked up the pace a little more, no longer holding anything back as one hand left Chester’s side. Mike was careful to land it on his lover’s shoulder, and that was his last coherent thought. Everything else inside his head was focused on pulling Chester’s body into his with each thrust while he leaned forward. He needed to change the angle enough to find Chester’s prostate, but he wasn’t sure he could last long enough. He could feel the sweat down the center of his back and his hair sticking to his forehead, and the muscles in his thighs burned from the exertion. It was a race against time to see if he could find that magical spot deep inside Chester, or if he’d be begging Chester to help him out with his hand. Mike could feel his orgasm coming though he was trying his hardest to hold it back. 

The weight of Mike’s hand on his shoulder held Chester down. His ass was getting a proper pounding, and Chester was sucking up every second of it. His face was scraping against the blanket as he shut his eyes, his balls tight but not quite enough to get him over the edge of the orgasm he knew was on the fringe. It was just out of reach, like it was seconds away as Mike kept going. 

The dark behind Chester’s eyes suddenly turned to the familiar line of images that always zipped across his mind right before he would come - sexy memories and fantasies of his lover. Usually each mental picture was there for a second or two, long enough for Chester to recognize each one, but this time was different. The pictures zoomed by so fast and then they were gone completely, and replaced with flashes of light as Mike shifted, his dick pounding into Chester’s prostate. “Fuck!” Chester screamed, gripping the blanket for dear life. Everything bolted three steps ahead, his balls so tight they felt ready burst and then they did. His orgasm hit right in time with Mike’s hard thrusts. Chester felt his release rush through his lower parts, and out of his mushroom head, his offering gushing onto the blanket. “Yes! Fuck, yes!”

“Fuck yes!” Mike echoed, matching the exclamation with intensity. The pulse of Chester’s orgasm consumed his senses, squeezing his cock so tightly while he pushed through to his own completion. It was with a mixture of euphoria and relief that Mike heard and felt his lover’s orgasm, and it tipped the scales, allowing his own body to let go. He felt the sudden release of warm, sticky cum that went right into Chester’s body with no barrier between them, a sensation he could never get enough of. “Fuck, _fuck_ I love you,” he hissed through his teeth, his hips still moving because his body wasn’t finished. It kept feeling good far longer than the actual physical release, and Mike wanted every second of it. He didn’t let go of Chester’s shoulder until the feeling returned to the rest of his body and he felt the ache in his back.

Mike shook his head, trying to get his hair off his forehead. It didn’t budge, and he gave up immediately, resting his sweaty face against Chester’s sweaty back, their bodies still intimately connected. He could feel the aftershocks of pleasure still rippling through his boyfriend every few seconds, and a smile busted out over his face. “Damn, Chesser,” he slurred, his pronunciation off in his post-orgasmic bliss. “It’s been awhile since we’ve done that.” He fumbled around to try and find Chester's hand, which was tangled somewhere in the blanket. 

Instinctually, Chester reached back, connecting their fingers. He had one eye open, his other pressed too far into the bed to even try to see out of it. “Yes,” he answered simply, his voice deep with satisfaction and exhaustion. “I feel like a pancake,” he mumbled as his body tingled from his curled toes to his still heaving chest. “A sexy pancake,” he amended, though it wasn’t a conscious thought, just his tongue filling in what it wanted. “Full of syrup. Sexy syrup.” 

Chester’s bottom felt full, his legs numb. He knew if he moved at all, everything would hurt, so he didn’t try. He let Mike stay collapsed on top of him as he soaked in the extreme physical closeness that came with anal sex. He knew it wouldn’t last, that any second Mike would pick himself up, and be ready to pull out, and that would be tragic. It was always a bittersweet moment of not wanting to let his lover go, and knowing it needed to happen so life could move forward. They couldn’t stay in post sex euphoria for too long. 

Mike laughed and then groaned. “I can’t even go there. Sexy syrup.” He kissed the back of Chester’s neck and pushed himself up like he was doing a push up, balancing his weight carefully on one hand and his knees. “Hold on, babe, I’m gonna move. And then I’m going to pancake right next to you.” 

It was a tense few seconds, a painful squirm and groan, and then Mike was out. The second their bodies were separated, Chester collapsed, and he watched as Mike did the same next to him. They stayed quiet, the only sound between them was their breathing as they calmed down, as they recouped. Sex with Mike was amazing - always had been - but it was also exhausting and draining in a way Chester had never felt with anyone else. It didn’t matter what position they were in, or who was on top or bottom, or what pace they set. Sex with Mike Shinoda took everything out of Chester Bennington, in the best way possible. 

“I could so pass out right now,” Chester mumbled, his body so heavy he wasn’t sure if he could get up even if he did want to. “Just leave me here, a naked pancake. Go live your life, Sexy Boy. I’m good.” 

“Let’s have pancakes for dinner,” Mike suggested as he felt his body coming down. “I’ll make the pancakes and you make the bacon. Breakfast for dinner,” he mumbled, reaching up to sweep his sweaty bangs off his face. 

Chester’s eyes were closed, but Mike’s wish for dinner played across his imagination. They had pancake mix in the cabinet, but he wasn’t sure if they had any fruit. But they did have half a bag of tiny chocolate chips. He smiled. “Okay. Chocolate chip pancakes,” he said, turning his head and opening his eyes. His hand went right to Mike’s close by arm. He feathered his fingers over his bicep. “And you ate all the bacon the other morning for breakfast. We have some sausage links left, if you want those.” 

It was a crushing blow. A lack of bacon in the apartment was the last thing post-sex Mike wanted to hear. “Well that sucks,” he pouted, reaching over to cover Chester’s hand with his own. “I _guess_ sausage is okay.” It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but chocolate chip pancakes would work out just fine. He hadn’t made pancakes in a while. “I guess if we’re going to do that we need to get on it. I promised Cheese I’d play with her, too. She didn’t like me coming in and dumping her in the kitchen.” Mike turned his head and looked at Chester through half-open eyes. “You want to go first?” 

“Yeah,” Chester strained as he sat up. His bottom yelled at him, but he ignored it as he eased himself off the bed. He yawned and stretched as he stood up, grabbing his joggers, and red tank top before he plucked his underwear from the floor. “These are going in the wash,” he announced with a smile as he glanced back at the bed. He made sure to smack Mike’s leg playfully as he made his way to the dresser to fish out a clean pair, and then he headed for the bathroom.

It was quick work to get cleaned up and use the toilet. Chester was dressed and back out into the living room before Mike had even made it off the bed. “Cheeeeese,” he called in his high pitched puppy teasing voice. “Are you being a good girl out here?” He rounded the bar, and stood with his hands on his hips as he looked down into the kitchen at the face looking up at him, her tongue sticking out as she wagged her tail and stood up to put her front paws on the gate. “I’m such a sucker,” Chester whispered as he bent down and scooped her up. He gave her a quick kiss and then sat her down. “Go on,” he told her, flipping his hand toward the bedroom. “Go get Mike. Go on.” 

Mike heard Chester encouraging their dog to get him right as he was about to close the bathroom door. He left it open a crack to see how long it would take Cheese to find him, and he had to laugh when he saw her nudge the door open with her nose and go right for his feet while he washed his hands. “Hey, girl,” he cooed as Cheese licked his toes. “Stop that!” He took care of his business while Cheese played tag with his feet, giving him a lick and then circling back to the door before attacking again. “Come on, now, let me get dressed at least!” He somehow managed to get cleaned up and pull on his boxers and t-shirt again, even with the tiny terrier trying to play with him. She followed him out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, where Chester was already at work.

Chester was busy with the sausage, and had his back to Mike. “I don’t know who’s worse about wanting to lick my toes, you or her,” Mike teased as he rounded up a mixing bowl and all the things he needed for pancakes. The last thing to grab was eggs from the refrigerator, and when Mike opened it up, he was greeted with a multitude of small containers that hadn’t been there that morning. “What’s all this?” he asked, looking over the refrigerator door at Chester. 

“I had time, so I made you some dinners for the next few days,” Chester said, pulling his attention away from the sausage for a minute. “I didn’t want you to have to eat cereal for dinner the whole time I’m gone. I made you some lasagna and there’s chicken fried steak, and the one is just meatballs, so you can make meatball sandwiches. I bought the special buns you like. And there’s some potato soup. You could probably have that for lunch and dinner. I made too much,” he admitted with a shrug. 

Mike bumped the door shut with his hip, the carton of eggs in his hand. “You’re amazing, you know that?” He stepped up next to Chester and kissed his cheek. “You didn’t have to do that. I survived without you once. I _did_ eat a lot of cereal, though.” Mike frowned as the memory of Chester going to Hawaii crossed his mind instead of the weeks they’d spent broken up. It was almost like he forgot about those sad, hungry weeks sometimes. “Now I’ve got something nice to look forward to at night. Facetiming with you and eating your meals.” He put the eggs on the counter and leaned over, resting his chin on Chester’s shoulder. “I’m going to miss you, babe.” 

Chester leaned his weight back against Mike. “I’m going to miss you, too. And I don’t mind. You know I love cooking for you.” He stayed there for a few seconds, sucking in Mike’s heat, before he stood himself up straight. “But this dinner isn’t going to cook itself. Hurry up, Sexy Boy, I want syrup. I mean pancakes.” 

“Don’t lie, I know it’s all about the syrup.” Mike glanced behind him, happy to see Cheese had given up on his feet and was occupied with her chew toy for a little while. “We’ll get it done before she needs our attention again.” 

The two of them lapsed into comfortable silence, each attending to their own job. Mike could feel his stomach rumbling as Chester pulled the sausage off the heat and placed their portions on the plates where he was leaving a pancake at a time. It took too long to make pancakes in the apartment on the small, two burner stove. He had two on each plate and enough batter for one more pancake, and Mike glanced over at Chester. “You want three? I’ve got enough for one more.” 

“No, you can have it,” Chester said over his shoulder as he searched for the bottle of syrup. “I’ll be lucky if I manage to eat what I already have. Ha! Found it!” He spun around, the syrup in hand as he grinned and then kissed the bottle. “My friend,” he said with the sappiest inflection he could come up with. 

Mike rolled his eyes. “Sometimes I think you love syrup and ketchup more than me.” He was only joking, but his tone came out more serious than he intended. He flipped the last pancake over and smiled. “But it’s okay. I can be second to your Sexy Syrup.” He picked up Chester’s plate and passed it off to him. “Better keep an eye on your sausage. She’s sniffing the air.” Mike looked down at Cheese, who had her rawhide chew between her front paws, but had paused to watch the two of them. 

Chester sat down on his bar stool with his plate and the syrup. He glanced down at their puppy. “We could give her a piece. A little piece,” he redefined when Mike gave him a look. “Or we could be good puppy parents and tell her no. Even though she’s not even begging.” He twisted and picked up the bottle of syrup, flipping the cap open. “And in my defense, I knew syrup before you. I already had a relationship with it when you came along.” He hid his smirk as he started to drown everything - pancakes and sausage - in the sticky stuff that made him lick his lips. He could already taste it. 

The last pancake went onto Mike’s stack and he turned the burner off, shaking his head as he turned around to go sit at the bar. “I guess I should consider myself lucky to have you, then. Even if I have to share you with the bottle.” He made a delicate lattice of syrup across the top on his pancakes before he set the bottle down and dug in. “Mmmm, these are good,” he mumbled around a mouthful of pancake. “And no sausage for the dog.” 

“I’m not arguing,” Chester said as he dragged a piece of sausage through the syrup before swallowing it down. “Thanks for cooking,” he added. “Your pancakes always come out better than mine.” 

“I’ve been making them forever,” Mike said, cutting off another bite. “It would be a shame if I didn’t learn anything from my mom.” He paused for a second and thought about the Saturday morning pancake ritual that had followed him from his parents, to Anna’s, to the loft. Somewhere along the way he’d stopped making them every weekend. “Saturday morning pancakes are, like, a tradition. Maybe one day I’ll get to make them with our kids.” 

Chester stopped. He didn’t look over at Mike, but stayed still for a moment, a bite of syrup and pancake stuck in his mouth. _Kids. Does he mean that? I know we’ve mentioned it before, but never in a super serious way._ He picked up his glass of water and washed everything down before he poked his fork at his half eaten pancakes. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go down the road of daydreaming about kids at the moment. They weren’t even officially living together again, so kids seemed like a wild subject. “I’m sure you learned more than just how to make pancakes from her,” he said, picking his words carefully. “You said she likes little dogs, and you do, too, so that’s something. I’ve seen you take care of Cheese. You know more about it than I do.”

Mike shrugged. “Maybe. It’s funny how we get the things we least expect from our parents. I never thought I’d have a small dog, and here we are.” He looked down at Cheese, who was laying underneath the table. “She’s surprisingly good. I’m glad she’s not begging. We’d have a hard time with her if she was.” He looked back up at Chester, who wasn’t really eating anymore, and tried to figure out what he’d said that changed the mood of their dinner so quickly. He knew they didn’t talk about his parents much - hardly ever - so he was quick to brush it off as that. A subject they didn’t discuss wasn’t one he wanted to get into very much right now. “Anyway… tell me what you’re going to do in New York.” He stuffed another big bite of pancake in his mouth and leaned back in the barstool while he chewed.

“I’m not totally sure,” Chester answered honestly. “From what Forrest and Talinda have said, Ryan and I are just going to be tagging along, being eye candy. We’ll have lots of pictures taken, and we’ll get to answer some questions probably.” He took another small bite, licking the syrup from his fork before he went on. “Other than that, I don’t know. So our days will be busy, and dinner with Forrest and Talinda every night, but after that I can call and tell you all about each day.” He looked over and smiled softly. “And you can tell me how class is going and stuff, too. Give me Cheese updates.” 

“Cheese is going to get on Facetime, too, aren’t you, girl?” Mike wiggled his nose at the puppy, who picked her head up to look at him when he talked to her. “I’ll send you Cheese videos, too.” He snorted at the way that sounded. “If someone was listening to us they’d think we have a cheese problem.” Mike cut his last sausage link in half and batted his eyes at Chester. “You can send me all the sightseeing pictures you want. I wonder if you’ll see any snow,” he mused. New York City proper wasn’t likely to have snow, but he wasn’t sure if maybe they’d see some on the way to the airport. 

Chester shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe. And I’ll send you all the pictures. And we _do_ have a Cheese problem,” he said with a nod to the terrier, who was now standing up and making a soft whining noise. “Pretty sure she’s getting ready to do the pee-pee dance, which I can totally understand.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “When you have to go, you have to go. Hang on, Cheese. Give me two minutes.” He didn’t waste time looking to make sure the dog was in agreement. He stuffed the last few bites of syrupy pancake in his mouth, along with an extra helping of just syrup all over his fork, and then he was up. “I’ll take her out,” he announced, as he rinsed off his plate. “And I’ll wash this later. Are you going to shower?” he asked as he dried his hands. 

“I can,” Mike responded, stabbing the last bite of sausage with his fork. “Then I’m yours for the rest of the night. I’m not even going to study.” He flashed Chester a grin. “I’ll have plenty of time for that when you’re in New York. I wish I could go,” he said again as he stood up to take his plate to the sink. “I know I’d just be in the way, though. I hope you have a good time. And a nice break from here. And when you get home, you better be ready for me.” He wiggled his eyebrows at his boyfriend and took his turn rinsing off his plate. 

“Oh, I’ll be ready,” Chester answered, flashing Mike a return grin. “I bet I’ll be back before you get out of the shower.” He plopped a kiss to Mike’s cheek and then he was off, searching around the living room for Cheese’s harness and leash. “I got it, girl, just hang on,” he told the impatient puppy, who was at the door prancing. 

“I accept that challenge,” Mike called after him, heading toward the bathroom. He knew it was unlikely he’d be finished before Chester and Cheese came back up, but he was going to make a point not to linger in the shower. It was their last night together until the weekend, and he didn’t want to waste it. Before he was in the bathroom he heard Chester leave the apartment. _Damn, he’s quick. I bet she pees faster for him now than she did for me earlier, too. Stubborn little pup._

Chester trotted down the steps, Cheese tucked under his arm as he hummed. He could already feel the sugar rushing through his system. He hadn’t even bothered to put on shoes, but walked down the sidewalk and into the grassy area in his socks. He gently sat the puppy down. “Okay, it’s all you,” he told her, motioning out in front of them. “Pee your little heart out.” 

From the other direction, Matt was returning to his apartment after an evening grading papers in the library. Usually Mike was there on Monday afternoons, but not today, and he grumbled about it in his head the entire way home. It was proving to be much more difficult than he’d originally thought to get close to his student. _I don’t usually have to chase them like this. They come to me. Mike is just a completely different type. I won’t see him until next class now._ Matt had his keys out, ready to go upstairs, when a figure caught his eyes in the dark. He paused and looked out at the grass, trying to see who was there, and realized whoever it was had a dog with them. 

His first thought was that someone was just strolling across campus. It happened on occasion, with the apartments being on the edge of campus and backed up to a city street. Dogs definitely weren’t allowed in the on-campus housing, and Matt was ready to dismiss the person altogether when they turned slightly and the security light from the apartments caught their face. _Huh. It’s Chester. What’s he doing out here so late? With a dog? He brought his dog over?_

Matt watched for a second, straining to see the ball of fluff on the end of the leash. _Must be a small ass dog,_ he decided, and then before he could help himself, he was on his way over. There wasn’t a plan in his head of what to say to Chester, and he really didn’t have time to form one. It was just a few steps over to where Mike’s boyfriend was standing with the dog, and Matt didn’t even clear his throat. “Hey, man,” he said as he approached, and waited for Chester to turn to him. 

Cheese was on alert before Chester was. She was staring the stranger down, sticking close to Chester’s leg as she waited to see what would happen. “Hi,” Chester answered casually. He glanced around the grassy area. “We’re not in the way, are we?”

Matt looked down at the tiny dog. “I’m not sure how you could be in the way with a dog that small. What is it?”

Chester wasn’t sure why this guy was talking to him, but he seemed okay, so it was a quick decision to be polite and give Cheese more time to pee. “She’s a terrier, just a mixed puppy,” he offered. “She came from the humane society.” 

“That’s cool,” Matt decided. “I’ve seen you around, you’re Mike’s boyfriend, aren’t you? Charlie?” Matt knew full well what Chester’s name was, but he didn’t want him to know exactly how closely he’d been watching Mike. Or that he and his friends had entertained multiple conversations about Chester and what he did for a living to drive the sweet car he had. 

Chester froze. _Charlie Bang._ It was an instant connection at the mention of the name _Charlie_. He studied Matt for a second, scanning over his tucked in white polo shirt, and straight, not-in-style jeans. His short dark hair was messy, and Chester put it all together to equal a college nerd who probably had no idea who Charlie Bang or the defunct YRS was. “Chester, actually,” he corrected. “And yeah, Mike’s my boyfriend. Are you in class with him?”

“I’m his music theory teacher. I’m a T.A..” Matt explained, as though everyone in the world knew what those initials stood for. “So we’re kind of in class together, except I’m the one handing out the grades.” Matt flashed a smile. “He’s always telling the guys he can’t go out because his boyfriend’s waiting on him. Sorry I got your name wrong.” He pointed at the dog. “It’s cool you bring your dog to visit.” 

Chester looked down at Cheese. She was sniffing the grass again, and Chester mentally willed her to hurry up. He really wasn’t liking this conversation. _I know we’re not supposed to have dogs here. This teacher guy would see us. I hope he doesn’t give Mike a hard time about it._ He cleared his throat. “Yeah, well, Mike loves dogs. I think he’s mentioned you. Music theory is the one he says is the easiest,” he offered. “But I’m not a student, so it’s hard to keep track of everyone he talks about.”

Matt’s eyes narrowed a little. “Well, it’s easy for Mike. He’s a piano major. Apparently a really good one. Theory _should_ be easy for him.” He scoffed for a second and then tried to put a pleasant face back on for Chester’s benefit. “Well, tell him I said hi. Unless… you’re on your way out? Letting the dog pee before your drive back to?” He let the question linger, giving Chester two options. Admit he was staying the night with Mike, or give a hint about where he actually lived. Matt was excited to see what Chester said next.

“Echo Park,” Chester said, rambling off Amir’s more trendy neighborhood. “But it’s early,” he added. “I just brought the pup out for a bathroom break.” He glanced from Matt to the apartment building. “And I’ll tell him you said hi. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” 

“Matt.” He could barely keep his hands from reaching for his phone to text Dan. “Well, you guys have a good night. I’m sure you will,” he added before he waved at the puppy and turned away, anxious to get to his apartment and tell Dan that one part of the mystery of Mike’s boyfriend was solved. _Echo Park. We knew he had money. Damn! I’m dying to know how Mike ended up with him. Who knew modeling could be so lucrative when you aren’t even big time._

He was barely inside his apartment before he had his phone in his hand, pulling up Dan’s name.

 **Matt:** _You’ll never guess who I ran into tonight. With a DOG. Mike’s boyfriend!_

 **Dan:** _A dog? Where were you? There’s no dogs on campus._

 **Dan:** _What kind of dog??_

Matt nodded his head as Dan’s messages came through rapid-fire. It was the same thought he’d initially had about the dog.

 **Matt:** _Some kind of terrier. Tiny thing. But get this. Chester lives in Echo Park. Do you have any idea what the rent is like there?_

 **Dan:** _Echo Park? No way. Really? If he lives in Echo Park, what’s he doing dating a broke college student? And why isn’t Mike living with him? The worst dump in Echo Park is better than our best campus housing._

 **Matt:** _No shit. The plot thickens, Dan-o. I wish I could get Mike away from him long enough to figure it all out. It can’t be all about the money. But you’re so right. Mike should be living with him!_

Matt plopped down on his couch and looked around. He knew his apartment was almost identical to Mike’s. _There’s got to be something pretty fucking incredble about Mike Shinoda for this boyfriend to give up the posh life on a regular basis. Damn. I’ve got to get him to come out with me._

 **Dan:** _Mike doesn’t seem like the type to be in a relationship for money. He’s too smart for that. So what’s Chester like? Was he a snob? Most models are._

The thought of Chester’s actual personality paused Matt for a second. He really hadn’t paid much attention to the other man’s mannerisms.

 **Matt:** _He wasn’t a snob. Kind of the opposite, actually. Just a regular guy with a dog._

Outside, Chester hiked his way back up the stairs, Cheese safe under his arm. _That was weird. The whole thing was weird. But he knew who I was. That I’m with Mike. So that’s a good thing._ A smile popped across his lips as he opened the apartment door and stepped in. 

He sat Cheese down first as he crouched down and unbuckled her harness. “Good job, Cheesy Girl,” he praised, stroking her head and down her back before he stood up, just in time to see Mike walking into the living room with a head full of damp, towel dried hair and no shirt, just boxers on. “Matt said to tell you hi.” 

Mike froze. “What? Matt who?” he asked, even though he knew exactly who Chester was talking about.

Chester motioned over his shoulder at the door. “Matt. He said he’s your A.T. or something.” He shrugged. “He saw me and Cheese and stopped to talk.”

“T.A.” Mike corrected as he looked over at the door. “He’s the one I told you about before. That’s always trying to get me to go out with the graduate students. I didn’t even know he knew who you were. I mean, I talk about you all the time,” Mike hurried to say, stepping over to the couch. “I just didn’t know he’d ever seen you. That’s so weird. Did he know it was you before you told him? I’m so confused.” He dropped down on the couch, and Cheese came straight over to him. Mike reached down to pet her but kept his eyes on Chester. 

“Um, yeah,” Chester agreed as he stepped around the coffee table and plopped down on the couch, looking over at Mike. “He knew who I was. He called me Charlie,” he said with a short huff and an eye roll. “But he knew I was your boyfriend.” He reached over and tapped Mike’s bare knee. “And he mentioned that you always turn down going out because you’ve already got something sexy at home.” He raised his eyebrow comically.

“Well he’s not wrong about that.” Mike wiggled his eyebrows back at his lover. “So weird though. And to call you Charlie…” He shook his head. The idea of Matt talking to Chester, knowing who he was, or worse - knowing about Charlie Bang - was distressing. _He always seems to show up at the library when I’m there. I wonder if he’s seen us together. Well, he would have had to, to know Ches by sight. In the dark._ The thought left him feeling uneasy. “And damn, that means he saw Cheese, too.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Chester assured him, leaning back with a sigh. “He thinks she’s my dog and I just brought her over for a visit. I didn’t tell him that,” he added quickly, sitting forward, his hand going out toward Mike. “I didn’t lie to him. He assumed. He asked where I live. Come to think of it, he was being a nosey fucker.” He cocked his head in thought. “Is that because he’s a teacher? He’s probably like that with everyone.” 

Mike picked Cheese up from the floor and held her on his lap. “I guess. I have no idea.” He looked down at the small puppy who already owned his heart. “I just don’t want him to say anything about Cheese. I wouldn’t be able to give her up, already.” The need to keep Cheese a secret had been strong, and now someone else knew. _God, I’m breaking all the rules. Chester practically lives here, and now Cheese. If Matt turns me in, I’m screwed._ “I think he’s going to be cool about it, but it sucks that he knows.”

“He didn’t seem upset. And if anyone asks, just tell them Cheese is mine and I bring her over sometimes. No big deal.” He sat back again, leaning his head against the couch, his eyes shut. “Just thinking about flying tomorrow is making me nervous. This will be the first time I go on a trip with Forrest.” He shivered before he mumbled, “I’m sure it will be different from Mark.”

All of the concerns about Cheese were suddenly minimized as Mike heard Chester utter Mark’s name. “Of course it will be, babe. Forrest seems like such a great guy. And you’ve worked there for a year now and nothing even remotely inappropriate has come from him.” Mike leaned over to peck a quick kiss to Chester’s cheek. “You’re going to have a great time,” he encouraged. 

Chester opened his eyes with a smile as he looked at his boyfriend. “You’re right,” he agreed, a calm feeling following Mike’s statement. “He’s been totally up and up the whole time.” He reached over and shoved Mike’s bangs from his eyes. “Thanks,” he whispered, and he meant it. It was a boost to his heart and spirit to hear his boyfriend being honestly encouraging, even over a subject he knew could be touchy. “Now we just have to hope Talinda and Ryan can keep from spilling the beans about living together. I don’t think Forrest would be in favor of that. Even though they’re just roommates. Did I tell you I get my own hotel room?” he asked without even taking a breath. “We all do. Forrest said it’s bad practice to make people bunk together, saving money or not. That when work’s done, you shouldn’t have to be around the person if you don’t want to. How cool is that?”

“I _love_ that,” Mike said instantly. “We’ll be able to talk privately, and he’s so right. You should have your own space to unwind. See? Everything sounds like it will be so nice. And maybe, next time you take a trip, it will be on a break and I can go, too.” Mike smiled at the thought of tagging along on one of Chester’s business trips. “Do you think he’d make me dress like you, too?” 

For half a second, Chester tried to imagine Mike in the latest Score attire, but he just couldn’t. “No,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “If you ever get to come along, you’d probably be on your own while I’m on the Score clock, but when I’m done each day we could do whatever we’d want. But you could come to dinner every night with us. I can see it now...you could sleep all day in the dark hotel rooms, and then I’d come wake you up just to eat.” He poked Mike’s arm playfully. “It would be a blast.”

“It sounds like heaven.” Mike sighed, thinking of cold, dark hotel rooms and sleeping until noon… or five in the evening. “I’d be well rested when you returned, too,” he smirked before he stood up with the puppy. “On that note, we need to put this girl to bed and go on to bed ourselves. You’ve got a big travel day tomorrow and I know you don’t want to be tired for that.” He waited for Chester to stand up and follow him into the bedroom, flipping off the lights as they went. 

Chester yawned. “I do. And I have to pack in the morning. I brought everything from my other place over that I want to take, even though I’m still undecided on shoes. It’s a problem,” he decided as he went to his side of the bed and started to shed his clothes clear down to his birthday suit. He climbed into bed, lying down on his back. He could still feel his system buzzing a little from all the syrup, but it didn’t seem too bad. He was hoping he could fall asleep. “I hope I can fit everything I want to take. Between the suitcase and my backpack, it should be enough though.”

Mike knelt down between the bed and the wall and helped Cheese settle into her pink zebra bed. “I’m sure you’ll make it work. You might have to cut back on shoes, though,” he teased as he gave the puppy one last pat on the head before climbing into bed next to Chester. “That’s what takes up so much space. Shoes. I bet you could do a four day trip with the pair on your feet and one extra. That would probably help,” he suggested, turning off the lamp before he could see the scandalized look on Chester’s face.

There was a gasp from Chester’s side of the bed as he sat up. “What? Mike. Sexy Boy. Please,” he said, his hand on his naked chest. “Life doesn’t work that way. One pair of shoes for four days. No. I just, I can’t even.” He shook his head. “What would happen if I wanted to wear blue, and all I had were orange shoes? Ugh. No. Just, I can’t live my life like that.” He laid back down, forcing himself to stop the rant. He knew Mike had heard it all before, and each time Chester always felt the need to defend his lifestyle of fashion and shoes. “It’s like you don’t know me at all,” he added, nudging Mike’s foot under the blanket playfully.

“Oh, I know you,” Mike whispered, rolling onto his side and putting his arm around Chester’s waist. “I know that you’d sacrifice clothes for shoes if you knew you could go shopping when you got there.” He dropped a small kiss on Chester’s naked shoulder. “I know that the outside pocket of your suitcase will have belts and socks in it.” He kissed a little further down Chester’s arm in the dark. “I know that you’ll put a spare belt in your backpack, _just in case_ , and that the underwear you take will match your socks perfectly.” He nuzzled his face into Chester’s skin. “I love how crazy you are with your clothes and shoes, even though I tease you. You’re always the show stopper when I’m with you.” 

Chester smiled through the dark. He turned his head to return the kiss, his landing right on Mike’s lips. “Okay. I guess you _kinda_ know me.” He let out a long, slow breath before he kissed Mike’s face. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” They were silent for a minute, and Mike listened to Cheese moving around in her little bed until she settled down again. “You know, you’d probably have an easier time packing if all of your stuff was here,” he said cautiously. Over the past few months more and more of Chester’s things had appeared at Mike’s apartment, but his boyfriend still technically lived at Amir’s. Things had definitely not just settled back into the way they were before the two of them broke up, but had gradually gained more stable ground, one day at a time. Mike was acutely aware that Chester was holding on to his independence, and that the trust he was working to rebuild was yet to be completely healed. “I don’t have much to offer in this space, but I’ll share what I have. I’ll help you find room for all your shoes if you’ll come live with me again.” 

Chester pulled his piercing into his mouth, sucking on it as he thought. It wasn’t the first time the idea of him completely moving into the campus apartment had been brought up. A big part of Chester wanted to say yes. To rejoin their lives completely and really start back on the track where they had been two years ago, before things had changed, and Mike had picked Jason. Before Chester’s heart had been crushed. 

He closed his eyes, listening to the stillness of the room. He knew his boyfriend was wanting him to say yes, but Chester wasn’t ready yet. “I think living here full time would be great,” he offered softly as he searched for Mike’s hand. “But...I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet. For right now, I think it’s better if I keep my room at Amir’s, in case I need it.” He heard the intake of air come from Mike, and Chester quickly rolled over on his side so they could face each other, even in the dark. “I mean, if that Matt guy says something. I’m not supposed to be living here, you know? I don’t want to get you in trouble. And, well, it’s more than that.” He dropped his eyes to the solid black space he could see between them. “I’m not trying to bring up the past, Mike, I’m not, but after everything that happened, I need us to take things slow. Since we’ve been back together, everything has been great. Better than great. It’s been _fucking_ great. But what happens when it’s not? What happens when we get into a fight or we go through a few days or weeks of not getting along or things being tense? Everything fell apart last time, and it still worries me.” 

It was as honest as he could be, and he could only hope that Mike would understand. He loved his boyfriend - more than anything in the world - and he didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But one thing Chester had learned through all that had happened is that he had to look out for himself. Going back into a relationship with Mike blindly would do him no good. He had to keep his eyes open to reality, and reality told him that when things got hard between them, Mike had sought love from someone else. 

Mike was grateful for the cover of darkness, so Chester couldn’t see his face as his heart sank. His past transgressions were a part of their everyday life now, always would be, and it was a reality he couldn’t escape. It was hard to come to terms with the damage he’d caused with Jason, and there were days that Mike wished he could forget how careless and selfish he’d been. For him there were stretches of time where it felt as though they had never been apart. Days when he could ignore what he’d done with Jason and pretend that the positive changes in his relationship with Chester were part of them maturing and growing together. But he knew that Chester would never feel that way about the way they were now. All of the positive changes had come _after_ Mike’s betrayal and subsequent realization of just how thoroughly he’d fucked everything up. The two of them had experienced their short break up completely differently, and Chester declining his tentative invitation to live together again was a stark reminder that they were still in two different places. 

“It’s not going to happen, Ches,” Mike whispered, squeezing his hand lightly. They were so close he could feel Chester’s breaths on his face. “I know that only time will make you believe me now. I wish I had protected the trust you had in me before… before everything.” He couldn’t make himself say Jason’s name, didn’t want to acknowledge him in their intimate conversation. “Whenever you’re ready, babe, I’ll be right here. We’ll find a place for all your stuff and when we fight we’ll talk it out. When it gets hard we’ll go through it together. I just want you to know when you feel ready, I’m here. I want it to be the three of us. Me and you and Cheese.” 

Chester squeezed Mike’s hand back. It was a relief to hear his boyfriend sound supportive and patient, rather than upset or worse, accusatory. “I’ll let you know,” he promised. “When I’m ready, you’ll be the first person I tell. Well, maybe the second. Cheese might find out first if you’re not here when it happens.” He leaned his head in and plopped a soft kiss to Mike’s lips. The thought to add, ‘I’m sorry’ was there, but he pushed it away quickly. He wasn’t going to apologize for how he felt. Not over this. “Until then I get to keep telling people I have two houses. My trendy place over in Echo Park and my small apartment close to USC.” 

Mike chuckled softly and snuggled closer, his knees bumping into Chester’s before the two of them laced their legs together. “I wish it was one trendy place in Echo Park. Maybe someday.” He kept his voice light, despite his disappointment. “Someday, when I’ve graduated and we’ve got some money finally. And then I can take vacations with you and we can go see some great cities together. Or go skiing!” A little edge of excitement worked its way into Mike’s thoughts. There had been a few skiing vacations with his parents and Mike had always loved snow. In his head he could already picture the way Chester would look with snow falling on his dark curls. “I’m so jealous you might see snow in New York. You have to promise you’ll take a picture if you do.”

Chester was already lazily drifting his hand up and down Mike’s naked arm, his mind drifting into daydreams. “I will. Promise. And I can’t wait till we can go places together. I’d like to try snowboarding. You and me and Cheese all bundled up by a fire some place. That would be awesome. I bet you can find a flannel looking heavy coat. I know they make snow hats that look like that.” He scurried his fingers up to Mike’s shoulder and then under his chin with a smile. “We’d have to get Cheese a doggie winter coat. And boots.” 

“Oh my god, she’d be so cute.” Mike’s eyes were closed under Chester’s touch and he smiled at the thought of dressing up their dog. “I can teach you, Ches. We’ll start on the small slopes while Cheese lounges in the cabin. Your cheeks will be all pink in the cold and your fingers and toes will get cold, we’ll have to come back and warm them up together. It sounds like Christmas,” he said softly. “Wherever we go, I want a Christmas tree.” He lightly dragged his fingernails down Chester’s back. “We can wrap up presents for Cheese, too.” 

Chester shivered, a light moan following Mike’s nails. “I’d like that. We should get stockings this year. We’ve never done that. We can hang them up in the living room.” He kissed the side of Mike’s face, and then close to his ear. “Maybe we can take a long weekend trip when you go on winter break. We can go up to Northern California. We’ll drive, and take Cheese with us.” He kissed the shell of Mike’s ear, and then down to the gold hoop earring. “They get snow up there, Sexy Boy.”

Mike dragged his nails up and back down again while Chester played with his earring, enjoying the attention they were giving each other. “I’m gonna throw snowballs at you,” he breathed before he turned his face into Chester’s and kissed him. “We should go to sleep, you know. Tomorrow morning will come early, with Cheese needing to pee and you needing to pack.” He slid his hand down to Chester’s naked rear end and cupped one butt cheek in his hand. “I can’t keep touching you this way… we’ll be up all night.” 

Chester threw his leg over Mike’s, pulling him close, and pressing his naked cock right up against the front of Mike’s boxers. His hand went around to the back of Mike’s head, and up into his shaggy dark hair. “I’m going to miss you,” he said, bucking his hips as he nuzzled his nose to Mike’s beard. “I’ll probably regret it in the morning, but I want to touch more than I want to sleep. Being away from you always sucks balls.” He massaged his fingers into Mike’s scalp as they kissed, his eyes closed. He knew his boyfriend was right. Morning was going to come early, and he knew he would be up in a few short hours, taking the dog out to pee, and then packing in a hurry to make it to the airport. But right now, that didn’t matter. Being close was more important.

****

TBC


	10. Unwelcome Guest

Chester yawned for what felt like the hundredth time as he sat in the airport terminal. It was just after eight, and even though that wasn’t super early, he already felt the strain from the morning and the break in routine. He had gotten up with the sun, taking Cheese out for her early morning potty break and then being quiet as he snuck around the small apartment, trying to pack and get ready without waking Mike up before his alarm. 

It hadn’t worked, which was okay. It had meant a shower of goodbye kisses, and last minute “I love yous” as Chester took his roller suitcase and leopard print backpack out to his car. It was going to be a long four days, and even though Chester was excited for the trip itself, he was really going to miss his boyfriend. They’d never been good at being apart. 

“Chazzy, here.” 

Chester looked up as Ryan sat down next to him, handing off a fresh cup of coffee. They still had thirty minutes before it would be time to board the plane. “Thanks,” he said as he took the disposable cup. He could already smell the rich, sugary brew and it brought a smile to his face. 

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Ryan quietly asked as he took a small sip from his cup before he nodded toward Talinda and Forrest, who were just across the way. Talinda was in the middle of putting on her makeup, and she had things everywhere - eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, her big brush and a massive mirror that Ryan wasn’t sure where she was going to put it when it came time to board. The two empty seats on either side of her were cluttered, and Forrest was one seat down from that, looking through his phone, trying to catch up on emails while they waited. 

“What’s weird?” Chester whispered back as he glanced over at Ryan. It was nice to see him looking better. His dark hair was styled, his sexy scruff in line. He was wearing the matching outfit to Chester’s - the white long sleeved shirt with the heavy black lines down the arms - even though Chester couldn’t see it. Ryan had a dark hoodie on, his Score appointed winter coat packed away, just like Chester’s. It was way too hot in L.A. for that kind of stuff. 

Ryan shrugged. “Just the way this feels so different from when we’d go places with YRS,” he answered quietly. “I still can’t believe we’re all flying first class. I’ve never flown first class. You know Mark and Jay always would, and we’d be stuck in coach.” 

“I know. I’m excited for that,” Chester agreed quickly. He looked Forrest’s way. “And we get our own hotel rooms. Mark never would have shelled out the money for that. Do you remember when we went to Vegas? He had both of us and Devon and Josh crammed into that one cheap-ass hotel room. That was awful.” 

Ryan chuckled around his coffee. “I do remember that. I remember the strip club we went to that one night. All the dollar bills we stuffed into those guys’ g-strings,” he recalled with a happy sigh. “It was fun.” He went quiet for a second, memories of the strip club quickly being replaced by the memory of getting to play a few games with Jason at Caesar’s Palace. They’d made a few bets, lost more than they won, and took turns blowing on each other’s dice for good luck. It hadn’t been hard. Mark was so busy gambling that he didn’t notice his husband was off having the time of his life with Ryan. There had been more than one _kiss for good luck_ , and when they sat at the slot machines, they held hands, secretly and out of view. 

Ryan’s eyes narrowed as the memories stopped, and reality swooped back in. _I wonder if he even thinks about that kind of stuff anymore? Probably not. And why would he? That was a long time ago. He was cheating then. I don’t know why I was so surprised when he turned around and did it to me. Guess he’ll always be like that. It’s a damn shame._

“That part _was_ fun. Those guys could really dance,” Chester said after Ryan had gone quiet. He pursed his lips before sucking on his piercing for a second. “You okay?”

Ryan looked over. “Yeah,” he answered almost too fast. “Chazzy, I’m fine. I’m just drifting through memories. Thinking about Jay. I know, that’s stupid.” 

Chester reached over, his hand going to Ryan’s leg, giving it a quick squeeze. “No, that’s not stupid.” Even though his personal opinion of Jason Wakefield hadn’t changed over the months, he knew that it was important that Ryan deal with his feelings, up to and including finding some sort of closure with Jason. Showing up in Seattle just to have his heart broken, had been the opposite of that. “I think it’s important to remember. Especially the happy memories.” 

Ryan was staring in Talinda’s direction, but he wasn’t really watching her. “If this was a few years ago, Jay would be sitting right there. We’d be flirting from a distance. We got really good at that, you know? Communicating on the downlow. Talking without talking. I could just look at him and know what he was thinking.” 

Chester took his hand back as he sipped his coffee. “You’re better than me. I never knew what in the hell Jay was thinking.” 

Ryan glanced Chester’s way, just long enough to see the sour look on his face. “Admittedly I kinda sucked at it while we were all living at the loft. But before that, we were really in sync. I miss that,” he mumbled, his eyes dropping to the tiled floor. It was a sudden lonely feeling, one Ryan was getting used to. He listened to the murmurs of people around him - all the other passengers who would be on their flight - and the occasional announcement coming over the speaker system. He was surrounded by people in the busy airport, but he was very much alone, and it felt like that all the time. It didn’t matter if Rob was around, or even Samantha O. Or any number of people who came and went when he was hanging around with Rob. Ryan still felt the pang in his chest, that empty feeling that haunted him, and wouldn’t leave him alone.

“Of course you do,” Chester agreed lightly. “You and Jay were really close for a long time.” He was waiting for Ryan to mention Rob, to say something about moving on, but it wasn’t happening. He knew Rob wasn’t the _boyfriend_ Ryan wanted, but he was someone at the moment to his friend, even if Chester wasn’t completely sure about the nature of their relationship since Ryan wasn’t big on giving any details about it at all. But it seemed weird his name hadn’t even been brought up yet. Not even in a casual way, not to say he was going to miss Rob while they were gone, or that he was going to call Rob when they got to New York. Nothing of the kind had been said. “You’re going to find someone great one day,” Chester offered just as the flight attendant announced it was time to start boarding for first class. 

“That’s us,” Ryan said as he stood up, completely dodging Chester’s comment as he slung his black backpack over his shoulder. He watched as Forrest stood up, and Talinda huffed as she started to pack away all her makeup. 

“I hope we get some food on the plane,” Chester whined as he stood up next. “It’s a long-ass way to New York and I didn’t eat anything before I left this morning.” 

Ryan gulped down the rest of his coffee before stepping over and tossing it away in the nearby trash can. “Is Mike going to starve while you’re gone?” he asked, cracking a smile.

Chester did the same, finishing off his coffee and tossing the cup. “No. I made him a bunch of food so he’d have stuff for dinner and lunch if he needs it. He’s pretty helpless in the kitchen and I don’t want him living on cereal all week.” 

Ryan reached over, cupping Chester’s shoulder. He didn’t miss the surprised expression on his friend’s face as all motion stopped and they stood close, looking each other in the eyes. “You’re a good boyfriend, Chester. I hope Mike tells you that. I hope he knows it.” 

“He does,” Chester assured him, just as Forrest stepped over to them, pocketing his phone. 

“Guys, come on, it’s time.” He nodded toward the line of people. “It’s going to be a long flight, and we’ve got lots to do after we get there.” 

****

Matt put down his marking pen and stretched his arms over his head, turning his chin side to side as he sighed. He was tired of grading theory papers. It frustrated him how simple concepts were hard for some of his students, and he knew from experience that most of the freshman music majors would change to something else by the end of the first year. “You’re lucky,” he whined to Dan, who was sitting across from him. “By the time you get these music history kids, my class has already weeded out the losers.” 

Dan looked up from his stack of papers. He was over halfway done grading the tests from earlier, and he couldn’t wait for their pizza to show up. The small, two person table was covered as he looked around and grabbed his open beer bottle. He took a drink. “Thank God. I don’t think I could handle all the freshmen.” He rolled his eyes before he shoved his dark rimmed glasses up on his nose. “Well, there’s Shinoda. He’s probably your best freshman this year.” He wiggled his thick eyebrows as he sipped from the bottle. 

“I hardly glance at his papers now. It’s always a perfect score.” Matt scowled down at the stack he had left. Mike’s was in there somewhere. “He should tutor for extra money. He’s good enough. Though, he probably doesn’t need it. The boyfriend seems like he’s got that part under control. I still can’t believe he lives in Echo Park. I wish _I_ lived in Echo Park.” 

Dan let out a huff. “Must be nice. Live in Echo Park, drive a rad sports car.” He shook his head as he thought about Chester, and all the small bits of information they’d put together about him and Mike over the last few months the couple had been living on campus. “If it was me,” he stated, his hand pressed to his chest over his dark blue dress shirt, “and I had all that money and I was dating a poor college student, I wouldn’t be wasting my time on campus. It just doesn’t make any sense. We know he has money, and our housing is crappy.” He waved around the small living space of the apartment with his beer bottle before he took a drink. “Something’s not right. It just doesn’t add up.”

Matt picked up his pen again and twirled it through his fingers. “It’s Mike. There’s something about Mike, you know? It’s got to go beyond just being smart, or being talented. I’m telling you, he’s interesting. In every way.” He couldn’t figure out why he was so obsessed with getting to know Mike better. It wasn’t just his bet with Dan that made him think about ways to get closer to his theory student all the time. There was something about his big brown eyes and dark hair that kept Mike on his mind more than he should be. “Damn, this pizza needs to get here. I’m going to starve.” 

“I hear that,” Dan seconded, rubbing his empty stomach. He glanced toward the kitchen. The light in there was off, the room vacant looking. He was pretty sure the only thing stocked in Matt’s kitchen was some bread and peanut butter. Maybe ramen noodles or canned soup, but both of those things were big ifs. “Speaking of which, that’s another thing. You said Mike told you that Chester cooks all the time for him. That’s just not fair. Some hot guy who has money and cooks all your meals. Some people have all the luck.”

“Mike seems to have plenty of it. I just don’t get why he lives here. Though I guess he does spend a lot of time in the library and in the practice rooms. Maybe it just makes sense not to drive all the time.” Matt shrugged and flicked his pen across the table, where it landed squarely on Dan’s papers. “I told him he didn’t have to research all the time, I’d happily provide him with all the undergrad music history notes you have.” He grinned at his friend right as they heard a knock on the door. “Pizza, yesss.” 

He got up and crossed the small space to retrieve their dinner, tipping the driver from the on campus pizzaria a few bucks. “Dan-o, I’m so ready to devour this. Grab us new beers, would you?” 

“Yup.” Dan was up and in the kitchen in a flash. He was so hungry, and the sight of empty wire shelves in Matt’s refrigerator was depressing. Other than the six pack of beer bottles, there was a small jar of jelly - which had probably been there for longer than its shelf-life - and some ketchup packets. He grabbed their drinks and turned around, just in time to see Matt shoving papers out of the way to sit the pizza box down. “Naw, man, let’s crash on the couch to eat. Your dining chairs are making my ass hurt.” He sidestepped the table and plopped down on the ugly brown sofa that was comfortable, despite its appearance. He left Matt’s beer on the coffee table as he twisted the cap off his. “Did you remember to tell them extra cheese?”

“Yes,” Matt huffed with an eye roll. He turned away from the table with the pizza box and went back to the couch. “You know as soon as we sit down here, we’ll be playing video games instead of grading.” He lifted the lid on the box and grabbed a slice before he went back to the small kitchen for napkins. “I’m fucking done with all their bullshit for tonight, anyway,” he called over his shoulder. 

“I can go with that. Papers can wait.” Dan pulled a piece of the sausage and cheese pizza from the box. “Oh, hot,” he whispered to himself, just as Matt came back and handed him a wad of paper towels. “Thanks.” He carefully took a bite, trying not to burn his mouth too badly, but he was hungry. “You know, maybe Mike’s place is better than ours,” he mentioned as he looked around the dinky seating area. “With Chester’s money, maybe it’s really fly on the inside now. You know? High end furniture and, I don’t know, whatever well-to-do people buy.”

Matt snorted. “Artwork. Rich people decorate.” He looked around the apartment, which was bare of anything but essentials, before he blew on his pizza and took a bite. It was hot, but good, and he knew the two of them would tear through the large pizza in no time. “But, Chester has that little dog. So maybe not. Little dogs chew shit up. I think.” He shrugged again, settling back into the cushions with a paper towel under his pizza. “It was hard to see in the dark, but the thing barely qualifies as a dog.” 

Dan washed his pizza down with a gulp of beer. “He’s such a stereotype. Fashion model who carries a little dog around.” He was already down to the crust, and he dropped it back in the box to take another full slice. He’d eat the ends later. “I still bet they’ve fancied-up Mike’s apartment. Artwork and lots of food. Nice stuff. They don’t even leave on the weekends. Chester’s always here. Did I tell you I saw one of his Score Clothing ads? Gotta say, it was pretty sexy.” He took another bite as he sat back in his seat.

“No!” Matt’s attention zipped from his pizza to Dan’s face. “Seriously, that’s the kind of stuff you’re supposed to share when it happens! Wow, so he’s really out there in the modeling world. I want to know how they met so bad. Mike looks like he rolled out of some camping supply advertisement all the time, so you know they didn’t bond over clothing.” His eyes narrowed as he considered Mike’s appearance. “Not that I mind. He’s cute in his own original non-L.A. way.” 

Dan already had his phone out, scrolling. He remembered the name of the magazine he’d seen the clothing advertisement ad in, and he was hopeful he could find it. “Yeah, Mike’s about the opposite of fashionable. Ah, here it is. Check this out.” He leaned over, showing his phone screen to Matt. “That’s flame-boy himself, looking damn hot.” 

Matt stopped mid-chew, his eyes raking over Chester’s picture. “I mean, I can see what Mike sees in him, for sure. He’s unique. Sexy. Maybe that’s all it was. They met and were hot for each other. I need to up my game if I’ll ever compete with that.” He sighed as he brushed his clean hand over his hair. “I look homeless next to him.” 

Dan took his phone back, and stared down at the screen for a moment. “I’ve never seen him up close. I didn’t even know he had his lip pierced.” He felt over his bottom lip, trying to imagine what it would feel like. “Tattoos and piercings. It’s crazy what models have become.” He clicked the picture away and tossed his phone to the couch beside him. “And you don’t look homeless. Come on. Give yourself some credit. You might not be a professional model, but you do okay for yourself around here.” 

“With everyone but Mike,” Matt grumbled. It was true. He was used to picking up who he wanted, when he wanted. But despite his hints to Mike, it hadn’t happened yet. “You know, it’s been a day or two since I saw Chester. Maybe I _should_ take your shit over and give it to Mike. Catch a peek of the inside of his place. Maybe get some ideas about how to get that kiss so I can take your money.” His frustrated expression turned to a grin. “I love taking your money.”

“I know you do, but you’re not getting it this time,” Dan remarked, trying not to laugh as Matt scowled his way. “Usually the freshmen you pick up are ripe for the picking. They’re ready for a fling. For some fun.” He shrugged. “I don’t think Shinoda is into that. He’s kinda connected at the hip with his boyfriend. But if you want to try, I’ll run down and grab my notes. You’re welcome to use them.” 

Matt nodded. “Yeah. I want them. But not until after we eat. And then I’ll go get a peek at Mike’s place.” He looked into the pizza box, grabbing the last slice of his half among Dan’s crusts. “Even if he is connected at the hip with Chester, I’ve got a lot of moves. You wait, Mayo, you’ll be handing me my cash soon enough.” 

“Uh-huh,” Dan scoffed. “I’ll believe it when I see it. And I mean _see_ it. I want the proof or no cash.” He slashed his hand through the air before grabbing his last slice. Scheming was making him even hungrier. “We should have ordered dessert, too.”

“I think there’s some cookies in the kitchen somewhere. Eat all your crusts like a good boy and I’ll dig them out for you.” Matt waved his hand toward the kitchen. “And get on with it. I’m ready to go check out Mike’s place. And Mike. I bet he’s in pajamas.” Matt licked his lips, and it wasn’t because of the pizza. 

“Maybe I’ll finish my papers while you’re gone,” Dan decided as Matt got up to search for cookies, which Dan wasn’t sure if he wanted to take the risk of eating. “I know exactly where my notes are.” He glanced down at his leftover crusts. He’d gobble them up after he got back. “I’ll go grab ‘em,” he said, wiping his hands off. “And then I’m sending you to the wolves.” 

“So dramatic,” Matt called after Dan, who was on his way out the door. “You just can’t stand the thought of losing!” His friend didn’t say anything as the door shut behind him, and Matt stood in the kitchen with a bag of Oreo minis that weren’t even open. He knew without looking that there wasn’t any milk. It didn’t matter to him, he wasn’t the one who wanted cookies. 

Ten minutes later, Matt was leaving Dan with the Oreos, two thick notebooks of music books in his hands. It didn’t cross his mind that showing up at Mike’s door at dinner time might not be the best idea when he knocked on the door to the apartment and waited for Mike to answer.

Inside, Cheese was curled up next to Mike on the couch. Her chin was on his leg, watching his every move with her eyes as he ate a second helping of Chester’s lasagna and flipped pages in his music history textbook. _After I take her out and clean up my dishes, I’ll outline this chapter. I’ve read it twice already. I think I can knock out the outline before bed._

He had another bite of lasagna on the way to his mouth when there was a knock on the door. Cheese lifted her head and made a tiny growl, and Mike frowned and looked over. “Somebody’s at the wrong door,” he told the puppy, leaning forward to put his lasagna on the coffee table. He scooped Cheese up and held her to his chest as he opened the door, her little chest vibrating with the not-so-ferocious growl.

“Shhh,” Mike soothed, opening the door and preparing to tell whoever was there that they were at the wrong apartment. “Oh, hey Matt,” he said in surprise, holding Cheese closer. “Everything okay?” He looked behind his theory teacher at the stair landing and hallway, but there was nobody else around.

Matt’s eyes dropped immediately to the dog in Mike’s arms. _Fuck. Maybe the boyfriend is here after all._ His eyes swept over Mike’s blue t-shirt and plaid pajama pants before he smiled at Cheese and stretched his hand toward her. “Yeah, things are fine. I didn’t see you at the library today. I’ve been carrying these around for you.” The little dog had gone still in Mike’s arms, sniffing at his skin cautiously when he placed his hand by her nose.

Mike followed Matt’s eyes down to Cheese, who had stopped growling, but wasn’t licking at Matt’s hand, either. He pulled back just a step, to put some space between his puppy and his teacher. “What are those?” He didn’t remember asking Matt for anything, and he wracked his brain trying to figure it out. 

The space between Mike and the door was the perfect opportunity for Matt to step inside the apartment, and he did so without asking. “They’re Dan’s undergrad history notebooks. Remember? We talked about them before.” He walked over to the coffee table and set them down, next to a plate of lasagna. Matt glanced over the simple furnishings, which weren’t anything remarkable, but his eyes were drawn to the artwork on every wall. _Dan was right. Decorating. Who puts art work on the walls in a college apartment?_

He turned around to face Mike with a smile. “I told you I’d get them for you so maybe you’d get your nose out of the books long enough to come out with us.”

Mike stood uncomfortably next to the open door before he shrugged and closed it, setting Cheese down on the carpet. “I like music history. The work doesn’t bother me.” He watched Cheese keep a safe distance from their visitor, choosing to stick close to Mike’s side. “But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to glance through them.”

“He’s got tests in there too, from Mackey’s class,” Matt said as he continued inspecting what he could see of the apartment. It was clean, and it smelled that way even under the scent of the homemade lasagna in the air. It was a lot different from his place. “All you’d have to do is memorize the answers. He recycles the same tests every year.”

“That’s cheating, though,” Mike gasped, looking toward the notebooks. “I don’t need the tests to get good grades, I’ll just study. Like I’ve been doing.”

“Come _onnn_ ,” Matt fussed. “College is supposed to be fun, Shinoda. If you don’t watch it you won’t know anyone around here. The other guys already leave you alone. I’m trying to get you to be more social. Live a little. It’s not like you’re married.” He squinted in thought as he looked at Cheese. “Speaking of, I met Chester the other night. He was taking the dog out for a piss. I guess he’s around, if the dog’s here?”

Mike twisted one of his hands up in the bottom of his t-shirt. “Um, I’m keeping her while he’s out of town,” he admitted nervously, then rushed to add, “it’s just for a few days.” 

Matt’s ears perked up. “Out of town? So you’ve got some time to hang out with us.” He wished he could see around the corner into the bedroom. Just the feeling in the space led Matt to believe Chester - and Cheese - stayed over more than occasionally, and he knew if he could see the bedroom he’d find clues. 

“I really don’t,” Mike protested, watching Matt look around the apartment. His anxiety was high, wondering if Chester had left anything out that would make it seem like he spent every night in the campus apartment. “I’ve got juries coming up in December and finals soon. I’m trying to finish the semester with a 4.0 and I won’t if I’m out partying. I hear what this place sounds like on the weekend.” He watched Cheese escape into the kitchen and decided to leave her there. _At least she’s on that terrible linoleum if she has an accident._

“We don’t party like the undergrads. How many times do I have to tell you that?” Matt threw his hand up in exasperation. “We’ve got a couple of places we like to hang and drink. Come on,” he begged, “just one beer, one night, to get to know the other guys. It would be good for you.”

Mike shook his head, his lips pursed in disgust. “I’m not a beer kind of guy,” he said, dismissing the entire conversation. “And I’m not sure why I’d need to know your friends, Matt. It’s cool you understand that I’m not an eighteen year old freshman, but I’m still an undergrad. I don’t really fit into the social circles here, and that’s okay. I have enough to fill my time. Studying included.” He pointed to his open music history book and his piece of lasagna, which he knew he’d have to reheat. “I really should get back to it.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying, you might like having other musicians to talk to. I can’t imagine you can talk to Chester about any of the stuff we go through. Just trying to give you an outlet, Shinoda.” He looked back toward the short hallway that connected the bedroom and bathroom. “Mind if I use your bathroom real quick? Too much beer,” he said, not really waiting for an answer.

Before Mike could tell Matt to take the two minutes to walk back to his apartment to use the bathroom, Matt had ducked down the hallway and the door to the bathroom shut. Cheese came around the corner and looked up at Mike with a whine. “I know,” Mike whispered. “He’ll be gone after this, girl.” 

The bathroom was neat, like the rest of the apartment, and smelled like cleaner underneath another smell that Matt didn’t recognize. _It smells like some fruity shampoo or something. And tile cleaner. Weird._ He peeked behind the shower curtain, and his eyes popped at the assortment of bottles neatly lined up on the side. There were two different shampoos, conditioner, two body washes, a face scrub, two shower puffs hanging from hooks, and a bottle of daily shower tile cleaner. _That explains the cleaner. And all signs point to Chester being a regular here._

He quickly used the toilet and flushed, turning on the water to wash his hands. The hand towel looked fresh, which was another thing that was different from his place. He had two, and he used one for half the week and the other until Sunday, when he did laundry. This one looked like it had been replaced today. Matt dried his hands and then had the impulse to wipe the water up from around the sink instead of leaving the little drops on the counter. _This is too clean for a dude’s apartment. Even a gay dude’s._

Matt was about to flip the light switch when the medicine cabinet caught his eye. He couldn’t help himself. As quietly as he could he opened the cabinet, where he met an array of items. Toothpaste, floss, extra razors, bandaids, alcohol wipes, and an orange pill bottle. Matt picked it up and turned it so he could read the label. The capital letters proclaimed the bottle as Chester Bennington’s, and underneath an address for a place in Echo Park and the dosage for Zoloft.

 _Zoloft. Bennington. Chester Bennington takes Zoloft, and spends enough time here he’s got a pill bottle in Mike’s medicine cabinet._ Matt put it back and closed the cabinet, flipping off the light switch and opening the door. He caught sight of the double bed in the bedroom, and the black and red flannel looking blanket on it, before he stepped back into the living area. Mike was snapping Cheese into a harness, kneeling on the floor with the little dog next to him. “Thanks, man,” he offered, motioning over his shoulder at the bathroom. “It just hit me all at once.”

Mike stood up, the yellow leash in his hand. “Sure, no problem. I need to take her out, so…” he motioned to the door. “You first.” 

It wasn’t even a subtle hint, but Matt felt like he’d gotten enough info for the night. “Yeah, Mayo’s waiting on me. Papers to grade, and all that.” He glanced over at the coffee table again, and then walked right in front of Mike, who had already opened the door. “Yellow. Interesting color,” he commented, reaching out to touch the leash. He let his hand brush against Mike’s for a moment, then he was out the door.

“It’s the color of cheese,” Mike said, then clarified, “that’s her name. Cheeseburger.” He didn’t like the way Matt’s hand had touched his, but he wasn’t entirely sure it was on purpose. Cheese was wiggling, ready to go, and Mike followed her out. “Good night, Matt. Thanks for the notes. I’m not sure I’ll use them, but it’s nice to know they’re there if I get stuck. Tell Dan thanks.” 

“Will do,” Matt said, turning to go the opposite way of Mike and back to his apartment. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” He heard Mike mumble some affirmation, then turn his attention to the dog, not giving Matt another glance. It was a short walk back to his apartment, and he couldn’t wait to tell Dan what he’d discovered.

His friend had already started Fortnite when Matt walked back in. “You couldn’t wait for me?” he grumbled, flipping his hand toward the small flat screen. “Pause that. I got inside Mike’s apartment.”

There was no hesitation. Dan paused the game, his full attention on Matt, who looked more than excited. “Well? Tell me. I bet it’s packed with nice stuff, huh?” 

“I mean, not really. Standard couch, coffee table. Nice tv, bigger than mine,” Matt decided, looking his over. “But there’s artwork all over the walls. Nice stuff. Big canvases, they look expensive. Bedroom was standard too, though he’s got a big bed crammed in that small ass room. You know Chester stays over all the time.” He plopped down on the couch next to Dan. “I asked to use the bathroom, there’s tons of stuff in there. Like, eight bottles. You know that’s not all Mike’s. It was spotless. They use _daily shower cleaner_ ” he scoffed. 

Dan shoved his glasses up on his nose. “Who cleans the shower every day?” He shook his head as he twisted on the couch a little so they were more face to face. “I’m sorry, but Mike does not look like the kind of guy who cleans his shower constantly.” 

“That’s my point. Chester lives there. Chester _Bennington._ ” Matt let the full name of Mike’s boyfriend sink in for a second. “I know I’m terrible but I snooped in the medicine cabinet. All kinds of stuff crammed in there, too, and a pill bottle with Chester’s name and address, for Zoloft. Google that. What’s Zoloft?” He leaned over Dan’s shoulder to see his phone screen. 

It didn’t take long, and Dan was reading off the description of the medicine. “It’s an antidepressant,” he summed up. “Holy shit. Mike’s model boyfriend isn’t so perfect after all. Bennington,” he repeated, letting the name roll off his tongue. “That’s a hell of a name. Hey,” he said, flipping his hand in Matt’s direction, “this pill bottle, did it have an address on it? I bet it’s here, right? The apartment address. I bet he was bullshitting you the other night about Echo Park.” 

“Nope. Echo Park,” Matt confirmed. He sat back, leaning into the couch cushions in thought. “Antidepressant. I wonder how that fits into everything. I guess a lot of people take that stuff, though.”

Dan shrugged. He’d never known anyone on antidepressants, so he couldn’t really say. Besides, he was already Googling something else. It was a few seconds of typing in Chester’s full name and clicking on _images_ and boom! His eyes went wide. “Wow,” he said, scrolling through over a page worth of Score ads. “Look at all these. There’s dozens of them.” He leaned over, showing Matt the search results. “And almost all of them are with that same guy.” 

The two of them spent a few minutes looking through the pictures of Mike’s boyfriend with some other guy. “Well, to be honest… this guy looks way more Chester’s type. If we’re just going on looks,” Matt decided. He let Dan keep swiping until he came across a picture of Chester and the unknown tattooed man with the dark hair. “Holy shit, stop on that one!” he exclaimed, leaning close again. “Wow, look at that! Phenomenon,” he read at the bottom of the advertisement. “That’s totally hot!” 

“Phenomenon is huge,” Dan mumbled as he stared down at the provocative ad. There was Chester, completely naked, other than a snug fitting pair of bright red underwear. He was sitting right on top of the other man. Chester was leaned over, their lips touching. “It makes me want to buy some of their cologne. Damn. That’s Mike’s boyfriend,” he stated, like it was a new fact as he pointed to the picture. 

Matt shook his head at the photo. “Take that underwear off and it’s practically porographic.” He sat back, his eyes still on the screen. “But yeah, that’s Mike’s boyfriend. I don’t know if it makes more or less sense now. This Chester guy, on antidepressants, is a tattooed, lip-pierced model. And Mike is… a pianist. God, I want to know how they met so bad. It doesn’t make any sense at all.” He kept ticking things off his imaginary list of points. “And why in the hell they don’t stay out at Chester’s place is beyond me. I don’t get this dude. He’s a model and he shacks up with Mike and this _red and black_ plaid blanket he’s got on the bed. It looked like one of his shirts threw up on the bed.” 

Dan was still scrolling through pictures. “Maybe it’s, like, opposites attract. Some people say that’s a real thing.” His eyes narrowed as his face scrunched. “He’s got at least four different hairstyles in these pictures. Shaved head. Blonde curls. Tiny blonde mohawk. And look, here’s a recent one. Dark curls.” He flipped the phone around for only half a second, just long enough for Matt to see it. “I bet he has professionals doing his hair all the time. Must be nice.” 

Matt was only halfway listening to the hair rant. He didn’t care what kind of hair Chester had, or who was fixing it for him. “And the dog, you know that dog is staying there all the time Chester is. You know what its name is? Cheeseburger. Who names a dog Cheeseburger?” 

Dan looked over. “Cheeseburger? Weird. They’re just weird,” he decided as he clicked his phone to black and picked up the video game controller instead. “Weird and clearly in deep with each other if you think he’s living there most of the time. I don’t know, Matthias, you might not get that kiss after all.” He lifted an eyebrow as he teased. “You’re in competition with Chester Bennington and Cheeseburger.” He almost laughed. 

For the first time, Matt thought that maybe Dan was right, but he wasn’t about to admit it, or throw in the towel. “There’s always a way in, _Daniel._ I just have to figure it out.” He picked up the other controller, ready to forget about Mike and Chester, and music theory for a while. “Now don’t cry too much while I kick your ass,” he said, settling in for the night with his feet up on the coffee table. 

****

Chester laid down on the king sized bed and spread his arms and legs out in every direction. It had been a long day, and he was finally getting some time alone, away from Forrest and Talinda, and all the hoopla of the New York fashion scene. It was even time away from Ryan, who was staying in the room two doors down from his. 

His eyes were shut as he laid still, his body feeling the exhaustion of the time change, and the full day of being on the Score clock. They’d been in and out of buildings, places to eat, and had already met so many people, Chester couldn’t keep track. And it was only day one. “I miss Mike,” he mumbled to himself before he slowly sat up. His room was nice, but nothing overly fancy. Aside from the bed, there was a small round table, a desk, and a puffy arm chair. The view from his room wasn’t bad, he could see part of the city and a few rooftops. The room was decorated in white and gray, everything from the blanket on the bed to the wallpaper and the tile in the bathroom. _At least it’s modern. I wouldn’t expect anything less from Forrest._

He smiled at the thought of his generous boss as he stood up and yawned, and stretched again. He checked the time. _It’s almost eight o’clock at home. Mike should be done eating. I want to talk to him before I crash._

Chester was already in a pair of black joggers and a plain white tank top, his shower done. He grabbed his phone from the table and sat down in the armchair to pull up Mike’s contact. _I want to see him. We talked about FaceTiming. I hope he’s still up for that._

Mike heard his phone chiming from where he’d left it on top of the bar before he started to work on cleaning his few dishes from the day. _I hope that’s Ches._ He hurried to dry his hands and slid across the kitchen floor in his socks to grab his phone. It was a Facetime notification with Chester’s name, and he was already grinning ear to ear as he accepted the call. “Hey, babe!” he said the second the call connected and Chester’s face came into view. “How was your day!”

Chester was all grin. Just the sight of Mike’s big brown puppy eyes and the hair that wouldn’t stay out of them had his insides feeling warm and fuzzy. “Hey, Sexy Boy. I miss you,” he said first. “And so far it’s been good, but really exhausting. I think it’s the time change more than anything.” He could tell Mike was in the kitchen. “Are you still eating? I was trying not to call too early.” 

“No, I just finished with the dishes. I ate some of your lasagna tonight, it was so good. Cheese was all up under my feet while I was eating.” He looked down at the dog and picked her up, bringing her tiny face close to his so Chester could see her in the phone. “Say hi, Cheese!” he cooed in a high, excited voice. “It’s Ches! Say hi to Ches!” 

Chester’s hand was already over his heart. “Awww I miss you both already. Hi, Cheesy Girl! Are you being good?” he asked, and he giggled when their dog tried to lick the phone. “I love Cheese kisses! Mu-wah!” he said, smacking his lips together to kiss the puppy back. 

Mike laughed as he tried to hold on to the excited, squirmy puppy. “Hold on, babe, let me sit down with her. She’s all over the place.” He quickly stepped around the bar and dropped onto the couch, Cheese in his lap. “Okay. She’s excited to hear your voice, I think,” he said, watching Cheese sniff all around Mike’s t-shirt and close to the phone. “I came home early to study so she wouldn’t be alone and she was all over the place. I didn’t get much studying done.”

“She’s so spoiled. Always having one of us there almost,” Chester said. “Aren’t you spoiled, Cheese? Yes, you are! You are!” he said in his best puppy voice. He couldn’t help it. He loved their little dog, and seeing her with Mike just made it hit so much harder. He was away from his small family. “How was your day?” he asked next. 

Mike tried to get Cheese’s wiggly butt under control. “It was fine, I guess. Class was good, and like I said, I came on home. I mostly just played with her, and then Matt stopped by for a few minutes.” Mike paused, his eyes flicking to the door. He looked down and turned his facetime camera around to show Chester the living room, and the notebooks on the coffee table. “He dropped off some music history notes for me. It was kinda weird. But he didn’t stay long.” Mike turned the camera back around so Chester could see him. “I had to tell him I was watching Cheese for you while you were out of town.” He rolled his eyes.

Chester gasped. “Well, fuck. He would show up at the door the one time I’m not there. Did he seem upset? Fuck, Mike, I don’t want us to get in trouble.” He pulled his piercing into his mouth and sucked on it for a minute. He hated that any of this was even a concern. Cheese wasn’t hurting anything. “Hopefully she won him over with her cuteness.” 

“I think it will be fine. He didn’t really pay much attention to her.” Mike frowned. “I don’t know how anyone could ignore all this cuteness,” he said, more to the dog than to Chester. “I don’t know why he thinks I need all these notes, it’s not even for his class. Anyway, tell me what you did today. Have you seen any snow?”

Mike didn’t seem worried, and that made Chester feel a little better as he sat forward. “There’s still some snow on the ground, but it’s not actually snowing here. It’s cold, Sexy Boy. I have the heat on in my room, but it’s fucking freezing outside. We met lots of people today. Oh, and we had pizza! Real New York pizza. Talinda actually ate some after me and Ry gave her a hard time about it.” He laughed as he stood up. “Here’s my room.” He turned the camera around to pan around the hotel room, before flipping it back to himself. “Did you see that bed? It’s huge, just like the one we had in Long Beach. Only I’ll be sleeping in it all alone tonight.” He gave Mike his best pouty look.

“It looks nice,” Mike offered, taking in the clean hotel room. “It’s gonna suck sleeping alone. I have the worst time sleeping when you’re not here.” He pouted right back at Chester. “And the time change sucks, too. You’re probably ready for bed, and I’ve still got to study. We can’t even fall asleep together on Facetime.” Before he gave Chester a chance to respond to his whining, Mike’s brain was on to another topic. “You mentioned Ryan. How’s he doing?”

Chester walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed as he looked at his phone. He really wished Mike was in front of him, not just on the phone. “He’s been good today. He’s looking a little thin, but better than I’ve seen him in awhile. Even Forrest told him he looked good. He hasn’t mentioned Rob not once today, so, I don’t know. Maybe they aren’t spending as much time together or something. He’s laughing and smiling, and shaking all the hands just like we’re supposed to be doing. His room is a few doors down from mine.” He smiled softly. It was nice that Mike had asked. “He’s really excited to be here. I think you were right. Time away is probably going to be really good for him.” 

Mike nodded. “I’m glad it’s working out, Ches. I want you to have fun while you’re there, and not be worrying about him the way you have been for weeks.” Cheese had finally decided to lay down on his chest, her face looking right up at him as he talked. “Look at this,” he said, turning the camera around again to show Cheese up close, laying on him. “She’s good company, but I know she’ll be demanding a bathroom break in a minute. She’s so needy.” 

“She can be,” Chester agreed easily. Usually he took the puppy out multiple times throughout the day, so he could imagine it was an eye-opener to Mike to be carrying the whole load of that now. “I know I worry over Ryan a lot,” he admitted next, his smile fading. “But he’s been so down and not himself. I just hope he’s not depressed. I mentioned maybe he should talk to someone, you know? Like a therapist, but he kinda dismissed that, which also isn’t like him. He’s the one that got _me_ to go, you know?”

“I know.” Mike bit down on his bottom lip and thought about that for a moment. “Maybe this will be what he needs, you know? An eye opener. If he’s away from Rob and having a good time, it might pull things back on track for him.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. It was still hard to talk about Ryan, and harder to admit that what he’d done was part of the reason Ryan had changed so much. “Maybe just keep him busy, Ches. I know you guys have a lot of work during the day. Maybe you should check on him after that. Not tonight,” he rushed to say, thinking of the time. “It’s late. But tomorrow. You know?” 

Chester nodded. “I’m going to. We have some sightseeing we want to do, and some other things. We’ll definitely stay busy, on and off the Score clock.” He stopped for a second, staring right into Mike’s dark eyes. “I love you,” he said, wishing he could reach out and touch his boyfriend’s face. “I wish I was there with you and Cheesy Girl. Or you guys were here. The three of us could snuggle up in this huge bed.”

“God, I wish I was there, too. I miss you so much.” Mike rubbed over Cheese’s back. “I hadn’t thought about snuggling in bed with her. I’d be afraid to roll over on her. She’s just going to have to stay in her bed, and I’ll snuggle with your pillow.” He sighed, and then made a kissy face at the phone. “I love you.” 

“Probably a good idea. If she gets in the habit of sleeping in our bed, we’ll never get her to stop.” Chester yawned. “I hate to say it, but I’m so tired, Sexy Boy. And I know you have to study. I better go for the night. Our day is starting early tomorrow.” 

“Okay. Text me in the morning?” Mike said hopefully. “I’ll be asleep probably, but waking up to a text would make me a lot less lonely.” 

“You got it.” Chester kissed the phone. “Goodnight, Mike. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. And Cheese,” he said before he hung up, “I miss you, too. You be a good girl tonight and let Sexy Boy sleep.”

“Night, babe. I love you,” Mike said before the screen went black. 

****  
TBC


	11. Two Kinds of Troubles

Mike was grumpy. The entire day hadn’t gone the way he wanted. Since Chester left for New York he’d been tired from not sleeping well, and stressed from the combination of classes, caring for Cheese, and keeping things clean. This morning he’d managed to oversleep his alarm, and as he frantically tried to get dressed to take Cheese outside, she had an accident in the kitchen. Once he’d cleaned that up, and taken her out for her business, there was only time to grab his backpack and head to class. He barely made it to group piano on time - without breakfast. 

Now he was sitting in his third class of the day, and Matt had just handed back to him a theory paper with a big red _C_ at the top. His stomach was rumbling, increasing his irritation with the poor grade. _Stupid. I didn’t read all the instructions. I rushed through it and didn’t even finish it. Fuck._ He sat with his arms folded over his chest, his eyebrows furrowed together in a deep frown, as Matt lectured. It was the first bad grade he’d had since he’d gone back to school, and Mike sat and berated himself for not paying attention to his work. 

Matt stole glances at Mike throughout his lecture, but never made eye contact. Mike’s eyes were covered by his hair, his bottom lip in a pout. It was all Matt could do not to laugh at how absurd he looked. Even though he’d been surprised to see such a low grade on his star student’s paper, it wasn’t as though a C would lower his entire semester average. The way Mike was reacting was worthy of a bad final exam, not a simple homework assignment. He decided he needed to pull Mike aside at the end of class and make sure everything was okay, to reassure him that one bad grade wouldn’t sink the entire semester.

Mike never even bothered to open his notebook during class as he zoned out, thinking about how his morning had been terrible and how hungry he was. Theory couldn’t get over with fast enough. He didn’t have any classes for the rest of the day, and he wanted to go home. _Cheese will make me feel better. Her little wiggly puppy butt. I’ll play with her for a bit after I eat._ Mike thought about the containers in the fridge, and tried to remember what he had left. _I miss Ches. Nothing is right without him._

The class seemed to drag on and on until Matt wrote the next assignment on the board. Mike squinted at the scrawl, and dug into his backpack for his planner to write down the next assignment - this time with complete instructions. Tonight he’d make focused time for his work before his Facetime with Chester, and after playing with Cheese. Despite his routine being off the past few days, he was going to get it together and produce quality work.

“Hey, Mike?” 

Matt was right in front of Mike when he looked up from stuffing his planner back into his bag. “Yeah?”

Matt leaned against the side of Mike’s desk. “You okay?” He looked around the room. More than half his students had already left, but he dropped his voice anyway. “I know you didn’t get the grade you’d like on the last assignment. But it’s not like you didn’t understand it, you just didn’t finish it.”

“I know,” Mike said irritably. All he wanted was to leave and get food, and Matt wanted to talk to him about things he already knew. “It’s been a complicated week. I’ve already made time to concentrate on it tonight, the next one will be better.” He stood up from the desk with his backpack in one hand, pulling it up into the seat to zip it. 

The word _complicated_ was an opening for Matt, and he smiled. “You sound stressed. Anything I can help with?” He watched Mike shake his head and sling his bag up onto both shoulders. The corner of his red and black flannel caught on the strap of his bag, and Mike yanked it free with much more force than was actually necessary.

“I’m just ready to go. I’m starving,” Mike whined, his stomach taking over everything. He was the definition of hangry, and Matt was in the way. “Anything else?” 

“Well, if you’re hungry, come with Dan and I over to The Habit. They’ve got great burgers, and they’re quick. I swear it’s faster than walking back home.” Matt glanced at the front of the room. “Fifteen seconds to grab my stuff, tops.” He was already gathering his stuff up before Mike responded.

“I’ve got food at home,” Mike started to say, but Matt cut him off.

“Seriously, Mike. It will do you good. A burger, a beer, a conversation with yours truly.” He pressed a finger to the center of his chest. “And Mayo, he’s a trip.” Matt shoved his stuff into his messenger bag and slung it over his shoulder. “Come on, we’ll meet him there.”

Mike was about to say no again, to walk out behind Matt and turn toward home, but his stomach growled again, embarrassingly loud. “Fine, I guess. A burger does sound really good.” He didn’t add that he would pass on the beer. 

“Have you been here?” Matt pointed at the front of the student center, then the building next to it. 

Their destination was just across the courtyard from the music building, but Mike had never bothered to try it out. Most of the time Chester was cooking meals for the two of them, and on the days when his boyfriend had to leave early or stay late for work, Mike took advantage of the cafeteria where Brad worked. There had been no reason to try the independent restaurant on campus. “No,” he answered truthfully, passing through the door as Matt held it open for him. An uneasy feeling shivered down his spine for a moment but he brushed it off. Matt was just being polite. “Dan meeting us here?” He looked around at the tacky laminate topped tables and plastic chairs, but he didn’t spy the other T.A. in the crowd of people already sitting down with baskets of fries and burgers.

“Yeah,” Matt agreed without hesitation. He was already looking at the simple menu behind the counter. “Know what you want?” He wasn’t going to tell Mike he hadn’t even invited Dan. Once they had their food he’d make Dan’s excuses, and then he’d have Mike to himself.

Mike nodded and followed Matt to the cashier. He was still studying the menu as his teacher rattled off his order, and then turned expectantly to him.

“Go ahead,” Matt said, gesturing at the college student behind the cash register, nodding when the cashier asked, “will this be together?”

“Oh, no,” Mike interjected immediately, shaking his head. “I’ve got mine.” Payday had been last Friday, and he hadn’t spent the small amount he allowed himself to splurge on snacks. He reached for his wallet and pulled out a twenty, and waited awkwardly for Matt to agree. Another feeling of unease hit him, and he looked back toward the door, hoping to spy Dan. _I should go home. Matt can eat with Dan and I need to let Cheese out anyway._ He was again ready to make an excuse, but his stomach was so empty it was practically cramping, and then the smell of onion rings hit him. Mike loved onion rings. He rolled his eyes at himself when Matt took his beer bottle, wrapped in a paper napkin, and stepped back so Mike could order. It wasn’t easy to ignore the disappointed sigh from Matt when Mike ordered a fountain drink instead of a beer. Mike grabbed his paper cup and his change and started toward the soda machine, aware of Matt being just a little too close behind him.

“Sprite?” Matt teased as Mike filled his cup. “I don’t know anyone who isn’t twelve who drinks Sprite, Shinoda.” 

Mike shrugged it off, leading them over to a square table for four. “It’s too early to drink, and I like Sprite.” He pulled out a chair and sat down, putting his order number on the table and trying not to be annoyed when Matt pulled out the chair next to him and sat down. _There’s table etiquette, and he’s not following it. You sit across from someone, not next to them. I guess Dan will sit there. Dan needs to show up._ Mike peeled the paper from his straw and stuck it into his drink, sucking down a few sips immediately.

“I’m just messing with you.” Matt laughed at the expression on Mike’s face. “You’re so different, Mike. Every freshman I’ve taught can’t wait to get a beer, and yet I’ve never seen you with one. Why is that?” He leaned a little closer to Mike, studying his eyes underneath the black hair falling over them.

Mike shrugged again, shifting a little to the side and away from Matt. His eyes darted to the front door again, but there was still no sign of Dan. “Just not a big drinker, I guess. And I’m not underage, like the rest of your _students_ ,” Mike emphasized. “I don’t need to hang out with my T.A. so he can buy me beer.” He shot Matt a pointed look, and frowned when Matt only laughed.

“So true,” Matt managed to say. Mike Shinoda really was different. He had no problem telling the truth. “It’s nice that you wanted to hang out just to hang out, not because I’m old enough to buy you a drink.” He stood up as Mike opened his mouth to protest. “I’ll be right back.”

Mike’s frown deepened as Matt walked toward the soda station, where the napkins and extra condiments were on the counter next to the ice machine. _I’m not here to hang out with him. I’m here because I let my stomach think for me instead of doing what I should have done and gone home. God, I’m starving. I thought Matt said this place was quick._

As if the kitchen had heard his thoughts, the next server out of the kitchen headed over to their table, setting down both burgers right as Matt made his way back. He was flashing his phone in his hand. “Dan’s not gonna make it,” he told Mike as he sat down with a bottle of ketchup in his hand. “Got caught up with a student. I told him not to worry about it, we’d be finished before he got here.” He squirted a small amount of ketchup into the side of his basket and offered Mike the bottle.

“Thanks.” It felt odd to take a ketchup bottle from someone other than Chester, and a sharp pang hit MIke’s heart. He was so ready for his boyfriend to come home. They had four days to catch up on, a puppy to play with together, and meals to share. _I should finally go get some whipped cream, too. The kind that comes in a spray can. I can spray it on his nipples and suck it off._ A smile crossed Mike’s face as he squirted an obscene amount of ketchup into his basket. It was far more than he usually used.

“Damn, that’s a lot of ketchup,” Matt remarked, pointing a fry at Mike’s basket. “Good thing I got mine first.”

“Ches loves ketchup,” Mike said instantly. “He puts it on everything. When we first started dating I used to tease him about it, but I think he’s rubbing off on me. It’s pretty good.” He dragged an onion ring through the red sauce and bit into it. It wasn’t as good as Mel’s, but he was hungry and it was decent. He picked up another one and stuffed it in his mouth before he tilted his head at his hamburger.

He lifted the corner of the bun and made a face. “They forgot my cheese!” 

It sounded like the crime of the century coming from Mike’s mouth, and Matt stopped mid drink to look at him. “It’s just cheese. What’s the big deal? Go up to the counter and tell them they forgot, they’ll give you a slice.”

“That’s not the right way,” Mike pouted. The whole day had been terrible, and now his cheeseburger was wrong. All he wanted was Chester. He wanted to lay down in the bed with his lover and pour out all the injustices of the day, and feel Chester’s hands pet through his hair while he called him _Sexy Boy_ and whispered that everything would be okay. 

But Chester wasn’t there, and wouldn’t be until tomorrow. Mike was going to have to deal with all of the problems on his own. “It has to go on the burger while it’s still on the heat, so it melts. Now it’s too late.” He picked up the burger and glared at it, savagely biting off a chunk and chewing it with a sour look on his face. 

Matt watched him for a moment and picked up another fry. “It’s still a pretty good burger,” he offered. He knew it couldn’t be terrible, the way Mike had torn through half of it in the time it took him to eat two fries. “I mean, obviously.” He waved a hand toward Mike’s half eaten burger. “You’re practically inhaling it.”

Mike looked down at his basket. Half his onion rings were gone, and so was half of his cheeseless burger. He glanced at Matt’s basket, which was overflowing with fries, and he’d had one bite of burger. He felt his cheeks turning pink. “Yeah, I eat fast. Sorry.” He didn’t want to apologize. The faster he ate, the faster he’d get home to Cheese, and the sooner he’d be talking to Chester. _Seeing him. I want to see him. He can tell me that tomorrow will be better. Of course it will be better. He’s coming home. I’m picking him up at the airport and maybe I’ll take Cheese, too. She’s missed her Daddy. Her other Daddy._

“Why is that?” Matt asked, taking another bite, dismayed when Mike gobbled down another huge bite instead of answering. At this rate, what he’d said wouldn’t be a lie. Mike _would_ be finished eating before Dan could have walked across the courtyard.

Mike really didn’t know why he ate so fast. He’d never been allowed to leave the table until his parents were finished eating growing up, so he knew it wasn’t something he’d always done. “I think maybe it started when I moved out, and my lunch breaks were short,” he mused, dragging another onion ring through the ketchup and munching on it. 

“You worked a lot?” Matt sent Mike a sideways look. “I know you mentioned it before. Working to save up for school?” He was pretty sure Mike was attending USC on a scholarship, so it wasn’t clear to him still why Mike had started school so late.

“That was the idea,” Mike said, popping the last onion ring in his mouth. He reached for a napkin and wiped his hands off, and then his mouth. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if he had anything in his beard, but he didn’t want to invite Matt’s stare any longer than necessary. “Well, you were right. They were fast. Good thing, I have to get home. I’ve got to take Cheese out.”

It was Matt’s turn to frown. “They would have just given you cheese here,” he said, pointing over at the counter where the servers were picking up baskets from the window and delivering them to the patrons in their seats. “You don’t have to rush home for cheese.” He wanted Mike to stay and chat, but it was obvious that wasn’t going to happen. Not today.

“Not cheese. _Cheese_ ,” Mike emphasized, pulling his phone from his pocket and clicking the side button. He turned it to face Matt, his screensaver a picture of him and Chester on the couch, with Cheese in the middle. “Remember? I’m pet-sitting.”

“Righhht,” Matt sighed, looking at the picture of Mike and his boyfriend, and the boyfriend’s little dog. “But… what does cheese have to do with the dog?” He snagged another bite of his hamburger. It wasn’t even half gone yet. 

Mike looked wistfully at the screensaver, the same picture he knew Chester had on his phone. “That’s her name. Cheeseburger. But we call her Cheese for short.” A smile hit his lips as he pocket his phone and stood up, grabbing his backpack. “Thanks for the idea, but this place doesn’t stand a chance against Chester’s burgers. I’ll just go home next time,” he added firmly, hoping Matt would read between the lines and not ask him to go eat again. “I’m out. I’ll catch you in class.”

Matt kept his face carefully pleasant. “Yeah, see you Friday, Mike. Good luck on the homework,” he threw in for some reason. He knew Mike had been upset earlier, bringing it back up wasn’t doing him any favors.

But Mike wasn’t listening. He only waved, his destination already clear in his mind. He wanted to get home, to Cheese, to the comfort of familiar surroundings, to count down the hours to seeing Chester. _Thank God for Facetime. I don’t know how we’d make it otherwise._ Mike was out the door into the L.A. sunshine without even a glance behind him.

Blowing out a frustrated breath, Matt dug in his bag for his own cell phone. His screensaver was a generic background of geometric shapes. Boring, and not personal. He’d never been in a relationship long enough to take a selfie and use it for his phone. _And I won’t be, any time soon. It’s college. I’m not thirty._ With another exasperated eye roll, he pulled up his text thread with Dan, ready to complain about Mike and Chester while he finished his lunch. 

****

The bar was crowded. Chester made sure he stuck close behind Ryan as they weaved their way through. It was a lot of bodies, even more than what usually lingered in the clubs and taverns of L.A. The space felt smaller, too, as Chester pulled the cuffs of his long sleeve, black and red checkered shirt over his hands, a product of nerves, not temperature. If anything, he wished he had on something lighter - a muscle shirt or loose fitting v-neck. He could already feel the impact of all the body heat. 

Ryan didn’t stop until they were at the bar. He leaned over it, yelling their drink order of two rum and Cokes. He turned around, making sure Chester had stayed with him, and smiled. “You look nervous,” he said, raising his voice just enough to get over the sound of chatter and the music playing overhead - some sort of blend of late 80’s tunes and techno. 

Chester shrugged. “It’s just a lot of people.” 

“Since when are you scared of crowds? Come on, Chazzy, let’s have some fun. I want to drink and dance.” He pointed toward the far side of the bar, where over a dozen male couples were dancing - grinding - up against each other. “It’s been three straight days of Forrest and Talinda all over us. I’m ready for a break.” 

Chester looked back at Ryan. There was no doubt what his friend had in mind. He was dressed to impress, with a tight black muscle shirt on, showing off his arms and tattoos. His jagged hair was styled to perfection, his nails painted jet black to match his snug fitting jeans that sculpted his longer legs. He had on eyeliner and a kickass pair of boot shoes that Chester eyed all the way over from the hotel. It all equalled Ryan Shuck on the prowl, a sight that Chester hadn’t seen since before Jason Wakefield had become his steady and only interest over three years ago. 

Chester glanced down at himself. He hadn’t put half the effort into his own appearance. The checkered shirt, a studded belt and a pair of jeans with matching red cross-stitches around the pockets and seams. He had on red sneakers, and his rose gold I.D. bracelet, and that’s where it stopped. He hadn’t added anything extra - no eyeliner, no nail polish. He had plain red plugs in his earlobes, his brown curls product free. 

“Yeah,” he agreed as Ryan paid for their drinks. “Forrest and Talinda have been really clingy since we’ve been here.” He took a seat next to Ryan at the bar, hopping onto the higher stool. “If we hadn’t told her we were going to a gay bar, I think Talinda would have tried to tag along.” 

“I know,” Ryan huffed with an eye roll. “She’s been on me like a hawk the whole time we’ve been here. It’s, like, don’t we see enough of each other at home? And work?” 

Chester sucked his piercing in. He recalled how much Ryan enjoyed Talinda’s company when he’d first moved in with her. _Guess that’s one more thing that’s changed. But according to her, he’s never home anymore._ “Have you thought about moving out?” he asked, before taking a sip of his drink. It was strong, and Chester grimaced at it. 

“What?” Ryan asked with a giggle. “This is lightweight, Chazzy,” Ryan said, holding his drink up before he took a gulp. “You must be out of practice, and I don’t know,” he admitted with a sigh. “I’ve debated moving out, but you know how the city is. Rent is fucking ridiculous.” 

“God, I know that,” Chester said as he took another sip. “And I _am_ out of practice. We don’t really keep alcohol in the house. Not hard liquor anyway.”

Ryan cocked his eyebrow. That seemed out of place. Chester had always been a fan of rum, and vodka for martinis and screwdrivers. “Is that one of Mike’s rules?”

“No,” Chester denied quickly. “Of course not. If I want something, I can have it. But you know he’s not a big drinker, so we don’t have it around. It’s no fun drinking alone.” 

“Well we’ll change that tonight,” Ryan hooted as he reached over and cupped Chester’s shoulder before slapping a kiss to his face. “Drink up, Chazzy. I’m right here with you.” He leaned back, watching as Chester only sipped his rum and Coke. “Come on. Drink it, so we can get a second one and then we can go dance.” 

“Don’t be pushy,” Chester ordered playfully, and before he could stop himself he was shoving Ryan on the chest with a giggle. “I’m drinking as fast as I want.” He took another sip, this one longer, and along with it came the first tingles of the alcohol. “And what do you mean you’re right here with me? You’re looking for more than a friendly drink dressed like that.” 

Ryan’s mouth dropped open. “Che-ster,” he said, feigning offense. “What does that mean?” He tipped his drink back, almost finishing it off. He wasn’t even feeling it yet. The last few months had built up his tolerance level, something he was only partially aware of.

“You know,” Chester insisted between sips. “You’re all dolled up, and looking sexy. You’re not doing that to impress me.” He pressed his hand to his shirt front. It was on his mind to mention Rob, and before he could stop himself, he did. “Guess things are… _open_ between you and the pool boy?” 

Ryan downed the last of his drink, and immediately ordered another two. He slid the second in front of Chester before taking a large gulp of the tasty mixture he loved and craved. “Open is a good word for it. We’re not really together, Chaz, so I’m free to be with anyone I want.” He reached, intending to touch Chester’s arm, but his hand landed on his thigh instead, and he gave his friend a tight squeeze before letting him go. 

Chester wasn’t sure if he was drunk, or if Ryan was actually being flirty with him. _Why would he be? It must be the alcohol._

He dismissed the thought and said, “I’m a little surprised. I know you want something more than that.” 

Ryan waved the comment away. “Look, Chaz, I’m just having fun. Yeah, I want a full-time boyfriend, but my top two choices for that position are gone.” He let his gaze over Chester’s flushed cheeks linger a moment. He was pretty sure it was the alcohol hitting his friend’s face and it was giving Chester an even younger, innocent look. “Damn, you look fuckably hot,” Ryan breathed before he shook his head and stood up. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m going to take a piss. Watch my drink, okay?” 

“Sure,” Chester assured him, before he watched Ryan disappear into the crowd of people. It wasn’t the first time Ryan had told him he looked hot, or touched him on his leg or kissed his face with lingering lips, but it was the first time it felt wrong. Chester finished his drink, before he wrapped his arms around his middle, his thoughts turning to Mike. _He wouldn’t like that I’m here. He’d be pissed if he heard Ry talking like that._ His eyes narrowed. _Not that he has any fucking right to be pissed. I’m not doing anything, and I never have._

It was a confusing back and forth, an emotion Chester wasn’t quite used to, feeling both guilty and empowered. He decided quickly that neither thing mattered. He had no intentions of doing anything that would hurt Mike’s feelings, even if he wasn’t present to see it or hear it, and that seemed like the best line to keep. The next touch, the next kiss, the next line about being hot, Chester was going to stop it - if that came from Ryan or anyone else. 

The universe must have been listening to his thoughts, because almost just as fast, a young man about his age sauntered up next to him. He shoved a hand through his short blonde hair as he smiled at Chester and pointed to Ryan’s empty seat. “That guy that was just here, he your date?” 

Chester only gave the stranger a glance. He looked attractive enough, and that was the only passing thought Chester had. “No, he’s my friend,” he answered honestly. “He’ll be right back.” 

The man turned, glancing around the bar. “Oh, well how about I sit here while he’s gone?” 

Before Chester could object, the blonde was sitting down. He had on a flashy white and gray dress shirt that Chester was pretty sure was made of silk, which seemed ridiculous. Silk was for panties, not shirts. “He just went to the bathroom. He’ll be back in a minute.” 

“I’ll stay till he does. I’m Eric,” the blonde said, sticking out his hand, and he was pleased when Chester shook it. “I haven’t seen you in here before.” 

“I’m from L.A,” Chester answered as he sipped his second drink, his attention zipping from Eric’s searching blue eyes to the back of the bar where the bathrooms were. He couldn’t see Ryan yet. “I’m just here for a few days on business.” 

“A stranger,” Eric decided, leaning a little closer. “That’s intriguing. What kind of business?” 

“Fashion. I work for Score Clothing.” 

Eric snapped his fingers. “I thought you looked familiar. Holy hell, a model! I thought you were cute, but damn, a model.” He reached, ready to give Chester’s arm a light touch, just to be a little closer, to get contact going with the hot, single model he was already undressing in his mind. Surely he was at the club looking for a date, and Eric was ready to be that guy. “What’s your name, sexy?” 

Chester leaned back, swatting Eric’s hand away. “Chester,” he said, “and I’m not interested.” Before Eric could recover, Chester had his cell phone out, bringing the screen to life. “And that’s my boyfriend Mike, and our dog Cheese.” He held it up for Eric to see the selfie he and Mike had taken on the couch with their puppy between them. “They’re waiting for me back home. I miss them a lot. Ryan’s my friend, and he’s on his way back right now.” He jerked his head towards the crowd. He smiled when he saw Eric spot Ryan’s over six foot tall frame coming back their way, and quickly stood up from the bar stool.

“Okay, I get it,” Eric said, both his hands going up. “Cute dog. It’s nice to meet you, Chester. Come find me if you change your mind. I can keep a secret.” He winked Chester’s way, and then he was gone, disappearing into the constantly moving sea of people. 

Chester rolled his eyes just as Ryan sat down asking what was up. “Nothing. Just some lame guy hitting on me.” 

Ryan shrugged before he looked around, trying to spot the guy, but didn’t see him. “Can’t blame a guy for trying, Chaz.” 

“Whatever. I have no interest in that game anymore.” Chester picked up his rum and Coke, and he suddenly felt a little unsteady on his seat. “Woah,” he whispered. He was going to have to be careful, or he’d be falling down drunk by the time he got to the bottom of his second drink. 

****

“Shhhhhhhh,” Chester giggled as he and Ryan stood in front of his hotel room door. “You’re going to wake up the Tyrant.” He haphazardly swatted his hand down the hallway in the direction of Talinda’s room. “I don’t need a Talinda speech right now.” 

“I _am_ being quiet,” Ryan assured him. “You’re the one with the loud-ass voice.” He watched as Chester fumbled around and finally retrieved the hotel key-card from the back pocket of his jeans. Ryan’s eyes followed, staring at Chester’s little round bottom. Their evening at the bar had been fun, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he’d gotten to dance with Chester. He’d held him close, and pushed up against him once or twice before Chester would replace the space between them. It wasn’t quite like the old days, when they would go out and have their hands all over each other as they would move and grind and swap kisses, but it had still been fun. 

Ryan’s intoxicated mind was still somewhere in the past, thinking about years ago as he stepped behind Chester and slid his arms around him. He pulled the smaller man into him. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered, pecking a wet kiss to the side of Chester’s warm neck. 

“Missed me? We’ve been together all night,” Chester answered, his words slurred as he pulled away, out of Ryan’s arms. It felt like he’d done a lot of that all night, pulling away and telling Ryan to calm down. His mind was spinning, and it all seemed a little fuzzy at the moment as he saw the green light flicker on the door, and he pushed it open. “I’m ready to lay down,” he announced, dropping the key card on the table before he turned around. He was surprised to see Ryan right there. “Aren’t you going to bed?” 

“I thought we were watching a movie?” Ryan asked as he turned and awkwardly pointed from the television to the big, king sized bed. “Wasn’t that the plan?” 

It was hard to remember, even though Chester somewhat recalled them talking about it. A night in with lots of snacks and a movie. That was before they’d decided to go out and have drinks and dance instead. “We were,” he said, fishing his phone out to look at the time. It was already late, and he wanted to talk to Mike before he passed out. “But we went out instead.” 

“Come on, Chazzy,” Ryan whined as he walked around and stood by the bed before he sank down heavily on it. “How long has it been since we’ve watched a movie together?” he slumped forward, fiddling with the laces on his boots to get them off, which was proving to be a daunting task at the moment. He’d had four rum and Cokes to Chester’s two, and Ryan was feeling them. 

Chester was stuck, or at least that’s how it felt. The idea of picking his feet up and moving across the room felt impossible. His body was heavy, his eyes half closed. He knew the moment he hit the bed he’d be out. He looked at his phone again, and smiled at his lock screen. His heart ached as he stared down at Mike’s big brown eyes. He could physically feel how far away his boyfriend was. “It’s late,” he said, trudging slowly over to the giant armchair instead. He flopped down, his head going back, his eyes shutting. “I want to talk to Sexy Boy before I fall asleep. I miss him so much.”

Ryan arranged the line of pillows behind him before he laid down, and crossed his legs. His hand went to his flat stomach, his eyes closed. “I know you do. I miss Jay, too, but we’re here and they’re there.” 

Chester picked his head up, his vision a tad blurry as he looked across the room at his friend. “What?” He was for sure he’d heard Ryan wrong. “You mean Rob.”

Ryan rolled his head on the pillow and looked at Chester. “What?”

“You said Jay, but you meant Rob, right?” 

Ryan narrowed his eyes before he smiled. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying,” he laughed. “Are you still over there? Come on, let’s turn the T.V. on.” He patted the mattress with a smile. “And if anyone’s far away, it’s you.” 

Chester sat forward, his balance not the best even in the chair. “I’m, like, five feet away from you.” 

“I don’t mean right now. I mean all the time.” Ryan rolled over onto his side, watching as Chester struggled to get up. “We used to be so close, Chazzy.” 

Chester stumbled his way to the bed, and sat down, his back to Ryan. His head was spinning as he kicked his sneakers off. “You’re never around anymore,” he bemoaned. “And it’s fucking hot in here. We should turn the air conditioning on. Or the heat off.” He wasn’t sure which was the solution, but something needed to happen. He felt like he was suffocating. He shoved the sleeves of his checkered shirt up to his elbows, and then pulled the whole thing off, throwing it to the floor. “Fuck. I’m hot.” 

“Yeah, you are,” Ryan laughed from behind him, and his grin doubled when Chester twisted around on the bed and laid down next to him. “God, it’s been a long time since we’ve slept together.” 

“We’re _not_ going to sleep together,” Chester insisted. He was on his back, his phone still in his hand as he let his eyes shut. He felt the bed move, and he looked over to see Ryan scooting over right next to him. “You can’t stay in here, Ry.” 

“Why?”

“Because it’s not right.” 

“Since when?” Ryan asked, his thoughts jumbled as he tried to figure out what was so wrong with passing out together. With cuddling close. The idea of sharing a bed with someone he knew cared about him was powerful. He wanted to be held. He wanted to hold Chester in return. He’d love to get a real kiss, one with passion and their years of friendship and loyalty fueling it. One like he hadn’t felt in so long. 

“Since me and Mike are back together,” Chester answered. “You know that, Ry. It would hurt his feelings, and that fucking means something to me.” He stopped and rolled onto his side so he could face his friend. “But I do wish we could spend more time together. You never seem to be around anymore.”

“I know,” Ryan admitted. He trailed his eyes from Chester’s flushed face, to his naked chest and stomach, stopping on the black studded belt. “You’re so wrapped up in Shinoda, and I’m not. I’m not with anyone.” 

Chester wasn’t sure why that mattered. “That doesn’t mean we can’t hang out,” he protested. “And I get that you and Mike don’t get along great.” He sighed, thoughts of his lover flooding his mind. In his perfect world Mike Shinoda and Ryan Shuck would be the best of friends so they could all hang out together. But he knew that wasn’t reality. “I’m still technically living at Amir’s, so we can always hang out there, or go out somewhere. Or I can come over to Talinda’s sometimes,” he offered, even though that wasn’t his favorite option. He liked Talinda, but when he was at her house to see Ryan, she always tried to include herself. 

“We’re just in different places in our lives, Chazzy,” Ryan whispered, his heart pinching as he did. Even when they were together, their conversations were strained. He was single, Chester was in a deep, serious relationship. Ryan really didn’t want to hear stories about Mike or how he was the love of Chester’s life. It was still hard for him to believe that his friend had forgiven Mike so quickly, and how things had fallen back into place for them. It almost felt like it had only been Jason who had cheated, who had chosen someone else. It was a lonely feeling. “We don’t have as much in common anymore. I wish we still did. I wish we all did.” 

Chester wasn’t sure what that meant, or who the _all_ in Ryan’s statement was. “We still have stuff in common. We both work at Score,” he laughed, but he was cut off. A second later Ryan’s hand was on his hip, their lips pressed together. It was jarring and it took Chester a minute to pull back and push against Ryan’s broader chest. “Don’t,” he said, wiggling backwards. “Ry, don’t. You know that’s not okay anymore. For either of us. It doesn’t help.” He sat up, his head spinning, his lips in a snarl. 

Ryan sat up right next to him, ready to say something in his defense, but the look on Chester’s face made his stomach sick. Chester wasn’t just telling him no. Chester was upset. “Chaz, I’m sorry,” he apologized, and he cringed at the glare that shot at him from Chester’s dark eyes. “I’m drunk. I’m sorry.” He reached to cup Chester’s naked shoulder, but that was rejected as well. 

“You better go back to your own room, Ry,” Chester said as he swung his feet off the bed and stood up, his phone still clutched in his hand. “We’ve both had a lot to drink,” he added, when Ryan dropped his head. Chester let out a loud sigh. “I know things aren’t great, but, but us screwing around isn’t okay anymore. Ever. I don’t want to. The only one I want to kiss is Mike.” 

“Fucking Mike,” Ryan growled as he scooted over to the far side of the massive bed and then stood up. “I know we can’t have sex anymore, Chester, that’s not what I was going for. I miss you. I wanted a kiss before we passed out. A kiss from my friend. That used to be okay.” 

“Well it’s not now,” Chester insisted, before he put his hand up. “Why do you think it is? I’ve told you before, we can’t be like that anymore.”

“I know that,” Ryan shot back, his hand on his chest. “Look, just forget it, Chaz. Alright? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m lonely. I’m sorry I miss kissing you. I’m sorry I’m not a good boyfriend.” He turned around, his steps sober as he grabbed his boots from the floor and tucked them under his arm. “I’m going to bed,” he announced over his shoulder. He didn’t want to talk about it any longer. He was ready to get out from under Chester’s gaze and be alone. 

“Ry!” Chester shouted as he took a few steps forward, but stopped when the door opened, and then shut. His friend gone. “Fuck,” he swore. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He flopped back down on the bed, his head aching and his stomach not feeling the best. _I hurt his feelings. I didn’t mean to._

He rolled over and curled himself into a ball as the silence bombarded him. He needed to get up and pee. He needed to brush his teeth. He needed to get out of his belt and jeans. He needed to pass out and hope things were better in the morning. 

But first he wanted Mike to call. He wanted to hear his boyfriend’s encouraging voice. He wanted to hear him say how much he missed him. He wanted to tell Mike how much he loved him. 

He held his phone close to his chest as he waited, hoping it wouldn’t be too much longer. The sudden, sad thought that maybe his boyfriend was too busy with schoolwork to make their nightly phone call hit. Chester turned his face into the pillow, his heart teetering towards despair. 

**** 

When Mike finally looked up from his homework, it was almost eight o’clock. “Cheese!” he called to the terrier, “how did you let me sit here so long!” The puppy’s head shot up and cocked to the side as Mike talked to her. “We need to go outside, and I need to call Ches!” 

He stood up, stretching both hands over his head quickly, smiling as Cheese stood up and stretched her front paws out over her head too. “Silly girl.” Mike put away his assignment and his books, shoving everything into his backpack so it would be there, ready for his next class. He was finished for the night. All he needed to do was take Cheese out, and then he’d settle down on the couch to Facetime with his boyfriend until he was ready to go to bed. The past few nights, Chester had been the one to call, but so far tonight, the phone had been silent. 

Mike picked up the harness from the bar and called Cheese over, snapping it around her excited body quickly. “Let’s go sniff some grass,” he mumbled, pocketing his phone just in case Chester called, then grabbing his keys. 

Cheese could hardly wait to explore. The minute her paws hit the grass she was all over the place, sniffing every blade between prancing back and forth. Mike indulged her, letting her play in the grass for a few minutes before and after she took care of her business. Chester was coming home tomorrow, and he was past the point of being ready. The days had been long and lonely, despite having Cheese for company. It wasn’t anywhere close to the same as having Chester there, to talk to and snuggle with. 

“You _are_ a good snuggler, though,” he mentioned to Cheese as he pulled his phone out to check again. Even though he knew Chester hadn’t called, he looked at the lock screen anyway, smiling at the image of the two of them together with the dog. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough, and it was reassuring to know they both felt the same way. As soon as they were finished talking about their day, the rest of their Facetime calls were spent telling each other how much they were missed, and wishing to be together. Mike looked down at Cheese. He knew she missed Chester, too, even if she couldn’t say that she did.

They spent another five minutes outside and then Mike picked Cheese up to head back to the apartment. As soon as they were inside, he unbuckled her harness and she went straight to her water bowl. Mike leaned against the bar and pressed the button on his phone to Facetime Chester. He stared down into the screen, a smile on his face in anticipation of seeing Chester any second now, but that quickly faded into a frown when the screen declared his boyfriend _unavailable._

Mike looked at the time on his phone. _It’s about eleven there. Surely he’s still awake._ He bit down on his bottom lip in thought, and decided to try again. Just as quickly he got a second notification of _unavailable._ “Ches, where are you?” he mumbled to himself, and he glanced up as Cheese shook her head, flinging drops of water everywhere. It took him a moment to remember to grab a towel and wipe off her face, then around her dish, and by the time he was finished, Cheese was back in the living room wrestling with her stuffed cheese toy. 

_Maybe he’s in the shower,_ Mike thought. _I’ll get mine, too, and try again from the bed. We can talk in bed. That would be fun. Maybe a little sexy Facetime._ The thought cheered Mike, and he decided he’d try again after a shower. “Cheese, you be good, I’m going to go take a shower,” he said over his shoulder, heading toward the bathroom. He knew as soon as he was out of sight, the terrier would follow him, and he wasn’t wrong. Mike started the shower and turned around, and there was Cheese, outside the bathroom door with her tail wagging. “You’re so silly. It’s not play time, it’s night time. I’m getting a shower, you need to lay down.” 

He yanked off his shirts, tossing each in a ball toward the bedroom, and then his jeans and boxers followed, all sailing over Cheese’s head. She took it as an opportunity, and Mike let her go play hide and seek with his clothes while he got clean. The shower was completely utilitarian, and he didn’t waste any time shampooing and soaping his body from head to toe. Thoughts of the loft shower drifted over his mind, evenings with Chester under the warm water, both of them finding ways to touch each other and still get clean, making the process last twice as long as they kissed and teased. He hoped Chester was thinking about him, too, and was ready for some sexy talk. Mike was in the mood, his cock excited at the idea of getting into bed and getting a little naughty.

He dried off, hung up his towel, and brushed his teeth before he stepped out of the bathroom and flipped the lights off. Cheese had dragged his clothes out into the hallway, and he stopped to pick them all up and take them to the hamper. “Come on, Cheese, it’s time for bed. Come lay down.” He turned on the lamp by the bed and got the puppy settled before he got into bed naked, a grin spread over his face. Chester would never believe he’d gotten into bed naked, but that was part of the plan. They could have a little fun, and then they’d both sleep great. Chester would be home after that, and there wouldn’t just be phone sex. 

Mike dragged Chester’s pillow over on top of his, and propped himself up, pressing the Facetime button again. The screen told him Chester was unavailable, again, and Mike glared at it. It was close to midnight now, and Chester hadn’t even tried to call. _There’s no way he would have gone to bed without calling, or at least texting me. He would have said goodnight, I know he would have._ He made sure his phone wasn’t on silent and plugged it in to charge next to the bed, then flopped down on the pillows in a huff.

 _He would have at least texted and said he was tired, and going to bed early. That’s not like him at all. I bet he’s with Ryan._ Mike’s eyes narrowed slightly as he thought it over. The two had gone out when work obligations were finished the past few nights, but Chester was always back in his room by ten, usually calling Mike right after he finished dinner. _But not tonight. Where is he?_

He heard Cheese scratching at her bed and looked over the side of the mattress. Cheese was curling up to lay down, and Mike sighed. “I guess we’ll just wait for him to call, pupper girl. He’ll call when he gets in from wherever he is.” An uneasy feeling hit his stomach. Chester and Ryan could be anywhere, doing anything, and Mike would never know the difference. They were accustomed to traveling for work together. It could be nothing, and Mike wanted to believe it was nothing. But it could also be something. It had been a while since the last Ryan night, and he knew how much Chester missed his friend. _They could be out somewhere. They’re together, I know they are. But what are they doing? Chester wouldn’t do anything I’d be upset about, I know he wouldn’t. He’s not out clubbing in New York, that would be dangerous… but I wouldn’t put it past Ryan. He might have dragged Ches out. But why wouldn’t he call me? Unless he’s somewhere that he can’t call me._

Mike’s thoughts were twisting in frantice circles, trying to figure out where Chester was and what he was doing. He avoided the thought that his boyfriend was with Ryan doing anything inappropriate. _He wouldn’t do that. We’re in a good place. He’s not vengeful like that. But maybe Ryan is? He can talk Ches into anything. No. Ches wouldn’t do that to me. We’re happy. We’ve got Cheese. He wouldn’t sleep with Ryan._

He gasped audibly as the final thought crossed his mind, and Mike sat up, his heart pounding. _No, no. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t. I trust him._ All of the sexy feelings from just a few minutes ago were gone, and he felt silly in bed naked. Even though he knew it would disrupt Cheese, Mike got up for his pajamas. _He’ll call. I know he will. I’ll leave the ringer on, and he’ll call. It’s fine. Everything is fine._

Cheese lifted her head to watch Mike, but didn’t get up from her bed. He quickly pulled on black boxers and pajama pants, and the first long sleeved t-shirt he came across. It was purple, and he didn’t care. It was warm, and suddenly his skin felt cold. Mike was back in the bed quickly, where he took a few deep breaths. _I’m over reacting. Everything is fine. Even if he doesn’t call, it’s just because he’s asleep. He promised me he’s drawn the lines between him and Ryan, and I have to trust that. We will never be okay if I can’t trust him._

Mike pulled Chester’s pillow from behind his head and wrapped his arms around it, squeezing his eyes shut. _I still want him to call. I’d feel better if he called._ He heard Cheese whine once, a soft, barely there reminder that he’d forgotten to say goodnight. Mike lifted his head. “Goodnight, Cheesy girl,” he said, using Chester’s nickname for the puppy. He could hear Chester in his head. _Goodnight, Cheesy girl. Goodnight, Sexy Boy._

“Good night, Ches,” Mike whispered, trying to turn off his thoughts so he could get some rest. 

****  
TBC


	12. Coming Home

Chester pulled his leopard print backpack out from under the seat in front of him before he stood up. He glanced across the aisle at Talinda and Forrest, and the other handful of first class passengers before his attention fell on Ryan, who hadn’t gotten up yet. The long plane rides that had shuffled them from New York to L.A. had been exhausting. Partly because it was a lot of miles, but mostly because Ryan wasn’t talking to him. 

After their argument at the hotel last night, the morning had been a lot of hushed whispers of “it’s fine, Chester” and “I don’t want to talk about it”. Chester knew Ryan was hurt and that it was his fault, but he didn’t know how to fix it. He’d done his best to apologize, to say he was sorry for his harsh tone or look or whatever it was that had upset Ryan so badly the night before. Past that, he didn’t know what else he could do. He knew he couldn’t take back the line he’d drawn, and he didn’t want to. His relationship with Mike was the healthiest it had been, maybe ever, and he wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize it, even though it was painful to be stonewalled by Ryan Shuck. Despite the decline in their time and communication over the months since Jason had left, this was ten times worse. All the way to New York they’d swallowed every second with each other - playing games, gossiping, talking fashion and teasing Talinda, the two of them giggling and trying not to laugh every time she would twist around and glare at them with her Tyrant death stare, only to smile and call them silly or ridiculous or pampered models that better shape up. 

But none of that had existed on the way home. Instead, Chester’s only company had been the music playing in his earbuds, even though Ryan was right beside him the whole time. Even when they had a layover in Chicago, and they’d all sat down to eat at one of the airport restaurants, Ryan had barely spoken to him. _He just needs time,_ Chester reminded himself for the thousandth time that morning before he said, “Ry? You ready? It’s our turn.” He nodded toward Forrest and Talinda scooting out into the aisle to exit the plane. 

“Yeah,” Ryan answered in a deep, distant voice. He grabbed his black backpack as he stood up and swung it over his shoulder, barely missing smacking Chester in the face with it. He didn’t even look as he stepped into the aisle to follow his boss to the door. 

Chester felt his jaw shake, but he pushed back the tears. He was finally home, and he knew his loneliness was about to be over. He would get off the plane, find his luggage and then he’d see Mike. _Sexy Boy is waiting for me. I know he wants to talk to me._

He wiped his hand over his eyes as he slowly stepped out and trailed behind Ryan, who was already so far ahead. Chester barely said _thank you_ and _goodbye_ to the stewardess at the door. His companions were already half way up the ramp. Ryan had long legs, and Talinda always walked like she had a motor on her ass. Forrest was on the phone immediately and it seemed to be helping his stride as he stayed with the others. 

It was one more sinking feeling of being left out. Normally Ryan would stay behind, sticking close to Chester’s side, even though his gait was smaller, his legs shorter. But none of them were waiting, and Chester bolted forward, running to catch up. He got there just in time to hear Forrest directing them where to go to get their luggage before he was back on his phone. 

“Ryan,” Talinda said, tugging his arm as they walked closely together and a good six feet away from Forrest, “are you coming straight home? We can share a cab.” 

“Yeah. I need to go home and drop my stuff. And I’m starving.”

“Me, too,” Talinda agreed as they weaved through the moving crowds of people. “We should go out tonight for dinner.” 

Chester was trying to keep up, trying to listen. He was hoping maybe he could add something to the conversation, anything to get Ryan to look at him, to acknowledge he was there, but he couldn’t. They were going too fast, and people kept getting in the way. He only caught bits and pieces of what they were saying, and every time he did try to say something, he was cut off by one rude person after another, getting between him and Ryan and Talinda.

Before he knew it, they were at baggage claim, along with a hundred other people. The shiny silver conveyer was spilling out bag after bag, and Chester watched as Forrest fished his off first. Forrest rolled his dark green suitcase his way. 

“Chester,” he said, sizing his model up, “do you have a ride home?” 

“Mike is coming to get me,” Chester assured him, as he pulled his phone out. He already had a text from his boyfriend saying he was there, waiting. 

“Very good.” Forrest stepped close and squeezed Chester’s shoulder. “It’s been a good four days,” he said, his business-like tone withstanding, until he dropped his voice a little. “Friends have disagreements, Chester. I’m sure the two of you will work it out, whatever it is. Until then, enjoy your next few days off.” 

Chester nodded. “Thanks. I will.” 

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Forrest told him before he bid him farewell. Chester saw him stop and say something to Ryan and Talinda, and then he was gone, headed off across the airport. 

Chester watched as Ryan grabbed his luggage, and recognized his and Talinda’s bags coming out next. Chester struggled getting the large suitcase off the conveyor in time, but he managed. It was stuffed and heavy and he had to wrestle with it a little, the wheels tripping him up. By the time he got himself situated, and was ready to wait for Ryan to be ready to go, he was too late. He looked around in a panic for a few seconds, his heart beating quickly before he spotted Ryan and Talinda walking off, pulling their suitcases with them. 

It was a jab to Chester’s heart as he looked down at himself and sniffed. _He doesn’t want to walk with me or talk to me. He didn’t even tell me goodbye. He’s just leaving._ It was a moment or two of self-pity before Chester was ushered out of the way by the other passengers who were still waiting for their bags. 

Chester took his suitcase and headed the same way his co-workers had gone as he tried to focus on something other than his hurt feelings. He was home, back in sunny California, and that was a relief. The image of Mike’s smiling face and big brown eyes popped into his head, and Chester smiled. He was going to see his boyfriend any minute and he couldn’t wait. It had been an agonizingly long four days, and even though Chester had been excited to go originally, he hadn’t been expecting to miss Mike and Cheese so much. 

Being home was better than being gone. 

_I hope his day has been better. I felt so bad for him this morning when we talked. He sounded distraught over that C on his homework and Cheese having an accident._ He smiled to himself as he walked, as he blocked out the sight of Ryan and Talinda far ahead of him. _I’m going to have to tell him about what happened with Ry, but not right now. I just want to hug him and kiss him and go get some good food. We can pick up something and take it home. Home. I want to go home._

He let out a frustrated sigh before he pulled his phone from the pocket of his blue jeans. He read his last text from Mike again and checked it against the overhead signs so he could navigate himself right to his boyfriend’s arms. 

Mike looked at his phone for at least the tenth time in the past five minutes. He was parked underneath a sign that read _Ground Transportation E_ and even though he’d texted Chester exactly where he was, Mike wasn’t going to feel better until he’d spotted his boyfriend. He’d brought Cheese inside the airport with him, and she was tucked comfortably into his left arm, almost asleep. They had been waiting for a while, and she’d grown tired of the noise and activity in the big space. 

He vaguely remembered talking to Chester early in the morning, when he’d woken in New York and realized Mike had tried to call. Even though he’d been mostly asleep, it was a relief to hear Chester’s voice and know he’d only fallen asleep last night. All of the anxious feelings and thoughts that had swirled around in Mike’s head were gone, and all that was left now was excitement. Four days apart had been four days too many, and he couldn’t wait to welcome Chester home.

“Hey, girl, you’d better wake up. Ches will be here soon.” Mike stuck one finger out over his phone to stroke at Cheese’s head. “You don’t want to be asleep for that, do you?” 

Chester was tired of walking, and he cursed LAX for being so huge, just as he spotted Mike. It was an instant zip to Chester’s energy levels. The sight of his lover’s dark hair in his eyes, his blue flannel shirt and the way he was sitting on the side of the bench with his legs crossed was enough for Chester to pick up his pace. He wasn’t close enough to call out yet, but he waved, hoping his boyfriend would spot him.

Mike looked down at his phone again, and then back out at the crowd of people. Finally his eyes caught Chester, the bright smile on his face and the huge suitcase he was pulling behind him. Mike shot up from his seat, shoving his phone into his pocket and heading straight for his boyfriend, “Cheese! Wake up you silly thing, Ches is home!” 

The little terrier shook her head as Mike almost ran to Chester. He only had one free arm to reach out for him and then they were touching, both of them getting their free hand around the other. Mike pulled Chester in close to his side, and Cheese was now wiggling excitedly in his other arm. “Ches! I missed you! I’m so glad you’re back!” It didn’t matter that Chester smelled more like airplane than the beach and peaches at the moment. Mike snuggled his face into Chester’s neck and sighed. “We missed you.” 

“I missed you, too,” Chester said immediately. His lips hit Mike’s face, and then his lips before he looked down. “And you, too!” He didn’t ask. The terrier was traded into his arms, and Cheese was all over him, licking and whining. “Ohhhh, it’s okay, girl. It’s okay.” He kissed her over and over and held her close to his chest before he looked up. Mike was staring at him, his eyes huge, like he hadn’t seen Chester in years, not days. “I’m so glad to be home, Sexy Boy.” Chester curled his hand over Mike’s beard as he shut his eyes to give his lover a real hello kiss, one that was slow and needy. 

It didn’t matter that they were in the middle of a crowded airport. Mike melted right into the kiss, his hand opening up to press against the small of Chester’s back. He sent his tongue right over Chester’s lip ring, flipping it gently and then giving it a little suck. He’d missed it. He’d missed everything about kissing, touching, sleeping together, eating together… it felt good to have Chester close again, even if their puppy was trying to interrupt their reunion kisses by getting in a few of her own.

Mike pulled back and chuckled at the dog. “Cheese, you’re in the way,” he fussed, not letting go of Chester. “We’re going to have to put her up when we get home so I can have you all to myself.” 

Chester smoothed his hand over the dog’s back and leaned in close, popping a kiss up under Mike’s jaw. “I’m all for that. I can’t wait. Come on. I want to go home.” He stayed where he was for a second, sighing in comfort and relief before he pulled back. “Lead the way, Mr. Shinoda. I’ve got Cheese.” He looked down, just in time to get a wet tongue on his nose. “Cheesy Girl, you’re so cute.” 

Mike took Chester’s free hand in one of his and grabbed the suitcase with the other. “If you’ve got her, I’ll get this,” he said, tugging the monstrosity over next to him. “It’s been the longest four days _ever_ ,” he whined as they walked out of the airport, the sunlight hitting their faces with more intensity than he was ready for. “I left my sunglasses in the car. I ate almost everything you left for me, even though I missed breakfast yesterday. Can you believe that? I couldn’t fall asleep, and then I did right before my alarm, and I missed it. The whole day was a disaster. How was your last day up there? Was the weather nice?” Mike stopped right in the walkway, pulling on Chester’s hand. “I’m sorry. I’m all excited. I need to slow down, huh?”

Chester pulled Mike’s hand up to kiss it. “It’s okay. And it’s cold in New York,” he informed his boyfriend, for what he knew was probably the third time at least. “I’m so happy to be here in the sun.” They started off again and Chester was relieved when he spotted the car. “We should stop and get food before we head home. I didn’t really eat breakfast or lunch.” 

Mike popped the trunk of his car and manhandled the suitcase inside, trying to avoid pinching his finger. It was a cumbersome thing. “I’m hungry, too. We could pick up from Mel’s. The lunch I had yesterday sucked. I want a good burger. Unless you have a different idea.” He walked around the car and opened Chester’s door, stopping to scratch Cheese behind the ears. 

“Fuck, Sexy Boy, I’d love a bacon cheeseburger from Mel’s. Let’s do that.” He raised his eyebrows in a silly wiggle before walking his fingers up Mike’s neck and into his beard. “Come on, I’m ready.” He didn’t wait, he sat down, carefully with Cheese still in his arms, and Mike closed the door. Chester buckled his seatbelt and put his head back, his eyes shut. It was going to feel amazing to be home, to be with Mike on their couch, in their bed. Even though it was the ugliest thing ever, he was even looking forward to unloading everything back into the bathroom vanity at the campus apartment and taking a shower in the familiar space.

Stopping at Mel’s required Mike to plan out a slightly different route back home. He thought about it as he got in the car and made his way out of the parking garage. “If you call it in, we won’t even have to wait on it. You can stay in the car and I’ll go inside and get it.” He knew they both had the number in their phones, and Mike drove while Chester made the call. Cheese had settled down once the car started moving, her small face on Chester’s leg. Mike glanced over and decided she was already asleep again. _Great. She’ll be all over us when we get home. She better not whine when we put the gate up and go in the bedroom._

He stole a glance at Chester. In his mind he was planning out the rest of the evening. Dinner, showers, and some cuddling on the couch, maybe with the puppy, before they went to bed. _I’ll have to see what kind of mood he’s in. He might be too tired for anything else. Travelling is hard._

It seemed to take forever to get to Mel’s, but Chester didn’t mind. They spent the time catching up, Mike telling him about every single meal he ate in his absence, and the homework that seemed harder in the quiet house by himself. He caught him up on all things Cheese, and how clean he had kept the apartment. Chester happily filled in his half of the four days, spilling details he’d left out of their nightly phone calls and FaceTimes. He didn’t mention the bar, or the argument with Ryan though. That would wait until they were home. _I want to eat and shower and take him to bed first. Then we can talk about that. Maybe not even tonight. Maybe tomorrow._

Chester checked the time just as they got to Mel’s. Mike was out of the car and racing inside before Chester could even say anything, and he laughed. “Your Daddy’s crazy,” he told the dog as she sat up, looking to see where her other owner had dashed off to. “But I love him.” He looked down at the brown and black terrier as he petted her head and down her small back. “I’m sure I owe you, like, ten games of fetch down the hallway. I’m off the next few days. We’ll make up for it.” He bent down and kissed her quickly before he looked back out the window. 

The take-out counter was efficient. It was one of the things Mike liked about Mel’s. He paid for their dinner and was back out at the car in no time. Cheese was excited to see him again, as though he’d been gone for four days this time. “Either she’s happy to see me, or she smells the bacon,” Mike remarked, putting the giant bag on the floor behind Chester’s seat. “I totally get it. I love bacon, too.” He didn’t waste any time getting the car back out on the road. “It’s going to be so good just to relax together. While keeping Cheese out of the food.” 

“Of course Cheeseburger loves bacon. Don’t you?” Chester asked the dog in his high pitched puppy voice, but regretted it a second later as she started wiggling around. “Okay, okay, no bacon for you. Or cheeseburgers. Nothing but Cheese food. I should bake her some homemade dog treats.” The car smelled like the amazing food Chester could see in his mind as they headed for campus, his stomach empty and ready to be filled. “I hope we have enough ketchup for dinner.”

“Don’t you, like, hoard ketchup?” Mike teased. “If there was an apocalypse, the one thing I know for sure we’d have is ketchup.”

Chester laughed as he reached over and poked Mike’s leg. “ _Hoard_ is such a negative term. I keep _enough_.” His eyes narrowed in thought. “We have the regular bottle and the spare ketchup in the cabinet, and one in the bedroom. The emergency ketchup. Yeah, we’re fine,” he decided quickly. Mike didn’t eat a lot of ketchup and he rolled his eyes at himself for even worrying about it.

“Bedroom ketchup,” Mike mused, thinking it over. He didn’t recall seeing an emergency bottle of ketchup in the bedroom, but that didn’t mean anything. Chester had a way of squirreling away stuff in the small apartment and Mike was never the wiser. It still blew his mind how much stuff his boyfriend had managed to move into the place. “As long as you aren’t putting the bedroom ketchup on me, I guess that’s fine.” A shiver went down his spine at the thought that he’d just put a new idea in Chester’s head. 

“Don’t worry,” Chester said as he reached over and this time he let his hand stay on Mike’s thigh. “It’s not _that_ kind of ketchup. Not sure I’d even like that.” He stuck his tongue out for a second. “It’s only in the bedroom because our kitchen is dinky and there’s not a lot of free real estate in there for our three bottles of ketchup lifestyle.” 

Mike shook his head. “Whatever you say. Sounds a little bit like hoarding to me, but then I think about how much ketchup you eat, and maybe it’s just a week’s supply.” He was happy to get back on campus, and soon enough he was pulling into the parking lot. “If you grab the food and the dog, I’ll get your suitcase. We should probably let her pee before we go up, too,” he added, nodding toward Cheese.

Chester agreed, and in no time he was out of the car. His backpack was over his shoulder, the food in hand and Cheese he’d already sat down. She walked along beside him, her steps quick to keep up. “Come on, girl, you need to take your potty break so we can go up and eat.” He led the way off the cement path to the grassy area that the puppy recognized immediately. She sniffed around for less than a minute before she squatted to do her business. 

“Look who’s a little pee monster. Good girl,” Chester praised when she was finished. He let her walk to the stairs, but then he scooped her up into his arm, just in time for Mike to meet them. “You got that? It’s heavy,” Chester said as he looked from the suitcase to the flight of stairs they were about to climb.

“You doubting me?” Mike said as he lifted the suitcase with a huff. “I’ve totally got it.” Now that the challenge had been issued, there was no way he was going to admit how heavy it was, stuffed full of winter clothes. “What are you going to do with all these clothes? You’ll never wear them here.” _You should have left it all in New York. They’re fucking heavy,_ he added in his head. 

Chester followed Mike’s slower progress up the stairs. “I’ll find something to do with them. They’re all really kickass, even though they’re heavy. Maybe we’ll take a vacation to the mountains or something one day.” He smiled at the thought as they finally reached the landing, and Mike wheeled the suitcase much easier than he’d carried it. “We could go snowboarding or something. It gets cold up in Northern Cali.” 

“I haven’t been snowboarding in a long time,” Mike decided. “It would be fun.” He shuffled his keys around until he came across the right one and unlocked the front door. He barely had it open and Cheese shot inside. “I guess she’s happy to be home, too,” he mumbled, dragging in the suitcase. Once he had it inside the door, he decided that was far enough. It was time to eat. But not before he got both arms around his boyfriend. He tucked them up under the backpack and nuzzled his face into Chester’s neck. He knew his beard tickled and he practically heard Chester smile. “Welcome back, babe.” 

“I’m so happy to be back.” Chester let his weight lean against Mike for a minute before he reluctantly stepped back. He headed for the kitchen so they could dish out their food, get ketchup and water, but he only made it to the bar. Cheese was running towards him, her little stuffed piece of cheddar cheese in her mouth. She stopped right at Chester’s feet, dropping the toy and pawing at his leg. 

Chester left the food on the bar before he scooped up the plush toy. “Okay, but just a couple of times,” he told the puppy, who was looking up at him, her tiny tail wagging like crazy. Chester tossed the toy and grinned as Cheese took off after it. “She’s such a good girl,” he said, turning to find Mike. 

“She missed you, too,” Mike commented, his focus on the bag of take out and the plates he was dividing their food onto with his back to Chester and Cheese. He was ready to eat, but before he sat down he’d dump the allotted amount of puppy chow into Cheese’s dish. Mike knew she would scarf it down quickly and want to play again, and even though he wanted Chester all to himself, having the puppy meant that sometimes he had to share. “I played with her a lot, but she’d go to your spot on the couch and sniff for you. She looked around for you, too.” He lifted the lid on his container of onion rings and smiled as he took a deep breath. The thick, heavily breaded slices looked heavenly. “Wanna eat at the bar or the couch?” he called, stepping over to the refrigerator to get the ketchup. 

“The couch. I’ve sat on a lot of barstools the last four days.” Chester reached down and grabbed the toy to throw it again, grinning as Cheese chased it down. “Ugh, I’m fucking hungry.” He closed his eyes, inhaling the smell of their food until he couldn’t take it anymore. He wrestled the piece of cheddar from Cheese, threw it extra far down the hallway and beelined into the kitchen. Mike could have the onion rings, the only thing Chester was interested in were the thick potato wedges taking up half his plate. 

He had the ketchup bottle open and was squirting a glob onto one of the wedges in a split second, shoving it in his mouth. It was hot, but good. It was crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, and Chester could have melted to his knees in that moment. “I’m so starving,” he muttered again, being completely aware it was at least the second time in the last five minutes that he’d said so. “I want to devour this food, and then get a shower and then devour you,” he said, sticking his tongue out over his lip ring as he looked at Mike. Despite how awful the day had been, he was home now. He was home with the puppy who had missed him to the point of looking for him, and his boyfriend who had given him his full attention from the moment they’d been reunited back at the airport. 

He was missed. He was needed. He was loved, and all those things boosted Chester’s mood as he plopped down on the couch with his plate while Mike put the stuffed cheddar away and poured some puppy food in Cheese’s dog dish for her to eat while they did. “Come on, Sexy Boy, I got an extra piece of bacon for you,” Chester teased as he pulled one of the thick pieces off his burger and held it up. He knew exactly what would happen next, and he was anticipating the look on Mike’s face, and the kiss from his lips he’d get in return for the salty meat he knew his boyfriend loved. 

Mike shoved the puppy food bag back into the cabinet under the kitchen sink and grabbed his plate. Sharing bacon was a bacon cheeseburger tradition, and Mike was all grin as he sat down next to Chester. “Mmmm, I love you so much,” he said, opening his mouth for Chester to shove the delicious strip of bacon in his mouth. It was warm and salty and Mike couldn’t help but close his eyes as he chewed and gave a moan of approval. He swallowed it down and cracked his eyes, leaning in to chase the bacon with a thank you kiss. 

Both of Chester’s hands went to Mike’s face. He was careful to keep his bacon-stained fingers off his lover’s skin, but the rest was free range. Their lips stayed together, the kiss going deeper than their normal thank-you-kiss when it came to sharing bacon. Chester heard himself moan, his clean hand sliding up into Mike’s hair, and he curled his fingers into it with a slight tug. He was hungry and he was ready to share their meal and talk a little more, but he was also ready to be physically close, and he wanted to make sure his lover got that message loud and clear. 

“God, babe,” Mike whispered when they finally pulled apart. He couldn’t help the grin that spread back over his face. “I thought you’d be tired when you got home, but I don’t think you are. I think you’ve got other things in mind besides sleeping.” The lust in Chester’s eyes was unmistakable, and Mike wished for at least the hundredth time since he’d moved into the apartment that the shower was big enough for two. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, not even sure if they could be seen under all of his hair, but he didn’t care. “It’s going to be hard to keep my hands off you while we eat.” He picked up his burger and took a big bite, tapping his sock covered foot against Chester’s. 

“I can sleep later. I can’t even begin to tell you how good it is to be home, Mike.” Chester made sure to kick his sneakers off first, revealing his striped socks, before he nudged Mike’s foot back. He nudged, and covered, and pushed playfully before he turned his attention to his food. Normally he wasn’t a fast eater, but he was ready to gobble it up. He picked up his burger and sank his teeth in. It was hot and juicy and very obvious that Mel’s hadn’t forgotten his extra cheese. 

Mike picked his foot up and covered Chester’s, pushing down lightly. He could feel the ball of excitement growing in his stomach as they ate together, mostly in silence. It was unusual for Chester to eat as fast as him, and that observation was one that made his heart pound quickly. He’d missed his boyfriend more than he could put into words. Mike put down his burger, already half eaten, and picked up an onion ring. “This is good, but I am so ready to get you naked.” A plan was forming. “You can shower first, and I’ll take Cheese out and then put her into the kitchen. I’ve gotten better at putting up the gate.” He ate one onion ring, then another while he waited for Chester to agree.

The potato wedges were excellent, and Chester was covering them almost completely with ketchup before he’d put one in his mouth and seductively swallow it down as he curled his toes into the carpet and into Mike’s playing foot. “I like that idea,” he said, licking his lips. “I can be fast in the shower.” He glanced at his still packed luggage. Normally he would want to unpack everything and get laundry started while he sorted through his bathroom supplies, getting each item back to its designated home in the small bathroom vanity. But tonight he didn’t care. “I’ll unpack in the morning,” he decided before he dragged another potato wedge through the pool of ketchup on his plate. “I’ll meet you in bed in nothing but a pair of white lacy panties.” 

Mike’s eyes flashed to Chester’s. He nodded, shoving another bite of burger in his mouth. Dinner couldn’t get over with soon enough. One of the very best parts of their sex life was the lingerie that they’d discovered by accident. From the first pair of pink panties Chester had worn home from Score until now, Mike loved the way Chester looked in them. He couldn’t get enough. Before he took another bite, Mike leaned over and planted a few sloppy kisses down Chester’s neck. “I fuckin’ love your ass in panties. _Fuck_ , Ches. I just want to eat you up.” Leaning back, he popped the last bit of bacon cheeseburger in his mouth, his eyes never leaving Chester’s body.

Chester kept eating, even though he knew he wasn’t going to finish his food. He’d had enough to fill him up, and he would only keep eating until Mike was done. He slid another thick wedge in his mouth as he trailed his hand up Mike’s leg, right to his crotch that was partially hidden by Mike’s dinner plate. “And I fucking love to wear them,” he said, his words coming out long and slow after he’d swallowed his bite of food. “I love the way you feel me up when I’ve got them on. It makes me extra haaaard.” He closed his eyes dramatically and then opened them, all while Mike watched. It was fun. He didn’t waste time skimming his foot up Mike’s leg and back down, and then again. 

There were still onion rings, but Mike didn’t care. “Fuck,” he whispered again. “I’m done, hurry up. I’ll take your plate and put it up, go get your ass in the shower.” He pushed his hips forward a little, trying to get some contact with Chester’s hand. The desire he always had for his boyfriend was bubbling under the surface, and if Cheese wasn’t sitting on the floor staring at them, he’d have abandoned their plates on the coffee table and hauled Chester off to bed. But he knew their puppy. If he left food on the table, she’d eat it, and then they’d be dealing with a sick puppy all night instead of indulging in each other. “Let me have it.” 

“Soooo demanding,” Chester teased as he gave Mike what he wanted - his hand. He could feel his boyfriend through his jeans as he pressed his fingers down. “Guess I’m done with this food,” he said with a short giggle before cupping Mike’s crotch and licking his tongue over his neck. “Damn, it’s hard to go to the shower without you.” That was reality in more than one way, and it stopped Chester’s teasing as he sighed. “One day I hope we have a big shower again.” He took his hand back and sat forward, leaving his mostly empty plate on the coffee table before he stood up. His dick yelled at him immediately. He hadn’t even realized how turned on he’d just been, and he shifted a little, trying to get the awkward feeling to go away before he’d head for the bedroom to find his favorite pair of lacy white panties, the ones with the decorative pink buttons on the hips. 

The fleeting touch of Chester’s hand was missed immediately. Mike watched his boyfriend take off for the bedroom, and he popped up, grabbing the plates to take to the kitchen. He rinsed the plates quickly and even though he knew Chester wouldn’t like it, he left them in the sink. “Okay, come on, girl,” he called to Cheese, bending down as she trotted over to him. He snapped the harness around her tiny body and slipped the looped end of the leash over his hand. “Ches! I’m taking Cheese out!” he hollered toward the bathroom.

Chester was just walking out of the bedroom, his chosen panties in hand and he held them up. “I’m on it, Sexy Boy!” He didn’t even wait to hear if Mike was going to say anything back. He was in the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He left the panties on the vanity before stripping down quickly and turning the water on. He was excited, and he had to force himself to slow down so he wouldn’t come out half sudsy or worse, slip and fall in his haste. 

_Fuck it_ , Mike decided, bending over to scoop up Cheese. “Sorry, I know you want to walk and explore, but you’ll have to do that later.” He had the little dog out the door and down the stairs in a quarter of the time it usually took for Cheese to sniff everything. Mike placed her on a patch of grass and used his best puppy voice. “Okay, pupper girl, do your thing. I know you want to. Go pee, Cheese!” 

Cheese stretched her leash out as far as it would go and sniffed in a semi circle until she found a good spot to take care of business. She was barely finished when Mike scooped her back up and trotted to the apartment, praising her along the way. “You are the very best girl,” he was saying as he opened the door and pushed it shut with his foot. “Now you’re going to play in the kitchen while I play with Ches,” he told the dog as he retrieved the baby gate and latched it in the doorway without a single curse word. “Yes, I’m so good at that,” he praised himself, picking Cheese up and depositing her gently on the other side. Mike gave her back the stuffed cheese from earlier, patted her on the head, and took off for the bathroom, pulling his arms out of his flannel on the way. 

He could hear the water still running and he decided he was going to be efficient. Pushing the door open, he called over the sound of the water, “Ches, I’m going to brush my teeth while you’re in there, okay?” 

Chester pulled the shower curtain back just enough to peak around it. “I think this is a new step for us,” he giggled, before shoving the curtain closed and yelling, “Do as you must, Sexy Boy! I’m almost done!”

The plan was to get his teeth clean and then switch places with Chester. Mike didn’t even respond. He was on a mission to be finished in time. He used extra toothpaste and was extra careful since he’d had onions for dinner. _If I’d know this was gonna happen this way, I’d have had fries._ Mike rolled his eyes at himself, then bent over to rinse out his mouth. The white panties were right there in front of him, and he reached out to rub the fabric between his thumb and fingers. His mind quickly filled in the way Chester’s warm skin felt underneath the lace, and he felt his cock twitch. Showers couldn’t get over with fast enough. He was bent over the sink, the panties left alone, when Chester turned off the water and opened the shower curtain.

Chester spent only a few seconds admiring Mike’s jean-clad ass before he grabbed his towel to get dry. The quicker he got out and headed to the bedroom, the quicker Mike could jump in the shower next. He ran the towel over his brown curls, and down his body before he stepped out. “Let me just grab those,” he said, slinking behind Mike and reaching around to snag his panties from the vanity. He didn’t waste the opportunity to press himself to Mike’s ass and leave a quick kiss to the back of his neck.

The shiver went all the way down Mike’s spine. “I can’t wait to see those on you,” he said around the towel he was wiping his face with. Chester wasn’t making a move to put them on just yet, and Mike turned around. “What are you waiting for? Don’t I get a little preview?” he whined, sending Chester his best puppy eyes right before he pulled his t-shirt off.

Chester pulled his piercing in, sucking on it for a second before he stepped back. “Hold my towel?” he asked, tossing it Mike’s way. He smirked at the stunned look on his lover’s face before he held the panties up between two fingers. “You want to see these? I can do that.” He turned around and bent forward as he pulled the panties on. He got them over his cock, which wasn’t plumping up yet, which made it easier. He glanced over his shoulder, knowing his ass looked amazing in the white lace. “Is that enough of a preview?” He put both hands on his hips, running them up and down, and then around to his buttcheeks. 

Mike’s fingers squeezed into the wet towel. “Yeah,” he whispered, forcing himself not to reach out and touch his lover. Chester had always had an eye for what looked good on him, and women’s panties were no exception. The white lace stretched perfectly across his tiny ass, accentuating the curve under each cheek that Mike loved to cup his hands around. He wanted to run his tongue under each edge and feel up the front of the panties at the same time. “You turn me on like crazy,” he added, unbuttoning his jeans and shoving them down, all while staring at the way his boyfriend’s hands were touching all the places he wanted to touch. Mike settled for stroking himself a time or two through his boxers as he stepped out of his jeans. 

“The sentiment is mutual, Seeexy Boy,” Chester purred, his hands still all over himself. He hadn’t planned on making a show of the panties yet, but Mike had insisted, and Chester’s impulsive nature was in charge. “Fuuck, I love these,” he moaned as he pulled on both buttcheeks, spreading them apart and feeling the lace move against his skin. The air in the bathroom was warm and damp from his shower, and it was making the delicate material stick to him. The more he talked, the more he touched himself, the more his dick was waking up and paying attention. 

That was it. Mike closed his eyes and turned his head. “Damn it, Chester, if you want me clean, you’ve gotta go. Otherwise, I’m going to bend you over this small, crappy vanity. And you know neither of us want that.” He took a deep breath and cracked his eyes open, half of him hoping Chester would still be touching himself, and the other half hoping he could get a quick shower. Sex was always better when they were both clean and not worrying about where kisses and tongues were going. 

Chester took a deep breath. He knew Mike was right. He slowly pulled his hands away from himself and opened the door. The cool rush of air from the apartment hit, calming everything down. “I hate it when you’re right,” he said over his shoulder. “Hurry up. I’ll be stretched out on the bed, waiting for you.” He popped a kiss into the air, and then he was gone, shutting the image of Mike out with the door. 

He headed right to the bedroom. The lights were already on, and Chester climbed onto the bed. He had it in his head to get into a sexy position, something Mike would go wild for the moment he walked in and saw him, but that didn’t happen. Chester’s hands and knees hit the bed, and the familiar feel of the red and black flannel blanket under him lulled him down. He was home, and that included finally being back in his and Mike’s bed. 

He twisted, and flopped onto his back, his head already on his pillow. He was stretched out, just not in any fetching position. He shut his eyes, letting the feel and smell of their bed consume him. He played his hand over his naked stomach for a minute, no longer in a sexy way, but in relaxation. He could hear the shower running, the clock on the wall ticking. He knew Mike wouldn’t take long, and he was ready for touching and kissing and licking and all the things he knew they both loved. But until then, he was very happy to be in their bed. 

With another deep breath, Mike kicked his boxers away and started the water. It was already warm from Chester’s shower, and he was under the water and shampooing his hair in seconds. He took an extra bit of soapy coconut scented bubbles and ran them down over his beard, getting everything good and clean before he closed his eyes and rinsed off his hair and face. The sponge was next, lathered up with body wash, and hurriedly scrubbed all over his body while his thoughts stayed on Chester, his warm skin and small ass, and how four days without him felt like forever. He’d been without Chester before, and he was never going to live like that again. The lesson was fresh in Mike’s mind, and as he turned off the water and reached for his towel, he thought about all of the ways he wanted to shower Chester in love and adoration when he got to the bedroom. 

He wrapped the towel around his waist and shook his head. In his haste, Mike hadn’t bothered to bring any boxers into the bathroom. _Oh well. They wouldn’t last long anyway._ The cool air hit his damp hair when he opened the door, and for a second he thought about stopping to comb it. He decided that combing was as useless as boxers at this point, and Mike raked his fingers through his hair quickly, flipping off the bathroom light and heading for the bedroom. He ignored the puppy whines he could hear and shut the door, blocking out the sounds of Cheese in the kitchen. 

It was automatic, his hand reaching for the light switch and turning off the blaring overhead lights in favor of the lamp next to the bed. Mike walked the few steps in the darkness to the lamp, flicking it on, then dropping his towel next to the bed and climbing on, his body sliding right into place next to Chester. He kissed his boyfriend’s naked shoulder and smiled when Chester looked his way. “Hey, there,” he husked, his fingers spreading open over Chester’s stomach. “I don’t know if I’ve told you, but I really missed walking in here and seeing you in bed the past few nights.” 

Chester’s hand covered Mike’s. He squeezed his fingers as he stared into his dark eyes that were covered in shadows by the glow of the lamp. “I’ve missed you in so many ways. The bed at the hotel was nice, but it was so big and so empty. I kept getting lost and tangled up in all the blankets.” He let go of Mike’s fingers to run his hand up his arm, onto his shoulder and to his beard, which was soft and clean. “It’s been hard,” he whispered, before he guided Mike’s face to his so they could kiss. He suckled on Mike’s bottom lip, his fingers making their way to the sensual spot right behind his lover’s ear.

Mike shifted a little on his side, his fingers tracing over Chester’s side and then down. He slid a single finger underneath the top of the panties and rubbed it back and forth while he coaxed Chester’s lips apart with his tongue. A rush of arousal hit him instantly as everything Chester swirled around him. Warm skin, slick tongue, hot breaths, needy hands. He heard the soft moan from his throat when Chester’s fingers tightened in his hair, and Mike pressed in a little closer, his whole hand going down the back of the lace panties. He wasn’t sure how long they would last on Chester’s body tonight. 

The feel of Mike’s hands on his skin, underneath the panties was the one Chester had been waiting for. He let the kissing continue as they both took turns taking the lead - wet kisses, soft kisses, aggressive kisses, and teasing kisses that made them both smile in the moment. But soon it wasn’t enough, and Chester was ready for more contact. More action. 

He sat himself up, away from Mike’s touch. He didn’t miss the instant pout on his lover’s face. “Lay back,” Chester instructed, shoving Mike on his leg gently as he managed himself up on his hands and knees. A smile quirked across his lips as he watched his boyfriend comply, and then Chester was between his legs. It didn’t take long for Mike’s knees to raise, for his eyes to close, as Chester took hold of Mike’s cock to lick and suck and pamper it. Mike was already leaking, and Chester lapped it up, loving the familiar taste. He pressed his lip ring right to the spot under Mike’s mushroom head, and the moan that came from his boyfriend’s throat was more than satisfying.

Mike’s head went back, pressing into the pillow as his body arched into Chester’s touch. He fumbled around with one hand for a moment until he got the top of Chester’s head, cupping it lightly while his cock got all the attention. Every time the lip ring pressed into his skin, a jolt of electricity flowed through him, with a gasp or a moan following right behind. His lips were parted and his breathing was heavy, and Chester was lavishing him with kisses, licks, and sucks from the hot inside of his mouth. The thought crossed his mind just how long it had been since he’d come in Chester’s mouth, and another spike of adrenaline shot through his body. He lifted his free hand to the headboard and grabbed on, turning his head to the side as he pulled. One hand was full of his boyfriend’s soft hair, gently stroking. The other was fisted and straining, an outlet for the aggression and need he was feeling. 

Chester slid both hands down Mike’s inner thighs, and then to the outside, feeling over the soft dark hair he could recognize by touch. His mouth had everything on the cock side of things handled. He could move Mike’s dick around easily with his tongue, his chin, his nose, his lips. There was no need to get his hands involved unless he decided to do more. In the meantime, it was nice to stroke the other parts of his boyfriend’s body. He felt the tight muscles in Mike’s thighs, the boney kneecap on each leg, the warm, soft buttcheeks that raised off the bed for him when his fingers slid that far down. He sent one hand over Mike’s pubic hair, and then up onto the bottom part of his belly. 

It was a mix of fun and pleasure for Chester, even as he left his own aching cock alone. There was a lot of satisfaction in making his lover feel good, in skimming his hands all over Mike’s skin. He knew it wouldn’t last too much longer though. The more he got Mike to moan, the more he made his lover’s hips buck, the closer he knew they were to needing to move onto something else. Chester’s mind was already working forward. Part of him wanted to turn around, to flash his white lacy panties in Mike’s direction. He could easily imagine the sensation of his boyfriend’s hands and his dick pressed against him. That was one of his favorite feelings when it came to sex. 

But another part of him wanted to keep Mike right where he was. He could leave the panties on, pull his dick out from behind the lace, and scoot up a foot. He could get his hands on either side of Mike’s head, he could lube himself up and really make his lover moan. 

Both options were enticing and making Chester’s body zip with more excitement. He could feel the lace restraining his cock that wanted to be free. He shut his eyes and pulled back, slowly dragging his tongue from the base of Mike’s dick all the way to the tip before swirling it around his slit, and then he let it go. He searched for his boyfriend’s eyes, but they were hidden, his face buried into his arm over his head. “What do you want to do?” Chester asked, his mouth already feeling dry from the taste of pre-cum as he breathed heavily. 

A frustrated moan popped from Mike’s mouth before he could stop it. He’d been completely lost in sensation and the escalation of pleasure when Chester stopped. It was hard to bring his scrambled mind back to form a coherent thought. He could feel Chester looking at him, and Mike twisted his face out of his arm to look up and make eye contact. There were pink spots high on Chester’s cheekbones, and his lips were swollen, glistening wet, and puffy from sucking his cock. Mike pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and exhaled sharply through his nose, letting his eyes travel down Chester’s flushed skin. “Fuck,” he groaned when he found his voice. “I was enjoying _that_.” 

He watched Chester sit up a little more, and his fingers hooked onto the front of the lacy white panties. “But I haven’t gotten to play with these, yet. Come on up here and let me touch you.” He could see the outline of Chester’s cock through the lace, and Mike wanted to feel him. 

It was a few seconds of rearranging, and then Chester was perched on his lap, his knees on either side of Mike’s hips as he leaned back into Mike’s bent knees. Mike tucked one arm up under his head to raise it up so he could see and reached, running his finger tips down Chester’s skin. He watched Chester’s eyes close and his head go back before he even got to the panties. “You’re so fucking hot,” Mike whispered, his fingers teasing the wet tip of his lover’s trapped penis. “And wet for me. I haven’t even touched you yet, and look at you.” Mike squeezed his fingers down the shaft, then teased back up before he opened his hand and covered the front of the panties. He felt the pulse of Chester’s cock against his hand as he pressed down, rubbing the panties in little circles. It felt good, and Mike bit down hard on his bottom lip. He could touch Chester like this for hours and enjoy the way it made his lover squirm. He felt his own dick lift and bump against Chester’s backside, reminding them both that he was hard and waiting. “I love the way you look right there,” he finally decided. “I want you to ride me, Ches.” 

“Mmmmmm, I’m all for that,” Chester decided quickly. He picked his head up and bent forward, leaning over Mike’s torso so they could kiss. His hands were planted, his ass grinding against Mike’s naked cock. His boyfriend was stiff and ready to go. Their kisses were fast and needy, and Chester made a trail down Mike’s neck before he let his teeth come out, clamping on lightly as he sucked. He heard the pinch in Mike’s inhale, and the feel of his hands as Mike reached around to cup Chester’s ass, the two of them rocking together. 

The plan was already forming in Chester’s mind. As soon as he was done sucking on Mike’s neck, he’d reach over and get the lube. He’d help Mike get it on his fingers, and then they’d go right back to this position. Mike could easily finger him from underneath. They’d done it before. It would be enough to stretch what was needed, and then Mike’s thick cock would be next. Chester groaned into Mike’s hot neck at the thought. He was going to get all the sensation of being penetrated, but he’d be in control of everything else. Or mostly in control. Even from the bottom, Mike often took over, especially when he was about to come. He would grab Chester’s hips and move him around to the right spot before he’d work twice as hard to meet every one of Chester’s thrusts. It was its own kind of thrill, and Chester was ready for it. 

He gasped as he let Mike’s neck go, knowing he’d just left a pulsating hickey on his lover’s skin. “Hang on. I’ll get the lube,” he managed to say before he leaned and twisted. He felt Mike’s hands go to his thighs, like he was trying to help Chester balance and not go falling off of him or the bed. Chester opened the nightstand and grabbed the bottle before he sat himself upright. “Give me your hands,” he said with a wyly smile as he flipped the cap open.

“Both of them?” Mike asked, holding them out together anyway. “Just one. Keep one clean,” he decided, and Chester only nodded as he helped lube up Mike’s fingers. The slick gel was cold to the touch, but Mike knew it would heat up quickly. Chester was perched over him still, and with one hand he pulled the lace panties to the side, the wet fingers of his other hand searching underneath. It took an extra second, but Mike found his target, his middle finger tracing over Chester’s opening to spread the lube. Having his boyfriend over him, his legs spread wide over his hips, gave him more room to work under the panties, and Mike was hoping they had enough room to make this work with the panties staying on. He wasn’t sure about the friction, or how it would affect Chester’s orgasm, but he wanted to give it a go.

Chester was watching him as Mike carefully pushed against the muscle, his middle finger sliding slowly inside the hot cavern, and then he saw his boyfriend’s eyes close. Mike held his breath, pulling out his finger and then pushing back in, wiggling it side to side. Despite the surge in his hormones, Mike stayed gentle and slow until he felt Chester push down just a little into his hand. “Yeah?” he whispered, his own cock aching, “yeah, babe, you like it.” Mike held the panties to the side, stroking the fabric between his fingers while he watched Chester’s face. He brought another finger into the game, prodding gently next to the one already inside his boyfriend. “You want another one, don’t you?” 

Chester’s ass was up, his weight on his knees and hands as he held himself in place. He could feel Mike’s finger, deep and prodding. It felt good, and Chester was ready to agree with more. “Fuck,” he whispered, his knees sliding just a little further apart as his head dropped right next to Mike’s. He breathed hot air over the shell of Mike’s ear. “Yes. More.” He clenched his mouth shut as he moved his hips, shoving Mike’s finger in a little deeper. The higher up on Mike’s body he was, the more room Mike had to get fingers and dicks and whatever else inside him. It was a split second between that knowledge coming to the forefront, and Chester acting on it. He shimmied a little further up the bed, leaving his ass an open target for Mike to aim at.

It didn’t take long. He felt Mike’s middle finger leave, and then return, this time with two fingers together. It was a stretch to his body, but Chester took it in, knowing that it would quickly turn to pleasure. He was frozen, his mouth open as he breathed through it, and then the switch flipped. His muscles relaxed, allowing both of Mike’s long, trained fingers to penetrate easily. “Fuck me, I love it!” Chester half yelled before he picked his head up. He could see the look on Mike’s face - that consumed look of wanting pleasure and control and Chester was going to give it to him. He felt Mike’s other hand squeeze his left ass cheek, pulling it with the panties even further as Chester humped Mike’s hand. His dick was still inside the lacy cage, but he was high enough up on Mike that every thrust sent it scraping against his lover’s stomach. It was hot and sweaty, and it was rubbing the lacy panties the right way, titillating Chester’s cock. 

“I want to be inside you now,” Mike panted, his breaths already hot and heavy from exertion and Chester’s weight on him. Fingering wasn’t easy this way, especially when his lover added his own movements into the mix. He was pretty sure they had both had enough foreplay, and he lifted his head to take a kiss. Chester met him halfway, their lips and tongues meshing together for a quick moment. They were both needy, and Mike could feel Chester’s body clench around his fingers as the kiss broke and Chester went still. Mike was careful, slowly pulling his fingers out, listening and focusing on Chester’s breathing. 

Together they were good at this part, the transition to full on sex. Mike felt Chester lift onto his knees again and he reached down to hold his cock still so Chester could take control. His lover hadn’t mentioned taking the panties off, and Mike kept them pushed carefully to the side while they got lined up. He couldn’t help the quick strokes he gave himself before his wet tip nestled against Chester’s opening. They didn’t need any words. Mike looked up at Chester and nodded his head.

Being on top meant Chester was in complete control of this part, and he was careful as he eased himself down. He felt the pressure, the immediate stop his body wanted to give, but he pushed his ass down, knowing it had to be done. He hissed in discomfort the moment he felt it was too much - the burning sensation as his skin and muscles stretched - and jerked forward for the instant relief, completely separating them. “I’m sorry,” he said with a pant, looking down into Mike’s black eyes. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” Mike breathed in through his nose and let it out slowly while they regrouped. He knew it must have hurt for Chester to stop the way he had, and the only thought he had was that maybe he wasn’t slick enough. “I’m okay. Do we need more lube?” He turned his head to the side, trying to track where the bottle was, ready to let go of the panties to help.

“Let’s put more on,” Chester agreed. Too much lube was always better than not enough. He looked around, and spotted the bottle. He reached to get it and Mike volunteered to do the work so Chester could stay where he was. It was an awkward minute while lube was applied and Chester scooted up even higher to try and be out of the way. He had to laugh. “If anyone was watching, they’d think we were crazy,” he said, before he plopped a kiss to the top of Mike’s head. “I’m glad no one is anymore,” he added in a whisper just before he felt Mike’s hands on his hips, guiding him back. He felt the tug on the lace panties, and he cracked a smile as he readied himself again. 

The difference was huge. Mike's slick cock slid right into Chester’s opening, and there was only a second of hesitation before he pushed down, getting the mushroom head past his first line of defense muscles. Chester stopped, his eyes shut as he breathed, hovered over his lover. He gave his body the time to adjust, and when the sting was gone, he eased himself down. He hissed again, this time in pleasure, his fingers digging into the blanket. He only went halfway down before he pulled back up, and then down. He had to get his insides slicked, too, and let everything mold and form around Mike’s head and shaft. Each thrust he went a little further down, until his bottom was resting flush against the base of Mike’s cock. He was full, and he wanted to enjoy it for a few moments as his insides quivered at the sensation, his own cock leaking like crazy.

“Just us,” Mike agreed in a breath, his heart racing as Chester settled himself all the way down. As always, it was hard in the first moments to stay still, but he managed, staring up into Chester’s face. The heat and squeeze around his cock felt amazing, and with the physical connection came the emotional completion that had been missing the past four days. Mike felt the part of his heart that belonged to Chester click into place. “I love you. I love you so much.” His fingers were still pulling the panties to the side, but he moved the other to the front, where Chester’s cock was straining against the lace. He covered his boyfriend with his hand and stroked him slowly while their bodies were still. Chester was hard under the soft lace, and Mike wanted more than anything to watch him come riding his hips in those panties. He was so ready.

Chester’s hand went right to Mike’s face, stroking down his cheek and then into his beard. His eyes closed. “I love you, too. God, Mike, I do.” It was time to move, time to further the electric connection that was between them. With Mike’s hand still on his covered cock, Chester slowly started to move. Up and down, easily at first, until his insides really started to open up. His breathing picked up, his heart racing. He clawed at the blankets as Mike shifted his hips a little, and the penetration hit close to his spot. Chester felt the difference - the powerful hit of sexual surges. “Fuck, yeah!” he called out as he went harder. 

The panties were keeping everything locked in, the restriction almost serving as an extra boost while Mike kept a steady hand right on him. Chester didn’t know if he could hit his orgasm like this or not, but he was closer now than he had been a few seconds ago. He could already feel Mike bucking up into his thrusts. The entire bed shook with their weight and movements. His boyfriend was going to come soon, and Chester was hoping he could meet him there.

Mike’s eyes were half open, his concentration not on himself but on Chester. He could feel his orgasm coming and had to move his hand from Chester’s cock to his hip, the other finally letting go of the wet panties to grip onto the opposite side. If he couldn’t get Chester to come on top of him, Mike was ready to lay him on the bed and go down on him, but he knew what both of their preferences were. He wanted to feel Chester’s orgasm around his cock, and he knew how much better Chester’s would feel while he was inside him. Coming with penetration was the best way, Mike knew from experience.

With each bounce up and down Chester made, Mike shifted him a little, trying his hardest to meet each thrust and find his prostate. Keeping his own orgasm back was harder with each stroke, and Mike had to look away from the light glisten of sweat, the sexy flush on Chester’s skin, and the way his eyes were squeezed tight while he stayed in motion. Mike closed his eyes and willed his aim to find the target. He only had seconds left. “Come on, come on,” he growled, “it’s so good, so good, Ches.” 

The grip on Chester’s hips told him they were at the end. Mike was seconds away, and Chester could feel his orgasm creeping closer. He pushed down hard and back up and harder even still, his pace fast as Mike maneuvered their position slightly from one thrust to the next. Chester’s insides were ramping up, and right as he felt Mike’s fingernails digging into his hips, a bright flash zipped across Chester’s eyes. Mike’s cock hit his prostate, the reaction instant. “There!” Chester screamed. “There, fucking there!” He kept his movements going as Mike’s increased, his insides taking the pounding in just the right spot. Before Chester could even register it fully, mental images of Mike sped across his mind, his private home movie of all things Sexy Boy, just the way Chester loved him, and then the rush hit. 

Chester’s mouth dropped open as he came, as his encased cock let go and his offering was smeared all over the dainty lace panties. It was new and exciting, and his insides trembled through the release, his ass numb. 

Mike kept going, his hands tight on Chester’s hips as he felt the squeeze and tremors of his lover’s body around his cock. He was only seconds behind Chester, his body relieved to find release. He felt his head go back as he pumped his hips into his boyfriend, the pulses of his orgasm coming hard and fast on the heels of Chester’s. It wasn’t until they were both finished that he felt the friction and pull of the panties against him, and a low chuckle hit him as his hands fell away, palms up, in blissful defeat. He felt Chester slump against him, the panties warm and sticky with cum. “Fuck, Ches, I thought for a minute I was gonna come before you. That was so good.”

It took him a minute to get enough strength to lift his arms and wrap them around Chester’s sweaty back. He was sweaty too. He could feel it on his back and under the hair on his forehead. Their faces were right next to each other, and Mike could feel their labored breathing as he nuzzled his nose into Chester’s cheek, then pressed a kiss to the same spot. They were a mess of lube and cum, and he knew they both needed a quick rinse in the shower - again. But right now he wanted to hold his boyfriend that he’d missed so much close against his body. “You. Felt. Amaaaazing.” 

“I can’t move,” Chester groaned back, a soft chuckle mixed in with his tone. His eyes were shut, his body hot, and he knew he was a weight on Mike, probably feeling heavier by the second. “I need water. And I think I need to change my panties,” he giggled as he picked his head up to look his lover in the face. “You were amazing, too, Sexy Boy. Like always.” He pressed a quick kiss to Mike’s lips before he slowly sat himself up, his body groaning louder than his mouth. He knew dismounting was not going to be fun, but it needed to be done. He could already feel Mike’s girth shrinking inside of him. “Hold still,” he mumbled before he carefully lifted himself off with hiss and then fell to the bed. His legs and arms sprawled in every direction. His knees were sore, and so were his wrists. Holding his weight on his hands for so long had taken its toll. 

Mike rolled over on his side, his eyes landing on the back of Chester’s head. The cool air hit his body the moment Chester pulled away, and it felt good. He reached over and rubbed his hand over Chester’s hair, then kissed the back of his neck, the same way he did in the mornings when they woke up together. “I’ll get you some water. And _if_ you decide to put on panties to sleep in, I’m all for the black ones with the pink polka dots.” He sat up slowly, but his body didn’t ache the way it usually did after sex. That meant Chester had done the majority of the work, all the way around. “Be right back, babe.”

He ran his hand over the sticky remnants of cum on his stomach as he walked to the kitchen. He could only laugh at Cheese, who heard him coming and was standing at the gate, her tiny tail wagging. “Not yet, girl,” he said to the puppy as he stepped over the gate and went to the sink to wash his hands before he got Chester a glass of water. “Let us get ready for bed and I’ll come get you.” The pitiful whines left behind made Mike’s heart hurt. He already loved the dog so much, and he knew she needed some attention, too.

Chester was still sprawled out when Mike sat down on the edge of the bed. “Here,” he said, holding the water out. “I’ll go rinse off real fast while you drink that.” 

“Have I told you how much I love you?” Chester asked, one eye open as he watched Mike grin and stand up from the bed, heading for the bathroom. “And I hear our Cheesy Girl out there!” he hollered after him. He knew Mike said something in reply, but it was blocked out as the bathroom door closed. 

Chester let out a sigh before he slowly sat himself up. He was exhausted, and the day really started to hit as he swung his legs off the side of the bed and drank his water. It was cool, and felt good running down his throat and into his system. If he wasn’t gross, he could pass out in seconds, but he knew he couldn’t. 

The water was gone too fast, and he left the empty glass on the nightstand before he stood up. He looked down at his white lace panties, which were dark from wetness and cum. “I really need to change,” he mumbled as he pulled at them, before deciding quickly he didn’t want to walk any further in them than he had to. He carefully pulled them off and tossed them into the dirty clothes basket before heading to the dresser. The thought to grab another pair of panties was there, even though he usually slept naked. _Mike mentioned the black ones with the pink polkadots. I know he really likes those. They’re soft. I bet they’d be okay to sleep in._

It didn’t take long to find them, and he flipped them over his shoulder, like they were a towel or a washcloth before he headed for the bathroom. He wanted to jump in the shower and rinse off and then pass out like there was no tomorrow. But Mike was still hogging the space, so headed to the kitchen instead. “Cheese, it’s okay,” he told the puppy as he stood completely naked on the other side of the gate, looking down at her. “Just give us a few more minutes. Your daddies have to get cleaned up. Look,” he complained as he motioned over his front. “I’m a mess.”

The puppy didn’t care. She was up on her hind legs, pawing at the gate and giving Chester her best whine. “It’s not fair,” he told her, shaking his head. “You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re being adorable on purpose. Mike pulls that same trick on me.” 

“I hear you talking about me,” Mike called into the living room. He balled up his towel and threw it into the hamper. He thought he’d been quick, just washing his face and rinsing his body off so he’d be comfortable in his boxers and not sticky. “I’ll get her, you go get clean. It’s your turn,” Mike informed Chester, as though that weren’t obvious. “We’ll meet you in the bedroom. Oh!” He spotted the black and pink panties on Chester’s shoulder. “Mmmm, even though I just had the best view, I’m looking forward to that one.” 

Chester turned around, just in time to cup his hand around Mike’s bicep. “You’re awful,” he cooed, before he let his lover go. He really wanted to go get clean, and he couldn’t stop yawning. “Fair warning, I’m passing out the moment I hit the bed!” he called over his shoulder before disappearing into the bathroom. 

_No worries there,_ Mike thought as he squatted down to release the baby gate and free Cheese. “You ready to go to bed?” he said in his happy puppy voice. Cheese immediately attacked his toes, licking two of them and then backing up before attacking again. “Stop that,” Mike fussed, picking her up and standing up. He flicked off the kitchen light and carried Cheese to the bedroom, and the little pink zebra bed in the corner. “No more whining tonight, you be a good girl and let Ches sleep. He’s tired. All worn out.” Mike grinned at the thought, a satisfied feeling coming over him. “I’m worn out, too, and I didn’t even do anything,” he whispered to the dog, settling her into her place before he climbed into bed.

He rolled over on his side, getting into position for Chester to come slide into bed next to him and back his black and pink polka dotted behind up next to him. “Night, Cheese,” he said to the dog, who he could hear rustling around, not quite comfortable yet. Mike didn’t have that problem. He knew if Chester didn’t hurry, he’d be asleep before he came to bed. 

The yawning continued as Chester stepped out into the hallway. Lights were still on, and he took the few steps to the living room to fix that. He followed the soft glow coming from the bedroom to make it back. He stepped in and smiled. Mike was already snuggled up in bed, his hair covering most of his face. “I’m so ready to sleep,” Chester said as he made his way to the bed and pulled back the blankets. 

Mike opened his eyes just in time to see Chester, wearing the black and pink panties he’d requested, getting ready to turn off the lights and lay down. “You are the sexiest thing alive, I hope you know that,” he mumbled, opening his arms for Chester to snuggle into. He pecked another kiss to the back of his boyfriend’s neck and wrapped the two of them as closely together as he could manage. There would be no problems sleeping tonight. Chester was back in his arms, where he belonged. “Good night, babe. Love you.” Mike barely heard Chester’s whispered reply before he was knocked out. 

****  
TBC


	13. CHOP!

Mark’s voice was the first thing Chester heard. 

“I’m not sure what you’re so confused about, Chaz. You’re a good lay. A damn good lay. It’s a compliment.” 

_Chop!_

Chester jumped, the vision of Mark becoming suddenly clear. His former boss was standing behind the counter in the massive kitchen of the YRS mansion. Mark had his normal dress shirt on - a pale blue number that Chester had never liked - along with a white butcher’s apron. It looped around his neck and waist, and had red splattered stains from top to bottom. 

_Chop!_ went the giant cleaver Mark was using to divide up the piles of raw meat that were scattered over Brad’s precious white granite countertops. Chester could see everything from legs of lamb, to full-bodied pigs. There were small cuts of red meat and bits of chicken. 

It was overwhelming to look at it. Everytime the cleaver hit the cutting board, Chester jumped and flinched from his place on the bed. Bed? He looked around, his eyes wide. He was planted directly in the middle of his and Mike’s bed, the black and red flannel blankets under him as he stayed crouched on his knees. He had no idea why their bed was in the YRS kitchen, but it was, and it was a safe distance from Mark and the meat cleaver, which was a good thing.

_Chop!_

“I know sex, Chaz,” Mark continued as he manhandled the meat in front of him. What was chopped, sliced, or simply ripped apart by his hands. “And I know you. I know what you’re capable of. Sex is your talent. It’s what you’re good at. Don’t fault the men in your life for wanting it from you.” 

_Chop!_

Chester jumped, his fingers clawing into the bed. He looked from Mark, down at himself, and he was relieved to see he was fully dressed - jeans, a white v-neck shirt, and his rose gold bracelet. He was barefoot, but it didn’t bother him as he said, “I’m good at other stuff, Mark. You don’t know. You’re not here anymore.” 

Mark rolled his eyes. “Please, Chaz. Do you really think I’m not here? That I’m not with you? I’m _always_ going to be with you. I can’t say the same for your artsy boyfriend.” 

_Chop!_

Chester flinched, but stayed where he was, safe on the bed. “What does that mean? Me and Mike are fine.” 

“Fine? What’s your definition of fine, Chaz?” 

Chester stopped, his mouth already open to give an answer in his relationship’s defense, but he suddenly wasn’t sure what to say. 

“See?” Mark said, pointing his cleaver at Chester. “You can’t even say something positive about it. And it’s _not_ fine. Do you honestly think that smart-mouthed punk would still be with you if you weren’t putting out?” 

“Well -” 

_Chop!_

“No, he wouldn’t,” Mark interrupted. “And don’t even look shocked, Chaz. I’m no stranger to Mike Shinoda. He’s a sex addict, and if he couldn’t get it from you, he’d get it from some other hot young man. There’s no lack of them on that college campus he’s got you living on. Ever wonder why that is?” 

“Because he’s on a scholarship and -”

“Because he likes being surrounded by sexy men, Chaz.” Mark slammed the cleaver down. “I don’t know how you can even deny that I’m right. Have you forgotten already what happened last time?” 

Chester sank back a little on the bed. “Last time?” 

Mark looked up sharply, his gray eyes cutting through Chester’s heart. “When you started on those happy pills. The ones that make you numb.” Mark left the comment hanging in the air, and Chester felt every second of it. 

“They don’t. I mean, not so much anymore. I need them, Mark. I’m better now because of them. And therapy, it’s helping. And Mike, he, he…” Chester looked away and down at the bed. 

“Therapy is helping?” Mark questioned. “I guess I’ve always known you were weak, Chaz. You were weak when I found you, and you’re still weak all these years later. I was hoping you’d learn something from me, but I guess you still haven’t.” 

_Chop!_

Chester jumped as he looked up, just in time to see Mike and Jason standing together a few feet away from the bed. His boyfriend looked the way Chester always thought about him - young and innocent, with blue spiked hair and a million dollar smile. Mike’s big brown eyes that Chester loved flashed his way. Jason had his arm around Mike’s waist. He was dressed like Mark, in a pale blue dress shirt and dockers. His hair was combed and in place, the way it looked every time Chester saw him walking around the house in the hills. Mike turned and nuzzled his nose and lips into the crook of Jason’s neck. 

Chester felt his bottom jaw shake. 

“You see?” Mark said as he left his meat cleaver on the counter and put his hands on his hips. “This is what happened. Your precious little pills shriveled your dick up and what did Mike do? He ran right to _my_ husband.” Mark’s nostrils flared as he glared at the couple. “Of course, I always knew the two of them would be hot. It’s a pity you never saw them together, Chaz. You do know why, don’t you? Why Mike so quickly gave you up for Jason?” 

Chester couldn’t feel his heart. “I don’t want to know,” he whimpered as he watched Mike lean in and kiss Jason, their bodies pressed together. “Mike? Mike, what about me?” he asked, even though his voice felt weak. Soft. Puny. 

Mark’s head went back as he laughed. “You’re so pathetic. Wake up and smell the reality, Chaz. The only reason Mike came back to you was because your cock finally started working again. Didn’t that ever cross your mind? The moment _it_ stops, he’s gone. He’s already done it once, and he’ll do it again. Until then, he’s got a pretty good deal. He gets to fuck you whenever he wants. You clean his house. You buy his groceries. You cook his meals. You do his laundry. You’re practically a maid with benefits. And where do you think he learned that? Rich mommy and daddy had servants, too, and that’s exactly what you are, Chaz. You’re a servant with a better title.”

Chester could feel the tears running down his cheeks as he looked from Mark’s cold eyes to his boyfriend, his boyfriend who had his hands all over Jason Wakefield. “I’m not,” Chester said, looking back at Mark. “I, I do those things because I love him. Mike,” he called, frantically looking over at his lover. “Mike, tell him he’s wrong. Mike! Mike tell him you love me, too!” He waited, but there was no response to his plea, and Chester couldn’t take it. 

He scrambled to get off the bed. Maybe Mike just couldn’t hear him. Or see him. He didn’t know, but staying on the bed wasn’t helping. He went to put his bare feet on the floor, and was shocked. He yelped and jumped back on the bed as Mark laughed. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Chaz, but you need to stay right there on the bed. It’s where you look best. And if you still don’t believe me about Mike, just ask Ryan.” 

Before Chester could even change gears and get his mind to shift from Mike to Ryan, the latter was right in front of him. Ryan with his clear blue eyes and black jagged hair. The sexy scruff on his jawline and his long legs - he was close, and Rob was right next to him. “Ry?” Chester called as he crawled to the end of the bed and reached out, the other man only half a step away. “Ry? It’s me!” 

Chester watched as Ryan looked around, as he slid an arm around Rob, as he waved to Mark and even told Mike and Jason hello. But he had no words for Chester, not even a glance or a silent smile. 

“You see?” Mark asked. “You don’t matter to him anymore, Chaz. No sex, no affection, no kisses or tight hugs or letting him grab your ass. You took all the good stuff away from him, and now he has no use for you.” 

Chester looked from Mark to Ryan and back again. “No. No, that’s not true. Ryan’s my friend!” 

_Chop!_

Chester flinched, falling back on the bed. 

“Sure he is, Chaz. Just like Mike actually loves you,” Mark said with a nasty chuckle between his words. “I guess you do have more than one talent. You’re damn good at lying to yourself, too.” 

“I’m not,” Chester protested as tears rolled down his cheeks. “I’m not! It’s not true! None of this is true!” 

Mike’s head shot up from the pillow in the darkness. He was disoriented, not sure what had pulled him so completely from a dead sleep to alertness. The bed felt hot, and he pushed the blanket back from his skin for some air just as Chester’s elbow caught his side. “Owww,” he whined softly, his hand going to his ribs to rub the sore spot. A sound came from Chester, something that could have been a mumbled apology. But it wasn’t an apology, it was a whimper, and it registered to Mike’s sleepy brain that something was wrong as he squinted, trying to make out Chester’s face. There was just enough light for him to see Chester wiping over his eyes in his sleep, and Mike figured the elbow had ended up hitting his side by accident. 

He leaned over his boyfriend, ready to gently pull his hands from his face and tuck his body close, a form of night time comfort and protection he was used to giving when Chester was restless. It wasn’t uncommon for his boyfriend to have nightmares, though they had been mild in the months since therapy started and they’d moved out of the loft. Sometimes Mike would rouse from sleep to hear Chester mumbling, or moving restlessly, and all it took to calm him down was Mike wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close. 

Tonight as he moved to soothe Chester the way he typically did, the source of the heat became apparent. Chester’s body next to him was sticky with sweat. “Ches?” Mike whispered, his hand on Chester’s arm. “You okay?” The skin under his hand felt feverish, and Mike shook off the remaining mental fuzziness. Now he was completely alert, and Mike knew he needed to get Chester awake. He shook his arm. “Chester.”

The nightmare inside Chester’s head started to go black. One by one everyone was disappearing. First Rob, then Jason. Ryan was next, and Mike was on his way out, his body slowly fading. “Mike!” Chester screamed from the bed as he went to reach for him, but he couldn’t. 

“Don’t fight it, Chaz,” Mark said before he slammed the meat cleaver down. _Chop!_ “He’s just like the others. He’s just like the others. He’s just like the others. He’s just like the others. He’s just like the others.”

The mantra continued as Chester covered his ears and curled himself into a ball on the bed. “No! He’s not! He’s not!”

Hearing his name made Mike’s heart beat faster. “Chester! Ches!” Mike’s voice was louder now, and somewhere in his mind it registered that Cheese was whining now, too. He shook Chester a little firmer, this time with both hands. “Wake up, Ches, it’s a dream!” A helpless feeling took hold, and Mike could feel the panic rising in his own chest. He knew it wouldn’t do any good for him to get upset, too, but not being able to pull Chester away from the nightmare made him feel sick. His mind was racing through what could have triggered it, on this particular night. _We had a great night! Everything was fine when we went to sleep!_

The thought that Chester had been away from him for four nights, that he could have had nightmares all alone, came to Mike in a flash, and he pushed it away. _He would have said something!_ “Chester, babe, come on,” he pleaded. He was sitting completely up now, one hand on Chester’s shoulder and the other on his arm. 

Mark’s declaration was still bombarding, still crashing down everywhere, just as Chester registered Mike’s louder, stronger voice. And then he felt the shake to his arm and shoulder. His eyes popped open as he gasped, like there wasn’t enough air in the room. 

Chester bolted up in bed, and instinctively tried to pull away from the hands that were on him. “No! No!” He screamed as he swatted blindly through the dark. “Don’t!” He heard Mike’s very real and very close voice again, and this time it yanked him back into reality. Chester looked around, recognizing for the first time where he was. 

He looked over to see Mike’s shadowed face looking distressed and worried. Chester was shaking, his body wet with sweat. “Mike,” he cried, as he reached for his boyfriend. “You’re still here. You didn’t leave. You didn’t leave me.” 

“It’s me, Ches, just me, I’m here.” Mike was trying to speak calmly, but his heart was racing, and Cheese was whining louder next to the bed. He reached out again, meeting Chester’s embrace, his arms going around his shaking boyfriend. One hand stroked over his back, the other went up to pet over Chester’s head. “It’s okay, babe, I’m here, I’m here.” He felt the way Chester’s fingers curled into his skin, the grip so tight it was almost painful. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” he repeated. 

It took a minute of being held, of having Mike’s familiar hands smooth over him before Chester felt his body starting to calm down. _It was a dream. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real,_ he reminded himself, even though everything that had happened was still very clear in his mind. “Mark said you were like everyone else,” he whispered before he could stop himself, his face half buried into Mike’s bare chest. “You were disappearing. You and Jason. You were with Jason. And Ryan’s mad at me.” 

Mike froze. Everything in him seemed to stop. His heart, his breaths, his hands. Hearing Jason’s name was worse than hearing Mark’s. He hated Mark, and all that he had done to Chester, with every fiber of his being. But Jason… that was all Mike’s fault, and knowing that the two of them had been part of the nightmare cut deep. He squeezed his eyes closed and kissed the side of Chester’s face. “I’m not going anywhere, Ches. I’m here, with you. You and Cheese.” He could hear the puppy moving around at the side of the bed, pawing at the blanket and whining. “Mark is gone. Nothing he says is true. And I’m here,” he stated again firmly, cursing himself for ever leaving. 

It wasn’t the first time he wished he could go back to that night and tell Jason no, walk away and find wherever Chester had disappeared to with Ryan and bring him home. Undo all of the damage he’d caused, damage that lingered underneath the surface no matter how good things were between them at the moment. Mike’s thought of Ryan finally caused Chester’s mention of the other man to register, and Mike kissed the side of Chester’s face again. “Ryan’s not mad at you either. Everything, it was just a dream, Ches. A nightmare. You’re okay.”

Chester pulled away, and wiped his face. “It’s hot in here,” he whined, and for the first time he recognized that Cheese was crying. Chester sat himself up and twisted around to look over the side of the bed. Their puppy had come to his side, and she was on her hindlegs, pawing at the blanket. “Cheese, I’m sorry,” Chester whispered as he pushed away the rest of the blanket, freeing his naked legs. He wiped his face again before he glanced over his shoulder at Mike, who was hanging close. “I need some water. I’m okay,” he added before he bent down and scooped their puppy up. “I’m okay, Cheese,” he whispered to the dog, nuzzling her close. He already knew Mike was getting out of bed to follow him as he carried Cheese towards the kitchen. 

He was hot, and the little dog trembling in his arms wasn’t helping in that respect, but her concern was. He felt her lick his arm and then his chest as they slowly made it to the living room. The plan was to get water, but Chester found himself slumping onto the couch instead as Mike flipped the lights on. “I’m hot,” he repeated as Cheese stayed in his lap. He looked down at himself, and then back up at Mike, who was already in the kitchen getting him a glass. “I need a shirt. I need a shirt,” he repeated, though he didn’t mean to. He was still only in the black and pink panties he’d put on before he’d fallen asleep, and the need to be covered was suddenly strong. “And joggers,” he mumbled, knowing none of it made sense. He was both hot and wanted more clothes on. 

Mike filled the glass with ice and water and carried it out to Chester. “Here, babe. I’ll get you clothes,” he added, reaching down to pat Cheese’s head. “You two stay right here.” He hurried back to the bedroom, flipping on the lights to dig around for Chester’s clothes. The first pair of joggers he came across were black, and he thanked his good fortune. _Black goes with everything._ He pulled out a gray t-shirt with black words across the front, and then a pair of black and gray striped socks, just in case. _He didn’t say socks, but he always wears socks. He might want socks._

He was back out in the living room in just a few minutes, the color-coordinated clothes in hand. Chester had already drained the glass, and Cheese was still whining, but not as much. Mike took a deep breath to settle his stomach. “Let me have Cheese, babe, and you can get dressed.” He placed the clothes on the arm of the couch and held out his hands so the puppy could be transferred to him. He cuddled Cheese close, placing a kiss to her head. “Shhh, Cheese, it’s okay. Shhh.” He watched Chester over the puppy’s head, trying to analyze what to do next. “Do you want more water?” he asked, looking over at the empty glass. 

“Yes, please,” Chester answered as he pulled on every bit of clothing that Mike had brought him. He wasn’t sure why, but being fully dressed made him feel a hundred times better. He sat back down on the couch, and pulled his legs up under him, wiggling his toes inside his striped socks. It occurred to him quickly that his boyfriend had managed to not only bring him what he’d asked for, but he’d cared enough to match together a nice looking outfit, even if it was three in the morning and they weren’t going anywhere, other than _maybe_ back to bed. 

Chester looked towards the kitchen just in time to see Mike coming back out with more water. He took it as Mike sat down with him. Three large gulps later, and Chester’s insides finally started to feel cooler, like they were no longer on fire. “I’m sorry,” he said first before he looked over. He reached to pet Cheese on the head with a brief smile. “I didn’t mean to wake either of you up.” He looked back down at his half-empty glass. “Mike, I, I gotta tell you something.” 

Instantly Mike bit down on his bottom lip. He settled Cheese into his lap, relieved that she was calmer now and willing to sit still. It was hard to keep his mind from racing to worst case scenarios, but he took another deep breath and took one hand off the dog to reach for his boyfriend’s hand. “Okay. Whatever it is, babe, it’s okay.” He wasn’t convinced by his words, but he had to say something. Mike laced their fingers together and put his full attention on Chester, who was looking calmer now, too. Whatever was coming, he was as ready as he could get. 

“I was going to tell you, I just didn’t want to mess up our night last night. Guess I did anyway.” Chester took a deep breath. He really wasn’t sure how Mike was going to take what he was going to say, but he knew he couldn’t keep it in either. “Me and Ryan went to a club. A gay club, in New York. It basically sucked,” he said, keeping Mike’s hand in his. “He wanted to go and have a drink and dance, and it took some convincing on his part, but I finally agreed to go. There were a few bozos who tried to hit on me. Every single one of them knows about you and Cheese now. I showed them my lockscreen on my phone, you know, the one of the three of us.” He watched as Mike nodded before he glanced down at their puppy, who looked much more relaxed now. One of her paws was on Mike’s arm, stretched toward Chester like she was trying to hold hands, too. 

“When we got back to the hotel, we’d had a few drinks. Ryan more than me.” Chester stopped. He wasn’t sure how much of the story Mike needed to hear, and it was hard to get his words right. He figured just getting to the point would be best. He sat under Mike’s gaze before he said, “He kissed me. I told him no. I told him I didn’t want to do that anymore, that the only person I want to kiss is you. He got mad. He really is mad at me, Mike, that wasn’t just in the dream.” 

Chester looked across the small living room space to stare at the short, black wire bookcase sitting under the television. They had books now. They were all Mike’s books for school, but they were still books. “He walked out and I thought he’d be better this morning. Or, yesterday morning,” Chester tried to correct. “But he wasn’t. He wouldn’t talk to me, or even really look at me. He’s never done that before. He didn’t even want to walk with me at the airport. I spent the entire time from New York to L.A. with him sitting next to me not saying anything.” 

Chester wiped at the corner of his eye with his free hand. “Mark said in the dream it’s because I’m only good for sex, and now I’ve taken that away from Ryan so he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I know it was just a dream, but, but what if that’s right?” He didn’t want to look back over at Mike. He didn’t want to see the look on his boyfriend’s face. Instead, Chester dropped his head and closed his eyes, his hand trembling as he covered his face. “He didn’t tell me goodbye at the airport. He just walked off without saying anything. He was going so fast, I couldn’t catch up.”

The entire time Chester was telling the story - the story that had nothing to do with the dream, but was something that had really happened - Mike could feel the angry feelings bubbling. He didn’t like the idea of Chester going to a gay bar and drinking with Ryan, but he trusted his boyfriend. He had to. He’d promised months ago that Chester’s friendship with Ryan wasn’t going to be a source of arguments between them anymore. He’d promised to support _Ryan and Chester nights_ , even though it had been hard to stay at Joe’s alone while they were together. It had been a relief on Mike’s side when Ryan had started spending more time with Rob, but when it started to affect Chester, it bothered Mike. He didn’t want to see Chester hurting, ever. 

And trusting Ryan was a completely different story. Mike knew it was Chester who had drawn the lines between him and Ryan, and he was still certain that Ryan held a torch for his boyfriend. Hearing Chester confirm that, admit that Ryan tried to kiss him, made Mike want to go drag him out of Rob’s bed and confront him. If he’d had any idea where Rob’s bed was, he might have done it. But looking over at Chester’s downcast expression, feeling the shake of his body, Mike knew the time for confronting Ryan would have to be later, and that being upset wasn’t going to help anything in the moment. He turned his focus from Ryan to Mark.

“Chester. Mark isn’t here anymore,” he stated softly, squeezing their linked fingers. “All of those things in your head, they’re wrong. None of that is true. You are so much more than sex. I wish that would go away. I would do anything to get him out of your head. He’s evil, he’s manipulative. He lied to you, Chester. You’re my best friend. You’re sexy, but you’re also funny. You’re smart and you’re amazing in the kitchen. You’re a kick-ass model and you’ve got a great job you’re very successful at. You’re my puppy’s Daddy,” he added, trying to lighten the mood a little. “And I love you. Cheese loves you. And whatever Ryan is going through right now, Ches, it’s his issues. Not yours.” 

Mike tried to catch Chester’s eyes, but he was still looking down, his gaze focused on Cheese. As much as it pained him to say it, Mike went on, “Ryan was probably embarrassed, you know? Nobody likes to be rejected. And he knows the lines, the boundaries. Drinking probably didn’t help, and he didn’t know what to say to you. I don’t know why else he would act that way, but he’s a better person than that, Ches. There’s no way he thinks your entire friendship is only about sex.” Mike closed his eyes and breathed out through his nose. “I wish I could do something to help you understand how much more you are to the people who love you.” A list of times he’d come up short in that area flowed through his mind, and the guilty feelings returned with them. He didn’t know how to make this better, and he leaned over to press a kiss to Chester’s forehead. “I love you so much.” 

Chester was trembling. It was nice to hear those things, but deep down, he knew they were only half truths. He wasn’t smart, that had been proven over and over. Sure, he was a model, but he’d only gotten the job because of his work at YRS - his sex work. And the people who loved him? He wasn’t even sure who those people were anymore. 

Cheese loved him. He knew without a doubt that was 100% true. And despite everything, his heart believed that Mike did too. It was the biggest - the only - hope Chester held onto on a daily basis. Even when Mark would show up in his dreams, or when something would trigger a memory from the past, reminding Chester that he’d been so easily pushed aside by Mike for another man, he held onto the hope that his boyfriend really did love him. “I know Mark’s not here anymore. I tell him that every time I see him. I always tell him he’s dead, that he’s not here anymore and he always tells me it doesn’t matter.” 

He shoved his arm over his head, his hand getting lost in his brown curls. He was pretty sure he sounded crazy. “I told Ryan I’m sorry. I tried to apologize, not for saying no, but, just for upsetting him. We were in the hotel room, and he was on the bed and I was in the chair when we first got back from the bar. I told him I wanted to talk to you before I passed out, that I missed you so much. He...he said he missed Jay. He said he missed Jay, too, but that you guys were back here and we were there. I asked him if he meant to say Rob, you know? And he just shrugged it off. The whole night was fucked up. Maybe it wasn’t me at all. Maybe he wanted Jay and I was just the one who was there. I don’t know. I just don’t want him to be mad at me.” 

He looked over, and his eyes met Mike’s. “I love you, too. And I love our puppy.” He let go of Mike’s hand to pet Cheese on the head. “I know the dreams aren’t real. I really do. They just feel like they are when I’m in them. Mark’s always there, telling me stuff. Doing stuff to me. I wish my meds would make him go away. Like in that old movie. _Drop Dead Fred._ Do you remember that one? She took the pills to make her imaginary friend disappear.” 

“You don’t want it that way,” Mike said quietly, shaking his head. “You don’t want him to go away and be totally numb in return. You wouldn’t be you.” Mike leaned over, slinking his arm between the couch and Chester’s back, pulling him close. “And I’m sure Ryan does miss Jay. They were together a long time.” He stopped, afraid to say much more. Any time the subject of Jason came up, Mike wasn’t sure what he should and shouldn’t say. Months had gone by, and there were times, like now, where the memories felt fresh. “He was probably just mixed up, and I don’t know… I’m sure he’ll talk to you again. Just give him some time.” Mike leaned his head against Chester’s and closed his eyes. He hated that he didn’t have more to offer than physically being close, and his weak words of reassurance.

“Maybe,” Chester whimpered. The truth was that he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know if Ryan would ever talk to him or not, or if he was really in a loving relationship, or if he was just what Mike wanted right now. But it was what he had. “I need to pee,” he announced suddenly as he stood up, his legs unstable. “I’ll be right back.” He turned and headed for the bathroom. He heard Cheese make a fuss at his leaving, and that was encouraging. 

He stepped into the bathroom, and before stepping over to the toilet, he turned the faucet on and splashed water on his face. _He’s not real. Mark’s not real. He’s not here and he’s wrong anyway. Mike loves me. He promised. He promised me he loved me. For me._ He looked up, making eye contact with the mirror. He really wanted to believe Mike’s words. That he was more than sex. That if something happened and sex was taken off the table, Mike Shinoda would love him anyway. For him. 

Mike felt disoriented again when Chester bounced out of his arms and ran to the bathroom. It took him another minute to soothe Cheese. “Shhh, he’ll be right back,” he assured the puppy, even though a sinking feeling hit his stomach. He turned the conversation and events since he’d woken Chester over in his head, trying to examine what he could have done better. It was a helpless feeling, not really knowing what Chester was thinking. Mike looked around their small, neat apartment. He loved the space they shared, as dinky as it was compared to the loft, and the reason was because they shared it together. It didn’t matter where they lived. As long as Chester was with him, that was all Mike needed. He knew it was still hard for Chester to trust him completely, and the memory of asking his boyfriend to permanently move in with him hit. _He still thinks I’m going to leave. Mark isn’t real, but those thoughts are. He thinks I’m going to change my mind. I did so many things wrong. I’m sorry, Ches, I didn’t see how much worse I was making things. I didn’t._

Mike dropped his head, staring at Cheese’s tiny back. He wanted Chester to come back to the couch. He wanted to pull a blanket over them and watch a movie, or something. He wanted to fix the way Chester was feeling but he didn’t exactly know how. He just knew that being there, and letting Chester work through it in his head was important. 

Eventually Chester came back from the bathroom. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt better. He flopped back on the couch and cocked an eye at the clock. It was almost four in the morning. “I’m hungry,” he said, before he twisted his neck and gave Mike a cock-eyed expression. He still wasn’t feeling 100% from his dream or from what had transpired in New York with Ryan, but right now he was with Mike and Cheese, and there was something comforting in that. “We should eat something,” he decided, and for the first time in a really long time, he had no idea what they had. “Will you eat with me?” he asked, reaching over and cupping Mike’s forearm. “I’m tired, but I want to eat. Please?” he asked meekly. “Just something small and then we can try and go back to bed.” He looked down at Cheese, knowing that the longer they were up, the more she would need to go out. 

Mike was confused. “Of course I’ll eat with you. I can always eat.” He cocked his head to the side. “I haven’t been to the grocery store, there’s not much in there. You want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I can make you one,” he said hopefully. It had been a really long time since he’d had a midnight pb&j, and even though it wasn’t midnight, it was dark, and the gooey sandwich sounded good. His stomach even rumbled its approval. 

“God, yes. Please, Sexy Boy. Make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” He batted his eyes at his boyfriend before he held out his hands. “I’ll hold Cheese. And Milk,” he added suddenly with a thoughtful look. “I want a glass of milk, too, if we have some.” 

Cheese was handed off, and Chester watched as Mike got up from the couch. He watched for a second, grinning at the sight of a bare-chested Mike Shinoda in only his striped boxer shorts before he disappeared around the bar and into the kitchen. Chester rubbed Cheese, over her head and down her back. “I know you worry,” he said, watching as Mike moved around the kitchen, “but the gay bar sucked. It was so tight. And everyone was so fucking cheesy. I had two rum and cokes. I was drunk,” he added with a short laugh. “I told Ryan it’s because we don’t drink much hard liquor. I don’t know,” he added, his voice drifting down to something more thoughtful. “I think he’s drinking a lot these days.” 

Mike washed his hands before he opened the cabinet and got the bread and peanut butter. “Two would have done me in,” he agreed, keeping his voice light. He wanted Chester to be able to talk to him without judgement. It wouldn’t help anything for him to criticize the alcohol. He’d become more relaxed about it anyway, and really enjoyed an occasional glass of wine still. “I know you’ve been worrying about his drinking. Have you tried to talk to him about it?” He tore off two paper towels and laid out four slices of bread quickly. There was no need for plates at this hour. He smeared peanut butter on two pieces, and grape jelly on the other two before he slapped them together. “Did he drink a lot at the bar?” Mike licked the peanut butter off the knife before he put the jelly back in the fridge and grabbed the milk. 

Chester was half-laid out on the couch, Cheese, partially snuggled up next to his stomach, and partially playing with his fingers as he teased her. “I had two rum and cokes and was falling down. I’m pretty sure he had four!” he said, raising his voice to make sure his boyfriend heard him. “He kept putting his hands on me and I had to keep pushing him away. I love him, Mike, but I told him. I told him I’m with you and we can’t be like that anymore. I don’t understand why he suddenly felt like that stuff didn’t matter. I don’t know,” he mumbled, his eyes dead-staring at Cheese's tan and black fur as she settled down for a moment. “I miss him, but it feels weird when he gets so close. It didn’t used to be that way.” 

Mike was glad he was still in the kitchen as he sucked in a deep breath through his nose. The feeling of wanting to go confront Ryan was back. Thinking of Chester pushing Ryan’s hands away reminded him of Mark, and it infuriated him that Ryan wasn’t respecting the boundaries. _Drunk or not. That’s what I always said, why I didn’t like drinking at YRS. Everyone was like that. Touchy. It’s not right. And I don’t even know what to say about it not being weird before._ He filled a new glass with milk and returned the carton to the refrigerator. This time when he spoke his voice was tighter, and Mike could hear it. “Sounds like he was drunk, Ches. I mean, why else would he try to kiss you? How many times do you have to tell him no?” He stacked the paper towel wrapped sandwiches on top of each other and carried them to the couch in one hand, the milk in the other.

He set the glass on the coffee table and then handed Chester his sandwich. He felt a smile crack through as they made eye contact. “You gonna make space for me on the couch or should I sit on the floor?” he teased.

Chester smiled, but then he sat up, and Cheese moved with him. “You can sit with us,” he said quietly. He took the sandwich Mike handed him, his stomach almost hurting from hunger pangs. “He’s been good,” Chester assured his boyfriend as he took a first bite. The jelly was sweet, and the peanut butter was creamy around the white bread. It was perfect. “He hasn’t tried anything. I swear. All our nights together, and he’s kept his hands to himself….but while we were in New York, it’s like he forgot.” He took a second bite. “Fuck, Sexy Boy, this is good. Thank you.” He leaned forward, making sure Cheese didn’t get spooked, and picked up his glass of milk. It was cold, and very much a great equalizer to all the sweet jelly and peanut butter. 

Chester sat back, his head resting on the couch with his eyes closed. His partial sandwich was still in hand. “Mark was in the kitchen,” he admitted. “Our bed was there, too, in the kitchen. In the YRS kitchen. I couldn’t get off of it, and Mark was chopping up all this meat while he lectured me. I don’t know what that means. It felt so real.” 

As usual, Mike was already halfway through his sandwich and wishing he’d made himself another. He thought about the dream for a second, but it was hard to relate. He didn’t have nightmares. “Dreams don’t always make sense, you know? It doesn’t have to mean anything.” He took another bite and glanced at Cheese, who seemed to be content again. “Our bed is a safe place. Maybe your mind was trying to make a safe place in the middle of a bad dream.” 

“I don’t know,” Chester answered honestly before he yawned. He left his half-eaten sandwich on top of his paper towel on the coffee table before he pulled Cheese up against his chest and fell onto Mike’s shoulder. He yawned. “It’s hard to talk to Ry,” he mumbled before he yawned again. “I bring you up, just talking, not really talking about you directly, just talking about our days...and he doesn’t want to hear it. I don’t know what to say to him. I know he’s not happy. Not like us.” 

Chester’s eyes shut as he kissed Mike’s bare shoulder, and then laid down, his head landing on Mike’s naked leg. His ear was partially on boxer shorts, and partially on skin. Chester’s eyes were already closed as he held Cheese like a stuffed animal, the small dog on the couch cradled against his chest. “I missed being home. Leaving was fun until it happened. New York is crowded and it smells. Life is better here.” 

Mike’s free hand went right to the top of Chester’s head. He rubbed small circles over the curls and finished his sandwich, trying not to eye the rest of Chester’s sadly sitting on the coffee table. He would have reached for it, but it would have disrupted both Chester and Cheese. “I missed you, too. It’s all wrong when we’re apart.” He was finished talking about Ryan for now. Ryan’s unhappiness was at least partially his fault, and he wasn’t interested in visiting those feelings right now. Chester was calmer, and warm, and tired. Mike reached behind him and pulled the blanket from the back of the couch. Somehow he managed to arrange it over his bare chest without covering his boyfriend’s face, and he leaned his head back into the cushion and closed his eyes. The light from the kitchen was still on, but it wasn’t any worse than trying to sleep with the light coming over the half wall at the loft. “Think you can sleep? Or you want to talk more? You okay there with Cheese?” Mike was still rubbing his fingers over Chester’s hair, slowly.

“Mhm,” Chester mumbled. His arm was hooked around Mike’s leg, his eyes closed. He was already drifting into sleep. This time there was no Mark, no YRS mansion, no great life lessons. His mind faded to black - a hard, solid sleep brought on by pure emotional and physical exhaustion and the comfort of being surrounded by his loved ones - Mike and Cheese. He was warm, and felt safe, a feeling he wasn’t even aware of as he snuggled closer to Mike’s leg, his cheek rubbing against it. 

Mike didn’t return to sleep as quickly as Chester. His eyes were closed, but he was thinking as he continued to rub Chester’s head. It felt like Chester had been honest about how things had gone in New York, and Mike had managed to keep his cool, even though it upset him to think of how things had gone while he was so far away. _I bet that was part of it. Ryan got drunk and he knew I wasn’t anywhere to be found. The other guys, that shit doesn’t bother me. I know Ches is going to get hit on, he’s hot. And I know he’s not going to take anyone up on that. But Ryan. Ryan is different. There was a time they were inseparable. Together at YRS, and those crazy, mixed-up months at the loft._

Thoughts of Jason followed right behind, and Mike’s heart pinched at the thought of Jason. _Chester’s never said it, but I know he has to think about us together. His dreams feel so real. I can’t imagine what it’s like to see that. To think it’s real, that it’s happening. I wish I could explain how much I wish I could make all of that go away. Jason. God, what was I thinking? I was so fucking stupid_ , he growled at himself silently. _Now I’m as bad as Mark in the nightmares. Hurting him. I wish I could make every nightmare go away. I wish I could have them instead. I’d take them if I could. As penance for what I did._

Mike frowned, knowing that just wasn’t how it worked, and for the first time he wondered if maybe he should see a therapist, too. He didn’t have the nightmares, but he carried things in the background that affected him, and Chester, too. Talking to someone wasn’t at the top of his list of things that sounded pleasant, but the last thing Mike wanted to do was contribute to things that were hurting their relationship, or Chester directly. _I could try it out, I guess. Just get some things off my heart. Talk about Ches and Jason and YRS._ He felt the fringes of sleep coming before he thought about his parents, and what role that dysfunctional relationship was playing in his life now.

It was the last thought he had before he followed Chester into sleep. _My parents. Don’t know if I want to unpack all of that._ His hand stopped moving, and Mike fell into an uneasy sleep, his arm draped protectively over his boyfriend. 

****  
TBC


	14. Smashed

Chester wasn’t sure what time it was when Cheese began to whine. It started out with her moving around. She broke free of his arms, then nuzzled his skin with the occasional lick. Then she nipped at his fingers. Then it was a full-out cry. 

He cracked his eyes open to see the black and tan terrier practically crossing her legs. “You gotta pee?” he mumbled before his brain really started to wake up. He groaned as he sat up, his neck hurting. “Fuck me,” he whispered as he rubbed it, his other hand keeping Cheese on the couch. He shut his eyes as he tilted his head to the left and then the right. The apartment was lit up, which meant the sun was up and the new day had started without them. 

Chester turned and looked at Mike and smiled. His boyfriend was still sitting up, his head back, his mouth open as he slept. “Look at him,” Chester whispered to the dog. “He’s so funny.” He leaned over and plopped a kiss to Mike’s bare shoulder before he stood up, Cheese in his arms. “Uuuuugh,” he groaned as he did. Sleeping on the couch was never fun, and sleeping with his head on Mike’s leg for hours was worse. 

He rubbed his face with his free hand, waking up a little more before he headed for the bathroom, taking the puppy with him. “I have to pee first. Then I’ll slip my slides on and take you out. No accidents, okay?” he asked the terrier as they stepped into the bathroom and he set her on the tile. 

True to his word, he didn’t waste any time. He relieved himself quickly, washed his hands, and then grabbed his sandals from the floor of the closet. He looked down and cocked an eyebrow at how they looked against his black and gray striped socks. “They work,” he decided before he snatched Cheese’s harness and leash. He strapped the impatient puppy in before scooping her up again. He knew she liked to walk to the grass, but it would be faster if he carried her. “Mike,” he called as he opened the front door. “I’m taking Cheese out.” He glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned. “It’s after nine.” He only waited long enough to see movement from his boyfriend, and then he was gone, out the door with the dog. 

_After nine._ Mike tried to put those words with the urgency in Chester’s voice. He wasn’t comfortable, and it took him a few seconds to work out that he was on the couch. “Oohhh,” he groaned, his eyes opening a crack. “Fuck.” He lifted his head a little and looked toward the door, Chester’s words finally registering as last night came rushing back. They’d fallen asleep on the couch with the puppy after Chester’s nightmare. “Fuck,” he whispered again, lifting his hand to rub over his eyes.

It had only been a few hours since he’d shaken Chester awake, and the light of morning didn’t make the subject of their early morning conversation less distressing. Mike pulled his legs up on the couch and lay down, covering his eyes with his arm. _I don’t even know where to start. I don’t know what to say this morning. Who knows where Ryan is, or if he’d answer if Ches called. Do I really want Ches to call him?_ Mike frowned, thinking about the despair in Chester’s eyes only hours ago. _Fuck, he probably wouldn’t answer. It would just make it all worse._

He twisted onto his side and opened his eyes again, staring straight ahead without really seeing anything. He’d fallen asleep worrying over his own deep insecurities, thoughts of his parents, his inadequacies, and Jason. _And Mark. He’s the reason everything is so fucked up in Chester’s head. He’s always been the problem. I hate him. It feels wrong to hate a dead man so much, but I do. I do, I do._ Mike pulled the blanket up closer to his chest and sighed. He wished he could erase Mark from Chester’s mind, from his own mind. 

There was so much damage to be undone in their past. More than he even knew, and that was where Ryan was so important in Chester’s life. Mike knew that now. Mike knew that Ryan knew far more than he did, things Chester had suffered through before Jason dragged Mike into YRS. _He’s like Jay more than he thinks. They both went through a lot, and Ryan knows all about it. Ryan suffered there, too. Mark didn’t spare him. Maybe that’s what’s pushed Ryan over the edge now. If he’s drinking as much as Ches says he is… if he’s mixed up in that porn industry lifestyle… he can’t deal with all of it. We all tried to leave it in the past without confronting it, and look where that left us._

Mike sat up suddenly, pressing his palms over his temples. _He fucked with all of us. We’re all fucked up because of him. Chester thinks he’s worthless and he thinks I’m going to cheat again. I’ll never get him to understand what happened with me and Jay. I made a mistake, I knew it as soon as we slept together. I should have done a lot of things differently, but I didn’t and now I’ve got to try to figure out a way to get Ches to understand he’s more to me than sex, more than Mark tells him in these dreams. He’s always going to think his worth is in sex because that’s what Mark told him over and over. How will I ever get him to understand he’s so much more to me than that?_

He stood up to go get a glass of water, to try to calm down his racing thoughts. The idea that therapy might be good for him too came back, and Mike pushed a hand through his hair. _I wouldn’t even know where to start with someone. Where would I start? Don’t they take you all the way back to your childhood? Isn’t that where all of this bullshit comes from? It’s always Daddy issues, right? I don’t want to talk about my dad!_

Mike grabbed the water from the kitchen and came back into the living room. It felt like he’d been alone with his thoughts for a while. He went over to the window with the intent to look out and see if he could spy Chester and Cheese, but he stopped a few steps away. On the end table next to the couch was the blue and gray swirled glass ball, the decoration Chester had brought over at some point and placed there. It was a reminder of their days in the loft, and despite knowing that Mark had given it to his boyfriend, Mike had allowed it to stay. However, on this morning, it touched a nerve. 

Mike put his glass down and picked up the ball, cursing Mark in his head as he felt the feather light weight of the gift. He could tell it had been expensive, and he turned it, looking for a watermark, something to identify the maker. Something else caught his eye, though, and he pulled it in closer to inspect the smokey swirls. 

He felt his jaw drop open as he turned the ball in his hands, wondering how he’d never noticed before. _There’s... people... all in the design. Men._ There were very clearly men having sex, in every position imaginable, disguised in the swirly pattern. Shock and disgust rippled through him as he inspected the ball, wondering how on Earth someone had created such a thing. It was obviously handmade, and the swift thought that Mark might have had it made especially for Chester made him feel sick. What was once a pretty piece of artwork in their home felt ugly, a dirty reminder of Mark and how thoroughly fucked up everything and everyone was that surrounded him.

Mike had seen enough. His blood was boiling as memories came rapidly. Walking into their room and seeing Chester on his knees. Mark’s hand on Chester’s neck as he lay on the living room floor in Seattle. Mark touching his naked skin on set after he’d handcuffed Chester and hurt him. Mark touching himself as he forced Jason to suck him off. “Fuck you!” he yelled at Mark, and without thinking he threw the glass ball against the wall. It shattered into pieces in the kitchen, shards of glass hitting the tile with delicate, twinkling sounds instead of the dark, angry explosion he’d wanted.

Outside, Chester wasn’t in any hurry. The sun was out, but it wasn’t hot yet. There was a light breeze, and Chester sucked it in as he stood with Cheese. The terrier had already done her business, and now she was having fun, rolling in the grass and chasing the occasional bug or fly or whatever came her way. 

The night and the visions it had brought was still heavy on Chester’s heart, even though he was trying not to dwell on it. He knew that later he would write about it in his journal, and he would tell his therapist about it when he saw her in a few days, but right now he didn’t want to revisit it. He wanted to soak up the fresh air and sunshine instead. He would make breakfast for him and Mike and then he’d make a grocery list so they could go to the store. It was a new day, and Chester wanted it to be a good one. He’d missed his lover over the last few days they’d been apart, and it was time to make up for that. 

He looked down at Cheese. “You ready?” he asked as he smiled at the way she flipped over and looked up at him, her triangle ears perked. “Come on, Cheesy Girl. Let’s go back up so we can eat some breakfast.” 

It didn’t take much encouragement. The puppy followed along the moment Chester started to walk and the leash pulled on her harness. She trotted quickly to try and keep up, only stopping twice to smell around before they got to the stairs. Chester picked her up and bounded up the steps. He felt good. Rested, despite the nightmare and how he and Mike had fallen asleep afterwards. His stomach rumbled a little as his mind worked forward to what he could make for them to eat. 

He set Cheese down when they got to the door. He crouched down to undo her harness and leash before he opened the door and she ran in. Chester was fully expecting to see Mike still passed out on the couch, and his eyes narrowed when he didn’t. 

“No, Cheese!” Mike called out, sticking his arm out to stop the dog from coming into the kitchen. “Ches, pick her up! There’s glass all over the floor!”

Chester rushed across the small space and plucked the dog up into his arms. “What happened?” he asked as he tried to identify the delicate looking shards that were everywhere, like whatever it was had exploded, not simply broken. 

All of the anger Mike had been holding seemed to just dissipate at once. He couldn’t even look up at Chester. “I broke your gift from Mark. I’m sorry,” he added, though it came out almost choked sounding. He had a dustpan in his hand and the small brush they used to clean dropped food from around Cheese’s bowl in the other. He’d stopped sweeping up the bits when he blocked Cheese from coming into the kitchen, and now he started again, scooping together the bigger pieces. 

Chester twisted around to look into the living room. The hook pedestal where the ball normally lived was still on the end table by the couch. It didn’t make any sense that the glass sphere would end up in a million pieces in the kitchen. “What was it doing in here?” he asked, turning back to Mike. 

Mike stopped sweeping and closed his eyes for a second. He knew it would be best to just come out with the truth, but it was so hard to admit he’d just lost his temper. “It wasn’t an accident. I threw it. I was upset about your dream, and I woke up thinking about how if it wasn’t for Mark, everything would be fine. You and I would be fine, and we wouldn’t have all this _shit_ to work through. All this tiring _bullshit_ that’s all because of him. I was thinking about that and I saw this,” he motioned to the remains of the glass ball as he stood up to face Chester, “and it just infuriated me, Ches. How you could keep something like _that_ from _him_ , right here in our house!” 

Chester took an immediate step back. He was already shaking at the sound in Mike’s voice. He kept Cheese pressed to his chest as he dropped his gaze to the floor for a second, looking over the tiny pieces of glass and color. “It was a Christmas gift,” he whispered before he looked up at his boyfriend, who was staring at him like he’d done something wrong. He knew Mike hated Mark with the intensity of a thousand suns, but that hadn’t even entered Chester’s mind when he’d unpacked a box at Amir’s and pulled the art piece out. He’d brought it to the apartment as a decoration, that was all. He could feel his heart pounding. “It was mine and I brought it over here with other stuff. It was at the loft. Why wouldn’t it be okay here? I get that you’re upset. Last night sucked for me, too, but you didn’t have to break it.”

Mike pressed his lips together and breathed in. He knew breaking the ball was childish, and he knew it hurt Chester’s feelings. “I’m sorry I broke something that belongs to you,” he started, trying his hardest to stay calm. “It wasn’t a rational decision. I’d never looked at it all that closely, Ches. There were naked men all over it, naked men having sex! What kind of gift is that? From someone who’s supposed to be your boss? Could you imagine Forrest giving you something like that?” 

“I know what was on it,” Chester admitted. “It was mine. He gave it to me.” He spun around and headed away from the kitchen. He took a handful of steps, just to put space between the two of them as Cheese trembled in his arms. “Shhhh,” he soothed the dog, but it was half-hearted. The idea that Mike would try and put Mark and Forrest into the same category was upsetting on a level Chester couldn’t put words to, but he had to say something. 

He turned back around and marched to the bar, looking into the kitchen. “I know you hate Mark. I know you do, and I know you have reasons for that, Mike. But I don’t, okay? I don’t. I’m not trying to defend him, I’m just saying I don’t have this anger you do. He did a lot of bad things and he’s dead now. He’s dead and I’m still coping with that.” Their eye contact broke as Chester looked down at the counter, the familiar place they ate so many of their meals. “And I’m sorry my bullshit is tiring to you. I’m trying to work on it.” 

“I didn’t say it was _your_ bullshit. It’s _our_ bullshit,” Mike snapped back. “I would do absolutely anything to get that man out of your head, Chester. Anything. I want him out of mine, too. I don’t want to think about all of the awful things he did to us, but I don’t get a choice. I don’t get to snap my fingers and make him go away.” He looked away, back at the broken glass at his feet. “I really am sorry that I broke it, but only because it’s yours. Not because he gave it to you, or for what it means. He saw you as an object, and I hate that you think of yourself that way sometimes. Just like that dream last night. You think it because he said it. So fuck him. I’m glad he's dead.” Mike was pretty certain that last part was one bit too far, but he wasn’t sorry about that. The only thing he was sorry about was that Mark wasn’t around to suffer the way he’d caused them all to suffer.

Chester was stunned for a minute. Hearing Mike say he was glad someone was dead was hard to handle, hard to process. “I’m going to take Cheese to the bedroom while you clean that up,” he said, keeping his voice under control before he turned to leave. He could already feel his insides racing, and his thoughts weren’t far behind. 

He stepped into the bedroom and closed the door. He plopped Cheese on the bed before he crawled on and collapsed. He clawed his way to the top, to reach his pillow before the first tear slipped down his cheek. He rolled onto his side, his arms wrapped around himself as Cheese nosed around, trying to get his attention. _I’m not glad he’s dead. I didn’t want him to die. We were leaving. Way too late, but we were doing it._

He squeezed his eyes tight as memories flashed across his mind, memories he didn’t like to think about. The day he and Mike had decided to escape YRS. The two of them being confronted by Mark at the top of the stairs. The harsh words that had been said. The smack that had hit Chester’s face so hard he’d fallen to the ground. Jason stepping between them, and then the sound of Mark’s voice as he fell down that long staircase to his death. 

Chester shook. He rolled himself into a tighter ball as he willed those memories to go away. He didn’t want to think about it, and the part he’d played in all those pieces coming together, only to end in Mark’s untimely passing. 

Cheese licked his hand, and Chester opened his eyes. The puppy was staring at him, her head cocked to the right like she was trying to figure out what was wrong. Chester rubbed over the top of her head with one finger. _I kept the ball because he gave it to me. It was neat looking. Perverted, but neat looking. He knew me. He knew I’d like it. He told me I was special when he gave it to me._

Chester shut his eyes as new memories floated to the surface. The cold winter morning, the weekend before Christmas, when Mark had come into his room at the YRS mansion and presented him with the elegantly wrapped gift. They’d sat on the bed together while Chester unwrapped it and marveled at the artistry that had gone into the X-rated glass sphere. Mark had beamed at him. Words of praise had followed, along with Mark’s hands that didn’t ask permission to go all over Chester’s body, the way they always did. Greedy. Possessive. Commanding. 

Chester turned his face into the pillow. Maybe it was a good thing the ball was gone. He resisted the need to say something to Mark in that moment. For a few seconds, the desire was there. To tell Mark he was sorry the gift was destroyed, and then beg his deceased boss to leave him alone. 

But Chester stopped himself. He didn’t want to bring Mark into the present by holding a conversation with him, even if it was in his head. _He’s in my journal. He’s in my dreams. I’m not fucking talking to him in our bedroom._ It was a harsh line to draw with himself, but it felt needed. _Mike’s right. I shouldn’t have kept the ball. He asked me about it. Now and again, Mark would ask me about it, like he was making sure I still had it._

It was a slow connection through Chester’s mind, the layers of manipulation from his late boss and how deep they’d gone. The smokey sphere had lived at the loft clear up until the day Chester had packed his stuff and left. _I wonder if Jay ever saw it? Did he know what it was? That it was from Mark? There was nothing like it at the house in the hills._

He wasn’t sure why his thoughts turned to Jason, but they did as he opened his eyes and teased a finger over Cheese’s nipping teeth. It was a sinking feeling to put it together, that the Christmas gift he had always been fond of, was maybe less of a nice gesture and more of a weapon. A way for Mark to get Chester more on his side, and a way for him to remind Jason that there were no limits. Mark took what he wanted, when he wanted. Who he wanted.

Back in the kitchen Mike closed his eyes to avoid watching Chester walk away, though he knew they needed a minute to regroup. He pushed away the thought he had that Mark was still getting his way, still trying to drive a wedge between him and Chester. _I’ll clean this up and go in there. We both need a minute._ He knelt back down and swept the sparkling bits into a pile. It was pretty, the pile of destruction, and he realized how ironic it was to think of the offending gift in that light. 

He swept it all into the dustpan and threw it away, then got the small handheld vacuum to make sure he got every shard that was left. The last thing he wanted was for Cheese to end up with glass in her paws, all because he couldn’t control himself. Once he felt sure that he’d gotten in all, Mike washed his hands and went to the bedroom door. It was strange to see it closed, and he couldn’t think of a single time since he’d lived in the apartment that the bedroom door had been closed between them. _I need to have better control of myself. Breaking things in anger isn’t okay. I’m sorry for that, but I’m not sorry that it’s gone. Mark has no place here, with us. Ches has to understand that._

Mike knocked softly. “Ches? Can I come in?” 

Chester lifted his head and looked towards the door. Mike’s voice was soft, no trace of the anger he’d held in the kitchen left in it. Chester rolled onto his back, one hand on his stomach, the other still keeping Cheese at bay at his side, as she attacked and fell over and got back up to do it all again. “What’s the secret password?” Chester shouted, even as he sucked his piercing in a second later. He was pretty sure it was way too early to be joking, but it had popped out of his mouth anyway.

 _Password?_ Mike frowned instantly, Chester’s response having not been what he expected. The only word that came to mind was _cheeseburger_ , and though he knew that was the name of their puppy, it also meant so much more. Discovering they were each other’s cheeseburgers was a conversation he would never forget, and nothing else made any sense in his head. “Cheeseburger,” Mike called hopefully, his hand on the doorknob.

Chester smiled. He hadn’t really had any word in mind, but Mike’s response was perfect. “Damn, you’re good!” he called with a laugh. “You can come in!” He waited until the door opened, and he saw Mike poke his head in, like he wasn’t sure he was allowed. Chester reached his arm out, scooping his fingers through the air. “Come on,” he called again. “I’m just laying here while Cheese abuses me.” He glanced down at the puppy, who was up and at the end of the bed, watching Mike closely, her tail wagging. He wanted his boyfriend to come to him so they could talk in the open way they’d been working on over the last six months. He was hoping Mike was thinking the same thing. 

It was a relief that the snippy feelings and anger simmering between them a few minutes ago seemed to be gone, and Mike stepped over to the bed, sitting down next to Chester’s outstretched body. He slid his hand over Chester’s stomach and smiled when Cheese attacked them both. “I’ve cleaned it up so she won’t get hurt,” he said, bopping Cheese’s nose gently. “I know I shouldn't have thrown something, broken something that belongs to you. No matter where it came from. I get so frustrated sometimes, Ches. I go to these places in my head where I just wish I could go back, all the way back to when you first told me about YRS. I wish I hadn’t been so scared, so afraid of losing you, that I didn’t try harder to get you away from there. I mean it when I say it’s _our_ bullshit to deal with. It’s not just you, it’s me and you. We both made all kinds of decisions that have led us here. I don’t want you to think I blame you, babe.” He teased back and forth with Cheese over Chester’s stomach while he explained himself, much calmer and hopefully clearer than before.

“I wish I could have left when you asked me to, way back then,” Chester said, his voice light. His insides still felt frazzled, but Mike was calm, and that was helping. “You throwing something and breaking it because you’re angry is kinda scary,” he admitted softly. He didn’t want to make Mike feel bad, but he wanted to be honest. Not being honest with each other had never done them any favors. Ever. He moved his hand to slowly cover it over Mike’s fingers, blocking Cheese’s attack for a moment. “I shouldn’t have kept the present. I’m fucked up, Mike. I know that’s not news to you, but I want you to know that I know. I’m trying to be better. I really am. Mark gave me that present and told me not to tell anyone. That the other boys would be jealous. God, it sounds so creepy when I say it now. At the time, I really thought the world of it.” 

Chester turned his head away, looking at the wall instead of his lover, but only for a second. He couldn't hide from the conversation, and he knew it. He let go of Mike’s hand and sat himself up, his back resting against the pillows. He stared down at Mike’s hairy legs, his boyfriend still in nothing but his striped boxer shorts from the night before. “I know he was a bad guy. He hurt me. He hurt Jay. He hurt all of us. But I loved him.” 

He looked up, hoping he would see some sort of understanding in Mike’s dark eyes. “It was never love like how I love you. But he was part of my life, and for better or worse, he helped me through a lot. I know he did for Jay, too.” He wasn’t sure why he was bringing up Jason’s name, but the destruction of the perverted Christmas gift had drawn a new line in Chester’s mind, connecting more dots together. “I saw him hit Jason. Before he ever hit me, I saw him hit Jay.” Chester shook his head as the memory came back. “We were at the house, upstairs in the hallway. I wasn’t supposed to be there. I was supposed to be downstairs with everyone else, but I had to go up for something. I don’t even remember what it was. But I stepped into the hallway just in time to see Mark’s hand fly...and Jason cowered back while Mark barked at him, telling him it was his fault. I’d never seen anything like that in person. I ran downstairs and told Ryan. I knew he was close with Jay, and part of me actually thought he would go and say something to Mark. But do you know what he said?” 

Chester stopped just long enough to watch as Mike shook his head no. 

“He told me he knew. That it wasn’t the first time and that Jason didn’t want him - or anyone - involved. That it was private. He told me I couldn’t tell, that I shouldn’t even talk about it. So I didn’t.” Chester wiped his hand across the corner of his eye before he looked Mike in the face. “It wasn’t long after that when Mark hit me for the first time and I knew...Mike, I knew there was nothing I could do about it. No one was coming to stop him. When he was nice, he was really nice. It was like you got to stand in the sunshine for a little while when Mark was having a good day and you fell into his favor. But when he wasn’t, he’d throw things. Break things. He’d yell and he’d hit us. I can’t go through that anymore. I can’t,” Chester stated before he reached for Mike’s hand. “You’re not going to be like that, are you?” 

Mike had been perfectly still, barely breathing, while Chester spilled his thoughts. He would never, _never_ hit Chester. He’d stood between Chester and Mark before, and part of him was wounded at the idea that his boyfriend could think he’d ever strike him in anger. He held onto Chester’s hand as he shook his head, the corners of his eyes pricking with tears. “Throwing that glass, it was like getting to fight back at Mark for everything he’s done to us. Me and you, and Jason, too, I guess. But I’d never hit you, Ches, how could you think that?” He looked down at their wiggly puppy, his heart heavy. It seemed like he kept making mistakes that kept him from being a better man, the kind of man Chester deserved to have. _One who can control his emotions better than I can._

“I don’t want to think it,” Chester said as he squeezed Mike’s hand to get him to look up so they could see each other. “I’ve seen a lot of awful things...but I’ve never seen you break something like that, out of anger. I told you I was fucked up. I’m sorry.” Chester dropped his head this time, hating himself for even posing the question. So many months ago when Mike had come and crawled into his bed at Amir’s and they’d made love, Mike had told him then that he’d never meant to hurt him. It was a fact Chester believed then, and still believed now, even as he asked hard questions that pinched both their hearts. It was scary to think that maybe he’d just said something he could never take back. 

“We’re both a little fucked up, you know?” Mike looked up, and the look in Chester’s eyes broke him. He felt a tear slip down his cheek. “All I wanted when I went to YRS was to protect you. I let _him_ into our bedroom, so stupidly thinking I was protecting you. He was a master of people, Chester. Of getting what he wanted, sometimes without me or you even realizing it. I did my best, but I didn’t know what I was up against. You shielded me from the worst of it, and I really didn’t understand how bad it was until Jay’s birthday, and what happened after… I tried to keep Mark away from you. I’ll never understand how either of you could love him. I saw him hit you. I _watched_ it happen and I couldn’t do anything. Just like you said, like Ryan said with Jay. It was survival, just trying to stay on his good side. Everything got so fucked up, and things between us…” 

He wiped his eyes with his free hand. “I told you I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t. And I would never, never hurt you on purpose now. I love you. I’m lucky you can even stand to be in the same room with me. I’m sorry I threw it, and broke it. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m sorry that I can’t take any of it back. I’m so sorry for that.” 

Mike dropped his head again. It wasn’t the first time he’d raised his voice and upset his boyfriend. The long ago moment in the piano room, when it was revealed Jason had taken their private moments and put them on the YRS site and Mike completely lost his temper, had resulted in the same sort of trauma. It had never clicked for Mike until now. He’d raised his voice then, the same way Mark raised his voice, and that was all it took for Chester to go into self-preservation mode. Even if Chester had been outside when he threw the glass ball, the intent was the same. He was a man who couldn't be trusted to control his temper, and that was scary to his boyfriend. If Mike wanted Chester to be better, he couldn’t repeat Mark’s mistakes. He couldn’t be anything like him, in words or action. “God, I’m sorry Chester,” he said again, and there was nothing else he could say. He could repeat it until the day he died and no apology would be enough for any type of violence, verbal or physical. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Chester said as he reached for Mike to pull him closer. “We can be fucked up together. Maybe one day we can be better together.” He felt Mike’s weight lean against him, and Chester kissed the side of his head. “I can’t take any of it back, either. I wish I could. He _was_ a master of people. He still is. He’s not even fucking here anymore and he still knows exactly what to say to get to me. I know it’s not fair to you.” Chester shut his eyes as he held Mike against him. Cheese had calmed down a little, her playful nips and scuffles gone as she watched them hug. “I shouldn’t put what he did onto you. Things have been so much better, haven’t they? They feel like they’ve been better between us, and I don’t want to fuck that up.” 

Mike nodded, his face next to Chester’s. “I think so. We’ve been talking more and it feels like we’ve settled into a routine together. It feels like we’re doing okay. I just worry sometimes about the other stuff, the hidden away stuff. We shouldn’t hide things away. All that awful stuff, it happened, and it happened to us. We have to work through it together, I want to. I want to be the person you confide in, like last night. I know it’s not easy to talk to me about Ryan because of how I’ve reacted in the past, but I’m trying so hard, babe. I want to be your best friend.” He wiped his face again and then kissed the side of Chester’s. “I want you to be able to tell me anything.” 

Silence settled in between them, and Chester let it happen as they sat huddled together. Even Cheese was laying down now, snuggled between their legs towards the bottom of the bed. Therapy had taught Chester a lot of things, one of which was that constant conversation wasn’t needed. It was okay to just sit, especially when things got heavy. The simple act of physically being next to each other counted for a lot more than people gave it credit for. 

Chester shut his eyes, listening to the clock on the wall and Mike’s breathing. Slowly he let go of his tight hold on his boyfriend to slide his fingers up and down Mike’s arm, and then his stomach. Gentle touches of comfort. “I’m working on telling you everything. And I like our routine. It’s good for me. Good for us, too, I think. It’s stability.” He twisted his head and smooched the side of Mike’s face with a smile. “You’re my best friend, too. Look,” he said raising his arm and jiggling his wrist, showing off his rose gold I.D. bracelet. “I’ve always got your name on me.” 

Mike stretched out his arm to show his bracelet, too. The bracelet he never took off, even though it was usually tucked under the sleeves of his flannel, invisible to the world. _One day it won’t be invisible. One day everyone will know we belong to each other because it will be more than bracelets._ He reached over and took Chester’s hand, rubbing his thumb over Chester’s ring finger. “Always. Forever. Whatever word you want to use, it’s me and you.” He leaned over and left a lingering kiss to Chester’s lips. He knew working through nightmares, working through YRS issues, those things were going to happen. But things felt better between them for the moment, and Mike was ready to leave it alone for now. “What do you think about taking Cheese down to the beach this morning? You can get a run in. I’ll stay with her while you run, and just enjoy the sun. Getting outside before I have to study would really feel great.” 

Chester gasped as he pulled away to see his boyfriend’s face better. “Yes. Oh, that’s a fucking brilliant idea. After four long freezing days in New York, I’d love to go for a run on the beach. And then we can stop at the store on the way back and pick up groceries. I’ll make you some studying snacks,” he said as he beamed at his lover. “Annnnd I’ll make some for you, too,” he told the dog as he leaned down and tickled his fingers over her back. She was up the second Chester paid her attention, making her way up the bed to be right between them. “I bet we could take Cheese into the store, as long as we hold her. I’ve got a recipe on my phone for homemade doggie treats.” He turned his gaze back to Mike, their hands still loosely tangled together. “I like it when our talks end this way. I feel better,” he admitted. “Even though it’s hard, I feel better.” 

Mike smiled. “Me too. Now, let’s get what Cheese needs and get out of here.” He was ready to bounce out of the bed and move past the morning, but Chester’s phone rang about the time he was going to pull his boyfriend up to join him. Looking down, Mike could see it was Ryan. “Oh. You should answer that.” He sat back down with Cheese, ready to be supportive.

Chester sat up and reached for his phone. He answered it quickly. “Hey, Ry, one minute, okay?” He looked over at Mike and whispered, “I’m going to step outside for a few minutes to talk. Then we’ll go to the beach.” He smiled at his boyfriend, and gave Cheese a quick rub under her tiny chin, and then he was up, leaving the bedroom.

Mike sat on the bed, staring at the open door, telling himself that it was okay that Chester wanted a little privacy. The apartment was so small, and Mike didn’t need to hear every word that was spoken between him and Ryan. “He could have stayed in here and we could have gone in the living room,” he mumbled to Cheese, who had rolled over on her back and was pawing at his hand playfully. “I hope he doesn’t take long. You and this puppy energy need to go to the beach.” 

Chester held his phone to his chest as he stepped out the front door. The instant hit of sunlight and fresh air made him smile. He sucked it in before he put his phone to his ear. “Sorry, Ry. I can talk now.” He glanced down the open corridor, but no one was in sight, and Chester headed for the stairs to have a seat while he was on the phone.

“Is everything okay?” Ryan asked. 

“Yeah, it’s fine. I just stepped outside to have some privacy,” Chester assured him as he sank down onto the top step. He could see out over the campus, buildings and green space. There were students out in those places, but they were far away and looked like dots. 

“I won’t take too much of your time,” Ryan said after a long sigh. “Chaz, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I was being an ass when we came home...on the plane and, well, the whole damn time.” 

“You were,” Chester said, his voice small but sure. “Are you mad at me?” 

“No,” Ryan answered immediately. “I’m not mad. Mad at myself, mostly, but not mad at you.” Another sigh hit. “Things are different between us, Chaz, and it got to me. I think.” 

Down the corridor, Dan Mayo was headed for the stairs. He was starving, and ready to run through the campus cafeteria. The new line cook was odd looking, with his afro and weird way of talking about things like visions and the future, but he also made great breakfast burritos, and Dan wanted two before he headed for the library for a few hours.

He shoved his thick black-rimmed glasses up on his nose, just as he noticed someone sitting at the top of the stairs. His steps slowed, the person’s voice coming into range. It only took a few seconds to recognize Mike Shinoda’s model boyfriend, with his chocolate brown curls, and the flash of the flame tattoos on his wrist as he scratched his head. _What do we have here? It’s Mr. Bennington. Why is he out here on his phone?_

It was intriguing. Dan was at a dead stop, straining to hear. He had to smile at Chester’s pleasant voice. _It’s serious. Whoever he’s talking to, it’s important. Maybe it’s work or something._

He took a few steps closer, and passed Mike’s apartment door in the process. For a moment he thought maybe Chester was locked out, that the piano student was running late or not home unexpectedly. _Naw. That’s not it. He doesn’t sound upset._

He took a couple steps closer. He was only a few feet from the staircase, Chester’s voice loud and clear. Dan couldn’t move. He felt his heart beating, and the sound of his breathing as he listened to Chester, who was very much alone. There was no Mike Shinoda anywhere to be seen.

“Things are going to be alright, Ry. You know how much I love you,” Chester said just as he felt like he was being watched. It was an instinct, an old sixth sense he’d picked up from working for so long at YRS, where someone was always watching. He twisted. His eyes narrowed as he spotted someone standing just a few feet from where he was sitting. He pulled his phone away from his ear, holding it to his chest. “You need something, man?” 

“Uh, um,” Dan stuttered out as he looked both ways up and down the corridor. “No,” he finally said, clearing his throat. “I just need to get by.” He pointed to the stairs as he headed that way, easily passing by Chester. He didn’t miss the chance to give him a once over as he did. It was a little exciting to see the model up close. He looked exactly like the ads Dan had Googled on his phone. “See ya’ around,” he mentioned over his shoulder, stealing another look. Even though they didn’t know each other, Chester’s brown eyes were bright as he politely said, ‘okay’, like they were more than complete strangers. His outfit was simple - black joggers and a gray shirt - but it all fit him well. Dan didn’t miss the gray and black striped socks Chester had on with the black slides. It was quirky and kinda cute, and Dan had his cell phone out to text Matt before he’d even made it to the bottom of the steps.

 **Dan:** _Just overheard Mike’s model boyfriend telling some other guy he loves him. I do have to say, he looks just like his pics. I still can’t believe he’s dating Shinoda._

Matt was just shaking off sleep when his phone chimed with a text. He rolled over and sat up, grabbing the phone and cursing at the time. He needed to get up and grade some papers so he could get his own work done in the afternoon. He’d spent too much time in bed, but he read Dan’s text, he let himself lay back on his pillow for a moment.

 **Matt:** _Another guy? I knew it. Mike’s just a boy toy. I bet Chester’s got another man at home._

Dan read the text just as quickly as he headed across campus. He and Matt were on the same page.

 **Dan:** _That explains why he lives in Echo Park and Mike doesn’t. This other guy must live there. Chester’s juggling._

 **Matt:** _That’s gonna be my in, Mike can’t know about that. I’ll have to tell him easy. Be a shoulder to cry on._

He could picture it now. The shock and sadness on Mike’s pretty face, and how he’d be the rock Mike needed. Matt smiled at the thought. 

**Dan:** _I agree. No way Mike knows about it. Why else would Chester be on his phone outside? Only people keeping secrets do shit like that. And Mike’s always saying how in love they are. Guess he’s got another thing coming. You might get more than a kiss out of this._

**Matt:** _Get ready to pay up.Get ready to pay up, buddy._

Chester watched him go, and waited till the guy was out of earshot before he went back to Ryan. “Sorry about that. Some creepy guy was hanging around.” 

“Creepy guy?” 

“Yeah. He looks like a student. He’s got that vibe of desperation they all seem to have. There are always people crawling around this place.” Chester looked around again reflexively. Other than a few people milling around down on the sidewalk going in and out of apartments or going to and from the parking lot, he was alone. He hoped. “Anyway. I’m glad you called. I know we just got back from New York, but, you know Amir’s been wanting us all to get together and play poker. We were thinking next weekend. Sounds fun, right?” Chester held his breath as he stared out over the college campus. He’d brought up poker at Amir’s before, trying to get his friend to show up to the secret intervention, but Ryan hadn’t taken the bait yet. _Come on, Ry. Especially after what just happened in New York, you gotta get some help. Or just get away from Rob._

It was a swift memory of Ryan admitting that there was nothing serious between him and the former poolboy, and Chester’s heart sank a little. He knew his friend well, and he knew Ryan Shuck wasn’t happy playing the occasional lay to someone who had no interest in him. That was a life he’d left far behind years ago. 

“Eh, I don’t know, Chaz.” 

“Oh come on. Cards, Ry. We’ll wipe the floor with Noah and Amir and whoever,” he said, trying not to get too specific so it wouldn’t look like a lie later on. He wasn’t completely sure who would be showing up on the night in question.

“I guess it has been awhile since I’ve seen Amir. And I always love beating your ass at poker.” 

“As if,” Chester scoffed. “I’ll kick your ass and look cute doing it.” 

Ryan laughed, the sound compounding the grin on Chester’s face as he heard his friend finally agree to go. 

“Fuck yeah,” Chester cheered as he stood up. “I’ll double check with Amir and let you know the details. I’m bringing snacks,” he decided in the moment. Even though the real reason to get together was going to be and try to talk to Ryan about his current lifestyle choices, that didn’t mean there couldn’t be good food there. 

“If I get a say in the snacks, I want some of those turkey and cheese wrappy things you make. With the tangy sauce in them.” 

“The pinwheels?” Chester asked as he stood up, his ass hurting from the unforgiving concrete steps. “I can do that. Pinwheels and cookies.” 

“Chocolate chips. No. The other ones. With the M&Ms in them,” Ryan requested. 

“You got it.” It was an easy yes for Chester, and he was practically bouncing as he headed back towards the apartment. “Okay, I gotta go. We’re taking Cheese down to the beach and then going to the store. I’ll see you in a few days at work.” 

“You bet. I’ll be there,” Ryan answered, his voice easy before he said, “Have fun with _Mike_.” 

Chester stopped. He wasn’t sure if Ryan had meant to sound so sour as he said Mike’s name, but Chester had felt it. “Yeah. Thanks,” he whispered before he heard Ryan say a quick goodbye and then the call was over. Chester stared at his phone for a second, before it faded to black. Their whole conversation had been good - full of reassurances and making plans. Clear up until Mike’s name had been mentioned. 

_There’s nothing I can do about that. Mike’s my boyfriend. He’s not going anywhere and neither am I. Ry’s gonna have to accept that. Eventually. That or...we just won’t be friends anymore. It will be like now but worse. We’ll talk like once a year._

It was a depressing train of thought, and Chester quickly shoved that away. It didn’t do any good to think like that. Instead he decided that maybe they all just needed more time. _I’m still learning to trust Mike again, and Ry’s learning our new boundaries and hopefully he can forgive Mike one day, too._ He let out a long breath and pocketed his phone before he opened the door. He had to put together a quick shopping list, and then it would be time for a run under the sun on the beach. _Maybe me and Sexy Boy can build a sandcastle for Cheese._ He could already imagine Cheese playing in the sand, maybe daring to touch the water. It was going to be a great day. 

****  
TBC


	15. Echo Park Poker

Chester pulled the pan of M&M cookies from the oven. They smelled heavenly. Twelve beauties with yellow, blue, and orange candy pieces, along with a few extra chocolate chips added in, which had been a request from his boyfriend. Chester grabbed his spatula to pull them off the hot pan and get them onto the cooling rack. He glanced at his watch in the process. They really needed to get going if they were going to make it over to Amir’s a little early, before everyone else showed up for the poker game that was meant to double as an opportunity for them to have a serious discussion with Ryan. “Mike!” he hollered over his shoulder as he worked. “Did you get all of Cheese’s things packed?” 

“Yeah!” Mike yelled back from in the bedroom. The dog bag, which had giant wedges of cheese printed all over it, was stuffed full of everything their little terrier might need for an evening away from the apartment. Mike had managed to get treats, food, her bowls, toys, and even her pink zebra striped bed inside the bag. Cheese was sniffing the corner of the bedroom where her bed usually stayed, and Mike decided if dogs could look concerned, that was the expression on Cheese’s face. “Stop worrying,” he said to the dog. “You’re coming _with_ us. That’s why I packed up all your stuff.” 

He slung the bag over his shoulder and walked toward the kitchen with Cheese following behind. “How close are you? You want me to go ahead and take her stuff down to the car so I can help you with all that food when we leave?” He couldn’t see the crackers and cheese spread he was excited about, but he knew Chester had it ready to go, somewhere. 

Chester turned around. “Yeah. I think we’ll need both hands for all this.” He glanced over the snacks they’d be hauling to Amir’s, and he smiled. It was a lot of work, but he knew everyone showing up would be grateful. The pinwheels and the cheese spread were in the refrigerator, and the cookies still needed to cool a few minutes before he could transfer them into a travel container. But other than that, everything was done. “If you take that down, I think we’re ready. The cookies need a few minutes to cool anyway. And I need to pee before we go.”

“You always need to pee,” Mike teased. He dropped the dog bag for a moment to hook Cheese’s harness around her body. “She probably does, too. I’ll take her out on the way.” He picked up the end of the leash and then the bag and stepped over Cheese, who was now excited to go out. “We’ll be back in a minute.”

Chester was already headed out of the kitchen. He stopped long enough to plop a kiss to Mike’s cheek before he made his way to the bathroom. He flipped on the light and stepped in front of the vanity rather than the toilet. He pressed his hands down hard onto the cheap countertop as he stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes looked bright, his hair in order. It had been over a week since he’d had the nightmare about Mark. He’d wrestled with it in his journal, and again in his last therapy session, but the memory was fading to the background as life continued. 

_I saw Ryan yesterday at work. He looked okay. Still not like he used to, but he seemed alright. We talked. We laughed. He apologized again. I think we’re okay. I hate that this intervention is happening so soon after what happened in New York, but it’s important. I just want him to be happy and he’s not. He’s hurting himself. Amir will see it tonight. He said he hasn’t actually seen Ryan in awhile. He’ll know right away what I’m talking about the moment he sees Ry._

Chester let out a long breath, his fingers smoothing over the surface of vanity. He needed to be in a good headspace before they left. He needed to get his thoughts in order. Tonight was going to be about Ryan. He wanted to go to Amir’s and spend time with his friends and play poker and eat and have a good time, and hopefully between them all, they could let Ryan know how much they all cared about him. 

“It’s going to be fine. Even Talinda said she’d come. Ryan likes her. She’ll make a difference.” Chester cracked a smile. It was funny to think about Talinda at Amir’s. They were both such strong personalities. It was going to be interesting to see how they liked each other. 

Chester took a second to look down at himself, tugging at his black v-neck shirt, and then his tastefully ripped jeans - a Score specialty. He still needed to go pick out a pair of shoes to cover up his black socks that were speckled with tiny rainbows, but that wouldn’t take long. He already knew the pair he wanted. 

He stepped over to the toilet and quickly took care of business before flushing and then washing his hands. He’d painted his fingernails black yesterday after he’d come home from work, and he inspected them as he soaped and rinsed his hands, pleased that they still looked good. _Mike needs to let me paint his nails. I think it would look good on him. Blue. He needs blue nail polish. It’s his color._ With that idea in mind, Chester turned to leave the bathroom. He’d have to come up with a plan for Mike’s nails later. Right now he had cookies to pack up and food to walk down to the car. 

Even though Cheese wanted to stop and sniff the world, Mike coaxed her along to Chester’s car first. Her bag full of puppy care items was heavy on one shoulder, and he wanted to drop it in the backseat before standing around while the dog did her business. _I can’t believe Amir said it was okay to bring her. Chester knows how to talk anyone into anything. He’s right though, being home alone that long would be hard for her. We’ve never left her that long!_ Mike looked down at Cheese, whose short legs were working overtime to keep up with him. He slowed his pace a little to give her a fighting chance. He didn’t see Matt crossing the courtyard at the same time he was, or that he changed direction specifically to come talk to Mike.

Matt adjusted his bag on his shoulder and ran a quick hand through his hair. _There he is. Alone. I’m going to go talk to him now._ He hadn’t been able to get his student alone after class all week. Mike had rushed out every day, but now he was right in front of Matt, clad in his typical flannel shirt and jeans. His steps quickened when Mike looked up and saw him coming. “Hey, Mike,” he called with a wave.

Mike tightened his grip on Cheese’s leash, but she wasn’t the type to take off running to a stranger anyway. “Matt, what’s happening?” In Mike’s other hand he held Chester’s keys, ready to unlock the doors to the red sportscar.

“I haven’t been able to catch you after class this week,” Matt said when he got close enough. He glanced down at the dog, recognizing it as Chester’s. “You got a minute?”

“Not really,” Mike responded, clicking the remote and unlocking the car doors. He reached inside and dropped the cheese covered bag. “I’ve got to take Cheese to pee and then I’ve got to help Chester with the cheese upstairs. Is it important? I know I didn’t forget an assignment.” Mike’s brain clicked back through the past week, but he knew he’d done all of his work. He kept a planner and checked everything off as he went. 

Matt stopped with his hand at the top of the passenger door. There was too much cheese in that sentence, and he shook it off. He didn’t care about Mike Shinoda’s fixation with cheese. “It’s kind of important. Something about Chester, I thought you should know.”

Mike straightened up and looked at Matt, then down at Cheese. “Chester? You don’t even know him. You ran into him once, when he was walking Cheese.” He gave Matt a pointed look and closed the door, and was satisfied when Matt took a step back. “Whatever it is, spill it while I walk her.” The sudden thought that someone had turned them in, that the University knew Chester was practically living with him, occurred to Mike. “It’s not about him staying here, is it?”

“No, it’s not that.” Matt laughed under his breath. _Everyone_ knew that Mike’s boyfriend stayed over all the time, but it would be hard to find anyone whose partner didn’t. He followed Mike and Cheese back toward the apartment, keeping stride next to Mike. “I overheard Chester on the phone a few days back. I was on my way to breakfast, and he was sitting on the stairs outside your place.” It didn’t matter that Dan was actually the one who heard Chester, and relayed the information to him. Matt could easily play it off as though he’d witnessed the conversation himself. 

Cheese abruptly stopped at an inviting patch of grass and sniffed around, ready to pee. Mike looked over at Matt and shrugged. “Okay? The apartment is small. Sometimes we need space to talk, it’s not a big deal.” He couldn’t figure out why Matt thought this was worthy of a discussion. The only time Chester had been outside to talk was last weekend when he took Ryan’s call, but then he’d come inside and filled Mike in before they left for the beach. It had been a great afternoon. 

Matt put on his best sympathetic face. “Gosh, I hate to be the one to tell you, Mike.” He reached out and rubbed his hand up and down Mike’s bicep soothingly. “He was talking to some other guy. He told him he loved him.” Matt waited a moment to let Mike process the news he knew would be heartbreaking. It was thrilling to be rubbing over Mike’s flannel shirt while he waited.

 _What a creeper,_ Mike decided instantly. He didn’t know how to respond. Giving Matt any more insight into his life with Chester was a definite mistake, but he wanted to defend his boyfriend. He felt Cheese trot back to his side, and he looked down at her, thinking.

That silent moment of indecision was enough for Matt to step closer and lace his arm around Mike’s shoulders. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you,” he whispered, right before he kissed Mike’s cheek. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you.” 

The feel of Matt’s kiss, the unwelcome weight of his arm on Mike’s shoulders, brought Mike’s attention back to his T.A. “Um, no, I don’t need to talk,” he said, backing away from Matt. “I know who Chester was talking to.” He looked around quickly, wondering if anyone else had seen Matt making a pass at him. _That’s what it was, right?_ He backed up another step, and then picked up Cheese. “Thanks for trying to do the right thing, but you’re wrong this time.” He turned to get back to the apartment, walking quickly. To his dismay, Matt followed him up.

“Are you sure, Mike?” Matt offered.

“Yeah, I’m sure. You’re wrong about Chester.” Mike took the stairs quickly, not even turning to face Matt before he took the short hallway to his door. “See ya Monday.” He ended the conversation as fast as he could, ducking back inside the apartment before Matt could even say goodbye. His heart was racing. 

****

Getting everything out of the car and up to Amir’s had been a struggle, but Mike and Chester managed. It was a relief when Noah opened the door, stepping back instantly so they could come in and unload everything in their arms. “You brought your dog?” Noah asked as the trio walked past him to get inside the apartment. “She’s so cute. Cuter than the pictures you’ve shown us. She’s so little!” he squealed as he followed behind Mike and Cheese. “Can I pick her up?”

“Dog?” Amir called from upstairs. “You brought your dog? I don’t remember agreeing to a dog!” He went rushing down the stairs to meet everyone, and already his boyfriend was on the floor with Mike and Chester’s ball of fluff. “Why? You said you were bringing food!”

“I did bring food,” Chester defended as he unloaded his arms, setting everything on the kitchen counters. “And I asked you,” he reminded his roommate. “I asked if it was okay to bring Cheese over and you said yes.” 

“Yeah, _cheese_. I forgot you named the dog Cheese. I don’t understand the two of you and the cheese obsession.” Amir couldn’t help but smile as the puppy attacked Noah playfully. The two of them were already having a great time. “Noey, you gonna play poker with the grown ups tonight or just entertain the dog?” he teased. 

“But look at her,” Noah cooed as he sat with his legs tucked under himself, Cheese on his lap. “She’s so cute and little.” He put his face close and Cheese licked at him, making him giggle. “She likes me!”

“I promise she’s really well behaved,” Chester offered as he moved around the kitchen he was very familiar with. He stuck the pinwheels in the fridge, along with the cheese spread Mike loved. He’d wait until everyone was ready to eat, and then he’d plate the crackers and cover them with spicy concoction. They were best fresh. 

Mike put down the cheese bag and nodded at Amir. “She is a good girl. Aren’t you, Cheese?” he said, and as the pitch of his voice rose, Cheese cocked her head to the side. She knew her daddy’s voice. “She won’t interrupt the game. She’ll probably nap, actually. But I’ll keep an eye on her, so you don’t have to worry about it. I know you’ll be playing the host,” he added to Chester, walking over to slide his arm around his boyfriend’s waist. “I’ll be on Cheese duty while you’re on cheese duty,” he said, kissing the back of Chester’s neck.

Amir rolled his eyes as Chester giggled. It was good to see them so happy, but somehow the addition of the tiny dog increased their level of sappiness. “Yeah, Chaz will have to be careful he doesn’t worry about the food so much that he won’t be a challenge. That won’t be fun. I hate winning without effort.” 

Chester’s mouth dropped open as he spun around, out of Mike’s arms to glare at Amir. “As if. Like I’d ever be distracted enough to not kick your ass at poker.” He checked his watch. “I hope Ry’s not late. I’m hoping we can talk to him before things get going and then we can all have fun. I don’t want him to get offended.” He looked instinctually over to Mike, and he smiled when his lover nodded in encouragement. 

“Okay, okay,” Amir said, throwing his hands up as the dog came close to sniff his feet. “Glad to know I won’t be taking your money without a fight. So… have you heard from him today?” he asked Chester. He didn’t want to say it out loud, but he was starting to doubt Ryan was going to show up. The last several texts to his friend had gone unanswered. Amir knelt down next to Noah and let Cheese sniff and then lick his hand. “And I admit it, she’s cute, Shinoda. As long as she doesn’t pee on my floor, I guess we’re good.” 

“She won’t,” Mike said quickly, then added, “if she has an accident I have all the stuff to clean it up. Ches found this enzyme cleaner, and you won’t even know it happened.”

“I saw him yesterday at work,” Chester answered as he watched Amir pet Cheese. “He seemed okay. I don’t think he answered my text from earlier though.” Before he said anything else, Chester pulled his phone from his pocket. He pulled up his text thread with Ryan, but his shoulders slumped. “No. He hasn’t. But he hasn’t been the best at responding lately. I asked if he was still coming when we were at work yesterday and he said he was.”

Amir looked over at Noah, their eyes meeting over the puppy for a second before he stood up, leaving Noah and Cheese to play. “Well, I guess we’ll have to see how it goes, then. Surely if Talinda is coming, Ry would come with her. It makes sense.”

“I forgot about Talinda,” Mike mentioned from nowhere. He found the Score assistant a little intimidating, and he couldn’t help but wonder what she’d be like in a casual setting like poker. Already he was thinking strategy and hoping to fly under Amir’s radar when it came to the game. He’d forgotten to factor Talinda in, too. 

“Maybe,” Chester mumbled as he looked back down at his phone. “I’ll text her and see if they’re together.” His fingers ran over the keys before he clicked the screen to black and looked up. It was nice to be around friends, and having Cheese there with them brought a different sort of feeling Chester couldn’t quite place. He glanced from across the room to the table. Normally it only sat four, but Amir had put the leaf in, and now it could easily sit six. There was a green cover over it, and the deck of cards was already smack dab in the middle, waiting on them. 

Chester’s phone pinged and looked down to see Talinda’s answer. “Fuck,” Chester swore before he looked up. “Talinda’s on her way. Alone. She said she hasn’t seen Ry all day. Fuck.” He quickly texted her back. 

Mike sucked his bottom lip in and stayed silent, watching Chester text. _He better show up. I’m tired of him upsetting Ches. Disappointing him. I know Ches wanted to show off Cheese, that’s the real reason she’s here._ He looked over at Noah. Cheese seemed perfectly happy to play boop the snoot with the redhead over and over. “He’ll be here,” Mike offered quietly before he stepped away, back toward Cheese.

“He better,” Amir grumbled through his teeth as he traded spots with Mike. He went over to the counter closest to Chester. “I’ve got everything else ready to go in here.” He pointed at the stacks of small plates and the glasses ready for drinks. “No matter who’s here, we’re going to have a good time, Chaz. It’s been too long.”

Chester stared down at the plates and cups, his head shaking slowly back and forth. “I don’t get why he’s being like this. It’s not like him. At all. You know him,” he said, his voice quiet just between him and Amir. “Ryan’s always been so loyal. Dependable. If I could count on anyone, it was him. You know?” He shut his eyes, his head hung as the picture of Ryan came into his thoughts. His long, full history with Ryan Shuck hit his heart at full speed. The physical connection they’d formed over years of working together, all the long conversations about life and the future. All the times they’d held each other in comfort. All the jokes and laughter and adventures over the last handful of years. They’d made it through YRS together, and had conquered one adventure after another as friends. 

But not anymore. That part of their lives was over, as Mike took Ryan’s place next to Chester’s side. It was the way Chester wanted it, the path he’d chosen. But he’d never meant for Ryan to become collateral damage. Chester felt his insides fall away into something empty. “Is it my fault?” he whispered. “He wasn’t like this until I pushed him away.” He looked over at Amir. “Is it my fault?” 

Amir shook his head, his long bangs falling to the side. “I don’t think it’s you, Chaz.” He looked over his shoulder at Mike, glad to see he was occupied with Noah and Cheese and not listening to them. “You know it’s Jason. He lived on the fantasy that they would be together someday. Now it’s someday, and Jay’s gone. I don’t think he’s come to grips with that yet.” There was more he could say, but with Mike in earshot, Amir didn’t want to stir up any bad feelings, or make things worse than Chester already felt. “Don’t blame yourself, Chaz. Jay broke his heart. It’s his fault.” 

Chester nodded slowly in agreement. “I hate that they didn’t work out. You’re right. I don’t think Ry’s totally accepted it yet. He was actually doing okay when they first broke up and he moved in with Talinda and then after he and Jay had their little fling, whatever that was. Break up sex. That’s when he fell apart. When he got back from going with Mike to Seattle, do you know what he told me? He told me he thought he was doing everything wrong. Like, with relationships.” Chester looked away from Amir to stare at the ceiling for a second and then the floor. “It messed him up. Whatever happened between the two of them for that week they were kinda getting back together, it messed him up. I don’t know how to help him.” 

Amir huffed out a breath, more frustrated at himself than anything else. “Breakup sex. That’s totally my fault.” 

Chester twisted around. “What? How is that your fault?” 

“It was when you and Mike were broken up. One morning when you and Mike were still sleeping Ry came over, and we talked. We talked about you two,” Amir admitted, “trying to decide what was going on. If you were going to end up together again or if it was just a lot of breakup sex. And Ry had never heard of breakup sex. I think he was a little upset he hadn’t gotten his.” Amir shook his head, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut for once. “I don’t know. Maybe if I hadn’t brought it up he would have never tried with Jay.” 

Chester crossed his arms as he leaned his butt against the counter. “I don’t know, man. He’s always been a sucker for Jay. Look at what he went through all those years, sneaking behind Mark’s back and risking everything, just to be with Jay. He told me Jason was the one who called and invited him over to his hotel room that night. It probably would have happened with or without you putting that idea in his head.” Chester stopped for a minute, his teeth grit. “Stupid Jason. He really did Ry dirty.” 

He looked away from Amir and across the space, his gaze landing on Mike as he sat on the floor with Noah, Cheese rolling around between them, acting her cutest. It was still hard to understand exactly why things had gone as far as they did between Mike and Jason, but what Chester did know is that whatever it was, it wasn’t solid. Not from Mike’s point of view, and not from Jason’s. The biggest difference was that he and Mike had managed to put things back together, but Ryan and Jason hadn’t. 

Chester let out a long sigh. There was no use hounding on the topic of Jason, not when he was hundreds of miles away and seemingly had no care or love for Ryan anymore. “I just hope he shows up tonight. Even if what we say falls on deaf ears, it would still be good for him to be around real friends. You know he openly admitted there’s nothing between him and Rob? It’s just sex.” 

“That sounds like old Ryan. Before you. Before Jason.” _Sounds like me before Noah. That’s the problem with Ryan. He’s still in love with Jason and he’s acting out. Fucking Jason._ Amir shoved a hand through his hair and scowled. “He better show up. I’ll have to go kick his ass if he doesn’t. If I can find him,” he amended, and then paused again. “If Noey would let me.” His boyfriend was all about harmony and peacefulness, and probably wouldn’t take well to the tough love ass beating Amir would want to inflict on Ryan if he ditched them tonight. 

Mike looked into the kitchen, trying to see what Amir and Chester were doing that had lowered their voices so much he couldn’t hear them anymore. He felt Cheese’s puppy teeth nip at his hand before she turned and did the same thing to Noah. “You’re gonna wear yourself out before the poker even starts,” Mike told her, but Cheese paid him no attention. “Hey, Ches!” he called into the kitchen. “What are you doing?” 

“Nothing!” Chester called back as he let his arms go to his sides, relaxing. “Just having a bitch-fest over here. We’re done now.” He only gave Amir half a glance before he headed for his boyfriend. He dropped down on his knees. “Cheesy Girl, what are you doing?” 

The moment he was near, and the puppy heard his voice, she was up, ramming her way into Chester’s lap. “You’re so silly. You’re just showing off for Noah.” 

“All puppies are cute,” Noah stated as he watched the tiny terrier get her way with Chester. “But she’s really adorable.” He glanced over his shoulder, just in time to see Amir move further into the kitchen, like he was getting a glass of water or checking on something. Noah looked back at Chester and Mike. “I wish we could get one. I don’t think Amir would go for it though.” 

“We adopted her from the humane society,” Chester said, an inch of pride coming into his voice. He’d told his roommates all about his ad campaign with the animal welfare organization, but not sure if he ever told them that was where Cheese had come from. “If you guys do decide to get a puppy, you should look there first. Lots of dogs need homes.” 

“Yeah,” Noah agreed. “We’ve seen your commercial, Chaz.” Noah sat up a little straighter, his eyes wide. “Oh my god, she’s in the commercial with you!” He pointed at Cheese like she was newly discovered evidence. “I can’t believe I never put it together before. Duh.” He looked over everyone to see toward the kitchen. “Amir! Did you realize Cheese is the one in the humane society commercial with Chaz? It’s her!” 

Amir came out into the living room, but unlike everyone else, he chose to sit on the couch. He wasn’t going to get on the floor for any reason, even the cutest dog in the world. “Makes sense,” he said calmly, watching his boyfriend’s epiphany before he flipped his attention to the dog in Chester’s lap. She was going nuts, flipped over on her back while Chester rubbed her belly. “I don’t think I can handle a hyper dog on top of a hyper boyfriend.” 

“She’s not always this hyper,” Mike defended quickly. “It’s just a new environment, and new people. She’ll settle down here soon.” He loved Cheese with his whole heart. He didn’t want to think that she was anything other than completely adorable, though he knew they probably needed to start training her behaviors soon so she didn’t turn into a total brat. But right now, she was playing with Chester, and the two of them were too cute. He leaned over close to his boyfriend and kissed his shoulder. It was the only part of him he could reach. “Right, babe?”

Chester looked over and smiled at his boyfriend before he turned his attention to Amir on the couch. “Yeah, normally she’s pretty calm. Unless she wants to play fetch. Or she needs attention. At home she’s on a routine.” He looked back down at the puppy in his lap. “Cheese, let’s get your cheese and show Noah how you can fetch.” 

“I’ll get it,” Noah volunteered right away, bouncing to his feet. “Is it in the bag?” 

“Yeah. It’s a stuffed piece of cheddar cheese.” 

Noah grinned. “That’s so funny. Cheese has cheese.” He snatched the bag up from the floor where Mike had dropped it earlier and set it on the poker table. “There’s a lot of stuff in here,” he mumbled as he looked through the bag, but he found the toy quickly. It really did look like a triangle of cheddar. He held it up as he walked back to the others. “Cheese, you want your cheese?” 

The puppy was up, getting off of Chester’s lap as she sat and wagged her tail, staring up at Noah and whining. 

“Throw it down the hallway toward the bathroom,” Chester suggested as he pointed. “She’ll go get it.” 

Noah couldn’t wait. “Come on, Cheese. Go get it!” He tossed the toy a few feet away, but the puppy didn’t move. She looked from Noah back to Mike and Chester. 

“Aw it’s okay, Cheesy Girl. Go get it,” Chester encouraged, rubbing his hand down her back, but she was trembling. “I think she’s nervous. It’s still a new place.” 

Noah’s shoulders sank as he walked over and scooped the toy back up. “Here, Chaz, maybe if you throw it for her.” He tossed the toy into Chester’s lap, and Cheese attacked it immediately. 

Amir held his arms out for Noah, and his boyfriend came right to him. “I’m sure she’ll play with you later,” he consoled. “You’re so funny. What in the world would we do with a dog in this apartment, Peaches? You know they have to go outside all the time.” He could already hear himself losing the argument over getting a dog. Noah was up with the sun every day, and had boundless energy. Just like a puppy. 

Noah was sulking a little, but he could also hear the way Amir’s voice was wavering. His boyfriend wasn’t totally against the idea. “We could figure it out. Mike and Chaz are in an apartment and Cheese does just fine.” He looked hopefully right into Amir’s dark eyes. “We could at least go look sometime, couldn’t we? We can go to the humane society. I bet Chaz would go with us, show us around.” 

Chester caught the sound of his name as he looked over at the couch. “You bet. I’d be happy to go along. Everyone who works down there is really nice.” 

“Sometime,” Amir agreed. Sometime was vague enough. Either Noah would realize a puppy was a lot of work and give up the idea, or he’d have a dog soon. He ran his hand up Noah’s back and squeezed his shoulder a little, a half ass massage. “We’ll see, Chaz,” he said. 

Mike grinned. “That’s what happened with us. Ches said no, and before the shoot was over, he was in love with Cheese, too.” He looked at Noah. “I figure you’re probably persistent enough to get what you want.” It was no secret persistence was how Noah had landed Amir in the first place. 

He stood up and went to the puppy bag, digging out the water bowl and the bed. “I’ll get her some water and put her bed where she can see us in the kitchen, if that’s okay with you, Amir.” Mike only waited long enough to see Amir nod, and he was on a mission. He placed the puppy bed on the floor and carried the water bowl to the sink, filling it up. “Come on, Cheese!” he called, carrying the bowl close to the bed, but not too close. He didn’t want the bed to get wet. “Come get some water and calm down!” 

About the time the puppy was headed for the kitchen, and Chester was up from the floor to follow along, there was a knock on the front door. “That’s probably Talinda,” Chester mentioned over his shoulder. 

“I’ll get it,” Noah offered, before Amir could stand up. He’d heard a lot about Talinda over the months that Chester and Ryan worked at Score, and he was ready to meet the woman they called _The Tyrant_. He wrinkled his nose in thought as he tried to picture how she would be as he opened the door. He knew she was tall with long black hair, but that was as far as Chester and Ryan’s descriptions had ever gone. He wasn’t really expecting the very nicely dressed, professional woman in front of him. 

Her heels looked like daggers, her dark dress pants falling just over the tops of them. She had on a gray and black striped top, with a see-through black shirt over it, or at least Noah thought it was over it, or maybe it was one piece? He wasn’t sure. But it looked classy with her gold necklace that had a nice diamond pendant hanging down the center of her chest. She had matching diamond earrings that she was fiddling with. Her long hair was up, pulled tight into an expertly arranged bun that had a string of gold and diamonds wrapped around it as well. She looked like she was headed to a V.I.P party, not over to play poker. 

Noah smiled. “Hi. I’m Noah,” he said, sticking his hand out. “I’m Amir’s boyfriend… Chaz’s roommate.” 

“Oh, right. Ryan’s mentioned you.” She shook his hand before he stepped out of the way and offered for her to come in. She looked around quickly at the neatly kept space, that was clearly as high-end as the building she was already impressed with. “This is a nice place.” 

“Come on in,” Noah said, leading the way. “Ryan’s not here yet, but Chaz and Mike are. And this is Amir,” he said, heading right for the couch, pointing to his boyfriend, who was standing up. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Talinda offered first, walking right up to him, with her thin strapped purse hanging from her shoulder. 

Amir took her hand firmly, meeting her eyes straight on. “It’s nice to meet you, too,” he said, quickly sizing her up. She was everything he’d expected her to be, down to the overdressed part. “We’re glad you could come. It’s always fun to have a new face at poker night.” He took note of her firm grasp before they both let go, and he waved her toward the kitchen. “Chaz has snacks and I’ve got drinks, what’s your preference?” 

“Water’s fine,” Talinda answered before she headed for the kitchen. “Chester, Mike,” she said, nodding to them both before her attention fell to the floor. “Oh. You brought your dog.” She let out a sigh. “No wonder Forrest hired you. You’re just as bad as he is.” 

“Great minds think alike,” Chester happily answered. “Are you hungry? We’re still waiting on Ry to show up.” 

“Just water, thanks,” Talinda told him as she watched Mike fumble around with the puppy. “I texted Ryan and told him I was on my way here. He still hasn’t answered. He was fine yesterday at work. He’s so back and forth. It’s maddening.” 

“I know!” Chester agreed quickly as he filled up her glass with ice and water. “I even asked him yesterday if he was still coming and he said yes. He was even excited about it. I can’t read him anymore. It’s frustrating.” 

“Well, we can stand around complaining about him some more, or we can have a warm up game,” Amir stated, watching Chester hand Talinda a glass of ice water before he realized she hadn’t asked for ice. “I’m the bartender tonight. What’s everyone want now that the lady has hers? Chaz? Mike?” He knew what Noah wanted, but he asked anyway. “Noey? Same as usual?” 

“Rum and Coke,” Chester answered without thought. “Easy on the rum, though. And I agree, we should start playing. If Ry shows up, he’ll see we’re having fun and hopefully he’ll want to stay.”

Mike looked up from the floor where he was coaxing Cheese into the bed for a break. “I’ll have what Ches is having. Lighter on the rum.”

Amir rolled his eyes. “Well this is shaping up to be an all nighter. Water, and two light rum and cokes. It’s a party.” He turned his back to the rest of the group and heard Noah’s affirmative to make his favorite cocktail, an apple martini. “At least Noey’s ready to have some fun.” He splashed rum into two glasses of ice and poured coke over top before he got his martini shaker to start Noah’s. _If Ry shows up, he’ll drink with me. Though maybe he shouldn’t. That’s part of what this is about. The drinking and the meaningless sex. God, it sounds like Ry’s gone backwards five years._

He took Mike and Chester’s rum and cokes to the table first, and was annoyed to see Talinda sitting primly in his chair. Reminding himself that she was a guest, he put on a smile. “You got the best seat in the house,” he commented, flicking down two napkins and placing the drink on top. 

Talinda sipped her water. “I commend you on your decorating skills. Everything in here goes really well.” She watched the appreciative smile flip across Amir’s lips. “Ryan and I have been redoing my apartment. He’s actually really good at that sort of thing. If he was home more, we’d be further along.” She sighed as she looked over at Chester. It was interesting to see him away from work, surrounded by friends. His look was on par, and she had to silently giggle over Mike’s flannel. She had no idea how her fashion model had ended up in love with someone who always looked like he’d just rolled out of bed - messy hair included. “I told him if he ever decided to leave the fashion industry, he should try and get a contractor’s license.” 

Chester sat down next to Talinda and picked up his rum and Coke. He was happy it wasn’t strong. “I’d hate to see him leave fashion, but I think you’re right. I’ve seen what he’s done at your place,” he said, gesturing her way. “It all looks professional.”

Mike looked over. He didn’t know Chester had been to Talinda’s. _Maybe he hasn’t. Maybe it’s just been pictures. I’ll ask him later._ He patted Cheese one last time and went to the table to take his seat next to Chester, draping one arm across the back of his boyfriend’s chair. Mike let his fingers trace lightly over Chester’s shoulder as he looked around the table. Other than drinks and the cards, there was nothing out - no snacks - and Mike frowned. “Babe, you need help getting snacks to the table?” he asked, thinking about the cheese spread. He was ready to eat a dozen cheese and crackers. He wanted to tell Chester to get him his own plate. 

Chester looked over. “Oh. Oh, I forgot.” He glanced around the table before he stood up and headed for the kitchen. The cookies were easy, he would pop the lid on the container they were in and leave them on the table. The pinwheels were the same way, and he did both of those first. He walked the platters to the card table and set them down. “You guys can have whatever you want. I’ve got cheese and crackers, too.” He turned and headed back. Slapping cheese spread on the delicate table water crackers wouldn’t take long. He smiled down at Cheese, laying out in her bed, eyes closed as she slept. She barely registered that he'd even come into the space.

Noah reached for a cookie. “Thank you, Chaz!” he hollered towards the kitchen before he looked down at the treat. “I love it when he cooks. Or bakes. Or whatever.” 

Amir sat down with Noah’s martini and his whiskey. “You’re always first for the sugar, Peaches,” he teased lightly before he raised his voice to Chester. “I fucking love these pinwheel things, they’re my favorite!”

Mike watched everyone pick up a bite, but he was waiting for the cheese crackers. _The last time we had cheese crackers here was the night we had sex in the closet._ He looked over at Chester, admiring his small ass that wiggled side to side as he worked and hummed happily. _That was a good night. He made me my own plate of crackers that night. Maybe he will again._ He picked up his drink and tasted it. It wasn’t too strong, and he was satisfied with that. “The pinwheels are good,” he finally said, “but the cheese spread is where my heart is. It’s so good,” he announced to the air and nobody in particular. 

Chester didn’t miss his lover’s voice, or his vote for the cheese and crackers, and Chester grinned. _I should make him his own plate. If I don’t, he’ll just hog this whole thing anyway._ It was a quick decision. Chester took down a second plate from the cabinet, a smaller, clear blue saucer. A Mike plate. He piled six crackers on it, heavy on the cheese spread, before he finished up the main platter for everyone else. 

He walked both back to the table. “Okay, I’m ready,” he told the group as he sat down the crackers before he kissed the top of Mike’s head. “And a special plate for you, Sexy Boy.” 

“I love you.” Mike waited for Chester to sit down and leaned over to give his neck a little tickle with his beard. “You’re my favorite. More than the cheese spread,” he whispered in Chester’s ear. 

Chester’s hand went right to Mike’s leg under the table. He gave it a good squeeze. “I’m glad I rank higher on your list than cheese spread. I’m a lucky guy.” 

Talinda held back from laughing. It was comical to see Chester Bennignton acting so lovey-dovey of his own free will. There had been times at work, when the cameras were on that he’d pull out all the stops - the big eyes, the sappy looks, the youthful grins. But to see him genuinely acting so mushy wasn’t something she was ready for. “The pinwheels are good,” she offered when Mike and Chester finally looked away from each other. She picked a piece of turkey off and nibbled at it. “I don’t think I’ve ever asked. How long have you two been together?” 

Chester sipped his drink. He hadn’t taken anything to eat yet, but he was enjoying watching everyone else. “Um, almost three years?” he asked, looking Mike’s way. 

It took Mike a second of quick calculation to agree. “Wow, yeah. Almost three.” He covered Chester’s hand on his leg, lacing their fingers together. “It has really gone by fast.” He picked up one of his personal cheese crackers and stuffed it in his mouth, his eyes closing automatically to enjoy the deliciousness.

Amir struggled with the snarky comments that wanted to follow Mike’s statement. He was certain the first year and a half hadn’t felt fast, while Mike was hating Mark and Ryan and YRS. His eyes flicked over to Talinda, and he decided not to say anything. He wasn’t sure how much she knew about their past, and ultimately she was one of Chester’s bosses. There was a line there he didn’t feel like crossing, just in case. He looked around the table, and saw Noah reaching for another cookie already, over the _other_ plate of cheese crackers. “I see the tradition of Mike getting his own special food continues even here, Chaz. You spoil him.”

Chester shrugged. “I do. I’m not even going to deny it.” He took another longer drink, and wished his rum and Coke was a little stronger. “Are we going to play? We should probably go over house rules for everyone.” 

“Yep.” Amir picked up the deck of cards to shuffle as he talked everyone through the rules. It was almost comical to see the concentration on Mike’s face. _He thinks he stands a chance against me? Hah. I’m gonna tear Mike Shinoda up tonight._ His eyes flicked quickly over the rest of his guests as he doled out the cards. Noah looked perfectly pleasant, and Chaz was ready to play. But Talinda looked completely out of her element as she picked up her cards and held them as though they had foreign words printed on them. “Everything okay?” he asked, tapping the deck into a neat stack before he picked up his hand.

“I’m not much of a card player,” she admitted without issue. “I’m really only here for Ryan.” She flipped her wrist over to look at her diamond studded watch. “I was really hoping he would come. He’s already thirty minutes late.” 

“I know,” Chester agreed. His cards were already arranged, and he folded them down so no one could see them as he spoke to Talinda. “Before he started acting like this, he was never late to anything. He was usually early.” 

“I’ll text him again after this hand,” Amir suggested. It wasn’t long before Chester took the first hand, and everyone slid their poker chips his direction. “Lucky start,” he decided, picking up a pinwheel for a between round nibble. “I’m coming for you, Chaz.”

“Do your worst,” Chester chuckled as he dealt the next hand. He passed the cards around, going in order. “I really don’t mind taking all your money, Amir. Don’t forget, I’ve learned from the best.” He gave out the last card needed, and kept the rest for the next round. He looked at his hand and tried not to smile. Three cards in and he was already off to a good start. 

“Who taught you to play, Chaz?” Noah asked as he tried to arrange his cards, but none of them matched. 

Chester looked up and around the table before staring down at his pair of Kings. He really hadn’t expected to have to explain his comment. “Mark and Jason.” 

“Ohh,” Noah said, before he got quiet. He hadn’t been at YRS long enough to see either of the bosses join in on cards, but he’d seen the others play plenty of times, usually just for fun. “I bet they were both great.” 

Mike shifted in his seat. He _wasn’t_ good at poker, and he’d done everything possible not to get involved in the games at YRS. His hand was pretty good though, and he thought he might stand a chance of winning this round. “Ches taught me how to play,” he mentioned, trying to move the subject away from Mark and Jason.

“Then by default you should be good, Shinoda,” Amir taunted, studying his options. 

“Well, I’m not Chester,” Mike said back, reaching for another cheese cracker. 

Talinda was a little lost on the name dropping. She had to figure the _Jason_ that was mentioned was Ryan’s Jason, but she wasn’t sure. “So how do you all know each other?” she asked as she reached to try one of the cheese and crackers. She’d looked at her cards, but since she didn’t really understand the hands, she’d just wait till the end and see if hers were better than everyone else’s. “You all seem very different.” 

“We all used to work together,” Chester answered easily as he tossed in his bet, and everyone followed suit before he dealt the next card. “At YRS.” He looked right at Talinda, checking for her reaction. “Surely Ry told you.” 

She nodded slowly, her cracker squeezed between two fingers. “Yes. He’s mentioned it a few times. Interesting.” 

Mike laid his cards on the table and reached for his drink. First Mark and Jason, now YRS, and his nerves were a little on edge. He hated talking about it and he hated how casual everyone else was about having porn work in their past. He took a good gulp and then another, finishing half his glass in time to see everyone showing their hand. He flipped his around and sighed. Chester again. “Nice job, babe,” he offered, giving his lover a genuine smile. 

“I almost feel bad about it. _Almost_ ,” Chester said with a laugh as he scraped up everyone’s chips. “Talinda, you dealing or are you passing?” 

“Passing,” she said as she took another cracker. “Chester, these are really good. You could package this stuff and sell it.” 

It was Mike’s turn with the cards. “I tell him all the time he should go to culinary school. He’s amazing in the kitchen.” He shot Chester another adoring look before he got serious about the cards. “Okay. This is going to be a great hand,” he mumbled to himself as he finished shuffling and dealt them out.

Amir swiped up his cards as each came by. “You’re going down, Chazzy,” he decided before he even looked at his cards. He’d already determined Noah and Mike weren’t a threat. 

“Somehow I doubt that,” Chester teased back as he sipped his drink. “And I’m not going to school for anything. I’m leaving that to Mike. One of us in college is enough.” 

Talinda barely looked at her cards, but she tossed in her chips like everyone else as they clanged together in the middle of the table. “I went to business school. Four years. It wasn’t bad. I think I did more partying than studying,” she said with a short smile. 

Internally Mike was scandalized. School was too expensive to waste partying. It was the exact opposite of his approach to his degree. “Really?” he said without thinking. “How did you have time? Ask Ches, I barely have time to eat,” he practically whined, looking from his cards to Chester. He already knew he was going to lose the hand. 

Talinda sipped her water. “I don’t know, it wasn’t that hard. I’m not saying I didn’t study. I did. I studied my ass off when it counted. But there was a lot of free time, too. I didn’t go to USC,” she said, pressing one hand to her chest. “Maybe that’s the difference. Not all colleges are the same.”

“Ah!” Amir yelled as he threw down his cards. “I told you, Chazzy, your luck would run out!” He celebrated by making a show of collecting his chips and organizing them. They were all neatly separated and Mike was handing Noah the cards. “Be good to me, Noey,” he said as he grabbed his phone to text Ryan again. 

Mike looked over at Talinda. “I know they aren’t. A business degree must have some pretty hard classes, though. There’s a lot you can do with a degree like that.” 

“My first few jobs were awful,” Talinda said as she watched Noah deal the next hand. “I’m really happy at Score. Forrest is a great boss.” 

“Yeah he is,” Chester chimed in before he stood up. “I’m going to refill my drink. Mike?” 

“Sure, babe,” Mike said, sliding his glass over. He thought he might have a good hand this time, and he tried not to smile. It was hard. “I need some more cheese crackers, too,” he added as the last one went into his mouth.

“I can’t imagine you studying so much you can’t find time to eat,” Amir said pointedly, looking at Mike’s empty plate. One thing he knew about Mike Shinoda was that he never let food sit on his plate for long. 

Chester didn’t say anything as he picked up Mike’s empty plate along with their glasses and headed for the kitchen. He set them all on the counter and pulled out his phone. He had zero texts from Ryan. He glared at his last message, sitting there with no response. _We’re all here for him and he’s not even showing up._

He flipped to Ryan’s contact and hit call. He pressed the phone to his ear as he moved around the kitchen, getting out another can of Coke to split between his and Mike’s drinks, along with the rum.

Four long rings in, and Ryan’s voicemail picked up. “Ry, I’m at Amir’s. We’re all here...where are you?” Chester let out a long sigh as he froze, the rum in hand. “I miss you. We all miss you. We really wish you were here having fun with us. It’s not too late, okay? Just come on over.” 

He ended the call and pocketed his phone before he mixed up their drinks, making his stronger this time. The crackers were next and he whipped them together in record time before heading back to the table, balancing everything carefully. “For you, my love,” he said, handing off Mike’s drink and the plate of crackers before he took his seat.

Mike was so sure he was going to win the round. “Pick up your cards, Ches,” he said urgently, nodding toward the abandoned cards on the table. “And thanks for the crackers.” 

“Nothing from Ryan,” Amir commented as he put down his cards. He saw Chester make eye contact with him and nod shortly. Mike put his down next, a happy grin on his face when his hand beat out Amir’s. “Wow, look at you,” Amir said drily. “You figured out how to play.” 

Chester tossed his cards down after only glancing at them. “He beat me. Good job, Sexy Boy.” 

Before Mike could completely celebrate, Noah raised his hand. “Wait. Wait! I think I got you beat.” He spread his cards out on the table for everyone to see. “It’s a full house, right? That beats you. Doesn’t it?”

Amir looked at the cards and then reached over to jostle Noah by the arm. “Nice, Noey! You whooped him!” He grinned over at Mike, who looked extra cranky. “Aw, Mikey, it’s okay. You’ve got Chaz to stuff you full of cheese crackers and take the pain away.”

Mike knew he looked pathetic as he looked over at Chester. “I hate losing,” he whined.

“I know,” Chester said softly, patting Mike on the arm. “Don’t worry. The odds are with you. You’ll eventually win one.” 

“Where did that nickname come from?” Talinda asked, gaining the table’s attention as she swiped another cheesy cracker. “Chaz. Chazzy. Ryan calls you that, too.” 

Chester shrugged. “It’s from a long time ago. Everyone at YRS kinda got in the habit of calling me that.” 

It was a nickname Mike had always hated, and he felt his scowl deepen. He picked up another cracker. “Not _everyone_ ,” he said stubbornly. He hated losing and he hated that there were only three more crackers on his plate. 

Chester nudged Mike on his side. “He’s right. Not everyone calls me Chaz. Mike hates it.” He tipped his drink back with a smile.

“I don’t see why,” Noah offered. “It’s cute. And you look like a Chazzy.” 

“He’s always been a Chazzy,” Amir confirmed, even knowing how much it got under Mike’s skin. “He was Chaz long before you showed up,” he reminded Mike. He was ready to deal the next hand and take some more more, and antagonize Mike a little more, but his phone vibrated. Amir snatched it up quickly, hoping it was Ryan. 

**Ryan:** _Hey, sorry I missed poker. Something came up. Tell Chaz I’ll talk to him tomorrow._

“Fuck,” Amir breathed, reading the message twice. He hated having to relay messages, especially this one. He put both the phone and the deck of cards down and picked up his drink. He could feel Chester’s eyes watching him intently, and when he looked up, he could tell Chester already knew. “That was Ry. He’s not coming.” 

Mike reached over and slid his hand into Chester’s, giving it a squeeze. “Did he say why?”

“Something came up,” Amir said, using his hands for air quotations. He looked over at Talinda. “Sorry to drag you over here just to play cards with us.” 

“It’s okay,” Talinda answered quietly before she looked over at Chester’s crushed expression. “We tried, Chester.” She cupped his shoulder gently. “If he comes home tonight, I’ll try and talk to him.” 

Chester nodded. “Thanks,” he mumbled as he stared down at the table. He figured when Ryan wasn’t with Talinda, he wasn’t going to show up. But actually hearing that it was true was something else. “He worries the hell out of me.” 

There was a long silence, and then Amir sighed. “Me too. I can’t believe he blew us off.” It was frustrating not to be able to do anything, and even worse to see the look on Chester’s face. He knew how much it was hurting him not to be able to help their friend. Amir looked around the table, at everyone’s somber expression, and decided they could sit and be upset, or they could still make it a good evening. “Come on,” he said, picking up the deck of cards to shuffle it. “We’ve got food and plenty to drink, we can still have a great time. We can worry about Ry later, Chaz. Don’t deny me the pleasure of kicking your ass tonight.” 

****

Chester stepped into his bedroom. After winning more games than losing, and having two rum and Cokes, he was feeling good. The drinks had been light on the alcohol for the most part, but he was still feeling a little tipsy. It brought a smile to his face as he pulled his shirt off and tossed it onto the desk chair. It had been a quick decision to spend the night at Amir’s. Mike didn’t have school the next day, Cheese was with them with everything she needed, and they’d both had too much to drink to safely make the drive back to Campus. 

Chester slumped onto the bed with a yawn as he looked around his room. He spent so little time there anymore, but it still felt like his. It didn’t take long for his eyes to drift across the room to the open doors of the closet, and he smiled. He had moved a lot of things in at Mike’s, but he still had quite a bit of clothes and boxes here, too. For a brief second he thought about the college apartment, and how that was so much more like home. _I know Mike wants me to move in for real...but I’m not ready yet. Not yet._

His mind shifted back through time as he counted the months since they’d been back together. Since Mike broke up with Jason. Since they’d rededicated themselves to each other. It really hadn’t been that long, and Chester frowned. 

_We’re not ready,_ he decided quickly as he kicked off his sneakers. He stood up, pulling his belt loose and then his jeans. He stepped out of both and folded them with his shirt on the desk chair, leaving himself in only his black socks with the tiny rainbows all over them, and a pair of black silky panties, complete with two brightly colored rainbows on the back - one on each butt cheek. He took a minute, rubbing his hands over those rainbows, grinning a little at the feel of the silky material against his skin, and then he was in the closet. 

The goal had been to fetch a pair of joggers from the dresser out in the bedroom, but that hadn’t happened. Instead, he was looking over his collection of clothes, one hand on his ass, one hand on the front of his panties now, smoothing over his cock lightly. It wasn’t a conscious thought. He felt good, and even though he loved the apartment he shared with Mike, he adored his closet at Amir’s. Standing in it and looking over his clothes and shoes was something he really enjoyed, though he wasn’t sure why. 

He glanced out into the bedroom, but Mike wasn’t back from taking Cheese out to pee one last time. “Hurry up, Sexy Boy,” he said to the air, his fingers pressing a little more against his dick, squeezing the head, and pulling a moan from his own lips as erotic tingles started. He was ready for a different kind of fun. 

Mike wasn’t in any particular hurry, and Cheese knew it. She sniffed each doormat they came to in the hallway on the way back to Amir’s apartment. She stopped to sniff any random object they came across, and her small legs kept up with Mike’s relaxed pace. He was glad they weren’t driving back to campus too late, and he was ready to crash. Poker wasn’t his game, and he was glad to have that behind him as he opened Amir’s door and brought Cheese inside. 

He locked the door behind them. Amir and Noah were already upstairs, and it looked like Chester had already moved Cheese’s things into the bedroom. Mike let Cheese walk to the bedroom, and when they were close, her tail lifted in a happy wag. “You know Ches is in there, don’t you?” he asked the terrier. “Give me a second.” As soon as the harness was off, Cheese darted around the bed and headed for the closet, where the doors were open and the light was on. Mike shook his head as he closed the bedroom door and laid Cheese’s harness on the bedside table. “Chester? I thought you’d be in bed.” 

“I was, but I got distracted,” Chester answered before his attention dropped to their puppy. “Do you like the closet, Cheesy Girl? Look at all my clothes.” He reached to run his hand over the nearby hanging shirts before he took a step over. “And my shoes. No chewing them.” He watched, a smile on his face as Cheese sniffed over the rows of sneakers, boots, and sandals. “Do they all smell like me?” he asked with a snort. “I bet they do.” 

Mike wasn’t even paying attention to the dog. His eyes had gone straight to Chester, standing in the closet in only socks and panties. “How did I not know you had panties on this whole night?” he asked, then cleared his throat. “You were wearing these the whole time?” He stepped forward and both hands were immediately on Chester’s hips, his fingers feeling over the silky fabric. 

“Of course,” Chester answered, his thoughts of dogs and shoes replaced with more exciting anticipations. “They match my socks.” He turned in Mike’s arms, sticking his ass out a little. “See my rainbows?” 

“I do.” Mike pulled Chester toward him, snuggling his rainbow clad ass up against his crotch. “It’s a good thing I didn’t know. I’d have been making up excuses to get you in the bedroom all night.” He leaned his head down just enough to brush his lips over the back of Chester’s neck. “You don’t want to go to sleep now, do you?” His voice was husky and excited, his mind already turned away from sleep and toward sex. It hadn’t been on his radar the entire night, but now that Chester was rubbing against him, it was what Mike wanted. “I don’t want to go to sleep,” he whispered, letting his beard tickle Chester’s skin.

“Mmmmm, I like that,” Chester hummed as he lifted his arms behind his head to either side of Mike’s neck. He spread his fingers out, shoving them over his lover’s skin and up into his dark hair as Mike kissed a line of pecks straight down the middle of Chester’s neck. The tight feel of his boyfriend’s hands on his hips was intoxicating, and Chester shoved his ass back a little more, grinding the air. “I don’t want to go to sleep either,” he confirmed. “It feels like it’s been a long time since we were in this closet together. Fuck, it’s a turn on. _You_ turn me on.” 

“I’m pretty sure it’s just the closet,” Mike mumbled between kisses. “All these shirts… and belts… and shoes…” He slid one hand around to the front of Chester’s panties and cupped his cock firmly. The arousal was evident and Mike smiled as he dragged his lips across Chester’s shoulder. “Being in here’s got you all hot and bothered.” He stroked his fingers over the growing bulge behind the panties and pressed his hips forward at the same time, creating a little friction between their bodies.

Chester’s head was back as he sucked in every single one of Mike’s touches. “Maybe that’s true. I don’t know. We’ll never find out, since you’re the only one I’m ever going to devour in this closet.” He pulled away and turned back around, his arms looping around Mike’s neck as he pressed their lips together. His eyes were shut, but he felt his way through the kiss, his tongue coming out and taking over. He felt the urgency and desire between them both as they separated and Chester dropped his hands to Mike’s jeans. “You have way too many clothes on, Sexy Boy,” he panted as he popped the button on Mike’s jeans, coaxing them down off his hips. 

It took a wiggle of his hips, and then Mike’s jeans were down around his ankles. He stepped out of them quickly, then started to pull off his flannel. There was no need to waste time undressing, Chester was already practically naked, and even if he didn’t remove another stitch, they’d had sex with him in panties before. Mike tossed the flannel to the side and Chester already had the t-shirt up around his nipples, ready to drag it off of him, too. If they had been trying to set a record in how long it took to get Mike Shinoda naked, this might have won. “Come here,” he whispered when the shirt was abandoned and he was only wearing boxers. One hand went right back to Chester’s hip, the other went around the back of his neck and up into his curly hair, pulling him close. Mike’s heart was racing already, and thoughts of how this might go - if they were in it for a quickie, if Chester wanted to take him in the closet like last time, or if his boyfriend wanted to be dominated instead - flew across his mind as they kissed and it went deep. 

Now that Mike’s jeans were gone, Chester could feel his boyfriend’s dick pressing against the front of his silk panties. He bounced up and down on his tiptoes, rubbing their hidden cocks together, making a new sort of friction, but it wasn’t enough. He kept up with their kiss, but he slid his hand around between them, and snaked his fingers down inside Mike’s boxers. He teased over his soft pubic hair first, and then down around his shaft as they partially humped each other. 

When their kiss broke, and Chester turned his head, leaving room for Mike’s nipping teeth to take hold of his neck, he pumped his boyfriend. He ran his hand up and down the length of Mike’s dick, and cupped his mushroom head for a few seconds, guiding it to bump against his panties in a sexy rhythm. It was a lot of stimulation, both to Chester’s hand and to his cock all at once. He gasped when he felt Mike’s teeth on his skin. “Fuuuuck,” he hissed low and slow. 

The moment Mike let go of his neck, Chester ran both hands down his boyfriend’s flushed chest. “Suck me,” he begged. One hand dropped to the front of his black panties, a wet spot already there. Mike sank to his knees without a word, and Chester’s hands went into his dark hair, his fingers getting lost. His legs were spread, his dick hard as Mike nuzzled the front of the silk panties with his nose and lips. Chester’s heart rate was already elevated as he looked down to watch, his grip on Mike’s hair tightening as his lover opened his mouth and blew hot air against the moist fabric. 

Mike’s hands went up the back of Chester’s thighs, then latched onto his ass as he worked his mouth around Chester’s cock. It didn’t take long for the panties to be wet from his kisses, his tongue pressing along the hardness underneath. One of his favorite things about Chester wearing panties was when the fabric was so wet it seemed as though it wasn’t there. He could smell and taste the arousal, and Mike opened his mouth wide to mouth at Chester as he dragged his nails up the back of the panties and hooked his fingers over the top. There was an impatient whimper from overhead, and Mike smiled before he ran his fingers around to the front of the waistband and worked the panties down over the needy erection in front of his face.

He wiggled them down enough to tease his fingers over Chester’s cock, watching as it jumped under his touch. It was a personal invitation, and Mike leaned in, his fingers curled around the base of Chester’s dick before he kissed the mushroom head. It was just a gentle touch, but he felt the reaction from his boyfriend’s body. He let his tongue come out, swirling it around and then licking right in the slit, tasting the precum there with his eyes closed. It was a taste Mike never tired of, and his mouth opened wider to take just the tip of his lover in, curling his lips up under the rim of his cock and sucking while his hand stroked slowly up and down the shaft. Tingles of desire shot through his body as little by little his mouth went lower, Chester’s cock went deeper, and he increased the suction and speed. He could feel Chester’s fingers in his hair, digging into his scalp, following the up and down of his head while Mike stayed in motion. The inside of his mouth was a combination of sticky and wet, all the saliva and precum mixing together while he ran his tongue over the cock he was devouring.

Blow jobs were a personal favorite for them both, and Chester suddenly got an idea. “Mike, stop,” he breathed as he watched his boyfriend slowly pull off of him and look up. The black shade of his lover’s eyes was a turn on all by itself and Chester felt his dick ache. “Lay down. On your back. Let’s do something different.” 

He stepped back out of Mike’s hands and looked around. Cheese had retreated outside the closet, and was at the foot of the bed on the floor. It wasn’t exactly like she was watching, and since she was being quiet, Chester figured that was good enough. He turned attention back to Mike, who was flat on his back and looking up as he touched himself, his boxers gone with the rest of his clothing. 

Chester ditched the panties before he turned around backwards and positioned himself over Mike’s body. “I’ll suck you, and you can suck me,” he said, as he dropped carefully down on his knees. His face hovered over Mike’s erection, a dab of pre-cum glistening under the light of the closet, and Chester licked his lips. He wanted it. He wanted to take Mike completely in and swallow every bit of his offering. 

But he wanted permission first. He turned his head, looking over his shoulder. He laughed at the site of his pale, white ass in the air, and Mike’s hands that were already on his hips, ready to guide and direct once everything would start. “Sexy Boy, is this okay?” 

“I’m ready.” There was only a brief thought of just how not in control he was of what was happening as Chester’s mouth closed over him, and Mike’s eyes rolled back in his head as he tried to cope with his cock getting some much needed attention. For a moment he indulged his own desire, appreciating the familiar warm mouth and lips around him, and the press and drag of Chester’s lip ring against his sensitive flesh. Then he shook himself out of it, tilting his chin up to get a good angle to reciprocate. It took him a minute to get the hang of things, to get his lips around Chester’s cock and get himself aligned with the rocking motion of his boyfriend’s hips. Mike had a hard time concentrating on what he was doing while Chester was sucking him below, his expert tongue curling around his mushroom head and his lip ring hitting all the right spots. He moaned with his mouth full, feeling Chester slide between his tongue and the roof of his mouth in a way they’d never quite done before. 

Though he’d never say it out loud, Chester’s years’ worth of professional porn experience gave him the upper hand when it came to the more unusual positions. He was practiced in splitting his attention, in being a sexual multi-tasker. He could give and receive pleasure all at once like it was second nature. He was on top, and that meant he had more leverage than Mike. It also meant he had to be careful. With his knees pressed into the gray carpeting, his hips rocking, it would be easy to get caught up in the sensation of diving deep into Mike’s mouth and go in too far, too fast, or too hard. He’d seen it happen, and he’d been on the receiving end of overexcited porn stars who didn’t always take their partners’ well-being into consideration. 

But Chester was nothing like that, not during his years at YRS and especially not with his lover. He wanted them both to get off and enjoy their impromptu tryst in the closet before they would lay down in bed and wrap themselves together to sleep.

Keeping his concentration was easy, for the most part. His eyes were shut as he felt his dick go slowly in and out of Mike’s mouth, while he did the same on his end. His fingers were clawed into the carpet while he bobbed his head, licking, sucking, and kissing his boyfriend’s thick length that he loved. He dropped his head every few passes to give a kiss and lick to Mike’s balls, gently and right on the place under his cock before he’d slide his tongue back to the tip, which was full of pre-cum. 

He kept up a steady pace, all the while enjoying the feel of his lover’s mouth. His dick was jumping and aching, his balls already starting to get tight with anticipation. It wasn’t a position to last long, but for simple release, and Chester’s brakes were off. When his orgasm was ready, he was going to let it go and then easily finish Mike off, if he happened to come first. It was what made double blow jobs easy. No one was left wanting. 

Chester could feel Mike’s dick pulsing inside his mouth and he knew his boyfriend was close. He brought one hand over, and worked it around Mike’s raised leg. He stroked his lover’s thigh, and then dragged his hand down to his ass, prodding one finger close to Mike’s opening, which was moist from sweat. It wasn’t enough lubrication to actually penetrate him, but it was enough to tease, to dip the tip of his finger just inside, and Chester felt Mike’s dick go deeper into his mouth as Mike bucked his hips. 

Mike was on sensation overload. The moment he felt Chester’s finger he moaned again, and it was all he could do to keep himself in position. His head wanted to go back to receive the pleasure, but the part of him that tried to keep Chester’s pleasure at the front of his mind wouldn’t let him. One of the challenges he’d faced over the last several months was being aware of his tendency to control their activities in the bedroom. They had made steps toward becoming more equal partners, giving up and taking control at different times, and Mike had been careful to keep his focus where it belonged when they made love - on Chester. 

But this was difficult, even though it was enjoyable. Mike could feel his hips moving, trying to get closer as Chester sucked him and touched him. Every few strokes Chester’s cock threatened to pop free of his own mouth as he moaned, unable to control the reaction to what his lover was doing to him. Mike's hands slid down to Chester’s calves planted on either side of him and he latched on while his heels dug into the carpeting. He was so close, his balls and stomach tight and his legs shaking from the restraint. Chester’s cock in his mouth was hard, the weight of it sliding between Mike’s wet lips with the same rhythm he’d set up below. Mike squeezed his lips tighter around Chester’s shaft, and was rewarded with a moan from his boyfriend that Mike felt reverberate down the length of his cock. He wasn’t going to be able to get Chester off first, that much he’d figured out. His orgasm was on the way already, and Chester’s prodding finger was speeding it along. Mike’s ass wanted it, he wanted the penetration, and his own legs spread further apart, trying to make it happen.

A little more than the tip of Chester’s finger went inside him, and Mike’s moan was deeper as he encouraged it. It was only a few more seconds before he felt the heat that had pooled in his belly begin to dissolve slowly into rolling waves of pleasure. It wasn’t hard and fast, the way he’d been expecting. He felt Chester’s lip ring press into him as his lips tightened and he sucked hard at Mike’s cock, drawing the orgasm from him with his finger still inside. Mike couldn’t control the buck of his hips, the way he needed to be deeper inside Chester’s mouth as he came, moaning around Chester’s cock that was still in his mouth, still sliding between his lips and being held there by the suction Mike was creating. 

The gush of hot cum into Chester’s mouth wasn’t unexpected. After years of having sex together, Chester knew Mike’s body language and which sounds meant what. The moment he’d felt Mike’s hands grip his legs tighter, he knew it was coming and he let his boyfriend spill every drop into his mouth, and for seconds after until his lover’s body came to a stop before Chester let Mike’s cock drop from his mouth and he swallowed. 

With Mike’s orgasm out of the way, Chester’s full attention went to his own. He dropped his head, his cheek right next to lover’s deflating cock as he let himself feel the pleasure coming from Mike’s mouth. His boyfriend was good at sucking, good at touching and pulling right when it was necessary. “Fuuuuck, Seexy Boy,” he moaned loudly, since he no longer had a mouth full of cock. He was breathing hard, one arm still wrapped around Mike’s thigh, his other latched onto the carpet as he felt everything go tight and for a few seconds he let his dick go a little deeper into his boyfriend’s mouth just before his eyes popped open as he came. Both of Mike’s hands had come up to Chester’s hips, and in the seconds of his orgasm, Mike was controlling Chester’s movements, which he’d brought to a complete halt while his mouth was filled with cum. 

The complete and total warmth that had consumed Chester slowly disappeared as he felt the loss of Mike’s mouth. Chester’s legs were locked, his back bent and his knees burning from the carpet as he stayed still. His body was hot and so was Mike’s under him as he turned his head and kissed his boyfriend’s naked thigh. “I love you,” he said, as he willed himself to move. It was a slow motion process, as he eased himself to the side, and twisted around to sit on his butt. He looked down at his lover's sated face and smiled. Mike looked like a pancake, flat on his back with his arms and legs spread out in every direction. “That was fun,” Chester said, playfully bumping Mike's leg. 

Mike licked his lips, then smacked them together before he smiled at Chester. “And I thought when I took Cheese out we were going to bed.” He closed his eyes for a moment, relishing in the fact that neither of them needed to immediately get up to clean up cum or lube. “You’re always finding ways to surprise me,” he commented sleepily. He could fall asleep right there on the floor of the closet, and might have, but almost as soon as he had the thought, he felt something warm and wet on his toes. Mike raised his head just enough to give Cheese the evil eye. “What is with this dog and my toes?” he whined, though he didn’t move. 

Chester was all smiles. “See? I’m not the only one who likes to lick toes.” He feathered his fingers over Mike’s nearby leg before he got up, slowly. He groaned as he did. “I think I’m out of practice with floor sex. I’m so spoiled, usually doing it in bed now.” He spun around and found his panties. They were wet, and he had no desire to pull them back on, even if they did match his socks. He stepped out of the closet, calling Cheese with him as he did. 

“Leave Sexy Boy alone, Cheesy Girl. He’ll get up in a minute.” He tossed his panties into the hamper and went to the dresser to fish out a black pair of underwear. If they were at the campus apartment, he would have slipped under the sheets naked, but they weren’t. Despite the months he’d been staying at Amir’s, Chester had kept that line of modesty. 

He walked the dog around to show her the pink leopard bed on Mike’s side. “Come on, lay down,” he coaxed her through a yawn as he crouched down. He patted her on the head and rubbed one finger under her chin before he stood up and looked into the closet. Mike hadn’t moved. “I’m going to pee and then I’m getting in bed, with or without your sexy ass,” he teased before he opened the door and stepped out into the darkened apartment. 

With a groan, Mike rolled over. “I’m up, I’m up.” He sat up, scratching his fingers through his hair. Unlike Chester, he didn’t need to go to the bathroom. He dragged his boxers over from where they’d been discarded and slid them on, and stumbled his way over to the bed. Cheese stopped turning circles in her bed to look at him. “I know, good night, girl,” he said, rubbing behind her ears quickly before he pulled back the blanket and sheets and climbed in. It had been a satisfying night of cheese crackers and an unexpected orgasm, and Mike was ready to pull Chester against him and fall asleep. Tomorrow was Saturday, which meant he had nowhere to be and they could sleep in if they wanted.

He was thinking about breakfast when Chester came back to bed. Mike watched him quietly shut the door, and he lifted the blanket to let Chester scoot in next to him. “Let’s go have donuts in the morning,” he halfway asked, halfway demanded as he snuggled his face into Chester’s neck.

Mike was planted behind him, and Chester’s eyes were already closed. His body was heavy, his mind on its way out, which was a nice feeling. He’d done enough worrying over Ryan and things he couldn’t control all day. Now it was time to pass out and think of things like donuts. “I want one with jam in the middle,” Chester mumbled. “Raspberry jam,” he amended. He heard Mike murmur something that sounded like he supported the idea, but then his boyfriend went silent, his arm around Chester’s waist slumping. 

A sleepy smile crossed Chester’s face. It always felt good to wear Mike out. “Goodnight, Sexy Boy,” he whispered, before nuzzling his face into his pillow. Donuts in the morning would be good. They could stop by their favorite shop on the way home, get coffee and donuts to go since they would have Cheese with them. They could go home and eat and then take showers before they would laze around the apartment without interruptions or responsibilities getting in the way. Weekends were Chester’s favorite days of the week, the days they got to spend completely together.

****

TBC


	16. Missed

Chester smiled into the bathroom mirror. His hair looked good, his chocolate brown curls behaving as they sat close to his scalp. Over the past few months he’d debated shaving them off a few times, simply to be done with their upkeep, but he knew his boyfriend liked them. So for now, they could stay. _And Forrest agrees. He says they make me look youthful. Whatever. I’m a grown ass man now._

Chester was far from his younger, eighteen-year-old self who had been bridled and bent and made to suffer under Mark Wakefield’s vision for younger models paired with more mature looking boys. It was one of the reasons Chester had been partnered with Ryan. Ryan never looked like the _barely eighteen_ type. Between his natural build and his dark scruff that always put a few years on him, he’d always looked his age. 

_And now I get to, too. I’m not a fucking twink anymore. I’m way past that barely legal crap. I’m twenty-three. I’ll be twenty-four in just a few months._ He shoved his hand over his head and then down his face. He didn’t miss the lines around his eyes, and how they were becoming more prominent. Especially when he smiled. His eyes were deeper, like some of the light had been drained from him. The light of youth and hope and excitement. Life had worn him down, and that fact wasn’t lost on Chester. The thoughts that followed - worry over how long he could last being a model, what was he going to do once he was no longer of use to Score and Forrest Mullan, and did Mike still think he was sexy, even though he was getting older - all dropped from the forefront as his phone vibrated on the countertop of the vanity.

 **Ryan:** _Are you really wearing a tie? It’s a Christmas party. Ties sound way formal._

Chester grinned at Ryan’s message and then pulled his thin, red tie between his fingers. He’d picked out his outfit for the Score company Christmas party two weeks ago. Other than his red tie, he was head to toe in white - his pants, his belt, his tucked-in short sleeve dress shirt, even his socks and shoes were the color of snow. _Everything but the tie. And my panties._ He smirked at the mirror before he texted Ryan back.

 **Chester:** _It’s a little formal, but I want to match Sexy Boy. He’s wearing all black with a red tie and I'm all white with a red tie. We’re going for cute. Please tell me you’re wearing red and green XD_

He left his phone on the counter as he turned and tried to see as much as he could in the awful diamond shaped mirror. He put his hands on his buttcheeks, trying to see if his pants did his ass justice, and he decided quickly they did. 

**Ryan:** _No green. Or red. Mostly black. I won’t look like Mike though._

 **Ryan:** _I can’t believe Forrest is going to give us an award. What did he call it?_

Chester snatched his phone up to type. The week before when they’d been called into Forrest’s office to be told they were going to get to stand up at the Christmas party for some special acknowledgement, it had made going to the office on a night-off perfectly okay to the two of them. 

**Chester:** _Something about us being the newest members of the team and that our ads have really boosted sales. I can’t remember what he called it. Recognition? Special Recognition._

 **Ryan:** _That was it. Wow. Crazy, isn’t it? Team Shuckington. We rock, Chazzy :)_

Chester busted into laughter the moment he read _Team Shuckington_. “He’s so funny,” he mumbled, and that was quickly followed by a sigh of relief. Even though Ryan had failed to show up to poker at Amir’s, claiming that something had suddenly come up, he seemed to be excited for tonight and Chester couldn’t wait. He was going to get to walk around the office all evening with Mike on his arm, and when the time came he would get to stand up with Ryan to be recognized for all their hard work and effort. Their value to the company. 

It was a big deal. 

He quickly texted Ryan back, saying he’d see him soon and then spun around to head to the bedroom. “Mike! You ready yet?” he asked, stepping into the bedroom. Cheese was by the bed, half chewing on her stuffed piece of cheddar and half watching Mike - and now Chester - as he entered the room. “Looook at you,” Chester swooned, ignoring their puppy who was up, and at his feet in a flash. Cheese was nowhere in his thoughts as he looked Mike up and down. His boyfriend wore black like a professional. His pants and tucked-in shirt looked fetching, and his bright red tie brought it all together. It was the dark version of Chester’s outfit, and that added an extra something special to it. “You look fucking sexy! All this black brings out your eyes,” he said as he went straight to his boyfriend. His arms snaked right around Mike's neck as they kissed before Mike could even say anything. 

“Mmmm,” Mike hummed when Chester pulled back, chasing his boyfriend to drop a few kisses down his neck. “I’ll never be as sexy as you,” he mumbled between pecks, his hands dropping to cup Chester’s ass. He squeezed gently, aware that at any moment Chester would push him away and claim he was wrinkling the all white outfit. He had to cop a feel while he could. 

It hadn’t been his idea to dress in all black, and Mike was glad he was executing the look as well as Chester had imagined it. He’d never look as slim as his boyfriend with his shirt tucked in, and even though it made him self-conscious, Mike had dutifully complied for Chester. Chester wanted them to match and Mike badly wanted to look good enough to be with his model boyfriend. He could imagine people wondering where Chester had dragged him up from when they saw them together, and he’d been worrying about having time to take his turn in the bathroom to try to tame his hair in the unforgiving mirror. Even though Chester thought he was sexy, and told him that every day, being around people who were paid to be sexy was different. 

Mike caught Chester’s lips for another kiss, taking an extra second to play with his lip ring before he pulled back and smiled. “This is going to be fun. I’m glad you picked black for me and white for you. I’d have a hard time keeping an all white outfit clean with all the food that’s going to be around. I hope it’s better than those weird tofu things we had last time I went to work with you.” He kept his hands on Chester’s small ass as he talked, already thinking about later. 

“Sexy Boy, please,” Chester said with a smirk, one eyebrow raising, “of course there will be tofu. Forrest and Talinda live by it. There will be alternatives though. There always are. And if not, we’ve got leftovers from last night’s pasta fest to come home to.” He didn’t wait. He leaned in for one more kiss - a soft, slow joining of their lips that included a little tongue and sucking on Mike’s pouty bottom lip Chester loved. The memory of the night before with the two of them sitting at their small kitchen bar and stuffing their faces with the three-cheese spicy baked spaghetti Chester had put together came to mind. Mike had gotten spaghetti sauce on his shirt, his pants, and his beard. The latter had been fun to tease him about, and Chester had stolen a kiss or two from it. It was a fun night, and they had plenty of spaghetti leftover if they came home from Score hungry. 

Their kiss broke, and Chester forced himself to step back. “Can’t do this much longer, I’m going to wrinkle,” he fussed as he wiped his hands down his shirt front. “And you could pull off white, but I agree; it’s easy to get dirty. Besides, I like black on you.” He reached and swiped Mike’s long bangs from his eyes. “My sexy dark horse.” 

“Is my hair okay?” Mike asked as soon as Chester touched it. “I was going to go try to do something to it. Make it look more presentable.” He copied Chester’s motions, patting down the front of his shirt and then adjusting his belt. “You look like a photograph and I’m over here like… well, I’m like a negative with an expansion problem.” He grinned at Chester. “I’m your opposite, if you gained about twenty pounds and let your hair grow out.” 

He stepped past Cheese and headed for the bathroom. In the back of his mind he was a little worried about leaving the dog behind all night. It would be the first time the two of them were away from her for so long. “Think she’s gonna be okay?” he called over his shoulder for at least the tenth time. 

Chester glanced down at Cheese. She was at his feet, but looking out the doorway as Mike disappeared into the bathroom. “You’ll be okay, right?” He tilted his head in thought. They were going to be gone for a handful of hours, but on a typical night, Cheese made it that long without needing out while they slept. “She’ll be fine,” he called as he followed his boyfriend. 

He stopped and leaned against the doorway of the bathroom. He waited, watching Mike fuss with his hair for a few seconds. “I think it looks nice,” he commented with a smile as Mike swiped his long bangs from one side and then the other. “And I could never - ever - pull off long hair. I had dreads when I was a teenager. Fuck that was a disaster. They were down to my shoulders!” he laughed as he rolled his eyes. “I call that my pre-fashion days.” 

Mike looked at Chester in the mirror. “Dreads? Seriously?” He had a hard time picturing his boyfriend with a head full of dreadlocks, and he squinted as he tried to imagine it. “I’m going to need to see a picture of that sometime. If one exists.” Mike focused back on his own reflection and decided to give up on his hair. It was going to be what it was going to be. It really only mattered how he looked to Chester, and Chester had deemed it just fine. “I guess I’m ready. I’m ready to go watch my hot model boyfriend get his award tonight.” Mike spun around and made sure not to mess up any of Chester’s clothes when he touched his arm. “I’m excited for you, babe.” 

Chester linked their hands, bringing Mike’s up to kiss the back of it lightly. “I’m excited, too. I know you weren’t around long enough to see it, but they give out awards for porn.” He stopped, the word _porn_ feeling awkward on his lips. “They have award shows and the whole bit. YRS won a bunch. I won. Mark kept all our trophies.” His eyes dropped to the tiled floor for a second before he went on. “He had them in his office, on one of the bookcases.” He waited, but the look on Mike’s face told him that he’d never noticed the golden trophies that were in the shapes of dildos, a handful of which had _Charlie Bang_ engraved on them. “I wonder what Jay did with all of them?” he wondered aloud before he shook the thought away. “I wouldn’t want them anyway. But whatever happens tonight, if it’s just words or something to put on the shelf...it means more. I’m really glad you’re going to be there with me.” 

Mike squeezed Chester’s hand. There was so much he could say in response to what Chester had just said. It had never occurred to him that there were awards for porn movies, but it made sense, now that it was mentioned. He had no doubts that Chester had won awards, but no part of him wanted to think about that in too much detail. The fact that those awards had also been won while he worked with Ryan also jumped to the front of his mind. “I’m glad I’ll be there, too,” he said, and he meant it. There was no reason to speculate on how many awards Chester had won with Ryan, what the after party of a porn award show looked like, or what Jason had done with a bunch of golden dildos. He didn’t want to think about YRS at all, but it was important to acknowledge what Chester shared, even if he hated the subject. “I bet you were the only reason YRS ever got awards. I bet they all had your name on them.” 

Chester smiled for a second. “Not even close.” He let go of Mike’s hand to check the time. “We need to get going. Are you ready? We should take Cheesy Girl out one last time and then get on it.” He plopped a kiss to Mike’s cheek before he turned around, calling for their tiny terrier, who was already at their feet, wagging her tail. 

“I’m as ready as I’m going to get.” Mike didn’t even look back at the mirror. “I’ll grab her harness and take her out if you’ll get the gate up. You’re much better at it than I am.” Chester went straight for the gate and then Mike was awarded with a great view of Chester’s ass as he bent down to lock it into place. Mike grinned. “I’m going to be with the hottest guy in the room tonight,” he said as he snagged the harness and then their puppy. “Come on, Cheese, I’m ready to get this party started.” 

****

Even though Christmas was still three weeks away, Score hadn’t missed the opportunity to make it feel like the big day was already happening. The gathering room was decorated with silver and gold tinsel looping around the windows, along with white lights and fake frost that made it look like snow was blanketing the city view. A full, eight foot tall tree had been brought in, decorated with red and gold ornaments and a Score logo tree topper. The snack table was double what it normally was, with punch and champagne at the ready along with petit fours of all shapes, decorations and flavors, and all from one of the finest bakeries in the city. There were delicate cucumber sandwiches, tofu and caramel apple bites, and chocolate covered cherries, each with a white chocolate S on the top. The main course would be brought out and served when it was time to sit down. The couches and chairs that usually occupied the space had been replaced with dozens of round tables, each covered in a sheer white tablecloth. It made the space a little tight, but manageable.

Classic Christmas songs wafted gently overhead as Chester led the way around the room, Mike on his arm. The massive posters of current Score models that hung on the far wall were now draped in tinsel and it made Chester chuckle just a little. _It’s like I’m a Christmas decoration._

He looked over at Mike, who looked nervous. “Hey,” Chester whispered, leaning close. “You okay? You’ve been here before. You already know everyone. There’s Talinda and Forrest,” he pointed out. “And you remember Elka from the front desk.” He nodded toward the shorter blonde woman who was wearing a sequin dress, her arm locked with a taller man in a suit. “That’s Adrian. Her husband. Nice guy, despite the bald head,” Chester whispered close to Mike’s ear.

“I’m fine,” Mike lied. He was a little anxious, and out of his element. He remembered meeting Elka briefly, and smiled in her direction. It was important to him that he make a good impression on the people he _hadn’t_ met yet, for Chester’s sake. He knew how much Score meant to his boyfriend, and he didn’t want to put even the slightest negative mark toward him. “Do you think they paid someone to decorate, or did Talinda do it?” he wondered quietly, looking around the room. 

“I don’t know. When we came in a few days ago, it looked like this.” He took a minute, inspecting the neatly hung tinsel and the very organized and symmetrical way the ornaments were hung on the tree. He nodded. “Talinda did it. I’d bet. It’s too neat to not be her.” He spotted Talinda headed towards the snack table and he tugged on Mike’s arm. “Come on, let’s go say hi.”

Chester was steering him closer to the food, and Mike was along for the ride. Everything looked yummy, and the thought that he’d grab something while they chatted with Talinda was a pleasant one. “They have those little cakes again,” he whispered to Chester with a giggle. “I love those.” 

Chester barely glanced at the table. “Get whatever you want, Sexy Boy. But remember they’re going to bring out a full meal in a bit. I think it’s supposed to be steak. Or roast beef. Or fish.” He scratched his head. “Or maybe it’s a choice.” His eyes shot right to Talinda, and he zipped the few steps to meet her. “Talinda, what are they serving for the meal? I can’t remember.” 

She sighed with an amused smile as she plucked a champagne flute full of punch from the table. “Roast beef. Or some kind of salmon.” She shrugged before she turned to give the couple a good look. “Don’t the two of you look smart. Chester, was this your idea?” she asked, motioning her drink between the two of them.

Chester grinned. “It was. Doesn’t Mike look handsome in black? He’s like a sexy villain.” 

Talinda smiled, her glass close to her painted lips. “Indeed,” she agreed easily before her attention stretched across the room. She tugged at one of her diamond earrings. “I don’t see Ryan.”

Chester turned to scan the crowd. “Me either. But I was texting with him not too long ago. He’ll be here. He knows it’s important.” 

“It is,” she stated, her tone all business. “He’s got a solo shoot lined up on Tuesday. He can’t be late for that,” she warned.

“I didn’t know he had a solo gig.” 

Talinda nodded. “It’s for one of our affiliates he did some work for while you were out with your ankle. It’s for jewelry.” 

Chester’s mouth dropped open. “Jewelry?” 

“He really did a great job for them last time. Men’s sunglasses, rings, watches. They love his look. It’s for Ezra Gold.” 

Chester gasped as he looked at Mike quickly, but his boyfriend didn’t seem to be impressed by the name drop. “Ezra Gold is huge,” Chester said. “I wanted to buy one of their rings once and it was eight-hundred dollars.” 

“They’re not cheap. Very top of the line in their industry, and they like Ryan.” She sighed as she looked around again. “He better not mess it up.” Before Chester could add in anything else, she spotted someone she needed to talk to. “Good luck later, Chester. I’ll see you both around. You look great.” She cupped her hand to Chester’s bicep and then she was gone, off across the room with her red heels clicking on the floor. 

“Her shoes match our ties,” Mike said with a head nod. “Is she always that fast? I didn’t even get to point out I’d noticed.” He pouted for a second when Chester nodded his head. “I guess I could mention it later.” He shrugged and popped the last bite of the cake he’d chosen in his mouth. _I’m only going to eat the one. I don’t want to be a pig, and there’s dinner soon. Both options sounded pretty good._ Mike looked over the table and decided that punch was in order for both of them. There were filled champagne flutes already waiting, and he leaned across to take two, holding one out to his boyfriend. “I definitely need to toast you as the hottest guy in the room,” he said, tipping his drink toward Chester’s. 

“Thanks, Mike,” Chester said as they clinked their glasses together and they both took a sip. “If I eat any of this stuff, I’ll never eat dinner.” He looked around to see people already sitting down, and the idea to grab a good place hit. He’d been working at Score long enough to know that his co-workers could be animals. When it came to picking seats, elbows could be thrown if they weren’t quick. “Want to pick a place to sit?” he asked, motioning around the room. Each table already had silverware and water glasses. “How about close to the tree?” 

Mike was quick to agree, and they headed that way. “I wish we had room for a tree,” he commented as they got closer. “I don’t think we can fit another thing in our apartment and not be on top of each other all the time.” He paused and lifted his eyebrow with a smirk. “Though that might not be a terrible thing.” 

“On top of each other is never a terrible thing,” Chester smirked, just as they got to the table. Chester stopped long enough to say hi to two of his fellow models - Shelly and Tania - both from the women’s line of Score. It was a quick hello and an introduction of Mike before Chester pulled his boyfriend’s chair out and offered for him to sit down. “We should save a seat for Ryan, too,” he said before he stopped, halfway between sitting and standing. “I mean, is that okay?” 

“Sure, he can sit on the other side of you.” Mike didn’t want to be in a position to have to talk to Ryan if he didn’t have to. The two of them hadn’t spent much time in each other’s company in the past months, and it occurred to Mike that he really hadn’t seen Ryan in a long time. He hadn’t even had to relinquish Chester to “Ryan nights” for so long he couldn’t remember the last time. He cleared his throat and offered Chester a smile. “It makes sense, you guys will be getting your award together. Go ahead and save that one for him.” 

There was no argument on Chester’s part. He sat down, and then dug his phone from his pocket. He left it on the table in front of Ryan’s chair, saving the seat. “Too bad I don’t have a jacket or anything. Oh well. I can be a feisty seat-saver.” He wrinkled his nose at Mike.

Mike’s hand went immediately to Chester’s thigh under the table, where he gave it a quick, hidden squeeze. “Feisty everything.” He threw Chester a cheeky smile and turned his attention back out to the crowd, who all seemed to be working their way toward places to sit for dinner. “How many of these people do you actually know?” he asked. They didn’t all look like models, and he knew that Score had a lot of behind the scenes people working for them as well. He remembered Forrest alluding to Chester being one of those behind the scenes people one day, and he wondered how much Chester knew about the other jobs in the company. 

Chester took a minute to think about the question. “I’d say...half,” he admitted honestly. “All the models. And Talinda and Forrest, of course. That’s Sophie,” he said, pointing to a petite brunette in a black dress, sitting with a few other people. “She’s Talinda’s assistant, which is kind of a joke. Talinda won’t let her do anything other than make copies. I don’t know. Maybe that’s what an office assistant does?” 

“Wait. I thought Talinda was Forrest’s assistant.” Mike narrowed his eyes in thought. “So the assistant gets an assistant? That sounds like a cushy gig to me.” He wondered what she got paid to make copies. _He_ could make copies, if that was all she did. 

“I’d never want to be Talinda’s assistant. I don’t care how much the job pays.” Chester shook his head before he gestured toward another table. “A few of them are on the creative team. I don’t know their names but I’ve seen them around. And that’s Jimmy and Karl, they run lights and cameras. Remember? You met them at the puppy shoot.” 

“Right.” Mike didn’t remember their names, but their faces were familiar. He watched them for a moment, but then the movement of the door caught his attention. He realized he was hoping it was Ryan, but it wasn’t, and he frowned, cutting his eyes back over to Chester. _He doesn’t seem all that worried yet. I swear, Ryan better show up._ Mike still wasn’t used to wishing that things between Ryan and Chester were better, when all he’d wanted for so long was for the two of them to be away from each other. _But tonight is important, and Ches will be so hurt if he’s not here._

He heard Chester talking about some of the other people in the room, but Mike was scanning the thinning crowd as more people sat down, thinking that maybe they had somehow missed Ryan. It became apparent as he checked over the unfamiliar faces that they hadn’t though, and dinner was getting closer. “So, will they do awards during dinner, or after?” he asked casually, wondering how much time Ryan really had left to show up. 

“I’m not sure,” Chester answered as he glanced around the room, trying to spot Ryan. People were sitting down, and he knew eventually their table would fill up, too. His leg was bouncing up and down under the table. “So what do you think? Roast beef or salmon?” he asked, trying to not look like he was staring out over his co-workers. 

Mike pondered the question for a moment. He was a fan of both, and it was hard to make up his mind without thinking about what would come with each. Roast beef would have potatoes, he was sure, and some sort of green vegetable. He was positive the salmon would have some sort of rice concoction and probably asparagus. “I don’t know what I’m in the mood for,” he mumbled, trying to make a decision. Mike looked around, wondering if any of the tables had been served yet so he could decide that way, but none had. He huffed out a breath and scratched the side of his face in thought. “I guess roast beef. Which do you want?”

“Salmon,” Chester answered. “I can make roast beef at home. Salmon is an art. Besides, I know the place that’s catering. I’ve had them before.” He flipped his hand through the air to specify _at Score_ before he went on. “They make a killer garlic asparagus.” 

“Oh.” Mike thought that over for a minute. “Well, maybe I’ll have salmon, too. Then we can have garlic breath together.” 

Chester smiled as he took Mike’s hand under the table. “That’s always fun.” He saw more people coming in the room and he quickly looked up, searching for Ryan. He waited, but he didn’t know any of them. He slumped back in his seat as he stared down at the table before he took his phone. “I’m going to text Ry. I’m sure he’s on his way.”

Mike nodded but didn’t say anything. He watched Chester tap around on his phone for a few seconds and set it down, right in front of him where he could see it. In his head he was mentally willing Ryan to answer so Chester could quit worrying about him, and so Mike could quit worrying about Chester. It was a helpless feeling, not knowing where Ryan was or if he was going to show up. He offered Chester his hand again, and smiled when their fingers slid together. “He’ll be here,” he reassured, even though he wasn’t sure. 

Chester popped his phone to life and stared at the blank screen. “I hope. He said he was coming. Why wouldn’t he show up?” He twisted to search Mike’s face for an answer. “He knows it’s important. Forrest told us.” 

There were a lot of reasons Ryan wouldn’t show up, but as Mike looked into Chester’s worried face, he couldn’t say any of them. “He wouldn’t miss it on purpose. You’ve got to relax, babe, you’re gonna make yourself sick.”

Even though they’d brought their punch to the table with them, Chester reached for his water glass. He could feel his stomach already feeling uneasy. He wasn’t sure if the salmon would sit well with him or not. He took a few sips before he left the glass on the table. “You’re right. He wouldn’t miss on purpose. He told me he was coming.” 

He checked his phone again, just as a couple asked permission to join the table. It would fill the seats, other than the one Chester was saving for Ryan. “Of course,” he told them with a soft smile. He recognized them both from the accounting department of Score. Or maybe it was human resources? He couldn’t remember, but he knew their names were Ken and Kerri. It was easy to start polite conversation as he kept Mike’s hand cradled in his own under the table, hidden away. 

Mike added polite bits to the conversation when needed, but the world of fashion was Chester’s realm. He smiled and nodded, and finished off his punch before a waiter came by the table to ask for their entree preferences. He decided to go with the salmon, after all, and not long after that waiter left, another came by with salads for the table. The silver dome came off each plate when it was placed, revealing a nice looking caesar salad with fresh grated parmesan on top. Mike tried to remember the last time he’d had a salad, and though he couldn’t remember, he _did_ know which fork to use. He let go of Chester’s hand and waited for everyone at the table to be served before he selected his fork. “Looks pretty good,” he said into Chester’s ear. 

“It does.” There was an oddly large number of tomatoes on his, but Chester decided that was okay. He liked fresh tomato on salad, especially when cheese was involved. Chester speared a few pieces of lettuce and some tomato, and with the house dressing that was lightly flourished over it, he couldn’t complain. He wasn’t the biggest fan of salad, but it was light and fresh and so he picked his way through it. 

Every few seconds his eyes flashed over to the door, but there was no Ryan. He kept tabs on Forrest, too. The boss was sitting down, Talinda at his right hand, as they ate. There was a projector screen at the front of the room that was playing a silent slideshow of Score’s popular line of clothing. Pants, sweaters, shirts, belts. Everything on racks and nicely placed backgrounds or on some of the other models, and then Chester saw a picture of him and Ryan. “Mike, look,” Chester whispered as he nudged his boyfriend’s arm. “It’s me.” 

Mike looked up at the screen, the image of Chester and Ryan in some of the same types of clothes he’d seen strewn all over the bed the night before they left for New York. There were thick sweaters and jeans, and stylish shoes on them both, set against a wintery backdrop. It was playful and cute, and Mike smiled and nudged Chester back. “You look so good!” 

It brought a smile to Chester's face to see the lighthearted pic from their trip to New York. That was before the night at the bar. The night Ryan had tried to kiss him. He couldn’t help to look past himself to Ryan. His bright blue eyes looked brilliant on the screen, and his smile was genuine. _Where is he? He’s missing all this._

Chester glanced at Forrest one last time before he picked up his phone. But there was no answering text. He left it on the table before he turned back to his food. He had just about enough salad. He’d managed about half of it, and he had to smirk when he looked over at Mike scraping the bottom of the crystal dish to get the last bit of lettuce and cheese on his fork. Chester set his fork down and picked up his punch instead. It was fruity and had a bit of bubble to it, and it was nice to sip while he watched the pictures flash over the screen. He heard Kerri and Ken debating a few of the items that popped up, recalling which ones had sold really well and they’d be bringing back next year, and which ones had flopped. It was interesting to listen to. As a model, Chester rarely ever found out which Score products brought in the most money. He had to grin to himself as a few of the jeans he and Ryan had modeled early on came up in the conversation. They’d been a hit. 

It was long and the main course was brought around as the salads were taken away. Chester stared down at his salmon and garlic asparagus. It smelled heavenly, even if his appetite wasn’t on ten. He looked over at Ryan’s empty chair. Even if his coworker showed up now, he wouldn't have a plate to eat. 

Chester sighed as he picked at his fish, watching it flake off as he did before he looked around the table. There was no ketchup, and he frowned. He scanned the room quickly. “Mike, do you see our server? I need some ketchup.” 

“On it,” Mike answered immediately, putting his fork back down. He hadn’t even had a bite yet, but years of shared meals told him that he wouldn’t enjoy his dinner as much if Chester didn’t enjoy his dinner, and there was no enjoyment without ketchup. 

Scanning the room, Mike watched the servers efficiently and methodically set down entrees in front of everyone. The table behind them hadn’t been served yet, and Mike knew that was his best opportunity to get someone’s attention. A few seconds later, the servers were back, and Mike made eye contact with one of them and lifted his hand as they walked between the tables. “Excuse me? Could we get a bottle of ketchup here at the table?” He made a motion between his hands, showing that he wanted a lot of ketchup. After the very polite answering “yes, sir,” Mike beamed at Chester. “On it’s way for you, babe.” 

“You’re the best,” Chester told him with a soft smile. “Have you ever put ketchup on garlic asparagus? It’s amazing.” He looked down at his plate for a second before he added, “and on the fish.”

Mike had a bite of fish on his fork already. “You would think after all these years I’d know you put ketchup on everything… but vegetables?” He smiled indulgently at his boyfriend. “I’ll try it,” he promised. “You better be careful with all that white on, ketchup could be disastrous.” The bite of salmon went in his mouth, and Mike had to fight to keep himself from closing his eyes in bliss at a table full of strangers. It was delicious. “Damn, that’s good.” 

Chester giggled lightly as he watched his boyfriend. “You’re so funny. And don’t worry about my white,” he said, gesturing over his front. “I’ll be fine.” He went to look for their waiter and his ketchup, but there was no need. The bottle was handed over, and Chester was quick to say thank you before he filled his plate with it. All over the asparagus, and then a blob to dip his fish in. “Ketchup on potatoes is really good,” he said before he handed the bottle over to Mike. “And on beans. Oh and peas,” he decided as he took a bite of fish and dipped it in ketchup. Mike was right. The salmon was good, and Chester ate two more pieces before he looked over at Ryan’s empty place. 

He sliced a piece of the asparagus in half and put it in his mouth. It was good, but his appetite was quickly fading to nothing. He left his fork on his plate and picked up his water to take a sip as he watched Mike gobble down his fish like he was starving. “I guess he’s really not coming,” Chester mumbled.

Mike looked over at the empty seat and then at Chester’s crestfallen expression. He’d really been hoping that Ryan would show up, even if he was late. But now that they were into the entree, he thought it would be even worse to arrive now. “I’m sorry, Ches,” he whispered, trading his fork out for his drink. “I wish I knew what had gotten into him that he’d be this way. But if you don’t know, I definitely don’t.” He sipped on his water thoughtfully and looked around the room again. “At this point, he’s so late he might just be embarrassed to come in, you know? Or maybe he got sick, or something. I’m sure he’ll have an explanation.” 

“Yeah.” Chester stared down at his food before he pushed his plate away. Over the last few months, Ryan had come up with a lot of excuses, but that’s all they ever amounted to. Excuses. _He used to not be like that. He’s always been one of the most dependable people I know. If I could count on anyone, it was Ry._ He sighed as he looked over at the unoccupied space. _I guess I can’t count on him. Not anymore._

“I wonder if Forrest has noticed,” Chester wondered aloud as he looked across the room, just in time to see the boss standing up. Forrest was decked out in dark green pants, a light tan dress shirt and a matching green suit jacket. On anyone else, it might look silly, but Forrest Mullan pulled it off. All the green brought out the brown in his eyes, hair, and mustache. He looked confident as he strode to the front of the room and reached for a microphone that Chester hadn’t even noticed. His hand reached for Mike’s leg under the table. “Here we go,” he whispered as he watched. 

Mike wasn’t sure if he was supposed to keep eating, but he wasn’t going to let his fish get cold. He reached under the table with his left hand to hold Chester’s so he could finish his food. It hadn’t escaped his notice that Chester had stopped eating, and in his head he silently cursed Ryan. _He knows how Ches gets when he’s upset. I can’t believe he’d talk all this time about being here and then not show up._ He stole a glance at Chester and then looked back up at Forrest. “This is exciting,” he decided as the boss started to speak. “I’m excited to see you get an award. You deserve it, babe.” He squeezed Chester’s fingers and then scooped up the last bite of his food, hoping there was going to be dessert, too. 

Chester only nodded to Mike’s comment. He stayed quiet, still, as he listened to Forrest address the room. The first ten minutes was exactly what Chester figured - a formal _thank you_ to every employee for their hard work over the past year, and a quick spiel about what was in Score’s future for the coming year. There was talk of numbers and new partners. It was all interesting to Chester, since it was the part of Score he never got to hear much about. The business side. 

All in all, it seemed like Forrest was pleased with how the last twelve months had gone. He named a few names - Wilma from accounting who was retiring and Bob in marketing who was leaving to make a cross country move in support of his wife’s career. They’d both be missed. 

“Sometimes people leave, and sometimes new faces come in,” Forrest was saying, and Chester sat up a little straighter in his seat. He knew Forrest’s speech was quickly headed toward him, Ryan, and a few other people who had joined the Score team over the last year. He squeezed Mike’s hand as more names were mentioned, most of which Chester didn’t know, at least not personally. He recognized the one person in passing, but the other two he’d never seen before.

A moment later Forrest was talking about Score’s young men’s line, and Chester frantically looked beside him, and then around the room. He hated to admit a part of him was still hoping Ryan would show up. 

But he didn’t. 

“For everyone who’s never met them in person, let’s give these two a round of applause for their great work on boosting Score’s sales for young men’s apparel by almost double. Chester Bennington and Ryan Shuck.” Forrest waved his hand out, motioning for his two models to stand, but he frowned when only one of them did. People clapped anyway, and Forrest - always the professional - went on like nothing was wrong. “Thank you,” he said, nodding towards Chester before he went on, clearing his throat and bringing up what was next for the evening. 

Mike squeezed Chester’s thigh again as soon as he sat down. He knew his boyfriend was upset, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. “Proud of you,” he whispered in Chester’s ear, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. Chester barely had time to acknowledge him as the others at the table offered their congratulations and smiles, and Mike watched Chester politely accept each one with an answering smile that only looked genuine if it wasn’t scrutinized too closely.

Before long Forrest was finished, and the servers started clearing entree plates. Mike was glad he’d finished, or they’d be taking half his food away. Chester had gone quiet next to him, and Mike decided that sitting at a table full of strangers wasn’t the time to get into anything about Ryan. Dessert was on the way, and he was looking forward to the chocolate cheesecake he’d selected, even though Chester had turned his down. _Maybe he’ll drink the coffee. There’s already cream and sugar on the table. Those little silver pitchers of cream are cute._

The sound of Forrest’s voice caught Mike’s attention, and he looked up to see him standing on the other side of Chester. Mike sat back in his seat to get a clearer view of the man’s face, and to try to hear what he was saying now that he’d leaned closer to Chester’s other ear. 

“I know dessert is on the way,” Forrest whispered. “But I need to see you in my office, Chester, for a moment. Please.” He gently squeezed Chester’s shoulder before he straightened back up and headed toward the back of the room to get to the connecting hallway. 

Chester hadn’t even had time to agree, and he knew there was no need to. He’d been asked, so he needed to go. He looked at Mike. “I’ll be right back. He wants to talk to me.” He stood up, smiled at everyone around the table, and then excused himself. 

Mike didn’t sit by himself long before dessert was presented. The chocolate cheesecake had a little flower of whipped cream on the top and chocolate shavings, and there was chocolate sauce drizzled over the slice and the plate. It looked amazing, and Mike didn’t hesitate to pick up his fork and dig in. It was creamy and Mike recalled the night he and Chester ordered cheesecake in Long Beach, and the discussion they’d had about whipped cream. It brought a smile to his face, and even though he knew Chester would definitely not be in the mood tonight, he decided that soon they needed to buy the can of spray whipped cream they’d talked about before. He ate his cheesecake and thought about licking whipped cream off of Chester’s nipples for a moment, until he realized those weren’t the best thoughts to be having at the table.

He finished his cheesecake and picked up his coffee that had been poured a few minutes earlier. It was still steaming hot, the way he liked it, and Chester’s cup was sitting right next to him. He decided to go ahead and fix it just the way Chester wanted, with cream and lots of sugar, so it would be ready when he got back. _It shouldn’t take long. I’m sure Forrest just wants to know where Ryan is… not that Ches knows._ He stirred the coffee to the perfect color and sat back to wait.

Chester stepped into the hallway, to see Forrest waiting for him, just outside the great room. They could still hear everyone talking and the clink and clatter of forks and glasses. Nothing was said between them as Chester followed Forrest’s quick pace. 

They entered Studio A, crossed the room and Forrest opened the door to his office. Chester barely glanced around. It was the same studio where they did most of their photo shoots. The same studio where he and Mike had first met Cheese. But none of that mattered as he stepped into the medium sized space that Forrest used as his private sanctuary when he was at work. Normally Chester found himself following the boss around the building when something was on his mind. Forrest loved to walk and talk, but not tonight. Instead he sat down behind his desk, and motioned to one of the two padded chairs sitting in front of it. “Have a seat.” 

For a few seconds Chester was reminded of the many lectures he’d endured from Mark as he sat in the YRS office. He hesitated, until he looked around. Forrest’s office was nothing like Mark’s. The desk was smaller, the chairs less fancy. Framed posters of Score Clothing ads were on the walls, not x-rated pieces of artwork. There was a laptop on Forrest’s desk, and actual paperwork, including a few sketches for clothes. The light blue drawings that were numbered and diagramed caught Chester’s eye as he sat down. He wanted to ask to see them, but stopped when he heard Forrest call his name. He looked up to see his boss watching him intently. 

“You’re not in trouble,” Forrest said first, and he saw the physical reaction come from Chester - a sigh of relief, a relax in his shoulders. “Chester, do you know where he is?” 

“No. I wish I did. He told me he was coming.” 

“Is there a reason he wouldn’t show up?” 

Chester stayed quiet for a minute, thinking about the question. There had always been reasons to not show up at YRS events. But Score was different, and that was something he and Ryan had always 100% agreed about. “No,” Chester answered with a hard swallow. “He loves working here.” 

“He hasn’t been showing it lately,” Forrest cut in, his tone sharp. “When I hired the two of you, he had just as much potential as you.” He flipped his hand towards Chester. “He was handsome and bright and very polite to everyone. Respectful.” Forrest pursed his lips. “But all of that has been changing over the last six months. You two were very close and now…” Forrest shook his head before he asked, “Is it drugs?” 

Chester gasped. “No. No, Ry wouldn’t do drugs.” It was ingrained in Chester’s character to not give up personal information about his friend, especially if it was something negative. But it seemed like the time to stay quiet was over. If this kept up, he knew Ryan would be out of a job. And maybe Chester would be, too. They were hired as a team after all. “I know he’s been drinking a lot lately,” he said, hating that he was admitting that to their boss. “He didn’t take the break up with Jason very well and I think he’s, you know, mourning it.” 

Forrest leaned forward, his hands neatly folded in front of him. “Six months seems like a long time to be heartbroken.” 

“It’s complicated. He and Jason went through a lot together and then the break up was sudden and Jason’s in Seattle now and…” Chester trailed off, his thoughts drifting to the gloomy city he hated before Jason’s face popped into his mind. Six months was a long time to still be nursing a broken heart. _I wish Jay was still here. Maybe he could talk some sense into Ryan before it’s too late._

The thought surprised him, and he tensed. “I don’t know how to help him,” Chester admitted, his voice shaking.

Forrest got up and rounded his desk. He turned the other chair towards Chester and sat down, leaving them almost face to face. He cupped Chester’s forearm gently. “You’re a good friend to him,” he said first because he knew Chester needed to hear it. “But don’t let him drag you down. We all have our limits, Chester. I know you care about him, but you can only do what you can do. I know Talinda’s gotten close to him, too. I haven’t missed her concern over his recent behavior. I don’t want to see the two of you get hurt.” 

Chester nodded as he watched Forrest pat his arm and then stand up. “Let’s go back to the party, shall we? I hear they’re serving cheesecake for dessert.” He buttoned his suit jacket as he headed for the door. He glanced over his shoulder to see his model still in his seat, staring at the floor. “Chester? Mike is waiting.” 

“I know,” he whispered as he stood up and took a deep breath before he went to follow his boss. 

“And I must say, you both look very nice in the matching outfits,” Forrest commented as they exited together, and this time they were walking side by side. “He seems to care about you a lot, Chester.” 

“He does.” 

“I know when we first met I told you I was worried about him causing trouble.” Forrest glanced over to catch Chester’s eyes. “But he’s proved me wrong. It takes a special relationship to withstand the model lifestyle. Not everyone can handle it. I can’t tell you how many marriages crash and burn in this industry because of jealousy or unfaithfulness. But you and Mike seem to be handling it very well. I’m always happy to see him around our humble office.” 

Chester grinned. “He likes coming to visit. It’s so different than what he’s used to.” 

Forrest patted Chester on the shoulder just as they rounded the corner and stepped back into the great hall. “I think I’d like to go tell your Mike hello before I wander off to make my final rounds of the night.”

“He’d like that,” Chester said, a better feeling crossing his stomach as they headed towards the table. He could already see his boyfriend, enjoying the coffee and the dessert. Ryan’s chair was still empty, and Chester frowned for a second. He had no idea where his friend was, and he had no idea what to do about it. 

****

When Jason parked his Jaguar in the parking garage on Friday night, it came with the surprising realization of how restless he felt. It had been a great week at work, and there had been nobody to tell. Nobody to celebrate with, or even to tell him to calm down when things got exciting. He’d spent every night on the couch with a glass of wine and the cat wedged between his leg and the cushion while he congratulated himself for the day’s successes. Blue snuggled up to him and certainly approved of him, but it wasn’t the same as having someone to share it all with - the empowering feeling of being so competent and in control at work, without any strings attached or peace to keep. It felt good to not be second guessed, put down, or ordered around. 

He felt light years away from his role at YRS. The more he opened up in his therapy the easier those memories became, the easier thoughts of Mark became. Jason had defended Mark to the very end, and even past that. Despite his transgressions, deep down Jason still believed that Mark had loved him. Whether it was true or simply made his past easier to bear, he didn’t know. He saw the skeptical look in Dr. Gibson’s eyes when Jason glossed over the abuse. There was always a way to explain how Mark hadn’t meant to hurt him, and he had only touched on some of it - sex against his will, slaps to the face. He hadn’t mentioned his broken wrist, the black eyes, the bone bruises. It was easier to talk about the emotional abuse and Mark’s control issues than to admit he’d been afraid to leave. He was taking baby steps to stop taking the blame for all Mark did to him, to realize he really was his own person. 

That transformation had started in L.A., but there his confidence had been built around the victory of seducing Mike. Before he’d been able to really regret what he’d done to the relationships between the four of them he’d had to be able to call it what it was. It was a tough pill to swallow, but _seducing Mike_ and _stealing Mike_ were the terms he’d finally accepted, to Dr. Gibson’s approval. They were ugly phrases, but it was important for him to stop making excuses for what he’d done. Little by little he’d let go of the excuses for taking Mike and faced the reality of how he’d lost Ryan. Eventually he’d be able to talk about the punches, the rape, the infidelity, and stop making excuses for Mark, too… but not yet. He wasn’t ready to admit how Mark had chipped away at his self esteem for years, self-esteem that was just now becoming strong again.

None of that mattered when he stepped off the elevator and into his apartment. Mark was far from his mind as he breezed through the apartment, feeding Blue and telling her about the big graphic design project that had been presented to a client today. Jason was almost giddy as he swapped his work attire for khakis and a light blue sweater, a color he subconsciously knew Mark had loved on him. Having his clients gush over the work his team completed gave him the same feeling he’d had when Mark complimented his work. Talking to Blue about it was good, but Jason wanted more tonight. 

He hadn’t been out since he moved to Seattle, and he finally felt like he could stand to be around people. Not for a date, or even conversation, but just to re-enter the world that existed on Friday nights - the dim lighting, the soft music, the sounds of other people talking. Jason hadn’t experienced going out to eat alone in Seattle, and he was ready to give it a try tonight. Glancing in the mirror, he ran his hands over his hair, messing it up a bit in the front to give it a more casual, laid back look before he shook his head at himself. Laid back wasn’t a term he could ever recall hearing used as a descriptor for himself. It didn’t matter. He was determined to check out the Seattle nightlife tonight, or at least the nightlife that was within walking distance of the apartment. He’d lived there long enough, it was time to stop feeling sorry for himself for being alone and get to know the neighborhood a little better.

With a quick scratch under Blue’s chin, Jason told her goodbye and headed out. When he got downstairs and stepped out into the crisp evening air, he stood next to the apartment building, undecided on which way to go. He tugged at the cuff of his v-neck sweater, straightening it over his watch and pulling it down over the break in his wrist. The soft knit was a different feel from his stiff and pressed dress shirts, and he still wasn’t used to the change in attire from L.A. 

That was all it took for thoughts of home to come. _L.A... with all the sunshine. I miss having a garden. That was the best part of our house. I loved the flowers. They were easy to keep alive. Even the ones out by the pool. They made that whole area smell so good._ Thoughts of YRS didn’t make his palms damp anymore or turn his stomach. He almost felt nostalgic. _And Ry. I miss Ry. He’d listen to me talk and take my hands._ Jason could easily imagine the shade of his ex-boyfriend’s eyes, the complete interest Ryan would look at him with. _He’d be encouraging tonight. I’d tell him all about it and he’d be proud of me._

Jason looked up and across the street. _I should have been more encouraging of him. I should have listened better._ Memories of all the stolen conversations they’d had, hidden away in quiet rooms of his home, drifted over his mind and pinched at his heart. He missed Ryan more than he’d admitted to himself. The sudden realization dampened his mood considerably, and he almost turned around and went back inside, his little bit of adventurous spirit gone with the loneliness that had taken hold. Almost. 

In his view across the street, a man in a black leather jacket caught his eye, and it made Jason’s heart jump in his chest. He couldn’t see the man’s face from this distance, or even his profile, but he seemed to be roughly the same height as Ryan, with the same dark hair. A sharp memory of Ryan saying he’d almost come to Seattle to find him, a memory from the night they’d made love in the L.A. airport hotel, hit him. Even though he hadn’t talked to Ryan in months, and he knew it was irrational, Jason’s heart wanted the man across the street to be Ryan Shuck. He didn’t know how badly he wanted that until it was almost a reality.

The man started walking uptown, and Jason couldn’t help but start his walk in that direction. _I know it’s not him. But what if it is him? What if he came here to find me? He wouldn’t even know where to look!_ A bit of panic crossed Jason’s mind, and he forced himself to be more rational. _He’d text me. Wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t come all this way and just give up. I know it’s not you, Ry, but he looks so much like you from here._

Jason kept his eyes on the stranger across the street and followed him until he disappeared behind a swanky glass door. He glanced up at the neon sign over the establishment. It was a wine bar, a place called _Crush_ , and even though he’d known all along the stranger wasn’t his ex-boyfriend, watching him voluntarily walk into a wine bar was practically confirmation. The little spark of hope he’d carried with him for four blocks went out just like that, and Jason dropped his head. 

He hesitated on the opposite side of the street, debating whether or not he wanted to go inside. _It will be fine. I wanted to get out, and I’m out. This is probably better than a restaurant anyway. If I’m not feeling it, I’ll just have one glass and go. Like a trial run. It looks nice enough. I could just sit at the bar instead of getting a table._

Somehow he managed to get his emotions under control enough to cross the street and go inside. He instantly liked the strings of industrial light bulbs zig zagging across the ceiling, the soft glow of the interior despite the dark gray walls and polished concrete floor. One whole side of the room was glass windows, the other lined in floor to ceiling curtains in a purple so dark they were almost black. There were plush tufted white chairs around tables for two or four draped in white cloths, and a long white bar with high backed padded bar stools. It seemed like a lot of white in a place where tipsy people held glasses of red wine, but Jason liked it anyway. He looked away from the stranger, who up close didn’t resemble Ryan at all, and who was leaning in to kiss the blonde woman he’d met. 

Jason didn’t need to see any more. He nodded to the hostess and took a seat at the end of the bar, taking the wine menu in hand. It was extensive and it took Jason a minute to find what he was looking for. He chose a Shiraz, and ordered a charcuterie board to accompany it after glancing over the selection of different cheeses, meats, olives, and fruits. If nothing else, he was going to enjoy a new wine, and if he got through that glass and still felt okay, he’d order another. It was all just a test, anyway, and Jason told himself that being out of the apartment for once was a good thing, despite the hollow feeling in his chest that lingered after the possibility of Ryan being in the bar was gone.

He looked down at his left hand while he waited for his glass. For so long he’d worn Mark’s ring, then Ryan’s. The vacancy on his fourth finger seemed more pronounced tonight. _I wonder what he’s doing. I’m sure he’s found someone else by now. He’s too good looking, too sweet, to be alone for long. He probably doesn’t even think about me. I don’t blame him. I know I broke his heart. I wish he knew how sorry I am._ Jason looked up with a polite smile when the bartender flicked down a deep purple cocktail napkin and set his red wine glass on top, the small wooden board of bite sized treats at the side.

By the time Jason got to the bottom of the glass most of the meat and cheese was gone, and he picked at the olives. They didn’t taste the way he expected, and he used the small knife on the board to roll one back and forth, debating another glass of wine. He’d just about made up his mind to ask for his check when the bartender whisked away his empty glass and replaced it with another. “Oh, I think you’re mistaken.” Jason pointed at the full glass. “I was about to ask for the check.”

“This one is from me,” a smooth voice said as a man slid into the seat next to him. Jason hesitated to reach for the glass, glancing at his new companion. The stranger was dressed well, having obviously come to the bar straight from work in his dark gray slacks and white button-down shirt with pink pinstripes. He caught Jason’s eyes in the dim lighting and smiled as he leaned a little closer, his voice a little lower. “Go ahead. I took care of your first one as well, so this one’s no different.” He sat back in the barstool and offered his hand. “Alexander. And who do those beautiful eyes belong to?”

Jason felt the involuntary flush over his cheeks. He took Alexander’s hand. “Jason.” He didn’t miss the way Alexander’s hand lingered over his. “Thank you for the wine,” he added, pulling his hand back and picking up the glass. It had been a long time since he’d tried to make small talk with a stranger. He stalled, taking a sip while he looked over the other man’s silver streaked dark hair and the faint laugh lines around his mouth. Alexander was clearly older, and attractive, but Jason wasn’t interested. 

“You looked like you had a lot on your mind,” Alexander offered, raising his glass toward Jason. “Maybe you’d like to forget about it for a while.” He was quick to notice Jason’s furrowed brows and the way he looked down into his own wine glass instead of answering. “Indulge me, at least long enough to finish your wine. Tell me, Jason, what do you do?”

“I’m in graphic design,” Jason said vaguely, then took another drink. He wasn’t exactly in the mood for the banter, the slow back and forth revelation of information. It would lead to Alexander suggesting that maybe he’d like a third glass, and then offering to take Jason home. _Or back to his place. Mark did that when I hesitated. I didn’t want him to see my rat-hole apartment and he offered up his mansion instead. And I never left._ Jason blinked away the memory. “And you?” he asked, hoping to get the focus off of himself.

“Advertising.” Alexander threw Jason a wink. “I write the lines that make people fall in love with products they didn’t even know they wanted.”

Jason shifted on the barstool and looked past Alexander at the exit. Just the confident tone of the other man’s voice erased any idea of entertaining their conversation for long. Alexander was the type of man used to getting what he wanted, and it seemed he’d set his sights on Jason for the evening. “So you’re the reason everyone has those silly round robot vacuums.” He hadn’t meant to flirt back, but the comment popped out before he could stop himself. He watched Alexander laugh, and a very small part of him was satisfied that he’d been clever until he realized this man probably would have laughed at anything he said. 

“I’m not directly responsible for those, no, but I’m sure I know whoever is.” Alexander sat down his glass and turned a little more toward Jason. He was bold enough to drape his arm over the back of Jason’s barstool like he had the right. “So you didn’t tell me what you were drinking,” he said, his voice low so Jason would have to lean in to hear him. 

“Shiraz,” Jason answered. “It’s my boyfriend’s favorite.” He shot Alexander a smile and tipped his glass back. There was no way for this man to know that he was single, and that Ryan had never really liked wine. It didn’t matter, and Jason was surprised at how easily he’d been able to mention Ryan despite the hard reality that he was telling a lie.

“Boyfriend. Of course.” Alexander straightened up in his seat, slowly moving his arm back into his own personal space. “It didn’t seem likely someone like you would be unattached, but you can’t blame me for trying.” He patted down the front of his shirt and stood up. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Jason.”

Jason kept the relief off his face. He had years of practice hiding his emotions. “You as well. Thank you again for the wine.” He turned his attention back to his glass, and realized he didn’t have to finish it. There had been enough stepping out of his comfort zone for the night. 

He waited until Alexander disappeared into the hallway that probably led to the restrooms to make his escape. The air outside didn’t feel as refreshing as it had when he’d started his adventure an hour ago. It was still early, but Jason was finished with the single Seattle nightlife. There had been enough meaningless conversation in the short exchange he’d had with Alexander. He had to remind himself to be proud he’d even tried to go out on his own. _And the first time I do, there’s some overly-confident man trying to buy me for the evening._

The walk back to the apartment was quick and Jason went straight inside to take a shower, hoping the dirty feeling he had could be scrubbed away with soap and water. Blue was nowhere to be found when he walked into the apartment, and Jason went straight into the bedroom, pulling his sweater over his head as he walked. He tossed it into the hamper, took off his watch, and laid it on the dresser. It was the last tangible reminder of Mark he owned, having systematically removed every trace of his late husband from his life over the past months. But Jason just couldn’t part with the black Rolex Mark had gifted him the night they married. Like most memories of that time in their relationship, everything had been glitz and glamour between them, and even now Jason still thought that Mark had really loved him at that point. It was hard to believe it was all manipulation. 

Usually he pushed that all away, but on this night he allowed the memories to come while he started the shower, grabbed a towel, and shed the rest of his clothes. He tried to look at the memories through the lens of his therapy; to recognize all of Mark’s actions when he was young as the beginning of the emotional abuse and control his husband had exerted throughout their marriage. No matter how hard he tried, there was still a part of him desperately clinging to the idea that he’d been more than a trophy husband. Thinking that he had made it so easy for Mark to mold and shape him into a person who couldn’t stand up for himself was too hard. Jason sighed as those painful memories gave way to thoughts of Ryan. For years Ryan had been the only part of Jason’s life he’d been in control of, and even that had been a lie. _I never did the right thing by you, Ry. I dealt with all of this too late to save us._

As the water cascaded around him from the rainfall showerhead, Jason let himself indulge in imagining Ryan with him in Seattle. He could easily visualize his lover against the sleek masculine backdrop of the apartment - lounging on the couch, sitting at the bar, laying in the soft gray sheets of the bed - and it wasn’t the first time he’d fantasized about them being together. He washed his hair thinking about Ryan’s hands in his hair, then on his body, letting his thoughts linger over the memories that were still sharp and clear. When he turned the water off, he toweled off quickly and picked up his laptop on the way to the bed. There were hours and hours of video of only Ryan in a file on his computer, and tonight he couldn’t resist. _I’ll just watch a few minutes. I just miss him so much._

Before he’d even finished propping his pillows behind him, Blue was at his side, curling up on the empty side of the bed next to him. “Where have you been?” he murmured as he settled in, flipping open his laptop and putting his attention on the screen. The cursor moved efficiently, opening Ryan’s file and then clicking to a clip he’d watched over and over.

Jason watched as a scene room came into view. He had been setting up lighting when Ryan wandered in, offering to “help.” Ryan was in tight black jeans with rips across the knees and a white muscle shirt with some print on the front that Jason didn’t give two seconds of thought to. He followed Ryan around the room with the camera, flirting, asking his lover to pose on the bed while he filmed.

 _”Ry, turn on your side. Your face to the window.”_

Jason watched the laptop screen as the shot slowly pulled in closer on Ryan’s upper half, his face, his skin softened by the light and his eyes pale blue. He could feel his heart pounding. He knew what was next. The frame stilled and then he saw himself - a relic from the past with his long, floppy hair - cross in front of the camera and kneel on the floor next to the bed. There wasn’t even a second’s hesitation as Ryan leaned toward him, one hand smoothing into the back of his hair as they kissed. It was risky and they both knew it, but Jason remembered that Mark had been occupied elsewhere, and he’d been willing to put his good sense aside to steal a moment with his lover. 

_Look at me,_ he thought as the Jason on screen slowly stood up and turned to open the curtains a little more, a giddy smile on his face. That feeling of breaking the rules, of secretly defying Mark, showed in his expression. _And Ry… he looks like he just won the lottery._

Jason closed his eyes for a moment. He wasn’t going to let this indulgence spiral his mood into self-hatred and pity. It was dangerous to watch these videos, and he knew that, but it didn’t stop him from centering his thoughts and clicking on another one. It was less intimate than the one he regularly viewed, and there were others in the video, not just Ryan. Jason watched it and then clicked two more before opening a file he hadn’t viewed in months.

It was a view of the YRS pool, accompanied by the shrieks and hollers of the boys in the background. Jason had mostly finished his promo work and was just letting the camera roll, filming everything happening around him as Ryan came up to the table he was sitting at. Water ran in tiny rivers down his bare chest and dripped from his messy hair as he came to sit down across from Jason.

Ryan shoved a hand through his dripping black hair before he looked around. No one was paying them any attention. “I was going to wrap myself up in a towel, but I didn’t know if you were done taking pictures.” 

“No towels,” Jason answered immediately. “I can look at you and not have to watch myself. I wish I could get in the water with you.”

Ryan glanced out over the pool. There was a lot of splashing around, a lot of water toys changing hands as everyone goofed off. He looked back at Jason and pulled his chair a little closer to the table, leaning forward. “Maybe we can go for a night swim sometime? Just us.” He wanted to reach out for his lover’s hand, but he knew that was too risky. There would be none of that in broad daylight, in front of everyone. Mark could be lurking at any window over their heads. Watching. 

Jason covered his smile with his hand. “A _naked_ night swim,” he whispered. “Could you imagine? How crazy that would be?” He could see the amusement in Ryan’s eyes while they both pictured the scenario in their heads. “I’d be all in for that.” He dropped his hand back to his lap and looked around the pool, keeping tabs on everyone. “I have no idea how we’d manage that, but it would be fun.” 

Ryan sat back in his seat. He and Jason had been keeping their affair on the down low for over two years. He was an expert at looking casual, like he and Jason were discussing what was for dinner or shooting schedules. “I wasn’t exactly thinking _naked_ ,” Ryan said from the side of his mouth, trying not to smile. “But I’d never deny you what you want.” He cocked his eyebrow Jason’s way, and couldn’t help the grin that shot across his face when Jason blushed and smiled, looking away. “And, I don’t know, maybe one night when _he_ takes his pills or if _he_ goes out one night. It would be fun,” he mused softly. “We can float around, holding hands and get in lots of drippy, wet kisses.” 

It was hard not to reach out and touch Ryan’s leg under the table, but Jason kept control of himself. Even under the table wasn’t out of sight enough. “It’s the first thing on our to-do list the next time he’s out,” Jason promised. “Well, maybe the second thing.” He laughed softly, trying not to look at Ryan through his lashes with a flirty smile. His eyes darted around the pool again and then back to his lover. “I wish you could just stay over here with me. It gets lonely watching you out there having fun and I’m stuck over here all business in these pants.” Jason rolled a hand down his body, pointing at the dark blue pants and striped button-down shirt he was wearing while he worked.

Ryan’s shoulders slumped a little. “I know. I know I shouldn't be over here.” He turned his chin toward the pool. “If it was up to me, I’d stay here with you and your business clothes.” A moment later he heard the unmistakable sound of Mark’s booming voice. It would be a matter of seconds, and the boss would be poolside. Ryan stood up, both his hands planted flat on the table between him and Jason, the house and Mark’s voice behind him. He leaned down, his lips curling to a soft smile. “I love you,” he whispered. He made eye contact with Jason for a split second, and Ryan’s heart fluttered at the dark color and the world he knew was behind the eyes he loved - a world where he and Jason belonged to each other. A world where they were free. He dared to reach over and barely skim his fingers over the top of Jason’s hand, before he headed back to rejoin the other boys.

Jason paused the video, remembering the feel of Ryan’s touch and the look, the promise in his eyes. His heart pulled at the memory, and he found himself replaying those five seconds again, just to hear the clandestine “I love you” from his lover’s lips. Even though he’d heard Ryan say it hundreds of times over the course of their relationship, there was something special about that moment. The sparkle in Ryan’s blue eyes was different. The video was before Mike signed on, before Seattle, before things unraveled. Later that same night the two of them shared hasty kisses in the editing room before Ryan went to bed, and it wasn’t two weeks later when the opportunity to share the hot tub together naked presented itself. In that videoed moment, the two of them were securely wrapped in their fantasy of how things would be once Jason escaped from Mark, and it showed on Ryan’s face. _And none of it turned out that way._

He felt the heaviness lodge in his stomach and Jason exited the video, closed the file folder, and snapped the laptop closed. It was enough for one night. Any more and he wouldn’t be able to climb out of the mental hole he’d dug himself. As he started to berate himself for going out, for giving some sleazy guy the opportunity to talk to him, Jason sat up in the bed and shook his head. “No,” he said out loud, firmly. “That wasn’t my fault. I didn’t invite him to talk to me, and I didn’t go with him. That’s not who I am anymore.” 

It took a few more minutes for his pulse to slow, and for the negative self talk to turn around to something more affirming. Jason knew Dr. Gibson wouldn’t approve of him watching the videos, knowing that his state of mind was still fragile. _But it’s fine. I stopped. And maybe next time I won’t need to watch them. I know I need to stop watching them. But I miss him so much._ Even though he knew the desire to talk to Ryan wouldn’t come to fruition, Jason wished he could tell him that he was sorry. _And that I’m better, and I’m trying so hard. I wish it wasn’t too late for us. I wish I wasn’t too late._ He flipped off the light and settled into the pillows, one against his back, and tried to shut off his thoughts completely. He knew if he didn’t, he’d dream about Ryan all night. 

****

Not far from Rob’s apartment, Ryan sat with Samantha O. in a dive pizza bar. The tan vinyl covered bench seats were ripped, the restaurant clouded in smoke and the sound of people drinking way too much. And Ryan wasn’t an exception. His black leather jacket was hanging on him as he sat slouched at the table, Sam next to him. It was loud, and the greasy pizza they’d only eaten half of was still on the table, looking soggy. Ryan’s mug of beer was half empty. It was number three since they’d sat down to eat. 

He shut his eyes for a minute, trying not to listen to whatever Sam was saying. Part of him couldn’t believe he’d opted to come to _Tony’s_ instead of going to the Christmas party at Score, but another part of him knew he was never going to go to that party in the first place. The day had already been filled with enough _partying_ , and when the time came to get dressed, to head to the high-end office, to smile and shake hands and have polite conversation with everyone, Ryan just couldn’t do it. 

He scratched the side of his face. His usually well-trimmed scruff was past scruffy. He knew he needed to trim it down, but he hadn’t managed that either. He was trying hard not to think about Chester, or the disappointment that his friend was feeling right now. He’d already ignored two texts from him, and three from Talinda. They were waiting, expecting him to show up so he could stand next to Chester and accept praise from their boss for their hard work all year. Their contribution to Score Clothing. 

Ryan just didn’t have it in him. Not today. Even though he’d picked out an outfit and had told Chester and Talinda he was going, the gumption to actually do it wasn’t there. He rolled his head and cracked his eyes open to see Sam rambling about all the smoke. It was messing up the curl in her hair. Or something. Ryan couldn’t quite follow it. He stared for a minute at how puffy her lips looked at that angle as they sat side-by-side in the booth. Her nails - painted dainty pink today - looked extra long, like she could easily scratch his eyes out. For real. 

He rolled his head the other way, looking towards the front of the pizza bar. The tables were crowded, and everyone there looked miserable. Drab. Drained of life. People were hunched over, or stuffing their faces with both pizza and alcohol. The white tiled floors looked brown, the front windows not quite clear, making the outside look blurry. Or maybe that was just Ryan. 

He rubbed his eyes. They hurt. The smoke might be messing up Sam’s hair, but it was stinging his eyes, too. He reached for his beer, ready to chug it down so they could leave, but stopped as the door swung open and a young man walked in. Ryan lifted his head to watch the Japanese American twenty-something step in with three other guys. His black hair was shoved to the side, just like Jason’s had always been when they were at YRS together. The man’s ultra dark eyes popped through the smoke and distance, and when he smiled, Ryan sat up in his seat. _Jay,_ he mentally whispered, even though he knew that wasn’t his ex-boyfriend. This man was shorter, and a little thicker. His lips were all wrong, and suddenly Ryan’s groggy mind brought up the image of Jason Wakefield. 

No matter how long it had been since Ryan had physically seen Jason, he would never forget the fine details of his lover. His soft lips that Ryan loved the shape of. His deep eyes that Ryan would get lost in when they laid together in bed talking. The sound of Jason’s voice, and the way he said Ryan’s name. The way he called him _baby_. Ryan could imagine the feel of Jason’s bicep, and the way he smelled - like a breath of fresh air. 

He watched the young man sit down with his companions, and Ryan didn’t bother to look away. He drank his beer and watched him, while his mind brought up memories from the last night he and Jason had spent together. It had been at a hotel, not their own bed. It had been right before Jason had left for Seattle to start his life over, not in their own place where their lives could start over together. It had been fueled by alcohol and loneliness and broken hearts, but also love. It was the last time Ryan could remember giving and receiving love, and that brought something heavy over his mind, just as he felt something on his leg. 

It was like slow motion as he looked away from the stranger to see Sam right up on him, her hand on his thigh. “What?” Ryan mumbled in irritation that she was so close and had interrupted his daydream.

“I was just thinking,” she said, sliding her hand further up the leg of his black jeans. “We should go out to your car. I’m in the mood to give some head.” She puckered her lips before sticking her tongue out, in an attempt to look seductive. 

It had the opposite effect on Ryan. He wasn’t really interested, but then again, what else was he going to do? A blow job from Samantha O. wasn’t his first choice of activities, but it was something. It was physical contact. He knew it would feel good, and that seemed like a viable option. He looked back over at the young guy that had caught his attention. The thought to walk over and say hi drifted over his mind, but as Sam slid her hand over his crotch and pressed down, he lost his will to try something new. _I probably couldn’t go out with him without always thinking of Jason anyway._ The reality that Jason was so far away drifted over him. _I’m sure he’s not thinking of me the way I think about him. I’m so fucking pathetic._

He looked back at Samantha O. “Okay,” he agreed. “I’m ready to get out of here.” 

****

TBC


	17. Last Resort

Mike glanced at his watch. He had promised to put his books away so he and Chester could lay in bed and watch a movie before they went to sleep - without him accidentally falling asleep in the middle of it the way he had the last time they tried. Study time before finals was running out. There was only a few days between him and the first of many tests, and Mike was determined to finish the semester with all A’s. As long as his exams went well, it would be smooth sailing into the spring.

He only had a few more minutes before Chester would be out of the shower, and he decided he would go ahead and take Cheese out before it was his turn in the bathroom. He stuck a pencil in his book to hold his place and set it on top of his notebook on the coffee table, then stretched his neck side to side. It was stiff from being bent over his books all afternoon. _Maybe I can get Ches to rub it a little bit._ The idea brought a smile to his face as he stood up, and immediately Cheese looked up from where she was on the carpet, gnawing on her stuffed cheese toy. “Hey girl, you wanna go outside?” Mike asked in his puppy voice.

The terrier was on all fours in a flash, her tail wagging frantically. Mike laughed at her while he put her harness on. “You’re so silly. We were just outside not too long ago,” he told her, standing up with the leash in his hand. He stuck his head around the corner and hollered toward the bathroom, “Ches! I’m taking the dog out!” The two of them waited to hear Chester yell back “ok!” and then they were out the front door.

It always surprised Mike how fast time passed when he was studying. It was twilight, and the lights in the apartment courtyard were already coming on. He scooped Cheese up and held her under his arm as they took the stairs quickly, then set her down on the grass as soon as they were on the ground floor. She took off across the grass and Mike followed behind, letting her stretch her legs. He needed to move, too, so he didn’t mind. They went around the side of the building and Cheese trotted up and down the strip of grass until she was ready to find a place to pee.

Mike could hear voices in the courtyard when they came back. It was typical of the college campus for people to be out and about at all hours, and at first he didn’t give it a second thought. Cheese was sniffing out a great spot and Mike was ready to go upstairs when he heard his name. He looked over, squinting in the dim light, to see Matt with a woman, her long dark hair in a ponytail. 

“Mike!” Matt called again, motioning for him to come closer. “Perfect timing, man!”

Mike glanced down at Cheese, who was finished peeing, and took a step over toward the couple. He was halfway to them before the unknown woman in yoga pants and a tank top turned his way, and he gasped. It was Talinda, and Mike knew instantly that something wasn’t right. There was no reason for Talinda to be on the USC campus, which meant she had to be looking for Chester.

“Do you know this chick? She’s asking about your apartment, and Chester, but I’ve never seen her around. I didn’t want to send someone your way if you guys are like, a secret, you know?” Matt raised his eyebrows and looked from Mike’s stunned face to Talinda’s impatient expression. There was no doubt this woman was on a mission, and Matt wondered if maybe she was the girlfriend or even the wife that Chester kept in Echo Park. _Now that would be something else!_ Matt couldn’t wait to see what would happen. 

“Yeah, I know her.” Mike was exasperated at the way Matt was hanging around, obviously being nosy. “Thanks for being cautious, but we’re good.” He turned his attention to Talinda quickly and said hello. 

“Oh, Mike, good,” Talinda said in a hurried voice as she took the few steps to him. “I tried to call Chester but he’s not answering and I couldn’t figure out which apartment was yours.” She looked around quickly, scanning the apartment buildings. They all looked the same. “I really need to talk to him,” she added, almost as an afterthought when Mike didn’t say anything. It was about that moment she looked down and noticed the tiny brown terrier she recognized. Chester had no lack of pictures of her on his phone, and he proudly showed them around Score’s office to anyone who would look. “Oh, the dog. Guess that means he’s here.” She looked back up at Mike with a short impatient smile. She’d had enough of wandering around the massive campus. She needed to see Chester. 

Mike reached down and picked up Cheese. “Yeah, he’s here.” He held the puppy close to his side and looked at Matt. “Thanks, Matt. I’ll catch you in class.” It was enough of a dismissal for most people, but Matt didn’t budge. Mike ignored him and put his full attention on Talinda. “Come on. I’ll carry her so she doesn’t stop and sniff the world.” He wanted to ask what was wrong, but not in Matt’s earshot. He started toward the building, with Talinda right behind him. He didn’t have to look to know that Matt was lingering behind them, on his way to his own apartment. It was irritating.

Once they got to the landing, Mike pointed in the direction of his door for Talinda to follow. “Good night, Matt,” he called again, stopping outside the apartment and looking behind him.

Matt had followed, hoping for a bit of gossip, but it wasn’t going to happen tonight. “Night, Mike.” He waved at Mike and the mystery woman, and kept going toward his apartment.

Mike turned to Talinda, his voice low. “Let me make sure he’s decent. He was in the shower when I stepped out.”

“Of course,” Talinda agreed easily, even though she couldn’t imagine Chester would be prancing around the apartment naked. She tilted her head in thought. _Or maybe he would be. I have no idea. I just need to talk to him. Now._

With Cheese still under his arm, Mike poked his head in the apartment door. Chester wasn’t within his sight, which was a good thing. He set Cheese down and unbuckled her, and the little dog shot off toward the bedroom. “Ches?” Mike called, stepping inside. “You dressed?” 

From the bedroom, Chester heard Mike’s voice just as Cheese ran into the room. “Cheesy Girl, you look excited.” He bent down to pat her on the head and run his fingers under her chin before he hollered, “Of course, Sexy Boy! Unless you don’t want me to be!” He grinned before he headed out to the living room, subconsciously wiping off the front of his red muscle shirt and then his black Adidas joggers. He stopped the moment he got to the living room and saw Talinda stepping in the door. “Hey,” he said, his mind a little stunned, “what’s going on?”

Talinda didn’t wait. She shot past Mike at the door to get right in front of Chester. She barely gave the apartment a once over. “I’m sorry to come here,” she said quickly, “but you didn’t answer your phone.” She glanced over her shoulder to see Mike hanging back a few feet before she said, “Ryan got fired today.” 

Chester’s mouth dropped open. “What?” 

Talinda shook her head. “He came in to do the Ezra Gold shoot and he was high. Not drunk, Chester, high.” 

Chester felt all the color drain from his face, his heart pounding. “High?” he repeated, like he couldn’t understand what she was saying. “No. No, that can’t be right. You have to be wrong.” 

“I’m not. Forrest had him detained to have a drug test. It came back positive.” Her shoulders slumped. “He took off. I don’t know where he went or what he’s doing.” 

She looked fragile, and Chester reached out, bringing her into a quick hug before he suggested they sit down. He led her to the couch, Cheese at his feet. “What happened?” he asked again, because it still wasn’t making sense.

Talinda cupped her hands in her lap. She really didn’t want to get too emotional over this. Usually she didn’t care. She’d seen her share of models and people in the fashion industry succumb to drug use. It was never pretty. But this wasn’t just someone. This was Ryan, and despite her always professional demeanor, he had become her friend. “He was shaky and saying things that didn’t make sense. He kept zoning out. It was awful,” she whispered, her hand going to her mouth. “I’ve never seen him act like that. Even when he’s been drunk, this was different. When we were waiting on the drug test, he kept nodding off.” 

Mike’s eyes were bouncing back and forth between his boyfriend and Talinda, trying to process what was happening. Like Chester, he’d been sure Talinda was wrong about the drugs until she mentioned the test, and a sinking feeling hit his stomach. Drugs would explain a lot about what had been happening the last few months, and why Chester’s friendship had become less important in Ryan’s life. _I got what I wanted, but I didn’t want it like that. Thank goodness he didn’t take Chester down with him. I know the first thing Chester is going to want to do is talk some sense into him, and I’m not sure that will work, or even if it’s a good idea._

Talinda looked like she was on the verge of tears, and Mike wasn’t prepared to handle two emotional people at once. He stepped into the bedroom without being noticed and grabbed the box of tissues on the dresser, and came back to offer it to Talinda.

“It’s so hard to believe,” Chester said as Mike stood in front of them with the tissues. He watched Talinda take three of them and ball them up to dab at the corner of her eyes. “I knew he was drinking more - we both knew that - but drugs are so much more. Fuck.” He dropped his head, staring at his knees. Over his years in the porn industry, he and Ryan had seen lots of stars end up on speed or coke or even meth. It was so strictly frowned upon at YRS that it was never a cause for concern. STD tests and drug screens. They went hand in hand. Mark was the only exception when it came to outside substances. 

“So you don’t know where he went?” Chester asked before he felt over his pockets. His phone was in the bedroom on the charger.

Talinda shook her head. “When Forrest told him he was done, he stormed out. I tried to go after him and he...he yelled at me,” she admitted, and with it came the real tears. “Chester, he said some awful things. Things I know he didn’t mean, but it still hurt.” 

Chester scooted closer to put his arm around her. “Of course he didn’t mean it. You know him. He’s not like that. It’s the drugs. Whatever he’s doing, it’s making him like that.” 

Mike wasn’t sure what to do, or where to put his hands. He sat down on the floor and Cheese came right to him, thinking it was play time. “Come here,” he whispered, pulling her into his lap and petting her. The last time he could remember Ryan going MIA, he’d turned up on their doorstep at the loft. _It was after he punched Mark in the face. After he got fired._ Mike frowned. That time he’d showed up drunk, but this time he was already high. Mike had no idea what state he’d be in when he was found, and since he knew Ryan had no idea where his apartment was, he could only hope Ryan would show up at Amir’s. Thoughts clicked along in his head and he finally looked at Talinda. “Have you looked for him at all? You said he left, so I’m guessing he didn’t go back to your place. Maybe Rob’s?” He hated saying Rob’s name out loud, especially because Chester’s eyes narrowed in a glare as soon as he said it. 

Talinda leaned back a little, out of Chester’s embrace, to look at Mike. “I haven't. I don’t know where Rob lives. I don’t even have his number. Ryan never wanted to talk about him. He’s never told me anything about him, other than you guys knew him before you came to Score.” She gestured Chester’s way before she took a deep breath. “He didn’t come home. I thought about Amir’s, but thought it would be better to come here first. You know him,” she stressed to Chester and then to Mike. 

“I used to know him,” Chester mumbled, his chest feeling tight. “But not very well lately. I can’t believe half of what he says anymore. Mike,” he said, looking over his boyfriend. “Would you call Amir, see if he’s seen or heard from him at all?”

“Yeah, okay.” Mike dug in his pocket for his phone, disrupting Cheese, who had calmed down enough to sit quietly in his lap. “I don’t want to move her, let me text him.” He didn’t look up for Chester’s approval. Texting was better, for now. He didn’t have to leave the room to talk, and he didn’t particularly want to talk to Amir, anyway. It still felt a little awkward between them at times. He quickly sent a text and then looked up. “If he’s not there, you know he’s probably at Rob’s. He’s got to be. Where else would he go?”

“The bar,” Chester decided, trying to think of Ryan’s favorite haunts. “There’s a couple different ones that he likes. Or he used to.” He looked at Talinda, but it was clear she didn’t have anything to offer. “If Amir hasn’t seen him, I’ll go look for him.” He patted his pockets again. “I need my phone.” He stood up and excused himself. 

Talinda watched Chester disappear before she looked around the apartment. It was small, and the total opposite of where she imagined Chester living. It looked nothing like Amir’s, and it occurred to her that Chester was choosing to spend 90% of his time in the cramped campus housing rather than at the posh Echo Park address. _Because of Mike. That’s love._

She turned a little in her seat. “She is cute,” she offered, pointing at the puppy who was sitting up in Mike’s lap and looking intently down the hallway where Chester had gone. “I know Chester’s told me, but what’s her name?” 

“Cheese,” Mike answered absently, frowning at the dry response he’d gotten from Amir. “He’s not at Amir’s,” he added, looking up at Talinda. “He says he hasn’t talked to him in days.” 

Talinda wasn’t sure what to say, but she was relieved when Chester came back, his phone in his hands. “So what’s the plan?” 

“He’s not answering me either. I’m going to head to the bars, some of the places we used to hang out. Fuck. I wish I knew where Rob lived.” He turned and went to the bar, grabbing his wallet and keys that were there. 

Talinda stood up. “Do you want me to come with you?” 

“No, you better not,” Chester told her. “He’s obviously not in his right mind. If he’s going to be mean and nasty, he can be mean and nasty to me.” He looked at Mike, who was standing up with Cheese in his arms. “I won’t be long. I know exactly where I’m going.” 

“But Ches,” Mike started, until the look on Chester’s face told him there was no room for negotiation. He bit his lip for a second, thinking. He didn’t want Chester out alone looking for Ryan, but he also didn’t know how things would go if they _did_ manage to find him, and he was there. Still, letting Chester leave to go find someone who was using didn’t sit well with him. “Are you sure you don’t need me?” 

Chester stepped in front of Mike, running both his hands up and down Mike’s arms. “I’ll be okay,” he told him, making sure they looked each other in the eyes. “I’ll keep you up to date as I go.” He leaned in and placed a soft but quick kiss to his lover’s lips. “Okay?” 

“Okay.” Mike knew his reluctance could be heard. He also knew that anything having to do with Ryan was such a fine line with them still. It was important to show Chester that he trusted him, but it was hard in this situation. Not knowing what he was going into or if he would be okay was difficult. “Cheese and I will study some more, I guess. Keep my mind off things.” He looked over at Talinda. “You’re welcome to stay here if you’d like,” he offered, not sure if she wanted to be alone or not. 

“Thanks,” she said, already stepping towards the door. “But I should go home, just in case he shows up there.” 

Chester offered Mike one last smile, and then he was on task. He slipped into his slides that were by the front door before he opened it for Talinda. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your car,” he offered as they stepped out, and Chester shut the door behind them.

“I guess it’s just me and you, girl,” Mike told Cheese, sitting down on the couch where Chester had been. She immediately curled up next to him, her head on his thigh, and Mike sighed as he looked at the door. No matter how long Chester was gone or how much studying he did, it would feel like forever. “Hope he’s not gone too long,” he added, picking up his textbook and settling back into the cushions to study and wait. 

It was hours later by the time Chester stepped back into the small apartment and collapsed onto the couch. Cheese was on him instantly, and one hand went to her back as Chester’s head went to the cushion behind his head. “He’s nowhere.” He knew Mike already knew that, but it felt important to say it. “I don’t know what to do. I mean...I think I know what to do, but I don’t want to do it.” He shut his eyes. The entire drive home he’d been wrestling with what he knew was going to be a last stitch effort. The only choice left. He wasn’t sure how Mike was going to take it. 

Mike was rubbing his eyes. They were tired from the extra studying and the late hour, and even though he cared where Ryan was - for Chester’s sake - he was ready to go to bed, too. Ryan would turn up when he was ready to turn up, in Mike’s opinion. Still, he reached over to take Chester’s hand. “What’s that?” he asked, wondering why Chester wouldn’t do whatever it was he was thinking about. 

Chester picked his head up to look at Mike. “The other night, at the Christmas party when Forrest called me into his office, I told him that I didn’t know how to help Ry. He told me that people are limited. We can only do what we can do. I can’t help him, Mike. He’s not listening to me and half the time when we do actually talk, he’s lying to me.” He stopped, sucking his piercing in. He knew once he said all this out loud, there would be no taking the idea back. “I don’t want him to disappear or to get a phone call one day that he’s dead.” He stopped again before he said, “I’m thinking about calling Jay.” 

“Jason?” Mike said softly, the name feeling odd on his tongue after spending so much time avoiding it in the past few months. “You think that’s what all of this is about?” There was a heavy feeling of guilt as he thought about the way Ryan had been acting for months. The idea that it had anything to do with how things ended between Ryan and Jason made all of the recent events feel extra terrible to Mike. If Ryan’s decline had anything to do with that, it meant it was at least partially Mike’s fault. 

Chester squeezed Mike’s hand. “I never told you, but the night you and Jay… _broke up_ ,” he said with a cringe in his voice, “Jay missed his flight to Seattle so he had to stay here. Ryan spent the night with him at the hotel. They kinda talked through things and were even doing this whole, like, texting thing. That’s why he agreed to go with you to get your stuff. He was going to see Jason. But, it didn’t work out. He said he got there and seeing the houseboat and all that stuff it hurt that it wasn’t for him, and Jay was cold to him. He said Jason didn’t even tell him goodbye when Ry told him he couldn’t stay.” Chester looked away, off towards the kitchen as he thought. “It messed him up, Mike. I don’t even know if Jay will talk to me, but if anyone can reach Ry, it’s him.” 

It was a lot to process. Mike sat back on the couch, trying to put everything Chester said into something that made sense to him. He’d spent months actively trying not to think about Jason, and now there was all of this new information to try to deal with. He scratched at his beard and looked down at Cheese. “I wondered why Ryan made that trip with me. And why he was so hell-bent on leaving immediately that night. That’s crazy, Ches. Crazy that they were talking like that.” He stopped abruptly. He’d been about to add “so soon” to the end of the thought, but that wouldn’t help anything at the moment. He shook his head, sorting through his feelings. “If they haven’t talked since then, why would Jay even answer the phone? He made it clear when he left he was finished with L.A.” 

Chester wiped his hand over the corner of his eye. “I don’t know, Mike. But I don’t know what else to do. He’s just going to get worse. What happens if I never see him again? I have to do something to try and help him and this is all I got.” 

They were quiet then. Mike was racking his brain for another solution, any possible solution, other than involving Jason. It was a selfish thought, though, and when he looked at Chester, he knew however he was feeling about it paled in comparison to the desperation his boyfriend must be feeling to have arrived at Jason as the solution. _Chester calling Jay doesn’t mean I’d have to see him or anything. Or even that Ches would have to see him. He could try to get in touch with Ryan on his own. If he wanted to. It couldn’t hurt to call, I guess. For Chester to call._

He sighed, long and heavy, before he shrugged his shoulders. “If you think he’ll do anything, go ahead,” Mike said. “I don’t have any other ideas.”

“I don’t know if it will help, but I don’t ever want the regret of not trying.” Chester pulled his phone from his pocket and sat forward on the couch, staring down at it. It was going to take a minute. He had to work his way up to actually finding Jason’s name, which he knew was still in his phone. “I don’t want to text. If I’m going to do this, I need to talk to him. If he’ll talk to me.” Slowly, he scrolled through his contacts. The name Jason Wakefield was at the end of the list in the “W”s and it was another long pause. _It’s for Ry. I don’t want to lose him._

Chester glanced over at Mike, getting one last encouraging nod from him, before he hit the call button and put the phone to his ear, listening to it ring. His eyes shut the moment Jason’s voicemail popped up. Chester shook his head at Mike, to signal that Jason hadn’t picked up. “Hey, Jason, it’s Chester Bennington,” Chester said when it was time to leave a message. “I hope it’s okay that I’m calling. Call me back if you can. Ry’s in trouble.” 

He left it at that as he disconnected the call and his phone went black. “Guess we’ll see if he calls me back.” 

Mike scooted over and put his arm around Chester. He didn’t know if Jason would call or not. When he walked out of the loft and left Mike there, he’d declared Los Angeles to be in the past. The house, the loft, YRS, and all of the people that came along with those places. “I hope he does. For Ryan’s sake.” He left it at that, leaning his head against Chester’s. 

It was late, and in Jason’s Seattle apartment, he was already in bed. Blue was resting against his side while he read a book, propped against the headboard on a few pillows. His phone was on the nightstand charging, and he was engrossed in the story when it rang suddenly. Jason frowned in irritation, leaning over to grab the phone and wondering why it was ringing so late. With a finger in his book holding the place, he flipped the phone over with his other hand and stared at the screen. _Chaz. Why in the hell is he calling me so late? Why is he calling me at all?_

He kept looking at the phone and Chester’s name at the top of the screen, trying to decide whether or not he wanted to answer, until the phone decided for him. It went black, and he knew it had gone to voicemail. Jason waited breathlessly for the chime that signaled a message was waiting, wondering what this random call was all about. The chime came quickly, faster than he expected, and Jason wondered if the call had been an accident. _That’s probably it. He butt-dialed me or something. It’s not a long message._ The voicemail showed eight seconds when he tapped it and held the phone up to hear Chester’s message.

It felt strange to hear his voice after so long, and Jason had to smirk when Chester identified himself by his whole name, as though he knew any other Chesters. That smirk didn’t last though. When Chester’s last words, _Ry’s in trouble,_ came through, dread hit him instantly. There were a lot of different kinds of trouble, and his mind skipped instantly through some bad scenarios before he stopped himself. _Why call me? What can I do about anything? I’m hours away. God, maybe he’s in jail. Chaz probably wants money. That’s the only reason he’d call me. I know he hates me._

Jason looked down at the cat and scooted her aside before he stood up and walked into the bathroom. He flipped on the lights and looked at himself in the mirror, hard. _He’s got plenty to hate me for. And maybe it’s just for money, but what if it’s worse than that? Would he really call just for money? What if Ry’s sick?_ The thought sank into his stomach, followed quickly by wondering if maybe Ryan had asked Chester to call him. _I have to call him back. No matter what kind of trouble it is, and even if it’s just for bail, I don’t want anything to happen to him. I don’t want him to think I don’t care about him._

He turned on the water and washed his face, waking himself up a little and organizing his thoughts. Calling Chester back would be the easy part, he figured. Talking to Ryan, if that was about to happen, would be much harder. The last time they’d seen each other felt so long ago. “Okay,” he told himself in the mirror. “I’ll call him back.” It was resolute and said with determination, and Jason left the towel on the side of the sink to go back to his phone, a sense of urgency hitting him suddenly. He pressed Chester’s contact information and listened as the phone rang, his stomach nervous. 

Chester was still on the couch with Mike when his phone rang. The moment he saw Jason’s name on the screen, he answered. He could already feel his heart racing, and nothing had happened yet. It had been over six months since he’d talked to his former boss. He hadn’t seen Jason since he’d stormed out of the loft, ending his relationship with Mike over the false accusation that he’d been cheating with Ryan. “Jason, thanks for calling me back.” 

Jason sank down on the edge of the bed and cleared his throat. “It sounded serious,” he said in return, completely dispensing with the niceties. “I didn’t figure you’d be calling me if it wasn’t.” He gripped the edge of the bed and looked down at the floor. “So what’s going on?”

Chester looked over and caught Mike’s dark eyes, and the worried look on his face, before he stood up. He hadn’t planned on it, but the need to move, to pace, struck. “It’s Ryan,” he said, figuring there was no reason to sugarcoat the facts or beat around the bush. “He hasn’t been doing well. For months. He’s been drinking a lot and not coming around. He doesn’t show up when he’s supposed to and he’s breaking promises, and you know that’s not like him.” 

“No, that’s not like him.” Jason closed his eyes. He felt Blue against his back, rubbing, and for the first time it annoyed him. He swatted her away with his free hand. “I haven’t talked to him in months, Chaz. Not since he came out here with Mike.” As soon as Mike’s name left his mouth, Jason wanted to stuff it back in, but it was too late. He stomped his foot lightly on the floor in frustration. “I’ve thought about calling, but I’m not sure he’d talk to me,” he admitted. 

Chester listened as he walked up and down the hallway. “I don’t know what happened between you and him that day in Seattle, but he was upset about it. He’s been weird ever since.” He paused, but only for a second. He didn’t want Jason to think he was trying to blame him. “I’m not saying that’s why, he just came back different. Jason, he got fired from Score today. He’s using drugs. I don’t know what exactly, but he is. They tested him at work and he failed. Now we don’t know where he is and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help him. He’s always listened to you. I know it’s a lot to ask, but...I don’t know what to do.” Chester stopped, his phone to his ear, his other hand in his curls as he stared at the open bedroom door. 

“Drugs? Are you sure?” Jason barely got the question out of his mouth before Chester was affirming what he’d heard. “Well, fuck.” He stood up from the bed, suddenly feeling very awake. He didn’t know exactly what had happened that night on the houseboat, either. He knew Ryan had been upset about the place, and he’d mentioned that it was too hard to be there, but they’d had plans to go out, not stay there. At least not immediately. Jason had decided at the time that Ryan just changed his mind about him, the same way Mike had done, and he’d nursed that rejection wholeheartedly for months. _But maybe I’m wrong. If he’s been bad off since he was here, it’s more than that._ He felt his heart beating a little faster as he looked around. “Chester, when was the last time you talked to him?” 

Chester looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember. “The day before yesterday. He didn’t show up to the company Christmas party, even though he told me he was going. Forrest was so disappointed. I talked to him the next day and he said he hadn’t been feeling well, but I don’t think that’s the truth. He was supposed to do a solo shoot today and he showed up high. I wasn’t there, but Talinda was. She came over and told me just a few hours ago. She said he stormed out and yelled at her. He yelled at Talinda. We don’t know where he went. I went around to all the bars and no one’s seen him. I’m not sure where Rob lives. He’s been seeing Rob. You know, Rob.” It was in that moment that Chester’s mind went blank. For the life of him he couldn’t come up with Rob’s last name. “The pool boy,” he filled in, hoping Jason would know who he was talking about. 

“Bourdon,” Jason said bitterly. He remembered the pictures he’d seen on Noah’s Instagram. “He’s still messing around with him?” 

Chester nodded. He was too frazzled - too worried - to try and connect dots to figure out how Jason would know that Ryan had been seeing Rob. “Yeah. And that’s all it is. It’s messing around. And I know that’s not what Ry wants. He won’t tell me anything and I think it’s because he’s ashamed because it’s just fucking for fucking’s sake and you know Ry hasn’t been like that in years.” 

Jason felt sick. It was true, Ryan had left that lifestyle behind the first night they’d kissed, and Jason had never known loyalty like Ryan’s. “Chaz. I’m not sure what I can do from here. I don’t think he’d talk to me.” Jason looked over at Blue, who was now stretched over his pillow. He walked through the bathroom and stood in the middle of his closet, looking at his suitcase. The Ryan he knew, his tender hearted, sweet Ryan, was in a world he never wished for him. It struck Jason as ironic that the turn toward casual sex and drugs had happened after Ryan was gone from the porn world, but the sense of irony didn’t last long before overwhelming guilt hit him. It was his fault. He had ruthlessly destroyed Ryan’s trust in him, their relationship, all of the dreams they’d had together, in pursuit of Mike.

He reached for the suitcase. “I don’t know what you’re expecting me to do, but I’ll come there, if that’s what you’re wanting. I’ll come help you find him,” Jason said. His heart was telling him it was the right thing to do, but there was no way he was going to interfere with Chester’s life unless he had permission. 

Hearing Jason agreeing to come help was a relief. Chester hadn’t had to beg or spend an hour trying to convince him. It had been a matter of laying out the facts. They’d been on the phone for less than five minutes. “Jay, thank you,” Chester said immediately. “You can try and call him first, but he’s not answering me or Talinda. I don’t even know if he has his phone on him. Maybe we can track down Rob and find him that way.”

“I’ll try to call. I know I won’t get a flight out until the morning, and I’ve got to take care of a few things here, but I’ll be in L.A. by noon.” Jason knew it was getting close to midnight, and he needed to get busy if he was going to live up to that promise. “Try to sleep, okay? I’ll let you know when I land. We just have to hope wherever he is tonight, he’s safe enough.” He hated to think of Ryan, high out of his mind and with Rob. Just the thought of Ryan high made his insides hurt.

“Okay. I’ll wait to hear from you.” Chester shut his eyes as he offered a quick goodbye and hung up the phone. He shivered before he looked over at Mike, who was frozen on the edge of the couch. “Jay’s going to try and call him. If he doesn’t answer, he’s coming here. He’ll be here tomorrow so we can try and find Ryan.” 

The idea of Jason being back in L.A. hit Mike harder than he expected. He didn’t want to see Jason, and he was pretty sure that “we” didn’t include him, but he had to ask. “You and Jay?”

Chester nodded. “Yeah. We’re going to try and figure out where Rob lives.” He walked over and sat down, taking Mike’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t know what else to do.” 

“No, it’s fine,” Mike said immediately, hating that Chester was apologizing. “It was the right thing, I think.” He searched Chester’s face for a moment, taking in the stress and the worry in his eyes, and the frown on his face. This was all about Ryan, and making sure he was okay. It had nothing to do with him. Jason was a last resort, and one that Mike had to admit might be a little overdue. Still, he couldn’t help but tell his boyfriend, “I don’t want to see him.” 

“You don’t have to. I won’t bring him here,” Chester assured him. “There’s no reason you guys have to talk or see each other. I’m going to take care of it.” He looked down at his phone that he’d left on the coffee table. “I should call and tell Talinda before we go to bed. She’s as worried as I am.”

Mike nodded. “Okay. I’ll get Cheese settled in bed and I’ll wait for you there.” He squeezed Chester’s hand and let him go. “I think she’s out anyway. I’ll just carry her to bed. Spoiled dog,” he whispered to the terrier, carefully picking her up.

Chester smiled. “Super spoiled,” he smirked as he watched Mike walk away towards their bedroom. He waited another minute, listening to the silence that filled the apartment before he picked his phone up. He pulled up Talinda’s name and leaned back against the couch cushions. He was exhausted. 

“Chester,” she answered on the second ring. “Did you find him? Is he okay?” 

“No, I didn’t find him,” he told her honestly. “I didn’t know what else to do, so I called Jason in Seattle.” 

There was a few seconds of quiet before Talinda asked, “Why? Do you think he can help?”

“If anyone can help with Ryan, it’s Jay. Broken up or not, they know each other really well. In ways I don’t even know Ry. We’re going to try and figure out where Rob lives. Jason will be here tomorrow. Are you going to be around? I hate to even suggest it, but we might have to come over and look through Ryan’s room. See if we can find a number or an address.” 

“I’ll be here,” she decided quickly. She was supposed to be going to work tomorrow, but she had plenty of vacation and sick days saved up. She’d take the day off so she could help in whatever way Chester would let her. “And don’t feel guilty, Chester. He hasn’t told me anything about Rob either. If you guys have to go in there and search, then as Ryan’s landlord, I say that’s okay.” 

Chester wasn’t sure if that’s how things worked, but it made him feel better. “Thanks, Talinda. You know I wouldn’t even suggest that if I didn’t think it was necessary.” 

“I know. For what it’s worth, Chester, Ryan cares about you a lot. I know he cares about Jason, too. He never stopped talking about him. Not obsessively, but his name came up more than once. I’m kind of curious to meet him.” 

“Jason’s his own person.” Chester yawned as he stood up. “I’m off to bed. I’m going to try and get a little sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow after Jay gets here.” 

“Yes. Keep me updated.” 

“I will.” 

They said their goodbyes, and Chester hung up as he yawned again. His body, his mind, and his heart felt the heaviness kick in as he turned off the lights and went to the bathroom. He needed to pee and then it would be time to crawl in bed and snuggle up with Mike. _I hate that Mike has to be here for all this. I know he’s uncomfortable about Jason being in town. But I guess that’s good. He didn’t ask to see Jay. He asked for the opposite._

Chester’s eyes narrowed as he stepped into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. It was a moment of contemplation - was Mike avoiding Jason so he wouldn’t be tempted or was he avoiding Jason because he wanted nothing more to do with him? Chester wasn’t sure, but he decided not to stew on it. Mike had chosen him at the end of it all. They were each other's cheeseburgers, and that’s what mattered. _Besides, it’s not about Mike. This is about Ryan. And Ryan needs Jason._

By the time Jason got back into bed, it was close to two a.m. He had a reservation for the morning, a bag packed, and plenty of food and water left out for Blue. It was one of the good things about having a cat. He could go away for a few days, and the automatic feeder would take care of her feedings, and the litter box was there for her other needs. He was exhausted by the time he set his alarm for seven and turned off the lights, but the thoughts wouldn’t stop. 

_Rob. I knew that was trouble. I should have called way back then. I should have said something. I almost texted him that night, and I didn’t. What if I could have stopped all of this?_ Jason turned over and his arm hit Blue, who tapped him back with her paw. _I thought maybe he wanted to move on. I should have told him then how sorry I was for everything._ The thought that he had already apologized, and it hadn’t changed things, drifted across his mind. Ryan had wanted to go down the party scene or he wouldn’t have done it.

Jason went back and forth a few more times, tossing and turning as he did until Blue was annoyed enough to leave the bed. He sighed. _She doesn’t even want to be around me. What if I fly down there and he won’t speak to me? What then? I can’t let him just turn into some addict on the streets. Not my Ryan._ Jason’s heart pinched at the thought. _We’ll find him. He’ll talk to one of us, he has to. And we’ll figure out what to do._ He couldn’t even worry about seeing Chester again, or the possibility of seeing Mike. However awkward it was going to be, it just didn’t matter when Ryan’s health was at stake.

 _Fuck, Ry. I’m not going to let you do this to yourself. I love you too much._ Jason turned over one more time and shoved his arms up under his pillow. _I’ve got to sleep, and then I’m coming to get you. I’m going to find you, even if you don’t want to be found._

****  
TBC


	18. Other People's Business

The library was quiet, despite being packed, and Mike was surprised to see he was not alone when he looked up from his book and stretched his neck. Somehow he’d managed to get his mind fully involved in studying instead of worrying about Chester and what his day would be like once Jason arrived. _Jason. Fuck. I know Ches doesn’t want to be anywhere around him. He’s desperate. I hope it’s not a waste of time. I hope Jay knows Ryan as well as Ches thinks he does, or he’ll just be in L.A. for no reason. God, I don’t want to see him. I told Ches I don’t want to see him. I can hide here all day if I have to._

Mike looked at his watch. It was close to time for Chester to leave out and meet Jason at the coffee shop. Chester had been careful to tell him all about the plan to meet somewhere that wasn’t Mike’s apartment and wasn’t Amir’s, either. It had been a quiet goodbye that morning before he left for the library. Even Cheese seemed to know something wasn’t right, as though Chester and Mike’s worrying had transferred over to her somehow. She lay on the floor with her head between her paws, watching Mike while he got his backpack and kissed Chester goodbye with the promise of dinner later. It had been hard to leave the apartment knowing his boyfriend was going to meet up with Jason.

_Jason._ Mike sighed. His feelings about the whole situation, and Jason in particular, were complicated. He’d stayed silent, mostly, fearing that he would say the wrong thing to Chester. Despite how good the last several months had been between them, he didn’t want to set their progress back with a misspoken word. It had nothing to do with his feelings for Jason; Mike was far removed from the confusion and jealousy that had led him into Jason’s arms. There lingered a certain level of love for Jason, but he wasn’t _in love_ with Jason. There was no thought of temptation or desire when it came to his ex. All of Mike’s apprehension was built around the knowledge that seeing Jason again would only serve to drive home how terrible the decision making, the pain he’d caused Chester, the complete abandonment of his morals, had been. Jason no longer represented a life he thought he wanted, but a life he’d almost thrown away. 

Fretting over it now wasn’t going to help him pass his finals, and he knew that. It was bad timing all the way around, but Mike hoped Ryan could be found and brought back from what sounded to him like a very dangerous lifestyle. Mike decided his mental break had been long enough. He picked up his coffee cup and frowned. It was almost empty, which meant he’d have to get up in a minute and go to the little cafe on the first floor for more. He ducked his head back to his theory notebook, resolved to finish looking over his notes for that class before he went for more coffee.

Coffee was the first thing on Matt Harris’ list when he entered the library before noon. The line wasn’t too long, and he ordered two the way he always did. It was one of his favorite ways to start a conversation with Mike Shinoda, and he was certain with finals coming up that he’d find his favorite student in the library. He was continually fascinated with the fact that Mike spent hours in the library when he could just as easily study at his apartment. Today he was dying to find Mike and get the scoop on the woman with the ponytail that had been looking for Chester the night before. It had been the subject of conversation between him and Dan for at least twenty minutes, but they hadn’t come to any conclusions, and Matt wanted to know. He almost laughed at how predictable Mike was when he got to the third floor and found his student in the corner, books and notebooks all over the four person table though he was sitting alone.

“Need a refill?” Matt asked, stopping at the chair across from Mike. The surprise on Mike’s face when he looked up was thrilling.

“Um, yeah, sure,” Mike answered, reaching for the coffee Matt was holding out. “Thanks. I was just about to go down and grab some more.”

“It’s like I could read your mind,” Matt offered as he sat down and leaned over to see what Mike was studying. “Theory? You actually study for my class? Here I was thinking you were just a natural.” He loved the way Mike’s cheeks blushed at the compliment.

Mike shrugged, pulling the lid off the fresh coffee to let it cool a little. “I’m just looking over my notes, making sure I don’t forget anything. My grades are important to me.” He looked up at Matt and then back down at his work. Getting good grades had been instilled in Mike’s psyche since he started kindergarten.

“You’ll be fine on my final.” Matt sipped his coffee and raised one eyebrow. “So did you get things sorted with Chester’s girlfriend last night?”

“Girlfriend? Talinda?” Mike made a face. “They work together, Matt.”

“Mmmhmm,” Matt hummed. “She was pretty frantic to find him. It seemed a little weird, you know? I figured if she really knew you two she’d know how to find your place.” He waited, watching Mike struggle with what he wanted to say.

“Well, thanks for not tipping off random people to my apartment.” Mike popped the lid back on his coffee and sipped it before setting it down. It didn’t seem necessary to get into any more details with Matt about Talinda. 

Matt waited, but it was apparent Mike wasn’t going to say much more without prompting. “She’s pretty. A model, too? I’ve heard about models at those places. Always hooking up and stuff. You don’t worry about that?” 

“Talinda’s an assistant,” Mike said, annoyed. “And no, I don’t worry about Ches hooking up with models.” _Anymore,_ he silently amended. “And he _definitely_ wouldn’t be hooking up with Talinda.”

“I get it. No women, am I right?” Matt adored the way even Mike’s ears turned pink this time when he blushed, and he was dying to tease him, to find out if Mike had ever gone the other way. But he didn’t. “I think everyone dabbles on both sides of the line at some point.” He lifted his arms over his head and stretched, keeping his eyes on Mike’s face and the way he avoided looking at him. 

“Do _you_?” Mike asked pointedly, his irritation showing even though he was flipping through a notebook. He didn’t want to talk about sex with Matt at all, and he was hoping throwing the question back at him would shut him up. It didn’t.

“I mean, girls are different, that’s for sure,” Matt grinned wickedly, realizing it was the first time he’d outright let Mike know he was gay, though he’d flirted and shown his interest many times. “Not my preference, Shinoda.”

“Right. I always thought you and Dan made a nice couple,” Mike responded sweetly, cocking his head to the side to watch the confusion wash over Matt’s face.

“Mayo? No, no, you’ve got it wrong,” Matt hurried to say. “He’s my wingman, that’s all.” He scowled at Mike and turned his attention to his bag. “Well, glad you guys got it worked out last night,” he said, grabbing one of his own notebooks to look over for his own finals. Mike had bested him, and he was going to let the subject drop, for now. 

Mike traded his theory notebook for his music history notebook and scooted his colored pencils out of Matt’s way. “Yep.” He was glad the subject of Chester and Talinda was closed. He glanced at his phone, pressing the home button to see Chester and Cheese, and check the time. No messages, but he wasn’t expecting one. He knew Chester would text him when there was something to say, and that was going to have to be enough. He set his notes to the side and grabbed his textbook, ready to lose a few more hours in studying rather than worrying. 

****

Jason stood in the middle of the hotel room, his heart beating quickly. Whether or not it had been a mistake to request the same room he’d stayed in last time, he didn’t know. But being in the room, the last place he’d shared with Ryan, gave him a little more focus than he’d had on the plane. 

Those four hours had been spent second guessing the decision to get on the plane in the first place. He’d gratefully accepted a mimosa, then another before he realized that drinking himself into a place where he couldn’t feel the emotions of the day wasn’t going to help. By the time the flight attendant asked if he’d like a third, Jason politely declined and leaned his head back on the seat to try and calm down on his own, without the aid of alcohol. He thought through all the places in L.A. he knew Ryan liked, and wondered if Chester had checked every one. 

Any time Ryan had disappeared before, he’d always turned up within hours. It was alarming to think that nobody had seen or heard from him in almost twenty-four hours. Jason just couldn’t think of anywhere he would be. The only place that came to mind was Rob’s, and he wished he still had the personnel records from YRS. A last known address would at least point them in _a_ direction, even if it wasn’t the right direction. It was a futile path to follow though. All of the YRS records were in storage until he didn’t have to keep them anymore for tax records, and his lawyer was the only person with access. Jason didn’t want to call him and have Rob’s file pulled when the chances of him living in the same place were next to nothing anyway. 

So after fretting for hours, Jason was now standing in the middle of room 333 in the Four Seasons, trying to connect with Ryan. It sounded like something Brad would tell him to do, and a memory of a conversation with Brad was just enough out of reach to frustrate Jason while he thought about spending the night there months ago. It had been hard not to see that night as the beginning of something new when it happened, and even harder later to come to terms with the fact that it hadn’t been. Jason looked at the bed, thinking about how he’d slept protected in Ryan’s arms. Even though the night didn’t save their relationship, it had been a monumental evening in more ways than one. 

_Ry, baby, where are you?_

Jason checked his cell phone again, even though he knew his two messages to Ryan - one last night and one this morning - had been ignored. It wasn’t even comforting to see that they had been delivered. Ryan hadn’t opened them. Whether it was because he was passed out, or he didn’t want to, neither option made Jason feel any better. He texted Chester to let him know he was on his way to meet him, and looked at the room one more time. With any luck, he’d find Ryan and they could come back here. It would be better than going back to Talinda’s, or Amir’s. It would be just the two of them, and maybe Jason would be able to get through to him. 

He pressed send, grabbed the key card, and headed out the door.

Chester sat at the hightop table inside his favorite coffee house. It wasn’t overly crowded, and he was thankful for that. The girls behind the counter had been polite, and the music playing overhead was low, which made it easier to hold a conversation. He’d shown up early so he’d have time to get his coffee and find a good table. He’d picked a seat facing the door, so he could spot Jason the moment he walked in. Chester wrapped both hands around the warm disposable coffee cup, his portions of cream and sugar already stirred in, but he hadn’t taken a sip yet. His leg bounced up and down, his sneaker clad foot on the bottom bar of his high-backed stool as he sucked on his piercing. 

Out of everyone at YRS, Jason had never been the scary one. Even before he’d run away from Mark, before he became the quiet, reserved secret lover to Ryan, back when he was still very invested in YRS as a company - as his identity - Jason was never scary. He gave orders, but they were always more like instructions. He’d never raised a hand to Chester or anyone else working at the big house in the hills. Ryan had been the one to start their affair, not Jason. Unlike Mark, Jason had never made an inappropriate move on Chester or anyone else. _Except for Mike._

It was a bitter thought, and the frown on Chester’s face deepened. He recalled rather clearly all the things Mike had said about his short-lived relationship with Jason. The manipulation and how Jason had gotten inside his head. It had all sounded very predatory. Very much like Mark, not Jason. 

Chester let go of his coffee cup to rub his left temple, his eyes shut. He already had a headache and Jason wasn’t even there yet. _He’s on his way though. He texted from the hotel. He’s going to be here any minute. Ry still loves him. Should I tell Jay that? Does it even matter? This isn’t about love, this is about finding Ry and making sure he’s safe. But Jay volunteered to come. I didn’t even ask him. I’m not even sure what I was asking when I called, I just needed him to help. He jumped on the chance to come._

Chester stared down at the black plastic lid of his coffee cup. He knew Ryan had been through the emotional gamut when it came to Jason Wakefield. Everything from pure love and dedication to anger and spitefulness. But the last emotion he could remember Ryan expressing for his ex, was love. _He missed him. He said he missed Jay that night in New York. Drunk or not, I know that’s what he meant to say._

He looked up, focusing on the door as people came and went, signalled by the jingle bells above it. If they did manage to find Ryan and talk some sense into him, it would all be because of Jason. Every word Chester had tried over the last few months had fallen on deaf ears. He hadn’t been able to help his friend at all, and that hurt. His shoulders slumped as he finally took a sip of his hot sugary coffee. _I always thought our friendship was stronger. It used to be. Things have changed between us, and I know that’s because I drew the line. I’m giving my whole self to Mike now, and that’s how it should have been all along._

Chester picked up his phone from the table and smiled at the screen saver, the sweet picture of him and Mike on the couch with Cheese on their laps. He didn’t want anything to ever come between them again. _Which is another reason it has to be Jay. It can’t be me. I’m his friend, but I think he needs more than that this time. There’s no way Jay doesn’t still care about him or he wouldn’t be coming here. That’s what Ry needs to see. To hear. He needs to know Jason still cares. A lot. He just dropped everything in the middle of the night and decided to come and help. You don’t do that if you don’t really care._

It was an encouraging thought and Chester lifted himself up. He didn’t want to be slouched and small looking when Jason stepped into the coffee shop. He wanted his head up, his eyes alert. He looked over his white, short-sleeved collared shirt with the red breast pocket and blue pinstripe along the bottom - a Score specialty. It went well with his red pants. He looked good. He looked put together, and hopefully confident. He could only hope that Ryan’s Jason - the Jason that his friend had always adored - would walk through that door, and not the Jason he’d been the last few months at the loft. Chester had no interest in talking to Mark’s shadow. 

Jason was sitting in the rented car, looking at the front of the coffee shop. His stomach was nervous, and for a moment he wished he’d accepted the third drink on the airplane that morning. It wouldn’t have been wise, not for driving, and not for seeing Chester, and he knew that. He sighed and rubbed his hands down the front of his jeans. Inside his mind he was fighting with the person he was in Seattle and the memory of what it was like to be in L.A., and the jeans and light sweater he had on felt strange all of a sudden. It felt like he should be wearing dress pants and a button down, and he almost laughed at how ridiculous that sounded now. He hadn’t been _that_ version of himself in months. He hadn’t worn dress clothes anywhere but work ever since the moment in therapy he realized he didn’t have to anymore, but he felt under dressed as he sat, convincing himself to get out of the car to go see Chester.

_It had to be bad for him to call me. So I need to just go in there and we need to deal with the problem. If Chester wants to talk about other things, then I’ll deal with that then. The important thing right now is Ryan. I am strong enough to do this._ Jason took a deep breath and stepped out of the car with his cell phone in his hand. He was only a few minutes late, and if he’d been better at giving himself a pep talk, he would have been on time.

Jason went straight to the counter when he walked inside, giving the barista his order before he took his sunglasses off and walked to the end of the bar to wait for it. He looked over and his eyes landed on Chester immediately. Chester was looking right at him, and Jason raised his hand in a simple wave, an acknowledgement. _He looks so different. His hair, wow. I’ve never seen it like that._ In his mind, Chester still had the strip of blonde curls down the center of his head, even though logic told him months had passed. Chester looked healthy, and even if he was looking somewhat anxious, he didn’t look unhappy. Jason was glad to see it. 

Even though it wasn’t true, it seemed to take Jason forever to get his coffee. Chester couldn’t keep from looking at him. _He’s in jeans. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jason wear jeans. Ever. I didn’t even know he owned jeans. And they’re not geeky looking jeans._ He leaned a little to the right, trying to see some sort of identifier on the denim. He wasn’t quite aware he was staring until Jason headed his way. He cleared his throat before he gestured to the seat across from him. “I’m glad you made it. And you’re wearing jeans.” 

Jason pulled out the chair and sat down, and he felt the smile crack his lips. “You know, I was just thinking how odd it was to be wearing jeans.” He set his cup down and pulled the sleeve of his sweater a little more over the wrist of both hands before he looked up to meet Chester’s eyes. “How are you, Chaz? Have you heard anything from him at all?” 

It was still a little surreal that Jason Wakefield was sitting in front of him, but Chester pushed on. He was the one who had called, and he was going to take advantage of Jason’s offer to help. “I’m good. Other than the stuff going on with Ry, life is...it’s damn good.” He smiled before he took a sip of coffee. He knew why they were both there, but he figured he'd return the pleasantry. “How about you?”

The first words that came to Jason’s mind weren’t words he wanted to share, not yet. Telling Chester that he was lonely most of the time, and sad about how things had turned out with Ryan, wasn’t going to get them out the door soon. “The job is really great,” he said instead, and left it at that. He fiddled with the lid on his coffee for a second, and decided to add, “I’m doing a lot better than I was here. Seattle has been a good change.”

Chester stayed quiet as he watched. Jason wasn’t demanding. He wasn’t trying to say anything manipulative - at least not yet - and he looked more humble than proud. It was enough to settle Chester’s nerves. They had a mission they needed to work on together, and all signs were pointing to that being possible. “I’m glad it all worked out,” he offered before letting out a long sigh. “I haven’t heard anything from him. Neither has Talinda. I’m not sure what Ry did or didn’t tell you, but he moved in with Talinda after you guys broke up. She’s the assistant at Score.” He paused, and watched as Jason nodded while he sipped his coffee. “According to her, he’s been spending more and more time away. We can only guess it’s been with Rob or at Rob’s. The only thing I can think to do is go over there and look through his room. Maybe we can find Rob’s number or an address. I’ve tried Googling him, but can’t find anything. He’s a computer guy now, like you,” he said, swatting his hand Jason’s way, “so maybe he’s extra cautious about posting personal info. I tried to friend him on Facebook, but he hasn’t accepted me yet.” 

_A computer guy like you._ Jason felt his stomach turn again. He missed Ryan, more than he’d been allowing himself to feel recently, and the idea that maybe his ex had really moved on and replaced him struck. “I guess you checked all the local places he likes to go?” When Chester nodded, Jason shook his head. “Well, if Talinda’s is the only place we can get the info, I guess we have to try. She doesn’t mind us coming over there and snooping around?”

“She doesn’t mind. I already asked her. She’s just as worried as I am. Or, as _we_ are,” Chester amended. Jason hadn’t shown up out of a lack of concern, and Chester knew he needed to recognize that. “I hate the idea of going through his stuff, but that seems like the best place to start. I told Amir what’s going on, so he’s keeping an eye out for him, too. I thought about asking him to ask some of the Carnal Delights guys if they know where Rob lives, but he doesn’t work there anymore, and I think that would be weird for him. He didn’t leave on the best of terms.”

“Amir left Carnal Delights?” Jason leaned forward in his chair a little. It was shocking to hear that someone like Amir, who lived for the paychecks his porn career brought in, was out of the business. “Wow. I never thought he’d do that.” Jason looked thoughtfully at Chester. Though he would never ask, he wondered how Mike was reacting to Ryan being missing. It seemed odd that he wasn’t hovering around Chester somewhere, but he knew that was likely because of him. _And Chester said things were damn good, so that must mean everything is working out for them. It’s good. That’s the way it should have been all along._

Jason sipped at his coffee. He could feel Chester’s eyes on him, waiting for him to make a decision about going to Talinda’s. There didn’t seem to be any other way to figure out where Rob lived, and even though it was a long shot, Ryan’s room seemed like the most logical place to start. He wished he had a better idea, but he just didn’t. “Well, I guess we need to get going. If we’ve got to play detective, it’s going to take time. And the faster we find him, the better.”

Chester picked his phone up. “I’ll text Talinda that we’re on our way.” He tapped around on his phone quickly. “And Amir left Carnal Delights because of Noah. You know, love got him.” He stood up, pocketed his phone and took out his keys. “You want to follow me?” 

“Sure.” Jason stood up and pushed in his chair. He still had most of his coffee, and it was going with him. He wasn’t sure what to say about Noah and Amir. Ryan had told him about them their last night together in L.A., and Jason remembered he had been appropriately shocked at the time. “It’s hard to believe Noah got someone like Amir to fall in love. I definitely didn’t see that coming.” He followed behind Chester, sliding his sunglasses on his face right before they stepped outside. “How far are we going?”

“It’s not too bad,” Chester said with a shrug. “Ten minutes. Maybe.” He pointed down the line of cars to his little red love. “I’m there. We’re going to go to the light and go left,” he said, just in case Jason lagged on getting out into traffic to follow. 

“They gave me this SUV,” Jason said, waving at the Mercedes that was parked a few spaces down. “I’ll follow you close, don’t worry.” He was about to walk to the car, but he stopped and pointed at Chester’s pants. “Your pants match your car, you know.” 

Chester glanced down before he grinned. “Mike calls these my magic pants.” The moment he said it, he sucked in the warm L.A. air and turned away, headed for his car. “I’ll keep an eye out!” he hollered, and then picked up his pace. He really hadn’t planned on bringing up Mike’s name at all and he cursed himself for slipping. 

Jason just nodded. He couldn’t help but watch Chester walk away, and he knew exactly what Mike liked about those red pants. Chester’s little ass looked like a siren. He rolled his eyes and got into the SUV, his coffee going into the cup holder quickly when Chester pulled out of his parking spot. “Damn, hold on a minute,” he grumbled, throwing his seat belt on and starting the car. It went back to the way he’d had it set when he parked - windows down sunroof open. He appreciated the sunshine for the moment, and wasn’t going to let it go to waste. 

There was no use torturing himself all the way to Talinda’s over what they may or may not find, what Jason may or may not say, so Chester opted for loud music instead. He cranked it up, all the way there, and he was a little sad his time was up when he pulled into the parking lot of her building. He grimaced at the white wash exterior that still looked tacky, every time he saw it. He parked, and watched in his rearview mirror as Jason did the same. _Here we go. God, I hope we find something. Anything that will help._

He got out and met Jason halfway, before they started for the building. “Soooo Talinda can be a little in your face, but she’s cool. And she cares.” 

“Most women in business are like that,” Jason remarked casually. He was used to all types of people now, and it was his responsibility to manage them in a way that they listened and wanted to work for him, not resented him. “I’m sure it will be fine. I just feel weird going through Ry’s things. I have to think he wouldn’t like that very much.” He looked over at Chester.

“He’d hate it. But I’d rather find him and get him out of this alive then not and respect his privacy.” He only glanced Jay’s way before they took the stairs. Talinda’s apartment was on the second floor of the closest four-plex. He stopped on the small porch and knocked. They only had to wait a few seconds before she opened the door. 

“Chester, God, I’m glad you’re here. Come in,” she said as she moved to the side and waved for them to step in. Her attention shot past Chester to see who she knew was Jason. His hair looked different from the pictures she’d seen, but she recognized his eyes right away. “Hi, I’m Talinda,” she offered, right as they stepped into the kitchen and she closed the door behind them. 

“Oh, sorry,” Chester said, looking between them. “Jay, this is Talinda, Talinda, this is Ryan’s Jason.” 

“That’s me, Ryan’s Jason.” Jason flashed Talinda a charming smile and held out his hand to take hers. “I wasn’t sure that was the proper title, but it seems that’s how I’m known around here.” 

Talinda shook his hand with a soft smile. “We have a Jason that works with us at Score, so whenever your name comes up, you’re _Ryan’s Jason_ ,” she tried to explain. She took a step back and crossed her arms, rubbing her bare elbows. “I still haven’t heard anything from him. He was never one for leaving his stuff out,” she said, motioning around the small, but updated kitchen and then towards the living room that was swimming in pink carpeting. Still. “But you guys are welcome to look through his room. I went in there, but I didn’t touch anything. There’s not much sitting out in the open.” 

Chester nodded. “Okay, we’ll start there. Thanks, Talinda,” Chester said before he headed towards the living room the two bedrooms were off of. He’d been over to Talinda’s a few times, enough to know exactly where Ryan’s room was. The door was closed, and the impulse to knock hit. _He’s not in there. I know he’s not in there. No one is._

It took him an extra second, but he opened the door. Talinda was right. Just looking around, there wasn’t much to see. The bed was made, gray blankets tucked and pulled with two white pillows at the top. There was a clock on the nightstand, and a clothes hamper in the corner, along with a dresser. There were a few boxes in the corner, things Ryan had never unpacked from the loft. The closet door was closed. 

Jason heaved a sigh and put his coffee down on the nightstand. “Where to start,” he mumbled, mostly to himself. He tried to put himself in Ryan’s shoes, to figure out where his head had been the past months. The little table had a drawer in it, and Jason figured he’d just start there. “Chaz, you want to check the closet? I’ll start over here, and we can work our way around the room.”

Chester agreed. He was always okay with looking in closets. He opened the door, and his heart sank. It was a small closet, and Ryan’s clothes looked sad hanging in it. He pulled his piercing in as he reached out and touched one of Ryan’s black shirts. This was going to be harder than he thought. The entire closet smelled like Ryan, and Chester felt his eyes water a little before he shoved away the despairing thoughts that wanted to attack him. _We’re helping him. We’re going to find something to help._

He took a deep breath, and started going through each piece of clothing. He shoved the shirts away, only checking the pockets if they had them. All the pants were next. One pocket at a time, hoping a scrap of paper would have evidence on it. 

For as neat as the bedroom appeared, the inside of the first drawer Jason opened was a mess. It was stuffed full of receipts, and Jason took them out one at a time and looked at them. He recognized some of the locations as places he knew Ryan liked, but Chester had already checked them. There were a handful for a certain pizza place he’d never heard of, though, and he thought maybe that could be important. “Hey, Chaz, you ever been to a Tony’s pizza place with Ry?” He squinted at the print on the receipt. There was an address, if they decided to check it out. 

Chester turned away from the closet. “Tony’s? I don’t think so. Hang onto it. If we can’t find Rob’s address, that’s another lead we can follow.” He looked back at Ryan’s hanging clothes, but they’d awarded him nothing. He crouched down next, pulling out the shoes, and the one box on the closet floor. The shoes were useless, but there was paperwork in the box. “Taxes,” he mumbled to himself as he quickly sifted through stacks of papers that dated back four years ago. He saw Ryan’s old apartment address on most of them. There was the note on Ryan’s car, and some bank paperwork. Nothing that would lead them to Rob. 

Jason set the receipt aside and kept looking. Nothing else seemed important. There was an envelope with a little bit of cash inside, and a stack of pictures underneath. Jason picked them up and started to flip through them. It quickly became obvious that they were older pictures, some of them years back. There was a picture of Ryan with Chester that Jason was positive he’d taken, and a couple of pictures of Ryan with his mom. At the bottom of the stack was a picture of him, and Jason stared at it for a minute.

It was from Hawaii, when they’d been on location for work. The two of them had disappeared one afternoon to walk around and look at the tropical flowers. Jason wanted to take pictures, and Ryan wanted to touch him the entire time. It had been daring and fun, and he’d let Ryan take his camera while he posed for him against the brilliant red and pink blossoms. The one picture he was holding was the last one Ryan had taken before they went back to the hotel, straight to the room Ryan was sharing with Chester.

Jason looked up at the back of Chester’s head, wondering if he remembered that night. He tucked the picture back into the stack and put it back into the drawer, pushing it all the way back until it hit something. He stuck his hand in the drawer and pulled out a small box from the back, a box he recognized immediately. With a quick glance at Chester’s back again, Jason turned his body to hide the box in case Chester turned around and opened it. Inside were the promise rings Ryan had given him for his birthday, and Jason felt his heart pinch. _He still has them. Right here, next to the bed, he’s still got them._ He touched one quickly, rubbing his finger over the blue band, and then quietly closed the box.

“I think that’s it in here,” he said to Chester, standing up and sliding the ring box into the pocket of his jeans. He wasn’t sure why. He didn’t know if it would mean anything to Ryan or not, but Jason wanted to have those rings when he found him. “One pizza receipt and a bunch of stuff that’s useless. How’s it going over there?” 

“Nothing,” Chester said with a defeated sigh. “A bunch of legal paperwork - taxes and his car note. And a copy of _Twilight_.” He twisted around and held up the paperback book. “Why would he be reading this?” He shrugged as he tossed the book on the bed and stood up. “Check under the bed. I’ll look through the hamper. Maybe there’s something in the pockets of his jeans that he forgot to take out.” 

Jason looked at the discarded paperback. They’d been in the room less than ten minutes and there were reminders of him everywhere he looked. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that Ryan must still miss him, at least a little bit. He’d spent the last several months convincing himself that Ryan didn’t care, and now he wondered if he’d reached out sooner how things might be different. It didn’t matter. He hadn’t called, hadn’t texted, and now he was dropping to his knees in Ryan’s room to dig under his bed to search for clues to his whereabouts. It was surreal. 

There were a few more boxes under the bed, none of which held anything current or helpful, and it didn’t take Jason long to look through them. “This is awful,” he called over his shoulder to Chester. “I hate that all of his stuff is boxed up in here. I hate seeing this.” He shoved the third box he’d looked in back in its place under the bed and was about to stand up when a balled up paper caught his eye. He grabbed it before he stood up and walked over to Chester. “Have you looked in here?” he asked, motioning to the dresser with the ball of paper. 

Chester was only halfway through the hamper. Ryan really needed to do his laundry. Half of it smelled like alcohol, and it was taking Chester extra long to pick through it. “Not yet. Still working on this. And this _is_ sad. I’m going to get a buzz from the fumes. Fuck. Poor Ry.” He squeezed a pair of jeans between his hands as he stared down into the heap of clothing. “I never thought it would be him. He’s always been so strong, you know?” He looked over to see Jason watching him. 

“He has. Always. When things were so bad at home, Ryan was the one that got me through it all.” Jason dropped his head, memories of times the two of them had snuck away and he’d only cried in Ryan’s arms coming to mind. Stolen moments were precious, but they weren’t always spent being physically intimate. So much emotional intimacy had been built in the confines of YRS, the place Jason called home. There were secrets between them that nobody knew, not even his therapist. Days when he’d wanted out of his life so much that he wondered how many of Mark’s pills it would take to end it, but Ryan was always there. Ryan was always the one to bring him out of those moments of desperation. Ryan had held him up more times than he could count, and all Jason had done in the end was let him down. He sat down on the foot of the bed, the ball of paper still in his hand. He could feel the weight of regret on his shoulders at how it had all turned out. “It’s my fault,” he said to Chester without looking at him. “You said he was different after he came back from Seattle. It was a hard trip for him.” 

Chester still had Ryan’s jeans in his hands, his search on hold for a minute as he’d watched Jason slump onto the bed. “He just started to pull away after that. He was...more than sad. Depressed, I guess. I couldn’t get him to talk to me. I mean, we’d talk, but he’d avoid anything important. It’s gotten worse over the last few months. We go days without texting. Sometimes it takes him days to answer just one text. Even if I’m just saying hi.” 

Jason shook his head at that. “Did he tell you about coming up there? We were supposed to go have dinner. We’d talked some before that,” he admitted, leaving out the evening in the L.A. hotel on purpose. “I was looking forward to it, and then when he and Mike got there, it was just too much for him to process. No, too much for him to accept.” He picked at his jeans with one hand. “I wasn’t really in a good place, either. I started therapy, Chester. A few months ago. I realized I had some stuff I needed to deal with, and I couldn’t do it by myself.” Jason glanced over at Chester. He hadn’t really addressed what Chester had said before he launched into his own story, but he could tell he had the other man’s attention. 

“Therapy’s good, Jay. I’m glad you’re talking with someone.” He stepped over to the bed and sat down, Ryan’s jeans still in his hands. “Ry told me about what happened. He said you guys had been talking before. He said you turned away from him and you didn’t tell him goodbye. That’s what he kept saying. That you didn’t say goodbye. I think he thinks you don’t care. We went to New York,” he said, figuring at this point being honest could only help the situation. “We went for Score. This was last month. And he was doing okay still. We’d had a few drinks and I told him how much I missed Mike, and he said ‘I miss Jay, too’.” He stopped and looked over. “He was drunk, but I know he meant to say your name. That part wasn’t a mistake.”

“I miss him too.” Jason swallowed against the tight feeling in his throat. “I didn’t know how to say goodbye that night, Chaz. I didn’t want him to leave, but I knew how wrong it would be to ask him to stay. He told me he couldn’t do it, and I would never force something on him, never.” He closed his eyes, which didn’t help to block the memory of that night. “It took therapy for me to realize what I’d done to him. And you, and Mike.” 

Jason didn’t dare to look over at Chester now. The bedroom felt very, very still. “I told Ryan before that night that I was sorry for what I’d done, but I was only starting to understand why it all went the way it did. I wasn’t right after Mark died, Chaz. I loved him. I loved him and I resented everything he did outside of our marriage, even when I turned around and did the same thing. He wasn’t a good person, and it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with that. I should have walked away a long time ago, instead of dragging Ry into the mess, instead of dragging Mike into it. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I talked him into coming to YRS. It never should have happened.” 

Chester couldn’t stop looking at the black material of Ryan’s jeans. He shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Jay. I told Mike not to do it. I begged him not to, and he did anyway. And...I’m so grateful he did. But that was his choice. It doesn’t matter what you said or what I said. He chose to do it.” 

“I think you give him too much credit,” Jason said. “He was so easy to manipulate, and I did it knowing full well what I was doing.” He stopped, and breathed out a harsh breath. “I did it because I knew Mark would beat the shit out of me if I didn’t, and I thought at some point in there, it would really make him proud of me. I’d done what he wanted, and the bonus part for me was that he couldn’t sleep with you anymore.” Jason stopped again, and Chester was quiet, too. “I hated him for that, for wanting you the way he did. And I ended up resenting you for it, too. I know it wasn’t your fault. I _know_ that. I’ve told myself that a thousand times, but it doesn’t erase the way I felt, even if it wasn’t justified. It doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to punish you for what he did. And look at what happened.” He waved his hand around the room, at Ryan’s small space. “I ruined what could have been something amazing for me and Ryan, all because I thought taking Mike from you would make me somehow feel better.”

He took a deep breath and looked at Chester. “I’m sorry, Chaz. I was a horrible, rotten friend and boyfriend. I didn’t really understand it all while it was happening. But the reason I told you I was in therapy, it’s because I’ve come to realize why I fucked us all over so badly. You didn’t deserve it, it was never your fault. And Ry was collateral damage.” He hung his head, staring at the wad of paper he was still holding.

Chester stayed quiet. It was a lot to take in, a lot to process. It had been strange to see the Jason he knew from YRS - Ryan’s Jason - slowly change into the high society asshole that he’d become after they’d all started living together. After Mark died. At the time Chester had thought that maybe it was the _real_ Jason coming out, but maybe not. Maybe it had been Jason still struggling with Mark, which was a concept Chester was familiar with. He thought about admitting that he was still dealing with their ex dictator as well, that Mark still haunted his dreams and chased him through nightmares, but he didn’t. Jason had caused him a lot of hurt, and much like with Mike, it was going to take time to gain some trust back. 

But Chester couldn’t ignore the effort or the olive branch Jason was offering. Despite how things had turned out, Jason was one of them. They’d been through hell together, and that meant something. “Thank you,” he said simply as he looked over. “For apologizing. None of us wanted to be on the other end of Mark’s anger.” The words instantly brought that moment back to Chester’s memory, the moment when he’d first seen Mark hit Jason upstairs at the YRS house. The moment he’d told Mike about not too long ago. “He could be a monster,” Chester said, his voice suddenly going tight. “And I hate what happened to him, but I’m glad the four of us got out of there. All of us,” he amended, looking up at the ceiling before back down at the jeans he hadn’t let go of yet. “Mike and I are okay,” he decided to say as he let out a calming breath and met Jason’s eyes. “We still have things we’re working on, but we’re okay. Better than okay. It’s weird to say, but that whole mess at the loft and how things went, some good came out of it. We were falling really quickly into unhealthy things and the break up, it stopped that cycle. We’re back to being healthy again.” He paused, but only for a second before he added, “We can’t lose Ryan to this. We can’t.” 

“I’d never forgive myself, Chaz,” Jason said quietly. “I know Ry is responsible for himself, but he’s never been into this life, not as long as I’ve known him.” He started to unravel the ball of paper in his hands, smoothing it out against his thigh. “He might want to be lost right now, but if I could talk to him, tell him the things he used to tell me, he might want to be found instead.” _Though the things he always told me to bring me back from the edge were about us… I’m not sure he’d want to hear anything about us right now. Would he listen if I told him how much I miss him, that I’ve been working on me and I’m better now? Would it matter?_

The idea that it might be too late for him lingered even as Jason tried to focus on how it couldn’t be too late for Ryan. He wouldn’t allow it. Even if Ryan didn’t want to see him, Jason had to get him some help. He loved Ryan too much to let him go any further into a drug riddled abyss. 

He looked down, Ryan’s scrawl visible on the paper he’d just unraveled. “Chaz, look,” he gasped, holding the paper up to inspect it closer. “It’s an address and a phone number. And Ry wrote RGB at the top. No way.” Jason couldn’t believe their search had actually turned up Rob’s address and phone number. It had been such an unlikely scenario, yet he was holding it in his hand.

Chester recognized Ryan’s handwriting immediately. “What’s RGB?” 

“It’s Rob’s initials. I know it is. I can’t remember his middle name, but his paychecks were to Robert G. Bourdon. This is it, Chester.” He glanced over at Chester, then back down at the paper. “I didn’t think we’d really find anything. What if… what if we go, and he won’t talk to us? Or what if he’s not even there?” 

Chester shook his head as thought after thought raced through his mind. Ryan was reluctant to tell him anything about Rob. _He’d probably be upset if I showed up out of nowhere uninvited._ “But we have to try,” he decided out loud as he looked from the crumpled piece of paper to Jason. “If he’s not there, maybe someone is and they can tell us where he is. Or, we can leave a message for him, maybe.” 

“Maybe.” Jason sat very still, thinking about how Ryan might react to the two of them together. _His relationship with Chaz is different from how I know him. I’m not so sure that us going together is the best thing. It would be easier for us to not have to go alone, but that’s two people he doesn’t want to see at once. If he wanted to be seen, he’d respond._ As hard as he tried, Jason couldn’t think of a scenario where the two of them showing up together would end well. “Chaz. Let’s think through this for a minute. What it would be like on his side to have both of us suddenly there in his face. He already knows he shouldn’t be doing what he’s doing. And he’s probably embarrassed about being fired. He might not receive what we’re trying to say very well if he’s overwhelmed.” 

That made sense. Chester had already seen that behavior in Ryan as of late. Anytime anything bad happened that involved Score, it took Ryan extra long to respond. Extra long to come back around to Chester. “I don’t want him to bolt,” he said, standing up, Ryan’s jeans still in his hands. “He might think I’m mad at him, but I’m not. I just want him to be okay.” 

“We both do. I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t want him to be okay. Chaz, do you think it would be okay if I went alone? I know you want to see him,” Jason rushed to say, “but maybe just the surprise of me being there would be enough to shock him into listening. It’s just a thought.” He wanted Chester to say yes and not insist on going himself. He knew the right way to do this was not to gang up on Ryan, but he wasn’t sure if Chester would trust him to do it on his own.

Chester stood for a moment, thinking through what Ryan might be thinking. How he might react. _Everything I’ve tried so far has failed._ “I invited him to go over to Amir’s to play poker. It was going to be an intervention, but he didn’t know that. He just knew we were all going to be there. His friends. Even Talinda,” he said, his eyes shooting towards the open bedroom door for a second. “And he didn’t show up. He completely blew us off, even after he asked me to make his favorite snacks...like he was actually going to show up.” He dropped his eyes to the bed, to the copy of _Twilight_ that was just to the side of where Jason was sitting. “It might be better if it’s just you. I know you know him in ways I don’t, so if you think that’s best...okay.” 

Jason was surprised it was so easy, but he knew that really meant that Chester had almost given up, that Ryan had shut him out so many times that it felt hopeless. _That’s why he called me._ He stood up and patted his pocket, where the rings were hidden. “I’m going now, I’ll text you, okay? I’ll let you know either way, if he’s there or not.” Jason looked around the depressing space one more time, and then back at Chester. “I’m glad you called me, Chaz. I think I can get him to listen, maybe even talk. I think I know how.” 

“I hope so. Something has to work. Something has to help.” Chester reached out and cupped Jason’s arm for a second before he sank onto the bed with Ryan’s jeans. He watched as Jason said a quick goodbye, and then he was gone, out the bedroom door. Chester sat, trying to catch his breath, his thoughts. It seemed unreal that he had no idea where Ryan Shuck was. That Ryan wasn’t answering him, and even worse, that he was doing more than drinking. 

He glanced over at the paperback novel before he picked it up. It seemed like an odd book for Ryan to be reading. He couldn't remember ever seeing Ryan with a book, and especially not a teen romance novel. _Maybe there’s a lot I don’t know about him._ His attention drifted out the door to the hideous pink carpeting of the living room. _I hope Jay knows what he’s doing._

****  
TBC


	19. S.O.S.

Forty minutes later, Jason was stepping out of an elevator into an apartment building he’d never seen. It was nothing like what he’d pictured, based on the little information he had about Rob, which was mostly negative. He was surprised the hallway looked and smelled clean, absent of zoned out druggies the way he’d imagined on the long drive over. It looked perfectly acceptable. A little outdated, but nice enough, and Jason’s anxiety took a tiny step back. _Maybe it’s not really that bad. Maybe he’s just dabbled. Maybe yesterday was the first time. This doesn’t look like the kind of place a bunch of strung out losers would live._

He mentally crossed his fingers and hoped for the best as he walked down the hall, looking at numbers on the dark green doorways. Halfway down the hall he came to Rob’s door, and Jason paused before he took a deep breath and knocked. It was a polite knock, not too aggressive, but plenty loud enough to be heard inside. He waited, glancing each direction down the quiet hall, but nobody came to the door. He checked the scrap of paper in his hand again. It was the correct apartment, he was certain, so he knocked again, this time a little louder. A few moments later the door opened a crack, not enough for Jason to see into the apartment. 

“Yeah?” came a scruffy voice without a face.

Jason tried to see into the crack, but it was darker in the apartment than it was in the hallway. “I’m looking for Rob Bourdon. Is this his apartment?” Jason asked, more or less politely. He was irritated that the person answering the door couldn’t be bothered to show his face, but it only took a second after he asked for Rob, until the door opened wider.

“Mr. Wakefield?” Rob asked, his face scrunched in thought. He wasn’t entirely sure he was awake. The last thing he remembered was from the night before, when Sam bopped into his place with a few baggies of the good stuff, ready to share. Rob was pretty sure he hadn’t even had to talk Ryan into snorting a line like he usually did, and he vaguely remembered how the sex had gone down between the three of them after that. But that was all he remembered. He scratched his head, thinking it must be a work day. “Why are you here? I don’t work for you anymore.” He didn’t let Jason say anything before he laughed. “Ohhh! Oh! I know why. You’re looking for Shuck. Man, he’s still asleep. But I’ll tell him you stopped by.”

Jason put his hand out as soon as Rob made a move to shut the door in his face. “Wait, just wait a minute. Is he here? Is Ryan here?” He tried to look around Rob, but it was like trying to see around a boulder at the moment. 

“Of course he’s here. This is where the party is.” Rob hiked his thumb over his shoulder. “Is that what you’re here for?” He leaned his head out the door and looked both ways down the hall before he whispered, “Sammy brought the good stuff last night. You want a hit?”

“No! I don’t want a hit,” Jason hissed, taking a step back before remembering he was trying to get inside, not leave. “I need to talk to Ryan, can you let me in?”

Rob shook his head. “Nah, he doesn’t want to see you. I know that much.” He crossed his arms over his naked chest, his biceps popping as they flexed. 

Even though Rob looked a little intimidating, Jason stepped forward as he tried to close the door again. “He will, if you’ll just let me in,” he insisted, and this time he pushed the door back toward Rob. He was surprised when the other man just moved out of the way, and suddenly he was staring right into Rob’s apartment. The shades were drawn, giving everything a shadow, but it only took Jason a second to scan the room and spot Ryan. 

He was on the floor between the coffee table and the couch, slumped over on the table. He looked like he was sleeping, but Jason wasn’t sure. He only glanced at Rob before he stormed inside.

“Hey, you can’t just walk in here, you know. This is like, my place. I told you, he doesn’t want to see _you._ ”

Jason whirled around, only a few steps away from Ryan. “You don’t get to speak for him. Look at him!” He dropped to his knees, his hands out to make contact with his ex-boyfriend, but he stopped. Jason could see the mirror on the coffee table, the razor blade and the line of cocaine that hadn’t been snorted yet. “What the fuck, Rob? You worked your ass off cleaning my pool so you could go to school, and you’re here on a workday, getting high?” He _knew_ what he was walking into, but seeing it was totally different. Despite his easy access to money once he’d walked through the doors of YRS, drugs had never been a part of Jason’s life. “Fuck you, you know that? Just fuck you.” 

His hands were shaking as he pushed the drug paraphernalia out of the way and touched Ryan’s face. He didn’t move, and Jason felt his heart stop. “Ry,” he said, leaning closer to the other man’s ear. “Ry, wake up. It’s me, Ry. Come on.” He shook Ryan’s shoulder and then looked around desperately. Behind him on the couch was a mound of curly black hair, attached to a woman he’d never seen before. She was passed out, too, and definitely wasn’t going to be any help. 

“Ryan,” he called again, a little stronger. “I’m not leaving until you wake up. Wake up.”

Somewhere in Ryan’s mind, he heard a voice he recognized, but it seemed far away. His body felt heavy, and someone was shaking his bare shoulder. It was more annoying than anything and Ryan pulled away, his body sliding over a few inches as he stayed hunched over. “Stop,” he grumbled. 

“See?” Rob said as he dropped on the couch behind them, a stupid laugh following his words as he shoved Samantha O.’s feet away from him. “He doesn’t wanna see you.”

Jason ignored Rob. He could feel the adrenaline in his body, the same fight or flight reaction he had during confrontations with Mark. This time he put both hands on Ryan’s shoulders. “Ry. I’m not leaving you here on this floor. Wake up, damn it. It’s Jason, and we’re not staying here. _You’re_ not staying here. Get up.” He heard an amused snicker behind him, and it made him even angrier at Rob. Nothing about this was funny.

Being jostled around wasn’t fun, and Ryan swung his arm out. “Stop,” he hissed again before he opened his eyes and picked his head up from the coffee table. It took a second for the dark room to come into focus, but when it did, the first thing he saw was Jason’s face, and the eyes he knew by heart. “Jay?” he whispered as he scrambled to understand what was happening. It had to be a dream. He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again, but his ex was still there, right next to him. “Jason?” 

“Yeah, baby, come on. You don’t want to be here.” Jason scooted back a little, pulling on Ryan’s arm. He looked at the table again, and then at Rob, who wasn’t even trying to help. The woman on the couch hadn’t moved either, and Jason’s eyes caught sight of Ryan’s leather jacket underneath the mass of frizzy curls. He didn’t bother to be nice as he yanked it out from under her head. 

“Hey!” she shouted, suddenly coming to life as she half sat up. “Stop being a dick, Ryan. I was using that!” She flung her arm out, reaching to take the jacket, but stopped. “Who the hell are you? Give that back.” 

“Shut up,” Jason snapped, his patience gone. “Ryan, let’s go,” he insisted, trying to pull him up. He wasn’t sure how he was going to make it work. Ryan was taller and heavier than he was, and they were in an awkward space, wedged between the table and couch. “Please,” he added, hoping Ryan would come awake enough to just give in. 

Ryan’s head rolled as he looked up at Jason’s exasperated face. He could feel Jason’s hands on him, but he couldn’t put together exactly what was happening, or why there was a sudden rush to move. “You smell,” he said, his hand reaching to touch Jason on the sleeve of his tan sweater. “Like you. You smell like you.”

Jason nodded. “Come on. You can smell me all you want in the car, okay? We’ll go for a drive, if you’ll just get up. Come on,” he said again, and he was relieved when Ryan finally made a move to stand up. 

The room tilted a little as Ryan got to his feet, but he shook it off. “Fuck,” he hissed, squinting from the small amount of light blaring in from the kitchen. Or at least it felt like it was blaring. “Jason,” he said, again as he watched his ex take his hand and start to lead him away from the couch. “Where are we going? What are you doing here?” He glanced over his shoulder at Samantha O. and Rob as they sat on the couch, not bothering to move. 

“I needed to see you,” Jason said. “We’ll talk in the car, okay? Not in here.” He looked back in the direction Ryan was staring. Rob was watching, but he didn’t look like he cared one bit that Ryan was leaving.

“You have a car here?” Ryan asked as he pulled on Jason’s hand to get him to stop. “Wait.” He turned away to look back over the apartment. The thought that he needed his stuff if he was leaving came over him. He felt over his pockets, but they were empty. “Where’s my phone?” he asked, not really to Jason. He pulled his hand away and took a few steps back into the apartment, looking around. His head was already starting to hurt, and so was his stomach. He knew it was his body wanting more of the drug he’d taken over the last few days, but Jason was somehow there, wanting to talk and that trumped the slight dope sickness at the moment. 

Jason looked around, but realized the most likely place was the pockets of Ryan’s jacket that he was still holding. He stuck his hand in one pocket and came up with a wad of tissues. In the other pocket he pulled out a snack-sized plastic bag of white powder, and the cell phone Ryan was looking for. Having drugs in his hand enraged Jason. He took a step back toward the couch, flinging the bag down on Rob’s bare chest. “I think this is yours,” he said bitterly before he turned back to Ryan. “I’ve got your phone. Where’s your wallet?”

Ryan looked from the jacket to the baggie Rob was now holding. “That’s mine,” he argued. 

“Don’t worry,” Samantha O. said with a smirk. “We’ll hang onto it for you till you get back.” She was already leaning over, reaching to snatch it from Rob. 

“I _will_ be right back, so don’t take it,” Ryan growled her way before he looked back at Jason. Jason. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Jason was standing in Rob’s apartment. “Did you want my wallet?” he asked, as he felt over his back pocket. “I have it.”

“Keep it,” Jason said, stepping over to tug on Ryan’s arm. “Come on,” he coaxed, a little calmer than before. “Let’s go talk. Rob said you didn’t want to talk to me, but I know that can’t be true. Right?” He looked at Ryan through his lashes, the way he used to when they were together. It was a look that always got Ryan to agree to whatever he wanted, and Jason was counting on it to get them out the door now. 

The longer he was standing, moving, Ryan’s head was starting to clear a little. “I haven’t seen you in so long,” he answered. “You didn’t want to talk to me. I remember.” 

“No, you didn’t want to stay,” Jason retorted before he forced himself to try to be calmer. “Does it matter? I’m here now. Come on,” he said, feeling like he’d said the same words ten times with no effect, “let’s go. I want to get out of here.” 

“Where are we going?” Ryan asked as he let Jason pull him out the door. He watched it close, and a sliver of panic passed over his belly. He looked down at himself as they went down the hallway. He had his boots on, and he was completely dressed, even though there was something on the front of his black muscle shirt. He swatted at it with his free hand, hating that he didn’t look nice to see Jason, who was really in a hurry.

Jason pressed the elevator button and turned to face Ryan. “I got us a room at the Four Seasons,” he said bluntly. “I wanted to see you and I didn’t want to talk to you with a bunch of people around. We can save the why until we’re alone, okay? I just want you to trust me for a second.” He reached for Ryan’s hand. “I know that’s hard, but can you try?” 

Ryan wasn’t sure why Jason was talking about trust. He didn’t even live in L.A. anymore. They weren’t together anymore. They weren’t anything anymore. Ryan’s mind shifted between trying to figure out what Jason wanted, and the need to go back to Rob’s. He could already feel sweat forming on the back of his neck. “I trust you enough to talk,” he said, before he looked down at their linked hands, and then to Jason’s outfit. “You’re wearing jeans.” 

Jason couldn’t help but laugh. The last fifteen minutes had been absurd, and Ryan’s reaction to his clothes fit right in with everything else that had happened. “Lots of things have changed, Ry. Me, and apparently you, too. But yeah, I’ve got jeans. I have more than one pair,” he teased, happy to get to the ground floor and lead Ryan outside. The air and sunshine felt amazing after the gloom of the inside of Rob’s apartment.

“Ugh, it’s bright out here,” Ryan complained as they walked across the parking lot, hand in hand. “I can’t be gone for long,” he insisted. He was trying to remember when he was last outside, but he couldn’t. He glanced around the parking lot, and realized they were headed in the opposite direction of his Lotus. “Jay, my car’s that way. It’s my city, remember? I drive you. Wait...did you lose your job? Is that why you’re here?” He tugged on Jason’s hand and then planted his feet, bringing them to a stop. 

“We’re taking my car,” Jason said firmly. He looked at Ryan through the sunglasses he’d put on when they came outside. There was no way he was letting Ryan behind the wheel of a car, even if he was talking now. Just the way he was speaking felt off. “And no. I didn’t lose my job. I came here for you.” He pulled on Ryan’s arm, leading him to the silver SUV he’d been driving.

Ryan stared at the shiny, upscale vehicle. “When did you get an SUV? Where’s the Jag?” He twisted around, searching the parking lot for the car he knew, but didn’t see it. “What time is it?” He patted down his pockets before he announced he couldn’t find his phone. He couldn’t go anywhere without his phone and his jacket. His thoughts swarmed back towards Rob’s and the coke he’d left up there, too. If Jason could just hold on for a few minutes, he’d go get all three and be back, feeling better and up for whatever his ex needed to talk about. “I need my stuff,” he insisted, as Jason opened the passenger side door for him. “I don’t know why you’re in such a hurry, but I’ll be right back.” 

Jason shook his head. “I’ve got your stuff, Ry. See?” He lifted his arm, where Ryan’s jacket was draped. “And your phone. Sit down and I’ll give you the phone.” He offered Ryan a smile. “You don’t need to go back in there. We have everything we need right here. Just get in the car. It’s a rental,” he added, answering Ryan’s other question. 

The anxiety gripping Ryan was going to get worse, the need that was slowly coming to life inside of him. He figured he only had a few hours before he’d really start feeling unwell. He hadn’t been using coke for long, just the last few weeks, but it had gripped him with both hands. The days when there was none, it usually left Ryan sluggish - exhausted, even - until he slept through the mini-withdrawals. He knew the longer he used, the worse that would get. But at the moment, he didn’t care. He wasn’t without. He had plenty, and it was upstairs with Rob. 

He looked at his black leather jacket, and the cushy looking seat Jason was trying to coax him into. It was hard to understand why. Why all the sudden did Jason Wakefield care about him? The pull on Ryan’s heart was stronger than the one on his insides, at least for now, and so with a heavy sigh, he got in. Jason closed the door and rounded the car to get in before he handed over the jacket and phone. 

“Hey,” Ryan said, looking at all the missed calls and text messages. “You called me. Twice.” He held up the phone and smiled before he frowned and dropped his eyes. “I haven’t been the best at returning messages lately.” He saw the ones from Chester and Talinda next. _They’re probably both pissed at me. I fucked all that up. Let them down._ He clicked his phone to black, not even looking at the messages or listening to the voicemails.

Jason had the vehicle in reverse, trying to get space between them and Rob as quickly as possible. “I did. I was trying to find you.” As soon as they were on the road he looked over at Ryan, trying to assess how much was too much to get into before they got to the hotel. _I need to text Chaz, too. Damn it. I forgot, and now I’m driving._ He glanced at the clock and cleared his throat. “Chaz was trying to find you, too. I’m sure he left you messages.”

“He did,” Ryan admitted. “I’ll call him or something later.” He looked out the windows, and then around at the smokey gray interior before he focused on Jason. He took a second, studying his ex-lover's face - the shape of his nose and how he couldn’t see his eyes because of the sunglasses. He had to look again at Jason’s jeans, and the light sweater he had on. Ryan couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Jason outfitted in something other than dress clothes. He smiled despite himself. Jason looked good. Healthy, clean. Ryan had to stop himself from reaching over and teasing him about the cuffs of his sweater falling over his hands.

“So, what’s up?” he asked instead, pushing thoughts of sweaters and sexy noses away. “Why all of a sudden do you need to see me? I hope you didn’t come all the way down here from Seattle just to chat. You know that was Rob, right?” he asked, twisting in his seat and pointing back the other way. “From YRS.”

Jason kept his eyes on the road. They weren’t too far from the airport, and the hotel. He was ready to get Ryan inside, where he could see him better. _And get him a shower. He smells like maybe it’s been a while._ Suddenly Jason was stumped. He hadn’t really thought past finding Ryan. That had been a huge task all on its own. Now he had him, but that was all he had. Ryan’s clothes could be sent to hotel laundry, but they wouldn’t be back until the following day. _And what would he wear in the meantime? It’s not like it used to be. He won’t want to be naked in my hotel room, I can tell._

He gave Ryan another glance. _He needs a shower. And a trim._ “Yes, I know that was Rob. Chester said you’d been… seeing him for a while.” He felt his grip on the steering wheel tighten as he said words he wished he didn’t have to say. He didn’t want to hear if Ryan was in love with Rob, or just fucking around. He didn’t want to think about Ryan with anyone else, despite it being the obvious reality.

It took a minute for Jason’s words to sink in. “Chester…” Ryan squinted in thought. “You talked to Chaz? God, Jay, you’re not talking to Mike, are you? They’re happy, you know. They have a dog and live over on the campus now.” He let out a huff as he stared out the window at the traffic. The small bit of hopefulness from earlier gone. Jason coming to see him was suddenly a lot less interesting. _Of course he’s not here to actually see me._ “You can just drop me off here. I’ll find a way back,” he decided, pointing at the passing sidewalk. 

Jason couldn’t even follow Ryan’s logic. “I’m not dropping you off on the side of the road in the middle of L.A.” he grumbled. He wanted to ask, _what’s wrong with you?_ but he knew the answer. The answer was in the little baggie he’d thrown at Rob Bourdon before he dragged Ryan away from the apartment. “Mike’s got nothing to do with this. I haven’t talked to him since you left Seattle that night.” His eyebrows crinkled together in frustration. It was hard to predict what Ryan would say next. Jason set the little detail about Mike and Chester living on campus with a dog to the side, even though he was curious what campus, and how Mike had managed to pull that off. “Look. We’re just a few minutes from the hotel.” He pointed out the windshield at a road sign for the airport.

Ryan rubbed the side of his head. He didn’t want to go to a hotel. He had better things to do. “I don’t get why we need a hotel room to talk.” He glanced Jason’s way, and for a second sex crossed his mind. The idea that Jason was only after a booty call made his stomach turn. He wasn’t in the mood to have sex with anyone. He just wanted out of the car. “It’s hot in here,” he complained as he looked at the SUV’s control panel. It was all voice command, and he had no idea what to tell it to get the air conditioning going full blast. “And I don’t talk to Mike either,” he added, his thoughts lagging behind. “I can’t even talk to Chaz without him bringing him up and how wonderful everything is. I’m happy for him, but he doesn’t have to rub it in my face all the time.” 

“I’m sure he’s not trying to,” Jason said as he exited the freeway. Chester had mentioned being happy more than once to him, too, in the short time they’d been together. It hadn’t felt like he was rubbing his face in it, or even trying to mark his territory. It just popped out of Chester’s mouth naturally, and Jason had to assume it was the same when he talked to Ryan. He didn’t say anything else while he followed the LAX signs back to the hotel. Ryan sat in the passenger seat, tugging at his shirt and then his pants, over and over. It was mildly irritating, and Jason could feel his anxiety rising again. Ryan wasn’t acting the way he was accustomed to, and Jason wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. 

Jason got the SUV parked and reached over to take Ryan’s hand. He could feel the slight shake and frowned. “Ry. Let’s go upstairs and you can lay down for a minute. We can order something to eat if you’re hungry. I just want to talk. Okay? I’ve missed you.” 

“I don’t know what you want to talk about that’s so important. You don’t even live here anymore.” Ryan paused for a minute, his panicked need to bolt from the car on hold as Jason squeezed his hand, and Ryan looked down. He knew Jason’s hand like his own, by sight, by touch, by how it felt to have their fingers interlocked. 

Nobody ever held his hand now. 

“I’ve missed you, too,” Ryan admitted. Everything else faded out for just a few seconds as something came to the surface. “Where’ve you been?” It came out with a hitch, and Ryan pulled his hand away before he got out of the car and looked at the hotel. He was already not feeling the best, and it was clear whatever Jason wanted to talk about was going to be heavy. Memories from their last night together came next. Before sex, before showering together and all the kisses and falling asleep in each others arms, there had been talk. Lots and lots of talk while Jason unburdened himself, and Ryan picked up the pieces. He wasn’t sure if he was up for it this time. He was on a clock, and the time was going fast. “This is where you stayed last time you came into town,” he stated as Jason locked the car. 

“Yes.” Jason reached for Ryan’s hand again, and steered him into the hotel. He waited until they were on the elevator before he turned to make eye contact. “I’ve been in Seattle, Ry. You’re right. I don’t live here anymore. But I’m not here to talk about me.” The elevator chimed and the doors opened, and Jason stepped out, pulling Ryan along. Their room was so close. Once he got Ryan inside, he hoped he wouldn’t have to worry about him bolting. Trying to find a way back to Rob and the drugs. The very last thing he wanted was for Ryan to leave without Jason having the opportunity to get through to him just how dangerous a life he was currently living. 

When they stopped in front of room 333, Ryan pointed at the door. “This is the same room.” He looked back down the hallway from where they’d just come from. “I brought you a candy bar. A Nestle’s Crunch. Your favorite.” He turned back and saw Jason smiling at him. “What?” 

“You did. It was a good night, Ry. A really, really good night.” Jason held up the digital key card and unlocked the door. “Come on. Tell me what you want to eat, and I’ll order it. Come lay down.” He tugged at Ryan’s hand, trying to get him to step inside first. Jason was going to get him inside, get him settled, and text Chester before he tried to cut to the chase. He wasn’t sure how it was going to go, but Ryan was remembering plenty about their past, and it gave Jason hope. 

“I’m not hungry,” Ryan mentioned over his shoulder as he stepped in. The room looked exactly as he remembered it. The king sized bed, the chairs by the windows, the curtains pulled to block out the terrible view. He looked over at the mini-bar, but there was no bucket of ice with bottles of rum, no bottle of wine for Jason. _Guess it’s not exactly like last time._

He crossed the room and draped his jacket over the back of one of the chairs before he turned and looked at the bed. A wistful smile skirted across his lips. It had been a good night. But it had also been the beginning of the end. 

Ryan swung around. Jason had followed him, and looked nervous standing just a few feet away. “I’m going to use your bathroom. Then we can talk before I have to go,” Ryan said, hiking his thumb towards the door. He pulled up Rob’s name on his phone as he went, shooting him a quick text that he’d be back soon. He knew Rob didn’t care, but Ryan cared about his coke that was currently in Rob’s possession. _Can’t trust his ass. He’ll snort it all before I get back._

He stepped into the bathroom, avoiding the mirror. He had zero desire to look at himself. The light was bright, and he kept his eyes half shut as he relieved himself and washed his hands. The soap smelled fruity, and it made Ryan grumble. _What am I doing here? He misses me. No way he came all the way down here just to tell me that. It’s gotta be something else._ “Whatever it is, he needs to hurry up,” Ryan hissed, finishing his thought out loud. 

Jason couldn’t decide whether to sit or stand. He paced over to the window, then back to the door. He could hear Ryan in the bathroom, and then he heard him mumbling to himself. He was about to pull out his phone to text Chester when the door opened and Ryan came out in an agitated huff. “Hey,” Jason said calmly as Ryan walked away from him. Jason stayed put between Ryan and the door. “I know you said you had to go, but where? You don’t need to go back to Rob’s, not tonight. And I know you don’t have to go to work. Chaz told me what happened.” He stepped more into the room. “I came down here to see you. I don’t want you to walk out on me.” 

It was a lot of statements all at once, none of which made sense. “You can’t tell me what to do,” Ryan said as he turned to face Jason. “You’re not my boss anymore. Or my boyfriend. I can go wherever the hell I want.” He felt his hands shaking, and Ryan wrung them together to try and get them to stop. “I don’t see where it’s your business. And what the fuck is Chaz telling you? Did you guys become gossip buddies?” 

He looked away, his insides on their way to racing. He needed to leave. He had no time or interest to hear about how badly he’d screwed up. Not from Talinda. Not from Chester, and definitely not from Jason Wakefield. “If you’re only here to tell me what a bad friend I am, save it. I get enough guilt trips from the people who _actually_ live here.” He turned and headed for the chairs. He’d heard enough. He was getting his jacket and leaving. 

It took Jason a second to get his bearings. He’d never heard Ryan talk to him that way. Never. Not one time. He reminded himself that Ryan was probably still under the influence of the line he’d last snorted, and the aggressiveness was part of that. Not because Ryan hated him. 

“Hey,” he insisted, keeping himself between the door and Ryan while the other man stuffed his arms into his jacket. “I’m not telling you what to do. I mean, not the way you think. Rob’s place isn’t good for you, Ry. I took a bag of cocaine out of your jacket! That’s not you, none of this is.” He motioned up and down his ex-boyfriend’s body. “I’m not guilt tripping you. I’m trying to talk some sense into you. I don’t want you to leave, it’s not safe,” he said again, more firmly this time. 

The moment he heard the word _cocaine_ come out of Jason’s mouth, Ryan felt his cheeks burn and he looked away. Logically, he knew Jason had seen it. Jason was the one who left it with Rob, but hearing it said out loud was something different. Ryan’s heart was pounding. He knew he wasn’t making the best choices lately. He didn’t need Jason to tell him that. But he could also tell that Jason was upset, and an old familiar feeling came with that. 

He never wanted Jason to be upset, and he hated that he was the reason for it. Apparently. He let out a long breath, trying to calm down. If Jason wanted to give him a _Just Say No_ speech to make himself feel better, fine. Ryan would indulge him. For now. 

“It’s not as bad as you think,” he said, stepping over to the bed and slumping down. His head hurt. He rubbed a hand over his eyes before he looked at Jason, trying to focus on something other than the need that was getting stronger. “Is that all? Look, Jay, I appreciate the concern, but you can keep it. I can handle myself.” 

Cautiously, Jason followed Ryan over to the bed and sat on the opposite corner. “Chester called because he couldn’t find you, Ry. You weren’t answering his texts or calls, and he was worried sick about you. As soon as he told me you came into work high, I knew things weren’t good here. I know we haven’t talked in months, but I’ve wanted to.” He looked down, fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater. “I thought maybe you’d just moved on, and I didn’t want to interfere with that. But this isn’t what I wanted for you. Ry, you deserve to be happy, and this isn’t happy.”

Jason looked over Ryan’s slumped shoulders, his heart pounding and aching at the same time. “I don’t blame you for not wanting me here, but I came because I still care about you. Seeing you passed out on Rob’s floor scared me. I know you think you can handle yourself, but I’ve never known you to do drugs. Or to shut Chaz out. Come on, Ry,” he pleaded, hoping Ryan was listening. “We want to help.” 

“You care,” Ryan repeated under his breath. “I was going to go with you, Jay. I was going to give up everything to go with you.” He twisted and flashed Jason a glare. “But you didn’t want me. And when I saw that house - that home - that you built for you and Mike, that fucking hurt, Jay. It hurt, and you turned away from me, like I didn’t even matter. I needed you and you couldn’t even look at me.” 

He stood up. “Fuck this.” He needed to leave. He didn’t want to hear anything else. He made it four steps before he spun back around to see Jason stunned, still on the corner of the bed. “Not everyone gets to be happy, Jason. That’s what I’ve figured out. Love fucking disappears, so why try and chase it? Some people get lucky and some people get to eek their way through life alone. That’s me,” he said, pounding a finger to his chest. “Nobody wants me, so that’s fine. I’m better off.” 

Instantly Jason stood up. “You said you couldn’t stay. I wasn’t going to force you to do something you didn’t want to do, Ryan, not after everything that had happened. But I didn’t turn away from you because you didn’t matter, you’ve always mattered.” Jason crossed his arms over his chest. He thought about what Ryan just said, about happiness. “I know why you’re doing this to yourself. I did the same damn thing. You think you don’t deserve better. When you left that night I drank until I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I know I hurt you, but running out of here and getting high isn’t going to undo that!” 

Jason stepped forward to close the space between them, but he didn’t reach out. He was afraid of Ryan’s reaction, and it pained him to realize that. He’d never felt anything but safety in Ryan’s presence. “You’re not better alone. You’re going to kill yourself if you keep this up. I refuse to stand back and let you.” He looked at the door, and back at Ryan. “I swear to you, Ryan Shuck, if you walk out that door I’ll just come back and find you again. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” 

A hard silence fell between them as they locked eyes. For weeks - maybe months - Ryan had felt hopelessness pulling him under, inch by inch. It was almost a shock to his system to have Jason - his Jason - standing in front him, arguing for his safety and well-being. Not just arguing, but demanding. “I never wanted to get rid of you,” Ryan said, the rage that had been present moments ago gone, like he’d lost it somewhere. “The coke, it was just going to be one time. And then it was lots of times. I tried not to go back, but there’s nowhere else to go. I think I said terrible things to Talinda,” he admitted, and tears streamed down his face out of his control as he teetered, his legs unstable. 

Jason was frozen, the thought of Ryan feeling like he had nowhere else to go sinking into his stomach. No matter what conversation they had tonight, no matter how it went, as soon as Jason went back to Seattle, Ryan would go back to Rob. It didn’t matter if Ryan listened to him or not. The feeling of hopelessness was evident and the pull of the drugs and careless lifestyle would be strong. He knew staying in L.A. wasn’t going to work, not just because of Rob, but because he would eventually have to go back to the office.

With a deep breath, he reached out and put his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. Before he could change his mind, the words he was thinking came flowing out. “Ry? Come back to Seattle with me. Away from here for a little while. You can rest at my place and we’ll get things back on track.” He squeezed Ryan’s shoulder, hoping he would agree. There had been a lot of up and down emotions in the short span of time they’d been in the hotel. Jason thought he’d stand a better chance of getting through to Ryan if there was no way he could leave. No way to end up back at Rob’s. “We’ll go right now. I’ll take care of everything, hand me your wallet.” He waited for a moment, and Ryan didn’t move. “Come home with me, baby,” he encouraged, his voice barely above a whisper. 

The word _home_ echoed through Ryan’s jumbled thoughts. He didn’t have a home anymore, at least that was how it felt. His stomach hurt, and his head was pounding. The idea of getting on a plane was beyond daunting. He felt his nose running, and he pulled the wad of tissues from his jacket pocket. “Fuck,” he whimpered to himself. Sickness was at the door, and that wasn’t a pleasant thought. He’d been through it more than once as he’d tried to keep his distance from addiction, but it was getting harder and harder to fight. “I don’t feel well,” he told Jason, but he reached for his wallet anyway, handing it over. 

Jason took Ryan’s wallet, and bravely moved his hand from Ryan’s shoulder to brush over his hair quickly. “Let me text Chaz and we’ll get out of here.” He flipped Ryan’s wallet open to make sure he had his I.D. for the plane before he texted Chester quickly to tell him he had Ryan, and was taking him home. He’d go into more detail when they got to Seattle. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered to Ryan, picking up his bag and holding out his hand. “Let’s go before you change your mind.” 

****  
TBC


	20. STAY

Jason picked up his glass of water and set it back down without drinking it, before he absently did it again. He sighed and pushed it away, and turned back toward the coffee maker. He’d already had two cups, and his nerves were frayed, but he was going to make another. _Maybe the smell will wake him up. Maybe. Every time I’ve been in there Ry’s been sleeping so hard. I want him to wake up. I need him to wake up. I know I did the right thing, taking him away from there, but I’m not sure he’ll think so. He probably doesn’t even want to see me._

Thoughts from the day and night before, of finding Ryan and bringing him home, were unpleasant. Jason shook them away. That part was over. Ryan was clean and safe, and nestled into his bed. The rest was over. _I hope. I hope he’ll stay, at least long enough to talk. I don’t know anything about his life right now. I don’t know if he really doesn’t have anyone or anything to go back to anymore. Whatever he said to Talinda, it couldn’t have been so bad she’d throw him out. Ry’s never been mean._

Jason leaned against the counter as the coffee maker started to work, worrying. Bringing Ryan home had upset his entire routine. When it was obvious Ryan wasn’t going to be up to talk before work, Jason called in to take the day off. He was such an expert at faking headaches that it didn’t occur to him that he _didn’t_ have one until almost an hour after the call. He’d gone to peek into the bedroom again, only to find Blue snuggled up next to his ex-boyfriend and unwilling to move. Jason stood at the foot of the bed and drank in the sight of Ryan between his slate gray sheets, the dark blanket pulled close under his chin. It pinched at his heart to see how thin Ryan was, his always sexy scruff looking like it needed a trim. So did his hair, and Jason looked at the way it fanned over the pillowcase before he closed the door again.

All he’d done since was pace and wait. The coffee maker finished, and Jason poured a cup to take over to the windows while he waited and worried some more. It was a typical Seattle day, overcast and rainy, and cold. Jason could feel the chill the closer he got to the windows. _Come on, Ry. I want to talk some more. Wake up, please._

Upstairs, the light pitter-patter against the windows was slowly bringing Ryan out of his foggy sleep. His body ached, and he wasn’t sure if he could move his legs. Everything felt heavy. The sound of the rain, the feel of the clean silk sheets, the warm ball pressed against him - it was all unfamiliar as Ryan tried to place where he was as his eyes eased open. 

There was no brilliant sunlight shining through the windows, no ugly green shades or the nasal sound of Samantha O. telling him to get up. There was also no Talinda, or the girly music she was a fan of and often played through the apartment - sad songs by scorned women who wailed and cried as they told their stories. 

Everything he’d been used to over the last handful of months was absent, as Ryan’s memory slowly started to wake up. _Jay._ Ryan squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to remember, but only fragments were coming through. Flashes of Jason’s dark eyes as he looked at him at Rob’s apartment. Jason in a crowded place - the airport? Jason in an elevator, and then telling Ryan to lay down and rest. 

It was all jumbled in his head, a recourse from the lines of coke he’d done and the dope sickness he’d suffered through after, and Ryan wasn’t sure if it was a dream or a memory as he opened his eyes slowly. The dark sheets on the bed, the rain against the window, and the unfamiliar blue-gray color on the walls were the first things he saw. It was hard to look at, his head pounding. The smell around him was clean, but that was all he could tell, a small notation in his subconscious mind.

He waited a few seconds, listening to the rain before he went to sit up. The moment he moved, the warm, round heat source by his stomach meowed. Ryan looked down, his eyes opening as wide as they could go. “Hey,” he whispered to the Siamese kitten that was leaning back and looking at him. “Where did you come from, huh?” Ryan’s voice was hoarse, but he took a moment to put his hand out and let the cat sniff at his skin. “You have blue eyes, like me,” he mumbled, before a frown cusped his lips. _Jay doesn’t have a cat._

It was an alarming thought that maybe he was in a stranger's house. He sat up quickly, the cat moving with him. She was up now, purring as she pressed herself close to Ryan’s body. He looked around, trying to figure out where he was. What looked like closet doors, or maybe just doors hiding away a television or storage, were pulled closed, practically blending in with the wall. They were easy to miss if you weren’t paying attention. The bed was solid, but the dark sheets weren’t familiar. Neither was the slate gray headboard that looked almost built into the wall. The twin bedside tables, the chair in the corner where his leather jacket was neatly folded, was completely unknown. Ryan had never seen any of it before. 

He could feel his heart pounding as panic started to kick in. _Fuck. What did I do? God, it’s that stuff I snorted. I’ve got to stop doing that. Where the fuck am I?_ He twisted, ready to try and find his phone, when he realized he wasn’t even in his own clothes. He picked at the white t-shirt, and looked down at the pair of plain white boxers. He had no idea where any of it had come from, and his memories weren’t filling the information in. 

He looked back down at the cat, his fingers curling into the silky sheets as he got ready to bolt. Wherever he was - whoever he was with - he was ready to leave and get back to Rob’s, or even back to Talinda’s was better than this. _My phone._

It was a belated thought, and just as Ryan went to search for it, he stopped. His attention was momentarily captured as he stared at the framed picture on the wall, hanging just above the white cloth armchair in the corner. Ryan tilted his head as he studied the sunset photograph of a rose garden, the light picking up the delicate red and pink flowers that were in full bloom. The grumpy looking garden gnome with the long pipe and a yellow butterfly on his blue pointed hat sat at the bottom of the photo, and Ryan recognized the image immediately. “Jay,” he whispered, his hand going to his face as he felt over his growing beard, like he was trying to make sure he was awake. 

He looked around, but nothing else looked familiar. Nothing else said Jason Wakefield. “Jay,” Ryan said again, this time at a normal tone, right when he spotted a magazine sitting on the bedside table. _Young Techs_. He reached for it, his eyes zeroing in on the small white address label in the bottom left hand corner. _Jason Akio._

Jason was at the bottom of another cup of coffee and couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to go check on Ryan again. _Just to make sure he’s still okay._ He left his mug on the bar and took the stairs quietly again, for what was probably the tenth time that morning. It was an unconscious habit to pat over his hair, and he did, before he straightened his long sleeved pajama shirt and cracked open the door.

It only took him a moment to realize that Ryan was awake, half sitting up in his bed. Jason felt his heart beat a little faster. The look on Ryan’s face was a mix of apprehension and confusion. “Hey,” he called softly, and two pairs of blue eyes flashed his way immediately. “Do you mind if I come in?”

Seeing Jason wasn’t something Ryan’s heart was ready for. He quickly took in his dark hair, and the oversized pajamas he was wearing, that looked comfortable and expensive. It had been months since he’d laid eyes on Jason, even though Ryan knew he must have seen him yesterday. “Of course,” Ryan managed to say as he sat himself up straighter. He stayed still as Jason came in and sat down on the edge of bed, down by his knees. It was unreal, like Ryan was caught in a dream. The missing pieces to reality were far away, and the harder Ryan tried to fish them to the surface, the more impossible it seemed. 

He looked down at the magazine before he held it up. “Jason Akio? You haven’t gone by that name in a long time.” He dropped their eye contact as he leaned over to leave the magazine back on the nightstand. “I always liked it better.” 

So many words came to Jason’s lips, but none of it was important in the moment. He hoped they would have time to talk about why he’d finally dropped Mark’s surname later. “Thanks. It was time,” he said lightly, his eyes never leaving Ryan. Jason watched as Ryan looked over the bedroom, and down at Blue, before looking back at him. “She’s been with you ever since we got home last night. Her name is Blue.” He reached out to try to tickle his cat’s tail, but she was too far away from him, her focus on Ryan.

“She’s cute,” Ryan said. The tense feeling between them was uneasy. He still couldn’t believe he was with Jason in Seattle. He looked around the room again before settling his attention back on his ex. “A cat on a houseboat. That’s different.” 

“Houseboat?” Jason echoed, confused for a split second. “Oh! Ry, we’re in downtown Seattle. I moved after… after the last time I saw you.” He finally looked down at the blanket, trying to figure out what to say. The last time they were together felt so far away. He’d tucked those memories into a corner of his mind and tried not to think about how much it hurt when Ryan left. Part of what he’d had to deal with in his therapy was that feeling of abandonment, and trying to look at what happened from Ryan’s perspective. Ryan hadn’t abandoned him, he just hadn’t been able to stay. Jason was the one who had abandoned them.

He cleared his throat. “We can talk about all of that later, if you want. But you’re ten floors up right now. Nice and quiet and private. How are you feeling?” he dared to ask. “You’ve been sleeping hard.” 

That wasn’t a lie. Ryan could feel the sleep still in his body as he tried to piece together Jason’s words. He had no idea what time it was, and supposedly he was ten floors up from the busy streets of Seattle. “You moved from the houseboat?” he asked, scratching his head, and then around to his cheek and chin as he tried to remember. He didn’t recall coming into an apartment building last night. It was hard to recall anything about the last twenty-four hours. “I’m, I’m not sure how I feel.” 

Without another word, he shoved the sheet away to try and stand up. His bladder was suddenly pressing on him, his head light. “I think I need to go to the bathroom.” 

Jason stood up and offered his hand. “Do you need some help? The bathroom is over there.” He pointed across the room, around on the other side of the bed. Ryan wasn’t looking the most stable, but Jason could feel the awkwardness between them. He didn’t know if Ryan needed him or not, and he didn’t want to be pushy. Even though he’d helped Ryan in the bathroom last night, Jason didn’t want to assume his assistance was wanted now that Ryan seemed to be coherent. _I’ve already dragged him to Seattle. He’s not thrilled with that._ “Come on, I’ll walk you over, and you can do the rest.”

Ryan let himself be led, and a few seconds later he was in the bathroom, the frosted glass door closing behind him. He spotted the toilet, and made his way right to it, shoving the white boxers down as he went. His hand pressed against the tiled wall as he relieved himself, his head spinning a little, so he forced himself to keep his eyes open. 

He flushed the toilet before he turned and looked around the master bathroom. It was upscale, with double vanities, a walk through shower that was bigger than any shower he’d ever seen - complete with double shower heads - and a closet to the far side. His eyes narrowed as he took a step closer and briefly looked over the mostly empty space. Bare shelving and empty hooks. For a second, his mind went to Chester, and how if he lived here, every stitch of closet space would be full. 

Ryan shook that away as he stepped up to one of the double white sinks. He willingly looked at himself in the mirror for the first time in what seemed like months. His bloodshot eyes, the dark circles that fell below them, the sallow color of his skin, his shaggy hair and overgrown scruff. He looked three steps from begging on the streets of Seattle. Or L.A. “Fuck,” he hissed as he shut his eyes and shut out his refleciton. 

He took a minute, breathing in the clean scent of the bathroom before he turned on the water. He washed his hands, and splashed some water over his face before he found the hand towel nearby and dried off. He brushed his hands over the white t-shirt he’d been dressed in. _I’m guessing Jay put this on me. He knows white isn’t my color._

The thought made him laugh, his head going back as he looked up at the ceiling. _God, I’m ridiculous._ His thoughts went quiet for a minute before reality crept back in. He wasn’t in L.A. He was hundreds of miles from what he knew. From the people he knew. His body was still sick, and he licked his lips as he wished for a strong drink, since he knew that was the best he was going to get where he was. 

He headed for the door, and he wasn’t surprised to see Jay hovering closeby. “Nice bathroom,” Ryan mumbled as he stepped past Jason and headed for the armchair, picking up his leather jacket. He checked the pockets for his phone, but it wasn’t there. 

Watching Ryan as he went through his pockets made Jason nervous. “Your stuff is downstairs,” he offered, staying out of the way. “I wanted to make sure you got some sleep. Your phone kept getting texts and I didn’t want it to wake you up.” He’d taken Ryan’s phone for safekeeping at the airport, and it had been silent until this morning. He’d leaned over it and watched notifications from Chester and Talinda roll in, but nothing from the people he’d been with when Jason found him. It made Jason sad more than angry that it had been so easy to take Ryan away from them. “Would you like for me to go get it? I don’t think you should try going downstairs yet. I can bring you some coffee back with it.”

Ryan’s first reaction was to say no. To scoff at Jason’s concern. He was a grown man. He could walk down some stairs and get his stuff. But when it came time to actually act on those thoughts, he couldn’t. He made it three steps, and sank down onto the end of the bed, his jacket squeezed between his hands as he looked up. So many pieces were missing. He’d woken up at Rob’s or in his car before without really remembering how he’d gotten to those places. One morning it was at Samantha O.’s. But this time he’d woken up in a different state, far from home. “What happened?” He shook his head back and forth. “We’re in Seattle?” 

“Yeah.” Jason leaned against the wall, and sighed. It wasn’t the first time he was retelling the story since he’d found Ryan. “Chaz called me, Ry. He was worried sick about you and he couldn’t find you. You weren’t answering his calls. He told me what happened at Score,” he rushed on, trying to give a quick synopsis before Ryan cut him off. “There was just a lot, and he needed help. I came down to L.A., and I found you, passed out at Rob’s.” He cautiously walked toward the bed, leaving an arm’s worth of space between them as he sat down. “You weren’t doing so well, and I just wanted to get you somewhere safe. I’m not sure you remember, but you agreed to come. I didn’t just decide for you,” he defended prematurely. Ryan hadn’t said anything, he was just staring at his jacket. Jason held his breath and waited. 

So much of what Jason said, didn’t click in Ryan’s head. He had a small memory of Jason’s face at Rob’s, but there was nothing else. He didn’t remember agreeing to come to Seattle, or to going anywhere with Jason. The idea that things had gotten so out of hand that Chester had called on Jason for help was almost unbelievable. “Chaz called you?” he whispered, not looking over. “I almost can’t believe that.” 

Chester had said a lot to Jason, most of it in a state of panic. “Yeah. I’m glad he did.” Jason reached over and put his hand on Ryan’s jacket. “Why don’t you get back in the bed, Ry? I’ll bring you some coffee, and your phone if you want it, and we can talk more or you can sleep, whatever you need. But you look miserable sitting there. You must be cold.” He waited again for Ryan to make a decision, hoping he wasn’t about to get up and walk out the door. “I want you to stay.”

Ryan’s head jerked around at Jason’s words. It was hard to think straight when there were so many holes in the current reality. But Jason was clear and clean with what he’d just said. At least for now, Ryan was wanted. “Laying down is probably good,” he mumbled. He turned to look behind him, his eyes landing on Blue. “She’s cute. And warm.” He went to get up, to round the bed like a normal person, but instead he ended up on all fours, crawling to the top and collapsing. He was so tired. Despite the heavy sleep he’d just woken from, he felt like he could sleep for a year more. The lack of coke in his system was taking its toll. 

Jason watched Blue snuggle right up next to Ryan again before he got up and put the leather jacket back in the chair. He hesitated, wondering what to do next, if he should go get the coffee, the phone, or neither. It didn’t seem like it would take long for Ryan to pass out, so neither seemed like the right option. He walked around the side of the bed and looked down at the back of Ryan’s head, a soft smile touching his lips at the way his ex’s arms were shoved up under the pillows. Jason reached out and gently touched Ryan’s hair. “Ry? Let me cover you up. You’re laying on the blankets.” 

It was work to move, to roll and twist and sit back up a little before Ryan was covered and snuggled up. Blue was next to him as he opened his eyes, just for a second. Just long enough to see Jason standing close. “Would you sit with me?” he asked. “I’m in your bed with a cat. You can sit with us...Jason Akio.” 

A bigger smile hit Jason’s face. The tease in Ryan’s voice was the first thing he’d said that sounded like the Ryan he knew. _Jason’s Ryan,_ he decided, in the same way Talinda had called him _Ryan’s Jason._ “You think you can manage to make a space for me?” He watched Ryan scoot over a little, and he could have sworn Blue gave him an exasperated look when she, too, had to move over a little. Jason tugged one of the pillows up to the headboard and climbed in bed next to them. He stayed on top of the blankets and leaned back into the pillow, trying to be respectful of Ryan’s space, but without thinking his hand went right back to Ryan’s hair. He slid his fingers into the dark, clean strands and lightly scratched at Ryan’s scalp. “I’ll stay as long as you want,” he whispered.

Ryan’s conscious mind was already shutting down. He loved the feel of Jason’s fingers in his hair. It was an added element sending him quicker into the depths of sleep. An affectionate touch that he’d been missing for months. “Sleep with me,” he mumbled, one hand reaching out to touch Jason’s leg. Or he thought it was Jason’s leg. He wasn’t sure, and he wasn’t aware enough to make sure he was right. 

_Sleep with me._ Jason wasn’t sure if Ryan even knew what he’d said. He looked down and felt his stomach flutter with nervous indecision. Staying where he was would be the safe choice, but Jason wanted to slide down next to Ryan and put his arm around him. The past twenty four hours had been hard. He wanted to feel his body heat and drift along in dreams, too. He wanted to do whatever Ryan wanted, and what Ryan wanted was for Jason to sleep with him. 

“Okay,” he said softly, though he wasn’t sure it was loud enough for Ryan to hear. Jason lifted the blanket and sheet and slid into the space next to Ryan, pulling the covers up close around them before he turned and carefully draped his arm across Ryan’s chest. He let his fingers rub softly over his own white t-shirt that Ryan was wearing, and closed his eyes. “Sweet dreams, Ry,” he whispered. The body heat he’d been enticed by lulled him into a comfortable, semi-conscious state quickly, despite all the coffee he’d consumed. Being next to Ryan felt like being complete again, and he didn’t want to waste a second of it. There was no way to know how long it would last. 

****

Chester paced the small space of the kitchen, which overwhelmingly smelled like Snickerdoodles cookies. He checked his watch, and then his phone, but neither gave any comfort. _He hasn’t called. He hasn’t texted me back. I know Jay said they got there okay, but why isn’t he answering?_

Chester stopped in the middle of the kitchen, his focus on the tiled floor and Cheese, who had laid down to watch him pace and wait for any dropped food over an hour ago. _Jay said he was really out of it. That he didn’t even know what was going on. It’s the same thing Talinda said when he came into Score. That he was all messed up._

He wiped his hand over the corner of his eye. He didn’t want to cry, not from worry or anything else. He’d already been up half the night, sick with anxiety over what was happening and how he wasn’t there. He wasn’t the one to find Ryan or the one to get him away from Rob and whatever was going on in the Silver Lake neighborhood that Ryan had become a frequenter of. Jason had taken over, and even though Chester knew that was solely his fault, since he was the one who had called on Jason for help, it didn’t make him worry any less. Not knowing exactly what was happening was worse.

He checked his phone again, but there was still nothing. Nothing from Ryan or even from Jason. He flipped over to his text thread with the latter to see the last exchange given.

**Jason:** _We landed in Seattle. I’m going to get Ry home, cleaned up and in bed to rest._

**Chester:** _Thanks, Jay. Let me know how he’s doing in the morning. I wish I was there to help._

That had been it. Jason’s texts had gone silent, and Chester wasn’t sure if that was because he had his hands full with taking care of Ryan, or because he was purposely keeping Chester an arms length away from the situation. 

_It doesn’t matter. The result is the same. Someone needs to tell me what’s going on._ He racked his fingers through his tight, dark curls just as his nose told him the next batch of cookies were done. He spun around, grabbed his lobster claw oven mitt and opened the oven. The fresh smell of cinnamon hit him immediately, and he smiled. Baking was helping. At least a little. It was something else for him to try and focus on.   
He set them on the counter before grabbing his spatula to get them on the cooling rack. _I need another plate._

Once they were off the hot pan, he quickly rolled out the next batch, plopping twelve neatly made balls of cookie dough in three lines. They went in the oven, and Chester set his mental timer as he turned around. His attention hit the six other plates of cookies, scattered around the counters and the bar. His shoulders slumped. They were going to be eating Snickerdoodles for days. _Good thing they’re Mike’s favorite._

His attention slowly drifted out of the kitchen and to his boyfriend, who was sitting on the couch, surrounded by books. There was one on his lap, two open on the coffee table, and one next to him on the couch. Mike had a number two pencil clenched between his teeth as he sat with his head down, reading. His notebook was on top of the books in front of him, and now and again he’d lean forward and scrawl a quick note before he would go back to reading. The fall semester was almost over, and Mike had tests he had to take over the next few days before Christmas break. Chester knew how important they were. But it also meant that his boyfriend was preoccupied - busy to the point of being in his own world - and that meant Chester was left to do most of the worrying on his own. 

He wrapped his arms around his middle and turned around, the small of his back resting against the bar as he stared at the oven door. He was exhausted, but his mind wouldn’t let him sleep. His stomach was in knots, so actually eating the cookies he’d spent his morning on, or anything else for that matter, was out of the question. He crossed his legs as he leaned against the bar, his head down as he stared at his black and pink striped socks and his light blue jeans that fit him like a glove. The hem of his pink t-shirt barely fell over his beltline, and even though the kitchen was warm from the oven, Chester shivered. The thought to go put on something with long sleeves hit, but he didn’t have the gumption to go change. He wanted Ryan to text him back. Or Jason. Someone. 

****

Ryan wasn’t sure what time it was when he opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was the back of Jason’s head. _Jay._ It was less of a conscious thought and more of a sleepy idea. The body in front of him was warm, and Ryan snuggled in closer just as he heard thunder rumble all around them. It brought a shiver through Ryan’s body as he shoved his face a little deeper into the pillow, which was about the time he realized the cat was there. 

He opened one eye, looking up. Blue was on their pillows, stretched out and sleeping, her weight touching their heads. Ryan almost laughed. _What a silly cat. Or maybe all cats are like that._ His attention went back to Jason, his heart heaving a heavy sigh. Their bodies were pressed together, Jason’s ass snuggled against him, their legs tangled. _Guess old habits die hard._

It was an aching thought as Ryan closed his eyes but only for a minute. He knew he couldn’t stay. He wasn’t even in the right city. He needed to get up, find his clothes and his phone and then head back to L.A.

Thoughts of his bank account hit next. He was going to have to buy a plane ticket to get home. A flood of things followed, the reality of the last few days - losing his job at Score. Where was his car? He didn’t even know. Chester. Talinda. He was going to have to face them both, and apologize to them for being a crappy friend and an even worse employee. _Talinda will probably kick me out after what happened. God, what was I thinking going into work loaded?_

Shame crossed Ryan’s stomach and he sat up, leaving Jason and Blue on the pillows behind him. He dropped his head into his hands as he listened to the thunderstorm happening outside. There was a lot that needed to be done, and it all felt like too much. Even the simple act of getting out of bed and finding his clothes seemed exhausting, let alone managing to get home.

Jason’s words came back to him. _I was so bad off, Chazzy had to call Jay for help. He must have been out of his mind with worry to do that. What have I done? I don’t ever want Chaz to worry over me. And Jay…_ He twisted slowly around, his eyes falling over Jason’s sleeping face and the tan pajamas he didn’t recognize. _It was so bad he came looking for me. He came for me. He came to get me._

It was overwhelming, and embarrassing, and Ryan was still trying to comprehend that he’d let himself get so far down that it took a group effort to get him back up. A brief thought of Rob drifted in next, but Ryan shoved that away. He knew he could disappear off the face of the Earth, and Rob Bourdon probably wouldn’t even notice. That in itself was sickening as Ryan’s eyes drifted over Jason’s familiar face. The last time they’d seen each other in Seattle, everything had fallen apart. Jason had been cold, and acted like he didn’t care one way or the other how Ryan was feeling. If he stayed or if he went. _He didn’t even tell me goodbye...but he came for me. He went all the way to L.A. to find me and bring me back. Why? What changed?_

He looked away from his ex-boyfriend and around the room again. The reality that they weren’t on the houseboat - the home Jason had bought with the intentions of sharing his life with Mike Shinoda - hit. _He moved. Why? It wasn’t that long ago. Was Mike’s name on the houseboat?_

He didn’t know. When it came to all things Seattle, and the details in the plans and reality of how it went down, he was in the dark. He’d never asked, and Jason had never offered the information, and neither had Chester. Ryan scratched his fingers over his chin, and then his hair. He suddenly felt hairy, and even though he could smell that he was clean, he felt dirty. His stomach was uneasy, and he knew there were a plethora of reasons why. He’d been drinking a lot as of late. Beer for breakfast or a couple shots of vodka in the morning to take the edge off things had become normal. He didn’t have that now, and it was worrisome. Not to mention the lack of coke. 

His hands were shaking a little as he went to get up. He needed his phone. He needed to get dressed and figure out how to get back to L.A. The thunder outside roared again, along with a flash of lightning, and it halted Ryan for a second, his body only halfway out from under the blankets, like it was telling him to stop. 

“Ry?” Jason felt the bed move behind him and he turned over, onto his back. His pajama top twisted and he reached up to fix it as Blue stretched over his head. He’d been sleeping hard with Ryan against his back, and he felt groggy. Jason rubbed his eyes and looked at Ryan’s slouched shoulders. “You okay?”

“I...I need to go,” Ryan said as he scooted further from Jason and got out of the bed. His stomach was empty, and for the first time in what seemed like days, he felt the pangs from that. He held himself for a minute as he tried to get his mind straight. Food would have to wait. “I need my clothes,” he said, looking back towards the bed. It was hard to look at Jason, knowing he knew how bad off things had gotten. _He was at Rob’s. He knows how it was there. Did he talk to Rob? To Samantha O? God, I hope not. What did they say?_ He looked away quickly, shame crossing his face. “I’m sorry Chaz dragged you into this. I’ll go.” 

Jason was up quickly, and Blue gave him a dirty look, hopping up and climbing over the blankets to get to Ryan. “No, no, don’t leave. You need something to eat. Breakfast. Lunch!” he corrected himself. “Chaz didn’t drag me, I was worried, too. All the stuff he told me, Ry, I don’t want you to go back to that. Just stay, okay? I’ll make some toast.” He stepped around the bed to stand closer to Ryan. They were within arms length of each other, but Jason wrapped his arms around himself. Ryan didn’t look welcoming, despite how they’d been sleeping. 

Ryan’s hand went to his forehead. He wasn’t sure what was more difficult to handle, Jason pleading with him to stay or the feeling that he didn’t belong here, and with that came the need to bolt. Being with Jason in Seattle, that was never the plan. It was never meant for him. _So why is he asking me to stay? Out of pity and concern? I don’t need that._

He took a few steps towards the door, ready to tell Jason no thank you. He was going to get his clothes and call for a ride to the airport. He’d figure the rest out later. He managed to get Jason’s name out, before he teetered on his heels and slumped back onto the bed, his balance lost in that few seconds. Blue was right at his side the moment he did. “I’m shaking,” he mumbled, more to himself than to Jason. He raised his hand, and watched it tremble. “I don’t know when I ate last.” He sat for a minute, breathing hard before he looked up at Jason, who looked worried, his face pale. It pinched Ryan’s heart on a deeper level. The last person he ever wanted to distress was Jason. “Maybe toast would be good. And water. Anything you have.” 

“I’ll bring it to you,” Jason agreed quickly. His heart was racing as he looked Ryan over. He really didn’t know how much cocaine Ryan had snorted the day before, or for how long it had been going on, despite Chester trying to catch him up. All he knew was Ryan looked awful, and his whole body looked worn. “ _Please,_ Ry, just stay in bed. You’re not well. Let me help.” He reached down to lift the blankets again. “If you don’t want to lay all the way down, I’ll put my pillows behind your back. But just stay here with Blue.” He reached over, holding his hand over Ryan’s forehead. “You’re clammy. Maybe you have a fever.” Jason squinted in thought. He really didn’t know what to do, but he knew Ryan didn’t need to be up and moving around. 

If Ryan would have had more strength, he would have objected. But he didn’t. He nodded, before he carefully eased himself off the bed. He watched as Jason pulled the blankets back, and climbed in. “I can do this,” he said, keeping his voice as calm as he could. He watched Jason hesitate, but then he was gone, out the bedroom door. Ryan scooted himself back and shoved a pillow behind him, as Blue came up to join him. She didn’t hesitate to put a paw on his leg, and then her whole body as she climbed on. 

Ryan let out a sigh as he petted the cream and brown colored kitten. She was purring, rubbing her face against his hand as he did. “Guess you’ll have to put up with me for a little longer,” he whispered to the cat. His eyes shut for a second. He hated being a burden, but he also had to admit that Jason was right. He really needed to stay in bed. He felt over his forehead. _He’s right. I’m clammy._ He looked towards the open bedroom door. He had no idea where Jason was, if he was down a hallway, or in the next room or on another floor. He could only hope some aspirin would be coming back with the toast.

A million thoughts rushed through Jason’s head as he went downstairs and got busy. It was still raining, coming down harder now, and he decided to put on more coffee. _I know I’ve had a lot. Maybe Ry wants some. And water, too._ He looked around the kitchen for something to carry everything upstairs on, and his eyes stopped on the shallow dark brown tray under his canister set. That was all he had, and he moved the canisters off quickly before setting a glass of water and a bottle of Advil on it. While the coffee percolated he dropped two slices of bread in the toaster, and got the butter out of the refrigerator. He considered himself somewhat of a toast expert at this point, and he grabbed a knife while he waited.

_He’s in bad shape. I knew he was yesterday, but I thought he’d sleep it off. He needs to eat. And rest. He keeps trying to leave. I don’t want him to leave._ Jason looked over at the bar, where Ryan’s wallet and phone were, exactly where he’d left them last night. He didn’t really want to take Ryan his phone, but decided it was better to just give it to him than to have him constantly trying to come downstairs for it. _Maybe he’ll understand how serious this all is after he talks to Chaz. Though Chaz said before they weren’t really talking anymore. Maybe he’s not wanting to talk to Chaz. Maybe he wants to talk to Rob. Well, he’s not calling Rob._

The current state of Ryan’s affairs was so confusing, and Jason didn’t know how to start unraveling it all. The toaster popped, and he quickly smeared a thin layer of butter over each slice and put the plate on the tray. Next was two coffee cups, one black and one toffee colored. He’d poured less coffee in Ryan’s to begin with, and it pained him to put cream and sugar in it, but he made it exactly the way he knew Ryan liked. Jason put both cups on the tray and looked at it. _I guess he still likes his coffee that way. I don’t know. He’s almost like a stranger right now. I never thought I’d ever find him in a place like Rob’s._

Jason picked up the tray and carried it carefully back up the stairs, his mind still racing around trying to figure out what to say and how to say it to make Ryan stay. The last thing he wanted was for his ex to go back to L.A. and right back to what seemed like a very bad lifestyle.

He nudged open the door with his foot and went inside the bedroom. It was good to see Ryan doing what he’d asked, resting in bed. Blue was right there with him, looking perfectly content as a stranger stroked her fur. Jason set the tray down on the bedside table and sat down. He reached over for the water first, and handed it to Ryan. “Here. I brought some Advil up too, if you want some.”

Ryan didn’t say anything as he accepted both. He swallowed two little pills, followed by a long drink of water. It felt good, rushing through his system. He wasn’t sure how long ago it had been since he’d had straight water. Before he realized it, it was gone. He handed the glass back to Jason. “Thanks. I think I needed that.” He could smell the toast, and his stomach ached for it. A small smile drifted over his lips as Jason handed him the plate next. He looked down at the way Jason had put just a smattering of butter on each piece, and then cut them both in half, diagonally. He looked up at Jason’s dark eyes, watching him. It was only a second of eye contact before he glanced over at the tray, and the two cups of coffee - one black and one caramel colored. “Are you going to sit with me?” he asked, hoping Jason would stay and talk. Talking seemed like the best way to maybe finish piecing together how things had gone. 

“I told you, I’ll stay as long as you want me to, Ry.” Jason leaned over and picked up his coffee, then rearranged himself on the side of the bed - one leg bent and tucked up underneath him, the other hanging off the bed. He’d watched Ryan inhale the water, and the toast wasn’t lasting long, either. There was an urge to wipe away the crumbs on Ryan’s face, but Jason just watched, his fingers wrapped safely around his mug.

Despite everything, Jason was still sitting close, and Ryan didn’t miss that fact. He stared down at his toast. It was almost gone. He wrestled with what to say. They couldn’t just sit and feel awkward. “Did you tell Chaz and Talinda I’m here?” he asked. “They both worry, and then they talk to each other and they worry even more.” He had his last triangle of toast in hand as he looked at Jason, trying to read his face. “Did you meet Talinda? I’m sorry, Jay, it’s fuzzy how it went.” 

“They know you’re here,” Jason reassured Ryan first, before he sipped his coffee. “I brought your phone up, if you want it. I think they’ve sent you some messages this morning.” He took the empty plate when Ryan passed it to him and set it on the tray, thinking he should have made more toast. “I met her briefly… Chaz took me over to her place when we were trying to, um, figure out where Rob lived.” Jason looked over and flushed under Ryan’s stare. “I’m sorry, I know it’s invasive. I know it’s not really my right anymore, but I was worried, too. Ry, you were really out of it last night. That’s not like you.” _At least not like the Ryan I know,_ Jason amended silently. 

Ryan’s eyes dropped immediately. He wasn’t in denial. He knew he’d been headed down the wrong path for a while. It was the main reason he dodged Chester so much. The reason he spent more nights at Rob’s lately than at Talinda’s. It was the reason it was so hard to look Jason in the eyes. “I know,” he whispered, a mix of guilt and embarrassment crossing his insides. “There was a party,” he said, his voice low as he thought back over the last six months. “It was right after you left to move here. Noah moved in with Amir, officially, and they had people over. The guys from YRS, and then some of Amir’s co-workers from Carnal Delights. I didn’t want to go. I was pretty down after seeing you and how our night didn’t work out.” 

He looked over, just for a second to see that Jason was listening. “But it was for Amir. I wanted to be a good friend. I got there and there were all these couples...Amir and Noah, Devon and Caleb, Chaz and Mike.” He paused, sucking in the air at the mention of Mike’s name, though it didn’t seem to phase Jason, at least not on the outside. “And I didn’t have anyone. For the first time in a really, really long time, I was the single one among us. Rob was there. He was making drinks and he flirted with me. I figured it would be a fling. A one night stand that I was going to pass off as just me being lonely. But he called me a few days later. We hung out again. And again. And again,” he mumbled with a shrug of his shoulders. “He’s into a lot of shit. It just came along with everything else. I never planned on getting involved in some of that. He doesn’t care. None of them do. That makes it easier somehow. I can fuck up and no one cares. I can not show up, and they don’t care. At first all the not caring felt like a relief. Like a break from real life. But...it’s been harder and harder to go back where people care. Where they’re worried and disappointed.” He looked up at the ceiling, waiting for Jason to say something to his rambles that he wasn’t even sure were making sense. 

Jason wasn’t sure where to start. It hurt to think about Ryan being so lost that he felt like Rob and all the _things_ that came with him was the only choice he had. Knowing that it was his fault, that every choice Ryan had made after the night they parted ways in Seattle was because he’d ended their relationship made it worse. “I’m sorry, Ry.” His eyes dropped to his coffee again. There was so much to say, and he wasn’t even sure this was the right time for it. Another rumble of thunder caught his attention, and he turned his head. Rain in Seattle was typically moody, not stormy, and he still wasn’t used to hearing thunderstorms. It seemed fitting for how he felt at the moment. Mixed up and unsure. He reached out, his hand landing on Ryan’s forearm. “If I’d asked you to stay, none of that would have happened.”

Jason’s touch brought Ryan’s attention down from the ceiling. “Why didn’t you? Jay, I know we had plans and I’m the one that made the decision to break them, but, it felt like it didn’t matter to you either way.” 

Their eye contact was intense. They had talked about this exact thing last night, but it was clear Ryan didn’t remember. It was almost nightmarish to have to repeat himself again, but Jason soldiered on, putting himself right back into that memory. He remembered the beginning of that night, and how awkward things were between them as Ryan helped Mike take his stuff out of the houseboat. He remembered how Ryan had refused to even smile at him. Ryan had been the one to decide to leave, and Jason drank himself to the bottom of a bottle afterwards. He’d already told Ryan as much.

It was all things he wished he didn’t have to think about again, much less say out loud. “I didn’t think I should. You made it clear the minute you walked in that night that you were done. You wouldn’t even look at me. I remember,” Jason recalled quietly, picking out the words he wanted to say carefully. “And when you told me you weren’t staying, and why, I didn’t think I had any right to ask you to stay. It hurt, Ry. I wanted you to stay, but I understood why you couldn’t. It wouldn’t have been right of me to ask you to do that. But I cared. I didn’t want you to see me cry. I only wanted you to stay if you wanted to, I didn’t want it to be like, a pity thing. That wouldn’t have done either of us any good.” He finally looked down at his hand as he ran it down to Ryan’s fingers softly. “I thought maybe it would be best to just leave the last good memory between us right then. The night in L.A.”

Ryan followed Jason’s hand, watching as his ex-boyfriend cupped their fingers together lightly. “It wasn’t you I didn’t want to look at. It was that place. It was everything that hurt.” He looked up with a hard sigh, admiring the shape of Jason’s lips, and the color of his skin and how it complimented his black eyes. “I’ve never, ever been with you out of pity, Jay.” He shook his head slowly. “There’s always been a lot of emotions between us, but that’s never been one of them.” 

“You left, and I sat out on the deck and finished off that bottle of wine I was drinking.” Jason shivered, remembering how cold it had been in the rain, and how numb his entire body felt while he nursed his pain with alcohol. He looked at Blue, who was very content next to Ryan, and took his turn shaking his head. “That’s when she came along. This tiny, wet ball of fluff. As miserable looking as I felt inside. You know I’ve never been a cat person, but she looked at me with those eyes and all I could think of was you. Cats don’t usually have blue eyes, Ry.” He looked over and offered Ryan a smile. “I thought it was a sign, that I was meant to find her because I’d lost you. She’s been keeping me company ever since. She’s a great listener, if you ever want to talk to her.” 

Ryan looked over at Blue. He couldn’t deny she was her own kind of comfort. “I think that was my first words to her already,” he admitted as he reached over with his free hand and stroked her back. “I told her we have the same eyes.” He let out a long breath, leaving the purring cat be. “I’m glad you’re not here alone. I’ve thought about texting or calling you a few times, but, there didn’t seem to be a point.” 

“I’ve done that, too.” Jason leaned over and put his coffee cup down. He had to drop Ryan’s hand to do it, and then he wasn’t sure if he should take it back or not. “Almost texted. This one time, I followed a guy down the street until I could see him because he looked so much like you from behind.” He stopped and let out a self-deprecating chuckle. “That sounds stalkerish, doesn’t it?” 

Ryan raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know. Did you actually talk to this other-Ryan?” 

“Nooo.” Jason shook his head. “It wasn’t you. I mean, you know that. But…” He looked away again. It was so hard to look at each other, and Jason wished it wasn’t. “It’s never you, Ry. Not until yesterday. Not until I found you, and even as high as you were, you still knew me.” Jason wanted that to mean something, but he wasn’t sure that it did. He wasn’t sure about anything other than he wanted to find the right words to get Ryan to stay this time. 

Thunder hit outside, and it was a blessed distraction for Ryan as he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. Even though he couldn’t remember it, he hated that Jason had seen him like that, trapped between a high and a stupor, which was always the worst place to be. It always left Ryan feeling completely out of it, and irrational. He never wanted anyone he cared about to see him like that. 

But Jason had seen him, and Ryan knew there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn’t even remember enough of yesterday’s events to downplay it. “I still can’t believe you came and got me. I can’t believe Chaz called you. I can’t believe I got fired.” He let out a huff. He didn’t want to say it out loud, but the realization that he’d now been fired from his last two jobs hit. It was one more kick while he was down. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that,” he mumbled instead, staring down at the end of the bed. His legs were hidden under the blanket, but Jason’s weren’t. Jason’s white socks were sticking out the bottoms of his tan pajama pants, looking very five-year-old like. It made Ryan smile for half a second. 

“I hope I don’t have to again.” Jason reached over for Ryan’s hand again. “I don’t want to see you hurt yourself. I know we can’t undo all of that in a day, but just being away from all of that, it has to be a good thing.” He laced his fingers through Ryan’s and squeezed lightly. “I’ll help, you know. If you want my help.” He knew offering so bluntly to keep Ryan from the poor decision he’d been making, to help him sober up, was risky. _Saying that might make him mad at me. Chaz was sure Ry didn’t even know he had a problem. Not a real one, anyway._ Jason ducked his head to try to catch Ryan’s eyes, but they were focused somewhere behind him. “Ry? You can stay for a while, away from all of that.” 

There was a part of Ryan that knew Jason was right. Physically being away from Rob, from that apartment and everything that went on there, would be the healthy choice. But there was another part of him that ached to be there. That wanted to be in the midst of the world he’d fallen into, the place where nothing mattered. He wasn’t sure which would win, the logical side that knew he needed a change or the carnal side that was missing everything at the moment. 

His conversations with Jason had been the most talking he’d done in months, and it was exhausting. “I can’t hide here,” he finally said, looking down at their linked hands. The gesture seemed familiar, like they’d done it recently, but he couldn’t remember holding hands with Jason since their night at the hotel six months ago. “I have my stuff in L.A. and my car.” 

The mental image of his beloved Lotus shot through his mind and he looked over quickly, trying to see around Jason. “Would you hand me my phone? I need to text Chaz.” 

Jason quietly handed it over and Ryan was quick to look through the few texts from Chester and Talinda, both of them checking up on him. He shot Talinda a text first, apologizing and assuring her he was okay, just very tired and he would call her later. He was hoping that would be enough for her to leave him alone for a while. He wasn’t sure yet what he’d say once they did talk. One piece of his memory told him he’d done her wrong, that he’d been nasty to her, but he couldn’t quite remember what had happened with that either. 

Chester was easier. They’d been through a lot in their years of friendship. Ryan hated that Chester had worried to the point of calling Jason, but that was a conversation for a different time. 

**Ryan:** _I’m okay. I’m here sitting in bed with Jason. Eating toast and talking. I’m sorry about all this, Chazzy. I’ll call you later, but do you happen to know where my car is? It’s probably at Rob’s, but I’m not sure. I think I might be here a day or two and I don’t want anything to happen to it._

He sent the text, and almost as quickly his phone rang. Ryan rolled his eyes. “It’s Chaz. I told him I’d call him later. Can you give us a minute?” 

“Sure.” Jason patted Blue on the head and stood up, heading for the door. “If you want me to come back, text me. Not sure I’d hear you call for me.” He saw Ryan nod, and then he stepped out of the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. He took a deep breath and waited for a moment before he went downstairs. 

His personal laptop was on the coffee table, and he sat down with it and opened it up. He’d seen Ryan's hands shaking, and noticed his balance being off. Jason knew his ex had been indulging in more than just too much alcohol, and he could only guess the physical symptoms he was seeing now had something to do with the lack of cocaine in his body. While Ryan talked to Chester, Jason was going to find as much information as he could on how to help. He didn’t know how bad things were, if the withdrawal Ryan was going through would get worse or if he’d be fine with more sleep, but he was going to find out. 

Ryan waited till Jason was out of the room before he answered the phone. “Hey, Chaz.” 

“Are you really okay?” Chester asked from the other side as he paced up and down the short length of the apartment, Cheese following him. 

Ryan looked toward the closed bedroom door and then over at the nightstand. He leaned over, and grabbed his untouched coffee. He knew it would be cold by now, but that was okay. He sipped it, and smiled. It was just the right mixture of cream and sugar. “I’m okay. Jason’s nursing me back to health. Toast and coffee and lots of sleep.” 

“Good. Good. Ry, that’s good,” Chester rambled. “I was so worried about you. I hope you’re not mad I called him. I didn’t know what else to do.” 

“Chazzy, it’s fine,” Ryan said, even though he hated that Jason had been brought in to see how badly he’d been doing. “I’m not staying here long. Maybe just tonight and I’ll leave in the morning.” 

Chester stopped. He was staring into his and Mike’s bedroom, Cheese at his feet. Ryan being gone - being safe - for forty-eight hours and then coming right back to his life in L.A. wasn’t going to do any good. That wasn’t long enough. Chester didn’t have a lot of experience with drugs or addiction, but he knew all about habits and routines and how hard they were to break. “Ry... Jay and I talked while he was here. We talked a lot. I think we mended a few things between us. He misses you.” Chester sucked his piercing in for a second before he added, “and I know you miss him. I’ll get your car back to Talinda’s, and you can stay there. Longer than a few days. Maybe a few weeks.” 

“A few weeks? Chaz, I can’t do that. I don’t live here. This is Jason’s place. I don’t have any clothes or anything here.” 

“I know, but it would be good for you,” Chester encouraged as he turned around and walked back into the living room, only to turn around again as he paced. “Just think about it. Talk to Jay. Maybe we can get some clothes to you,” Chester offered, though he wasn’t sure what he meant by that. He just knew Ryan staying in Seattle was the best thing for his friend. Details could be worked out.

Ryan shut his eyes. Jason had asked him to stay, and now Chester was begging him to. They were the two people Ryan loved most in the world, and his heart wouldn’t let him say no. “I can’t promise anything,” he said, making sure to cover his bases. “It’s weird around Jay.” His eyes shot towards the bedroom door. 

“Because of what happened? Ry, give it some time. You guys have known each other for so long. Just relax and let yourself rest.” 

Ryan took a sip of coffee. That was what Jason had said. That he needed to rest. Maybe they were both right. “He has a cat,” he mentioned when he heard Chester’s puppy in the background. “Her name is Blue. Her eyes are almost the same color as mine.” 

“Cats are cool,” Chester offered, a short smile crossing his lips. “So, you’re going to stay?” 

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed, even as he felt unsure about it. “Jay dressed me in a white t-shirt and boxers. Not sure how long I can survive like this. White, Chazzy. He dressed me in white.” 

Chester was grinning. “Maybe that was a passive-aggressive move,” he chuckled and he smiled even wider when he heard Ryan laugh. “He cares about you, Ry,” he said next, his tone turning back to something serious. “We all do. I’ll take care of everything on this side, you just hang out there with Jay.” Before he could say more, he heard thunder rumble through the phone, it brought him to an immediate halt. “Fuck, is that thunder? Fucking Seattle.” 

Ryan laughed. A big, boisterous laugh from his gut. “You’re awful. You’re hundreds of miles away and it still bothers you.” 

“It doesn’t bother me,” Chester defended quickly. 

“Whatever, drama queen,” Ryan shot back with a snort. “And yeah, it’s been raining since I got here. Big booms of thunder and lightning crashing. You’d hate it.” 

“Fuck yes I would.” 

Ryan looked down at his coffee before he took another sip. He was already feeling better. Hearing Chester’s familiar voice in the strange place was helping. “Jason moved. I haven’t seen anything but the bedroom yet, but he says we’re ten floors up in a downtown apartment. It’s pretty swanky looking.” 

Chester stopped again, almost tripping over Cheese. He looked down at the black and tan terrier and whispered for her to move. She didn’t. She looked up at him and wagged her tail, and Chester rolled his eyes. He turned around and found her stuffed piece of cheese instead. He tossed it down the hallway and watched her chase it. “That’s cool. Gotta be better than that houseboat. Yuck. I’d be so seasick.” 

“I’m actually really relieved,” Ryan admitted. “When I woke up and thought that’s where I was, I really didn’t want to be here. But...it’s okay.” He looked around the room again, at the darker colors and the straight lines. If he was picking out an apartment - at least according to the master bedroom - it was pretty spot on to what he’d like. “Jay and I have always had the same taste when it comes to design. Not sure what he was thinking with that houseboat.” 

“Yeah, me either,” Chester agreed. He’d never seen it, and Mike had never said anything about it. It wasn’t a topic they discussed, and Chester was fine with that. “I hope you and Jay can talk some more,” he offered as Cheese came back to him and he reached down for the toy to throw it again. “And don’t worry about your car or your stuff. We’ll figure it out. Stay until you feel better, Ry, okay?” It was the most he could hope for. If Ryan stayed a few days, maybe things with Jason would improve enough that it would give Ryan a reason to stay even longer. Not forever, but at least long enough to break the habits he’d gotten into. 

“I will,” Ryan said, and this time he added in a promise. “I’ll suffer here in white boxers and t-shirts for a bit. Promise.”

“Good. And I can imagine you in all white,” Chester laughed. “Sort of. When you’re feeling better, I want a pic.” 

“God, no. I wouldn’t be caught dead in this!” he laughed as he sat forward a little. “No way I’m sending you evidence of it. I’ll be shamed in the fashion community forever.” The second the words were out of his mouth, Ryan gasped. He was already shamed in the fashion community, just not for wearing all white. He’d been fired from Score for coming in under the influence. Rumors in their world spread fast. It would be a black mark on him if he ever tried to work in the L.A. fashion scene again. Ryan Shuck had a substance abuse problem. Ryan Shuck wasn’t dependable. 

“Ry?” Chester asked when his friend had gone quiet. “You still there?” 

“Yeah. I’m here. God, Chaz, I really fucked up. I got fired.” 

Chester nodded. “I know. Talinda’s not mad, she’s just worried. When you come home, we’ll figure it out.” 

_Home_. The word sat on Ryan’s mind. What did he have to go home to? His life was in shambles. “Okay,” he agreed quietly. “I’m going to go, Chaz. I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

“Okay. Anytime, Ry. You can call or text me anytime.” 

“I know. I love you,” he whispered. 

“I love you, too. I always have, Ryan. And Jason does, too.” Chester's hand went over his mouth. He wasn’t sure if he should have said that, but it was too late to take it back. 

Ryan let it go. Love wasn’t even in his realm of thinking when it came to Jason. Not when they felt like strangers at the moment. He told Chester goodbye, and the call was over. He let out a long breath. Despite some of what was said, he felt better. “Chaz is a good guy,” he told Blue as he reached down to stroke her back and head while he sipped his coffee. “And you’re way cuter than his puppy.” 

He sat for another few minutes, letting his thoughts calm down before he picked his phone back up to text Jason. He had to smile at the idea of texting each other inside the apartment. _It must be big. Bigger than the loft._ He paused, his fingers over the keys as he listened. At the loft it didn’t matter where you were, you could hear everything happening. But Ryan didn’t hear a peep other than the rain finally slowing down outside and Blue purring next to him.

**Ryan:** _I’m off the phone. I’d love some more water, when you have time._

Downstairs the cell phone chimed, and Jason picked it up. His head was swimming with information as he texted Ryan back.

**Jason:** _I’ll be up in a few minutes._

He closed his browser window and shut down his laptop before he stood up. Water was good, but if Ryan got the shakes bad enough, if things got worse, Jason knew he was out of his league with helping. _Maybe it’s not that bad. Maybe we got to him in time. Maybe he’ll be able to sleep it off. Maybe._ Looking around the kitchen, Jason realized he’d left the tray upstairs when Chester called. He rolled his eyes and got another glass, filled it up this time, and took it with him upstairs. Before he opened the door, he gave it two soft knocks, and then stepped inside.

It was still a pinch to his heart to see Ryan in the middle of his bed after so many months of walking into an empty bedroom. Blue was still with Ryan, and Jason had to wonder if the cat would ever come to him again. She seemed to have already bonded with Ryan, and was perfectly content to stay at his side. She was tucked in close, her head upside down and hidden under both paws as she slept. “Chaz calmer now that you’ve talked?” he asked, handing Ryan the glass of water and giving Blue a scratch under her chin.

Ryan allowed himself a few long drinks before he nodded. “Yeah. He suggested I stay here for awhile.” He looked down at his glass. “I don’t want to be a burden, Jay, but maybe I should, if that’s okay? I don’t know what day it is,” he mumbled, his eyes squinting. “But we could try a few days, see if we can get along. I’m so tired,” he added before a soft smile scrolled across his face as he watched Jay pet Blue, under her chin and on top of her head.

“A burden?” Jason echoed thoughtfully, avoiding Ryan’s eyes. “You’d never be a burden, Ry. If I didn’t want you here, I wouldn’t have gone to find you.” He sighed and sat down on the bed, careful not to disturb Blue or Ryan. “I knew you wouldn’t be super thrilled when you realized you were here, and I get it. I understand why. But give me a chance, Ry. I’ve been working on some stuff the last six months.” Jason closed his eyes. Everything felt so hard in that moment, but he and Ryan had been through so much together. He liked to think he was a better man than he had been. “I want you to stay.” 

“I wish I could say the same. I haven’t been working on anything. God, Jay, I feel like I’ve fallen back ten years.” Ryan let out a sigh, his head going back on the pillow as he closed his eyes, his almost empty glass balanced on his leg. “I can’t believe I just said that. I’m going to get in trouble being here with you, admitting stuff out loud like that.” He smiled as he cracked one eye open and turned his head to see Jason watching him, and he was happy to see a bit of amusement on his ex-boyfriend’s face. “I’ll try to be a good houseguest. As soon as I can get up, I want a tour. I told Chaz this place looks pretty swanky.” 

Jason dared to reach over and rub Ryan’s leg lightly, over top of the blankets. “I think you’ll like it.” He didn’t say, _it’s your kind of place_ even though it really was. It was more the type of place they had dreamed about when they were together. “And ten years seems a bit over dramatic,” he added. He was quiet for a minute. Ten years ago they hadn’t known each other at all, but it didn’t matter. They knew each other now, and for the past four years, with this gap in the past few months that Jason was ready to fill in. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be fine, I’m not at all worried about you being a good houseguest. Though you have sort of commandeered my cat.” 

Ryan picked his head up as he laughed lightly. “Not on purpose. She just sort of planted herself.” He motioned down to Blue. He was tired, and he wasn’t sure what else to say. He didn’t have it in him to really talk about the important things he knew would eventually come up if he stayed around longer than a day or two. 

He looked across the room, and his head tilted as he spotted the book sitting over by the armchair. He hadn’t noticed it before. “Is that our book?” he asked, pointing with his water glass. “Are you still reading it? I had a hard time picking it back up after we stopped talking,” he admitted honestly. 

Jason turned his head to look at the book. “Yeah. I didn’t finish it either, after…” He looked back at Ryan, who was finishing off the water, an idea hitting him. “You want to finish it sometime? I think we were kind of in the same place. I could read you to sleep,” he teased, a challenging grin on his face. He was certain Ryan would say no.

“You’ll read to me?” Ryan asked, and it sounded like a great idea as he yawned. “Okay. I don’t think it will take long. I feel absolutely drained.” He handed over his empty glass, and then scooted down, getting comfortable on his side. The cat moved with him, and Ryan chuckled. “This cat of yours is relentless.” 

With a quick laugh, Jason got up, putting the empty glass on the tray with the others, then stepping over to retrieve the forgotten book. “Yeah, I think that’s just with you. She seems to like you a lot. It must be all the body heat.”

“You say that like you don’t have any body heat. I _know_ that’s not true,” Ryan said, his eyes closed as he waited. 

“Not like you.” Jason hesitated next to the bed, book in hand. He wasn’t sure if climbing in was welcomed or not, but he wanted to be comfortable, and all the talk of body heat had him thinking about the way they had woken up earlier. It had been so nice to be together again. “If I’m going to read, I want to be comfortable,” he said, quirking his eyebrow at Ryan. “You’re okay if I read from here, right?” 

He pulled back the blanket and got in the bed again, making sure there was space between the two of them. “I’ll stay right here and you can keep my cat if you want. Well, if she wants. Cats are all about themselves.” The bookmark he’d left in the pages all those months ago was still there, and Jason flipped the book open in his lap. “You good, Ry?” 

Ryan had one arm shoved up under the pillow, but the other he reached out, his hand skimming over the side of Jason’s leg, under the blanket before it came to rest. “I’m good. Read to me, Jay. Maybe I’ll have a dream about a hot vampire.” He opened his eyes as he looked up. “Of course, I know you. You’re all about Jacob.” 

Jason couldn’t help but giggle. “You know it. No cold vampire hands for me.” He could feel the heat of Ryan’s hand against his leg, but he didn’t move to take it. Instead he opened the book and started to read. 

He was only a few pages in when he looked down. Ryan’s eyes were closed, his breathing already deep and regular. “Ry?” he whispered, but got no response. _Asleep again. He’s so tired. I know it’s going to be hard to talk about everything that’s gone on since the last time I saw him, but we have to. There’s so much I want to tell him, and so many things I hope he will confide in me. I’m glad Chaz talked him into staying._

Jason stuck the bookmark back in the book. They could read more another time. It was already two in the afternoon, and he needed to do some work. Ryan could sleep, and Jason could get some business done before he had to decide about dinner, and what Ryan’s stomach might be able to handle. When he leaned over to put the book on the nightstand, he felt Ryan move behind him. “Oh, Ry, I thought you were asleep,” Jason said, twisting back around just as Ryan’s arm snaked over his waist. 

His breath seemed to catch in his chest and he froze, waiting to see if Ryan would rouse or not. It didn’t take but a second for Jason to feel the weight of Ryan’s arm over him and realize he was really out again. Even if he didn’t know what he was doing, Ryan had reached for Jason, and Jason wasn’t about to get up now. He studied Ryan’s sleeping face for a few seconds, his dark hair that badly needed a trim falling over his forehead, and gently brushed Ryan’s hair away from his eyes. Eyes that he still loved, and Jason wished hard that Ryan would feel better. “Get some rest,” he whispered, laying his head back on the pillow, getting comfortable while trying not to jostle the arm around him. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

****  
TBC


	21. Courage

_Cheeseburger Bennington_ Chester wrote at the top of the information form he’d been handed when he and Mike had walked into the veterinarian's office with Cheese. She needed her last round of puppy shots and then she’d be good for a whole year before she would need to come back. It sounded simple enough, but it was their first time bringing her; the humane society had taken care of everything before them. 

Chester easily filled in the basic information - address, phone numbers, and breed type. He balanced the clipboard with the paperwork on his leg as he reached into his jacket pocket to pull out the adoption papers they’d gotten when they had brought Cheese home. “I need her date of birth,” he said, glancing over at Mike. His boyfriend had Cheese on his lap, holding her closely as they sat in the waiting room. There were other dogs around, waiting their turn to go back and see the doctor, but for the most part, Cheese was being good. It was Mike who looked like he was on the verge of losing it. 

Chester scanned the papers and spotted the information he needed. He wrote it down before he signed his name at the bottom. Technically, Cheese belonged to him, since it was his name on the Humane Society adoption forms. Forrest Mullan had paid the fees, but Chester was the Score employee who got the benefit. He looked over at Cheese, her head cocked as she watched the other pets, like she was trying to figure out what they were doing. She looked curious, not scared, and that made Chester feel better. 

Mike wasn’t doing as well. He’d insisted on bringing her stuffed piece of cheese along, as a form of comfort, but their puppy had ignored it, even with it squeezed next to her in Mike’s arms. “Hey,” Chester said in a low voice as he cupped Mike’s flannel-clad arm, “it’s going to be okay. She’s a good girl. She’ll take these shots like a champ. You’ll see. We’ll go get her some doggie ice cream after.” He flashed Mike a smile before he stood up to take the paperwork back to the front desk. There was someone ahead of him, and he had to wait his turn. He eyed the other dogs, some sitting quietly next to their owners, and others trying to sniff around at the fake plants and lines of chairs where people were sitting. They were all twice the size of Cheese, and half as cute. 

Chester smiled as he looked back at his boyfriend and their puppy. Even though a dog hadn’t really been in their plans, he was happy they’d decided to bring the little one home. The entire day had been a success in his mind. He’d taken his pictures for the Human Society, and to his surprise, it had gone better than expected. They’d picked up six of his still photos with the dogs, and his small bit had made it into the final cut of the commercial. The entire deal had turned out lucrative, and Julia Vox had already invited Chester to come back in the spring to do more ads for their annual cat adoption month. It was a nice boost to Chester’s checking account, which always made things easier. Not having to worry as much about money always helped. _I just have to make sure we don’t end up with a kitten next time._

It was a serious thought. Cheese was enough for the two of them to handle without Mike falling in love with some cute kitten that would run around their tiny apartment, getting into everything and torturing Cheese. Chester frowned at that idea. If the subject came up, he’d have to be strong and not give into Mike’s pleading brown eyes. Not again. _Forrest will probably adopt five anyway._

Chester let out a sigh. Even though he wasn’t scheduled to work, he really needed to go in and talk to Forrest one day soon. He hadn’t been back to Score since Ryan had gotten fired last week. He knew Ryan wasn’t his responsibility, but they’d been hired as a team, and Chester couldn’t deny he felt an edge of nervousness about where all this left him when it came to his contract with Score. _He’s been with Jay for three days. We’ve been talking every day, and every day he sounds a little better. Exhausted, but better. I’m ready for him to start sounding like himself again. At least I’m hearing from him every day now._

It was a silent realization. The last six months had been riddled with worry over Ryan Shuck. Where was he? When was he going to call or text back? Is he going to show up on time? Or at all? Is he with Rob? Is he happy? Is he drinking too much? Those were the questions that had constantly been on Chester’s mind, and for the first time, as he stood in line at the vet’s office, he realized that none of those things were even in his mental atmosphere. _He’s with Jay. I know he’s okay._ It was an invisible weight gone from his shoulders, and Chester was all smiles as he stepped up to the receptionist's desk to hand over Cheese’s paperwork. 

Mike watched Chester return the paperwork with a knot in his stomach. Having it completed meant they were one step closer to going back to get Cheese’s shots, and his tender heart didn’t think he could take it. The idea of someone, even a highly trained individual, poking their puppy and hurting her made him anxious. He looked down at the puppy. They hadn’t even had her long, but Cheese was his baby, and he couldn’t imagine intentionally hurting her. _Shots are necessary, Mike. She has to have them._ It didn’t matter how many times he reminded himself vaccinations were for her own good, he still hated the idea.

He stroked his finger over her nose gently and looked around the room at the other animals. None of them were as cute as their terrier, and it was one more reason to hold her close. Some of the bigger dogs looked as though they could use Cheese as a chew toy. When Chester sat back down next to them he leaned his head over on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I don’t think I can watch when it’s time, Ches,” he whispered.

“It’s just a couple of shots. It won’t be bad.” Chester reached over and pushed Mike’s bangs from his eyes, but let his boyfriend stay on his shoulder. “You’ll be okay, right, Cheesy Girl?” 

The moment he said it, Cheese twisted around to look at him. Her tongue was out as she tried to reach a paw Chester’s way. “Noo, you stay there. Mike’s got you.” Chester pulled his piercing in as he looked at their puppy. This time next year, she would need to come back in for more than shots. She would need to get spayed, since she was too little to have that done by the Humane Society. It would involve surgery, and staying the night at the vet’s. He had no idea if Mike was going to be able to handle that. _He’ll be a nervous wreck. I’ll have to do my best to keep his mind on other things that night._

Despite the circumstances, it was nice to think of activities they’d be doing so far from now. Long term plans were part of a stable relationship, and it brought more comfort than worry over Chester. He twisted his head to try and see his boyfriend. “We gotta be strong. She knows, you know? If we’re worried or upset, she always knows it, and she’ll know it in there, too.” He pointed towards the hallway where all the dogs were disappearing, one at a time.

“I knowww,” Mike whined. He wanted to be responsible and adult and calm, but that was easier said than done. “I’ll try.” He lifted his head and kissed Chester’s cheek. “We’ll have to cuddle her lots when we get home,” he decided. Already he wanted to go home, and they hadn’t done anything yet. But there were cookies at home, snickerdoodles, and Mike was ready to cuddle on the couch with his lover and their dog and eat cookies, maybe watch a movie, before he had to practice for his piano test. “We can have a lazy afternoon with her. Cookies, and a movie,” he suggested. 

A nurse at the front desk called the next name on her list, which wasn’t Cheeseburger Bennington. Chester watched a fluffy black shepherd mix bounce his way back through the hallway with his owner struggling to keep hold of his leash. Chester watched it pull tight around the dog’s neck, and he shivered. He was very happy that Cheese wasn’t so rambunctious, and that they’d opted for her little harness instead of a standard collar. His hand went to his neck for a second before he looked down at Cheese in appreciation. She could be ornery, and demanding when she wanted to be. Sometimes she would pull on her lead, but nothing like the shepherd. Nothing like some of the dogs they’d seen at parks and on the beach do. By comparison, Cheese was well-behaved. _And spoiled. Very fucking spoiled,_ Chester added in his head with a half-smile before he looked back at Mike. “A movie and cookies sounds great.” It was nice to hear the day wouldn’t be totally full of Mike studying, even though Chester knew that was important. 

“I’m glad Cheese is so calm,” Mike mumbled, his eyes following the same dog Chester was watching. “I’ll be glad to be out of here.” He was lightly stroking her back and looked at Chester, his bottom lip stuck out in a deep pout. “She’ll need all the treats, too. Cookies for me and treats for Cheese.” Mike knew there were plenty of both waiting at home, and even though their little dog seemed fine, he was still a mess. He decided Chester was right, though, and he needed to calm down before he was the reason she freaked out. It was time to change gears a little bit. “What’s in your plans for tonight while I’m practicing?” 

Chester thought for a minute, while he tried to ignore the smell of animal, which was everywhere. He was really happy their apartment didn’t smell like the vet’s office. “Not sure yet. I’ll probably see if Ryan’s up for talking a bit. And I need to do some organizing in our closet. And cook dinner.” 

“You and the closet,” Mike teased, then stopped. It was a truly small space, and Chester had so many clothes. “I’m impressed you can manage.” He leaned closer, nudging his elbow into Chester’s arm playfully. “Is Ryan sounding better?”

The woman behind the front desk called out the next name, and Chester and Mike stayed quiet while they watched another victim go down the hallway. A sheep dog that really needed a haircut. “He is,” Chester finally said when all the ruckus in the room quieted back down, it seemed like a big deal anytime one of the dogs got up to take their turn. “Each day he sounds better. More with it. It’s been a relief.”

Mike nodded. It was good to know that all of the drama with Ryan seemed to be calming some. He knew how hard it was for Chester to be on the sidelines of everything, but secretly he was grateful that someone else was helping Ryan through what he assumed was the worst part of things, even if that someone was Jason. As long as he didn’t have to be involved in it, Mike felt reasonably okay about things. “I’m glad he’s getting better. And talking to you,” Mike added. It would be good for them to get their friendship back on solid ground. 

“Jay says they haven’t talked about things yet. Like, what was all going on and how things have really been.” Chester sucked in his piercing. Despite avoiding even mentioning Jason Wakefield’s name for the last six months, it seemed silly - impossible - to keep up with that now that Jason was taking care of Ryan. “I’m not sure how Ry will take that. He’s been keeping so much from all of us for so long now.” Chester’s shoulders slumped a little as he looked down at Cheese, who was pawing at Mike’s flannel sleeve, playfully. “If that doesn’t go horribly wrong, I think Ryan might stay up there for awhile. If he does, I’ll probably end up packing some stuff for him, you know, clothes and whatever else he wants, and taking it up to him.”

Mike turned his head to look at Chester straight on. “Oh? You’re going to go to Seattle?” He tried to place why that felt strange to him, and why it twisted his stomach tighter than it already was. “Did you actually talk to him about that, or you were just thinking about it?” 

“We haven’t talked about it in detail. He doesn’t have any of his stuff up there. No clothes or anything else. Jay took him straight from Rob’s to the plane.” He paused for a second, letting out a long breath as he stared down at the laminate flooring that had stick figure drawings of dogs and cats every few feet. “Seattle’s not my favorite place, but if he wants to stay up there for awhile, I think that’s good.” He turned to look Mike in the eyes. “Right? It’s better than him coming back here too soon and going right back to what he was doing.”

“Well… of course.” Mike could see the worry lurking in Chester’s eyes. It didn’t matter if he and Ryan were friends or not, Ryan was important to Chester. Mike tried very hard to keep that in the front of his mind. “It’s a pretty drastic step to keep him away from the drugs, and Rob, but maybe it’s the right thing.” He couldn’t help but wonder how Jason was dealing with all of it, and to what level he wanted Ryan to stay. _Maybe it will be good for them, maybe they can sort things out._ Mike frowned, trying to think if he really knew what needed to be sorted. He knew very little about Jason and Ryan’s relationship, but obviously there was something still between them for Jason to come to L.A., and then for Ryan to go to Seattle. As far as he was concerned, it wasn’t any of his business. But Chester going to Seattle was, and he didn’t like the idea of him taking the trip alone. “Well, if you’re going, I’ll go with you. Split the driving, you know. But I don’t have any desire to get involved past that. I mean, I’ll stay in the car while you take Ryan his stuff.” Mike shifted in his seat, suddenly wishing that Cheese would be the next dog called to the back. 

Chester hadn’t even thought of Mike wanting to go, and it caught him off guard. “Don’t you have your tests?” 

“Well, yeah. But it’s not like you’re going tomorrow, right?” Mike thought through his calendar quickly. “I’ve only got one written exam and my playing final left. That’s only three more days.”

“No, not tomorrow, but it’s going to be soon. If he decides to stay.” Every day Ryan’s head was getting clearer and clearer, and Chester knew that his friend would quickly be making a choice to either stay or come home. He was expecting either conversation to happen soon. “If I have to go, I think it would be fun for you to come, too. If he’s going to stay, he might want us to drive his Lotus up. If not, maybe we can fly. It will be faster. I guess it will depend on how long he thinks he’ll be up there. He’s better with Jay. Always has been.” Chester’s eyebrows pinched together in thought. “And so is Jay. I swear, Jason’s an idiot for ever thinking differently. When he came into town and we weren’t there and the first thing he did was go see Ry, that should have been a red flag right there.” He rolled his eyes at the subject that he hated to bring up, but it had popped out of his mouth. He checked the time. The vet needed to hurry up. 

Mike sat silently, processing everything that had just been said. It was difficult to accept that Jason was back in his life, even peripherally, and having to talk about him or think about him was difficult after so many months of essentially ignoring what had happened. He didn’t know how to respond to what Chester just said. The exact thing had happened to him. Jason left for Seattle and he had gone right back to Chester, because deep down he knew it was the right thing. Maybe that had been the case for Jason, too, but he didn’t know. He didn’t want to think about any of it, and now that Chester involved Jason in Ryan’s well-being, it was all things he had to think about again.

He decided to ignore everything Chester said about Jason and focus instead on Ryan. “I guess either way we’ll have to fly some. If we drive the car up, we’ll have to fly back.” The idea of paying for a flight home wasn’t exciting. Mike had been carefully watching every dime he spent for months, and spending on a plane ticket wasn’t in the plans. He sighed as he thought about it, but was saved by the sound of Cheese’s name finally being summoned to the back. “We’ll figure it out,” he said to Chester as he stood up with Cheese, cradling her close. “I guess it’s our turn.”

Chester stood up, and Mike followed, holding Cheese and her stuffed toy close to his chest. “Finally,” Chester whined before he looked over and pet Cheese on her head quickly. “Come on, Cheesy Girl, let’s get this over with. Your daddy wants to go home and eat cookies and watch movies, and I don’t blame him.” He wrinkled his nose at Mike before he led the way, following the nurse who was waiting for them. 

It was hard for Mike to hand the puppy over to the nurse to be weighed. Cheese was generally a happy little girl, but Mike heard the whimper she made as she was transferred, and his heart pinched. “You’re okay, pupper girl,” he cooed, even though he was nervous. He stepped back to watch, his hand finding Chester’s without even looking. 

It was a quick process, watching as Cheese was weighed and then set on the stainless steel exam table. The nurse made a few notations on her clipboard, and then left the room, stating the doctor would be in in a few minutes. 

“What’s with all this waiting?” Chester asked in a huff as he and Mike swarmed the table, to pet over their puppy. “Isn’t that why we made an appointment?” he complained before he looked at his sad looking boyfriend. He wasn’t sure if Mike’s melancholy expression was because of Cheese, or because of all the Seattle talk. _Or maybe worry over his tests._ Chester pursed his lips, running his tongue over his piercing inside his mouth, out of view. Over the last few days of talking to both Ryan and Jason, Chester had kept the details slim when talking to Mike about it. He wasn’t sure what his lover wanted to hear or what he’d rather stay completely out of. Chester was still surprised he’d offered to go with him to Seattle. “We can talk about it some more,” he suggested as they stood by Cheese. “After Ry decides what he’s doing. We’ll make a good plan and maybe we can get cheap tickets or we could drive my car up if we don’t end up taking the Lotus.” 

“Okay.” Mike kept his focus on Cheese. Her short legs were trembling as she tried to keep her footing on the slick table. “You know, we’re always talking about taking a trip to see snow. Maybe we can turn it into a weekend thing. Not with Jason and Ryan,” he rushed to say. “But just us. So that the cost of the trip isn’t just to take Ryan’s stuff, we can make it something good for us, too. We could find somewhere to snowboard, maybe.” He kept one hand under Cheese’s belly to help her stay upright, and the other was scratching behind her ears. He still didn’t look at Chester. 

“Snow would be fun,” Chester decided, even though he wasn’t sure they’d get to see snow in Seattle. It seemed like every time he spoke to Ryan, it was raining. He shivered. “And if that’s what you want to do, I’m okay with that. Last time we were in Seattle we didn’t get to see much of the city. It might be fun to spend a day or two just going around and doing whatever.” He looked down at Cheese. “We’ll have to find a hotel that is okay with dogs. Unless we can find a dog-sitter. Noah would probably volunteer. She liked him.” 

Mike gasped. “Leave Cheese? Oh, Ches, I don’t want to leave her behind!” He looked up. “She has to come. We’ll find a place to stay that will take her. I mean, I like Noah, but I can’t imagine leaving her for days. And Amir might not be cool with that anyway. No, we have to take her.” He wasn’t about to leave his puppy to take Ryan Shuck his clothes. 

“Okay, okay,” Chester agreed quickly, cupping Mike’s arm. “She can go, too. We’ll have to get her a comfortable traveling crate. Maybe one that’s cloth instead of hard plastic.” He looked up a second later as the door opened and the vet stepped in. She was slender, with a white lab coat on and her blonde hair pulled up into a tight bun. She had on thick glasses that were connected to her neck by a thin chain. Grandma glasses, even though she looked like she wasn’t much older than they were. It took only a few seconds of hearing her speak to Cheese that Chester decided he liked her, even if she was going to poke Cheese for her shots. Their puppy needed them, especially if they were going to take her with them to Seattle. 

Once the vet showed up, things seemed to move fast. Mike found himself standing back against the wall again when it was time for the shots, and Chester held their puppy for the vet. It was better than her being manhandled by someone he didn’t know, but he just couldn’t do it. Before he knew it, it was all over, and Chester was scooping up Cheese to take her out of the exam room. Everyone seemed fine and not at all traumatized, except for Mike. He hadn’t enjoyed any of that at all. “Ches, is she okay? She looks okay. I didn’t even hear her whine. I’m so glad you were there to hold her, I couldn’t have done it.” He hovered close to Chester’s side, trying to get a good look at Cheese, as they walked out together.

“She’s perfect,” Chester answered, flashing his lover a smile. “She didn’t even squirm.” They made it back to the front, and Chester handed her over. “Why don’t you take her outside. I’ll pay the bill.” 

“Gotcha,” Mike said, more to the dog than to Chester. He was ready to get out of there, and he had to assume Cheese was, too. Mike carried her out the door, unwilling to put her down in the waiting room with all the big dogs, and as soon as they were outside he set her on the patch of grass by the sidewalk. He watched her sniff around and decided that she was okay. “That’s right, we’re going to take you to Seattle with us,” he told her, as though she had been listening to the conversation and could understand what was happening. “I’m not leaving you anywhere.” He looked up as Chester stepped out of the office. In his normal tone of voice he asked, “was that bad? I know this stuff can get expensive.” He motioned toward the building. 

Chester shrugged. “It is what it is, Sexy Boy,” he said as he pocketed the paperwork. He waved for Mike and Cheese to follow as he pointed his clicker towards his red sports car, unlocking it. “I’m ready to go home,” he decided as he fished his sunglasses from the V-neck in his shirt and plopped them onto his face. “And I’m in the mood for nachos.” 

“Yes,” Mike stated emphatically. “That sounds amazing.” He was ready to get home, too. Nachos and cookies on the couch sounded like a great afternoon after the stressful morning at the vet. “Come on, Cheese, let’s go home.” 

****

Jason folded the blanket he’d slept with and put it on the other end of the couch. He stood up and stretched, his back a little tight from being on the couch all night, and looked out the windows. It was overcast and drizzling, but that was nothing new. With a yawn he ambled into the kitchen to start coffee, then ducked under the stairs to use the half bath that was there. He didn’t even look in the mirror as he washed his hands and ran his tongue over his teeth. His toothbrush was upstairs, in the master bathroom, and he’d have to wait to brush them.

When he stepped back into the kitchen, the smell of coffee was already wafting through the air. He looked up, toward the bedroom. _I wonder if Ry is awake yet. I’ll take some coffee up, just in case. If he’s still sleeping I’ll just bring it back down._ It was a toss up whether or not Ryan would be awake. The past three days had been up and down. Ryan had yet to venture downstairs, which was just fine with Jason. _He’s been sleeping so much. Sleeping all of that shit out of his system._ He shook his head. It was still hard to believe that Ryan had been using drugs. That was so far out of the scope of what he thought Ryan would ever do.

Jason leaned against the counter and waited on the coffee. He’d seen improvement the past two days, and yesterday Ryan had even wanted more than toast to eat. _Maybe he’ll be able to come down today. I’ll get us lunch from the deli across the street. Soup. I bet he could eat some soup._ His eyebrows furrowed together as he thought about how thin Ryan was compared to how he’d been the last time they’d seen each other in L.A. _He needs to eat. Maybe he’ll be hungry today. Maybe today will be a good day._

He pondered what a good day would look like while he fixed Ryan’s coffee, stirring in the cream and sugar to the perfect caramel color. Jason wanted to bring Ryan downstairs, let him sit on the couch a little, and get some food in him. Maybe talk a little, whatever Ryan felt up to. Maybe just watch a movie. But whatever they did, he hoped it would get Ryan up out of the bed, at least for an hour or two. It worried him how long it was taking the cocaine withdrawals to subside. The sluggish behavior and sleeping had to end soon, and maybe today would be the day.

With a mug in each hand, Jason went upstairs, taking each step slowly. The last thing he wanted to do was spill hot coffee all over himself. The bedroom door was pulled closed, but not shut completely, and he nudged it open with his foot. It was a surprise to see Ryan sitting up in bed, with Blue at his side. “Hey,” he called as he came in, “I brought you some coffee.” 

“It’s like you read my mind.” Ryan’s lips pulled to a soft smile as Jason walked in, and handed over one of the cups. It wasn’t a surprise to see his ex sit down on the edge of the bed to join him. It had been like that several times over the past few days. Probably more often than Ryan could remember, since the days felt a little blurry. 

But this morning, his mind felt less foggy, his thoughts alert. “These pajamas of yours are a trip,” he teased as he reached over and tugged on the oversized arm of Jason’s gray pajama top. “I know it’s been awhile, but have you given up sleeping in your birthday suit?” 

“It’s a lot colder here than in L.A.” Jason shrugged. “Blue doesn’t create enough body heat for both of us. And she’s all but abandoned me at this point. I think she’s become pretty attached to you, Ry.” He reached out to stroke his pet, and the cat barely opened her eyes to look at him. She was comfortable right where she was. 

Ryan looked down at himself. He was still in a white t-shirt and boxers. He felt like he’d worn the same thing for the last few days, even though he knew that wasn’t exactly the case. He’d taken a shower yesterday morning, and had put on a different set of Jason’s clothes. It had worn him out, and he was pretty sure he’d crashed and slept for hours afterwards. “Do you miss the L.A. sun?” he asked as he sipped his coffee. “And I think this cat of yours is guarding the bed, not being attached to me.” He eyed the Siamese. “She’s a pillow hog.” 

Jason snorted a quick laugh. “She _is_ a pillow hog, that’s for sure. But she waited outside the shower for you yesterday, if you didn’t notice. She’s keeping tabs on you.” He took a quick drink of his coffee. “I miss the sun a little. If you aren’t careful up here you can get in a pretty moody place fast.” He stopped and caught Ryan’s eyes. “Some days it’s a struggle, and I think that just being in a warm, sunny place would help, but I don’t think I can ever go back to L.A. Maybe somewhere else, someday, but not L.A.”

Ryan shifted a little, sitting forward so it was easier to look Jason in the face. “Why? I mean, I know your job is here now, but if that wasn’t a factor, would you still think that? I thought you loved L.A.” 

Jason wasn’t sure how far into things he should get at the moment. They had barely touched on his therapy and the growth he’d made in the past few months, and until Ryan was ready to really talk, Jason didn’t think now was the right time. He decided to keep it simple. “I’ve just realized that distance from there was healthy. Mentally. I needed to break some routines and habits, and being away helped with that.” He smiled, thinking that was exactly what they were doing for Ryan right now. Breaking routines and habits. 

The room was quiet, other than the light sound of the drizzle against the windows, and Blue’s motor running, which never seemed to stop. “That’s good, Jay,” Ryan offered softly as he took in what had been said. No matter the circumstances that had brought Jason to Seattle, it sounded like he was taking care of himself, in a much healthier way than Ryan had seen him do before. “And I think I can relate to the need to break some bad habits.” 

Jason reached over to squeeze Ryan’s blanket covered leg. “Yeah. It seems to be working, I think.” He left his hand down by Ryan’s knee, hoping the contact was okay. “I’m glad to see you up this morning. You’re feeling better, huh?” 

Ryan took a sip of coffee before he answered, “I think so. My head doesn’t feel as out of it today. It’s all been kind of fuzzy. Just pieces of what happened.” He looked down at Jason’s hand, at his slender fingers and manicured nails. He was already sitting forward, so it wasn’t a stretch to reach out a finger and slide it over the back of Jason’s hand, and then in a circular motion. He knew it wasn’t the first time they’d touched since he’d woken up in the Seattle apartment, but it felt like it. “If I haven’t said it yet, thank you for coming after me.”

“You’re welcome.” Jason couldn’t keep his eyes off Ryan’s one finger tracing over his skin. “I’m grateful you came with me.” There were so many things that needed to be said between the two of them, and Jason didn’t know where, or when, to start. They both drank their coffee for a moment in silence, and then Jason flipped his hand over to take Ryan’s. Their fingers slid together in a completely familiar way that made his heart feel lighter. “I wanted to talk to you sooner, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if you’d even answer. I’m sorry I waited so long.”

“I would have liked that. I think. Maybe.” Ryan narrowed his eyes in frustration. “God, Jay, I don’t even know. But I’m glad we’re talking now.” He squeezed Jason’s hand. There were things he wanted to ask, but things had been so off between them for so long, Ryan wasn’t sure where the lines were anymore. What was okay and what wasn’t. _I guess it’s still okay to hold hands._ The thought brought back the memory from their last night in L.A. together, how they had sat in the hotel room on the bed and held hands. It was kind of amusing. He couldn’t recall holding Jason’s hand like that in bed back at the loft, or even when they were sneaking around YRS. But it was nice. It made him feel like he was wanted, like Jason was holding onto him so he wouldn’t leave. “I’m guessing everything at work is going good,” he said, gesturing around the room with his coffee cup. “Are… you seeing anyone?” 

“Oh, God, no,” Jason blurted out immediately, without even thinking. “On the seeing someone part. Things at work are great. But no, I haven’t even been on a date. There’s a guy at work that wants to, but the sentiment is one-sided.” He looked up and shook his head. “I’ve spent most of my time that’s not at work at home. It sounds kinda lonely, I guess… it’s been a lot of time with myself, which has been good.” He squeezed Ryan’s fingers lightly. He didn’t need to ask Ryan what he’d been up to as far as seeing people, and he hated that. He hated not knowing why Ryan had asked him, he hated Rob, and he hated the frizzy black haired woman that had been sleeping with Ryan’s jacket on Rob’s couch.

“I think I did the opposite,” Ryan mused with a sigh. He wasn’t sure if he could look over at Jason or not. Part of him was relieved to hear that his Jason was single, and hadn’t seen anyone in his absence. And another part of him knew how selfish that was. He wanted Jason to be happy, with or without him. But Jason admitting to having no interest in anyone left something hopeful on Ryan’s side of the bed. If there was no jealous boyfriend lurking around, maybe he and Jason could spend a little more time together. 

He looked down into his coffee cup. It was almost gone. “I actually feel awake,” he said, swinging his head around to try and catch Jason’s eyes. “Maybe I’ll be daring enough to leave this room. _If_ you want to show me around your place.” 

It was a relief to not have to talk about Ryan’s partner choices in the last six months just yet. Jason knew they’d have to get there eventually, but not now. “Sure. I think I can manage a tour once I finish my coffee. We can even be all kinds of daring and leave the cups here while we go downstairs.” He wiggled his eyebrows, knowing full well how ridiculous he looked. He hoped Ryan would take the joke. It didn’t seem smart to try to carry both mugs and be ready to help Ryan if he needed it. 

It was an instant chuckle from Ryan’s lips. “That’s the risk-taker I know.” He went to let go of Jason’s hand, but another instinct hit instead. He pulled Jason’s hand up, kissing it lightly. “I’ll leave you to the coffee while I abuse your master bathroom.” 

Jason felt his heart take a leap when Ryan’s lips touched his skin. “I’ll wait for you right here,” he said, trying to keep the emotion in his voice down a little. He didn’t want to overwhelm Ryan with his own issues right now, or the little bit of hope he was already feeling about their situation. The fact that Ryan had come home with him was huge, and Jason wanted it to be a stepping stone to fixing what was broken between them. But not yet. It was too soon to be throwing all of that on Ryan. He wanted to wait, either until he decided Ryan was strong enough, or until Ryan brought it up.

He scooted over on the bed to give Ryan room to get out and remembered that he had something to give Ryan, a little surprise. “Oh, wait. I forgot.” Jason stood up, placing his mug on the bedside table, and disappeared into the bathroom. “Just wait a second,” he called behind him as he crossed through the bathroom into the closet. 

While Ryan was sleeping the day before, Jason ran into the office for a few items to extend his work-from-home days, which had turned into a week. On the way back he stopped and picked up a few items, having made note of the light complaining Ryan had done when he got dressed after his shower. He’d done a little laundry last night, and he came back into the bedroom triumphantly. “Here. I know it’s not much, but it’s not white, and it’s not mine. I grabbed you some things while I was out yesterday. Just so you’d be more comfortable. I already washed them for you, so you can’t say no.” 

Ryan took the bundles of clothes, looking through the two pairs of black joggers and matching men’s t-shirts - one black and one dark gray, along with a couple pairs of underwear. “Jay, these are great,” he said, looking up. “Thank you. Not that I don’t appreciate your stuff,” he said with a light smirk as he tugged at the front of the snow white shirt he had on. “But you know I can’t pull off this color. It clashes with my eyes.” He was hoping it would bring a laugh from his ex, and not sound offensive. He would be happy in anything that didn’t have puke on the front or smell like an armpit. Both of which, he knew, he’d been guilty of wearing more than once over the last few months. 

“Trust me, Ry, you can pull off anything,” Jason said as he sat back down on the bed. “But I get it, go do your thing. I’ll be waiting here to see your transformation.” He smiled as Ryan shook his head. “Seriously, I want to see you in all your dark glory.” 

“Dark glory,” Ryan repeated with a laugh. The urge to lean over and plop a kiss to Jason’s face was there, but he held himself back. Just talking like they were, without harsh words or emotions, felt nice and Ryan didn’t want to overstep anything. Instead he scooted out of the bed. He didn’t notice that Blue got up and followed him until he shut the bathroom door and the kitten was at his feet, twisting around his legs. “You’re awful. I can be trusted, you know. No need to follow me around. It’s not like I’m going to steal the silver or anything.” He crouched down and ran his hand down Blue’s back as she purred. “Well,” he whispered, “I probably would have, if your owner hadn’t saved me.” 

A heavy sigh followed that admission, and Ryan stood back up, his clothes in his arms. There was no use thinking about things like that. He wanted to clean himself up and get dressed in something other than underwear. Jason’s underwear. He looked down at himself, picking at the front of the boxers. It was a quick decision to make better use of clean clothes. For the first time since he’d been in Seattle, Ryan felt alive, and he wanted to look like it, too. 

He used the toilet first, before he pulled off the white t-shirt. He looked down at Blue. “Are you going to watch me the whole time?” 

She meowed in return. And then added in a second one. “Fine. If you stay, I don’t want any inappropriate comments from you.” He eyed the cat playfully before he set to work. He wanted a shower before he would put on his fresh set of clothes. He knew Jason was waiting on him, but he could be quick. 

He left the cat alone as he traversed the master bath, with more speed than he could remember over the last few days. The massive shower made it easy to move around, and he helped himself to Jason’s shampoo, conditioner, and soap. By the time he stepped out and dried himself off, he actually felt good. 

He stepped in front of the bathroom mirror. He’d wrapped the tan towel around his waist, and that left his gaze lingering on his top half. The first thing he noticed was his gold necklace, or the space around his neck where it used to be. He touched his chest, and then around his neck with one finger. His Saint Dymphna was gone. Despair and disappointment tackled Ryan in that few seconds. How long had it been missing? Did he lose it or did someone take it? _Sam,_ he growled in his mind. _She can’t keep her greedy hands off my stuff._ If that was the case, he knew there was nothing he could do about it now. Not until he got back to L.A. at least, and even then he knew if she had it, she would deny it. He let out a frustrated sigh. It was one more way he’d let Chester down. 

He pulled at his skin next - over his pecs and then his arms. “Fuck, I look awful.” He ran his hand over his flat belly. He could see his hip bones. It was like his body was listening, because his stomach growled a second later. _I bet I can hold down more than toast. Or toast with peanut butter. I hope._ His eating had been slow the last few days, and the last thing he wanted to do was eat too much too fast, but he was hungry, and suddenly every possible food option went through his mind. He wanted something hot. Something with cheese. Some meat. 

He looked down at the vanity, over the double sinks and spotted the silver toothbrush holder. He wasn’t sure why, but as he stared at the two toothbrushes, he knew the blue one was his, and the red one was Jason’s. Logic told him he’d been brushing his teeth for days, but he really couldn’t remember one way or the other. 

It didn’t matter, and Ryan decided not to waste anymore time thinking about it. He grabbed the blue toothbrush and got to work. He took Jason’s comb and slicked his hair back. It needed a cut, but for now, maybe he could get it to look more stylish and less like it belonged to a homeless man. He ran his fingers over his beard next. That needed to be trimmed too, but it would also have to wait. For now, he looked better than he had in days, and he hadn’t even gotten dressed yet.

He dropped the towel, and slipped into the underwear, which fit him pretty well. The joggers were a bit big on him, and that was a little depressing but he let it go. At least he was in pants. He tugged on the dark gray t-shirt before he dumped the towel and the white clothes into the hamper by the closet and turned to Blue. “You ready?” 

She looked up at him, and tilted her head. “What? Come on, this is my _dark glory_ ,” he told her with a laugh as he pressed his hands down his front and did a half turn so she could see the whole outfit. 

She wasn’t impressed, and Ryan gave up as he opened the door and flipped off the light. The cooler air of the bedroom hit him as he looked over to see Jason on his back, his eyes shut. “Sorry I took so long. I figured I’d shower while I was at it.” 

Jason rolled onto his side, opening his eyes. He sucked in a quick breath at the sight of Ryan, fresh from the shower. He wasn’t one hundred percent - his hair was a little long and his body a little thin - but Jason could tell how much better he was feeling. “Wow, you were right. White doesn’t do you justice. I can tell you’re feeling better.” He sat up, and he could feel his pulse beating a little faster. It was slightly unnerving to have Ryan up and in his bedroom, looking more like himself. “I guess I made a good stop yesterday.” 

Ryan tugged at his shirt. “These are great. Can I be a little more needy and ask for socks? You’re right. It’s colder here.” He rubbed his bare arms as he glanced out the window at the rain. The bedroom floors were light hardwood and his toes were tingling a little from the chill. 

“Yeah, I’ll grab them for you.” Jason got out of bed and disappeared quickly into the bathroom. The mist from the shower was hanging in the air, smelling clean and fresh, and he knew if he got close to Ryan, he would smell that way, too. _Except better. He’ll smell like Ryan underneath my shampoo._ He pressed his hands to his cheeks quickly and blew out a small breath. Getting worked up over Ryan right now wasn’t going to help anything. He grabbed a pair of thick black socks from his dresser and went back to the bedroom. “Here,” he offered, stopping far enough away that touching Ryan wouldn’t be a temptation, and holding out the socks. 

“Thanks.” Ryan sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling them on quickly. He’d been in Jason’s bedroom for days, and he was ready to see the rest of the apartment his ex called home. “I think I’m ready.” Jason was a few feet away, and Ryan stepped closer. Jason’s oversized pajama top sleeves were hanging over his hands, his dark hair a little disheveled, and it was hard for Ryan to keep his hands to himself. So he didn’t. “I don’t want to get lost.” He reached to take Jason’s hand, cupping it around the gray sleeve that was cottony soft. 

“It’s not _that_ big,” Jason said, but he didn’t pull away. The warmth of Ryan’s hand was welcome, and he wanted to be close. “You haven’t been up much, so let me know if you get tired. First a shower, now a tour… I don’t want to over do it.” He leaned a little closer to Ryan, then unlaced their fingers to weave his arm through Ryan’s before he took his hand again. “There. That’s better.” He focused his thoughts on going downstairs, not on the body heat he could now feel next to him. 

Showers and tours didn’t seem like too much to handle, until they got to the stairs. The hallway off the bedroom was short, and as Ryan looked down into the apartment, the floating staircase looked intimidating. Until that moment, his legs had felt strong, but now they shook. Ryan gasped. “Don’t let go,” he whispered as he pulled Jason a little closer, his other hand on the railing as they went down, one step at a time. 

It wasn’t until they got to the bottom that Ryan got a good look around, and he was stunned as they came to a halt at the foot of the stairs. The windows looking out over the city were large, and a dark gray suede couch stretched a good length in front of them. There was a stone fireplace with a mantel and a square, heavy looking wooden coffee table sitting on a dark gray rug that looked shaggy and worthy of being in the grand space. The kitchen was off to the right, tucked back away from the living room. There was a bar and three stools. The tiled backsplash was white and the countertops were free of clutter. It was a sleek space, with just the right amount of heavier, industrial touches. 

Ryan was impressed. 

“Jay, this is beautiful,” he breathed as he tried to take it all in. 

Jason looked out over the space, appreciating it with fresh eyes. “Thank you. I made sure I did it right this time. I got something that I loved, for me. I only had to change a few things to make it what I wanted.” He held onto Ryan’s hand tightly. “I’m glad you like it. I’d hate to have you holed up in a place that’s the equivalent of white t-shirts and boxers.” He gave Ryan a sideways grin. 

“You’re just never going to let me live that down, are you?” Ryan teased. “Me and white, we just don’t get along. But this,” he said, gesturing over the room. “This is definitely more you. Can we go sit down?” 

Jason didn’t agree, just led Ryan over to the couch and they sat down together. “It was all part of a process, I guess. Leaving L.A. and everything with Mark behind.” He glanced over at Ryan. Their arms and fingers were still entwined, and he didn’t want to move. “I think I told you I started therapy here. Not sure if you remember. We’ve talked in bits and pieces the last few days.” 

Ryan was trying hard to remember, but it wasn’t there. It was a terrible feeling to admit that he couldn’t remember something so important. “I don’t remember,” he whispered, his eyes down as he stared at their hands, and the way Jason’s legs were crossed. “Is it helping? It must be, you really seem like you’re in a good place.” He looked over, and watched as Jason kept his eyes down, too. They were sitting so close, and even though Ryan knew they’d been sitting close over the last few days, this was different. Ryan wasn’t in a daze, half sick in bed. He was up and alert, and they were holding hands on the couch. His heart ached at how beautiful Jason’s skin was, and the shape of his lips that Ryan could remember the taste of.

“It’s helping. It’s hard,” Jason admitted, watching as Blue made her way over to the coffee table and hopped up on it to watch them. “Just putting words to things, confronting stuff, it’s been difficult. But good things have come out of it, you know? I sold the loft, I’ve gotten rid of the things that remind me of him… little by little I’ve removed Mark from my life. Getting him out of my head, that’s been a whole different story.” Jason sighed and reached with his free hand to pull at his pajama shirt. “There’s so much to talk about, Ry. I’m not sure where to even start. Or if you want to hear it.” 

Ryan waited for a minute, thinking about his answer. He knew if he offered to listen, if they started hashing through things, it would prolong his stay in Seattle. He also knew that was probably a good thing, not just because he’d really lost himself in L.A., but because he’d found a piece of him in this apartment. The piece Jason would always have. “I’ve really missed you,” he said, his thumb coming out from their tangle of fingers to pet over the back of Jason’s hand. “I’d love to hear everything, if you want to tell me.” It was a dynamic he knew. Listening to Jason pour his heart out wasn’t something he was a stranger to. “When you’re ready to tell me. If you’re ever ready. I know a lot has changed between us.” 

Jason watched Ryan’s thumb circle over his skin again. It was such a familiar gesture of comfort, one that he’d missed more than he realized. It was a little thing that Ryan did that Jason hadn’t noticed until it was no longer there. “Some things have, yeah. But the important things haven’t changed, Ry. I’ve missed you. It’s been so hard not to pick up the phone and call, or text. I didn’t want to drag you down with me. I’d already done enough of that. I really wanted you to be happy. I thought maybe you were, and I should just leave it alone. That’s why I didn’t call. That’s why I didn’t tell you when I finally got up the courage to go change my name. I knew you’d understand why it was so hard. But I thought maybe it was time for you to be free from all that heartache.” Jason closed his eyes for a minute, remembering the choice he’d made not to reach out to Ryan after the Instagram pictures. “I wish I would have done it. Just picked up the phone.” 

“I wish I would have done a lot of things differently. That doesn’t help now.” Ryan circled Jason’s hand, and then up onto his wrist, hidden from view by the pajama sleeve, and then back down. It was just a wrist, but it felt a little naughty to be touching Jason under his clothes. It sent a little blip of excitement across Ryan’s stomach. Something he hadn’t felt in so long. “No pressure to talk about anything, Jay. But I’m here if you decide to. You’re right about some things being the same. It’s so hard not to ask you a ton of questions right now.” 

Jason leaned a little closer. “You can ask me anything, Ry, and I’ll tell you. I know I kept things from you after Mark died, and I shouldn’t have. But that part _is_ different. I’m in a better place. The therapy has helped, and I can look back with a lot more clarity than I could see things then.” He felt his skin tingle every time Ryan dared to inch a little higher under the sleeve of his pajama shirt. “I’ve been waiting to say some things until you were feeling better, and I’m willing to talk, but I don’t want to overwhelm you. Okay?” 

Ryan nodded. “Okay. I know I’ve been out of it, so it’s probably good you waited. I might not have remembered it if you told me a couple of days ago.” He rubbed his lips together for a second as he watched his one finger turn into two, drifting in and out of sight under Jason’s pajama sleeve. “Do you keep a journal?” He looked up. “For therapy? Chaz has one. He writes in it constantly. He says it really helps.”

“On my laptop. I write things down as I think of them. It helps me make connections.” Jason thought it over for a second. “I guess it really helps Dr. Gibson make the connections. That’s my therapist’s name,” he clarified. “It’s so strange how things link together, even things you don’t realize at first.” He could feel his heart beating the way it had been upstairs, when Ryan came out of the shower. It was crazy how the smallest touch could set his pulse so fast, but it was Ryan, and he was so close. Jason shifted his leg a little closer, and now their thighs were flush against each other.

“There’s been a lot of looking back,” Ryan said, his voice just above a whisper. “I think that’s why I ended up where I was. I was tired of looking back. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Obviously I didn’t pick the best path to go down, but at the time, it was an escape.” There was no way to scoot any closer together than they were, and that was a shame in Ryan’s mind. It was comforting to sit with Jason, and for the first time it occurred to him that they were alone. He sat forward, just a little, not losing his connection to Jason’s hand and wrist, as he looked around the apartment - the fireplace, the kitchen and bar stools, the open door to what he could see was a bathroom. “That’s funny,” he mumbled before he sat back and looked over with a smile. “I just realized how much privacy we have right now. Like, it’s just us here. Well, and Blue.” He nodded toward the cat, who was still perched on the coffee table, her tail neatly wrapped around her front paws.

“Privacy is good.” Jason just let that statement sit there for a second before he said, “I wanted to escape, too. We just did it in different ways.” He could hear Ryan’s breathing, steadily in and out, and that was another kind of reassurance. Ryan was there, next to him, alive and feeling better. He could hear the rain against the windows and the desire to snuggle up on the couch with more coffee and a blanket was strong. Jason turned his head a little to see the side of Ryan’s face. The temptation to reach out and touch his jaw, the scruff there that he still loved, was strong. “Ry?” he whispered, “you want some more coffee? I could get us some, and we can get the blanket if you’re cold, and sit here and talk some more.” 

Ryan went to look over, but caught himself. If he did, their lips would be inches apart, and Ryan wasn’t sure he could stop himself from trying to kiss Jason. _After how he found me, he probably doesn’t want to kiss me. But we’re sitting close and talking, and he wants more of that. I want more of that. And food._

He cleared his throat before he said, “I’d love more coffee and maybe something to eat. My stomach’s rumbling for the first time in...I can’t even remember how long. Would you eat with me?” he asked, and before he could stop himself a second time, he turned his head, and he was struck with Jason’s dark eyes that were waiting for him. 

“Of course,” Jason whispered, his throat tight. He didn’t think about it. He closed the few inches between them and brought their lips together softly. It took every ounce of his willpower to not get pulled under by the feel of Ryan’s gentle kiss, to not press for more. It only lasted a second and Jason pulled away, squeezing Ryan’s hand before he sat forward on the couch. “You want something more than toast? Maybe eggs? I do okay scrambling an egg these days.” He took a deep breath and looked back at Ryan, hoping that not only would Ryan like something more substantial than toast, but that he hadn’t been completely out of line with the simple kiss he’d taken. 

Ryan felt how quickly his heart was beating now. It was a mix of excitement and relief. Jason had just kissed him, and the need to do it again was powerful. To cement the connection between them just a little more. He sat forward, to match Jason’s position, and his hand went straight to Jason’s face, stroking down his cheek before he leaned in to give his kiss this time. It lasted a few seconds longer than the first one, and even though Ryan wanted to go in for a third, he had enough wits about him to not push the boundary he was still feeling out. “I’d love for you to scramble us some eggs. That sounds exciting.” Their heads were still close, both their mouths open as they breathed. “With cheese?” 

“Cheese?” Jason’s thoughts were still on kisses. It had been months since he’d last kissed Ryan - half a year - and he could feel every minute of that time as anticipation now. Things were going to be okay between them, but there was so much left to talk about, and those things all came back to the forefront with the thought of eggs and cheese. “Sure. I’ll get you some cheese in them,” he said a little breathlessly before he stood up and grabbed the blanket he’d slept with. “Here. Get comfortable. And save a space for me.” 

Ryan watched Jason cross the room. He looked down at the blanket. _Fuck that._ He was up, and following Jason to the kitchen. Staying on the couch probably would have been more comfortable, but Ryan wanted to stay close. He stopped at the bar, and scooted onto one of the stools, so he could watch. “Sorry, but I don’t want to miss out on watching you cook.” 

Jason felt warm in his pajamas for the first time since coming to Seattle. “I’m sure it’s about as exciting as watching paint dry.” He flashed Ryan a smile and got to work. He gathered a small bowl and a whisk, grabbed the eggs and a little milk and butter and salt, and put everything on the counter. “You wouldn’t believe how many eggs I ruined learning how to do this.” 

Ryan was all grin, his elbows on the counter. He couldn’t stop watching Jason’s ass, and how he moved around the kitchen with confidence. It was a whole new side to his boyfriend. _Ex-boyfriend. Ex. But he did kiss me on the couch._ Ryan cocked his eyebrow at his own thoughts before he said, “This is fascinating. Just think, Jay, if we were in a diner right now, I’d be the needy customer and you’d be the line cook.” He chuckled as he playfully slapped his hands on the counter. “I need something to drink,” he ordered with a smirk. “I need a cute waiter to bring me more coffee.” 

“I’m breaking all the health codes,” Jason retorted, motioning at his pajamas and unstyled hair, but he got a new mug from behind the frosted glass cabinet door anyway. He filled it three-quarters of the way, and slid it across the bar, along with the cream and sugar. “Here in this diner, patrons have to fix their own. I can’t scramble eggs and fancy up your coffee at the same time.” He turned back to his egg preparation, and got them ready for the pan quickly. The butter was already melted and ready when he poured them in. “Now, you don’t know this, but you’re getting the behind the scenes footage. The secret is to let them sit and not bother them.” He crossed his arms with the spatula in his hand and waited. 

“Behind the scenes are my favorite,” Ryan mused as he fixed his coffee. For a brief moment, the thought that he’d like a little something more in his drink hit. A little rum or whisky. Anything. So many mornings lately had started with a breakfast that included alcohol. Or was _just_ alcohol, and his system suddenly wanted it. Ryan’s happy expression fell as he looked down at his coffee. He was feeling good, and he and Jason were having fun. Probably the first genuine fun they’d had in months. Maybe longer. Maybe ever. For the first time they were in a space where no one else but them existed, and that was something they’d never had before. 

Ryan swallowed down the need, the hunger for the alcohol he was missing. He wasn’t going to mess up the moment. Not when Jason looked so cute, and they’d just kissed not five minutes ago. He let out a slow breath before he picked his coffee up and took a sip. It was still good, despite being a sober drink. He looked around the kitchen as Jason spent his time, half watching him and half watching the eggs. Ryan couldn’t help but notice this kitchen was smaller than the one that had been in the houseboat, but much bigger than the one at the loft apartment by the sea in L.A.. “So you sold the loft,” he said, knowing it was a late statement. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Jay. I know you loved it. It’s a shame you never got to live there and really enjoy it.” 

Jason made himself busy pouring another coffee before he turned and looked at Ryan. “I really loved it. I loved how you could hear the ocean and the view and how it was the perfect amount of space… for two.” He set his mug down and poked at the eggs, then decided to flip them over. “I would have loved living there, I think. But it was soured by everything. From almost the moment Mark bought it.” He shrugged, his eyes on the eggs. “It was time to let go of what was never going to be in that space. I’ve learned I couldn’t just wish for things to be different and it would just happen. I spent all that time wishing Mark would love me, or wishing that you and I could run away. And wishing didn’t work.” 

He opened a different cabinet and took out two plates, then efficiently dropped bread in the toaster. “Toast?” He asked as an afterthought. He wasn’t finished talking, but he didn’t know if Ryan wanted toast. He glanced at him, waiting. 

“Yes, please,” Ryan answered simply before taking another sip of coffee. He was back to sitting with his elbows on the counter, his cup cradled in both hands as he gave the apartment another look. Much like at the loft, there was exposed brick on the one side, and even though there wasn’t a water view, the cityscape was nice. “What else have you been cooking?” he asked next as he watched Jason move around the kitchen. “I need to arrange my expectations.” He grinned before he took another sip of coffee, smirking at Jason from behind his cup.

“Not too much, really. I eat a lot of takeout, stuff I can pick up on the way home from work. Breakfast is kind of my thing, I guess. I mean, I’m not good at it like Chaz.” Jason paused, then went on, “I’ve tried french toast, and it was just okay. I’ve got a casserole thing I can make with sausage, but it makes a ton, so I don’t do it often. Maybe if you’re around to help eat it I can make it sometimes.” He slid half of the eggs onto one plate, along with two pieces of toast, and put the rest on the other plate. “How about we eat at the bar? Then we can go to the couch. Or back upstairs. Whatever you want.” 

“I don’t mind eating here,” Ryan said as he moved his arms out of the way so Jason could have somewhere to set his plate. “And a casserole thing with sausage sounds sexy. I’d eat my part of it.” He ducked his eyes for a second before he looked back up. He’d promised Chester he would stay a few days, at least until he felt better. Now that he was indeed feeling better, his reasons for wanting to stay were changing. “Sure you don’t mind having me hang around for awhile? It might take us days...weeks to eat a whole sexy casserole thing with sausage.” 

Jason couldn’t help but laugh. “Sexy? Not that kind of sausage, Ry.” He sat his plate down next to Ryan’s and scooted around the bar to sit down, his expression falling into something more serious. “I want you here, or I wouldn’t have brought you. Stop worrying about that. I want you here with me.” Jason looked at Ryan for a second, hoping just how much he wanted Ryan to stay would get across before he nudged Ryan’s arm with his elbow. “You better eat those eggs before they get cold.”

It was still a lot to process - a lot to believe - the idea that Jason wanted him to be there. That he wanted him to stay. Ryan had been living in a world of not being wanted, pushed aside, and replaced for the last six months. It was the exact opposite of what he was feeling now. “Then I’ll stay,” he said, trying to keep it simple. “For a little while,” he added, figuring they were only on day four of being around each other. Things could change quickly, that much he knew was true. 

He waited a minute, taking a few bites of egg before he said, “These are good. And you know what’s not in these eggs? Tofu.” He nudged Jason’s arm back. “You’ve come a long way in the kitchen.” 

“From burning everything and getting kicked out of Brad’s kitchen?” Jason smiled at the compliment. “Thanks. It was figure it out or starve, you know?” He was so relieved that Ryan had agreed to stay longer, but that presented a whole new set of things to think about. Like when he would go back to work, and what about Ryan’s stuff. They were eating quietly, and Jason didn’t want to shake things up too much, but he couldn’t help but ask, “how long’s a little while? A little while like next weekend, or a little while like next month? Or longer? What about your stuff in L.A.? I hate for you to not have your stuff.” He hated how it sounded - it checked the box on the memory of how he’d tried to trap Mike in Seattle by bringing Mike’s things along when the company moved him. He didn’t want Ryan to feel that the two things were similar. 

Ryan shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted honestly. “We’ve never lived together, Jay. Not just the two of us. We might get sick of each other in a few days. But if not…” His thoughts slowed down a little as he shifted through a mental inventory of his belongings. “So much of my stuff is still boxed up at Talinda’s. I never unpacked most of it. I didn’t plan on being there that long. I can’t ask her for anything else. She’s already done so much for me. Chester’s mentioned getting my stuff to me if I need it. Bringing it, or shipping it.” 

Jason only nodded. “Okay, well, that’s good.” He poked at his eggs for a second and then summoned the courage to say, “aren’t you curious, Ry? What it would be like to live together, just the two of us?” He was afraid to look over, and in that moment he realized he’d forgotten to put cheese on Ryan’s eggs. 

“I haven’t thought about that in a long time,” Ryan said as he took a bite of toast to think about it. It wouldn’t just be living with Jason, it would be moving to a whole new city to do it, which was ironic. It was exactly what he’d offered to do six months ago, and was rejected. Now Jason was offering again. It was an odd mix of hesitation and really wanting a second chance at what didn’t come together last time. 

He looked up the stairs, thinking. “There’s just one bedroom?” 

“Yeah.” Jason was still looking at his eggs. He wasn’t ready to hear all the reasons why Ryan was going to say no, the only bedroom was part of a list of much more than one thing, he was sure. “I know it seems sudden. And there is so much more to you staying here than me saying that I want you to stay. I know I screwed things up between us, Ry. I haven’t stopped thinking about that last night in L.A., not in all the months I’ve been here. That night had to mean something, right?” Jason closed his eyes and shook his head. _I’m not sure I want to hear the answer to that. I shouldn’t have said that._ “You don’t have to say anything to that. Just… I want you to know I’m better than I was in a lot of ways. Not just in the kitchen.” 

Ryan left his fork on his plate, and wiped his mouth and hands with his napkin before he twisted himself on his barstool, so he was facing Jason. He reached over, cupping Jason’s knee as he leaned in close. “It meant something to me, too. So much has happened, Jay.” Ryan squeezed his knee. “I can tell you’re better. And not just in the kitchen.” He pressed his lips to Jason’s flushed cheek. 

“I can sleep on the couch,” Jason offered, his voice a little pinched. He didn’t want to beg, but it felt like it was headed that way. They hadn’t even scratched the surface yet of all there was to say to each other. He turned toward Ryan, their knees knocking together, and looked his ex-boyfriend straight in the eyes. “I want you to be better, too. And I like to think you’ll be better here with me. I’ll sleep wherever you’re comfortable with me being, okay?” 

Ryan recognized the look in Jason’s dark eyes, the same look he’d seen hundreds of times while they were sneaking around YRS. The look of honest need. It was clear right then that maybe they both needed something. Maybe they needed each other. “I need to be better,” Ryan said, his hand still on Jason’s knee as they faced each other. “And I don’t want you to sleep on the couch, Jay. We’ve shared a bed before, which I really enjoyed,” he said, his voice going up a note as he tickled his fingers a little up Jason’s leg. “If we’re sure this is a good idea, then...let’s gamble. I’ll get my stuff up here and help you fill in the rest of your closet. It looks sad in there.”

Jason rolled his eyes with an indulgent smile. “Will I even have space left for my stuff after you get through? I’m not sure we can share a closet. A bed, yes, but a closet might be pushing it.” He grabbed Ryan’s hand without looking down, squeezing it tightly. He couldn’t believe they were talking about living together over a plate of cheeseless eggs and coffee that was getting cold. 

“Jason,” Ryan gasped dramatically. “Must I remind you how we lived at the loft? We didn’t even have a closet. What an awful idea that was,” he laughed before he brought Jason’s hand up to kiss it. “I vote we go upstairs and get reacquainted with laying in bed together.” 

It was only a small leap in Jason’s mind from the feel of Ryan’s lips on his hand and the thought of kissing him upstairs, and he had to remind himself that there would be time for more. Ryan was still recovering, and he didn’t want to push it. “Let’s do it,” he said, pulling on Ryan’s hand. “Dishes can wait. I’ll clean up when you fall asleep.” He stood up and waited for Ryan to slide off the barstool and join him. 

Ryan grabbed one last sip of coffee, and then he was up. Despite wanting to bolt up the stairs and fall playfully into bed with his Jason, Ryan’s steps were slow. Jason hadn’t been wrong before when he said taking a tour could be a lot. They traversed the stairs much like they had when they’d come down - their arms entwined, and one step at a time. Ryan let out a heavy sigh as they stepped into the bedroom. “You can say your apartment isn’t big, but those stairs got the best of me.” 

They headed to the bed and finally let go of each other. Ryan got in under the blankets and scooted over, so Jason could get in next to him. The moment his head hit the pillow, Ryan’s eyes closed, his body exhausted. For the first time in a long while, his stomach was full. He felt Jason next to him, and Ryan turned his head to look at him with a smile. “I might pass out on you.” He reached over, under the blanket, to pet his fingers over Jason’s pajama sleeve. It was nice having him so close in the bed. He knew it would be warm in a few minutes from their body heat. 

Blue hopped up on the bed behind Jason, and though he felt the movement behind him, his focus was on Ryan. “Sleep if you need to, baby,” Jason whispered, his eyes roaming over Ryan’s tired face. He snuggled in closer, and their legs and feet mingled together easily. Jason rubbed one foot against Ryan’s for a second before he lifted his hand to touch Ryan’s cheek softly. Ryan’s blue eyes had sparkle in them - life - for the first time in days, and it squeezed at Jason’s heart. “Your eyes are so beautiful. I’ve always loved them.” 

To be touched so softly felt good. Every touch, every act, over the last few months for Ryan had been hard and fast and emotionless. It was a moment to savor. Ryan didn’t have words to reply back, and he knew he didn’t need to. He turned his head, just enough to leave a damp kiss on Jason’s hand before his arm went out, wrapping around Jason’s waist. “If you want to get up later, just shove me off,” he mumbled through a yawn. “I hate that I’m so tired. It’s like my energy has been sucked away. It was there earlier, and it’s gone now.” His lips were close to Jason’s neck, and without much thought, he left a kiss there next, and then one up closer to his jawline before he fell harder into his pillow, his eyes closed as exhaustion gripped him with a full-bodied heaviness. 

Jason knew he wouldn’t move, but he agreed anyway, pressing a kiss to Ryan’s face. Thoughts of work, the projects he was overseeing and the emails that needed to be read, faded to the back of his thoughts. He would deal with all of that later. When Ryan woke up they could talk in bed before he had to be productive. Jason felt his body relaxing under the weight of Ryan’s arm, and the warmth of his body, and even though he wasn’t tired, he shut his eyes and breathed in the smell of Ryan’s clean skin. The moment felt more intimate than the sweet kisses they had shared earlier, and Jason was looking forward for the first time in months. They were tucked away in the privacy of his bedroom, together, and Jason was ready to learn what it was like to live with Ryan, just the two of them, the way they had dreamed about together. It felt like his life was starting over, and on that happy thought, he followed Ryan into sleep. 

****  
TBC


	22. Shirtless

Technically, the thunder woke Ryan up. The rumble that felt like it was so close, like it was in the bedroom, brought Ryan’s head up off the pillow, his sleepy eyes half open. He turned his head, just enough to look towards the window to see the rain splattering against it. Weather here was nothing like L.A. where he knew the sun was shining and the air was warm. He yawned before he went to lay back down, but stopped. Jason was just in front of him, wrapped up in his arms, his back facing Ryan in what used to be their normal sleeping position.

Ryan’s mind was still a little groggy with sleep as he appreciated the man in front of him. He had no idea what time it was or how long they’d been sleeping, but it was an amazing sight to see that Jason hadn’t left him. 

Ryan leaned his head down, pressing a kiss to the side of Jason’s face, sucking in the smell of his skin and hair. Jason Wakefield always smelled clean. _Akio. He’s Jason Akio now._. It was one of the only memories he could recall from the first day he’d woken up in Seattle. _Jay Akio,_ Ryan hummed in his head as he laid back down. He wanted to be closer, and he snuggled himself right up to Jason’s backside, snaking his arm further around Jason’s waist. He petted his fingers overtop the front of Jason’s gray pajama top. “Jay,” he whispered, kissing the back of Jason’s head. “Jason Akio. There’s someone in your bed,” he said with a light chuckle, just as his feathering fingers found their way under the hem of Jason’s top. He felt his ex-boyfriend’s warm skin, and Ryan groaned with need, a quiet sound from the back of his throat, the bottom of his heart. 

Jason hadn’t meant to fall asleep, and it was a shock to realize that he had. He could feel Ryan behind him, around him, holding him close, his fingers on his skin. He felt the kiss, heard Ryan whisper his name. The sound of Ryan whispering _ah-key-oh_ sent tingles through his stomach. That was his name, who he was, but had never been when he and Ryan were together. He was Jason Akio, no longer Jason Wakefield, and it was the first time he’d realized the full meaning of that change. Not only had he dropped his identity as Mark’s husband, he’d shed most of the mannerisms he’d learned in those years as well. He was free to be who he wanted to be, and the fact that Ryan was there, that he wanted to know Jason Akio, was thrilling.

“Yes, there is,” he mumbled back, his hand going back to find whatever piece of Ryan he could touch. He slid his fingers around Ryan’s hip, and down his thigh as far as he could reach, his eyes closed still. “I like it.” 

Having Jason feel around his leg, returning the playful touch, was exhilarating; it was silent permission with a side of actual permission. Jason hadn’t said ‘stop’ or ‘I don’t want to’ but ‘I like it’. “Mhm,” Ryan murmured before he kissed the back of Jason’s neck again, making sure his scruff followed, lightly scratching his ex-boyfriend’s skin, a trick he’d learned long ago. It would get Jason to smile and shiver, and Ryan was ready to feel the reaction. “I promise I’m not the Big Bad Wolf.” He stopped, all thoughts of kisses on hold for a second as he lifted his head to try and see Jason’s face. “Is that who was in The Three Bears beds? That’s not right.” His eyebrows furrowed in thought. “Who the hell was sleeping in their beds?” 

Jason laughed. “Goldilocks,” he managed to say. “The Big Bad Wolf was Red Riding Hood.” He twisted around to see Ryan and the look of confusion on his face. “You look dark and sexy, which I prefer. If I’d woken up to a blonde girl in my bed that would be a huge problem.” He smiled up into Ryan’s eyes and moved a little more, untangling his legs from Ryan’s to lay on his back. The hand that had been feeling up Ryan’s thigh drifted up to circle around his stomach, which made Jason a little sad. He didn’t want to think of how bad Ryan’s last six months had been, how little he’d eaten and the drugs that had taken the place of nutrition. Jason pushed that away and tugged lightly at the front of Ryan’s shirt, hoping he would come closer.

One tug was all it took. It was part of their love language, a sign Ryan knew the meaning of when it came from Jason. He kicked one leg over Jason’s thigh, and pulled himself up against Jason’s side. His hand slid further up under the pajama top, his fingertips grazing one of Jason’s small nipples as they looked at each other. Ryan watched Jason’s dark eyes widen, his fingers clenching to Ryan’s shirt in the process. 

“Did I ever tell you I used to be a blonde?” Ryan asked, before he lowered his head, petting his lips over Jason’s jawline, and up to his ear. “It was awful. Blonde spikes. They were always out of control.” 

“I can’t even imagine,” Jason breathed, his heart already pounding. The dark scruff he was used to on Ryan’s face wasn’t scruffy. It was soft, and it hit him in a completely different way. Combined with Ryan’s seeking fingers, he was quickly becoming lost. “It just doesn’t work in my mind. You can’t be blonde and have this dark sexy beard.” His free hand came up to stroke over Ryan’s cheek again and he coaxed him closer, seeking a kiss. The moment their lips met, an uncontrollable whimper escaped. Ryan was warm and soft, and this kiss was already different from the first ones they shared downstairs on the couch. Jason’s fingers dug their way into Ryan’s long hair and held him close, and he gasped into Ryan’s mouth as one of his fingernails lightly scraped Jason’s nipple again.

Arousal zipped through Ryan’s body. With every whimper, every squirm, every soft touch from his Jason, Ryan wanted to be closer. He pressed his hips against Jason’s leg, his cock coming to life as he did it again, and then one more time as they kissed. His fingers were getting greedy, running over Jason’s chest, side, and never missing his hard little nipples every time he got near them. The urge to kiss Jason under his shirt hit, and Ryan broke their consecutive kisses to nuzzle his way down Jason’s neck. His hand came out from under the shirt to feel around the buttons. It didn’t take long to realize it was a two handed job, and Ryan was out of practice when it came to foreplay and unbuttoning someone else’s clothes. 

He pulled back, his mouth open as he breathed, and looked down into Jason’s blown pupils. “I’ve missed you,” he said first, the words flowing without thought. “You and your beautiful face...and smile.” He couldn’t stop himself from leaning down to plop another kiss to Jason’s swollen lips, this one shorter, but passionate as he slid his tongue over Jason’s bottom lip before he asked, “How attached to this shirt are you?” 

Jason’s lips were parted as he breathed heavily, his body losing the battle with his coherent mind that was saying things had gone far enough, that they hadn’t talked about Ryan’s sexual partners the past months, or STD tests, or important things like that. They hadn’t even really talked about their feelings beyond having missed each other like crazy. But it was Ryan, and there was life and need in his blue eyes again, and Jason reached for the buttons on his pajama shirt himself. “I mean, I’m not super attached, but I don’t feel like sewing a bunch of buttons later, either.” He held Ryan’s gaze as he unbuttoned the shirt, until Ryan dropped his eyes to look at his bare skin. It had been so long since he’d been the object of Ryan’s desire, and he could feel his skin burning with need that matched Ryan’s. “You, too,” he whispered, tugging at the dark gray t-shirt. “Take it off.” 

Ryan sat up, breaking the connection between their bodies. He went to strip his shirt off, but hesitated. He knew how bad he looked, compared to how he used to be. His once muscular biceps were faded, his sculpted pecs and stomach muscles shallow and lifeless. It was enough to give him pause, until he looked over at Jason, who was looking up at him, waiting. _He saw me at my worst, and he’s still here. He wants me._

It was a strong reality. Jason had brought him home, had showered him, scrubbed him clean, and probably cleaned up puke somewhere along the way, even though Ryan couldn’t remember it. He was miles from where he was a few days ago, and Ryan was ready to shower Jason with love in return. He pulled his shirt off, and pushed away the blanket they’d both been under. He twisted around, to get on his knees. “Is there room for me over there?” he asked, nodding towards Jason’s legs, and he grinned when his ex-boyfriend made space for him. 

Ryan climbed over, gently, right between Jason’s legs. He stared down at Jason’s dark eyes and flushed cheeks, and then dropped his focus to the bare chest and stomach in front of him. He planted his hands on either side of Jason’s body, and leaned his head down, kissing around Jason’s collarbone first. “You sexy beast,” he mumbled as he kissed, his knees pressing into the mattress. He was still managing to keep space between their lower halves as he worked his way down, first the collarbone, then Jason’s sternum, and then his right nipple. Ryan pet his lips over it, before adding tongue, and then a kiss. He kept his teeth to himself as he pecked his way across Jason’s chest to get to the other one. 

Jason let himself go. Though months had passed since they were last together, Ryan’s touch, his kisses, were as familiar as always. He shivered under Ryan’s lips as attention was lavished on his neck, his nipples, his sensitive skin. Both hands went to Ryan’s shoulders, and down his arms. He knew Ryan’s tattoos by heart, and he pictured them in his mind as his hands roamed, greedily touching every bit of skin he could reach. It was frustrating to have Ryan so close, but so far away, and Jason could feel the need to be closer inching higher the longer Ryan stayed between his legs. Jason wanted to wrap his legs around Ryan’s and pull him closer, but something stopped him from pushing their covered lower bodies together. He wanted to keep going, the excitement of not knowing what was next or how far he’d let Ryan go intoxicating. The tiny voice telling him to stop before they couldn’t was being drowned out by the powerful desire to be _close._

“God, Ry, I’ve missed you so much,” he moaned as Ryan’s head dipped lower, his beard tickling down Jason’s side seductively. He was hard and his body strained to be closer, to press his cock against whatever part of Ryan was the closest. They were skating a dangerous line and he knew it, but it felt so good to be wanted. 

Ryan kissed his way down to Jason’s belly button. He nuzzled it with his nose, and circled his tongue around it, before dipping into the center. It was a small taste of Jason, and he wanted more. He raised his chin, looking up Jason’s sprawled body, and he followed, like he was being pulled. He lifted himself up, just enough to inch closer. He pushed his knees up on the bed, spreading Jason’s legs a little wider, until he was hovering over Jason completely. Jason’s hands went around his neck, and it brought Ryan’s lips right to him. 

Ryan’s eyes were closed, his mind on autopilot. He knew Jason’s body like his own, and no amount of time could ever steal that information from him. While they kissed, he slid one hand down Jason’s side, and then under his lower back, and then to his bottom, lifting him ever so slightly off the bed as Ryan’s hips rocked forward. Between his joggers and Jason’s pajama pants, there was no thick barrier, and Ryan felt his cock touch Jason’s. It pulled a moan from his lips as he broke their kiss, his eyes shut in bliss. 

Jason wanted to be touched, _god_ he wanted to be touched. He pressed his hips as close to Ryan’s as they could get, his head going back into the pillow as he groaned low in his throat. There was no question that Ryan was hard, their cocks were lined up next to each other through the light layers of clothing, and Jason could feel himself getting wet. It was that realization that pulled his mind back to the hard reality of things, the unknowns of the past six months and the knowledge that drug use by nature had put Ryan at risk. He groaned again as he pressed his lips to Ryan’s pulse over and over, sucking up every bit of closeness he could before he forced himself to say, “Ry, we’ve got to stop. I don’t want to, God, I don’t. But we don’t have condoms and, and…” 

It was hard to finish the sentence with Ryan’s weight against him, and his fingers now dipping under the waistband of his pajama pants. He knew he had to draw a line somewhere, but Ryan’s neck pulled him back in. He kissed up under his jaw and then brought Ryan’s lips down to his again. The intensity made him shudder, and then Ryan’s hand was down the back of his boxers, against his skin. Jason pulled away from the kiss and dropped two more on Ryan’s cheek. “We can’t go past this, we can’t.” He reached down and grabbed Ryan’s forearm. “I want you, but we have to wait.” 

All of the words - wait, can’t, stop - it took a few seconds for them to resonate in Ryan’s conscious mind. His hand came to a halt, clasped onto Jason’s hidden buttcheek, as he lifted himself up a little with his other arm, looking Jason in the eyes. There was no doubt that arousal and need were there. “Why are we stopping?” he asked with a hard swallow, just as reality caught up to him, Jason’s mention of _condoms_ fast on its heals. “Oh,” he breathed, before he dropped his head, right onto Jason’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, Jay,” he mumbled as he pulled his hand from the back of Jason’s pajama bottoms. “Condoms,” he said next, lifting his head with a lowered gaze to a splotchy space on Jason’s neck. “I guess that’s a good idea.” Everything felt like it deflated at once. Jason had already said he hadn’t been with anyone, which meant Ryan was the reason they had to stop. He wasn’t safe. 

“Don’t look like that,” Jason begged in a quiet voice. “I don’t want to, I don’t. But we haven’t even talked about _us_ , much less… the past six months.” He reached up to cup Ryan’s cheek. “Look at me,” he whispered, “there’s no reason to rush this. I’m not going anywhere.” It was hard, but he stayed still, trying to catch his breath and keep his hormones and his love for Ryan from making the decisions. 

Even though it was tough, Ryan knew Jason was right. He sat himself up, still between Jason’s legs. He looked down at him, at his open pajama shirt and the way his nipples were still hard, his flat stomach moving up and down quickly as he breathed. He’d made Jason hot and bothered, just from making out. With clothes still on. That brought a wily smile over Ryan’s face. Despite their breakup and separation, the passion between them still existed. 

“I think you’re right,” Ryan said as he maneuvered himself out from between Jason’s legs, and landed on his back beside him. He looked over before offering his hand. “Come here,” he said with a nod and a gesture over his middle as he opened his legs this time. “Just for a minute.”

It wasn’t immediately clear what was on Ryan’s mind, but Jason went willingly, sitting up slowly and taking a deep breath before he climbed over between Ryan’s legs. He was balanced on his knees, looking down, and he took his time looking over each and every tattoo and shape of Ryan’s chest and arms before he leaned forward, keeping his weight on one arm. Jason reached out and traced Ryan’s collarbone with one finger. “I could look at you all day.” He sucked in a breath and looked up further, into Ryan’s eyes. 

“I’m free to look at,” Ryan said with a partial smile. He ran his hand down Jason’s face, before he lifted both arms, and gently pushed back Jason’s pajama top, which was hanging everywhere. “Let’s get rid of this, just for now. I promise we’re stopping,” he said, when he saw the look of doubt in Jason’s eyes, even as he shrugged it off with Ryan’s help. 

With the shirt gone, Ryan wrapped his arms around Jason’s naked back, pulling him down. He kissed his face, light and simple, and before long, Jason’s head was on Ryan’s chest. Their bodies were pressed together, but there was no movement. No bucking hips or needy kisses. Ryan glided his fingers up and down Jason’s back. “What do you want to know?” he asked, looking up at a place on the ceiling. “I know we need to talk about stuff.”

Jason closed his eyes. All of his body was relaxing under Ryan’s touch, the hot desire from minutes ago fading in favor of a different kind of closeness. It would be good to get this out of the way now, and better that he didn’t have to see Ryan’s face as he asked a few questions he wasn’t sure he wanted the answers to. He was trying to decide where to start when he felt Blue jump up on the bed. He cracked his eyes open to see her nuzzling her head at Ryan’s bicep. “I wonder where she’s been,” he said, closing his eyes again before he admitted, “I’m trying to think where to start.” 

Despite the demanding cat, Ryan wasn’t going to give up his hold on Jason to pet her. Not now. “At the beginning is always a good place to start,” he said, trailing his light touch down to the top of Jason’s pajama bottoms before coming back up to his shoulder blades. “Or I can start.” He let out a sigh. “I haven’t been tested for anything since the last time at YRS.” 

“Me either,” Jason said in return, and it seemed like a good opening to say, “we can go together. We should, soon. Like, tomorrow.” He smiled against Ryan’s chest. “If I thought we could do it today, I’d say let’s go now.” 

Ryan laughed, his eyes opening as he did. “You crack me up. You just told me there was no need to rush this.” He tilted his head enough to press a kiss to Jason’s hair. “But I agree. Tomorrow for sure. Going to get tested together. We’re so modern.” 

“Responsible.” Jason left a return kiss next to the nipple he could see. “It’s been drilled into both our heads, no big deal.” He ran his hand down Ryan’s arm until he found his hand, and wove their fingers together tightly. “I told you I haven’t been seeing anyone up here, and that includes any sort of fling or anything. It’s just been me. Have you… well, was it just Rob?” Jason wasn’t sure if Ryan could even remember everything he’d done, but a part of him wanted to believe he wouldn’t engage in sexual activity without some sort of precaution. He meant it when he said it had been drilled into their heads at YRS. 

“No, it wasn’t just Rob,” Ryan answered honestly. He knew there was no way to get around the truth, and more than anything, he wanted there to be honesty between the two of them. He didn’t want a double feature of what happened last time, where secrets and lies came between them. “It started as just Rob,” he explained, figuring he’d keep the details short. He kept his hand moving up and down Jason’s back, his other hand locked in a finger embrace. “And then at some point, Sam got involved.”

Without even asking, Jason had the sinking feeling that Sam was the woman at Rob’s, the one he’d dragged Ryan’s jacket away from. He squeezed Ryan’s fingers tightly and swallowed before he asked, “the woman on the couch?” 

_On the couch?_ Ryan was trying to place what Jason was referring to, but it wasn’t there, and that was disappointing. Now that he wasn’t living in a fog, it was really starting to get irritating to not have full memories of things. “Um, I’m not sure,” he said with a swallow. “I’m sorry, Jay, I don’t remember. On the couch sounds right though… at Rob’s?”

“Yeah. She was balled up on your jacket.” Jason took a deep breath. “Rob offered me a hit when I got there, said “Sammy brought the good stuff.” I assumed it was her, since she was passed out on the couch.” He hated filling in the blanks, but he knew it was less than Ryan hated not remembering. “She has a ton of hair.” 

“Yeah. That’s her,” Ryan admitted, this time with a harsher push of air. “She was always trying to take my jacket. Her name’s Samantha O. We all did stuff together,” he forced himself to say, his feathering fingers slowing down as he did. “It was empty, Jay. All of it.”

Jason stayed silent for a moment, thinking. It wasn’t a complete surprise that a woman had somehow wormed her way into Ryan’s life, but the reason behind it all made his heart ache. He knew how it felt to be so lonely and so desperate for anyone’s touch. But he’d ended up with a cat, not a cocaine habit from a woman who tried to steal his stuff. He hated Samantha instantly, and it was all the more reason he would never let Ryan go back to that life. He didn’t want to know how far it had gone between them. He didn’t want to have a picture in his head of Ryan with that woman, and he knew if he asked, that was what he would get.

The idea of Talinda came next, and Jason wondered if there was more to their living arrangement than had come across in the short time he’d spent in her apartment. “I hate to ask, but I’m going to.” Jason braced himself for another admission he’d rather not hear. “Was Talinda part of any of that? You… doing… _stuff_?” 

Ryan’s hand stopped, right in the middle of Jason’s warm back. “Talinda?” Ryan shifted his head again, trying to see Jason’s face, but he was hiding his eyes. “Jay, hey,” he called and when Jason’s dark eyes looked up at him, he smiled. “Did you meet Talinda? We call her _Talinda the Tyrant_. That’s not just a clever name. It’s true. She is. Even at home.” He shut his eyes as he pressed his lips to Jason’s forehead. “No,” he whispered. “She’s my friend. Nothing more.”

Jason nodded. Knowing Talinda was just a friend was good. A little bit of relief came to his mind with the thought that maybe things with Sam hadn’t been going on long. He wasn’t going to ask. “So that’s it? The two of them?” He could hear Ryan’s heart beating strong under his head, and that was a comfort as well. It didn’t really matter if it had only been Rob and Sam, or if there had been others. They were going to go get tested, and then Jason was going to make sure Ryan forgot about anyone other than him. He kissed Ryan’s chest again. 

Ryan’s roaming hand started again. “Yeah. Just the two of them.” He waited a minute, letting them both process through the heavy questions before he asked, “Is that all you want to know? I’m open, ask what you want.”

“I’m not sure,” Jason answered honestly. He was silent for another minute, just listening to their breathing that had fallen in sync with each other. “The drugs, Ry,” he decided to ask, moving away from the subject of sex. “How long was that going on?” 

Ryan wasn’t surprised. He’d actually figured that question would have come up sooner, and he’d been preparing himself to answer it when it did happen. They’d both been through a lot - seen a lot - during their years, both together and apart, but neither of them had ever been into anything harder than alcohol. “Not long,” he said, sending his hand in circles over Jason’s back now. “It was a lot of drinking at first. Passing out and then waking up and taking a few shots, just to start the day. It was an awful cycle. I really didn’t notice the coke till Sam started coming around. She always said Rob did it, too, but I never saw him do it. Not till later. My first time was a few weeks ago. Three,” he decided as a rough estimate. “I’d been saying no for a long time, and then one night it was just, like, fuck it. I got lost after that,” he ended with a whisper. 

Jason eased up so he could see Ryan’s face. The shame was evident, and he had no intention of making Ryan feel worse. He let go of Ryan’s hand to run it through Ryan’s hair, fluffing it away from his forehead and eyes. “I’m glad it wasn’t that long. I’m so glad Chaz didn’t wait longer to call me. It could have been a whole lot worse, and it’s not. You’re already better, thank goodness.” He reached up to leave a gentle kiss on Ryan’s lips. “You’re not lost anymore. I found you.” 

Ryan ran his fingers up the middle of Jason’s back, and into his hair, coaxing him into another kiss, soft and sweet. “I’m glad you found me. I’ve been an awful friend to Chaz lately. And to Talinda. I didn’t know what I was doing. I mean, I did, but other things mattered more, which is so wrong.” He shut his eyes. “It was a scary place to be.”

“You’re not there anymore,” Jason reassured him, settling back down on his chest and closing his eyes. He wanted to offer Ryan the chance to ask questions too, and even though they had hashed through a lot in the L.A. hotel room months ago, he wanted Ryan to know he was welcome to do as he was doing. “You know, if there’s something on your mind you want to ask me, that’s okay, too. It doesn't have to be a _grill Ryan_ session. This goes both ways.” 

There were things Ryan wanted to know, and the shift in the attention from him to Jason was nice. “How long have you been in therapy?” he asked as he continued to rub Jason’s back, now that they were resettled. 

Jason blew out a long breath while he thought about it. “Um, well, right after I moved out of the houseboat. Five months or so? Once I got settled in here, I started. I tried one therapist and didn’t like him at all. But the second one was good. Really good. I was going twice a week but now I go once a week. Two hours on Tuesdays.” He almost giggled at the thought of Dr. Gibson’s face when he told her that his Ryan was in his apartment.

“I’m glad you found a good fit.” Ryan paused for a few seconds before asking, “Are you on meds? Like Chaz?” Even though Ryan wanted Jason to be at his best, the idea that he was on medication wasn’t a nice one. He’d seen first hand the struggle Chester had gone through - still went through some days - with the antidepressants. 

“No,” Jason answered before he lapsed into silence. Medication had never come up as a way to fix what was broken inside him. His issues were complicated, deeply ingrained behaviors and thought progresses that had nothing to do with his brain chemistry. Pills wouldn’t change his thoughts or coping mechanisms. “They don’t put the things that help me in meds, Ry.” 

There was a big part of Ryan that was relieved to hear that. He squeezed Jason’s hand before he dared to ask his next question; this one felt harder somehow. “Why did you move out of the houseboat?”

Jason hesitated, knowing part of the reason was Ryan. He wasn’t sure how that information would be taken, but it was the truth, and he had to own it. “I was looking you up on Instagram,” he admitted, “and found these pictures from Noah’s party. You and Rob were in the background, and I… it looked like you were moving on. After you’d come out and said you couldn’t stay, and then those pictures, I just hated everything. I hated everything I had done and what I had done to you especially, and that houseboat was bought for a life I thought Mark wanted for me. It was all tied into Mike and the idea that we could just recreate this life where nobody knew us or the scars in our past, and that was the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life. Worse than marrying Mark. Trying to have a life without embracing what has made me who I am was wrong. Trying to have a life without you was wrong, and every time I looked around I thought of you standing there telling me how much it hurt and you couldn’t stay. So I knew I needed to get out of there.” It was a long ramble, but it was the reason, and Jason couldn’t change the truth. 

Ryan let go of Jason’s hand, so he could fully wrap him up in both arms, in a bear hug. He leaned his head down, kissing Jason’s dark hair, that was messy and adorable looking from the angle he was at. “I love you,” he said, not caring that they weren’t together, that he’d just come out of three days of dope sickness. “And I love who you are. It’s good you’re not running from it anymore. You were _always_ more than Mark’s husband.” 

In all their years together, Ryan had always known the right thing to say, and this time was no exception. Jason’s eyes pricked with tears. “I don’t know that I’ll ever really be free of him, Ry, but I’m trying so hard. I’ve got these affirmations I’m supposed to tell myself daily and I’m working on it. Even if you were never going to come back to me, I wanted to be better. But now here you are, and I love you, too. You know, that, right? Chaz didn’t even ask me to come, I knew I had to come and find you because I would never forgive myself if I never saw you again.” He tightened his arms around Ryan and sighed. “I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay, get your car and your things and take over my closet and my cat.” 

There was nothing in L.A. and Ryan knew it. Leaving Chester behind was no longer the big ordeal it had felt like the last time he thought about moving to Seattle. Chester had Mike now - really had Mike - in a healthy relationship, and therapy had done wonders for Chester’s overall mental health and stability. He was going to be okay, and for the first time, Ryan thought about stepping back, and letting Chester go. Jason was in his arms. Jason needed him. Wanted him. And Ryan knew that was exactly where he belonged. “Okay,” he agreed easily. “You know, since you offered the cat.” He smiled as he gave Jason an extra hug and then a tickle up his back. “Who needs sunshine anyway?” 

Jason squirmed out of the ticklish touch and sat up so he could see Ryan properly, a chill hitting him immediately. “You’ll get used to it. And we can always take vacations in places with sunshine.” He couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Even if Ryan had agreed to stay earlier, this felt different. More secure, more final. They were going to get tested and Jason was going to rip Ryan’s clothes off the second they walked into the apartment with the results. “I do love you, and I’d lay here for the rest of the day with you, but I have to do some work. It’s getting late and I haven’t even checked my email. And you need to talk to Chaz about your stuff!” He swung his arm out toward the clock on the nightstand, barely missing Blue’s head. She meowed at him. “Ry, I’ll go get my laptop and I’ll work up here in the bed with you while you call Chaz.” 

Ryan lifted his head enough to get a look at the clock. “I do need to call him. That will be a crazy conversation.” He turned his attention back to Jason, who was up on his knees, right between Ryan’s legs. It took all his willpower to not drag him back down to share more kisses. “How about you work, and I’ll call Chaz and then we can eat again. It’s like my stomach is starting to remember what food is.” He propped himself up on his elbows, and then sat all the way up, leaving his legs spread so Jason wouldn’t have to move. “You should keep that shirt off while you work, Mr. Akio.” He leaned forward to tap his fingers over Jason’s bare arm.

“Whatever you want, baby,” Jason said back with a smirk. He leaned forward and kissed Ryan on the forehead. “You just have to keep your hands to yourself while I’m working, think you can handle that?” He scooted off the edge of the bed, ready to go downstairs and grab his work bag as quickly as possible. 

“What? That’s not fair,” Ryan fake whined as he watched Jason saunter towards the door. “Don’t wiggle your cute ass at me. Well, not until after tomorrow.” 

Jason didn’t turn around as he made sure to exaggerate the movement of his hips on the way out the door. He smiled at the exhaled breath he heard behind him and almost ran down the stairs, suddenly in a hurry to get his laptop and get back to Ryan. _I don’t know how we’re going to spend all day in bed together and not be all over each other. But I’m ready._ He barely glanced out the windows, scooping up his bag and heading back up in only a few minutes. The grin was still on his face as he popped the door open with his ass and backed into the room. “I’m back! Don’t look, I don’t think you can handle it.”

Ryan’s mouth dropped open in a state of shock and amusement. “You’re awful!” he cried from the bed. “I’m sitting here and being good and you’re parading your ass all over the place.” He tucked his hands under his arms. He’d left his shirt off, and he gripped his fingers into his sides, his eyes never leaving Jason. “I’m protesting these pajamas of yours. They make your ass look too good. You should take them off so you’re not tempting me.” He flashed Jason a smile. 

“Oh, no,” Jason said, turning around to eye Ryan. “I know exactly where that would go.” He unzipped his bag and took out a file folder and his laptop. “The pants are staying on. And so are yours,” he added, waving his folder in Ryan’s direction as he came to the bed and propped his pillow against the headboard. “Pants on, hands to yourself.” He climbed in, dragging the blanket up with him and tucking it around his waist as a barrier. 

Ryan was laughing, and it felt good to be doing so. The look on Jason’s face was hysterical, a mix of all business and a hint of naughty. It was all Ryan could do to not reach over and drag Jason over to him and shower him with kisses. 

But he knew that wouldn’t help. Kisses and shedding _more_ clothes would have to wait till they got a green light that everything was okay. That they were both safe, and free to enjoy each other without the need for condoms or hesitation. _And it’s better that way. If I’m not okay and I gave him something, I’d never forgive myself._

It was a sudden heavy thought, and the smile on Ryan’s face dropped as he looked down at his lap. His legs were still on top of the blanket, his socked feet sticking out the bottom of his black joggers. He tried to think back over the months he’d been with Rob, and to a lesser degree, Sam. He knew lots of protection had been involved each time things would happen with one or both of them, but it was the moments that were fuzzy or just not there in Ryan’s memory that were scary. Having entire hours and days that he couldn’t remember was terrifying. He could only pray that he was still clean, still safe for his Jason to be with. _What if I’m not? What if I have something I can’t get rid of? Would he still want me here?_

He carefully looked over at Jason, who was flipping through emails and papers, like he was sitting at a desk, not in bed. Looking at Jason, at his concentrated face, and the curve of his shoulder, the shape of his arms, and the naked chest that Ryan loved, it hurt to think that once again, it might all be taken away from him. 

It took a few seconds for Ryan to gather the strength to push those thoughts away. There was no reason to worry until there was something to worry about, and until then, he was going to enjoy the fantasy that was coming to life in front of him. He was in Seattle with Jason, and for the first time in all their years together, they were alone. They were going to make a home together. They even had a cat. He smiled at Blue, who was down at the bottom of the bed now, equally spaced between their legs, her tail mindlessly flipping back and forth as she watched them. 

Ryan picked his phone up, ready to call Chester, when the thought hit that maybe they should FaceTime instead. He hadn’t seen Chester in….he wasn’t even sure how many days. _I look better today. I want him to see me looking better. I know I’ve done nothing but worry him for months._ The silent thought brought Ryan’s hand up, to feel around his neck, and the missing gold necklace. He didn’t want Chester to see him without it. He knew his friend would notice. Chester noticed everything. 

Ryan knew it was a long shot, that his Saint Dymphna necklace was either lost in L.A. somewhere, or in Sam’s possession, but maybe it wasn’t. It never hurt to ask since there was so much over the last few days he couldn’t remember. Maybe this was one of those things. He looked over. “Jay? Do you remember my necklace? The gold one with the little medallion on it. You haven’t seen it, have you?” 

“Hmm?” Jason answered absently, and then Ryan’s words registered. “Oh, yeah. It’s on my dresser in the closet. I took it off you the first night you were home. It didn’t look like something that should get wet.” He looked over to see Ryan looking relieved. “Want me to get if for you? I didn’t want you to sleep in it, just in case…” He didn’t wait for Ryan to agree. Jason put his folder down and got up from the bed. “I mean, I didn’t want it to get tangled and break. And then I forgot about it,” he called over his shoulder as he went into the closet and took the necklace from the top of the dresser.

He studied the necklace on his way back to bed. It was a struggle to remember anything about it, other than it had shown up on Ryan’s neck around the time they moved into the loft. It had become so commonplace that he hadn’t thought twice about it when he took it off Ryan’s neck the other night and put it aside. Jason handed it over, watching as Ryan’s eyes lit up at the sight of the jewelry. “I don’t think I ever asked you what it means,” he said casually on the way back to his side of the bed.

Ryan undid the clasp and strung it around his neck, securing it easily. “This is Saint Dymphna,” he said, lifting the small pendant so Jason could see it. “The patron Saint of mental health. I got it when Chaz started his therapy. I...it’s not really that I believe in that stuff. I’m not even Catholic, but I was so worried about him. So anything to help, I was willing to try.” He shrugged his shoulders. “It probably sounds silly.” 

The familiar feelings of jealousy that always came with things related to Chester washed over Jason as he looked at the pendant for a moment. “No, it’s not silly,” he offered, pulling the blanket over his legs again. There was a thought to mention that he, too, was in therapy, and he, too, was screwed up in the head, but he didn’t. It was Ryan’s thing for Chester, not for him, and that needed to be okay. He frowned and wondered what his therapist would have to say about all of that. 

Jason picked his work laptop up and flipped it open. “I’ll just do my thing while you give him a call. I hope y’all can work something out in the next few days. You’ll really feel better once you have your own clothes.” He spread his folder open between them and focused on his work, not on the necklace. 

Back in L.A. inside the campus apartment, Chester’s phone was silent, and sitting on the coffee table. He’d been watching it like a hawk, hoping Ryan would call, since he usually did by this time of day, but there had been nothing yet. _I know he’s been sleeping a lot, sleeping off whatever he’s been doing to himself. Maybe he’s sleeping extra long today._ He frowned at that thought. Ryan was supposed to be getting better, not sleeping his days away. 

He sighed heavily before he looked over at Mike, who was trying to study. “Are you ready for a break yet?” he asked, leaning close on his elbow and flashing Mike a set of big, needy eyes. “Because I’m ready for you to take a break.” He reached over and walked two fingers up Mike’s jean-clad leg, stopping at the rip that was high up on his thigh. He dug his fingers in to touch Mike’s bare skin - his hairy leg that Chester loved. 

Mike’s eyes cut over to Chester’s and there wasn’t a chance of denial when he caught the look he was being given. “You know I can’t say no to you,” he mumbled, leaning close. “Not when you’re looking at me that way.” He put a bookmark in his book and then the closed book and notebook were abandoned on the coffee table. He reached over and slid one hand up under Chester’s ass, the other on his hip, to pull his boyfriend over into his lap. Mike didn’t even stop to see the look of surprise on Chester’s face, pressing his lips to the delicate skin of his lover’s neck for several hot, wet kisses. “Mmm, I love the way you taste,” he said, his words muffled by Chester’s skin. 

Ending up straddling Mike’s lap hadn’t exactly been the plan, but Chester wasn’t complaining. “I bet I smell a little like Snickerdoodles,” he giggled as he let Mike kiss all over his neck. His knees were pressed into the couch, his hands skimming over his boyfriend’s shoulders. For once, Mike didn’t have a flannel on, and Chester teased his fingers up under the short sleeves of Mike’s white t-shirt. He blindly traced over each bicep and the muscles that were there, the same muscles that had just lifted him onto Mike’s lap. 

“A little,” Mike breathed, taking his lips up under Chester’s jaw. “Maybe you taste like them, too?” He kissed up to Chester’s lips as his hands spread open, one on each ass cheek, and pulled Chester close to him. The weight of Chester on his lap was perfect, and Mike loved the way Chester’s lips parted for him so willingly before their tongues met. The thought of an afternoon quickie crossed his mind as Chester leaned into him and into the kiss.

One kiss turned to two, and the intensity doubled with it. Chester felt Mike’s hands on his ass, squeezing him through his designer jeans that fit him like a glove. He rocked his hips in reaction, pushing his crotch against Mike’s. “God, Sexy Boy,” he moaned the moment their kiss broke, his body shooting from a state of rest to total arousal in seconds. He shoved one hand into Mike’s dark hair, and pulled. It was a taunting tug, not hard enough to hurt, but part of foreplay as he hovered over his lover, his other hand latched onto the back of the couch. 

The pull to his hair shot a bolt of lust straight down Mike’s spine, and his eyes closed instantly. “Fuck, I like that,” he husked as one hand came around the front of Chester’s jeans to fumble between them. He pressed his palm to the erection he could feel forming already. “Why haven’t you ever done that before?” Mike’s head went back to the couch cushion, his thoughts changing from bending Chester over the couch, to Chester bending _him_ over the couch and pulling his hair _just like that._

“Why haven’t I done lots of things before?” Chester growled back as he kept his fingers tangled in Mike’s floppy hair, keeping his boyfriend at his mercy. Kind of. He wasn’t even sure who was in control as his back arched, his top half leaning back to give Mike more room to feel up the front of his jeans. It was a balancing act. His hand left the couch, and clasped onto one of Mike’s knees, before he gave another playful pull to the dark strands. “Fuuuuck,” Chester groaned, as Mike’s hand pressed harder against his erection, which was screaming to get out and have more attention given to it.

Mike opened his eyes just enough to gaze at Chester on his lap. “Yeah. You like that, too.” He leaned forward and went after Chester’s neck again, this time letting his teeth come out, too. He nipped at Chester’s neck, and he could feel Chester’s fingers tighten in his hair. Mike knew what he was about to say didn’t make sense with the way he was handling Chester, but he was hard and wet. Not ten minutes ago he was heavily involved in the composers of the Classical Era. Now he was heavily breathing and his body wanted something more. “Ches, babe, you can pull my hair like that any time you’re behind me. God, I want you.”

_God, I want you,_ echoed through Chester’s mind, and he pulled back. He let everything go - Mike’s hair and knee - to yank his yellow t-shirt off. He flung it across the room, not even looking to see where it landed. His chest was heaving, his mouth open as he breathed. He didn’t say anything as he went after Mike’s t-shirt next. He got zero resistance as he pulled it up and over Mike’s head, messing his hair up even more. 

When Chester looked down after tossing Mike’s shirt away, he was met with black eyes - blown pupils and needy hands that were already all over his naked skin. Chester grabbed a fist full of Mike’s hair, tugging it to the left. He was careful. He didn’t want to hurt his boyfriend, so despite the moment, he made sure not to go too hard. With Mike’s head tilted, it left his jaw and neck open, and Chester flashed his teeth before he went after both. He scraped his teeth lightly over Mike’s beard, and then down his neck, before licking his way back up, just to do it all again. 

“Ahhh, yes,” Mike breathed, part of him wishing Chester would pull a little harder, use his teeth a little more. The mood had come from somewhere, and he wasn’t sure, but he was beyond horny. He pulled Chester against him hard. “Maybe you didn’t hear what I said. I want _you_ in me.” He was ready to let Chester consume him, and right there on the couch was just fine with Mike.

But the chime on Chester’s phone hit his ears instead of Chester’s voice telling him yes, and he felt both of them pause instantly. “Fuck,” Mike hissed under his breath. “Ignore it.”

Chester was panting, his skin flushed as he let Mike go. His intention was to twist, to hit _ignore_ on his phone so they could keep going. It had been days - weeks - of Mike studying overtime for his finals, and that had left Chester on his own a lot. The need to shut the world out and devour his boyfriend instead was powerful. 

Until he saw Ryan trying to FaceTime. “It’s Ry, trying to video chat,” he mumbled, his body calming down a little before he looked back at Mike. He knew it wasn’t fair - to either of them - to stop right in the middle of animal-like foreplay, and he wanted to take Mike’s feelings into consideration. “I can call him back, if you want to keep going,” he offered as his phone chimed again and again, insisting he pick it up.

Mike breathed in through his nose. He’d been with Chester long enough to know that even if he ignored the call, a part of his brain would be on it, and that wasn’t what he was in for. “Answer it,” he said, his voice tight, “but promise me when you’re done, I’ll have one hundred percent of your attention and we’ll get back to this.” He dropped his hands to his side and exhaled slowly.

Chester leaned forward and pecked a kiss to Mike’s nose. “I’ll be all yours, Sexy Boy.” He sent one hand through Mike’s hair with a raise of his eyebrows, before he dismounted Mike’s lap. He flopped onto the couch and grabbed his phone at the same time. He briefly shoved a hand through his own tight, brown curls before he accepted the call, a smile plastered on his face. The moment Ryan came into view, it doubled. “Hey!” he said, everything inside of him bouncing from aroused and lust-driven to sheer relief and excitement at the sight of Ryan’s bright blue eyes. 

“Hey, Chazzy!” Ryan answered with a mirrored grin. “I wanted to see you! Are you okay? You look a little flushed?” 

Chester patted his warm cheek before he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine. Was just playing with… Mike,” he snickered coyly as he elbowed his boyfriend off camera. “Damn, it’s good to see you! And you look good, Ry.” 

“Thanks. I am good,” Ryan said, a short glance Jason’s way. “I figured I finally looked more like a person and less like the walking dead, so it was time to video chat for a few minutes. If you have time.” 

“I have time,” Chester assured him as he rearranged himself, pulling his legs up under him on the couch. Ryan was shirtless, and it was nice to see. Not from an attraction point of view, but one of care. He could see Ryan’s skin looked healthy, not sallow or worn. His eyes were bright, and even his voice sounded alert and on point, something he hadn’t heard in a long time. “So tell me everything. What’s new today?” 

Ryan looked back at Jason, who was hunkered over his laptop before he said, “Everything is new today. I got to see the rest of Jay’s apartment. Yes. I left the bedroom,” he said with a bit of pride, sticking out his chest. 

Chester giggled, covering his mouth for a second. “I’m glad to hear it. Is the rest of the place as swanky as the bedroom you’ve told me about?” He cocked his eyebrow as he tried to see behind Ryan, but all he could make out was a gray slate headboard and pillows, all of which looked fancy. 

“It is. City view, which isn’t the ocean but it’s gorgeous just the same.” Ryan waited a second, debating what he wanted to say next. “Chaz, are you guys okay? I mean, I know I’ve probably asked before, but have you been back to work since, since I left?” 

The giddy smile on Chester’s face faded. “I haven’t. I’m going to go in and talk to Forrest one day this week.” He sucked his piercing in before he added, “It sucks how that went, Ry, but you know Forrest, he understands things like this. I’m sure he’s not mad, probably just concerned.” He looked over to see his boyfriend sitting next to him, breathing a little hard still. Chester reached, and took his hand. “And we’re good. Mike’s studying for his finals. He’s almost done and then he’ll be on Christmas break.” 

“That’s good,” Ryan encouraged. He didn’t exactly care about Mike’s college or his tests, but he knew it all affected Chester, and therefore it was important. The mention of a Christmas break seemed like a good lead into what he wanted to ask next. “When does his break start? I was thinking, maybe if he’s busy taking tests, would you be able to sneak away for a few days and bring my stuff up here?” 

Chester straightened up a little. “I can do that,” he assured Ryan quickly. “Are you planning on staying longer than you thought?” 

Ryan nodded. “Yeah. I think I’m going to stay a lot longer.” He looked sideways at Jason, an affectionate smile crossing his lips. 

Jason looked over and smiled back. He had one ear on the conversation with Chester and his eyes on his work, but he couldn’t help but encourage Ryan when he heard him tell Chester he was staying. 

Chester tilted his head, trying to see whatever Ryan was looking at, but he couldn’t. “Ry, that’s good. What are you smiling at?” he asked, his lips already pulled into a grin. It was almost surreal to see Ryan acting so much like Ryan. Like happy, healthy Ryan.

“Just sitting here with Jason Akio,” Ryan said, before he turned his phone.

Mike looked over as the new last name caught his ear. He had been determined not to look at the phone, but the unexpected name hit his curiosity. _Akio. That sounds so strange. I wonder when he did that._ His eyes caught the glare on Chester’s phone and not the picture. 

Chester almost laughed at the expression on Jason’s face - shirtless Jason sitting up in the bed next to Ryan. Jason’s hair was a mess, and Chester had to hold back from making some smart remark about it. Instead, he waved when Jason looked up and waved, like they were across the room from each other, not on the phone.

“He’s trying to work,” Ryan said, turning the camera back on himself. “I think I’m making it hard though.” 

“You _do_ tend to be distracting,” Chester said with a snort. “But I’m just as guilty. Sexy Boy was trying to study, and I messed that all up.” 

Mike squeezed Chester’s hand and when their eyes met, he sent his tongue over his bottom lip and then bit down on it, teasing him a little. He was done with the FaceTime. 

Chester flipped his hand over, taking hold of Mike’s fingers. He squeezed them harder, and added a tug and a flash of his teeth, before his attention went back to the phone. “So what do you want me to bring? How long is longer? Do you just want clothes?” 

Ryan leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he held his phone in front of him. “Actually, I’d love to have the Lotus. Would it be too much to ask to drive her up? With everything. All my stuff. Or at least everything that will fit.” 

Chester leaned back. He really hadn’t been expecting that. He knew if Ryan was staying a week or two, he would want his own clothes, but his car and everything he owned, that meant he really was staying in Seattle for a long time. With the way Ryan had moved, Chester could see a sliver of Jason on the side of the screen. _For Jay. They’re back together. They’re sitting in bed, half naked like it’s nothing._

It was reassuring. Ryan was better with Jason. “I can do that. Actually, Mike said he wanted to come up to Seattle with me if I went.” He knew it was gutsy, but Ryan had done it earlier, and Chester followed suit. He turned his phone, giving Ryan an open view of his boyfriend sitting next to him on the couch. 

Jason leaned closer right as the phone view turned, and instead of seeing Chester, he was met with Mike, shirtless and disheveled, on the couch. It put him off balance for a quick moment and he leaned away, his eyes going to Ryan’s face. _Mike wants to come up here? More like he wants to keep tabs on Chaz. I guess that will never change._

The second Mike felt the phone on him he let go of Chester’s hand and swatted at him. “Chesss!” he whisper hissed, “I don’t have a shirt on!” He felt his cheeks turn hot as he tried to say hello in a normal tone, though he was giving Chester the _turn that camera back around now before I kill you_ look. 

“Sexy Boy, please,” Chester said, his tongue coming out for just a second, before he decided to be good. He turned the camera back on himself, and was met with a laughing Ryan. 

“I guess things will never change. Let Mike have his modesty.” 

“I am. It’s just us now,” Chester said, just as he heard a meow in the background. “Is that the cat?” 

“Yeah. Hang on,” Ryan said, as he went to move a little. He swung the phone around, catching Jason as he did, and then it landed on Blue. He was hoping he was getting her in the frame. “Can you see her? That’s Blue. She is very demanding, but awesome. And she has blue eyes like me.”

Chester looked the Siamese over. “Awww she’s cute,” he said, even as he mentally added, _But not as cute as Cheese._ “I’ve never had a cat. I’ve heard they’re pushy.” 

Ryan sat back down on his bottom, and flipped his phone around. “Pushy and needy, but only when _she_ wants attention.” He smiled indulgently. “We love her.” 

Chester glanced across the room. Cheese was by the door, passed out and snoring. She was on her back and twisted a little, her paws in the air. It wasn’t her best look, or Chester would have fought back with a camera shot of cute Cheese. But he let it go. No need to rain on Ryan’s parade. It had been a long time since Ryan had a parade. “That’s good, Ry,” he encouraged instead. “Your car is over at Talinda’s. I’ll go over tomorrow and see how much I can fit in it. We should video while I’m packing up your stuff, in case there’s anything you don’t want.” 

Ryan nodded, even though he knew he was going to be busy tomorrow. “Work it out with Talinda and let me know a good time. Jay and I actually have some stuff we have to go out and do tomorrow, so it might be better the next day?” 

“Yeah, okay,” Chester agreed easily. “Maybe I’ll go in and see Forrest tomorrow instead.” 

“Let me know how that goes,” Ryan stated, his voice going a little softer. “I’ll let you go, Chaz, so you can get back to Mike, and I need to give Jay some peace and quiet to work.” He yawned, not on purpose, as the activities from earlier started to catch up with him. 

Even though Ryan looked better than Chester had seen him in awhile, it was obvious he wasn’t 100% yet. It was a quick goodbye on Chester’s part, promising to text the next day to further make plans and update him on all things Score. “I’m glad you called,” he added before they hung up. “I love you.” 

Ryan smiled softly at his phone. “I love you, too, Chazzy. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he promised, and he knew it was a promise he was going to be able to keep, which felt better than good.

****  
TBC


	23. Bittersweet

When the elevator doors opened, the first thing Chester saw was Elka at her desk, and he smiled. He took the few steps to meet her as he pulled his sunglasses off and hooked them through the V in his dark purple v-neck t-shirt. Before he could say anything, she looked up. 

“Hi, Chester,” she welcomed with her usual uplifting tone as she shoved her blonde hair behind both ears, setting her pen down. “I didn’t know you were coming in today. It’s so close to the holidays, the shoots are done for the year.” 

Chester nodded. Unlike the regular Score employees who were in the office every day, keeping things running, Chester was only supposed to be there when he was needed. “I know. I’m not here to work. I need to chat with Forrest. He’s here, isn’t he?” He quickly looked down the hallway, but the office was quiet, and he couldn’t see anything other than the potted plants and waiting chairs that decorated Elka’s domain. 

Elka pursed her lips before she said, “He’s here.” She looked around, too, before she stood up and leaned forward, dropping her voice. “I’m sure you heard what happened with Ryan.” 

Chester sighed, his shoulders sagging before he leaned in. “Yeah. That’s why I’m here.” 

She nodded. “Go on in,” she said, before she reached out and cupped Chester’s arm, stopping him. “I’m really sorry, Chester. I know you and him are close. I hope he’s okay.” 

“He’s okay now,” Chester assured her. “He’s actually doing a lot better. He just fell into some really bad stuff, but he’s okay.” 

She looked him up and down, her hand still lightly caressed around his thin bicep. When Ryan Shuck had been dismissed for being under the influence last week, when he’d stormed out of the building, when he’d yelled at Talinda, Elka wasn’t sure what that meant for Chester. She knew the two men were extremely close, and the thought that if Ryan was using, maybe Chester was, too, hadn’t been a pleasant one. But looking at him now, at his usual bright eyes, clean look and gentle smile, she knew that wasn’t possible. 

She squeezed his arm before she let him go and sat back down in her chair. “I’m glad to hear it. I always thought he was a good guy.” 

“He is,” Chester defended. “He’s a great guy, he just lost his way for a little bit. I’m going to go find Forrest.” He pointed down the hall, and Elka nodded for him to go ahead, just as her phone rang. 

That was the end of the conversation, and Chester was a little relieved. He knew coming into Score, he would be met with questions about Ryan. But it was more unnerving than he figured it would be. He let out a long breath as he headed down the hall and turned the corner. He was relieved to see it empty. Elka was right. With the Christmas holiday so close, Score looked like a shell of its usual boisterous self. Normally there were people everywhere - models and camera guys, lighting people, and reps from all their affiliated companies. Usually you could hear chatter and laughter and serious debate hovering in the different rooms and through the hallways. 

But not today. It was dead quiet, and Chester stuffed his hands into the front pockets of his black jeans and as he glanced into each open doorway. All the rooms were empty. He stopped when he got to the great room, and took a minute to admire the view of the city. _Ry says Jay’s apartment has a city view. I still like the one from the loft better, of the water, but the city has its own kind of beauty. It was so good to see him yesterday. He was alert. He was laughing and joking and making sense. He wants to stay there. It’s good,_ Chester encouraged himself. He was going to miss physically seeing Ryan on a regular basis. Miss going out for beers or sitting side-by-side playing video games. He was going to miss coming to Score together, and getting dressed together to stand and pose and prance in front of the camera to earn their paychecks. He was going to miss their intimate talks while they tried on outfits, and all the gossip that came with working in the fashion world. It was going to be hard to be at Score without him. _If I get to be here without him._

“Chester?” 

The sound of Forrest’s voice brought Chester out his thoughts as he turned to see his boss. Forrest Mullan was a few feet away, looking concerned. His dark brown hair was styled, his mustache neat as always as he stood in jeans and a white polo shirt, which looked strange. Chester figured it must be because there was no one around, just the inner circle of Score employees. “Hi, Forrest,” Chester answered, and he shivered as he did. 

Forrest took a step closer. “Are you okay?”

Chester nodded. “I am. I just wanted to talk, if you have a few minutes.” 

“Of course,” Forrest told him before he gestured to the white couches of the great room. “Let’s sit out here, if that’s all right. I never get tired of this view.”

Chester followed his boss and they sat down on the same couch, half a cushion between them. Chester stayed perched on the edge, his hands in his lap. “It is a beautiful view. I was just thinking that when you came in.” 

Forrest sat back, his ankle crossed over his knee as he studied his model. He’d been expecting Chester to show up after Ryan was let go, so it wasn’t a surprise to see him. Over his years of dealing with people, Forrest knew it was better to give Chester his space - his breathing room - and to let him come in on his own, rather than calling him in for the discussion they were about to have. “How’s Ryan?” he asked, knowing there was no use in small talk. Not until they got the important matters out of the way. Chester looked nervous, and Forrest wanted the hard part to be over for his model’s sake. 

Chester turned to look at his boss. He could feel the anxiety crawling up his skin. “He’s okay. Forrest, I’m sorry,” he apologized as he twisted a little more in his seat to make it easier to talk. “I’m sorry about what happened. I know you asked me at the Christmas party if he was using and I said no, but I didn’t know he was. I didn’t lie to you.”

“Chester, just calm down,” Forrest rushed to say as he sat forward. “Don’t apologize. None of this is your fault. I never thought you lied to me.” 

That was a relief to hear, and Chester ordered himself to slow down. He took a deep breath as he nodded. “I wouldn’t lie. I never thought he would do anything like this. It’s not him.” 

“Where’s Ryan now?” 

Chester’s elbows slid to his knees as he dropped his head into his hands for a few seconds, hiding in the dark. He knew Forrest was asking because he cared, and that meant something. He looked over at his boss with a heavy sigh. “He’s in Seattle. With Jason.” 

“The ex-boyfriend?” 

“Yeah. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t help him, so I called Jason. They know each other really well and Ryan was still in love with him, and Jason came and got him. Took him home. He’s going to stay up there.” 

“If that’s what he needs, then that’s good,” Forrest said simply. “I know you’ll miss him.” 

“I will,” Chester agreed instantly. He sat himself up a little as something shifted in the air. The longer they talked, the more obvious it became that Forrest wasn’t mad. “And it is good for him. Jason is good for him. They’re good for each other.” 

“Relationships like that are special,” Forrest commented lightly. “If Jason is the key to him getting help, then I’m happy for him. I’ve watched him decline over the last several months. You and I both have,” he stated, motioning between the two of them. “Something needed to change.” 

“It did. You’re right. I’m going to go up and see him,” Chester said quickly. “Mike and I, we’re going to drive his car up for him, and take all his clothes and everything up so he’ll have them. We’ll be gone a few days. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t needed around here.” He gestured around the room, his attention getting caught on the giant poster of him and Ryan that was on the wall of current Score models. _I’m sure they’ll be taking that down soon._ His shoulders slumped a little on that thought. 

“You’re free to go,” Forrest told him. “We won’t be doing any more shoots until after the new year. Will you and Mike be staying with Ryan and Jason in Seattle?” 

“Oh, no,” Chester denied quickly. “It’s...kinda complicated. We’ll get a hotel room. Mike wants to spend a few days up there, make it worth our time, you know?” 

“It’s a beautiful part of the country.” Forrest paused, letting the air settle around them. He liked Chester a lot. He was a hard worker with a big heart, and Forrest trusted him. He’d worked with a lot of people over his years in the world of fashion and business, and that experience told him that Chester Bennington could be trusted. “If you’d like, I have a cabin up in that neck of the woods. It’s in Redmond, which is about half an hour or so outside of Seattle. You and Mike are welcome to stay there, if you’d rather. It will save you the cost of a hotel, and the lake view is spectacular.”

Chester’s mouth dropped open a little. “Oh, that’s so nice of you. Are you sure?” Staying in a cabin rather than forking over the money for a pricey hotel room sounded fantastic. And they’d get a lake view. 

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure.” Forrest stood up. “You’re welcome to say no, of course.” 

Chester shot up from the couch. “No, no, that’s great. We’d love that. Thank you, Forrest.” He was already grinning as his imagination dreamed up what Forrest’s second home would look like. He knew it would be in good taste, and probably cost a pretty penny, despite being a _cabin._

“Come on to my office. I’ll get you the key,” Forrest said as he headed out of the great room. He could hear Chester following right behind him. “The two of you will love it. Everything is there you need, appliance wise. Fully operational kitchen, and there’s a washer and dryer if you need to do laundry. There’s food in the pantry - canned and boxed goods - but you’ll have to bring your own groceries in if you want something more than noodles or canned vegetables.” He glanced over to see Chester beaming, and Forrest smiled. He loved to help his employees when he could, to share his good fortune with them when the opportunities arose. It was his favorite part of being the boss. “You should bring Cheese along. She’d love it there. All the trees and fresh air of the woods.” 

Chester’s smile doubled. “We were going to take her. Mike didn’t want to leave her behind while we’re gone. So it’s okay if she’s there?” He loved that Forrest remembered their puppy’s name, though Chester wasn’t surprised. Forrest Mullan loved animals, and he was always happy to look at new pictures of the little black and brown terrier they’d adopted from the Humane Society shoot. 

“Of course. The entire place is dog proof,” Forrest chuckled as they crossed the studio space to his office. “You’re welcome to spend as many days there as you like. Just make sure you lock it up when you leave.” Forrest stepped around his desk and opened the side drawer. “I’ll text you the address and directions when I get home tonight.” He held up a keyring that had three silver keys attached to it, along with a large gold S. He stepped back around to the door and handed them over. “Front door, back door, and one to the garage.” 

Chester tried not to chuckle at the S, which he knew was for Score. He could already imagine all the Score paraphernalia that was probably at the cabin - coffee cups and posters and magazines that would be sitting around. “This is great,” he offered. “Thank you. Mike’s going to be so surprised.” 

“I’m glad I can help.” Forrest put his hands on the hips of his jeans as they stood facing each other in the doorway of his office. “Tell Ryan I wish him the best,” he said. “And when you get back, after the new year, I want you to come in and see me and we’ll talk about things moving forward.” 

Chester’s happy expression froze on his face. This was the conversation he’d been dreading. He and Ryan were hired as a team. It wouldn’t surprise him if he was going to be let go, since there was no team anymore. _Everyone’s already talking about Ry having a drug problem. People probably think I do, too. He’s not going to want me to work here anymore. I’ll give Score a bad reputation._

Chester hadn’t said anything out loud, but Forrest could read his face. “Chester,” he said gently, cupping his model’s shoulder. “It’s nothing bad. You have a bright future here. I just want to talk with you about it.” 

“A future?” 

“Yes. Now, go and enjoy the cabin with Mike and Cheese, and I’ll see you when you get back. Alright? I don’t want you to worry over this.” 

The death grip Chester had on the cabin keys lightened up as Chester agreed. Forrest saying he had a bright future at Score was reassuring. Now Chester just had to believe it. “Okay. I’m not worrying,” he said, even though he knew they both knew that wasn’t true. “Thank you again. We’ll be careful at the cabin.” 

“It’s a cabin, Chester. Have fun. You’ve earned it this year.” Forrest patted Chester’s shoulder before he let him go. “Have a merry Christmas. And I’ll see you when you get back.” 

“You too,” Chester said quickly, his insides bolting from nervous and worried to excited as he told Forrest goodbye and headed out of his office. He couldn’t wait to get home and show Mike the keys to the cabin. 

****

The timer projected on the screen at the front of the room showed a little over an hour left, and though Mike was looking at it, he wasn’t thinking about his test. His last final, his music theory exam, was almost finished, anyway, and he was tapping the eraser end of his pencil against his lips while his mind replayed the previous afternoon. A few minutes ago his free hand reached up to fluff his bangs back away from his face, and as he pushed them back he dug his fingers in and tugged on the hair at the nape of his neck, and his focus was gone.

It wasn’t the same as Chester’s fingers in his hair pulling at it, but it reminded him of the way things had gone after Chester ended his FaceTime call the night before. Thinking about Chester behind him, taking control the way he did, sent a hot flush over his skin… right there in the middle of his theory exam. A half smile crossed his face. As soon as Chester put the phone down, Mike had been back on him, kissing down his neck and touching over every bit of skin he could find. Once he reminded Chester where they had stopped, and his words, _I want you in me,_ it hadn’t taken long for his clothes to be on the floor. They’d made a trail of clothing from the couch to the bedroom, shutting the door between them and a sleeping Cheese, before Chester got him on the bed.

Mike looked down at his exam, scratching his beard. _Fuck. I need to get this finished. I’m going to fail because Ches and I can’t keep our hands off each other._ He smiled again, scribbling in a few more answers before his mind drifted again. 

Matt was sitting at the front of the room, monitoring his undergraduates. He was finished with his own exams, and looking forward to getting his grades submitted and relaxing for the next few weeks. There were plans to go to a club in the city on Friday, and the entire time he watched his students, he was trying to figure a way to get Mike Shinoda to come along. Matt was even willing to invite Chester, just to get Mike into the close space, with alcohol flowing freely.

He watched Mike in his chair, first pulling at his shirt, then at his hair, and wondered what that was all about. The exam wasn’t hard, not for someone like Mike, so the constant fidgeting and daydreaming didn’t make any sense to him. Mike should have been the first one to turn in his work, but students kept bringing him exams, and Mike stayed in his chair.

Matt cocked his head to the side when he caught a blush over Mike’s cheeks and a sideways smirk. _He’s thinking about Chester. I know. I’ve never seen someone so smitten._ It made the challenge of getting closer to Mike so much more interesting.

Mike rested his elbow on the desk and looked down at his exam. Just like the day before, he couldn’t keep sex with Chester off his mind, and he kept telling himself that as soon as he was done, he’d have six weeks off to have all the sex he wanted, when he wanted, with no studying in the way. His hand drifted back behind his head again and he closed his eyes, pulling at his hair again. How they had made it three years and never discovered hair pulling turned him on was mind boggling. Just the memory of the way Chester had taken him from behind, the way he’d tugged at his hair and kissed the spot behind his ear, caused Mike to shift in his seat again. _Fuck. I hope he’s home when I get there. There’s all kinds of ways he can pull my hair. I wonder if he’d pull on it while I go down on him._

Mike’s eyes flashed up to the front of the room to the timer, and caught Matt staring at him. He felt the blush on his cheeks, even though there was no way for Matt to know he was thinking about what it would be like to get on his knees and have his hair pulled while he made Chester come. Mike was pretty sure it would make _him_ come, and he wanted to go home. He quickly put his eyes back on his test. Five questions to go. 

Matt had never wanted to know what someone was thinking as much as he wanted to know what was happening in Mike’s head. He knew it wasn’t music theory. He watched as Mike seemed to buckle down over his paper, finishing in only a few more minutes. He flashed Mike his best smile when he got up to turn in his test. “Mike,” he whispered, “can you hang around for a few minutes? I wanted to talk to you.” He looked. There were five students left in the room.

The impatient look Mike gave him in return was involuntary, and he tried to make up for it. Matt might have something to say about his grade, or the class, or even his theory class next semester. “I guess,” Mike whispered back. “I need to be going soon.”

“Just wait for me outside,” Matt whispered, then waved Mike off. 

With a huff, Mike went back to his seat to collect his things. He dug around in his backpack for his phone and pulled it out. It was powered off due to the exam, and he slung his bag over his shoulder and left the room, pressing the side button on the phone to bring it to life. The first thing he did was text Chester.

 **Mike** : _Can’t wait to get to you. I haven’t stopped thinking about yesterday. I couldn’t focus on my test._

 **Chester** : _For shame, Sexy Boy. Don’t fail the test!_

Mike settled on the bench outside the music building to wait for Matt, promising himself if it was longer than ten minutes, he was leaving.

 **Mike** : _Oh I didn’t. It just took forever because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Are you home? I’m having to wait for a minute on Matt. He wanted to tell me something._

**Chester:** _Yesterday was hella fun. *wink* and I’m not home yet. I just got to Talinda’s. I’m going to pack up Ry’s stuff and then I’ll be home. I’ll grab food. What do you want me to bring you?_

Part of Mike wanted to whine that Chester wasn’t coming straight home from Score, but the other part was excited about dinner. He bit his bottom lip as he thought it over, pondering all the options.

 **Mike** : _How about that sandwich place with the meatball subs? Can you get me a footlong? I’m starving. And whatever good sides they’ve got. Oh! And extra cheese._

 **Chester:** _Always extra cheese. I won’t be long. Ry never really unpacked his stuff after he moved in there, and Talinda already did his laundry so I wouldn’t have to pack dirty clothes. NOT that I would. Just sayin’. I’ll bring us meatball subs and something sweet. We should have a drink tonight. I have a surprise for you when I get home._

 **Mike** : _Yes. Dessert. Then I want you for dessert. That’s the surprise, right?_ Mike grinned at his phone and looked up at the music building. Matt was nowhere to be found. He looked back at his phone and the three little dots showing that Chester had instantly started his response. 

**Chester:** _You’re so bad. But I love being dessert :) and I mean a real surprise._

 **Mike** : _Hurry home. I love you._ He stood up when the door opened and Matt stepped  
out. 

**Chester:** _I love you, too._

Matt hurried over right as Mike pocketed his phone. “Hey, glad you waited. Was that Chester?” he asked, nodding at the device that was now out of sight.

“Yeah, we were making dinner plans. What’s up, Matt?” Mike was only half listening before the conversation even started. He wondered what the surprise was, and he already wanted dinner. He was going to have to get a snack if Chester was going to be a little while. Both hands went behind him and under his backpack, shifting it up. 

“Semester is over, and we’re all going to a club Friday night. I thought you and Chester might want to join us. Celebrate the break.” Matt grinned at the surprise on Mike’s face.

Mike had been prepared to say no the second he heard the word “club” come out of Matt’s mouth, but then he’d invited Chester along. It was different from how the conversation usually went, and Mike paused. Maybe he’d been reading Matt wrong the whole time. Maybe his TA hadn’t been hitting on him, maybe he really was just being friendly. He felt bad having to say no again, especially if Matt really had just been trying to be friendly all along. He decided quickly not to commit, but also not say no. “Oh. Well, maybe. We’ve got some things coming up, I’m not sure we’re free Friday night. But I’ll ask Ches.” Mike even smiled slightly. “Send me the info, email me.” 

“Email? I’m not emailing you a club name,” Matt scoffed. “You’ll have to give me your number. I promise, I won’t bug you. I’ll just check and see if y’all are coming.” He waved his phone at Mike.

“Um, well… okay.” Mike felt a little apprehensive, but that was the hole he’d dug by not simply saying no. He rattled off his number quickly. “I’ll talk to Ches,” he promised. “Speaking of, I’ve gotta head out. I’ll see you around. Have a good holiday, if I don’t see you.” He turned to leave before he added, “thanks for the invite.”

“Sure,” Matt said. “I’ll catch you later, Mike.” He watched Mike Shinoda walk away from him, and for the first time, his student hadn’t said no to the idea of going out. It seemed like a win.

Before Mike even made it back to the apartment, he had a text from Matt about the club. He figured he’d tell him no over text later that night. Right now, the most pressing matter was getting inside, taking Cheese out, and getting a snack. He smiled at the thought of his surprise for later. _I’ll play with Cheese, eat, and take a nap. Then maybe Ches will be home. It’s gonna be great to be off for a few weeks, starting with this trip to Seattle. It will be cozy. Ches can wear his sweaters and I can wear flannels without him teasing me. I wish it was Friday already._

Mike switched gears from Matt and school to home and Chester, and with a big smile opened the door to the excitement and tail wagging of his little puppy.

****

“I can’t believe you and Jay went and got STD tests together,” Chester laughed as he stood at the small closet in Ryan’s bedroom at Talinda’s. His phone was propped up by Ryan’s paperback copy of _Twilight_ , giving Ryan a good view of the open closet, his clothes, and Chester. 

“Why can’t you believe it?” Ryan asked as he sat on the bed in Jason’s bedroom, his back against a pillow, his long legs crossed and stretched out in front of him. “Me and Jay, we’re modern. We can go take a test together. It’s not like any of us are a stranger to that. Chazzy, make sure you get my Batman shirt,” he insisted when the black t-shirt with the yellow superhero logo on the front popped into view. 

Chester pulled the t-shirt off the hangers next and held it up. “Got it,” he said, before he carefully folded it. If you didn’t know better, you would swear Chester Bennington had once worked at the GAP. “And it’s not a question of being chicken shit to take a test. I mean, you guys are back together already?” He looked at his phone, watching as Ryan’s face went still for a second. 

“We are,” Ryan answered, glancing towards the closed bedroom door. Jason was downstairs, sitting at the dining room table trying to work, and his face hovered in Ryan’s mind for a second before he smiled down at his phone. “He wants me here, Chazzy. And I want to be here. You know how we are...it’s always been hard for us to keep our hands off each other and that hasn’t changed. And, well, I _need_ to get tested,” he added, his voice going a little softer as his gaze dropped to his lap. “You know? I need to be sure I’m safe. I don’t want to hurt him.”

Chester dropped the neatly folded Batman shirt into the open roller suitcase that was on the bed before he crouched down, putting him eye-level with his phone. “I know,” he said, making eye contact with Ryan. “And there’s nothing wrong with being safe. We should all be safe.” 

“That’s been drilled into us,” Ryan said, Jason’s words from yesterday clicking in his mind. “Anyway. Seattle’s lame and so not up-to-date with the times. We won’t even get our results till tomorrow. _Tomorrow_ ,” he stressed, sitting forward a little. “Can you believe that?” 

“Twenty-four hours. That is brutal. Fuck, if I actually thought I had something and I had to wait an entire day, I think I’d go crazy.” 

“I’m not super worried,” Ryan said, and that was true. “But we want to be sure, that way as soon as we know, it’s game on.” 

Chester cracked a smile as he stood back up to take more shirts from the closet. “Game on is where it’s at,” he said, folding both shirts quickly and getting them into the suitcase. “So what are you going to do up there? For work? Thinking of checking out the fashion scene in Seattle? Oh my god!” He shouted as he rushed back to the bed and dropped to his knees, grabbing his phone. “I bet all the models wear flannels! Ry, I’m not sure I could handle seeing you in something like that.” His hand went over his heart. “It might crush my soul.” 

Ryan’s head went back as he laughed. “You’re so funny. Please. Like I’d _ever_ put on one of those things. Your _Sexy Boy_ can keep all of them.”

“Hey, he _is_ sexy, even in flannel,” Chester defended as he left his phone back on the bed and stood up. “Anyway. So no flannel modeling. Have you thought that far ahead yet?” 

Ryan watched Chester pull down another shirt. The closet was almost empty. “I haven’t, not really,” he admitted. “Flannels aside, I was actually thinking maybe something more...normal.” 

Chester narrowed his eyes as he twisted and dropped another folded shirt into the suitcase. “What’s that mean?” 

Ryan shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe something not flashy. No cameras or people looking at me.” 

Chester already had another shirt in his hands, but he stopped. “Is there a reason?” For as long as he’d known Ryan, he’d always loved being in front of the camera. He loved the attention and the money that came with it, whether it was porn or fashion. It was something Ryan was good at, and it was hard to understand why he would leave that behind. “Is it because of what happened? Ry, Forrest isn’t mad. If he sees you’re doing better and you’re clean, he’d give you a good recommendation.” 

Ryan shook his head. “It’s not that,” he said as he watched Chester go off screen for a second, and then he was back in front of the closet. “I think I’m just ready for something more low-key, you know? I want to go to work and earn a paycheck and then come home to Jay. I don’t want any drama anymore. I’m getting too old for that shit, and me and Jay, we don’t need that.”

“Jason’s never been the jealous type,” Chester said, but he clamped his mouth shut right after. His eyes coasted to the end of the bed, the place where he and Jason had sat the week before and Jason had admitted just how much hurt and jealousy he’d felt over the years of his marriage to Mark. “You’re right,” he said, looking back at Ryan’s confused face. “Life is better without drama. You’ll probably find something kickass.” 

“I hope. Or just something,” Ryan said as Chester stepped out of the frame again, and the sight of his now empty closet came into view. It was a small ping to his heart. He was leaving Talinda and with that, he was leaving Skippy the turtle behind, too. And Amir. He was leaving Chester. He was leaving L.A. - his city - and that wasn’t without some sadness. “Guess that’s it for the closet.” 

Chester turned to give it one more once over, but there was nothing left. Just empty hangers. “Yeah. That’s two full suitcases, buddy,” he said as he shut the door and looked around the room. Most of Ryan’s stuff had never been unpacked, and those boxes he’d already taken out to the Lotus. “Do you need anything else from in here?” He picked up his phone and turned it around so Ryan could see the room. 

It looked empty - like no one lived there - and Ryan sighed. “I think that’s it,” he decided, just as he saw the little nightstand by the bed. “Oh, Chaz, there’s stuff in that drawer.” He pointed, even though he knew Chester couldn’t see him at the moment. 

Chester stepped around the bed. “In the nightstand?” 

“Yeah.” 

Chester sat down on the edge of the bed and opened the drawer. A pile of receipts hit him first. “It’s papers, Ry. Oh, these are the receipts. Jay and I looked through these when we were here trying to find Rob’s address,” he admitted, holding his phone out to the side, so Ryan could see what he was doing with one hand. “Pretty sure they’re all, like, food and gas receipts. Do you need them?” 

“No,” Ryan said, shaking his head. “You can just toss anything like that.” He scratched his fingers over his beard as he watched Chester pull out one paper after another. “Pictures!” he called, the moment he saw them come into view.

“Got ‘em,” Chester assured him as he grabbed the few photos. “Here, I’m going to put you down.” 

“Don’t drop me!” 

“When have I ever dropped you?” Chester asked with a smirk, before he stretched out on the bed and grabbed _Twilight_. He plopped it onto the nightstand and leaned the phone against it. “Awww, look, you have a pic of me in here,” he teased, holding up the picture of the two of them for the camera to see and he snorted as Ryan rolled his eyes.

“You’re lucky I’m not there or I’d have to kick your smart ass all over that room.” 

“Whatever,” Chester laughed as he took the pictures and left them on the bed. “Um, there’s some money in here.” He held up the envelope and the cash that was inside. “Looks like fifty bucks. I’m taking this as a finder’s fee.” 

“What? No!” Ryan protested, sitting forward again. “And you didn’t find anything, I told you to look in that drawer.” 

“Fiiine,” Chester whined, before he tossed the money on the bed with the pictures. He looked in the drawer. “That’s it.” 

Ryan sat still for a minute as he watched Chester search through the drawer one more time. “Are you sure? There should be a box in there,” he said, his tone going serious. He glanced towards the closed bedroom door again, and then down at Blue. She was pressed up against his side, sleeping. “A ring box, Chazzy. It’s black.” 

Chester shook his head. “I don’t see a box.” He took the phone and held it over the open drawer so Ryan could see before he turned it back on himself. “No ring box.” 

“Well, it has to be somewhere,” Ryan said, just as a despairing thought hit. He shut his eyes. “Fuck,” he whispered. 

“What’s wrong? What’s in the box? Ohhhh,” Chester said in one long breath. “The rings. Fuck, Ry, I haven’t seen them,” he said, as he stood up from the bed and looked around. He’d already taken the cardboard boxes from under the bed out to the car. “Jason’s ring, right?” he asked, and he glanced at his phone screen long enough to see Ryan nodding and looking ill. “Well, maybe they’re in one of the boxes out in the car? Maybe you never unpacked them.” 

Ryan’s shoulders slumped. “No. I did. They were by the bed.” He didn’t want to say out loud that maybe he’d lost them. Maybe he’d pawned them at one point. Maybe he’d stupidly taken them to Rob’s for some unknown reason and Samantha O had gotten her sticky fingers on them. _How could I let that happen? Jason’s ring...my ring. They’re gone. I lost them._

Ryan let out a breath that shook his body. “It’s okay, Chaz. Thanks for looking. Thank you for everything,” he amended. It was hard to be so far away. He wasn’t there to search every nook and cranny of the bedroom, and he wasn’t going to ask Chester to do it, either. _Maybe Talinda will find them one day. She would send them to me, if she ever found them._

That thought helped a little, and Ryan smiled. He had good friends in his life, even though he knew he didn’t deserve them. “So what’s the Lotus looking like? Is everything going to fit? After you calculate in your five bags you’ll bring along.” 

“Please,” Chester huffed as he headed for the open suitcases, ready to zip them up. He set Ryan on the bed, propped on a pillow this time so they could still see each other. “I’m not going to bring five. It will probably only be four. And that’s including Mike’s,” he said, pointing a finger at the phone as they both laughed. 

Just outside the room, Talinda was getting ready to step in. She’d been trying to stay away, to let Chester and Ryan have their privacy, even if Ryan was hundreds of miles away. But the sound of laughter had drawn her to the room. She’d already had her conversation with Ryan, an hour on the phone with him that was filled with apologies and promises and reassurances that he was okay. It had been a lot to take in, and Talinda had hesitated to believe that Ryan really was okay. She’d heard that story from him before over the months they’d lived together. When he’d come in drunk, or not at all. She’d been fed all the lines, all the right words from Ryan that were meant to make her calm down and back off, and so much of that had been fake. 

_But this isn’t fake._ She stayed right outside the room, listening as the two men joked and poked at each other, as they teased and she could hear Ryan laughing louder than Chester at times, which was an accomplishment. She heard his voice, crisp and clean and sounding very much like Ryan Shuck, not the shell of him that she’d been living with over the last few weeks. She cupped her hand over her mouth as she leaned against the wall, listening. _Chester was right. Ryan just needed his Jason._

**** 

Chester shut his car door with his butt. His hands were full. He had a bag of meatball sandwiches in one, and a chocolate cheesecake in the other. He managed to hit the lock button on his keys, before he headed for the campus apartments. He was in a great mood. The sun wasn’t down yet, but it wasn’t blazing either. He’d gotten all of Ryan’s things packed in the Lotus, and it was ready to go as soon as they were on Friday. He had dinner, dessert, and the keys to the cabin up in Washington hidden away in his pocket. He couldn't wait to tell Mike all about it. 

He stepped from the curb, up onto the sidewalk, with a hop in his step. There was music playing in his head as his walk turned into a dance. His hips went side to side, as he mumbled the words to the last song that had been playing in the car on his way home. 

He hummed along as he turned, and did a full spin before heading a few more steps with his offerings. He couldn’t stop smiling as he danced all the way to the apartments. He got a few looks, a couple of stares - all from people he didn’t know, and he didn’t care. No one was going to dampen his mood. There had been enough sad emotions lately, and Chester was ready to feel good. 

He took his time on the stairs, singing out loud by the time he got to the top, his voice loud and booming before he danced down the corridor towards the apartment door. His song quickly turned to made up lyrics. 

“Bringing cheesecake to my Sexy Boy. Got food and keys, and extra cheese,” he sang, clear up until he got to the door. He stopped, breathing a little heavy from all the dancing, singing, and stair climbing. He looked down at his full hands. He had his keys out, but he was pretty sure he’d never get them in the door. He bent his knees, and grabbed the doorknob without dropping the bag of sandwiches, but it was locked. _Dammit._

He rearranged everything, just enough to get the key in the lock, and then he shoved the door open. “Honey, I’m home!” he called, with a smile stretched across his face. He saw Mike on the couch, Cheese next to him. Unlike his boyfriend, she was awake, and on her way to greet him. She jumped down and was at his feet before he got all the way in. “Cheesy Girl,” he said, as he closed the door with his foot. “Hang on, I gotta put all this stuff down.” He headed for the kitchen, the terrier right by his side. “Mike, wake up!” he hollered as he sat everything down on the bar. “I got dinner. And cheesecake!” 

Mike lifted his head from the couch and rubbed his eyes. His chest was warm from where Cheese had been laying against him, but she was gone. “Cheesecake? I love cheesecake,” he mumbled, sitting up. “I’m all done with my tests, babe,” he celebrated as he stretched. “How was Talinda’s?” 

“It was good. I got everything packed up and ready to go.” Chester went to the sink and quickly washed his hands before he grabbed the nearby dish towel to dry them off. He walked back around the bar to see Mike sitting up on the couch. “How were your tests? Not too bad?” 

“I felt good about them,” Mike said, sliding off the couch to wrap his arms around Chester. “I missed you. I was thinking about you.” He kissed the side of Chester’s neck and breathed in deeply. “God, I smell the meatballs. You’re the best.” 

Chester leaned against Mike as he pointed to the two wrapped sandwiches, one twice as long as the other. “I got your extra cheese, and chocolate cheesecake for dessert. And it all smells fucking fantastic.” He turned his head and kissed Mike’s cheek before he pulled away and went to the refrigerator. “What do you want to drink?” 

Mike cocked his head to the side. He wasn’t sure what they had. “Um, whatever you’re having.” He watched Cheese follow Chester into the kitchen and smiled. He was surprised she wasn’t at his feet, looking up as she also smelled the meatballs. Chester was more appealing, and Mike had to agree. He watched Chester’s small ass sashay across the kitchen. “You’re in a mood,” he said as he pulled his sandwich closer and put Chester’s in front of his barstool. He sat down to wait politely instead of tearing into the sandwich the way he wanted to. 

Chester popped the caps off of two beers. He handed one to Mike. “Sexy Boy, it’s been a good day.” He raised his bottle, and then they clinked them together before they both took a drink. “I talked to Forrest, and not only is he not mad at Ryan, but my job is safe. He said that I had a _bright future_ at Score, and when I get back from Seattle, we’re going to talk more about whatever that means.” 

“Oh, that’s good!” Mike cheered, accepting the beer and the toast. It was one he’d learned to like, and it would go with his sandwich. _Maybe not the cheesecake, though._ He took another sip as Chester sat down. “I know you’re relieved about that. Wow, I wonder what he means. It could be anything. Oh! So that’s the surprise,” he decided, unwrapping his sandwich and giving it an appreciative once over before he took a bite. The cheese was melty and delicious, and the sauce on the meatballs spicy the way he liked it.

For the moment, Chester left his sandwich alone. He was perched on his barstool, and happy with his beer as he watched Mike’s eyes light up at the sight of his food. “No, that’s not the surprise. But I am relieved about that.” He took another sip. “Things went great at Talinda’s. Ry called her and they made up, and we talked while I was packing everything up. Seeing him and hearing him today, I really think he’s going to be okay.” 

“Good,” Mike said between bites, and he one hundred percent meant it. He knew most of Chester’s good mood had to do with things being on the mend between him and Ryan. The past few months, and couple of weeks in particular, had been really hard. Despite all of the issues between him and Ryan, Mike didn’t want to see him hurt himself, especially knowing how it was hurting his boyfriend. Everything seemed to be on the upswing, and it was in perfect timing with the end of his semester and the hours of studying that kept him from tending to Chester’s needs the way he wanted. “So what’s the plan for Ryan’s stuff?” he asked. “We got invited to a club Friday but I figured we wouldn’t be here.” 

Chester cocked his eyebrow. “A club? Who invited us to a club?” He took another drink before leaving his beer on the bar and unwrapping his sandwich. “And I figure Friday will be a good day to head up to Seattle. Everything’s packed, other than our stuff. Talinda said I can leave my car at her place while we’re gone, so we’ll drive over there and switch vehicles.” 

“Matt,” Mike replied, rolling his eyes. “To celebrate the end of the semester. I told him we probably wouldn’t go.” He looked over from his sandwich and shrugged. “It’s not really my scene anyway.” He picked up his beer for a sip and then grinned suddenly, his mind switching gears. “I was thinking about how you could wear some of your winter clothes in Seattle. You’re probably excited about that.” Mike loved the way Chester’s eyes lit up when he mentioned clothes. 

“I’m going to pack them all,” Chester stated after swallowing a bite of his sandwich. It was hot and gooey with cheese, and his empty stomach loved it. It had been an exciting day, and he hadn’t had much to eat until now. “I left us room in the Lotus for our bags. We can fit five,” he said with a smirk, thinking back to Ryan’s comment. “Which we might need, depending on how long we decide to stay up there.”

Mike almost spit out his beer. “Five? Ches, that’s so many! Don’t forget we have to leave room for Cheese to be comfortable.” He looked down. Cheese had settled between their barstools, her head on her tiny paws. “And Cheese stuff. That’s two suitcases worth of room right there. I’m afraid you might have to make do with two.” He looked back at Chester. “Besides, we can’t stay forever. Hotels aren’t cheap.” He took a savage bite of his sandwich. It was already half gone.

Chester’s mouth dropped open. “Two? _Michael_ ,” he huffed seriously, leaving his sandwich on its wrapper. “Do you hear yourself? Two? I just can’t.” He looked away, taking a deep breath as his mind sifted through his collection of warmer clothes. He had plenty to survive in the cold north for a week, if he could get Mike to agree to stay so long. He looked down at Cheese. They’d make it all work. “I think we’ll be okay on the hotel thing.” He looked over at Mike. He hadn’t missed the tone in his boyfriend’s voice when he’d mentioned it being expensive. Chester was trying to decide how much he wanted to torture his lover before he pulled the cabin keys from his pocket. “We should stay a whole week,” he suggested, trying not to laugh. “Cheese will love it, and I’ll make sure we have room for all our clothes. And Cheese stuff.” 

“A week!” Mike exclaimed, his mind racing through how much a week of hotels would cost before he looked down at the keys Chester had put on the bar. They looked like house keys, and Mike assumed they were to Talinda’s place. “What are those? Did Talinda give you keys?” he asked, pointing, a confused expression on his face.

“No. These aren’t to Talinda’s. These are to a cabin in Redmond, Washington. Just outside of Seattle. It’s got a lake view.” He waited, watching as the look on Mike’s face shifted from confused, to down right befuddled. “They’re to Forrest’s cabin. He said we can stay there as long as we want.” He pointed to the gold S on the keyring. “S for Score,” he said with a lift in his tone. “He said Cheese can come, too, and that she’ll love the lake and the woods. I mean, if you want to stay there. If you’re set on a hotel room…” He shrugged his shoulders and picked up his sandwich. He knew his boyfriend was about to bust. There was no way he’d pick paying for a hotel room when they could have an entire cabin for free. 

Mike lowered his sandwich to the wrapper and stared at Chester. “Seriously? That’s… that’s so awesome! No, no hotel rooms, this is great!” He turned in his chair to face his boyfriend. “Seriously?” he asked again. Forrest offering up his cabin was generous, and the timing was perfect. Mike’s imagination was suddenly filled with ideas of what the cabin might be like. He remembered the cabins of his childhood family trips, all the raw wood and heavy stone finishes, fireplaces and spectacular views. The idea of getting to hole up inside one with Chester for an undefined amount of time was appealing, and now he was looking forward to going to Seattle. “Is it Friday yet? I’m ready to go!” 

“I wish it was Friday,” Chester agreed, taking a sip of beer to wash down his food. “And I’m very serious. He said it’s got a full kitchen, and a washer and dryer if we need to do laundry, so _if_ the unthinkable happens and we can’t take as many bags as I want, I can always wash and rewear. We have to take our own groceries, but other than that, he said it’s set.” He smiled at Mike. “It’s going to be fun. I’ve never stayed in a cabin before.” 

Mike’s thoughts had already skipped ahead to hiking through the woods, letting Cheese run free, the possibility of snow, and the endless places they could find to make love. He was thinking about fireplaces and heavy blankets and cuddling, and nakedness. It was freeing not to have a single thought to classes or school. “Ches, next week is Christmas,” he said suddenly. “Do you want to stay there for Christmas? It would be so much better than being here. I know a lot of people will be leaving to go home for the break, but it would still be quieter to have Christmas at the cabin. Oh, I want to do that.” He turned his biggest eyes to Chester, hoping he would say yes despite having a general hatred for the weather in Seattle, and presumably the surrounding area. 

Staying in cold Washington for Christmas really hadn't been on Chester’s mind. That would mean he would need to secretly pack Mike’s Christmas present in with all their clothes. And the one he’d gotten for Cheese. They had already talked about how peaceful it was finally going to be around campus for the next two weeks, with so many students going off to spend time with their families. It was going to be nice.

But that was before the cabin, before the idea of taking a long vacation instead of rushing up to Seattle and then coming right back. Besides, the look on his boyfriend’s face - those big, pleading dark brown eyes - it was useless to try and resist. “We can do that,” Chester agreed. “I just hope it snows instead of rains. Every time I talk to Ry, it seems like it’s raining up there.” He looked down at their puppy. “She’s going to love it. Forrest said the cabin is dog proof, whatever that means, so I know she’ll be comfortable. I’m sure he takes his pack of dogs with him when he goes up there. He loves them.” Before he could say more, his phone jingled in his pocket, and he pulled it out, reading the text. “Speak of the devil, that’s him. Directions and an address.” 

Another blip popped across his phone, and Chester’s eyes widened. “Wow, Sexy Boy...fuck, look at this place.” He turned his phone around to show Mike the two pictures Forrest had just sent over - one of the outside of the cabin, and one of the inside, which included a peek-a-boo view of the lake in the background. 

Mike already had another mouthful of sandwich, but he leaned close to take a look. The pictures were impressive, and Mike’s excitement went up another notch. He swallowed and pointed at the picture with the lake view. “Look at that, Ches. It’s going to be amazing. So relaxing after this crazy semester. You watch, the weather won’t even bother you in a place like that. That’s a sturdy place. I bet you can’t even hear the thunder inside. And besides,” he said, his voice dropping a little lower, “I’ll be there. The thunder can’t get you when I’ve got you.” 

It was going to be a fantastic trip, and Mike wasn’t even bothered at the idea of having to go to Jason’s place anymore. It would be mere minutes in a fantastic week they would be spending together, all alone. There would be the magic of Christmas morning together with their puppy. He could live in flannels and flannel pajamas and not worry about looking fashionable enough to be the boyfriend of a fashion model. There would be no backpack, no books, no studying. He couldn’t wait. He shifted back into his seat and finished up his sandwich, a smile on his face.

Chester wasn’t sold on the idea that the thunder wouldn’t bother him, but he was going to go with it. He didn’t want his mood ruined by thoughts of lightning out over the water or thunder that rattled the walls of the cabin. He clicked his phone to life to look at the two pictures again. Just like he figured, it looked high end, without being pretentious. It would be a bit of luxury in the woods, and that actually sounded okay, despite Chester’s love for city life. “I’m going to hold you to that,” he said, as he texted Forrest back to thank him again. He set his phone down and picked up his beer. “First rumble of thunder, and I’m under whatever blanket we have.” His eyes narrowed as he looked down at their puppy. “Cheese won’t like the thunder. I bet she’ll get a kick out of the snow though, if we get to see any.” 

“Don’t you go projecting your fear of thunder on our puppy, Ches,” Mike warned. “It’s like you told me at the vet. She’ll know if you’re scared. I’ll cover you with all the blankets you want, but don’t scare Cheese.” He stood up, balling up his sandwich wrapper to throw it away. He decided not to let his feelings be hurt that Chester didn’t think being with him was enough protection or distraction from the thunder. 

Chester’s insides sank a little bit as he looked down at Cheese. _Fear of thunder._ He hated the way it sounded, like he was five years old and scared of the dark, too. Thunder wasn’t even something he’d tackled yet in therapy, and he didn’t really want to. He had enough serious issues without tossing in one more childhood trauma. “You’re right,” he decided as he watched Mike move around the kitchen to get plates for their dessert. “I’ll do my best for Cheese. She _will_ know. She’s smart like that.”

“She is. She’s such a good girl, yes she is,” Mike called, even though he couldn’t see the dog. “And I know you will, babe. You love her so much.” He looked over at the troubled expression on Chester’s face and immediately felt bad. “Ches, I’m sorry babe. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I know you’d never scare her on purpose. And I know you can’t help it.” He stepped over and put his hand out, over the bar, to rub Chester’s arm. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to spoil the mood. It’s been a good day.” 

Chester cupped Mike’s hand. “I’m okay. I’m just being sensitive.” He smiled at his boyfriend as his mind slowly shifted gears. “How about we make coffee to go with dessert?” He glanced down at his sandwich. He still had a few bites left, but he was done. He was ready for something sweet. “You should slice us a really big piece and put it on one plate to share. We can find a good movie to put on.” He knew sharing a plate with Mike meant he’d have to be on the ball, and not dilly-dally around taking his share, or he wouldn’t get it. But he was up for the moment of splitting one of their favorite desserts, rather than taking separate pieces. 

Mike squeezed his arm. “Okay, babe.” He turned back to the plates he’d gotten and put one away. They didn’t typically share dessert, which meant he’d have to slow it down. _He always tells me I eat too fast anyway. I’ll take a bite after each of his._ Mike paused, thinking that over. _That will be weird._ He opened the drawer and pulled out the knife, cutting a generous slice for their plate. “I’ll get the coffee if you wanna feed Cheese.” 

“I’m on it,” Chester affirmed as he stood up. He gulped down the rest of his beer before he tossed it and the wrapper and the rest of his sandwich in the trash. He took a minute to step behind Mike, to wrap his arms around his waist and kiss the back of his neck. “I can’t wait till Friday. Well, I guess Saturday. We won’t get to the cabin till Saturday. I can’t wait till Saturday.”

****  
TBC


	24. LAS 3

A/N: Happy Sunday! Sorry for the late update today, ONE of us was picking the OTHER one up from the airport. :) Just think of all the writing we can get done in person! In fact, our last time together, we wrote the Never Have I Ever chapter in DE, haha, so you never know what kind of trouble we’re going to get into.

Anyway, we’re glad that everyone is on the “we like Forrest” train now. He really is a good guy, as we’ve been saying! The cabin in Seattle is something to look forward to, for sure! **Luna,** don’t worry too much about it raining this time, it’s winter so it will be snowing, instead! **Beatit81,** Ryan and Chester are doing much better on their friendship, now, and hopefully it only improves from here on out. **JellyfishLP,** Mike fantasizing about Chester _might_ be something Mike’s writer did during an exam back in the day. ;D 

We also agree - Matt is a creeper. At least Mike and Chester are getting away from campus for a little while, so we don’t have to worry about Matt for a little while longer. We’ll be in Seattle for the next several chapters, and FYI, this chapter is all Ryan and Jason. They _are_ waiting on some test results, you know… 

****

Downstairs in his Seattle apartment, Jason was trying hard to work. He thought by moving the operation to the dining table downstairs instead of the bedroom he would be able to concentrate more, but his mind kept returning to the fact that Ryan Shuck was in his apartment. _His_ Ryan, who was looking better every day… and while that was the goal in having brought him to Seattle, it was not helping Jason keep his hands to himself. Six months of abstinence would be hard on anyone, but the knowledge that a reunion was imminent made waiting so much harder.

 _Seattle sucks,_ he thought for at least the hundredth time since they’d gone to get their STD tests yesterday morning. In L.A., same day results were commonplace, and Jason had been annoyed to find that here, the tests had to be sent out to a lab. It had not been the news that he or Ryan had been hoping for, and they had gone out to lunch in a public place to help keep the chaste space between them. The extra restaurant calories from the deli didn’t hurt, either, and Jason had been pleased to watch Ryan scarf down a giant sandwich piled with three meats and cheese on a pretzel roll, along with two bowls of soup. Once Ryan had his fill, they went to a coffee shop and sat for an hour, drinking coffee and sharing cookies. Ryan had teased him under the table the whole time, tapping his foot against Jason’s leg, rubbing his thigh, and tickling his knee, all while his eyes sparkled with life and anticipation. 

Jason watched the rain running down the windows and smiled, thinking about how they had been all over each other the moment they walked into the apartment. It had been a replay of the day before when they were in the bed, half naked, before they agreed to go get tested and stopped. _At least we kept our shirts on yesterday. God, he’s amazing. I wanted him so bad._

Just thinking about it was making Jason hot again. He got up from the table, running his hands over his face and into his hair. There was an inbox full of emails that needed his attention, and two project approvals he needed to sign off on, but it was hard to concentrate. He glanced at his watch again. _It’s after lunch. They said after lunch! When are they going to call?_ He sighed and sat down, opening an email. He was halfway through it before he stood up again and started for the stairs. His hand was on the railing, one foot on the bottom step, and then he shook his head. Going upstairs, where Ryan was hiding in the bedroom to allow Jason to concentrate on his work, would only lead to them making out and getting frustrated again. It also wouldn’t help him get on task for his job. 

Jason stopped and looked up the stairs, his shoulders dropping. He closed his eyes and turned around, pacing back over to the table, where his eyes caught his phone. _Ring, damnit. Ring._

Upstairs, Ryan was trying to make good use of his free time. He knew Jason had to work - even if he was working-from-home - and Ryan didn’t want to be distracting yet again. He was pretty sure Jason didn’t do any work yesterday, before or after they’d gone to get their tests, so today, Ryan was determined to give his boyfriend his space. 

Besides, physically they couldn’t go any further than they already had, and all the stopping and starting, fun as it was, was more frustrating than anything. Being so close and intimate with Jason without being able to go the full distance was hard. 

Ryan paced from the bedroom, into the open bathroom and to the closet, where the light was on. Jason’s clothes were there, all neatly hung and organized. It was amusing to see his boyfriend’s collection of long sleeves and sweaters. They were a far cry from the business dress shirts he was used to seeing Jason in. Those dressier clothes were still there, and he knew Jason wore them when he went into the office, but outside of that, it was all sweaters and jeans. _Jeans._

He smirked as he stepped over to Jason’s four drawer dresser. He opened the bottom drawer and smiled at the stacks of blue jeans. Even though he’d never minded Jason’s very business-like style, he had to admit it was nice to see his boyfriend shifting into a more comfortable lifestyle. A lifestyle where he was free to relax, and Ryan was ready to relax with him. 

He pulled his phone from the pocket of his joggers. No new messages or missed calls. _What a slow ass company,_ he whined in his head before he looked around the closet again. There was plenty of room for his clothes that would be coming in a day or two, and that was exciting. The thought of filling the empty space - of completing the space - was thrilling. It would be the first time he and Jason shared a closet. There was plenty of room for shirts and belts and shoes, and Jason already had a dresser coming for him. It would sit right next to Jason’s, a matching pair, and that made Ryan smile. 

_We’ve never had any of this. A space that’s just for us with our stuff. We’ve always had to share, or just not been together._ Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed. It seemed unfair. For as long as he and Jason had been lovers - over four years at this point - they should have had a place of their own a long time ago.

It was a useless rabbit trail thought, and Ryan knew it. He shoved it away as he walked out of the closet, crossed the bathroom and stopped by the bed, looking down at the sleeping cat. She was stretched out on the end of the bed, her head buried in her front legs. He sat down, his hand going out to stroke over Blue’s head as he stared out the window at the rain. After talking with Chester yesterday while his stuff was being packed up, Ryan had been thinking about work. He needed to find a job, and soon. He knew Jason would make him wait at least a few weeks while he regained his strength and got settled in, but after that, Ryan wanted to go out and do his part. He wanted his own money, and he wanted to contribute to the shared expenses of the apartment. _I want it to be our apartment, not just Jay’s. And eventually, I want to replace Jay’s ring, since I lost his other one._

He pursed his lips before he pulled his phone back out. He already had an employment app open on his phone, where he’d been scrolling through job opportunities, just seeing what was out there. It was going to be hard, he knew that, since he didn’t have any schooling, and the only job he could put on his resume was Score. He could only hope that Forrest really would give him a good reference. _Or maybe I’ll put Talinda down instead._

It was a positive thought, but one he didn’t get to linger on because his phone rang a second later. It was a Seattle number, and Ryan bolted to his feet as he answered it. It was the same call he’d gotten dozens of times over the years, a nurse on the other end who was going to tell him his test results, as long as he could verify he was in fact Ryan Christopher Shuck. 

On the third pass by the table, Jason’s phone finally rang. He stretched over the chair to get it, breathlessly bringing it to his ear and then calmly answering. It was the call he’d been waiting for. His voice was all business as he answered the confidential questions that identified him as himself, the way he’d done so many times before, and paused. Even though he knew his test would come back clean, it was a relief to hear the kind voice on the other end of the phone, letting him know that the battery of tests had come back negative for all infections, and did he have any questions for her. 

Jason didn’t waste any time letting the nurse know he was happy to hear the results and had no questions. He disconnected the call and set his phone down next to his computer. Even though he wanted to smile, to run up the stairs and tackle Ryan to the bed, he had no idea if his boyfriend had heard anything about his own test yet. He pressed his hand to the front of his shirt and took a deep breath. _I’ll go up and poke my head in. See if he’s heard. God. I hope everything is good. I hope all of those years at YRS had him making safe decisions, even when he wasn’t in his right mind. I hope we can put an end to all of this waiting._

He didn’t even bother to close his laptop before he crept up the stairs, listening to see if he could hear Ryan at all. There was no sound from the bedroom, and he wondered if maybe Ryan had fallen asleep again. _That would be okay. But I really hope he’s awake. I hope everything is good, I hope he’s heard something._ Jason pushed open the bedroom door. “Ry?” 

Ryan turned around, his phone still to his ear. He flashed Jason a look - a hang on look - before his concentration went elsewhere. He studied the way the dark blanket on the bed didn't quite reach the wood floors, mentally measuring the space in inches. He listened carefully as the woman on the other end gave him his results. “I understand. No, I don’t have any questions. Thank you,” he told her, before he hung up. 

He let out a long breath as he looked up. Jason was still in the doorway, watching him intently. His boyfriend’s hair was styled in the laid back fohawk cut he’d adopted after the demise of YRS. Jason had ditched his pajamas earlier in the morning when they’d strolled down the street to grab breakfast, a hot meal of chicken biscuits and coffee. Jason had left his blue jeans and light gray sweater on even after they got back, and Ryan licked his lips. His boyfriend looked good enough to eat, and at the moment, that was at the top of Ryan’s to-do list. “I’m clean,” he announced simply, tossing his phone onto the armchair sitting a few feet away from him. 

The relief swept over Jason like a tidal wave. A million things went through his head in the space of mere seconds, none of the thoughts lingering long enough to be formed into words. He didn’t say anything as he practically ran through the door and across the room, throwing his arms around Ryan’s neck and smashing his face into his lover’s neck. His weight hit Ryan squarely in the chest and they went backwards onto the bed, where Blue jumped up and yowled her displeasure as she ran from the room.

Jason didn’t care. In that moment, nothing else mattered but Ryan and the state of frustrated arousal they had been in for days. His fingers were in Ryan’s hair and he pressed their lips together, a rush of adrenaline hitting him as Ryan’s mouth opened instantly and their tongues met in a deep kiss. Jason’s knees were planted on either side of Ryan’s hips and he put every ounce of repressed desire into the way his body molded to his lover’s, fitting so perfectly and so tightly together. The kiss didn’t break until Jason was panting, and when he lifted up, he was met by Ryan’s beautiful blue eyes. “Me too,” he gasped breathlessly, “me too.” 

Ryan cupped the side of Jason’s face, looking up at him with every emotion - love, relief, happiness, excitement, anticipation, affection and attraction - zipping through him at once. “Good,” he managed to say before he pulled Jason back down to him. He bucked his hips from underneath. They had literally only kissed, but Ryan was already on his way to getting hard. The knowledge that they wouldn’t have to stop this time, that sex could be free and unfettered as they made love, was enough to bring arousal of the strongest kind.

He ran both his hands up Jason’s sides, shoving his gray sweater out of the way, before he broke their kiss. “You’re way too hot to be wearing this,” he said with a giddy smile across his lips while he tried to pull it over Jason’s head. 

Jason sat all the way up, his grin matching Ryan’s. He kept their eye contact while he pulled the bottom of the sweater up a little. “Oh yeah? You think I should take it off?” he asked, his coy side coming out to flirt. “I don’t know… it seems cold in here. What are you going to do to warm me up if I take it off?” He lifted one eyebrow and wiggled his hips on Ryan’s crotch. 

Ryan’s hands went right to Jason’s hips. “Mmmm, I don’t know,” he teased back, squeezing his fingers into Jason's jeans, before hooking his fingers into the closest belt loops. He tugged, jerking Jason forward a little on his lap. “But I’ll do _everything_ I can to keep you warm.” He lifted his head from the pillow, hoping Jason woud lean back down so they could kiss. 

The invitation was clear, and it only took Jason an extra second to pull his sweater over his head and toss it to the floor. “Oh, it’s _so_ cold,” he murmured as he leaned down, pressing both hands on the bed on either side of Ryan’s head and taking his lips again. He didn’t stay that way for long. His hands found their way into Ryan’s hair and soon Jason was flush against him again, his skin scraping against the soft cotton of the t-shirt Ryan was wearing. 

But Jason didn’t rush it. Despite having almost tackled Ryan to the bed just a few minutes ago, that recklessness was already subsiding into something warmer and slower. He pulled away from their kiss slightly to graze his lips over Ryan’s and tease him while his hips moved on their own. There was already a slight friction between them, and he could feel Ryan’s response to him underneath the joggers he had on. He heard himself moan softly and then he was sucking on Ryan’s bottom lip lightly, their breaths mingling between them. 

Ryan slid one hand down Jason’s naked side, and then the other before both shoved up under the back of Jason’s jeans. Ryan squeezed his boyfriend’s ass, pulling him down harder against himself as they kissed and licked at each other’s lips and skin. “You’re going to burn up in these jeans,” Ryan husked, before he kissed his way down Jason’s neck. He started fast, but the further he made it down, when he finally made it to Jason’s shoulder, his quick, succulent kisses, turned into something more. Each kiss was slow, followed by a lick of his tongue. Ryan heard himself moan more than once. As much as he wanted the sheer physical act of having sex with Jason, he also wanted it to be filled with love and affection to the point that there was no question about it. 

“I _am_ hot,” Jason gasped as Ryan’s facial hair tickled his skin. His chin was up, his head back as Ryan kissed over all the skin he could reach. One of his hands went down Ryan’s back, between his shoulder blades and the bed, but the other stayed in the soft hair he hadn’t been able to leave alone since Ryan came to Seattle. Jason had a thought about telling Ryan to keep it longer, but it disappeared when he felt Ryan’s knees lift behind him, pushing him forward a little. He pushed back, smirking a little when Ryan’s thighs moved him again. They were engaged in a private game, one that always ended with two winners.

He felt Ryan’s warm kisses go lower, and it was impossible to stay the way he was and give his lover access to more skin. Jason dragged his hand out from behind Ryan’s back, lightly scraping his nails, and he heard another moan from Ryan while he stayed in motion, a lick, a kiss, a soft suckle of skin before moving on to another place. “That feels so gooood,” he whispered. It felt like it had been forever since he’d been touched this way. 

It did feel good, and Ryan couldn’t get enough. “I want you to feel good,” he said, before all the animal-like behavior stopped. Ryan forced his body to go still. His knees were raised, his feet flat on the bed, keeping Jason caged on his lap, and he stayed in that position as he pulled his hands out from his boyfriend’s jeans, and wrapped them around his middle instead. Jason hadn’t been shy in admitting that their last time - their last time in L.A. - had been _his_ last time. “What do you want to do?” he asked, his voice just above a whisper as he kissed Jason's face. “You say it and we’ll do it.” 

The pause was unexpected, and Jason returned the gentle kisses to Ryan’s face before he looked him in the eyes. “I dreamed about you, Ry. All these months we’ve been apart, I’d think about you. Picture you here with me, and the most vivid thoughts were always of your eyes.” Jason left a kiss on Ryan’s temple. “If you missed me, too, the way you say, then you know what I want. I want you to make love to me like we have all the time in the world, and I want to see your face. I want to see your eyes.” He closed his eyes and nuzzled his nose and cheek against Ryan’s face, and kissed his earlobe. 

Ryan’s arms wrapped around Jason’s middle as he hugged him close. It was still hard to believe that they were together - alone together - and that they were both wanting everything that came with that. Ryan didn’t say anything as he rolled, taking Jason with him. He got them both onto their sides, and then Jason onto his back. Ryan hovered over him, kissing his face, his hair, and his neck. “Take your clothes off, Jason Akio, and we’ll make love.” He left one last kiss on Jason’s cheek before he pulled back and sat up, ready to strip himself of every piece of clothing he had on. There was no need to dance around barriers. They both knew what they wanted. 

“Wait,” Jason said, sitting up next to Ryan, his hand going out to the t-shirt that was already being lifted and ready to be discarded. “It’s been so long. Let me,” he begged, and then he was up on his knees, one hand at the hem of Ryan’s shirt and the other petting down his front. He didn’t wait for a verbal agreement. When Ryan let go of the shirt, Jason took that as his sign, lifting it up and over Ryan’s head as he raised his arms to help.

Even though he’d seen Ryan shirtless every day since he’d brought him home, this time was different. Jason could feel Ryan’s eyes on him when he reached out to trace over the tattoos on his chest, but when Jason looked up, Ryan’s eyes were closed. He skimmed his fingers across the designs, savoring the feel of the small amount of chest hair his lover had before he moved his hand down one bicep, inspecting first one side and then the other as Ryan stayed still. It was on his lips again to say how much he’d missed Ryan, but instead Jason leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the dip in his collarbone. “Okay… your turn. My pants first. Then yours.” He was not in the mood to be rushed. 

Ryan couldn’t remember a time when Jason looked so beautiful. His hair was a little disheveled, his cheeks flushed. His eyes were dark, his supple lips parted. His chest - his skin - was splotchy already, just from the few minutes they’d been making out. Ryan couldn’t help himself. He ran his hand up Jasons’ bare arm, and then coaxed him to lay down. He climbed between Jason’s legs, which were parted without argument. 

He looked down at Jason for only a few seconds before his hands were on the front of his boyfriend’s jeans. He popped the button, and pulled down the zipper. “I’m glad we waited,” he said, before he tugged on the denims with both hands. He slowly saw Jason’s maroon boxer shorts come into view. He didn’t ask, or negotiate. He stayed where he was, and lifted both of Jason’s legs up high, to get the jeans off of them one at a time, leaving him in only his boxers. “I like these,” he said, leaning forward and running one finger down the middle of Jason’s chest, just to dip it under the waistband of the boxers, pulling at it playfully. He could already see Jason’s erection coming to life, and that was even more incentive to tease. 

“Now look, you’re overdressed,” Jason said, shuddering under Ryan’s touch. He lifted up on his elbows first to admire the view, and flashed his lover a devilish smile. “I can’t wait to taste you,” he added, then sat up all the way, quickly moving to cross his legs in front of where Ryan seemed to be frozen. His hand went right to the waistband of the joggers, his fingers hooking over the front and tugging at them. With his other hand he reached to caress the cock he’d only had a glimpse of the very first night, when he was showering Ryan. It hadn’t been sexual, the act of getting him clean was one Jason tried to get through quickly. Tonight he was going to admire every glorious inch of Ryan’s cock and make sure to give it his best treatment. “I’ve got to be careful getting these off,” he whispered, letting his roaming hand join the other on Ryan’s waistband and start to peel the next layer away. 

Ryan didn’t resist. He let Jason have his way, taking off his joggers and then his underwear. Before he knew it, he was naked, other than his socks, which belonged to Jason. It left Ryan on his back, and Jason was hovered over his bottom half. It was only a few seconds before he felt Jason’s familiar mouth around his cock. “Uhhhh,” Ryan moaned, his hand reaching and finding Jason’s head of dark hair. “Jaaaay,” he whined, his eyes wide as he stared up at the ceiling. Even though his dick had had no lack of attention over the last six months, it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t done with care or even affection, and Ryan felt the difference. Jason’s tongue felt glorious, and Ryan could already feel himself leaking, even before Jason’s skilled tongue found his slit.

No amount of time could take away Jason’s knowledge of Ryan’s body, the desire to make him moan his name that way. He could feel himself getting harder while he licked and sucked all over Ryan’s cock. There was a running mantra in his head - how much he’d missed everything about Ryan Shuck, the way he felt, the way he looked, the way he smelled and the way he tasted - while he curled his fingers over his lover’s quaking thighs. There was no shortage of ways to make Ryan tremble, and Jason was determined to pull out all the stops. He alternated between barely mouthing at the head of Ryan’s cock and taking him in almost all the way, swirling his tongue all around and swallowing the precum when he had a chance. Jason knew when to run his hand up the insides of Ryan’s legs and hold his hips still, daring to open up and take him in all the way. He pulled his lips tighter around the pulsing flesh in his mouth and waited only a moment before he was back in motion, swallowing Ryan whole. 

Ryan grabbed onto the bed, his fingers curling into the blankets and sheets. His other was on Jason’s head, lost in his hair, as his head went back, his mouth open. He hadn’t been deep-throated for so long, and by no one else but his Jason. He felt his length get swallowed, taken in whole. The ridges and textures of Jason’s mouth - his throat - ran over Ryan’s sensitive mushroom head and shaft, and his body quaked. “Fuuuuuck, Jay,” he whimpered. “Stop. Stop, or I’m going to come.” 

He really didn’t want Jason to stop, but he also didn’t want to come like this. He didn’t want it to be over before their bodies could fully join. Ryan lifted his head, looking down at his boyfriend. “I want you,” he said unapologetically. “Let’s switch around. You’re going to have me coming in your mouth if you keep that up. Which I love!” he rushed to say, one hand going out. “But not this time. Not right now.” 

Slowly, Jason raised his head, letting Ryan’s length go. He looked up, his heart pounding, the taste of Ryan on his tongue so bold. Jason held Ryan’s gaze and licked his lips, swallowing before he sat up and reached for his lover’s hand. “Okay. God, you taste so good.” He pulled at Ryan’s hand, placing it right over his own erection, before he leaned down and kissed him. He pushed against Ryan’s hand and then kissed down Ryan’s jaw and over to his ear. “I’m ready for you, baby. I’m ready to feel your hands on me, I’m so ready.” 

Ryan didn’t resist. He enjoyed feeling Jason’s cock, stroking him up and down. But he was dry. “Do you have anything here?” he asked, as they both slowed down and pulled back to look at each other. Despite their need and desire, practical things still needed to be addressed. 

Ryan sat himself up, leaving them looking at each other on equal terms. “Do you have lube?” Ryan shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Jason almost laughed. “Wow, look at me totally unprepared.” He looked toward the bathroom. “You’ll have to give me a sec. Don’t go anywhere,” he added with a quirk of his eyebrow, backing away from Ryan’s hands. “Ten seconds. You can count them.” He was off the bed and in the bathroom as quickly as he could, almost diving into the cabinet under the sink to grab the bottle of lube that was there that hadn’t even been opened. “Damn,” he cursed under his breath, pulling at the cellophane safety wrap around the top while he hurried back to the bed. 

Ryan was ready when Jason got there. He was already up on his knees, and he patted the bed. “Come on,” he said, as he reached for the lube. “Lay down. Let me spoil you. I’ve missed you so much,” he said, even though they’d both said those same handful of words so many times over the last few days, it didn’t feel fake, forced, or trite. It was honest, and Ryan grinned as Jason handed over the bottle and positioned himself on the bed, on his back, his legs open. 

Ryan worked with the bottle slicking his fingers, before he laid down at Jason’s side. His lips went to his boyfriend’s neck, sucking and kissing as he felt around between Jason’s legs. It didn’t take long for him to find his lover’s opening, and he went slow. Just one little press, a fingertip that poked and prodded, all while keeping tabs on Jason’s breathing and physical reactions. He knew it had been a long time, and they needed to go slow to keep Jason comfortable. 

Jason sucked in a breath and held it, his eyes closed. This was always the hardest part for him, this intensely vulnerable and intimate part of preparing for anal sex, and it seemed extra difficult after such a long absence. He knew despite his effort he’d whimpered, and he didn’t want Ryan to be hurt by that. “It’s been so long,” he mumbled, bringing one arm up to lay over his eyes while he tried to relax. It was Ryan, the only person who Jason knew in his heart would never hurt him. He breathed and when the burn started to subside he nodded, his face still hidden under his arm. “Okay, I’m okay,” he whispered. 

Ryan stopped. He only had one finger partially in, but he felt the need anyway. He kissed Jason’s face, over and over. “I’m right here with you,” he whispered. He took hold of Jason’s earlobe, sucking on it as he pushed his single finger in further. He listened to Jason gasp, and felt his body tense. “I’m right here,” he mumbled again, nuzzling his nose and lips to the shell of Jason’s ear, and then up over that, getting lost in his hair, which smelled fresh and clean and very Jason-like. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Jason’s response was instant, without thought or hesitation. The declaration sank into his soul, and he moved his arm from his eyes to turn and face Ryan. He wanted to see him, and the moment their eyes met, all of the familiar feelings of trust, all the times they’d engaged in this particular act, came over him. “I do.” He let himself be open and vulnerable while Ryan went further, knowing when to gently pull out and then add another finger. They started over again, first with a little discomfort, then with time, feelings of impatience and desire. “It’s been so long, Ry, maybe we should go for one more,” he suggested, his voice tight. 

Ryan already had two fingers inside his lover, and he slowed down. He went from an in-out motion, to scissoring them. Slowly. As he kissed Jason’s neck. “Three? Are you sure? Jay, you know your body, but are you sure?” He pressed his lips over and over to Jason’s skin, then up under his chin, sending Jason’s head back into the pillow. It was hard not to climb on top of him. It was hard not to get between his legs and let their naked dicks reunite. It was hard to keep from bucking his hips over and over, sending his dripping cock into Jason’s thigh, an activity he was failing at. He couldn’t help it. Every connection felt needed - humping or otherwise.

“I don’t know,” Jason admitted. He could feel the restraint pouring off Ryan in waves, and it was hard to get his head focused. “I think I’m just nervous. Seems so weird to say.” He offered Ryan a soft smile when he pulled back to look at him. He stroked his fingers down Ryan’s cheek, loving the feel of the dark whiskers that were longer than scruff. “I know I shouldn’t be. It’s _you._ But my stomach is all funny. It feels like the first time we ever did this, baby.” 

“It is the first time. In a long time.” Ryan pressed a kiss to Jason’s cheek, before he carefully pulled his fingers out. He watched as Jason’s winced, feeling it right along with him. He sat up, and looked down into Jason’s face. “Let’s just see what happens. I bet it will be like riding a bike.” He grinned, and he was happy when he saw a smile slide across Jason’s lips. 

Ryan grabbed the bottle of lube, and slicked his cock - extra slicky - before he moved, and positioned himself between Jason’s legs. He looked down into his dark eyes, not missing the edge of worry. “You and me,” he said, leaning forward so their faces could be closer, “we go back a long way. We’ve done this hundreds of times. There’s no reason to lose your voice now. Tell me, Jay,” he begged. “Tell me if it hurts. If you want me to stop or go faster or ravage you like a wolverine on steroids,” he said with a half chuckle. “Okay?” 

“It will probably be stop, then faster, then wolverine,” Jason said, right as he felt the wet tip of Ryan’s cock pressing against him. “What are you waiting for, Wolfy?” he teased, trying to smile even though what was about to happen was serious. One of his hands went to Ryan’s shoulder, the other to his hip as though Ryan needed any guidance. He was right. It was only the first time after months of being apart. Those months hadn’t changed the way their bodies responded to each other, or the years of knowledge they had filed away about how to do this and do it right. He opened his legs a little wider, and pulled at Ryan’s hip. “Come and get me.” 

Ryan knew that there would be a time for jumping in, for going hard, for quickies and times when rushed desire would override slow connection. But this was not one of those times. There had been a lot of broken trust between the two of them over the last year, and much like their last time in L.A., it felt like this was a moment of helping to heal that. 

He had one hand pressed into the mattress at Jason’s side, his other wrapped around the base of his cock as he guided himself. He pressed his tip to Jason’s opening. These first few seconds - maybe minutes - weren’t going to be pleasant, and he knew it. He made sure to look up and catch Jason’s dark eyes before he pressed forward. He felt his mushroom head pop inside, and the extreme tension that instantly swarmed through Jason’s entire body as he called for Ryan to stop. “I’m stopping,” Ryan said in a rushed whisper. “I’m not moving until you’re ready.” He let his cock go to run his hand up and down the outside of Jason’s thigh, skimming his fingers over his soft leg hair. He let out a long breath of his own. Even though they were waiting for Jason to be ready, Ryan wasn’t without his own battle. His head was swallowed by Jason’s body, and the sensation of that was more than glorious. He had to concentrate to keep himself from moving, from pushing before his boyfriend gave his permission.

All of the teasing from seconds ago was over. Jason’s eyes squeezed shut without permission at the first push, at the sensation he hadn’t felt in so long. It hurt, but Ryan had stopped the instant Jason told him to stop. That was what set his lover apart, that care and concern, and even though there was pain, Jason’s heart encouraged him to keep going, to relax. It didn’t matter how much stretching, or lube they used, it burned in a way that he knew. He kept his mind focused on Ryan, on the unreal fact that it was Ryan with him, straining to hold so carefully still, Ryan who would give his right arm not to hurt Jason. After a few breaths his eyes cracked open to see the expression on Ryan’s face, caught between pleasure and distress, examining every reaction. “Go slow, baby,” he managed, even while he clutched the sheets. 

Ryan kept his cock still as he leaned forward, both hands on the bed. He placed a kiss to Jason’s cheek. “Just breathe, Jay.” He pushed in a little further, and he felt one of Jason’s hands latch onto his back. Ryan kissed him again, and again, every small slide forward, he left a damp peck to his boyfriend’s cheek, under his chin, on his lips. He only pushed till he was half way in, and then he pulled back, before going in again, trying to get his lover’s insides slicked and open enough to go all the way. Ryan’s knees were pressed into the mattress, his attention divided between what his top and lower half were doing.

Jason’s eyes were clamped shut again and he breathed through his mouth as Ryan inched forward. His entire body was hot. He could feel the dampness of sweat forming around his hairline and he licked his lips that were feeling dry. “It’s getting better,” he mumbled, feeling Ryan pull back and then inch forward some more. “A little more,” he added, knowing once they got past this part it would feel so much better. In his mind he skipped forward to what he knew would happen when Ryan was all the way inside him. Jason could remember exactly the way his hips moved at first, the slow, tantalizing strokes that would feel so good. The way Ryan’s weight would feel on his chest and the kisses they would share. He was ready for it to feel better, and he concentrated on relaxing so they could get there. 

It was a few minutes of slow progress, and Ryan did his best to watch for every signal Jason gave him. From the way Jason’s nails dug into his back, or the rate of his gasps and huffs, it was the language between them, and Ryan understood it like he was reading a book. The moment Jason’s head went back, his legs opening a little wider and a moan came from his mouth instead of something strained, Ryan knew they’d just crossed the threshold. 

His lover was on the other side, feeling good. “Now?” Ryan begged, his rhythm still slow, but he was dying to speed it up, to go all the way in and get some real traction between their bodies. He kissed all over Jason’s neck - soft, reassuring kisses that he was ready to turn into licks and bites and sloppy wet splotches. He nuzzled his nose up under Jason’s earlobe, sucking in his scent. 

“Mmm, yes,” Jason moaned, his grip on Ryan’s back letting up a little. His hand drifted down to Ryan’s ass, petting over his skin in slow circles. He turned his head to the side, giving Ryan more room to kiss as his knees came up, his heels bracing into the mattress. The slow strokes sped up a little, and Jason could feel the tension he’d been holding dissipate with each movement they made together. In a few more breaths, the pain would be completely in the past and only the best parts of being together this way would be in front of them. He buried his fingers in Ryan’s hair and coaxed him up so they could kiss.

Jason’s insides shivered as soon as their lips met. Ryan’s lips were wet and warm from the attention he’d been lavishing on Jason’s skin, and he sucked at them greedily, running his tongue along Ryan’s bottom lip and into his mouth. He felt the gentle scrape of Ryan’s beard on his face, and the way his lover leaned into the kiss, and finally let himself slide all the way inside Jason’s body. The moan was long and low in Jason’s throat, his fingers tightening in Ryan’s hair as they finally fully connected. 

Sinking all the way inside was always an amazing feeling, and Ryan didn’t fail to appreciate it. His body shivered the moment he was there, the moment he felt his entire length surrounded and squeezed by Jason’s warm insides. His tongue came out as he licked slowly from Jason’s collarbone, all the way up the side of his neck. He stopped to suckle on Jason’s earlobe for a few seconds, and then he let him go. Ryan was already breathing heavily, sending hot hair over his lover’s ear as he said, “Brace yourself, Jason Akio.” 

Ryan shut his eyes, his full attention going from split between his two halves, to all focus on the act they were about to dive into. Jason’s body was ready - opened up and needy for more - and Ryan was ready to give it to him. His hands and knees were planted, his leverage shifting as he upped his pace. He pushed all the way in and pulled out, more than halfway before going all the way back in. He felt all of Jason’s familiar squirms and moans, which were music to Ryan’s ears. He knew what Jason sounded like when he was on his way to orgasm, and all the right grunts, groans, and hitched breaths were there. 

Ryan’s insides were wound tight as he pumped his hips, as he worked up his rhythm from medium to fast. The longer they went, the more in sync they fell, and that equalled more pleasure on both sides. Ryan’s back was coated in sweat as his left hand curled into the blanket, his balls twisting from the inside out as his orgasm built rapidly. He pushed himself up on Jason, his arm swinging out to try and hook one of Jason’s legs. It was a matter of balance, of getting Jason’s ass up off the bed just a little so Ryan could hit his boyfriend’s prostate. He had a mental map of exactly where it was, it was always just a matter of getting there. 

Jason’s eyes were locked on to Ryan’s face. All traces of pain and uncomfortable pressures were gone. He could feel every glorious inch of Ryan’s cock filling him, moving in and out of him steadily. He relished the long missed feeling of the weight of Ryan’s body against him, rubbing his wet cock between them. The kisses, the nips and sucks and licks they’d been sharing were put on hold, but Jason knew they would be back after they both came. As much as he wanted the feeling of a Ryan-induced orgasm, he was looking forward to the soft kisses, the cuddles and the simple bliss of being together afterwards in total relaxation. 

The tension he felt now was the tight clench in his groin, the pressure of his building orgasm seeking to explode. It hadn’t taken long once Ryan started moving for him to come close to the edge of release, and he knew the days of build up and anticipation, the starting and stopping and holding back, had a lot to do with that. His body was ready. When he felt Ryan’s hand run down his leg he shifted, making it easier for his lover to hold him. “I love you,” he said clearly, knowing what Ryan was after, and it was obvious that this first time together wasn’t going to last much longer. He could see the concentration on Ryan’s face as he worked to give Jason his orgasm first. “Ry, look at me,” he begged, his hands reaching to touch wherever he could. He wanted nothing more than to come with Ryan’s blue eyes watching him. 

The sound of Jason’s voice - of his request - brought Ryan’s eyes open, and they locked squarely on Jason’s. “I love you, too,” Ryan said between pants. It wasn’t just Jason who wasn’t going to last much longer this first time. Ryan was right on the edge. All he had to do was let go, and his orgasm would rush like a stampede of wild horses. But he wanted his boyfriend to get his first, and he could feel it coming. Jason’s was on its way. 

Ryan kept hold of Jason’s leg, tucked up under his arm as he kept pushing and pulling their way to release. They were both on the cusp, and Ryan kept their eye contact as he groped for Jason’s hand, locking their fingers together. He wanted to let go. He wanted to spill everything he had inside of Jason’s waiting, needy body, but he had to hold out. One knee moved a quarter of an inch up on the bed, and it was just enough of an angle change for Ryan to feel the tip of his cock hit the right place inside of his lover. 

It was exciting, and the look on Jason’s face, their eyes never leaving each other, told him he was right where he needed to be. This was it. It was time to get them both over the line, together. The feel of Jason’s hard, wet cock being pressed and rubbed between their stomachs felt so good, and Ryan felt it twitch as he went faster, as natural drive and adrenaline kicked in.

Jason fought against his body’s need to close his eyes when Ryan’s cock pressed against his prostate. Not this time. Not now. “Yes, yes, yes,” he chanted breathlessly, squeezing Ryan’s hand tightly. His focus narrowed to Ryan’s eyes, his blue irises and huge dark pupils drawing him in. The pressure on his insides and friction on the outside was amazing, and his other hand clutched at Ryan’s bicep. He could feel it… right… there. 

Jason’s eyes closed right at the moment Ryan pushed him over the edge, the first pulse of his orgasm too strong to fight through. He forced his eyes back open as his balls released, his cum shooting between them forcefully and spreading in a warm, sticky mess. He was vaguely aware that he was babbling Ryan’s name while his body twitched and trembled, squeezing around Ryan’s cock that wasn’t letting up the pace. He couldn’t get enough of the feeling of being full, of his Ryan making him come so hard, of the intense pleasure that was fading far too quickly. 

There were only seconds between Jason’s orgasm and Ryan’s, the one following the other. It was a tidal wave release. Ryan’s hips shoved hard and directly into Jason’s bottom as his balls emptied in two large gushes. It had been a long six months worth of condoms, and the feeling of an uninhibited release had Ryan whimpering as it happened, and for the seconds afterwards as his body slowly started to come down. 

He let Jason’s leg go, and it fell to the bed like a weight. Ryan’s grip on Jason’s hand lightened up, his neck bent as his sweaty forehead rested against Jason’s shoulder. His weight was on his knees, and his middle as he laid still, his hips finally coming to a rest. He scooped both arms around Jason’s body, as much as he could, like he was worried of being thrown off and tossed away. He felt good - spent - but there was an overwhelmed factor that had set in along with it. Without realizing it, one hand found its way to Jason’s hair - the soft, clean hair he loved - and it was calming. 

One deep breath turned into three before Ryan shook off the consuming feelings, and exhaustion was quick on its heels. “I’m getting too old for this,” he mumbled with a cracked smile before he lifted his head to see Jason’s black eyes. “I mean, you know, I say that now but I know we’ll be doing this again tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow?” Jason questioned sleepily. “You mean later.” His arms were around Ryan’s waist, returning the embrace. He could feel the sweat and the exhaustion as Ryan tried to keep from crushing him. He pressed a kiss to Ryan’s damp temple and smiled. “Yes. Later. After you help me try out the dual shower heads and we get something to eat.”

“That shower of yours is crazy. I’m up for a clean and soapy adventure though. Any adventure with you.” Ryan pressed a quick kiss to Jason’s parted lips before he lifted himself up, his skin feeling sticky as it separated from Jason’s. “We’re all gross,” he chuckled, before he whispered for Jason to hold still. 

It was an unpleasant few seconds as Ryan tried extra hard to be careful pulling out. He winced as Jason did, and then landed on the bed beside him. His heart was still beating fast, his mind turning to food almost just as quickly. Sobriety had reintroduced his appetite, and Ryan’s body was drained, needing more fuel. “After our shower, I vote we order pizza. I don’t want to go back out. Pizza with triple meat and cheese in the crust.” 

Jason looked over, turning on his side to face Ryan. His hand went to Ryan’s hair, pushing it aside, then down his cheek. The post-sex look that was one his boyfriend wore well, and he smiled before he inched over and kissed him again. “We’ll order two pizzas. I’ve got to keep your strength up.” He rested there next to Ryan while they came down, until his internal heat cooled enough for him to feel the chill in the air. “Come on,” he said, carefully sitting up. “Let’s shower before one or both of us fall asleep again.”

He gingerly got his feet on the cold floor, shuddering at the feeling. “Keep your socks on,” he said over his shoulder. “Floor is freezing.” It was tricky to stand up without his insides pulling at him, but he managed, stabilizing himself with a hand to his nightstand. Once he was standing he tested his body out, stretching his arms up over his head and taking a few steps. It was nothing that wouldn’t feel better soon. Jason looked over at Ryan, who was still flat on his back, and grinned. “You were right. You’re not the Big Bad Wolf. You’re a worn out and spent, sweet and cuddly, tamed wolverine. I’m gonna go turn the water on, you better get your sweet ass up.” 

He didn’t wait for Ryan’s response. He was already in the bathroom, collecting towels and getting things ready. The walk-through shower had two shower heads, and he’d never tried it out. He wanted to kiss under the water in the steam and rub together a little, before or after they got clean. He didn’t care. He turned on both taps and looked toward the bathroom door. There was no sign of Ryan. “Wolfy!” he called. “You better not be asleep!” 

“Well I was until you started yelling!” Ryan shouted back with a laugh before he forced himself to sit up. If there wasn’t a shower being offered and then food, he probably would have drifted right into sleep, even with sticky stuff all over his stomach and lower half. 

He ran a hand over his beard, and then his hair. His body was tired in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was a good feeling, knowing his exhaustion was from bringing them both pleasure. He inched his way off the bed and stood up, naked other than the borrowed socks on his feet. “I’m going to have to invest in a pair of househoes,” he decided, before he pulled his socks off and left them on the bed and then he headed into the bathroom. He stopped the moment Jason came into view with his disheveled hair and heavy limbs and eyes. Ryan was up on him in a flash, wrapping him in his arms for a kiss. He slid both hands up and down Jason’s back as the shower ran. “It’s going to get steamy in here,” he teased, kissing from Jason’s lips to his ear. 

“Mmm, that’s the point,” Jason hummed, backing them slowly toward the showers. “You’re so naughty. You were just kissing all over me.” His protest was light and he didn’t mean it at all. He felt the warm water on his back and pulled Ryan in with him, both of them standing together under one stream of water. “This one can be yours. You can set the shower head however you want.” He felt Ryan’s kiss up under his jaw, and it was reflex to lean his head back, letting his hair get wet. “There’s a rainfall setting,” he gasped as Ryan bit lightly at his skin, “and a soft spray. Or you can make it a massage setting. Or hard. Mmmm,” he hummed again as Ryan pulled him close, both hands on his ass. “I have mine set to _hard._ ” 

One hand stayed on Jason’s ass, but Ryan’s other hand went up into his hair. It was fun, running his fingers through Jason’s dark locks while the water mixed in. Jason’s face was wet and Ryan shut his eyes as he kissed the drops of water from his cheeks. “Mine will probably switch with my mood,” he mumbled before he let his boyfriend go, a little reluctantly. He knew if he didn’t stop, they’d never get clean, and they’d never get to eat. It was already way past lunchtime. He cupped the side of Jason’s face and kissed his forehead before he turned around to face the other showerhead. The water that had been hitting his back and ass, was now on his chest. “I might get used to fancy living,” he said with a glance over his shoulder. “I’m a lucky Wolfy to get to have a shower big enough for two.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Jason playfully before he figured he should get to work. 

He adjusted his stream, and turned it up a little warmer to take all the chill out of his bones and muscles. It was going to take awhile to get used to the Seattle weather, and he was happy that when his clothes finally showed up, he had a handful of nice warm sweaters and long sleeved shirts, thanks to Score. He reached for the shampoo, ready to get clean. 

Jason turned around and let the water pound into his back for a bit, stealing glances at Ryan as he did. It was different to share a shower when there was room for two, when they didn’t have to trade spots to get wet or stay warm, and for a second he wished for one shower head. He shook it off though, knowing that the real purpose was to get clean, not to make out. He turned around and took the shampoo to start scrubbing his hair. “Wolfy,” he called over the sound of the showers. “You like that, don’t you?” He watched the shampoo bubbles make a white trail down Ryan’s neck and chest before his boyfriend turned to rinse it out. 

“Like what?” Ryan asked as he ran soap over his beard and then down his neck. “The shampoo? It smells like you,” he teased, his tongue coming out for a split second, but the taste of the warm water made him pull it right back in. “Not that you smell bad,” he continued, only partially thinking about how weird it was to be having a full-on conversation in the shower. “I love it on you, but I’ll be happy to get my own stuff. Got to make sure a scent hound could tell us apart if one of us ever gets lost.” 

“I meant the nickname, silly. But glad you like my shampoo, too.” Jason stuck his head under the water, rinsing out the bubbles. When he was finished, Ryan was already washing his body, and he snagged the body wash and took his turn with it. They didn’t say much else while they got clean, and Jason hoped Ryan didn’t see him wince when he bent to soap up his calves and feet. Even though he’d mentioned tonight as a time for round two, Jason knew it was more practical to wait until the next day. His body needed time to catch up, and he was sure Ryan’s probably needed to recuperate too. 

He turned off his shower after Ryan had already turned his off and grabbed both towels. Jason took the one he was being offered and started with his hair, drying it haphazardly, knowing it was probably sticking up in all directions. He could see the amused smile on Ryan’s face, and stuck his tongue out at him. “Don’t make fun of me. I’ll fix it in a minute.” He dragged the towel over his face and down his neck, and got busy quickly drying the rest of his body before he got cold. 

“Who’s making fun? Not me,” Ryan said with a short snort. “Besides, I like the rumpled look on you. It’s sexy. Makes you look wiiiild,” he said with his hands up, his fingers curled, his towel slung low on his hips. He watched as Jason rolled his eyes, and Ryan admitted defeat. He’d be good and let Jason work on his hair. 

Ryan turned to face the mirror on his side of the vanity as he pulled his towel from his hips. He gave himself another rub down and an extra scrub through his hair before he really looked at himself. His skin was splotchy, his eyes bright and there was a certain amount of happy glow around him. It was the look of post sex - the look of being satisfied and lit up inside. It was a look he only got after being with Jason. 

He looked at his boyfriend in the mirror. Jason was combing his hair, his towel around his waist. Ryan couldn’t help the indulgent grin sliding across his face as he watched, and waited for his turn with the comb. _I don’t think we’ve ever done this before. Been in the bathroom together. Even at the loft, we never did this. There was only one sink there though. Maybe that’s why. That’s not it. I shared that bathroom a hundred times with Chazzy._

It was something he’d never thought about until now, and it brought a wave of regret with it. It was one more example of how out of whack his priorities - his attention - had been when the four of them had lived together for that fatal six months in the tiny L.A. loft. Regret over how he’d treated Jason, and the time lost because of it, hit. Ryan shifted over to stand behind him, his arms wrapping lovingly around Jason’s waist. There was nothing sexual about his action, despite the two of them being in only towels. He kissed Jason’s shoulder, his eyes closed. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life relishing in it being just you and me.” He brought one hand up, cupping the side of Jason’s head and he kissed him there on the opposite side with a heavy sigh. He was damn lucky Jason had cared enough to come find him, and for their broken hearts to get a second chance. He was never going to take his boyfriend for granted again. 

Jason set the comb on the counter, watching Ryan in the mirror. Not even a week ago he’d been alone in the apartment with Blue. Not even a week ago Ryan had been living a dangerous lifestyle without him. If he’d told his therapist that in a week’s time he’d be talking about spending the rest of his life with Ryan, she’d have told him he was crazy. _But here we are. Just me and him. Finally. The way we always dreamed about._

He looked at the contrast of Ryan’s tattooed arms against his skin and smiled. Those arms had always represented strength and security to him, and it was no different now. Jason twisted in the loose embrace and put his arms around Ryan’s neck. “I love you. We’ve got so much to look forward to.” Their lips met softly, a seal on the promise of looking forward, of being alone, of making a life together. 

They stood together for another quiet moment when it broke, until Jason pecked another kiss to Ryan’s cheek and backed away. “I’m going to get dressed, and order you that pizza. I’ll meet you downstairs.” He loved the look on Ryan’s face when he nodded and picked up the comb to fix his hair. “Extra sausage for you,” he called over his shoulder as he disappeared into the closet. He glanced over the empty space, the space that a week ago had been so lonely, and smiled. In just a few days, it would be packed with Ryan’s stuff, and they would squabble over shoes left out and Ryan’s clothes invading his space, and Jason couldn’t wait. 

****  
TBC


	25. The Other Side

Friday morning came quickly, and Chester was up early. There was so much to do before they could leave for Seattle. He stood in the kitchen, two fingers on his bottom lip as he pulled at his piercing, looking around. He’d packed a container full of banana nut muffins, and another one with homemade granola bars. Even though granola bars were easy to find pre-made in the stores, they couldn’t hold a flame to Chester’s, which were full of fresh ingredients and baked with care. He had a container of Cheese’s favorite homemade treats too. She liked the ones with chicken and peas the best, and Chester had made a big batch the night before so she’d have plenty for the whole time they were away. 

He twisted, his attention leaving the stack of see-through tupperware containers to the cooler. It was packed with ice, cans of soda, and sandwiches. He took the step over to it, flipping the lid back so he could see inside. He counted four sandwiches - two ham and cheese and two turkey and cheese. Each one was individually wrapped, and should last for the next six hours. 

“Hmmmm,” Chester hummed. He’d already made them breakfast, but he knew they would probably break into the other snacks on the way out of town. If they could hold off on the sandwiches till lunch, then that would be covered. _We can stop and get a good dinner tonight, but muffins and sandwiches will be okay till then. It’s better than most fast food options. And cheaper._

He shut the cooler, before twisting around. There were two other containers by the stove. One was full of the chocolate chip pecan cookies Mike had asked for, since all the Snickerdoodles were gone. And the other was full of chocolate chip M&M cookies. Ryan’s favorite. _He never showed up for the last ones I made. I’m going to get to hand him these._

Chester smiled. Even though his friend was hundreds of miles away, Chester was overjoyed that Ryan was no longer hanging around with Rob. No longer spending his days drinking. No longer shrugging life off, and that included his friendship with Chester. He was pretty sure that since Ryan’s departure to Seattle, they’d talked more than they had in the last six months. Even though their daily conversations weren’t extremely long, they were packed full of a healthy back and forth. 

_I just hope it lasts. He’s so happy, and I know that’s because of Jason. Jay seems happy, too. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like he is now._ The memory of his texts and short conversations over the last week came to mind. The snooty asshole Jason had been while they lived together in the loft was nowhere to be seen. The Jason Chester communicated with now was Ryan’s Jason. The sweet man with a kind heart who worked hard and loved Ryan Shuck endlessly. It was reassuring to Chester, and he was banking on that dynamic lasting. _Ry talks like he’s there forever. Like Seattle is his home now. He has no plans of coming back here. Ever. It’s like they’d just decided they’re together forever. Even after everything that happened._

Chester looked out of the kitchen into the living room. Their suitcases were already by the front door, along with all of Cheese’s stuff. The little terrier had followed them around the apartment all morning, whining and worried when her bed and toys were packed up. They’d tried to explain it to her, that she was coming along with them, but they were pretty sure she didn’t quite understand. When Mike strapped her into her harness a few minutes ago to take her out one last time before they all piled into the car, she was nervous. She’d refused to go out the door on her own, and Mike had to pick her up and carry her. _She’ll be okay after we get going. She likes riding in the car._

His shoulders slumped a little as he opened one of the lower cabinets and pulled out a brown paper shopping bag. He put the cookies in first, before the muffins and the granola bars. _Ryan says they’re really back together. Like, all the way. He doesn’t have any doubts. At all. He completely trusts Jason. And Jason is definitely better. I see it, too, but still. I can’t do that._

It was a little disheartening, and Chester was still trying to sort out how he felt about the whole thing. _Does that mean Ry loves Jay more than I love Mike?_ It was a hard question, and one he’d been struggling with ever since Ryan told him he was staying in Seattle for good. When he saw Jason sitting shirtless in bed next to Ryan, like they’d been together for years. _I guess they have been together for years. If you don’t count the last six months._

He hadn’t figured out how to put words to what he was feeling yet, not for his therapist, and not for his journal. He knew he loved Mike more than he’d ever loved anyone, but there was still a part of him that was having trouble trusting him. It was the reason he couldn’t say yes when Mike asked him to move in for real, to give up his apartment at Amir’s. It was the reason there were still tender subjects between them. It was the reason Mike still showed up in his nightmares sometimes. 

Chester’s hand drifted to the side of his head. He hated that his lover had become the villain on occasions, taunting him and calling him names in his dreams. No matter how many times Mark would show up and say horrible, demoralizing things, it always hurt worse when it came from Mike. _I know it’s not really him. It’s just my stupid brain making things up. I hope it stops. What if it doesn’t? What if he’s just always there, being mean to me?_

Chester wiped the back of his hand across his eye and took a deep breath. They were getting ready to leave, getting ready to climb into the car for a seventeen hour drive together. This wasn’t the time to try and dissect anything. _Dream Mike isn’t real Mike. Not anymore. He’s been so much better. Everything’s been so much better. We’re better. I’m better. So why can’t I trust him all the way like Ry? What’s wrong with me?_

He wasn’t sure if there was an answer to that as he picked up the brown bag and the cooler and took them both over to the front door, stacking them with the rest of their luggage. _I just need more time. It’s only been six months. I need more time. We need more time._ It was something he’d told himself many times since he and Mike had decided to try again, and Chester still believed it. He wasn’t going to rush himself, not for Mike or for anyone. He was going to go through the relationship on his timetable, as he felt safe, and he was resolutely going to stick to that plan, even when it hurt Mike’s feelings. _I know I have. When I told him no to moving in this last time, I know it hurt him. I didn’t say no to hurt him. I’m just not ready yet._

He let out a long breath, and decided that was the last he was going to think about it. Instead he turned his thoughts to the drive in front of them, to seeing Ryan and what that might be like. He wanted to pull Ryan into his arms, and hug him tightly. He wanted to touch his face, and look into his eyes - eyes that had come back to life. He was ready for all of it. _And then me and Mike can hide away in the cabin for a few days, just us. It’s going to be great._

His heart lifted at the thought, and with that Chester spun around and headed for the bedroom. He’d packed everything but his favorite hoodie, and he wanted it for the drive. The farther north they went, the colder it was going to get. He wanted his black hoodie, the one with the pink checkers going down the arms. And besides, he needed to double check his closet, make sure he hadn’t missed anything for their trip. 

Mike opened the door to the apartment and set Cheese down on the carpet. “Try to stay out of trouble, I’m not unhooking you,” he told the terrier, who slunk away from him and watched from the safety of the space between the coffee table and the couch. He looked at the pile of stuff that needed to go into the car - Ryan’s car - and quickly decided that more than one trip down would need to be made. “Ches! If you’ll give me the keys, I’ll start taking stuff to the car. Cheese can stay up here with you until we’re ready. She’s mad at me.”

He glanced over at Cheese. “I know you are. I didn’t do anything to you,” he mumbled. 

Chester stepped into the living room, his hoodie on. “I’m ready.” He looked around the couch to see Cheese watching them both, her harness still on. “Why is she mad at you? What did Sexy Boy do, Cheesy Girl?” he asked, his voice going up an octave as he rounded the couch and sat down next to her. She was up on her hindlegs immediately, pawing at Chester’s jeans. He scrubbed his fingers gently over her back and neck. “Was he being a meanie? Mean daddy. I know he is,” he teased with an ornery glance Mike’s way. 

“She didn’t want to go outside and I told her that she _had_ to go, but she didn’t want to. I wasn’t being mean, I just told her what was up,” Mike insisted. He watched the way Cheese was all up on Chester, like he actually had been mean, and he sighed. “She’ll be fine in a minute. She’s already forgotten, now that you’ve come to the rescue.” He pointed at the stuff by the door. “I guess put this in whatever space is left?”

Chester scooped Cheese up into his arms before he stepped around the coffee table to be in front of Mike. He carefully moved Mike’s bangs from his eyes before he leaned in and gave him a kiss. He couldn’t help but giggle as Cheese jumped in his arms and licked their chins. “I like to be the hero, when I can be,” Chester whispered as they separated. “And yeah. Let’s get everything down to the car and get out of here. I’m ready to get going. See?” he asked as he stepped back and stretched his free arm out to the side. “Got my hoodie on. I’m ready for the rain and snow.” He twisted his lips in thought as he looked up. “I hope it doesn’t mess up my hair.” 

The little huff Mike had been in over Cheese’s attitude was gone. “You look great. And just put your hood up, and the rain or snow or whatever won’t touch it. I’m ready, too. Though the fact you won’t let me go to the car by myself makes me wonder if there’s any room for me and Cheese at all.” He gave Chester another quick kiss and then petted Cheese with one finger. “I guess let’s get some of this down there. I know you’re just being protective of Ryan’s car.” He stepped back and bent over to grab two suitcases. 

“He loves that car,” Chester said as he grabbed his leopard print backpack and slung it over his shoulder. He carefully set Cheese down, and promised her they would be right back before picking up the paper grocery bag with the snacks in it, the cooler, and one of the other suitcases. “Which I understand,” he continued without skipping a beat. “If someone else was driving my _red love_ up the coast, I’d be nervous about it, too. Not that Ry’s nervous,” he stated as they stepped out in the sunshine, and Chester closed the door behind them, shooing Cheese back with one sneaker-clad foot. “But he’s mentioned it a few times. To be careful, and if I’m sure you’re okay behind the wheel of his Lotus Beauty.” Chester smirked when Mike gave him the eye over the shoulder before they headed down the stairs. “And I came right to your defense. Told him you’re an excellent driver.” 

“I am,” Mike insisted in a huff as he wrangled the two large suitcases that were Chester’s. He had to figure that he’d be even more careful with Ryan’s car than Chester would be on the long drive. _No need to give him anything else to hate me for. Damn, I’m glad I don’t have to make this trip with him again. That was the most uncomfortable car ride ever._ Mike could remember almost every word he and Ryan spoke to each other on the way to Seattle months ago. Even though Ryan had made the trip for Chester, Mike still didn’t really understand why he’d been willing to suffer a thirty-five hour round trip weekend drive with someone he despised so much. _Oh well. It’s in the past now. And he can’t hate me as much anymore. Things with Ches are so much better. That’s all he wanted from me._

Mike cut his eyes over to Chester. Despite heading off to weather he didn’t like, Chester was in a good mood. He looked like he didn’t have a care in the world as he bounced over to the car, his backpack bouncing with him. Mike couldn’t help but smile at just how gorgeous Chester looked in the early morning L.A. sunshine. It was a good thing his school was in sunny Southern California, and not some dreary northwestern state… like it almost had been. He shivered and shoved that thought away quickly. “Okay, I’ll let you put things wherever they’ll fit. Make sure we can reach Cheese from the front,” he fussed as he hovered next to the Lotus.

Chester shoved his sunglasses on, hiding from the bright blare coming down on them. He unlocked the silver Lotus and opened the door before he looked over at Mike and smiled. His boyfriend’s shaggy hair was all over the place in the soft breeze, leaving him looking adorably frustrated. “I’ll organize all this. Go grab what’s left and Cheese, and we’ll get going. Her Cheese bag is all ready to go.” 

“Okay.” Mike looked toward the building and back at the car, which didn’t look like it had any space left at all. “I’ll be back with this moody dog in a minute.” He took off, back across the courtyard. He was ready to get going. He knew Chester had made cookies, and he wasn’t allowed to touch any of them until they were on the road. _So that means as soon as we pull out of the parking lot, I’m getting a cookie. He can’t tell me no. It’s a loophole._ Mike grinned to himself as he took the stairs two at a time.

Cheese was right inside the door, waiting. All of the earlier drama seemed to be forgotten when she saw him, wagging her tail excitedly, as though he’d been gone for a long time. “Okay, pupper, it’s time to go. You wanna go in the car?” He laughed as Cheese started to turn in excited circles. “You like the car, don’t you? I know you do.” He picked up the cheese-printed bag that was stuffed with all of Cheese’s things. “You have special trip treats, too. I bet Ches will let you have whatever you want.” 

He grabbed the end of the leash and led Cheese out onto the landing, and she went willingly this time. “Yeah, you’re looking for Ches, aren’t you?” He shook his head at the dog, who was sniffing around, and turned to lock up the door. “It’s gonna be a long drive, Cheese. We’ll stay in a hotel tonight, but then after that we’re going to stay in a cabin. It’s going to be great. You’ll love it,” he said conversationally, as though the puppy could respond to him. He scooped her up in his arms and she licked at his face. “Okay, enough,” he giggled, trotting down the stairs. He was back outside the Lotus in another minute, and to Chester’s credit, he had everything inside the car. 

Mike peeked inside and his eyebrows lifted. “It looks like a damn jigsaw puzzle in there, Ches.”

Chester slid into the driver’s seat. “It’s not my fault. Ry’s got a lot of shit,” he said playfully. “Come on, Sexy Boy, I want to go. Cheese’s bed is right there, for her.” He twisted and pointed to the back seat where the pink zebra bed was nestled securely, right in the middle between the bag of snacks, the cooler, and a suitcase. There was space on the floor for Cheese’s bag, so she’d be close to her stuff. “Unless you think we should put her in the travel carrier we got her?” He looked across the car and out the passenger side window at Mike. 

“We can try it like this. There’s nowhere for her to go, so maybe she’ll just lay down and stay put.” Mike looked at Cheese and set her down in the passenger seat while he put her bag down. “Okay, Cheese!” he said, all excited. “Here’s your bed! Let’s get in the bed!” He picked her up and put her over into the bed, and then picked up the bag and put it on the floor. Together he and Chester watched while Cheese sniffed around her bed and pawed at it with a whine. Mike looked over at Chester and then back at Cheese. “Come on, lay down.” He turned in his seat and reached out to pet her head. “We can’t go until you lay down.”

It took another minute of sniffing before Cheese lay down facing the front of the car. Mike praised her and then looked at Chester again. “Look, she looks pitiful. She doesn’t realize how much fun this is going to be.” 

“It probably won’t be fun until tomorrow when we’re at the cabin,” Chester commented as he started the car. It purred to life, and a smile slid across Chester’s face. It was Ryan’s car, but he could still appreciate the craftsmanship of the automobile they were about to spend a lot of time in. That thought was followed by another, the reality that after tomorrow, after they dropped the car and all its belongings off at Jason’s, it would probably be a really long time before Chester got to see the inside of the Lotus again.

_It sucks Ry’s going to be so far away. We’ve been so close for the last handful of years. I know it’s for the best though._ He took a deep breath and backed out of his parking spot. He wasn’t going to miss the campus or their tiny apartment at all. They were off for an adventure, and Chester was ready for it. For the first time in a long while, Ryan had asked him for a favor, and Chester was determined to see it through to the very best of his ability. 

It didn’t take long, and they were on the interstate, zooming north. Mike already had the cookies out, as they talked about the traffic and the difference between L.A. and some of the bigger cities they’d be passing by, like San Francisco and Portland. Chester could see Cheese in his rearview mirror if he lifted himself up enough in his seat, and he was happy when the puppy finally fell asleep. He was hoping she would stay that away until their first stop, which wouldn’t be until they were far outside of L.A. and well on their way. 

The sun was bright, and by the time they got out of the city limits, the traffic thinned, too. It would be smooth sailing till they hit the next collection of exit and on ramps. Chester was just about to ask for a cookie, when his phone rang. “It’s Ry,” he said, looking down at his phone. Before Mike could say anything, Chester let it go to BlueTooth, and Ryan’s voice came through the car speakers. “We’re already on the road, so stop worrying,” Chester chuckled as he drove.

“I’m not worrying. Yet. I know you’re a good driver, Chazzy. How’s my baby? Did you manage to get everything in?” 

“Please,” Chester snorted with an eye roll. “Like there was _ever_ the chance that I wouldn’t. Plus I’ve got Mike and Cheese with me, so yeah, points to Chester.” 

“That is an accomplishment,” Ryan laughed from the other end. “We’re excited for you to get here. Well, we’re excited for my stuff to get here. Our closet is so empty looking. It’s sad. You’ll die when you see it. It’s like a cave at the moment.” 

“I’m always up for looking at closests,” Chester offered quickly. “And we won’t be there till tomorrow. Probably noon-ish.” 

“We know. We’re going to be ready for you,” Ryan offered. “We’re going out to dinner tonight, but we’ll be here all day tomorrow so we won’t miss you.” 

“You act like we’re not going to talk another five times before I get there,” Chester teased. “I’m sure you won’t miss us.” 

Mike sat silently in the passenger seat, eating the last cookie - for now. Contributing to the conversation wasn’t necessary, so he listened. Ryan sounded happy, which was good, and Mike didn’t begrudge him that at all. He rolled his eyes at the mention of the closet, and it was then that he knew dropping off Ryan’s stuff wasn’t going to be a simple in and out. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was already dreading seeing Jason. He really hoped that only Ryan and Chester would be moving things into Jason’s place, even though he knew he _should_ help, since Ryan had helped him move his things _out_ of Jason’s.

_How stupid all of this is. If Jason and I had done the right thing, Ryan’s stuff would have gone to Seattle with him and not mine. We could have avoided two trips. Two!_ He sighed and tried not to think about that. Mike listened to Ryan and Chester ramble on, and in the course of the conversation, it occurred to him that Ryan was saying _we_ and _us_ and _our_ an awful lot. It was only a short leap from that realization to wondering how that had come about so quickly. Ryan was talking as though he and Jason had been the ones to get back together six months ago, not the couple who had split up and not talked at all until a few days ago. 

Mike looked over at Chester, but he was absorbed in the conversation. _It’s literally every sentence. Does Ches not hear that? I wonder if that’s come up in conversation. They’re just… fine. Living together and everything is fine. Ches and I aren’t even living together. I mean, we are, but not really. He’s still holding on to Amir’s place, like he might need it again._ He frowned and decided to get another cookie.

He turned around and reached for the bag, trying not to disturb Cheese, who looked adorable passed out in the back. _We have a dog together. Doesn’t he trust me yet? Ryan seems to be able to forgive Jason so quickly. Does this mean Ches won’t ever forgive me? I screwed up so badly that we’ll never live together again, or move on past the affair?_ The cookie tasted dry in his mouth as the word _affair_ skidded across his mind. _So stupid, Mike. You could have lost everything. Ches, and Cheese. I would have ended up miserable with Jason. He’s not Chester. He’s not my cheeseburger._

A few minutes later the call ended, and Chester looked over. His smile faded a little. Mike was staring out the window, a concerned look on his face, like he was worried over something. “Sorry we talked so long. You know how it is, we get going about closets and cars and we get lost.” Chester pulled his piercing in as he glanced from Mike to the road. All in all the call was under five minutes. Short by comparison to how long they usually talked. 

“You’re fine, Ches,” Mike responded, looking over and giving him a half smile. “Everything sounds like it’s going well.” He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to get into a heavy conversation at the moment. There was a lot of drive left, but he knew it would nag at him the whole time they were on the road if he didn’t mention something. He decided to test out the waters. “Lots of _we_ and _us_ in that conversation.”

“What do you mean?” Chester asked as he tried to remember what was just said, and how that applied to him and Mike. 

Mike shifted in his seat, running his hand over his hair. “The way Ryan was talking. About him and Jason. It was all like everything was just fine.”

Chester shrugged, keeping both hands on the wheel. “It is just fine. They’re good. We wouldn’t be taking Ryan all his stuff if they weren’t. It’s nothing to worry about,” he tried to encourage.

“I’m not worried about them,” Mike said, surprising himself. “I just… it’s so fast. The moving in and all.” He looked down at his hands. He was well aware that he had no business commenting on moving in quickly with someone, or the state of Ryan and Jason’s relationship. But he couldn’t help the little bit of jealousy he was feeling. Every time he mentioned moving in permanently with Chester, he was met with resistance. 

Chester glanced over, just long enough to see Mike staring down at his lap. It was hard to tell exactly what Mike was upset about. As far as he knew, Mike didn’t have a lot of concern over how quickly Ryan did anything. “It’s not fast. Not for them.” He looked back out at the traffic as Ryan’s words over the last few days filtered through his mind. “When Ry first got there, he tried everything to leave, you know? But after he got that shit out of his system and he was thinking straight again, Jay told him he wanted him to stay. For good. And so he is. They both know it’s right, and they’re both very sure about it. And if they’re sure, I trust that.” He tightened his hands on the wheel for a few seconds before he added, “Before things went crazy at the loft, they had always dreamed of being together like this, and now they get to be. It’s a good thing.”

Mike pressed his lips together. He didn’t want to talk about the loft. “Like I said, it’s not really about them. I just noticed how comfortable he was talking about them together, the moving in… I’m just wishing that’s where we were right now.” He looked over again, but Chester was concentrating on the road. “I understand why, and I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I guess I was just feeling like we were doing good, you know? And then they’re just instantly back together.” He tried not to sound bitter, but he wasn’t sure he was succeeding. 

“We are doing good,” Chester assured him. He really didn’t want to get into the reasons why he was still living at Amir’s part time, but it was clear they needed to talk about it a little. At least in contrast to Ryan and Jason. Chester kept one hand on the wheel, but the other he stretched out and squeezed Mike’s knee quickly. “Their relationship isn’t like ours, Mike. It never has been. For 95% of their time together, they were both with other people, you know? Jay was still married to Mark, and Ry was working...in the business,” he said, tactfully. “They were used to sharing each other. For years. You and me, our relationship’s never been like that.” He hoped his words were making sense. 

Mike thought that over for a minute. It didn’t help him any. If anything, his relationship with Chester should be stronger. They’d never been that way, having to share, _Until I fucked it up._ He sighed, and reached for Chester’s hand. “I don’t want to be like them,” he said first, to get that out of the way. “I was just thinking they were all in, already, and us… you’re right. Things are good. And I’m grateful. But it’s not like that yet.” He didn’t want to say that Jason had done exactly what he had, and yet all was forgiven. Mike knew that Chester knew exactly what he had done. “I’m just looking forward to the day when you tell me yes.”

“I know you are,” Chester agreed quietly. It was ironic, that he had been thinking about this very subject just a few hours ago in the kitchen. _Because we’re connected. Our minds are on the same wavelength._ “I’m not holding off on moving in because I don’t love you. Mike, you know that’s not it. I just need a little more time.” He was hoping he wasn’t going to have to explain why. 

“I only want you with me when you know one hundred percent that you’re ready. I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” Mike emphasized again. “I was just surprised by him, that’s all. And my thoughts got away from me. You know how I used to be like that, well, all the time.” Mike shot Chester an apologetic smile. “I try not to do that anymore.” 

Chester smiled back. “I know,” he said with a nod. “Things have been so much better. We’re back to being a good team. And now we’re a trio,” he added, hiking his thumb over his shoulder quickly. “I guess I can see where it would seem odd Ry and Jay would scoot right back into being together forever.” He shook his head as he thought. “They’ve been there for each other at their worst moments. Jay, all those years he was under Mark’s dictatorship - worse than we ever saw. But Ryan did. Ryan picked him up and got him through all that. And when Ryan needed to be saved, Jason came and got him. Believe it or not, this wasn’t the first time Jason’s stepped in to save Ry from himself, and I know Ry’s talked Jay back from the edge a handful of times. They’re good for each other and they know it.” 

Mike knew he didn’t want to go down that road. He didn’t need to hear about Mark and Jason or any of the things he and Ryan had been through. All it did was make him feel worse for what they had done. He hated thinking about it and being reminded, and even more so after Ryan went off the deep end into drugs. Mike knew he was partially to blame and that was enough to think about. “Well, it’s good they’re back together, then,” he said simply, before he squeezed Chester’s hand again. “We do make a good trio. Our dog even knows who the softie is already.” He grinned Chester’s way. 

Chester pulled his hand away to point at his chest. “Me? You’re saying _I’m_ the soft one? Pfft,” he refuted, before his hands were back on the wheel. “No way, Sexy Boy. You’re the soft one.”

“Nope.” Mike twisted around to look at Cheese, but she was still passed out. “I promise if she could talk, she’d say it was you. Protecting her from the big meanie you said I was earlier.” He suddenly wanted to cuddle her so much, but he was not going to wake up a sleeping dog. “You’re the one who bakes for her. I think that means you spoil her the most.” 

“I bake for you, too. So what does that mean?” Chester asked, his eyebrow raising from behind his sunglasses. “I guess that makes you both spoiled. I’m such an enabler.” 

“Don’t say that,” Mike decided immediately. “If you didn’t bake, then I would have to bake, and that would _not_ be good. You don’t want my baked goods.” He stopped, perplexed. “Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever baked anything.” 

Chester laughed as he looked over at the look on his lover’s face - his hair in his eyes and his lips twisted in thought. He was adorable. “It’s okay, Sexy Boy, you don’t have to bake. I’ll always bake. And you can draw all the cute pictures. I’ve seen you doodling little pictures of Cheese. You should paint one of her sometime. We’ll hang it up. Then she’ll _really_ be spoiled rotten. Queen of our apartment.”

“I’ll do that. She’s fun to doodle. I’ll need some new paint colors if I’m going to pull her off,” Mike thought aloud. He was already thinking of the arsenal of paint he had, and what he would need to complete that project. It was nice that Chester suggested painting, even when he hated the smell of paint in the small apartment. _Our apartment._ Mike looked over and smiled. They didn’t have to be like anyone else. They were just fine the way they were. Mike and Chester. _And Cheese._ He looked at the clock, and then out the windshield. “You let me know when you’re ready for me to drive, okay?” He leaned his head back on the headrest to keep tabs on Chester’s driving. 

“I’m good for awhile,” Chester answered as he went to mess with the stereo. “I’ll find us some soft music to listen to. And when we get home, we can go paint shopping. We’ll get all the Cheesy colors.” 

****

Mike stepped out of the Lotus with Cheese in his arms and looked at the front of the Seattle apartment building. He hoped his anxiety wasn’t showing the last few miles, when he held Cheese in his lap and watched the navigation system direct Chester’s turns. They had chatted off and on during the drive, both of them surprisingly well rested after the night in the hotel. Cheese had whined until Mike scooped her up last night and put her on the bed, where she’d promptly settled down behind his knees and gone to sleep. It hadn’t mattered much to Mike. He’d already been curled behind Chester, holding him close, and the three of them slept in pretty much the same position all night.

Now he was faced with the prospect of walking into Jason’s apartment building, and it wasn’t a pleasant one. Thankfully it wasn’t raining at the moment, and Mike was grateful it was one less thing to worry about. He hoped that meant Ryan’s stuff could get inside quickly, and then they would be on their way to the cabin. Mike kept Cheese under his arm and walked around the car to take Chester’s hand. “Let’s go.” He squared his shoulders and led the three of them inside the building.

As soon as they were in the lobby, Mike put Cheese down, keeping her leash short and the dog by his side. It was obvious that the building was upscale from the outside, so Mike wasn’t surprised when they walked inside. It was quiet except for the sound of the fountain that bubbled gently in the middle of the circular foyer. Everything was polished and clean, from the dark concrete floors to the bright white walls and black marble accents. There was well tended greenery all over the generously sized room, where two hallways lead off either side of the main entrance and then one short one, straight ahead, led to the elevators. 

Mike looked down at Cheese, who was sniffing the unfamiliar air, and then over at Chester. “Well, this is as far as I go. Cheese and I will stay down here.” He leaned close and kissed his boyfriend’s cheek. “Love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Chester replied. He looked around, and spotted a padded bench. “At least you guys can sit down, if you want.” He nodded toward the seat, and then with one of Ryan’s roller suitcases in hand, he headed for the elevator. He heard Cheese whine behind him, but he didn’t turn around. He knew that would make it worse. 

Mike watched Chester walk away, and sat down on the edge of the fountain. He was ready to be finished with all of this. He knew it was important for Chester to see Ryan, to know for himself in person that his friend was better. It would be a good sense of closure for Chester, and then Ryan would be in Seattle. As much as Mike had tried in the past months to be supportive of Chester’s friendship with Ryan, he had to admit that the other man being at least a four hour plane ride away brought a certain sense of relief with it. _Like Ches said, Jay and Ryan get their chance to really be alone… and so will we._

Chester rode the elevator up, memories of the loft coming to mind. _Of course this place is way fancier than our little loft._ His thoughts stopped as the doors opened, and Chester wheeled the suitcase down the hallway, counting off the numbers on the apartment doors in his head until he got to Jason’s door. _Ryan and Jay’s door. This is Ry’s home now, too._

He took a deep breath before he knocked, and then quickly situated himself. He ran his hand over his hair, and tugged on the front of his hoodie. He glanced over his jeans and shoes, before he pulled the keys to the Lotus out. He was ready to hand them over and hug Ryan. _If he answers the door. It might be Jay. He said they’re both here._ He sucked his piercing in as he waited, looking up and down the quiet hallway. The white marble floors were so bright, it almost hurt to look at them. 

Inside the apartment, Ryan rushed from the kitchen, leaving his cup of coffee behind on the bar. He fanned his hand over his slicked back hair, and adjusted his gold necklace as he headed for the door. The thought of seeing Chester - and all his clothes he was really starting to miss - was exciting, and it put a skip in his step. “Jay!” he hollered up the stairs, “they’re here!” He tugged at the black t-shirt he had on and patted down his joggers, before he opened the door. 

It was instant. The moment he saw Chester’s face, Ryan had him in his arms. “Chazzy!” He gasped all at once as he pulled Chester into him, both of them laughing a little. 

Chester’s arms were around Ryan, his eyes closed for the few seconds they were pressed together. “You must have your strength back. I can’t breathe!” he whined playfully. 

Ryan let him go as he stepped back, and they made eye contact. “Sorry. I’m just so happy to see you.” 

“It’s nice to be seen,” Cheser answered with a wide smile. They hadn’t even gotten in the door yet, but Chester recognized the light and life behind Ryan’s blue eyes, and it made his heart settle. “Look at you,” he said, his fingers drifting up to Ryan’s scruff, that was much more beard-like at the moment. 

Ryan cupped Chester’s hand, pulling it away and kissing it before he stepped to the side and motioned for him to come in. “I know. I’m waiting for my clippers,” he said, pointing to the suitcase Chester wheeled in behind him. 

“Don’t worry. Me and Talinda went through the bathroom together. I got all your stuff. Fuck me, look at this place,” he mumbled next as he left the suitcase by the door and handed Ryan over the keys to the Lotus. “I brought her back to you in one piece,” he said with a smirk before he followed Ryan into the apartment. It was a lot to take in. The gray suede couch, the massive windows and the gas fireplace, that was burning with soft orange flames. The cityscape caught his attention. “This place is a ten.” 

“We like it,” Ryan answered as they walked side by side. “What can I say? My boyfriend has great taste.”

“Yeah he does,” Chester agreed as he looked out the windows - at the rows of buildings and traffic. “It’s kinda like the view at Score.” 

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed before he directed Chester towards the kitchen. He glanced up as they went, hoping Jason would join them soon. He wanted to see the two of them together, at least for a few minutes before Chester would have to leave. 

Jason slid his phone into the pocket of his jeans as he started down the stairs. He was excited for Ryan to get his things, and they had an evening of closet and dresser organization ahead of them. Looking around, he wondered where Blue had gotten off to when Chester knocked on the door. He didn’t see the cat, but he saw Chester and Ryan together at the bar, and the happiness on Ryan’s face. Mike was nowhere to be seen, and that was perfectly fine. Jason couldn’t help but smile. “Hey, Chaz,” he greeted, stopping next to Ryan and sliding an arm around his back. “How was the drive?”

It was still a small shock to see Jason looking so relaxed, not just in what he had on, but the look on his face, the posture in his shoulders. For years Chester had seen Jason walk around YRS, always looking over his shoulder. Always a little jumpy. Always very straight and put together. Rigid, even. He’d seen Jason tense and freeze more times than he could count. 

But the Jason in front of him now was the opposite of all of that. He looked like a new man, and it was reassuring to Chester. “It was good,” he answered with a smile. “Long, of course, but good. Every time we stopped, Cheese was the first one ready to jump out. I think she’s going to be really happy when we get to the cabin later and she can stay out of the car for awhile.” 

“Oh,” Ryan said suddenly as he looked around. “You need to see Blue before you have to go. She was right here a minute ago.” He scanned the living room, but the Siamese kitten was nowhere. “She runs anytime someone comes to the door.” 

“She’ll come out when she’s ready,” Jason said lightly. It was ingrained in his personality to be a good host, even though he knew that Mike was somewhere, if not downstairs, in the car. Offering a drink would hold Chester up, but he couldn’t ignore the compulsion. “Chaz, do you want something to drink? We’ve got pretty much anything cold, or I can make some coffee. Or tea.” He squeezed Ryan’s side and stepped toward the kitchen.

Chester shook his head. “No thanks, Jay. I’m good.” If Mike wasn’t downstairs waiting on him, he would have liked to say yes, to accept a cup of coffee and sit with Ryan for an hour or two, to talk face to face and in person. But he knew he couldn’t do that. If he ever got that chance, it would be down the road. Maybe one day when he was in the area for work, or if Ryan came down to L.A. for some reason. Or maybe, just maybe one day when things weren’t so awkward with the four of them, and they could all sit together and share a meal or cups of coffee. 

Chester turned his attention to Ryan, pushing his thoughts to the back for now. “So show me this closet I’ve heard so much about before I have to go.” 

“Yes,” Ryan stated immediately. He stepped over to Jason and pecked a soft kiss to his cheek. “Are you coming along for the tour?” he asked, ready to head up to the bedroom, and the empty closet he was so excited to help fill up.

It was tempting to follow, but Jason knew Ryan had a small amount of time with Chester. “You guys go on up. I think I am going to make some coffee, Ry, if you want some.”

“I’ll take a refill,” he said, pointing to his abandoned coffee cup on the bar. “Come on, Chazzy.” He headed right up the stairs, with Chester following him. He had no issue taking Chester into his and Jason’s bedroom. He knew the bed was made, and everything was tucked away in its place. The door was open as he stepped in. “So this is where I usually call you from. I was in this room for three days straight. I think,” he amended with a tilt of his head while he stared at the fluffy white blanket on the bed. 

Chester looked around. He recognized the pillows and the slate gray headboard, which _was_ built into the wall. _I knew it._ “It’s nice,” he commented as he followed Ryan around the room. His eyes caught sight of the paperback novel sitting next to the armchair. He stopped and picked it up. “What is with you two and this book?” he asked, waving the copy of _Twilight_ around. “There was one at Talinda’s too. I brought it for you.”

“We’re reading it together,” Ryan offered as he opened the frosted door that led to the bathroom. “Come on, the closet’s in here.” 

Chester’s brows furrowed as he tossed the novel back onto the small table by the chair. “In the bathroom?” 

“It’s weird, I know, but I’ve gotten used to it.” Ryan led the way, stopping as they went to point out the double showerheads and showing Chester the vanity that he and Jason stood at each morning to brush their teeth and hair together. “And this,” he announced as he flipped on the light, “is our closet.” 

Chester stepped in, his eyes going wide at all the barren space. There were two matching dressers sitting side by side. A group of dressier clothes, and a line of long sleeves and sweaters, things Chester recognized as being too small for Ryan, so they were definitely Jason’s, hanging neatly. There were a few pairs of shoes - including a pair of black boots that Chester knew were Ryan’s - and some belts and ties. But lots and lots of empty space. “You’re going to have to go shopping,” he decided as he stepped in and touched one of the white wire racks. “I brought everything from Talinda’s and it’s not going to touch half this space.”

“I’m planning on it,” Ryan said as he rubbed his bare arms. “It’s so much colder here. I’m going to have to invest in a sweater collection of my own.” 

Chester spun around, his jaw hanging open. It was hard to imagine Ryan Shuck covering up his muscular arms and black and gray tattoos with knit sweaters and long sleeves. But Chester also knew he was right. It was cold. “So you’re saying the next time I see you, you’ll be in a pair of jeans and a sweater. That’s what you’re telling me?” 

Ryan grinned with a soft chuckle. “Maybe. I’m not giving up on my muscle shirts. In the summer, it will be fine. But I don’t want to freeze here in the winter.” 

That made sense, and Chester accepted it. “You guys are going to get to spend Christmas together,” he mentioned next as they stood in the half-empty closet.” 

“We are,” Ryan said with a nod. “And every Christmas from now on.”

Even though Chester knew the deep connection between Ryan and Jason, Ryan’s very sure approach to all this was still awe inspiring. “How do you know?” he decided to ask directly. He glanced out the closet door, but they were alone. “With Jay and everything that happened? I know you love him,” he rushed to say, and Chester was the one rubbing his arms now, even though they were hidden underneath the sleeves of his hoodie.

“I just know,” Ryan answered honestly. “Everything that happened, it doesn’t matter. Me and Jay, we both screwed up. We both made mistakes, and we’re past that now. It’s so good being together,” he said, a smile crossing his lips. “He told me straight out he wants me to stay and not leave. Ever. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted. So, here I am. Here _we_ are. It’s exactly how we always wanted it...for so long,” he whispered with a heavy sigh. “And all that stuff - Mark and YRS and the loft - we’re dealing with it, but we’re together. You’ve seen Jay. He’s so healthy now, and he’s still working on himself. Just like you. Both of you. I’m so proud of both of you.” 

He stepped forward and opened his arms, pulling Chester into a quick hug. He kissed the side of his face before they separated. “Come on, let’s go back downstairs before you have to go,” he offered. He knew Chester’s time was short, and even though he didn’t like it, he’d accepted it. Besides, he’d had years of lots of Chester company. Now it was time to fill all that space with his Jason, and Ryan couldn’t be happier. 

They went back through the bathroom, and out into the bedroom. They were halfway down the stairs, the smell of fresh brewed coffee hitting them when Ryan asked, “So where’s Mike? In the car?” 

“No, he’s waiting with Cheese down in the lobby. He was, you know, didn’t feel totally comfortable coming up.” Chester stepped into the living room, just in time to see Jay coming out of the kitchen to stand by the bar. He wasn’t sure how touchy of a subject Mike was, so he didn’t want to say too much. There was just no reason to. 

“Good,” Ryan said, as he looked between Chester and Jason. “I’m actually going to go talk to him for a minute.” He pointed toward the front door before swinging back around. “I’m sure you guys will be okay without me.”

Chester reached out, his hand landing on Ryan’s arm. “You’re going to go talk to Mike? Why? I can come with you.” 

“Chaz, it’s fine,” Ryan said, stepping out of Chester’s light hold. “Really. Stay here with Jay,” he said, motioning to his boyfriend. “I’ll be right back.” He didn’t miss the very serious look of concern on Chester’s face, and Ryan quickly patted him on the shoulder. “It’s nothing bad,” he told him. “Okay? I’ll be right back.” 

Ryan didn’t look upset, and there was zero hint of frustration or anger in his voice. It was all the opposite. His eyes were bright, his smile present, his voice gentle. “Okay,” Chester agreed quietly, and before he knew it, Ryan was headed for the door. The moment he was gone, Chester turned to Jason. “What’s going on?” 

“I have no idea.” Jason sipped his coffee, thinking. He didn’t know what Ryan would want to talk to Mike about, or why it would need to be without Chester, but it didn’t bother him. He sat down on one of the barstools and looked at Chester. “Thanks for bringing his stuff up. I know the drive is tough.” He thought about how he’d made the same drive, alone, and how exhausted he’d been when he got there. “He’s totally excited about organizing our closet. I’m sure we’ll be up half the night working on it, but just to see him care about something… it’s so good.” He looked down to see Blue slinking around the couch, cautiously headed their way. “I’m glad you called me when you did, Chaz. He’s really going to be okay. That’s because of you.” 

Chester looked back at the door one last time before he joined Jason, sitting down, leaving an empty barstool between them. “I can’t tell you how happy I am you guys worked things out. Really, Jay. I am. He’s been so miserable these last few months.” He looked over and smiled. “It’s good just to see him like this. To see him smiling for real. It feels like it’s been a really long time.” 

Downstairs in the lobby, Mike looked at his watch again. Chester hadn’t been gone too long, but every second felt like an eternity. Cheese had sniffed the entire radius she could reach around where Mike was sitting, and then come to paw at his leg. He picked her up without issue, settling her on his lap while he stroked the soft fur on her back. Every time he heard the soft ping of the elevator he looked over, hoping for Chester, but it was usually an unknown tenant that he was then obligated to smile and say hello to, and that had already gotten old. This next time when he heard the elevator he didn’t bother to look over, deciding instead to just keep his eyes on Cheese until Chester called for him. 

Ryan stepped off the elevator. It only took a few seconds to spot Mike and the little black and tan terrier sitting on the edge of the lobby fountain. Mike wasn’t even looking up, like he was purposely avoiding looking around. Ryan wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but it really didn’t matter. Showing Mike around his new place wasn’t the point. 

He headed that way, and when he got within speaking distance, he said, “Hey, Mike. You got a minute?” He gestured to the empty spot next to him as he cracked a smile at the dog, he had never really met. 

Cheese’s head popped up at the first sound of a new person, her little tail wagging, and Mike’s gaze followed. “I’ve got all the minutes,” Mike said, giving Ryan a short smile and then looking past him, but Chester was nowhere to be found. “This is Cheese.” He set the terrier down on the floor and she went straight to Ryan to say hello. 

Ryan crouched down, letting Cheese sniff his hand before he briefly petted over her tiny head. She really was cute, and he knew how much Chester adored her. “Hi, Cheese. I probably smell like cat,” he said with a short laugh as the terrier tried to sniff him a little more. “I can see why Chaz is crazy about you.” 

He looked up to see Mike watching closely, his dark hair in his eyes. Ryan stood up and took the step to close the space between them before he sat down. He smiled as Cheese followed, smelling all around the bottoms of his joggers and his black socks. He hadn’t bothered to slip on shoes. “I just wanted to tell you thank you,” he said, starting out slowly so he could pick his words carefully. Things had always been tense between him and Mike Shinoda, but Ryan wanted this conversation to go better. “Thanks for coming up here with Chaz. It was a lot of me to ask him. We both know what an awful drive it is.” 

He watched as Mike nodded before he went on. “And I wanted to say I was sorry.” Ryan didn’t miss the look of shock on Mike’s face, his brown eyes doubling from behind his bangs. “I know I’ve put Chaz through hell these last few weeks...probably more like months. I haven’t been a good friend to him, and I’ve already told him how sorry I am. But I also know you’re the one that’s been holding him up through all this. Being supportive when he’s needed it.” He let out a long breath, his gaze on the dog as he said, “and I know how draining that can be. So, I’m sorry, Mike. I’m sure my fucked-up ass has brought you lots of hard nights and stress lately.” 

Mike watched as Ryan poured his heart out. It was the last thing he was expecting to hear, but it meant a lot that Ryan had come down to the lobby just to tell him that. Now he felt like a little bit of an ass for not going on up to the apartment. “It _is_ a long ass drive.” He paused, his mind filling in, _making it with Ches was a whole lot different than making it with you._

Mike followed Ryan’s eyes down to Cheese. “He’s been just sick over you. And I don’t tell you that to make you feel bad, but so that you know people care about you. Even me.” He spread his hand over his chest. “I know we don’t really get along, but Chester would have been crushed if something had happened to you. I never want him to hurt that way. I know he’s happy that you’re here. He says it’s the very best place you could be.” He reached down to pick up Cheese again, who wouldn’t leave Ryan’s feet alone. “Sorry, she probably wants to lick your toes. She’s like that.” 

He rolled his eyes at the little dog, who still had her neck out, trying to get to Ryan, even as Mike situated her on his lap again. “I know I did things that deserve an apology, too, and I’m sorry for the part I played in everything that’s happened. I want you to know that I really wish both of you happiness here.”

“Thanks, Mike,” Ryan offered. “We’re going to be just fine. I know it. And I know Chester’s happy. Even with how bad off I was,” he said, his voice lowering as he did, “I didn’t miss the fact that he’s happier now than I think I’ve ever seen him. You’ve held up your end of our deal, Shinoda. You’re treating him right.” He hesitated for a second, before he snaked his hand up the front of his shirt, and then both around his neck, unhooking the gold chain. “When Chaz started his therapy, I got this. It’s Saint Dymphna,” he explained as he held out the necklace and Mike took it, inspecting the medallion. “She’s the patron saint of mental health. I want you to have it. He’s yours now,” Ryan said softly, meeting Mike’s dark eyes. “And I know now that you’re going to be good to him.” 

“Are you sure?” Mike asked without thinking, then immediately realized how it sounded when Ryan looked confused. “That you want me to have it. Not that I’ll be good to him. I will be. I _am_ ,” he tried to clarify. He looked back down at the necklace. There was more happening here than a transfer of jewelry. Mike hadn’t missed Ryan’s wording. _He’s yours now._ A small, stubborn part of Mike wanted to say that Chester had always been his, but he knew better. 

For years Ryan had been Chester’s shoulder to cry on, his shopping partner, the friend he played video games with. It didn’t matter that the two of them were labelled YRS partners, when the feelings had gone past business on both sides. Mike thought he understood them now, the difference in _Mike and Chester_ and _Ryan and Chester_ , and the fact that they had been lovers without being in love. It didn’t diminish what Mike was to Chester, or negate that Chester and Ryan had a deep and intimate friendship - a mutual love - that the four of them weren’t trying to deny anymore. 

He stared at the gold medallion and realized that Ryan was letting go of all of the parts of Chester that should be Mike’s, and Mike’s alone. It was a far bigger and more meaningful gesture than Mike had been expecting, and he felt his eyes filling with tears. Cheese was about to fall out of his lap trying to get to Ryan, and Mike put her back down, the leash looped around his wrist before he took a deep breath. 

“Thank you.” Mike felt his cheeks flush as his voice broke slightly. “I’m not going to fuck it up this time. He’s my cheeseburger.” He reached behind his neck to clasp the necklace, the chain feeling odd on his neck. Mike looked down. His torso was shorter than Ryan’s, and the medallion hung between his nipples. He tucked the necklace into his shirt and looked at Ryan. “I’ll take good care of it. And him.” 

Watching Mike put the necklace on almost immediately, gave Ryan all the reassurance he’d been hoping for. Mike was taking the gesture seriously, and it settled something final inside of Ryan’s heart and mind. He reached over and cupped Mike’s jean-clad knee. “I know you will,” he said, giving him a squeeze before he stood up. “I hope you guys have fun at the cabin. I’ll send Chaz back down. And you guys should check out the deli across the street, if you get the chance. They have the best pretzel roll sandwiches, and the coffee is outstanding,” Ryan said with a smack of his lips. He looked down quickly before he crouched down. “Bye, Cheese,” he said, his voice going up a notch as he quickly petted over her wiggly body. “I’m very glad I got to meet you.” 

Cheese gave Ryan’s hand a lick, and then both her and Mike watched Ryan head back for the elevator. Mike heard the little whine from his puppy, and he reached down to soothe her. As soon as he leaned over, he felt the necklace tap against the front of his shirt. “It’s okay, Cheese. I’m sure you’ll see him again.” He stood up to walk around the lobby, to give Cheese something new to explore and sniff. “Come on. Ches will be back soon to get the rest of Ryan’s stuff, and then we’re gonna go check out those pretzel rolls.” 

****  
TBC


	26. A Meaningful Trade

Jason twisted his neck side to side and looked up at his boyfriend. He’d been sitting on the floor of the closet, handing clothing to Ryan piece by piece, and watching him put each item on a hanger before deciding where to hang it. They were on suitcase number two, which meant everything left was packed away in the boxes that had been brought up from the Lotus, but Jason would sit on the floor of the closet all night if Ryan needed him to. Every article of clothing that found its home on a hanger or in a dresser drawer was proof that Ryan wasn’t leaving.

His eyes drifted over Ryan’s backside again and he smiled to himself, waiting for his lover to have to stretch out or bend over again. Jason was cataloguing every move Ryan made and appreciating the lines of his body. It was all lines he got to touch, anytime he wanted, out in the open. The exhilaration of that freedom hadn’t worn off yet. 

They’d been at it for a while, and Ryan’s constant narration of each item he put away had tapered to a sentence here and there while he worked and mostly mumbled to himself. It was his side of the closet, and Jason didn’t interfere with his opinion of where things should go. He simply enjoyed watching Ryan debate with himself over how to best organize his things in the vast space that they now shared. Jason didn’t know he could be excited over sharing a closet with someone, but he was.

He already had the next shirt in his hand, ready to pass off, when Ryan turned around. “It’s looking good in here, Ry,” he encouraged, flashing him a smile. 

“It is,” Ryan agreed easily as he reached to take the next shirt. “It actually looks like two people live here now.” He fitted the black and gray shirt on the hanger and found it a spot before he turned back around to face his boyfriend. “I’m really glad I’m that other person.” He paused thoughtfully. He wasn’t used to seeing Jason on the floor. He had to admit his lover was looking rather fetching at the moment, surrounded by clothes and suitcases and shoes. Jason was head to toe in his pajamas - a soft wine colored pair tonight, with thick off-white stitching. The three top buttons were already undone, and Ryan smiled. He could see a little bit of Jason’s chest. One of his favorite sights. 

“Me, too,” Jason said softly. He didn’t know if words could adequately describe how happy he was that Ryan was there and was staying. He’d missed him so much. “Though, I don’t think you’re even gonna fill up half this empty space. Look at us, so minimalistic. I never thought that would be a thing, but I love it. It feels so good not to be weighed down by extra stuff. All we need are things we really love. No need to fill every square inch until we think we need to move. I feel like this is plenty of space for us.” He handed Ryan another shirt when he turned around. 

“I’m still impressed with how much you let go of after you moved out of the big house. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. There was so much.” Ryan glanced around the closet. Jason was right. Even with all their stuff, there was still going to be space - room to breathe - and that was okay. “You’re right,” he decided as he hung another shirt. “I think it’s good to not be so crowded. And just think, if there was a fire, we’d know exactly what to grab on our way out the door.” He stopped and smiled at Jason as they both said, “Blue” in unison before they laughed. 

After the giggles subsided, Jason felt his insides grow serious. “None of the stuff matters, Ry. All of that artwork, the furniture, the _things_ that Mark and I collected… that stuff was meaningless. Stuff doesn’t equal happiness. Or love.” He thought about that for a moment. “I walked away from that house with hardly anything, and I haven’t missed any of it. And since I’ve been here, I’ve gotten rid of pretty much everything from there except my clothes. And my watch. But that’s it. No point in holding on to anything that came from a place that made me so miserable.” He looked up to see Ryan paused, his blue eyes studying him intently. 

“I’m glad we’re not there anymore,” Ryan said as he slowly sank down to the floor to sit right in front of Jason. He reached forward to cup Jason’s leg, running his thumb back and forth lightly over his kneecap. “You’re right. Things don’t matter. Wherever we are, Jay, whatever we have or don’t have, being together is all that matters.”

Jason leaned close, capturing Ryan’s lips in a slow kiss. He savored the connection, the warmth and the understanding that came from his boyfriend. Talking about Mark wasn’t easy, but he wasn’t afraid to bring it up with Ryan. Ryan was the only person in the world who understood all of that. “I love you,” he whispered. “You were the only beautiful thing to come out of that place.”

Ryan took Jason’s hand, and placed it over his heart. “I love you, too.” He squeezed Jason’s fingers with a smile. “All of that, it seems so long ago. Like it was a different life.” He leaned forward, keeping Jason’s hand locked against his chest as they kissed. He felt Jason’s fingers curl into his t-shirt, and it felt good. Being wanted felt good. 

When they pulled apart Jason kept his hand balled into Ryan’s shirt, holding him close. “It was a different life. This is the start of a whole new life.” He smiled and slowly let go, leaning back against the wall. “You know, if we keep making out on the floor, we’ll never get this done. And some of your shirts might come out with wrinkles.” 

Ryan chuckled as he leaned forward, this time coming up on his knees, his hands on the floor on either side of Jason’s legs. “I like to live dangerously,” he said slyly, and he grinned when both of Jason’s hands cupped his face while they kissed again. It was a slow, succulent kiss, one that was drowning in affection and love, not lust, even though Ryan knew that was under the surface. He pulled back so they could see each other - so he could see Jason’s dark eyes under the light of the closet. “You’re right, Mr. Akio, we’re never going to get this done if we don’t stop making out. It’s these pajamas of yours,” he said, rolling his lips together so he wouldn’t laugh as he picked at the soft material. “They’re a serious turn on. Forget underwear and leather. Long sleeved, full-bodied cotton pajamas have become my new kink. Who would have guessed?” 

Jason loved the sparkle in Ryan’s eyes as they smiled at each other. “It’s cold here,” he whined playfully, lightly pushing at Ryan. “Don’t make fun of my old man pajamas. They’re comfy. With the added bonus of buttons, which I know you love.” He walked his fingers up Ryan’s chest, ready to tease him about wearing some old man pajamas himself, and paused. “Where’s your necklace?” 

Ryan’s hand went right to his chest, feeling the empty place the gold necklace had lived for the last year. He leaned back, and then sat down on his bottom. “I gave it to Mike,” he answered without issue. “When I went down to talk to him, I wanted to tell him thank you for coming with Chaz on the nasty drive and to apologize for making his life hell the last few months, like I told you,” he said, gesturing to Jason and catching the nod of acknowledgement from him over the quick conversation they’d had after Chester had left. “And I gave him my necklace.”

Ryan let out a soft sigh, his eyes dropping to the small sliver of flooring he could see between them. “When we came up to get Mike’s stuff from your houseboat, he tried to apologize to me for everything that happened. I told him that if he got his act together and started treating Chaz right, that we were good...and he’s done that.” He looked up, meeting Jason’s understanding face. “I don’t need to take care of Chaz anymore. He’s doing really good, and Mike’s finally being the partner he needs.” 

Jason reached out and took Ryan’s hand, lacing their fingers together without even looking. “You have such a good heart, Ry. You’ve been there for Chaz through a lot.” His other hand went to Ryan’s face. “It’s all been a lot to take in, the last year and all the changes we’ve been through, but all of us are coming out of it better now. Chaz seems to be doing better, and I know I am… and you are, too.” His thumb stroked over Ryan’s cheek. Part of him would be sad when Ryan got around to taking the trimmer to his beard. He’d gotten used to the look and the softness of the dark hair on Ryan’s face already. 

“As far as Mike… he’s got a personality that will have him trying to make up for how he’s treated Chester, long after he’s been forgiven. I don’t doubt if he screws up you’ll put him in his place.” Jason sat back and gave Ryan a tiny smile. He knew Ryan wouldn’t interfere, but if Chester needed him, Ryan would be right there in a heartbeat. “It’s funny how things work out the way they’re supposed to, isn’t it? Did he put it on?” Jason squinted, trying to imagine Mike wearing a necklace. 

“He did,” Ryan said with a thoughtful nod. “The whole conversation went really well. Probably the best conversation I’ve ever had with him. Naturally, we’re like this.” Ryan held up his fists, knocking them together. “Or we used to be. Maybe that will get better now that we’re hundreds of miles apart.” He tossed Jason a smile before he stood up. He wanted to stay on the floor and keep talking, but he knew the closet would never get done if he did that, and they still had dinner to order. They’d already decided on chili and baked potatoes - two things that the deli across the street did exceptionally well - and Ryan was looking forward to it. Dinner and then he’d get a shower and into some of his own clothes for the night. Or at least until it was bedtime. Then the clothes would be shed to cuddle up with his Jason. _And reading. We’ll read Twilight after dinner. Stupid Jacob. I want to smack him._

The thought brought a smile to Ryan’s face as he took the last shirt from the suitcase and hung it up. He stepped back to look over his clothes. Much like Chester’s closet, there were a handful of items that had been used in Score shoots. He reached out to touch the sleeve of one of the warmer pieces he’d gotten while they were in New York. “It’s funny,” he said, letting the shirt go to look at Jason. “I don’t think I’m going to miss being in the fashion world at all. I didn’t miss YRS...for obvious reasons...and I’m not going to miss Score either. The people, sure, but I’m ready to do something else and that feels good.” 

Jason looked up from zipping the suitcase closed. “Here, this can go over there in the corner,” he decided, nodding toward the empty space out of the way. “What do you think you want to do? You know, you don’t _have_ to work, Ry. You can do anything you want to do, regardless of what it pays. I want you to be happy with whatever it is. Do you have any thoughts?” He stood up and reached for one of the boxes, opening it up. It was full of shoes. He scooted it over toward Ryan and grabbed another, which was full of folded items for the dresser. He left that one alone and leaned against his dresser to watch Ryan neatly line up his shoes. 

“I can’t not work,” Ryan stated. “It’s not in me. I want to do my part.” He looked over just long enough to catch the look on Jason’s face. That subject was closed. The offer was appreciated, but denied, and neither of them needed to say that outloud for the message to be clear. “And I’m not sure yet. I’ve been looking through job listings, just trying to get a feel for things here.” He took the last pair of boots from the box and put them with the others before he stood back to look his work over. He had nowhere near as many shoes as Chester, and he was perfectly fine with that. There were a few pairs he hadn’t even seen since living with Talinda; they’d been packed away for the last six months. It was nice to have them all together in the larger space. He twisted around to take the next box, full of folded pairs of pants, along with his muscle shirts, underwear, and socks. “I think I’d like to do something more blue collar,” he mentioned as he thought over the open jobs he’d seen on the employment app. “Maybe customer service. You know, helping people with...I don’t know,” he said with a happy shrug. “In a store or a restaurant. I can’t cook, but I think it would be fun to take people their food and recommend the specials and tell people which items on the menu are kickass and which ones are eh.” 

Ryan thought for a second as he pulled out stacks of neatly folded pants before he nodded his head out the closet door. “Like at the deli. Not there, specifically, but everyone there really seems to enjoy being there. They talk and interact with everyone who comes in, talking about the weather and the food and whatever else is going on. Listening when people are having a hard day. I don’t know, I guess that’s the caretaker in me,” he mused as he looked over at Jason. “Always trying to look after someone.” 

It was true. Ryan was a natural caretaker, and it was one of the biggest pulls Jason felt toward his boyfriend way back before they were even dating. He had been well aware that Ryan’s eyes followed him in the big house, noticing things the others either didn’t notice, or tried to pretend they didn’t notice. There had been many moments that Jason had seen the desire in Ryan to step into situations that were none of his business to make things better. And even before Ryan finally kissed him, they’d had hushed conversations about how Jason felt, and if Ryan could do anything to make Jason’s life better. Easier. Ryan had filled the caretaker role with Chester until Mike came along, and he’d filled that role with Jason before they were a couple. Jason could imagine Ryan with an apron, making coffee and lending an ear to his customers. The thought made him smile.

“You’d be a hot barista,” Jason offered over his shoulder as he turned to his own dresser. “I’d buy my coffee from you if you would listen to all my problems.” He pulled out a small black box from the top drawer, keeping it hidden from Ryan as he stepped over to stand behind him while he put away clothes into the second dresser. “Lucky for me, I don’t have to pay you to listen to my problems.” He wrapped both arms around Ryan’s waist and rested his head on his back. Jason smiled, his eyes closing as he pictured the whole scene before gently tapping the box against Ryan’s stomach. “Now that you have a safe place to keep them, you can have these back. I found them the day I was trying to find you in L.A. I thought it was a sign I was doing the right thing, and I wanted them to be safe.” 

“Therapy is expensive, but coffee is cheap,” Ryan said, before he looked down to see what Jason was trying to give him. His eyes widened. He didn’t need to open the box to know what it was. “Our rings,” he gasped as he took the box and spun around. “You’ve had them all this time?” He could feel his heart pounding - in a good way - as a tidal wave of relief washed over him. “I thought I’d lost them,” he admitted, his voice shaking as he looked inside. Even though he knew they were there, the sight of the matching blue and silver rings made him shiver. He’d messed up a lot, but he hadn’t lost Jason’s ring. 

He looked up and smiled. “I haven’t seen them in awhile. I had them by my bed at Talinda’s. Well, I guess you know that.” He held the box up and touched one of the rings - Jason’s ring, which he knew without pulling them out to inspect them. “This one is yours,” he said softly, running his finger over the smooth surface. “If you still want it, my promise to you is the same as it was back then. I’m yours, no matter what. That hasn’t changed.” 

Jason held his hand out, ready for Ryan to put the ring on his finger. So many memories of the night he’d first been given the ring flashed through his mind. The wonderful, happy memories of celebrating and walking on the beach with Ryan in the moonlight eclipsed the memory of what happened afterward. Jason refused to be dragged into memories of Mark, or memories of the anguish he’d caused when he returned the ring to Ryan. Jason let himself acknowledge the long road to this moment, but he didn’t let it consume him. He looked up into Ryan’s eyes and smiled. “Of course I want it. I don’t want to take it off again.” 

Ryan’s mind was blank with giddiness as he took Jason’s hand and carefully slipped the ring onto his finger - his wedding ring finger. It was almost overwhelming as he looked down at the way it sat against Jason’s skin, how it wrapped lovingly around his finger, like it was always meant to be there. This time, Jason didn’t have to hide it. He didn’t have to wear _another_ ring around certain people or take it off to keep up appearances. It was going to stay on Jason till the end of their days. Ryan could feel it. 

He quickly slipped on his own ring, and then left the box on top of the dresser before he brought their hands together. He raised them to his lips, kissing over Jason’s ring. “I don’t want to ever take mine off again either,” he whispered over their hands as he met Jason’s eyes. 

Standing in the closet, looking into Ryan’s blue eyes, Jason knew it was true. Their rings weren’t going anywhere this time. “I love you,” he whispered back, leaning forward to seal the promise with a tender kiss.

****

By the time Chester pulled their rental car to a stop, it was dark out. Everything had taken more time than they’d figured. Right after Jason’s, they went across the street to the deli Ryan had recommended. Chester couldn’t deny the food was good. He’d gobbled down an entire ham and cheese pretzel roll sandwich and a bowl of potato soup, which was beyond satisfying. They sat outside at the small tables meant for two with Cheese at their feet, engrossed in everyone passing by. A few people had even stopped to pet her and comment on how cute she was while Mike went on and on about the pretzel rolls and the two roast beef and swiss concoctions he couldn’t get enough of. The rental car was next. They’d picked up the bright yellow Toyota RAV4 and then headed to a grocery store to stock up on supplies for the cabin. It was one more thing that seemed to take forever. Mike held Cheese as they traversed the unfamiliar store. Not knowing where anything was made it harder. 

But all of that was finally done, and Chester was relieved they were at the cabin and _home_ for the night. He peered through the front windshield, trying to see something other than shadows. He knew the lake was off in the distance. They’d seen the signs on the way in, and the reflections off the water. But the house - the cabin - was harder to make out. Every house they’d seen on the way in looked huge and well-to-do. Forrest’s property looked much smaller by comparison. 

“It looks like just one level,” Chester decided. “Which is good. No stairs for Cheese.” 

“Oh, that _is_ good,” Mike said as Chester parked. He looked down at Cheese, who had been in his lap ever since they all left the grocery store. “She’s already worn out. Traveling is hard, isn’t it, girl?” he asked the puppy in his sweet voice. 

Mike looked out, squinting to try to see the cabin. There were tons of trees all around, making it harder to see the actual dwelling. He was excited to get inside and get organized, get a shower and fall into bed. Cheese wasn’t the only person worn out. Mike was physically tired and emotionally exhausted. He hadn’t realized making the same drive with Chester he’d made with Ryan six months ago would weigh on his mind the way it had. The conversation with Ryan had helped settle most of those feelings, but he was still tired. And he knew Chester well. They wouldn’t be able to just carry everything inside and leave it. They’d be embarking on grocery and closet organization, or Chester wouldn’t be able to sleep. It was part of the territory of being Chester Bennington’s boyfriend.

He rearranged his attitude and ignored how tired he was. “Well, let’s get everything inside. Then Cheese can potty while you decide if you want to organize the kitchen or the closet first.” Mike wiggled his eyebrows at Chester. “I don’t know if you can make a decision like that,” he teased. 

Chester turned off the RAV4, and the inside of the vehicle went silent. “Sexy Boy, please. Groceries will be first. We have stuff that needs to go in the refrigerator and the freezer. Your mint chocolate chip ice cream,” he pointed out as he motioned to the back. “The last thing we need is melted ice cream.” He stuck his tongue out, and Mike playfully pushed him on his arm before they both got out. 

Chester opened up the back doors, filling his arms with grocery sacks, rather than their luggage. He had the cabin keys in his hand as he looked at his phone. “Forrest says to go in the front door, which he says is off to the right.” He pointed through the dark before flipping the torch on his phone to life, the light leading the way. 

Once they got away from the car, they were met with a cobblestone walkway, which was nice. It was easier than trying to find their way around the bushes and trees, which were everywhere. They followed the walkway to the side of the house, and then up onto a porch, that even had a swing. Chester looked at it, and then out toward the direction of the lake. “I bet we can sit out here tomorrow and see the water.” 

Mike looked over and nodded. It sounded nice and relaxing, and that was exactly what he wanted after the crazy semester. Cheese was under his arm. He’d decided not to let her walk in the unfamiliar darkness, so he only had a one bag of groceries with him. He watched Chester set things down to unlock the door, and then flip on a light inside. Mike blinked at the sudden illumination, and looked around. Forrest’s cabin was smaller than others they had seen, but it definitely wasn’t small. He put Cheese down immediately so he could help bring in the groceries. “Wow, look at this place. This is going to be awesome, Ches!” He picked up an additional bag and followed Chester inside. Cheese had already scampered off somewhere inside, exploring. 

The space was open, and Chester’s eyes popped as he looked around. There was a seating area with a couch, and two plush armchairs sitting across from it, a solid oak coffee table in the middle and a stone fireplace at the head, sandwiched between floor to ceiling windows - windows he knew were like pocket doors. Forrest had already told him they could be opened completely to _bring the outside in_.The chandelier overhead looked heavy, with lights that resembled candles and chains. It was part cabin and part dungeon and Chester smiled. This was going to be fun. 

He took a few steps in, his sneakers squeaking against the polished wood floors as he headed for the kitchen. There was an oak dining table, with eight white padded chairs that had a black zig-zag pattern on them. It was all visible over the bar, as Chester set the bags down on the shiny dark butcher block countertops. There was a six burner gas stove, a stainless steel French style refrigerator/freezer, a microwave and a dishwasher. It was eighty times bigger than their apartment kitchen, and Chester was giddy. “Look!” he almost screamed as he rushed over to the stove. He ran his hands over the black grates on the top of the range. “It’s so pretty. It’s gas,” he announced, barely looking over to see Mike grinning at him. Chester turned one of the knobs, and was smiling like a loon as he listened to the _click-click-click-click_ sound before the blue flame popped up. He was in heaven. 

He turned the fire off and opened the oven, quickly inspecting the shiny racks that he wasn’t going to let go to waste. He left the oven alone and went right to the refrigerator. He opened the double doors to see a handful of condiments - ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise. There was a case of Ginger ale that was half empty. 

Chester opened the bottom freezer next, but other than a box of popsicles, there wasn’t much to see. _I’m glad we stopped at the store first._ He closed it and turned around to unpack the closest grocery bag. “We got enough to last a few days. Ugh, I’m tired,” he said, as he took out Mike’s ice cream and the pizzas they’d picked up first to get them in the freezer. “I can do this, if you want to take Cheese out to go potty. I don’t want her to have an accident.” He stopped, and lifted himself up on his tiptoes to see around the open space of the cabin. He spotted Cheese by the dining room table. “Right, Cheezy Girl? No accidents in Forrest’s house. I bet you smell his dogs.” 

“Okay,” Mike agreed easily. “Cheese! Come here!” The terrier ran back to him immediately and Mike picked up the end of the leash. He knew Chester wanted some alone time in the kitchen. It had been a long time since he’d been able to cook in a place with some room. “We’ll be right back.”

He led Cheese back out the front door and down the path. There was a patch of grass between the house and the car, and the little dog took her time sniffing over every square inch before she squatted and took care of her business. Mike looked up. They were far enough away from the city that he could see stars between the clouds, and it was an exciting realization. _Maybe there will be a night we can sit out and look at the stars. We used to do that on the beach. This will be like that, but colder. We can make hot chocolate and bring a blanket to snuggle under._

The idea had Mike smiling in the darkness. He felt Cheese pull on her leash and he looked down. She wanted to explore more, but he knew he should take some of the luggage inside. “We’ll explore all you want tomorrow, pupper. Let’s go grab a suitcase to take inside.” He walked her over to the RAV4 and opened up the back, pulling out a roller suitcase. “Come on, back to Ches. You can stay with him while I bring the rest of this stuff inside.

Together they made their way back to the cabin. Mike rolled the suitcase inside, then bent over to release Cheese from her harness. She scampered off toward the kitchen and Chester. “Hey, Ches! I’m leaving Cheese in here with you! I’m going to get the rest of our luggage!” 

“Okay!” Chester hollered back, before he looked down to see Cheese at his feet. “Did you go potty?” he asked her in his high puppy voice, and he laughed when she wiggled around. “Okay, okay. I gotta finish putting this food away and then we’ll go find the bedroom and the closet and the bathroom.” 

Six grocery bags later, he had the kitchen pretty well organized. They had eggs and bacon for breakfast in the morning, and a loaf of bread for toast. They’d bought orange juice, a case of Vanilla Coke, milk, and coffee. Chester had made sure to pick up the oddball things like cooking spray, butter, sugar, and foil, along with stuff to make hamburgers one night, and spaghetti another. He’d picked up some steaks, too, and those he was looking forward to cooking on the gas range. It was going to be a great few days, and somewhere in his mind, he wondered if they could stay longer. _Forrest said we could stay as long as we want. Maybe more than four days. Maybe the whole week. Or two weeks. Cheese is here with us, and the apartment is all locked up. We have no reason to rush back._

It was a fun thought, just as Chester remembered the other bag on the counter, the paperbag from the liquor mart that had been attached to the grocery store. He stepped over to it and pulled out the large bottle of amber colored rum. He licked his lips. He knew they wouldn’t be drinking tonight, they were both way too tired. But tomorrow night, maybe they would both have a drink while they sat on the porch swing or even on the couch with the fire going and the view of the lake. They could drink it straight and spritz their hot chocolates with it. Or their Vanilla Cokes. It would be fun, and Chester was ready. 

He spun around, ready to find a place on the counter to leave the rum when he saw the liquor cabinet. It was at the end of the kitchen, tucked beside another cabinet. He headed that way. He crouched down and opened the unlocked see through door. He glanced over the bottles of whiskey, vodka, schnapps, and bourbon. There were four bottles of wine - two red and two white - off to the side in their own little vertical holder. It was all very fancy. 

Chester left their bottle of rum on top of the liquor cabinet before he turned around to see Cheese watching everything he did. “Come on, Cheesy Girl, let’s start taking the luggage to the bedroom.” He waved for the terrier to follow, and she happily skipped right along beside him. Mike had just left back out the door, but there were three suitcases just inside the entryway, and Chester grabbed the handles of two of them to wheel them across the space, towards the open doorway on the other side of the living space. He’d already spotted one small bathroom - a guest bathroom - and he was counting on the master bedroom to have its own. 

“I think this is it,” Chester said, only giving the other door on the far side of the space a glance. He knew there were two bedrooms, a master and a guest room, but to him, it made more sense for the master to be off the living room. He wasn’t wrong. 

He flipped on the light. “Fuck me, look at this, Cheese,” he said as he left the suitcases and walked in. There was a huge bed in the center, and another fireplace directly in front of it, with a television mounted above it. “You can lay in bed and watch TV or just admire the fire,” Chester told the dog as he looked around. Much like the living room, the windows were massive, floor to ceiling giants. He couldn’t wait to wake up in the morning to see the unknown view. “I bet we’ll be able to see the lake,” he mumbled as he looked around. The light fixture was the same as in the rest of the cabin - part rustic and part dungeon, which he was really starting to like. There were two nightstands, a small writing desk and a chair. 

“I bet that’s the bathroom,” Chester said as he pointed before he looked around. That was it. There was only one door, and he frowned. “Or not. That must be the closet then.” He crossed the room and opened it, and he was met with more windows, a walk-in shower, a fancy clawfoot tub, double vanity and toilet, and a closet. “It’s like at Jason’s,” Chester thought aloud as he crossed the very white bathroom and stepped into the closet space. It was mostly empty, the upper racks filled with extra blankets, sheets, and boxes that were sealed and labeled. There were a few clothes off to one side, and a tall chest of drawers, but that was all. 

“We could unpack everything and not even have to move Forrest’s stuff,” he told Cheese, who was sniffing the perimeter of the closet. “This is so cool. It’s huge in here! Where’s Mike?” he whined suddenly as he turned around. He wanted to gush about the closet and the huge bed and fireplace, but none of that was very fun if Mike wasn’t standing there with him. 

Mike made his last trip inside with the remainder of their bags, turning to close and lock the door behind him. He looked around. Chester and Cheese were nowhere to be seen, but two of the suitcases were gone. It was easy to figure out they had gone to the closet. Mike chuckled to himself, reaching down to grab the last suitcase to pull along with their backpacks. He looked around the living space, admiring the fireplace and the fixtures. The space looked comfortable and inviting, and Mike could already feel the stress of the last few weeks melting away. _This is going to be so nice. We haven’t been on a vacation since we went to Long Beach. And that was different._

He stepped into the bedroom, his mouth almost dropping open when he spied the fireplace. Visions of sleeping in late, laying in front of the fire, and making love in the big bed crossed his mind instantly. Mike was grateful for the small on-campus apartment his scholarship money paid for, but he missed the creature comforts of living in a nice place. Everything about the cabin was both luxurious and unassuming, and the combination was enticing. “Ches? Where are you?” he called. 

“We’re in the bathroom, in the closet!” Chester hollered, and just as fast he saw Cheese take off, headed to track down Mike. Chester smiled. It was funny how attached to both of them the small terrier was. If one of them wasn’t around, she was always on the lookout for when they would be back. “You have to see this!” Chester called as he stepped out of the closet, just in time to see Mike coming into the bathroom. “The closet’s part of the bathroom. It was like that at Jason’s, too. It must be a Washington thing. Or maybe just a new construction thing. A high end thing,” he added with a shrug. It didn’t matter. They were nowhere near ever being in new construction, or anything high end. And they were never going to live in Washington. “We can put all our stuff away in here. There’s tons of room. I guess Forrest doesn’t keep much here.” He thought about that for a second before he added, “probably because fashion changes so quickly. You have to keep up with what’s in.” 

Mike shrugged. “You know I have no idea about fashion. But I know how much I love this fireplace.” He gestured back behind him to the bedroom as Cheese tried to climb up his leg. “I know, I know,” he cooed at the puppy. “Show me the closet, Cheese!” He laughed as Cheese took back off toward Chester. He was shocked she had as much energy as she did at the moment, and he knew that she was going to crash hard soon. 

He stepped into the empty closet. “This is huge. I know how much you’d love to have a closet like this.” He slid behind Chester and wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing the side of his neck. “One day, Ches. We’ll have bigger and better than this.” He pecked a line down Chester’s neck and squeezed him close. “You want to unpack and try out the shower? It looks big enough for two. I haven’t been able to soap you up in a long time.” 

Chester let himself be held, one arm going back over his shoulder to grope at Mike’s head and hair. “That sounds amazing. It’s been so long. And that shower looks like we could get three people in there,” he chuckled. He twisted his head, just enough to connect their lips quickly. “Tell you what, you bring the suitcases in here and I’ll unpack and you can find towels and all our shampoo. You can be on shower duty to get it all ready. And if you’re faster than me, you can dig out Cheese’s bowls and her bed. She’ll probably pass out while we’re…. _showering_ ,” he said with a hint of playfulness, pushing his ass back against Mike’s crotch. He knew they were both tired, and that nothing more than soap and water would be passing between them in the shower tonight, but he couldn’t help himself. 

Without missing a beat Mike’s hands dropped down to Chester’s hips. “Mmmm,” he hummed, suddenly feeling a little less tired. “It’s on. Who will win? Me or you?” He pulled Chester close and then stepped back. “I’m so gonna win.” 

Cheese zipped in front of him as soon as he walked out of the bathroom. “You’re an excited mess,” he told her, grabbing the suitcases to pull into the closet. “Maybe you could sniff out where the towels are.” He took the bags to Chester and then spun around to look over the bathroom. It was shockingly bright and very clean, and Mike knew that pleased Chester immensely. If nothing else, they would be excellent house guests. Both of them were used to keeping things clean.

Mike opened a few cabinets until he found stacks of fluffy white towels. He grabbed two and set them on the counter, then went back into the bedroom for the bag with their bathroom stuff in it. He took it into the bathroom and dug out their toothbrushes, shampoo, and body wash. “There,” he mumbled to himself. He was ready for the shower, but there was still Cheese’s things to get situated.

It was another trip back into the bedroom, where he grabbed the cheese bag off the bed. It only took a few minutes for him to situate the pink zebra bed next to his side of the big bed, and he dug out the water bowl to take into the kitchen. Mike filled it with water and set it on the floor, then turned around with his hands on his hips. He was pretty sure that was everything on his checklist of things to do. _Towels, shampoo, Cheese stuff. I got it._ With a satisfied grin, he headed back to the bedroom. “Ches! I’m finished!” 

“What?” Chester cried in shock. “You must have cheated!” He looked down at the suitcases, lightly cursing himself for packing so much. He wasn’t even half done. He looked over the few pairs of shoes he lined up under the shirts he’d already managed to hang, before deciding the shoes were in the wrong order. He dropped to his knees quickly, moving the blue and black sneakers next to the cool boot shoes. _That’s better. And my red ones._ He twisted around to pull one of the suitcases closer so he could find the red shoes he wanted next to the boots, but stopped when he looked up at Mike in the doorway, looking down at him. “You’re too fast,” Chester complained, before rooting through the suitcase and finding one shoe and then the other. “I haven’t even gotten to your stuff yet. Want to help?” He pointed to Mike’s suitcase. “You can hang all your stuff on that side of this shoe wall,” he explained, marking the cut off with his hand through the air. “And that dresser is empty, so all dresser things can go in there.”

Mike looked at the space he was being allotted. He’d have no problem fitting his stuff into the closet. “Yeah, I’ll unpack my stuff. It’s such a challenge, flannels. I have to decide if I want to organize my plaids light to dark or dark to light. Or maybe by the thickness of the stripes?” he teased, ignoring the playful glare Chester tossed his way. “It might take me the rest of the night to figure it out.” He leaned over and unzipped his suitcase, pulling out his five flannels at once. “Whew. Tough decisions to be made over here, babe.” 

“You know, I’ve never liked you,” Chester shot back playfully, and he grinned as Mike laughed. “And I think it would be cool to arrange your flannels light to dark. It would be like a flannel fade.” He zipped up his first suitcase, leaving only two things inside - Mike’s Christmas present, and a special surprise for him one night when they weren’t exhausted. He shoved it out of the way, to take the next one. He took his folded jeans and put them in the dresser, along with his pairs of socks that ranged from black and white to rainbow, and then his underwear, which included two pairs of panties he’d brought along. “I’m so ready for that shower and the bed. I hope it’s soft.” He found a pair of gray pajama pants next, the ones with bright green dragons on them, and took back a pair of black underwear from the dresser, folding both over his arm.

Mike was finished, his folded items in the dresser and the flannels arranged neatly from light to dark. He saw the pajamas in Chester’s hand and opened up the drawer to snag a pair of his own. A part of him wanted to suggest leaving the pajamas in the dresser for now, but he knew Chester had the right idea. Snuggling and passing out were on the menu for the evening together, despite their teasing earlier. He grabbed the first pajama pants and t-shirt he came across and headed into the bathroom. “Look at this shower. It’s so bright!” The white floor to ceiling subway tile made the lights in the bathroom bounce around with intensity.

“And big,” Chester mentioned as they headed that way. He looked around, but didn’t see their puppy anywhere. Normally she was right at their feet. “Go ahead and get the water going,” he suggested absently as he stuck his head back into the bedroom. Cheese was curled up in her bed already. “Awww,” he hummed before he headed back to Mike. “Cheese is out.” He nodded his head towards the door. “Which is good. I have zero desire to get all soapy with you while she’s watching.” He pulled off his shirt and undid his jeans before shoving them and his underwear down. He’d left his shoes by the front door after getting the food unpacked, so now it was only a question of socks. He steadied himself with the vanity as he pulled them off, leaving his clothes in a pile. 

Mike reached in the shower and turned the water on. “I knew she’d be out,” he said, pulling his shirt off and adding it to the pile as he turned around. It didn’t take him long to get out of the rest of his clothes, which he dropped over his shirt. He was ready to get soapy, and was about to make another joke about it, but he caught Chester staring at him with an odd expression on his face. “What’s wrong?” he asked immediately. 

Chester felt like he was in a bit of a trance as he pointed at Mike’s chest with one finger. “Where did you get that? That’s Ryan’s necklace.”

Instinctively Mike’s hand went up to the necklace. After a while the medallion had warmed to his skin and he’d forgotten it was there. “It _was_ Ryan’s. Now it’s mine.” They were both naked, standing several feet apart in the bathroom as it filled with steam. “I got so wrapped up in the grocery store and coming here I forgot to tell you. When he came down to the lobby, we talked for a minute. He told me he’d gotten it when you started therapy, and that he wanted me to have it now.” Mike kicked their pile of clothes out of the way and stepped closer to Chester. “I hope that’s okay,” he added tentatively. He really couldn’t read Chester’s expression and he didn’t know how to explain why Ryan had given it to him without making it sound like Ryan had given up on Chester somehow. “He loves you, Ches. I think he wanted it to be closer to you.”

It was strange, seeing the necklace Chester knew so well in the wrong place. Mentally and emotionally, he’d always associated the piece of jewelry with Ryan, and it was going to take him a little bit to process that it had changed ownership. Out of the four of them, when Chester had started therapy almost a year ago, it had been Ryan who encouraged him to go. Ryan who held his hand while he took those first few steps. It was Ryan who had listened and asked how it was going. He knew Mike cared, too, but back then, he hadn't really shown it. 

_But it’s not like that now. We talk about it a lot now and he’s so supportive. Maybe that’s why Ry gave it to him. He’s far away now and Mike’s here with me. Really with me._ It was a mix of emotions that Chester knew he would have to sort through, but not right now. Right now he was tired, physically and mentally, and he wanted to shower and go to bed. And besides, Ryan handing over the necklace meant something else, too. For the first time, maybe Ryan and Mike hadn’t tried to rip each other’s heads off. 

“So you and Ry talked like friends?” he asked a little cautiously, but he smiled when Mike nodded. “That’s good. That’s really good. I’m sad I missed it,” he offered, giving the necklace one last look before his attention went to the shower that was already going. The hot water would feel good, and he couldn’t wait to run his fingers all over Mike’s wet, slippery skin. He knew it wouldn’t lead anywhere but to bed and sleep tonight, but that was okay. Showering together was something they enjoyed, even when it didn’t end in sex. 

He motioned for Mike to go first, and then followed him in under the water. The amount of elbow room they had was amazing. It was better than the shower at the loft, and three times as big as their little shower at their apartment. Chester grabbed the soap first. It had been a long drive, and lots of excitement all day. He knew he didn’t smell the best. He cracked a smile at Mike’s wet hair, falling in his face as he watched. “Turn around,” Chester suggested after he’d gotten suds all over. “I’ll wash your back for you before I hand this over.” He held up the soap.

Mike reached up and shoved his hair back, blinking the water away from his eyes as he turned around. “I love it when you do that,” he said over the sound of the water. His eyes closed when Chester started spreading soap all over his back. It had been so long it seemed like showering together had been something other people did. He was going to enjoy the way it felt until it was his turn to take over. “Since you got yourself soapy, I get to wash your hair,” he insisted as Chester’s hands went lower on his body. 

It wasn’t too long until Chester passed him the soap and Mike finished up washing his body while Chester stood under the water. His attention was divided between the work at hand and the contented expression on Chester’s face as he twisted and turned under the water. “Feels good, huh?” he said, leaning over to set the soap on the built in ledge. 

The shampoo was next, and in no time, they both had scrubbed each other’s heads - one in peaches and the beach and one in coconut. It was quick work under the water as they rinsed their hair, Mike taking longer, and Chester not missing the opportunity to carefully run his hands through his boyfriend’s hair. Ever since they’d discovered the joy of hair-pulling when it came to bedroom turn-ons, Chester was careful. He didn’t want to tease. It was too late and they were too tired to get into anything other than pajamas and sleep. 

Chester rinsed his own hair, and when it seemed Mike was finished, the water was turned off. Chester stepped out first, the cooler air hitting his naked body as he grabbed a towel. He handed the other one to his lover. “I’m so tired,” he announced, his voice drained of all excitement as he dried himself off. “I just want to snuggle up and sleep.” He yawned - long and slow, his towel coming to a stop mid-stomach. “There’s no reason to get up early. I bet Cheese will sleep in, too.” 

“I hope so,” Mike said, yawning as soon as Chester did. He hung his towel up and grabbed his boxers and pajama pants. “Snuggling sounds perfect. It’s cold here.” He stepped into both and then pulled his t-shirt on. His hair was going every which way, but it didn’t matter. They were about to go to bed, and it would be even more messy in the morning. In a matter of minutes they were both dressed, teeth brushed, and pulling back the heavy blanket on the bed. Mike looked down at Cheese. She was still knocked out, and hadn’t even stirred when they came closer. “I already feel ten times more relaxed, and we’ve only been here an hour.” He was all smiles as they climbed into bed together.

They were facing each other, the blanket only mid-way up their stomachs. Chester had one arm shoved up under the pillow, his other lying lazily at his side. The lamp on the nightstand was still on, casting a soft glow over the bed and Mike’s face. “I’m ready to relax,” Chester commented with a yawn and a wiggle of his hips. The bed was soft enough. Unfamiliar, but soft, and that would do. His eyes fell on the necklace that was around Mike’s neck, and he reached for it. He scooped the small medallion between his fingers, rubbing it. It was something he’d done many times while it had been around Ryan’s neck, and a wave of acceptance washed over Chester’s mind. _Ry gave it to him. He wouldn’t have done that unless he thought it was the right thing to do._

Chester leaned forward, his eyes shut as he found Mike’s lips by feel. He kissed him softly, with a sigh of exhaustion. “Are you ready to snuggle?” he mumbled, as he let go of the necklace to lay his hand flat against Mike’s warm skin.

Mike had been carefully watching Chester’s face as he touched the necklace. He wondered how many times Chester had done the same thing, only with the necklace around Ryan’s neck. He wondered what kind of conversation had been between them when Ryan suddenly started wearing it out of nowhere. _Ryan was his emotional support then. We were so far apart. Thank God it’s not like that anymore._ As he fretted, the tiny wrinkle of worry between Chester’s eyes melted away before they kissed, and for Mike, that was enough. There was no need to worry, or say anything more. They were there together, and that was what they both wanted. 

“Yeah, let me get the light,” Mike murmured, turning on his side and reaching for the lamp. They were instantly surrounded by darkness that wasn’t pitch black, a barely there soft light coming in from the floor to ceiling windows. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but then Mike could make out the shape of Chester’s face, and the outline of his body next to him. He reached over and pulled him close. “You feel so warm.” He nuzzled his face close to Chester’s.

“You do, too,” Chester whispered, his hand stroking over Mike’s soft beard for a minute before he twisted around. He scooted his ass up against Mike as he pulled the blankets all the way up. He relaxed right into their normal sleeping position as he felt his boyfriend’s arm snake around his middle, and Mike’s lips on the back of his neck. “Good night,” Chester mumbled before he cupped Mike’s hand, squeezing his fingers for a minute. “Eggs and bacon in the morning, Sexy Boy. On the gas stove.” Chester’s eyes were shut, his mind filled with what he was going to do in the grand kitchen over the next few days. 

“Mmmm,” Mike hummed. He had to force the thought of breakfast from his mind or his stomach would rumble, and then he’d need to get up for a snack. He didn’t want to move. “Good night, Ches,” he whispered, leaving one more kiss to the back of his neck and closing his eyes. There would be no problem falling asleep tonight. 

****  
TBC


	27. A Bright Morning

The early morning sunshine lazily floating in over the master bedroom was enough to make Chester groan and rub his face deeper into his pillow. The sun hitting his face was something he’d left behind when he’d moved out of the loft. The window in his bedroom at Amir’s faced west, and their small bedroom at the campus apartment didn’t even have a window. It was a small irritation though, as he shifted, and snuggled himself closer to his boyfriend. Mike’s body was wrapped around him, everything from his arm to their legs, and Chester didn’t mind staying right where he was, sun or no sun. 

He wasn’t sure what time it was, but he’d yet to hear Cheese whine that she needed to go out, and until that happened, Chester was going to stay put. The long miles over the last two days had been exhausting, and knowing that there was nowhere to go today, no errands, no work to be done, was a relief. _I don’t even have to clean anything. No laundry. I’ll clean the kitchen after we eat breakfast, but other than that, we can just relax...all day. I want to go out on the porch swing with Mike and Cheese. That will be fun. I bet we’d take a cute picture on that swing._

Chester’s lips pulled into a smile. He’d grown up in the city his whole life, and his family hadn’t been big on vacations. Because they were so close to the beach, that was always _vacation_ in the Bennington household. A day trip to splash in the water and build sandcastles. Chester had zero bitter thoughts about those _family vacations_ , but it also meant that until he became an adult, his traveling experience was limited. _Almost every place I’ve been, it’s been for work. For YRS or even Score. Until Mike came along._

It was another happy thought as his memory pulled up moments from their first vacation together - the weekend trip to Palm Springs. They’d hiked, and had Mexican food, and stayed in a hotel. Long Beach popped into his mind next - another weekend trip that involved a hotel. Both times had been fun, but this time - this trip - was going to be different. _We’re not in a hotel. We’re not ordering room service or swimming in a pool. We’re cooking our own stuff, and we’re in the woods. Cheese is really going to love it._

Picturing their puppy as they hiked through the woods, or walked along the lake while he and Mike held hands sent all the feelings through Chester. It was going to be a trip they would always remember, the first one that wasn’t attached to sad feelings. _We weren’t even really together in Long Beach. We were technically still broken up. And Palm Springs...we were at YRS. Everything was sad back then. Hard. Everything was fucking hard. But not anymore. Ry’s going to be okay with Jason, and me and Mike are doing so much better._

For a brief second, thoughts of moving back in together hit. Not just part time, but full time. It was fun to imagine the cabin as _their_ home, a vision of what life might be like years down the road. The nice, updated place that they would hopefully have one day in the future. A future where they lived together in a real house or a nice apartment, like the one Jason and Ryan had, with plenty of space for the two of them and a handful of creature comforts they were currently missing in the cramped USC apartment. _Will it take years before I’m ready for that though? I hope not._

Chester shoved that line of thinking away quickly. He’d already gone over all of that right before they’d left for Seattle, and for the precious days they had in the cabin together, he didn’t want to sour them by worrying over timelines and living situations. He let out a long sigh and opened his eyes. The windows were the first thing he saw, and they gave a full view of trees, bushes, and the lake. “Wow,” Chester whispered as he carefully raised himself up on his elbow to get a better look. The lake was in the distance, but not far off. If Forrest’s property wasn’t right up to it, it was awfully close. The surface of the water was still, and there was frost hanging on the trees, and the ground, a thin white coating that wasn’t quite snow. It looked cold outside, the sun shining through thick clouds overhead. Chester could only hope it would warm up as the day went on. The quick thought that they should have bought Cheese a puppy coat or sweater skirted across his mind. _Maybe we will have to go out later, if Cheesy Girl gets too cold. She’s a Cali girl. I bet she’s going to love the fireplace._

He glanced down the bed at the fireplace. Forrest had told him that both fireplaces were gas, so there was no need to chop firewood or try to light an actual fire, which Chester was thankful for. The last thing he wanted to do was to accidentally burn the place down. _Gas is cool though. We can turn a switch and boom! Fire. We should turn this one on tonight._

Chester looked away, back out the windows at the cold morning. He could already see how things were going to go. When they finally got up, Mike would take Cheese out, and Chester would start their breakfast. He looked through Forrest’s cookware last night, and there was plenty to make whatever they decided to cook. Bacon, eggs, and toast would be easy. They could turn the fireplace on in the living room to warm the space up by an extra couple of degrees. They would have breakfast together with lots of coffee and a view that Chester was sure was just as spectacular from the living room. It was going to be great. 

Somewhere in Mike’s consciousness, he felt Chester move. He wasn’t ready to wake up, despite the sunlight that was coming into the bedroom. As long as Chester was in front of him, his eyes were mostly shielded from the light. He felt Chester’s ass snuggle closer to him and Mike rubbed his face against the back of his boyfriend’s neck before burying his face into the pillow. Underneath the blankets was warm, their body heat comfortable as it mingled together. Mike knew it was early just from how his body felt, which was still tired and a little bit sore from being in the car for two days. His arm tightened around Chester’s waist, keeping them snugly tucked together. 

If it were up to Mike, the two of them would sleep until noon. The bed was soft, and even though it was bigger than the one they shared at the apartment, they had slept pressed together all night. He didn’t want to move, and he didn’t want to disturb Cheese. As far as he could tell, the puppy was still sleeping. He hadn’t heard a peep from her. Everything was still and quiet, and now Chester was still. Mike was already falling back to sleep. “Mmmm, babe, you’re so warm,” he mumbled, more into the pillow than into the air. 

“I know. You are, too,” Chester answered through a yawn before he stretched his legs, trying to loosen his muscles. “I know you’re sleeping, but you should see this view. You can see the lake.” He was already petting over Mike’s hand that was wrapped around his naked stomach, sliding his fingers up and down Mike’s fingers, like he was outlining them. He leaned his head back, and twisted his neck, trying to see behind him. He could see more of the open door and the fireplace, than Mike. Their bottom halves were just mounds under the blue and gray blanket. “It’s so quiet,” he whispered. At home, they were always surrounded by noise - by people - and it was an odd feeling to hear absolutely nothing. Not voices. No footsteps. No thumping through the walls, or sirens going off in the distance.

“The view will be there later,” Mike whined, knowing full well that trying to sleep now was a losing battle. Without noticing, he was copying Chester’s stretch, his toes going to the foot of the bed. It felt good to stretch for a moment, but then he curled back up behind Chester. He still didn’t open his eyes as he kissed the back of his neck lightly. “Five more minutes, babe. Then I’ll look all you want.” His hand slid down to the top of Chester’s pajama pants, and Mike dipped the tip of his fingers under the waistband. “So warm.” 

“Mmmm, I _am_ warm. Especially under my clothes,” Chester teased. “You can sleep, but you should keep kissing. My shoulders. They need loooove,” he begged before he grinned to himself, pulling his bottom lip in with his teeth so he wouldn’t laugh. He bucked his hips a little, rubbing his ass against Mike’s crotch as he tangled their legs back up. He knew it was early, and he was being ornery, but he felt good and he wanted to share that feeling. 

“What shoulder. This shoulder?” Mike whispered, trailing his lips down Chester’s neck and across to one bare shoulder. The sleep fog was already starting to wear off, especially when Chester’s small ass caught his sleeping dick’s attention. It wasn’t easy to stay comfortably lazy with his boyfriend in his arms, wiggling against him. Mike’s fingers dared to go a little lower, playing with the soft skin of Chester’s lower belly. “Maybe you meant this shoulder.” Very slowly he kissed back across to the other shoulder that was half hidden under the pillow. “I can’t reach it.” 

“Yeah, that shoulder. Hang on,” Chester said, his voice low and intimate. He rolled, pulling out of Mike’s arms and ending up flat on his stomach. He turned his head to see the surprised look that was now on Mike’s face. “Come over here and kiss my shoulders,” he said before he kicked the blanket down a bit, showing off his back, and the top part of his pajama pants. He spread his legs open and lifted his hips off the bed, before bringing them down. Then again and again, like he was humping the mattress in slow motion. He curled one hand into the sheets, but his other reached over and slid up under Mike’s t-shirt, getting his first feel of his warm skin. “Your shirt might get in the way. You better take it off first.” 

Sexy instructions were the kind Mike could follow without a second thought, and he sat up, ready to pull off his t-shirt, but the full on view of the outside through the giant windows distracted him briefly. “Oh, wow, Ches, you were right. The view is amazing.” He could see the lake framed by the frosty trees and landscape, and instantly he hoped for snow. He yanked off his t-shirt and tossed it over the side of the bed, not caring where it landed. Chester was peeking at him as his arms went up under his pillow, leaving all the shoulders for Mike to kiss. “It’s almost as good as the view in the bed.” 

Mike climbed over, caging Chester under his body with his hands and knees, moving his head to the shoulder that hadn’t been kissed yet. He took his time leaving small wet pecks over Chester’s skin with his eyes closed before he let himself drop down to snuggle his cock between Chester’s butt cheeks. “Oh, God, this is the only way I want to wake up, ever.” He kissed along the back of Chester’s hair as his hips started to match his lover’s gentle thrusts. 

“Fuck, yeah, Sexy Boy,” Chester hummed. With every move of his hips, Mike’s weight followed him down and back up. He could already feel his lover’s growing erection poking him through his pajama bottoms. “I love your lips,” Chester said, before he shoved the pillow out of the way. The side of his face was pressed against the sheets, his fingers curled in tight as their bodies moved together. “Your lips, your cock. Fuuuck,” he groaned. His dick was getting hard, and rubbing himself against the mattress was sending tingles through him at a higher rate. Mike’s wet lips on his skin was helping, too. Chester lifted his hips a little higher, and Mike’s return thrust was a little more aggressive in return. They both had too many clothes on for this, but Chester didn’t want to stop to shed them. Not yet. 

Mike rolled his hips a little more against Chester’s backside. He was fully awake now, lifting his head to look at the needy expression on Chester’s face. “Good morning,” he whispered, leaning closer to kiss the side of Chester’s face, then over to his ear and then behind it. His back felt cold, but he knew if they were really headed down the morning sex road, the blankets wouldn’t be necessary in a few minutes. They’d have a whole different kind of body heat working for them. He braced his knees into the mattress and kept his upper body balanced on one elbow so he could run his free hand down Chester’s spine. “I think someone woke up feeling naughty this morning.” He leaned over again and gave the sexy space between Chester’s neck and shoulder a little nip with his teeth.

“I think it’s all the privacy. No one is on the other side of the wall,” Chester husked, scraping his nails into the bed. “It feels like it’s been awhile since we did this in the morning. You’re always rushing off to class.” Chester stuck his left hand under himself. His cock was dripping as they humped in unison and he needed to touch himself. He shoved his hand down the front of his pajama pants, before he said, “Stop for a second.” He felt Mike’s weight lift off him, and Chester shoved his pajama pants and underwear down, as far as he could reach. It left his ass on display. “Okay,” he panted over his shoulder, twisting his head and puckering his lips. He wanted a kiss, and he was banking on Mike to pick up the hint.

One of Mike’s hands went right to Chester’s sexy ass in the air, cupping his fingers around one cheek as he leaned forward again. Thoughts of where the lube might be drifted across his mind as his fingers played over Chester’s skin and their lips met. He felt Chester latch onto his bottom lip greedily, despite the awkward position. It was a few hot seconds of back and forth before Mike broke the kiss, sliding his hand down the back of Chester’s thighs until he could grab the pajama pants. “Let’s get these off.” He pulled at them, ready for Chester to lift his knees so he could get him naked. 

Chester didn’t argue. He moved as Mike directed, and watched as his pajama pants and underwear went sailing to the other side of the bed. He could feel the cooler air down his thighs and the small of his back, and it felt good. He kicked away the rest of the blanket with one foot as he slowly wiggled his ass, ready to feel Mike back up against him. “I miss you,” he said, looking back with a slight gasp in his voice before he started touching himself again, his eyes sliding closed. His dick was needy, and he was in no mood to deny it. He was ready for pleasure - to feel his boyfriend inside of him - and then they could spend the rest of the day exchanging all the soft kisses and words while they relaxed. He was going to make Mike extra bacon, and maybe pancakes, too, to go with the eggs instead of toast. Whatever his lover wanted. 

Mike giggled softly as he admired a needy, naked Chester in front of him. “I’m literally right here,” he offered, backing away. “But we need lube, and it’s not in here.” He lightly slapped Chester’s ass, climbing off the bed on the opposite side from where Cheese was sleeping. Nothing would ruin the mood like waking up the dog. “Don’t you get too far without me,” he teased, headed for the bathroom and the bag that held their toiletries, a little shiver from the cold air going down his spine.

It took less than ten seconds of rummaging for him to come up with the bottle, and he was on his way back to the bed. Mike stopped as he came out of the bathroom. It didn’t matter how many times he walked in on Chester Bennington - naked, on his hands and knees, and stroking himself - it _always_ got Mike’s heart racing. He loved the toned calves and thighs, the small ass, the muscles in Chester’s back and arms, and all of the tattoos that were so familiar now he could probably draw them without looking. He loved the sight of Chester waiting for him, and Chester wanting him, his skin highlighted by the morning sun. He was going to ravish his boyfriend this morning with the wintery sunlight coming through the windows and no reason to be quiet. 

“You’re beautiful,” Mike said softly as he looked at him, ready to get rid of the rest of his pajamas and join Chester on the bed. 

It was sad when Mike left the bed, but Chester was all grin when he saw his boyfriend reappear. Chester was breathing with his mouth open as he watched his lover toss the bottle of lube on the bed, and then step out of his pajamas and underwear. “Take it all off, Sexy Boy,” Chester said, before he raised himself up properly, his chest coming off the mattress. He was still on all fours, watching, his tongue hanging out of his mouth as he visualized the next few minutes. The feel of a sweaty, hot Mike Shinoda on his back. Mike’s beard scraping against his skin, and how good that was going to feel. The way he knew Mike would grab his hips, and the ultimate feeling of his bottom being full once they really started to get going. 

It was enough to make his cock twitch and pulse, his pre-cum dripping onto the sheets under him. “Come on, you maniac,” he said, momentarily keeping his hands down, and not stroking himself. “You make me so hot. Look at me. I’m a mess over here, all because of you.”

Mike climbed onto the bed on his knees, crawling right up behind Chester immediately. It was apparent that long, drawn out foreplay wasn’t in the cards for this morning. Chester was ready, despite having just woken up, and Mike’s body hadn’t needed to be convinced. He was just as hard, sliding his hands down the front of Chester’s thighs and back up to stroke his cock and cup his balls while his own erection prodded at Chester’s ass. “You are something else this morning,” he decided, his voice husky with sleep and desire. “Better tell me now if you don’t want to be holding onto the headboard, because the message I’m getting is you want me _hard_.” He slid his thumb over Chester’s leaking slit and hummed. “You want me _deep_ , don’t you?” He opened his eyes to spot the lube. He wouldn’t even have to bend over far to get it.

“Do we have a headboard?” Chester asked reflexively before he lifted his head to look. “We do!” He’d been so tired last night that he hadn’t even noticed the very sturdy looking headboard that was a mix of wood and iron rails, which equaled perfect for holding onto. He let out a long breath before he looked over his shoulder. Mike’s hair was in his face, and just in that moment, he felt Mike’s thumb hit a sensitive spot on his dick, and Chester moaned. His eyes shut immediately as his hips bucked on their own. “Deep,” he managed to say, his head dropping as he moaned again. “God, Mike, I want you. I’ll stay right here, or grab the headboard.” He spread his legs a little more. 

It had been a long time since they’d had a really wild romp, and Chester knew the reason was a mix of things. Ever since the collar incident, Mike had been trying to be more tender in bed, always letting the love shine through. It was something that was needed, and Chester deeply appreciated it. It had been healing. But sometimes it was fun to go wild on each other, too, knowing the love was always there, and that was the place Chester had woken up in. They could be loud. They could get a little rough, a little aggressive, and he knew love was behind all of it. It was a reassuring feeling, something he hadn’t felt in months, maybe longer. He wasn’t sure where it had come from, but he liked it. 

Mike bit his bottom lip and nudged Chester forward with his body. “Headboard,” he whispered, letting go to reach for the lube. He watched Chester wiggle forward with an impatient whine. He snapped the bottle top open with a pop and scooted closer, opening Chester’s knees up with his own. The lube was cold on his fingers when he squirted it on to his hand, and he knew it would be a bit of a shock. Mike rubbed his thumb over his fingers quickly, hoping the friction would warm the lube a little before he reached down to find Chester’s opening. He kissed a straight line down his lover’s spine as he prodded one finger inside, surprised at how easily he was in up to the second knuckle. “Fuck, this isn’t going to take long, is it?” 

“No,” Chester agreed. His insides were ansty, and he wasn’t sure how to control them. He was latched to the headboard, his eyes closed, his head dropping as Mike’s finger went in and out. “It feels so good,” he voiced without a care of how loud he was being. “Stretch me good, Sexy Boy. I want all of you when we’re ready.” He picked his head up to look over his shoulder, and for a split second, they made eye contact. “I love you,” he stated, even though it wasn’t necessary. “And I know you love me. Let’s have fun.” 

Mike paused for a split second, unsure how to take that. “Of course I love you,” he stated, leaning forward to leave a kiss on Chester’s cheek. He nuzzled his face to Chester’s ear, and then lined his neck and shoulders with kisses as he pulled out to go back in with two fingers. Chester was already rocking against his fingers as Mike pushed and pulled, and scissored them too. Most of the time they only used two fingers, though occasionally Chester would ask for three, and Mike took to heart the instruction to _stretch me good_ that had been given. He was already breathing hard against Chester’s back, his cock occasionally coming into contact with the back of his thigh as they moved together. One of his hands went around to tease Chester’s cock again while he fingered him, and without asking, Mike pulled up under the rim of the mushroom head while he wiggled three fingers inside his boyfriend. 

The third digit was always a stretch, and it came with a slight burn. Chester’s teeth clenched, his hands squeezing the railing on the headboard as he breathed. Mike’s hand was pumping his cock, all while his fingers moved in and out, open and close. It was a lot, and Chester’s entire bottom zipped with sensation. He pushed back, up against Mike’s hand, and he was pretty sure he felt Mike’s wet tip try to nudge its way in, too. “Uhhhh, Sexy Boy,” he slurred like he was drunk. “I’m ready. Fuck, three fingers are good...but you’re better.” 

Mike was careful pulling his fingers out, then he leaned over for the lube. The air hissed between his teeth when he slathered the cold lube over himself. “Hold on tight,” he said, tossing the bottle down and getting his cock lined up. It had been forever since they’d done this, and Mike’s insides were a mix of excited and anxious as he felt his tip instantly slip right inside Chester. He’d done a good job stretching and it wasn’t difficult to inch in a little further, both of his hands going right to Chester’s hips. There was a short series of starts and stops, and not once did he hear the words “stop” or “wait” come from his lover’s mouth. Chester was bent forward, the flames on his forearms visible with his head bowed between them. 

Chester felt Mike’s length, and the further in it went, the more he wanted. The need was strong, and with his anal opening stretched and ready, he could take him in. He held onto the headboard, his weight balanced between his knees and his arms. His muscles in both were tight as Mike’s weight and leverage pushed and pulled. 

It was another minute before he felt his boyfriend make it all the way in. Chester shivered under the sensation of Mike’s hips, thighs, ball sack, and pubic hair brushing against his ass. Mike stayed still, and Chester wasn’t surprised. His insides were quivering, and he knew how much Mike enjoyed feeling that from the inside. Chester loved it, too, when their positions were reversed. It was an intimate moment of pure connection, and Chester rode it out until his insides settled a little. He pushed back against Mike’s body, silently begging for more movement. 

Mike knew the unspoken signal, but he took another few seconds to appreciate the warmth of Chester’s body and the way it squeezed all around him. “You feel so fucking good,” he whispered near Chester’s ear before he started to move, setting up a slow rhythm for a few strokes. It didn’t last long. The way Chester was moaning had Mike tightening his hands on Chester’s hips, pulling him back each time he thrust forward. The conscious effort to hold back a little was slipping away in the euphoria of how good it all felt. His face went right to the space between Chester’s neck and shoulder, his muscle memory wanting something to grab onto, to bite. All that was there was the warm expanse of Chester’s skin, and Mike nipped at it with his teeth, his body blitzing with the remembered sensations of how he used to do that all the time. 

Mike’s teeth on Chester’s skin wasn’t unwelcomed, not in the middle of sex. Not when their bodies were needy and covered in sweat already. The bed was shaking, and Chester’s hold on the headboard had his knuckles turning white as he fought against Mike’s pull to his hips. It was vaguely reminiscent of the handcuff scene they’d done at YRS, when Mike had gotten too rough and left bruises on him. But Chester shoved that flashback away instantly. This was nothing like that. He could let go of the headboard any time he needed to. He could tell Mike to slow down, to stop, to go faster. He wasn’t blindfolded - lost in the dark while he was consumed. His eyes were open, taking in the light of the sunshine coming through the windows, and the sight of his hands gripped to the headboard, and he was thankful it was sturdy. 

“Yes!” Chester screamed, and he really let it come out. There was no reason to hold it in. “Fuck, yes, Mike!” He spread his knees further apart, and he felt Mike’s dick go in deeper. He stretched his neck, giving more space for Mike’s teeth, moaning every time he felt them against his skin. Adrenaline was overriding any kind of pain or unpleasant feeling, and they weren’t even at the end yet. Chester could feel his orgasm, his balls getting tighter the harder Mike shoved inside of him. 

The longer they went the less Mike was thinking about all of the things he deliberately kept at the forefront when they were intimate, no matter who was on top. His fingers went tighter on Chester’s hips, his teeth nipped a little bit harder. His thrusts were pushing Chester closer to the headboard, but Chester was enthusiastically embracing his more aggressive side this morning, and Mike was there for it. The tension was pooling in his belly as he used his leverage to pound into his boyfriend, pulling him in tight against his hips with every thrust. Chester’s knees were spread about as far as they could get, and Mike was living up to the hard and deep he’d promised earlier.

In the corner of his mind he could hear the rattle of the bed frame. Chester was holding on still, even though Mike had him bent forward. “Let go,” he growled, gratified when Chester responded immediately, his upper half sinking to the mattress. Mike yanked his hips up, close and tight, and leaned over more, the angle letting him slide deeper inside. “Ah, fuck yes!” He kept one hand on Chester’s hip but the other snaked up under his body, diagonally across his chest, to grab the opposite shoulder. Chester couldn’t go anywhere. He was locked into Mike’s embrace while he kept moving, his thighs burning with exertion and sweat dotting his hairline. 

Chester was pinned to the mattress under Mike’s weight, inside his hold. Mike’s thrusts were hard, and getting faster as the seconds ticked away, and Chester’s ass was going numb with the sensation. His eyes shut as he clutched the sheets. He felt his head spin behind his eyes as Mike’s angle changed just a little. Chester wasn’t sure it was possible, but he felt Mike’s cock go the tiniest bit deeper. His mouth opened as he moaned, as slobber leaked onto the bed. “I’m...I’m going to come,” he said, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to stop it, or slow it down. “Fuck, I’m going to come!” 

Chester’s eyes rolled back into his head as he felt the release hit his balls as Mike’s pace sped up even more, his cock going in deep and hard all the way through Chester’s orgasm. There was a flash behind his eyes, like fireworks had popped right in front of him in that moment when his semen rushed from his balls to his cock, and then out into the world. He felt the warm smear, the tension that had been wound so tight let go in two waves worth of release. 

Mike felt every contraction, every quake of Chester’s orgasm, and it was a sensation he would never be tired of. The way his lover’s body latched onto his cock was one of the most satisfying feelings he experienced. It was always hard to hold his own back at that point, to let Chester finish, and this morning he just couldn’t do it. Before Chester’s body calmed Mike felt his release coming, the pulse of his insides and the tightness of his balls before the floodgates burst. His mouth dropped open in a long moan and he held Chester close, his hips slowing slightly as he came. Mike’s body was shaking as he held on tight, pulling Chester into him while his cum shot into his boyfriend uninhibited. The sensation was heightened by the tremors still rocking Chester’s body, and for Mike it was over too soon, the crashing waves slowing to a gentle stop.

As soon as the pressure around his cock eased up he all but collapsed on top of Chester, his legs tense and tired and his heart beating furiously. He was hot and sweaty, and stuck to his lover’s skin, but he didn’t care. “Good God, Ches,” he panted, rubbing his face against the back of Chester’s hair. He could smell the sex in the air and Chester’s warm skin, the beach and peaches and his own coconut scent all mixed together. 

Chester was lost somewhere in euphoria. His body was tingling as he came down. His heart was pounding, his chest still smashed into the mattress. With Mike’s weight on top of him, he couldn’t hold them up anymore, and his legs completely slipped out from under him. They sank all the way down together. “If I didn’t say it earlier,” Chester said through pants of air, “good morning.” 

He shut his eyes while he waited. He was hot and sticky and he needed Mike to move. He was hoping his boyfriend would do that on his own, but when he didn’t, Chester flung one arm up, trying to reach him. “I love you, but we have to get up. You’ve crushed me, Sexy Boy.” A second later they heard a small growl, and then a bark from beside the bed, and then the blankets were being tugged at. “And Cheese is up.” He stretched his other arm out, it wasn’t quite long enough to reach the side of the bed. “It’s okay, Cheese. We’ll go out in a minute.” 

“Unngghh, the dog,” Mike whined, gathering the small amount of strength he had left to lift himself up. He felt his skin peel away from Chester’s and he reached down to help carefully pull out after a whispered warning to hold still. As soon as their bodies were separated Mike flopped down on his back, his spent cock flopping to the side with him. He closed his eyes, and when that didn’t block out enough light, slung his arm over his face. He could hear Cheese’s little whines and reminders that she was down on the floor, and needing to pee. “Join the club,” he mumbled to the puppy. The air was starting to feel chilly around him, and all he really wanted to do was pull up the blanket and go back to sleep.

Chester was on his stomach, in a pool of his own cum. He wasn’t looking forward to moving, and he allowed himself the extra moment before he actually did. His body was quickly getting cooler by the second, all his heat having left his body when he’d orgasmed. “I’m so glad we have a washer and a dryer,” he mumbled, before he lifted up. “I’m so gross,” he complained to himself. The moment he was up, he felt the cool air of the bedroom attack his sticky stomach. 

He carefully twisted around to sit. His bottom was sore, but he felt good. Exhilarated. He reached over and playfully patted Mike on his leg. “I’ll take her out. I just need to clean up.” He scooted to the end of the mattress. The moment his feet were on the floor, Cheese was all over him, and he laughed. “You know, I could probably take her out naked and no one would even see me.” It was a giddy thought that made him laugh before he stood up. He groaned, not bothering to hide it, before he stumbled his way into the bathroom, the puppy right behind him. 

“I know, I know. Give me, like, three minutes,” he begged her as he went straight for the toilet. He emptied his bladder, and then over at the sinks he turned on the warm water. It was a quick scrub down with the hand towel hanging close by. He washed over his stomach, and his lower parts. He dabbed it over his neck, wincing a little when it hit a sensitive spot. He turned, trying to see it under the bright lights over the mirror. “Sexy Boy! You left teeth marks on me!” he called, eyeing what little bit of the red mark he could see. It would probably bruise, and that was okay. Chester had invited it to happen, and he had no regrets. 

He headed to the closet next, all with Cheese pawing at his leg. “I’m going. I’m going,” he told her. “Almost there, Cheesy Girl.” He grabbed a clean pair of underwear from the dresser, and a pair of black jeans. He pulled both on and then reached for one of his Score long sleeved shirts - a simple white number, with a green collar and matching breast pocket. He snagged a pair of sneakers, and headed back to the bed. He sat down, pulling them on quickly. “Don’t pass out,” he instructed over his shoulder. “I’m taking Cheese out and then I’ll be making coffee and eggs and bacon and pancakes. Fuck I’m starving.” His voice was on cloud nine as he stood up. “Come on, Cheesy Girl. Let’s go.” He headed out of the bedroom, the puppy running to keep up. 

Guilt skidded across Mike’s thoughts as he listened to them go, not only from not getting up to take care of the dog, but he’d heard Chester mention the teeth marks. It had been a long time since he’d left marks on Chester, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. _He said it was okay. But he used to say it was okay before, when it wasn’t okay. How do I know that it’s really okay?_

He lifted the arm over his eyes and scratched his head, then down the side of his face, before he scratched at his belly. It would bother him all day if he didn’t say _something_ , but he wasn’t sure exactly what to say yet. He _did_ know that laying in the bed while Chester cooked breakfast wasn’t going to work, though. Mike sat up and stretched his arms over his head, a shiver drifting over his skin. He was going to get up and get dressed, and join Chester in the kitchen. _He mentioned pancakes. I can make the pancakes while he makes the bacon and eggs._

At least he had part of a plan, and Mike got up to go to the bathroom. Despite the bright sunlight in the bedroom, the white bathroom seemed extra bright, and he squinted as he took care of his business and cleaned up, then brushed his teeth. The pajamas he’d worn to bed were good enough, and he scooped them off the floor to put them back on with a fresh pair of boxers and a pair of socks. He loved the colder weather and the layering, and his thoughts skipped to the fireplace in the living room, the idea of eating in front of the fire coming next. Mike stopped on the way across the bedroom, looking at the bed and the wet spot they’d made. He would have pulled up the sheets and blankets quickly, but he knew Chester would strip the mattress and wash the sheets after breakfast, so he just shrugged and walked into the living room.

Chester and Cheese were on their way in when he stepped out, and Cheese bee lined to Mike the moment she saw him. “Hey, pupper, you’re all awake and feisty this morning! Kind of like somebody else I know!” Mike bent down and scooped up the puppy, laughing as she wiggled in his arms and licked at his face. 

Chester pulled off his black and pink hoodie, and hung it on the wooden peg by the door, where they’d both stashed their coats the night before. He shivered as he blew warm air into his hands on his way to the kitchen. “It must be something in the water,” he laughed, flashing Mike a soft smile. He was just at the stove, getting ready to start setting up his work station, when he caught the view out of the massive windows. “Oh, look,” he said, as he pointed. He could see the lake, and the trees, and the beginning of blue sky as the clouds moved away. He’d caught a glimpse of the lake outside, but they had been on the wrong side of the house to really get an eye full, his attention had mostly been on Cheese anyway as he’d begged her to hurry because it was cold.

He stepped around the island, and made his way back across the living room to stand in front of the windows. “This is better than the ocean,” he decided. “Look at these trees...I’m so used to seeing palm trees all the time. But these are huge! Forrest says they’re cedar trees. They’re massive.” 

“They have to be, to hold up to the snow.” Mike let Cheese down, and she was off to the kitchen. It was funny to watch her bounce back and forth between the two of them. He followed, stopping behind Chester and wrapping his arms around his waist from behind. “I love you,” he whispered close to his ear, kissing Chester softly before he leaned back and used one finger to pull back the collar of his shirt. It was a quick moment of inspection, and Mike found the mark he’d left. He kissed it softly, too, and sighed. “Sorry about that,” he whispered. “I hope it doesn’t hurt.” 

Chester let his weight lean against Mike. “It does a little, but it will go away. By this afternoon, I’ll forget it’s there.” He shut his eyes for a moment, before he turned and wrapped his arms around Mike’s neck. He joined their lips, soft and slow - the total opposite from what they had just done in the bedroom. He feathered his fingers over the back of Mike’s neck before pulling one hand around to cup his face as they parted. He smoothed his fingers through Mike’s beard, staring right into his dark eyes, and he could see them searching. When he’d invited the wild romp and coaxed them both into a hard and fast morning, he hadn’t thought about the repercussions when it came to Mike until now. “Don’t be worried,” Chester said, leaning forward to kiss the side of Mike’s worried lips. “And I _mean_ that. We’re going to have so much fun while we’re here, Mike. I’m so excited for it.” He smiled before he asked if his lover was hungry, even though he knew the answer to that. 

“I’m always hungry,” Mike answered, letting go when Chester pulled away. Part of him knew he had to trust Chester when he said not to worry, but it was hard to just dismiss his concern. He knew they had both done that so many times in the past, and the lingering idea that maybe he’d gone too far left him feeling unsettled. “What if I help?” he offered. “I’ll make the pancakes, and you’re on eggs and bacon duty.” He offered Chester a quick smile and looked down at Cheese, who had her head cocked to the side and was whining as she pawed at his sock covered foot. “Oh, and I’ll feed Cheese.” 

“Okay,” Chester agreed easily as he moved around the kitchen, getting out mixing bowls and a pan for the bacon. “We should turn the fireplace on,” he mentioned before he went to the refrigerator. “I’m making extra of everything. I’m so hungry. Ugh, I want syrup on all of it. The eggs, the pancakes, the bacon.” He licked his lips as he pulled one thing after another out and left them on the counter. “And just think, this kitchen is so big, we can both be in here and not be tripping over each other. And coffee!” He decided suddenly as he left the refrigerator alone to go to the pantry instead. Coffee needed to come first, before he started with the bacon. He glanced across the space to see Mike digging Cheese’s things out of her bag. “What do you want to do after we eat? Take Cheesy Girl on an adventure walk?” 

Mike carefully measured and poured the right amount of puppy food into Cheese’s dish as she hovered close and whined. “Sorry, don’t want to overfeed you. No obese puppies, silly.” He stepped back and watched in amusement as Cheese attacked the food. It reminded him of the way he felt if he went too long between meals. “I’m all for a walk. I want to see all around this place, it seems really awesome. I want to see if she can explore without a leash without running away.” He set the bag of puppy food to the side and went to the sink to wash his hands. It was hard to stop from gazing out the window in awe. The landscape was beautiful. 

Chester already had the coffee pot set and ready to go before he went back to getting things ready to assemble. “Maybe not the first time. I bet we can go on a walk every day and not go to the same place twice.” He grabbed the pancake mix from the cabinet and set it on the counter close to Mike before digging in one of the drawers to find a mixing spoon. “But maybe after a day or two, when it’s not all so strange we can let her off. Especially around the yard and on the porch.” 

They worked in silence for a few minutes before Chester stepped over and kissed Mike’s cheek. “I love your pancakes,” he whispered, before walking around him, gently trailing his hand over Mike’s ass on his way to the fireplace. “I’m turning this on.” He stopped in front of the coffee table where there were a handful of remote controls. It took a minute of inspection before he spotted the one that would spark the fireplace. It was a matter of pushing a button, and the orange and blue flames popped up. “It’s so pretty,” Chester whispered to himself before he left the remote on the coffee table and picked up one of the many magazines that were piled up. It was a fashion magazine he recognized, and he knew when he opened it, he would see photos from an older shoot, one he and Ryan did together. He couldn’t remember which one it would be as he turned and headed back to the kitchen. 

He scanned through the pages quickly, and then stopped, leaning against the bar as he looked down at the photo. It was from a shoot back when they were still living at the loft, and as Chester’s memory ticked back through time, he was pretty sure it was the last shoot he and Ryan had done before they went to San Francisco. Right before everything had exploded. He sighed as he gazed over the glossy photo. There he and Ryan were, kissing roses while they stood in front of each other in their Score shirts and jeans. Chester looked up. He was pretty sure this was one he’d never shown Mike, since it wouldn’t have come out until after their breakup had happened. But it was more than that. He knew that, at the time, the ad would have caused another fight, or his boyfriend would’ve said something demeaning about the ad. _But he hasn’t been like that lately. Since he started school and we started over, he’s said nice things about the ads I show him now._

It was hard to understand exactly why Mike had been so harsh over his work at Score, and yet had argued so completely for Chester to not give it up. One thing Chester knew for sure, when it came to their journey moving forward, Score was part of that puzzle. “Look,” he said, tentatively as he turned the magazine around so Mike could see it. “It’s one of our old ads. This was a long time ago, right before I went up to San Francisco.” 

Mike flipped a pancake and glanced over. Chester was holding out a magazine, and Mike could see a picture of Ryan with Chester, but it was hard to make out exactly what he was looking at. “I can’t see, come closer.” He waited until Chester was at his side and got a more detailed look. It was a simple picture of the two of them from the side, their profiles set against a dark background, kissing black roses while they stared into each other eyes. Mike inspected it for a moment. No matter how hard he tried, he still wasn’t a fan of ads like this one, and he knew it was his personal issues and nothing Chester had done. If the past months had taught him anything, it was that Chester had been a complete professional at work. He could feel Chester waiting as he tried to come up with something complimentary to say.

“You know I don’t know anything about fashion, but my artistic eye thinks they might have been making a play off your plugs with the black roses. Those roses look cool with them.” He looked over and smiled at the jewelry in Chester’s ears. “They’re bigger now.” 

It was instinct. Chester reached up to touch one of the black and clear plugs in his ear as he stared down at the picture, trying to mentally compare them. “I think you’re right, they are bigger. And I’m not sure what they were going for.” He cocked his head in thought. “Forrest likes to give narration on shoots, like he tells some made up story to try and get our heads in that place, because he says it brings out honest emotions and expressions and that’s what makes the ads appealing.” He shrugged as he left the magazine open on the counter next to Mike before he stepped around him to grab coffee cups. “I think it was about life and death that day. Like, losing someone you love, but appreciating the living things you still have around you. I don’t know. It’s been months ago now. Ryan liked the flowers. I remember that. I thought it was kinda silly.” 

Mike had his attention on his pancakes. He didn’t even want to touch narration on shoots. It sounded too much like Mark, even though he knew Forrest was nothing like Mark. He scooted two finished pancakes off onto a plate and poured more batter. He was suddenly very aware of the gold medallion under his shirt. “You guys did so many shoots. I wonder what happens to the pictures they don’t use.”

“Some of them are kept for portfolio stuff or website things,” Chester said as he poured Mike’s coffee first. He handed it over, since he took it black. There was nothing more Chester could do for it. “And the rest, I think they get destroyed. The shoots are so individualized, it would be like stealing. Like that one,” he explained as he poured his cup next. “If some company three years from now says, ‘I like this picture, do you have anymore?’ Forrest can’t sell them because that whole aethstetic was already used in the photos they did pay for. The imagery and set up. Forrest calls it something…” He put the coffee pot back on the burner as he turned to the refrigerator, trying to recall what his boss had said. “Like, _intellectual property_. I think. It’s the concept. You’re not just buying photos of me, you’re buying the concept that was used when we shot them.” 

“That makes sense.” Mike sipped his coffee while he carefully watched the bubbles slowly pop on the top of his pancakes so he’d know when to flip them. They were both silent for a while, each busy on their own part of making breakfast. Occasionally he reached out to touch his boyfriend - a pat on the side, a slide of his fingers over his back, or a gentle tap to his ass. Mike tried to think back to the last time they’d been able to cook together, but he couldn’t remember. _This is nice, though. The space and this kitchen. I know Ches loves it. I wish we could have this all the time._

The next time Chester was close, Mike pulled him over and kissed his cheek. Instead of the beach, Chester smelled like bacon, and Mike’s stomach rumbled. “I love you. I love you in the kitchen. I love you with Cheese. I love you when you’re in magazines and I love you in our bedroom. I love you _all_ the time.” 

Chester smiled as he returned the sentiment. “I love you all the time, too.” He scooped Mike’s hair back away from his eyes, which looked brighter in the morning sunshine that was currently flooding the entire cabin. Usually Mike’s eyes were almost black, but Chester caught the shade of brown coming out. They were beautiful. “I can’t wait to sit by the fire and feed you bacon.” He petted his fingers over Mike’s beard before sliding them down his neck, where they were met with the gold chain that was under Mike’s shirt but peeking out the back. With one finger, Chester fished it out from under Mike’s collar, looking at the medallion for a few seconds before he let it go. “I miss you helping me in the kitchen. Maybe next year we can get a bigger apartment somewhere. If you would want to live off campus.” He knew what he was suggesting, that he’d just given a hypothetical scenario where they would be living together full time. He didn’t want to tease Mike, but it had been on Chester’s mind. He wasn’t promising tomorrow, but sometime soon. 

Mike sucked in a breath, catching Chester’s hand as it drifted down from the necklace. “Really?” He knew he’d heard what Chester said, but it had been a while since they had talked about moving in together. It didn’t matter that they practically lived together already. The fact that Chester trusted him enough to think of giving up his room at Amir’s hit Mike right in the heart. “I want that, Ches. I’ll live anywhere with you. I can teach more lessons, I’ll do more over the summer. Anywhere you want.” His eyes were all over Chester’s face, searching for any sign that he was going to change his mind. “You say the word, and I’m there.” 

“I think summer might be a nice time to start looking at what’s out there,” Chester answered as his mind thought forward. “If you want to work over the summer, we could save up a down payment.” He stopped, his lips pursing together. Down payments were for houses - real houses like the cabin - not small city apartments, even though the idea of getting a _real_ house together was always intriguing. It would be the house with the huge closet. The house they’d dreamed about together more than once. “I mean a deposit,” he corrected. First things first. Chester was just getting to the point of committing to living together full time, having their names jointly on a mortgage for thirty years was something else. “Maybe something between the campus and Score.” He shrugged. “Or maybe not. Maybe we should stay close to campus because of Cheese.” 

He let out a sigh as he thought about their puppy, who was now at their feet, looking up. “I didn’t say I wanted Cheese,” he teased the dog, looking down. “And no bacon for you, but I’ll get you one of your homemade treats.” He looked back up, not missing the expectant look on Mike’s face. He knew his boyfriend wasn’t ready to leave the conversation, not yet, but there was breakfast to finish. 

“We’ll figure it out when we get there,” Chester promised as he plopped a kiss to Mike’s cheek. “Come on, Sexy Boy, let’s finish this up. I’m starving.”

****  
TBC


	28. Sexy S'mores and Trees

Jason was ready to be home.

He loosened his tie as soon as he got in the Jaguar, his computer bag on the passenger seat and his jacket slung over it. When he started the car, his phone automatically connected, and as he pulled out of the parking lot at his therapist’s office on Tuesday evening, he voice texted Ryan.

**Jason:** _I’m on my way home._

Just saying the word _home_ made Jason’s insides feel lighter. His appointment hadn’t been bad, but there had been some tough questions sprinkled in here and there once Dr. Gibson spotted the blue and silver ring on his finger. Once he’d clarified that he had not, in fact, run out and gotten married in the week since he’d seen her, Jason had filled in the entire story. He started all the way back at Chester calling, his impulse to go to Los Angeles immediately, and the hunt for Ryan. Jason navigated the _why_ and _how_ of that decision with ease when asked. It had been immediate, once he knew Ryan needed help. Jason hadn’t second guessed that decision at all.

It was harder to talk about finding Ryan, the drugs, the flight home and the days afterward. His story-telling slowed down a bit. More questions were asked, and Jason had to think before he answered, trying to put everything in the right order. The first days together in Seattle had been such a mix of worry and relief that it was blurred in Jason’s mind. But he very clearly remembered waiting for the STD test results, and what happened afterward. He didn’t miss how Dr. Gibson’s eyebrow lifted delicately when Jason told her they made love afterwards. 

The one thing she’d asked, and told him to think about before their next session, was _what changed._ Even though he’d been eager to tell her what he thought the moment she asked, Dr. Gibson insisted that he take the week to think it over, write about it, and come to a conclusion. She didn’t shame him for jumping back in head first, for welcoming Ryan into his home or for wearing Ryan’s ring. She only asked, _what changed_ , and Jason knew that he needed to spend some time on that this week.

_I changed_ was what he’d been so quick to want to tell her, but he knew that wouldn’t be good enough. Just saying that he’d changed was almost a cop-out. He had to dig in and dissect it, determine the _why now_ behind it all, when a year ago he’d been so sure Mike was the answer to healing himself and leaving Mark and YRS behind.

Jason shook his head and almost laughed at himself. _To have ever thought Mike was the answer… I’d have never been able to talk to him about any of it. He’s the person who feels nothing but hatred toward Mark. He would have never understood the nightmares. He wouldn’t have wanted to know that I still talk to him in my head sometimes. He would have never been able to cope with the fact that I still loved Mark._

It was true, he was stronger now, but that had been his own doing. It wasn’t because he escaped his past with Mike, and enough time had passed now that Jason knew how flawed that thinking was, anyway. Escape would never be possible, but acceptance had been. And that was what had changed, the _why now_ behind the commitment he and Ryan had made to each other. 

A notification came through, Ryan telling him to be careful coming home, and Jason smiled at the screen on his dash. _Home. This time that commitment is on solid ground because I’m on solid ground. I’ve accepted what happened to me, to Mark, and to Ry, too. The past will never be gone, but I can move away from it. I was wrong to think that Ryan needed to change. I was wrong to think that we weren’t clicking once we were free. The problem was, I wasn’t free. I was still Mark’s. I had to accept the past to be able to accept all of Ryan as what I wanted. I had to let go of Mark to accept who I really am. And who I am, who Ryan is, that’s what I wanted. That’s what changed. Acceptance._

Jason felt accomplished when he pulled into the parking garage. He jotted down the word _acceptance_ in the notes of his phone, ready to write his personal discovery up in his journal later for his appointment next week. That was all he was going to think about the subject for the rest of the night, other than filling Ryan in if he wanted to talk about it. He had other ideas in his head for the two of them that evening. The elevator ride up to the tenth floor had never felt so long, and his keys were in his hand long before he got to the front door. 

He stepped inside to the smell of something cooking, and it brought an even bigger smile to his face. He wasn’t used to coming home to the smell of food anymore. “Ry? You’re cooking?” he called, setting down his bag and walking toward the kitchen where he could see his boyfriend’s back. He was working on his tie knot when Ryan turned around. 

“Hey,” Ryan called, a smile following his words before he twisted to leave his spatula behind. He rounded the bar, and stepped over to Jason with his arms open. They embraced, and Ryan held Jason for an extra few seconds. He hated to admit how hard it was the last two days that Jason had returned to work at the office. It meant Ryan was alone all day in the apartment, with just Blue. The Siamese was good company, but not the same as having a human companion. But Ryan was thankful for her all the same. Jason had been right with what he’d said the first day Ryan had woken up in Seattle - Blue was a good listener. 

She made being alone a little easier, even though Ryan had been through his share of hard moments. He was glad he and Jason had stood at the sink the day before and poured all the alcohol in the house down the drain, otherwise, Ryan was pretty sure he would have drank it already. He hadn’t wanted to call Chester, since he knew he was spending his romantic week with Mike at the cabin. That had left Ryan making multiple phone calls to everyone else he knew both days Jason had been back to work. Talinda, Amir, Devon, and Caleb. He’d even had an hour and a half conversation with Noah, which turned out to be pretty nice. Noah had a big heart, and he was actually nice to talk to. That was something Chester had been right about. 

But for now, the hard part was over. His Jason was home, and Ryan was ready to eat and talk and spend their evening together before bed. He let Jason go and stood back, just far enough to plop a kiss - or two - onto Jason’s waiting lips. “I am cooking,” he said before he headed back into the kitchen. “It’s a recipe Talinda taught me. I hope that’s okay. I went down to the little grocery store on the corner, and they had the stuff. They actually had zoodles!” He spun back around, a wide grin on his face. “And it was like a sign. I’m so bad at trying to make them myself, so this was much easier. And I wasn’t sure if you had a spiralizer or not, and I didn’t want to take the gamble. These are just ready to go.” He grabbed a pair of blue tongs and carefully pulled a pile of green and white noodles up out of the cast iron skillet that was heating on the stove. The entire kitchen was filled with the smell of soy sauce, orange zest, sesame seeds, and something sweet. 

“A… a _what?_ ” Jason asked, tossing his tie onto the bar. He stepped over to look at the skillet, briefly remembering buying it, and looked at the mass of noodles Ryan was showing him. Only they didn’t look like noodles. He pulled the tail of his dress shirt out of his pants and started to unbutton it, right there in the kitchen. “What did you call those? It smells good,” he decided. The smell of soy sauce brought a craving for red wine with it, but Jason knew that wasn’t happening. Not tonight. “I hate Tuesdays,” he also decided quickly as he looked Ryan over. “It’s an extra two hours away from you now.” 

Ryan left the food alone for a moment so he could get two plates down from the cabinet. “Those are zoodles,” he said, nodding back towards the cast iron skillet. “They’re noodles you make out of zucchini. If you make them yourself, you can buy a contraption to help - a spiralizer. Talinda had one. It _hated_ me and I hated it, so we never really got along. But these pre-made zoodles are good,” he said, and then quickly admitted he’d already tried a few. “And these,” he said, holding up a plate that was full of brown squares, “are sweet and spicy crispy tofu. And these I made myself. I cut it all up and browned them, and now they’re going to go in the zoodles.” 

He was already scraping the crispy tofu into the skillet with his spatula when he looked over and caught the odd look on his boyfriend’s face. “I know, I know. I thought about using something else, like beef or pork, but...the only way I know how to make it is with tofu and Talinda’s been in meetings all day, so she couldn’t help me.”

“Is it weird if I say it sounds good?” Jason had his shirt unbuttoned, his white undershirt showing. “I’m going to go up and get out of these clothes, if that’s okay with you. It looks like you’ve got things under control. I’m impressed.” He shot Ryan a smile as he unbuttoned his cuffs, ready to take his shirt off. As he stepped around the bar, he saw Blue sitting up on one of the barstools. Already she had stopped running to greet him the moment he walked in the door, and if her love had gone to anyone but Ryan, he might have been hurt. “Hey, Princess,” he greeted her, stopping to scratch behind her ears. 

“Do as you must, Jason Akio,” Ryan said as he mixed the zoodles and the tofu with the tongs. “This has another few minutes.” He stopped, and twisted around to watch Jason pet Blue. It was one of his favorite sights. Out of all the years he’d known Jason, he’d never seen him interact with a pet before, not until Blue. It was a different side of his boyfriend. A more natural, child-like side that came and went as Blue came and went from room to room with them. “When you get back, I want to hear all about work,” Ryan mentioned with an indulgent smile. It was true. He liked hearing about Jason’s day, partly because he was honestly interested, and partly because his own social life was so lacking at the moment. He was ready to hear if Mary had a good birthday and if Tony was going to get his transfer and if Amanda was ever going to shape up or Jason was going to have to fire her.

Jason was up the stairs quickly and into the bathroom. It was still one of his favorite spaces in the apartment, and even though Ryan was waiting, he didn’t rush. He washed his hands first and then made his way into the closet, humming something he couldn’t place the name of while he picked out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. It amused him that Ryan still got a kick out of seeing him in jeans, and he knew this would be no different. It was second in line of Jason’s favorite things to come out of Ryan’s mouth - hearing _Jason Akio_ was first. He smiled to himself as he dropped his work clothes in the hamper and pulled on the jeans and t-shirt. Other than sweaters and pajama shirts, Ryan hadn’t seen him in a t-shirt, yet, and that was sure to come with another set of lighthearted jokes.

The last thing he did was pull off his black dress socks and drop them in the hamper, electing to go barefoot to dinner. When they got ready to go out later, he’d grab some socks. _If Ry wants to go. He might not. But who says no to Christmas trees?_

While he was sitting in his therapist’s office earlier he suddenly realized that Christmas was already next week. He’d been oblivious to the tree decorated in red and gold in the corner, unwilling to acknowledge he’d be spending the holiday alone. _But I’m not alone. Ry’s here, and we need a tree. And decorations! And stockings, too._ Jason was suddenly very sure that not only did they need a tree, they needed it as soon as possible, and that meant tonight. _Then we can decorate it tomorrow. I’ll be home earlier, and we can have a glass of wine and put on the lights together._

Jason stopped on his way across the bathroom. It was the second time he’d thought about wine in the past ten minutes, and he frowned. _Have I really been drinking that much wine here by myself?_ He turned and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was neatly trimmed, his face barely showing a trace of a five o’clock shadow. There weren’t bags under his eyes, and his skin looked healthy. He didn’t _look_ like someone who was drinking too much, and Dr. Gibson had never questioned his ‘occasional glass’ of wine in the evenings. But he looked himself in the eyes a little longer, and admitted that maybe it was a good thing there was no alcohol in the house right now. It was more than occasionally that he drank, and he needed to both admit and accept that. The last thing he wanted was to turn into someone who _needed_ it, the way Mark had. He was better than that, and he had Ryan. They would look after each other, and they were going to do it from the most healthy place they could. 

The thought of his boyfriend downstairs with dinner ready put a sense of purpose back in his step, and Jason was across the bedroom and headed downstairs quickly. Blue was still on the barstool, watching Ryan, and Jason walked by and picked her up. “Have you eaten?” he asked the cat, and she nuzzled his neck quickly with a short meow. He looked over at Ryan. “I don’t speak kitten, but it sounds to me like you’ve already fed her.” 

“I did,” Ryan said as he used the tongs to put noodles and tofu onto each plate. “She was glaring at me, so I gave in.” He turned the stove off, and walked both plates over to the bar. He stopped, long enough to give his boyfriend a once over. It was still a little unreal that they were here. That it was just the two of them living together in downtown Seattle. _Too bad it’s not downtown L.A._ The thought was sharp, but Ryan only pondered it for a second. Despite his love for Los Angeles, he knew that the physical break from it was a good thing. A healthy thing. And it obviously had been for Jason, too. 

Ryan shook his head before he stepped around the bar and ran his finger down Jason’s bare arm. “Look at this. You’re in a t-shirt,” he said, amusement shooting through him. “I can see your sexy arms.” His one finger turned to his whole hand as he rubbed up and down Jason’s forearm, and up onto his bicep. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you in a t-shirt. Well, not a real t-shirt. Just the white undershirts that you always cover up.” 

Jason grinned and put Blue down on the third barstool before the two of them sat down. “I never knew my clothes would be such a source of entertainment to you. You’ve lived all these years with me in dress pants and shirts. I don’t know how you managed.” He picked up his fork and twirled the zucchini noodles a little. He liked zucchini, and this dish smelled delicious. “Maybe you need to take me clothes shopping sometime. I’ll let you dress me up.” He gave Ryan a sly smile before he tried the zoodles. 

Ryan almost laughed. “I don’t need to dress you up. I think you’re doing a great job. It’s also become really obvious that you can make anything look good...dress pants, jeans, boxers,” he rambled with a shrug before he stood up and crossed the kitchen. He pulled two glasses down from the cabinet. “Do you want some water? Or lemonade? I brought some back from the store.” 

“Oh, lemonade,” Jason requested after he swallowed. “Hey, these zoodle things are pretty good. I’m going to bestow the crown of cook upon you.” He poked a piece of tofu and popped it in his mouth. It was crispy and tasty, too, and he was impressed. “My life of scrambled eggs for dinner is over. Chef Ryan is in the house.”

Ryan did laugh this time as he poured their lemonade. “I wouldn’t go that far. I’m glad you like it, though.” He nodded towards Jason’s plate. “That’s one of, like, three things I learned how to make at Talinda’s. I also make a mean BLT, and an avocado chicken dish.” He smiled as he sat Jason’s glass down in front of his plate before he retook his seat. “And salad,” he added. “I can make a dozen different kinds of salads. I won’t torture you with those though,” he said as he twirled his zoodles onto his fork. “How was work?” 

“It was a good day. I’m caught up from being out.” Jason gave Ryan the run down of the day, the new projects and the ones that had been finished, between bites. He talked about his personnel issues and the people he liked, and it wasn’t long until their plates were empty. “My session was good tonight, too. We talked about you.” He stood up and took both of their plates. “If you’re finished, I’ll rinse the dishes.” 

Ryan sat back in his seat, and motioned over his empty plate that he was done. “You talked about me, huh? I’m sure our...unique reunion probably doesn’t sit well with Dr. Gibson. Did you tell her everything?” he asked, and a flash of shame crossed his stomach as he lowered his eyes to the bar. _Everything_ meant Jason would have retold the story of finding Ryan high and strung out, and not acting nice. He knew it really didn’t matter. He didn’t know Dr. Gibson and would, more than likely, never meet her, but it was still hard to swallow what kind of awful impression such a story would make on her. 

“That’s kind of how therapy works, Ry,” Jason said lightly, rinsing his plate and putting it in the dishwasher. “I don’t think anything I tell her could surprise her at this point. She knows all about Mark. You’ve got a halo comparatively.” He glanced over, intending to give Ryan an indulgent smile, but stopped at the sick looking expression on Ryan’s face. “She’s really good,” Jason said softly, wiping his wet hands on a dish cloth and coming to lean over the bar and take one of Ryan’s hands. “She would never say anything bad about you, and she doesn’t judge. And her questions are to help me with self-reflection.” 

Ryan squeezed Jason’s hand. He had always tried to be a bright spot in Jason’s life - a positive in a world full of negative. It was hard to come to terms with the reality that he hadn’t accomplished that the way he wanted. Between the haphazard living situation at the loft, letting his priorities get screwed up, their breakup, separation, and succumbing to his own demons, Ryan knew that over the last year he hadn’t been much of a positive at all. 

“I’m glad you like her and feel comfortable talking about all that stuff. Especially when it comes to Mark. I know it’s hard,” Ryan offered before he looked down at their hands, his attention going right to Jason’s ring. He brought his thumb out of their embrace to rub over it. Seeing that little piece of blue and silver jewelry on Jason’s finger still held a sense of awe about it. “We’ve been through so much, Jay,” Ryan whispered as he looked up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. “You have no idea how happy I am that we ended up back together. There was always something missing when you weren’t there.” Ryan put his other hand over his heart. “A piece that wasn’t there. I did a lot of stupid things trying to fill that missing piece.” He raised their hands to kiss Jason’s knuckles. “But you’re the only thing that fits.” 

Jason knew exactly what Ryan meant. There was no replacement for their history, for each other, or the future in front of them. To be brought back together, no matter the circumstances or who did what wrong, was proof that they had always been meant for each other. “We _both_ did stupid things, things that we need to forgive ourselves for and accept to be able to move forward together. I don’t hold any of it against you, Ry. And I hope you won’t, either. Against yourself, or me.” 

“I’m a lot tougher on me than I am on you,” Ryan admitted with a sigh. “But I agree. I’m so looking forward to moving on together. We already have,” he amended before he let Jason’s hand go. “So what’s on our agenda for tonight? I know I looked dressed,” he said, standing up and pointing over his dark jeans and black muscle shirt. “But I’ve already had a shower, so I have all the time in the world for whatever you’re up for.” 

The cat meowed in that same second, as she hopped across the barstools to get to Ryan’s empty seat. She sat down and looked up, purring. “You crazy thing,” Ryan laughed as he reached out to scratch over her ears and under her chin. “Every time I get up you try and take my spot. Guess there’s no seat saving with you around.”

“Well,” Jason said, straightening up, “I had a thought earlier, and I don’t want you to say no. I mean, you can, but I hope you don’t.” He rounded the bar and met Ryan, flinging his arms around his neck playfully. “You might want more than this shirt on, though. And you might need another shower. I wanted to go out… and get a Christmas tree.” He pulled back enough to see Ryan’s eyes. “Please, Ry? Christmas is in a few days, and we don’t have anything! It’s our first Christmas together, baby.” His voice had dwindled to a whisper as he leaned in and caught Ryan’s lips for a kiss. 

Ryan’s arms laced instinctually around Jason’s small waist as their kiss went a little deeper. He leaned in, pulling Jason up against him for just a few seconds before their lips parted. “I’d love a Christmas tree. And you’re right. It will be the first time we’ve gotten to celebrate together. Really together.” A pressed another soft kiss to Jason’s lips before he let him go and stepped back. “Where are we going to put it? Do you want a real tree or one of the fake ones?” He scanned the living room. No matter what they picked out, it would look fantastic by the fireplace, with the snowy Seattle cityscape in the background. But they’d have to scoot the couch and coffee table over a little. 

He looked back at Jason, who seemed ready to burst. Ryan wanted to kiss him again, but he controlled himself as he said, “We should get some lights, too, if you want. Or stockings. Hmmmmm…” His thoughts trailed off as he tried to remember the last proper Christmas he’d had, and they went all the way back to the last year he’d lived at home. “I haven’t had a stocking for Christmas since before my mom died. Or a tree. I’m an adult, a 25 year old man, and I’ve never had my own Christmas tree.” 

Even though there was always a large, elegantly decorated tree on display at the YRS mansion for all the years Ryan had worked there, that had never felt like anything more than a pretty ornament in a house full of pretty things. During their six months at the loft, they’d spent Christmas together, but it had been not long after Mark’s funeral, and no one had been in the right mindset to celebrate with trees and decorations, not there was any room at the loft even if they’d wanted to. Christmas last year had come down to a few exchanged gifts and Chester’s homemade Christmas treats - fudge, cookies, and a nice dinner he cooked for all of them on Christmas Eve. But it was a Christmas for four, not for two. Not just for him and Jason, and that was going to make all the difference this year, and every year to come. 

“A real tree,” Jason said firmly. “I haven’t had one in so long. And they’re so much better than the fake ones. The smell… it’s to die for. I know we’ll find the perfect one.” He stopped, looking over at Blue. “Damn, Ry, I didn’t think about Blue. She might climb up in it.” His visions of pretty glass ornaments suddenly came to a halt. They would have to find decorations that were pet safe, and that was all there was to that. He could sacrifice style for his baby cat. “We’ll find some decorations that work. And stockings, yes! I was thinking about that, we’ll get one for Blue, too.” He was excited, and ready to go back out into the cold Seattle evening. “Let’s go, we need something heavier to wear out to the tree… place. Farm? It’s a tree farm,” he decided, heading for the stairs. 

Ryan was right behind him. “Maybe we can find a blue stocking for Blue,” he teased as they went up the staircase, one after the other. “And hopefully she won’t climb the tree. She’ll probably try, but maybe we can get her to understand she needs to leave it alone.” 

They were up the stairs and in the bedroom, rounding the bed to walk through the bathroom to get to the closet before Ryan said, “I’ve never been to a tree farm. We’ll have to Google it and find the closest one. I bet we can get them to deliver it, if you don’t want a tree strapped to the roof of your Jag.” He cocked his head, just as he was pulling a long sleeved shirt off a hanger. “Or the Lotus. Uh, my poor baby. She’ll get sap all over her.” 

Jason already had his t-shirt off and had a sweater in his hands when he turned around, his mouth agape. “I didn’t think about that. We can’t put a tree on either of our cars. I hope they can deliver.” His shoulders sagged for a moment. Mark had never wanted a real tree. They were too messy, and Jason had picked out a monstrous top of the line fake tree, trying to get as close to the “real” look as he could. The last real tree he remembered was with his parents, and it was true like Ryan said. It had been strapped to the top of their modest family SUV and brought home. That was years and years ago, and Jason had somehow forgotten that part. “I guess if they can’t, we’ll settle for a fake one. But I really want the smell of a real one. We can put it by the windows.”

He stepped over closer to Ryan in the large closet. “Just think, Ry. Sitting by the fire, with the smell of the tree, and hot chocolate… with the marshmallows _in_ the cup, this time.” He petted his hand over the front of Ryan’s shirt and looked at him through his lashes. “Maybe save a few for later, though.” 

Ryan slung his long sleeved shirt over his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around Jason instead. His hands dropped down to squeeze his ass. “In the cup?” he whined playfully. “That’s no fun.” He leaned his head down to kiss up Jason’s neck, and then under his earlobe. It was tempting to stay there in the closet - in their home - that was warm and inviting and make out instead. There was hot chocolate and marshmallows in the kitchen. They could go make that part of the plan happen right now. 

But it wouldn’t be the same as the picture Jason had painted, with the Christmas tree by the windows, and the scent of pine needles in the air. Nothing less would do, which meant one thing, and one thing only: they needed to stay on task. 

Ryan kissed the shell of Jason’s ear before he whispered, “Come on, Jason Akio. Let’s get dressed and then go find your tree. _Our_ tree.”

Every time Ryan said _Jason Akio_ it sent a twinge of excitement through Jason’s body, and this was no exception. “I love you so much,” he breathed, stepping back to pull his sweater on. “You’re in charge of picking the tree place. You can navigate.” He watched Ryan nod before he picked up his boots. Jason’s blood was pumping with excitement. He couldn’t wait to go to the tree farm and hold hands while they discussed the merits of each tree before they picked one together. Then they’d go somewhere to pick out decorations, and there they could hold hands as well. The idea of being with Ryan in public was exhilarating. “I’m ready,” he decided, grabbing a jacket from his side of the closet and folding it over his arm. 

Ryan tugged his long sleeve shirt into place before he stepped over to his dresser. He fished out the black and gray scarf and thick beanie he’d been given in New York. It was too warm in the apartment to put on the beanie, but the scarf went around his neck before he stated that his leather jacket was downstairs, hanging on one of the hooks by the front door. 

He followed Jason out of the closet, and back downstairs, typing in his phone as he went to find the nearest tree farm. “Looks like there’s three in Seattle. The next closest one is in Redmond.” He scanned over the stars each place had, and picked the one at the top. It had five star reviews and was family owned. 

“Sounds like a plan,” Jason said, scooping up his wallet and phone from where he’d left it when he came home. “Let’s go pick out our tree.” He grabbed Ryan’s hand and pulled him close for one more kiss before they were out the door.

****

Mike wasn’t sure there was a bone left in his body. He was so relaxed he felt like he was sleeping, with Cheese curled up beside him on top of the thick afgahn. After dinner he and Chester had sat on the couch talking until the idea of s’mores came up, and now Chester was in the kitchen, humming while he assembled everything. Mike had offered to help but it had been half-hearted at best, and Chester had kissed him before he turned him down.

_I’m so lazy,_ he scolded himself, even as he snuggled down under the blanket. _These past few days have been amazing though, with nothing to do or anywhere to be except right here. We needed this. It was a long semester._ Mike rolled his head on the back of the couch to look toward the kitchen. He could barely see Chester’s upper half, the black hoodie he was wearing and his head of brown curls, but his mind filled in the rest of his boyfriend. He could easily visualize the dark gray joggers that covered Chester’s cute ass, and the thick socks that were a necessity at the cabin. They’d been in comfortable clothes for days, and Mike wasn’t complaining. It was easy to get his hand up under the edge of Chester’s hoodies and feel all over his warm skin, and that might have been Mike’s favorite thing about being at the cabin.

After that first morning, when they’d had a pretty rough quickie by their current standards, everything had been slow and sensual. The bite mark had already faded, and Mike was relieved it hadn’t lingered more than two days. It was easy to lose time kissing and touching on the couch, or on the porch, or in the bed. Sometimes even in the shower. _It’s been great to get to shower together again. Everything about this place is great. I could take every single vacation here, and as long as Ches was with me, that would be fine._ A contented sigh popped from his lips as he rolled his head back to look at the fire. He had everything he needed. Chester and Cheese, and s’mores were on their way. 

In the kitchen, Chester had his little square pan lined up with graham crackers, chocolate pieces and marshmallows. He was just putting on the last layer when he looked up. He could see Mike on the couch, gazing at the fire, and Chester smiled. It had been a hard few months, both because of Mike’s hectic school schedule, but watching Ryan decline had been an added stress. Thankfully, that part was over, and spending a week at the quiet cabin felt like the overdue rest they both needed. _When we get back, we’ll be ready to tackle the new year together. Mike will go back to class and who knows what Forrest has in mind for me._

Over the handful of days since his meeting with Forrest Mullan, Chester had been trying to keep it out of his mind. He didn’t want to ponder or worry or theorize about what was coming. He knew it was good, whatever it was, and he was trying to be content with that. He had to figure that Forrest was going to cross-promote him, much the way Ryan had done solo work over the month that Chester was out with his busted ankle. _And I’ve already done that. I did the Humane Society gig. I’m sure that’s what it is. I’ll get to model for more than the young gay audience he’s been targeting us at._

Chester settled on that thought before he pushed it away. Work would resolve itself when he got back to L.A., and not a day sooner. He opened the oven and stuck the tray of cold s’mores in. “Sexy Boy!” he called as he straightened up and started to tidy the counter - putting away the graham crackers and marshmallows. “You’ve got just minutes and these will be done!” He snatched a leftover piece of Hershey’s chocolate and, after washing his hands quickly, he headed for the couch. He rounded to the back, to stand behind Mike as he leaned down, his elbows on the top of the couch. “Open,” he said playfully as he dangled the bite-sized piece of chocolate close to Mike’s mouth. 

Without even looking, Mike leaned his head back and opened his mouth. One arm went behind his back to grab hold of whatever part of Chester he could reach. “Mmm,” he hummed when he tasted the chocolate. “I’m ready for s’mores. I’m ready for you to come back and cuddle with us.” 

“Like two minutes,” Chester told him. “Do we want coffee or hot chocolate?” He was already on his way back to the kitchen to watch the window in the oven door like a hawk. It was easy to burn s’mores. “I can make us either.” 

Mike sat up a little. “Coffee sounds good, babe. Hot chocolate might be too much chocolate.” He couldn’t believe he’d just said that. He loved chocolate, and rarely did it seem there was too much of it. “I think I’ll take Cheese out real quick so she won’t need to get up while we’re eating.” Cheese had lifted her head as soon as she heard her name. “Let’s go outside,” Mike said to her, smiling at the way her little puppy butt wiggled with excitement. He put her down on the floor and she ran right to the back door. “We’ll be right back,” he called over to Chester. 

The door shut, and Chester set right to making coffee. He almost had it ready to go when he jumped back to the stove, checking on his s’mores. They looked melty, and smelled amazing. “Mmmmmm. You are some sexy s’mores,” he hummed to the treats as he grabbed an oven mit and pulled the hot pan out. He set it on the stove, just as he heard the chime of Mike’s phone. He looked over on instinct. Mike’s iPhone was on the counter, face up. He could see the text bubble that had popped up. 

**Matt:** _Hey Shinoda, we’re having a Christmas party._

Chester narrowed his eyes just as the screen went black. _Matt? That’s that teacher-ish guy. I met him. He’s weird. Why does he have Mike’s number?_

Chester turned and looked toward the door, listening. He couldn’t hear anything and he let out a long sigh. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but he left Mike’s phone where it was and went back to the coffee pot. _I should ask him. I should just ask. We’ve been so open about things...he won’t lie to me. He’ll tell me the truth. I’m sure it’s nothing. I wonder if he texts with Matt a lot?_

A familiar feeling drifted over Chester as he wondered if Mike ever mentioned him to Matt, or if it was like the conversations Mike used to have with Jason. Chester clenched his fists before he told himself to calm down. To stop jumping to conclusions. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth for a few seconds, and he felt better. He’d been working on trusting Mike, and now here was a test. He was going to ask, and no matter what his boyfriend answered, Chester was going to have to take it at face value. 

Mike stood on the porch and watched Cheese sniff around. It was neat to watch her explore without the leash and harness on, and to see how she never got very far away from him or Chester. _She loves us, and she knows we love and protect her. She’s a good girl._ He smiled as the terrier found a place to squat, and then checked out a few places along the porch before she came back to Mike. “It’s time to go inside already? You’re cold, aren’t you? Spoiled L.A. dog.” He opened the back door and Cheese shot inside and back to the couch by the fire. 

Mike couldn’t help but laugh. “She’s so funny,” he told Chester, walking into the kitchen. “I don’t think she likes being outside for long.” Chester was putting s’mores on a single plate for them to share, and Mike reminded himself that when there was only one plate, he had to eat slower. “Those smell soooo good,” he cooed, sliding up behind Chester and wrapping his arms around him, tucking his hands into the pockets on Chester’s hoodie. “And you’re so warm.” 

“And you’re so cold,” Chester replied the moment he felt Mike’s chilled lips on his neck. He pulled his head away, playfully. “Go warm back up by the fire. I’ll bring all this over. And, um, you got a text while you were out. It popped up on the screen. From Matt.”

Mike stepped back and groaned. “Ugh. He is so fuckin’ annoying. The semester is _over_ ” he emphasized with a wave of his hand before he picked it up. “Why is he bothering me?” Mike was irritated that Matt even had his number, and that he apparently couldn’t take a hint. Or many hints, as it were. He scooped up the phone and squinted at the message. “A Christmas party?” he read aloud to Chester. “I told him when we couldn’t go to the club we were going out of town. What does he not get about that?” 

Chester looked over. “So you told him _we_ were going out of town?” When Mike quickly said yes, Chester left the plate of s’mores to get coffee mugs down from the cabinet. “Is there a reason he has your number? He’s the student teacher, isn’t he? Is that normal he’d be texting you like that?”

“T.A.,” Mike corrected absently as he tried to remember exactly why Matt had his number. “He’s always trying to get me to go out with the grad students, since we’re all about the same age. That day he was trying to get me and you to go to the club, I was trying to get home and put him off at the same time. I told him I’d let him know if we could make it and he said he’d text me the details. It wasn’t supposed to be an open invitation to invite us to everything.” Mike looked down at his phone in frustration, getting ready to text back.

**Mike:** _We’re out of town, thanks though._

He watched Chester pour coffee into the cups and promptly hand one off to him. “I told him we’re out of town.” 

“I thought he was kind of weird when I talked to him, but I’m not a student,” Chester said as he scooped sugar into his coffee. “I always feel a little strange around there. You know? Because I’m not supposed to be there.”

“He _is_ kinda weird. With my luck I’ll be stuck with him again next semester. He’s fine as a teacher, but he’s always asking me to hang out with him and Dan, and it’s like, what do you not understand?” Mike shrugged. “And I’m allowed to have visitors, Ches, it’s not like I’m trying to keep you a secret.” 

Chester took his mug and followed Mike and the plate of s’mores to the couch. Cheese was already there, lying in front of the fire, but she lifted her head when they sat down on the couch, like she was trying to decide if she should get up to try and win a place on the sofa between them. “He sounds like a pushy bastard. If you’ve told him you’re not interested, then he should let it go. Want me to say something to him?” Chester asked as he sipped his coffee. “Because I will.” He knew it was a bold statement, and a second later he remembered that if he did do something like that, he would be on his own. He wouldn’t have Ryan standing with him, being intimidating. 

“Ches, you know I have to play nice, he’s in charge of my grade. As stupid as that sounds.” Mike sipped his coffee and thought about it quickly. “Thanks for offering, but it will be fine. I just want to go to class and get my stuff done. I don’t want him on my bad side. Lots of people in the music school seem to think highly of him.” He tucked his feet up under him and leaned over to snag a s’more. “Anyway, no Christmas parties for us. We’ve got s’mores and a fire. That’s all I want.” 

Chester reached over to squeeze Mike’s knee. “That’s all I want, too. I’m too damn old to go to college parties.” He looked down at their shared plate, and picked a corner to pull on. His chosen s’more was stuck to the ones next to it, by gooey marshmallow. “These things,” he said with a light huff. “So good, but so messy.” He finally got it free, and he smiled at the speed in which Mike took his second one, right after him. _He doesn’t have any interest in that Matt guy. I knew it. He’s telling the truth._

It was a comforting thought, and Chester felt a hundred times better than he had ten minutes ago. “So what do you want to do after this?” He nodded toward their puppy, who was now on her back, passed out. “I think she might be out for the night. All this cold, fresh air is exhausting her.”

Mike licked chocolate off his fingers and made himself not reach for a third until Chester had gotten his second s’more. “She’s so funny. She can pass out anywhere it seems. I wonder if Forrest has any board games around here.” Mike looked around, wondering if there was anything like Monopoly or Scrabble hidden somewhere. “We could drink coffee and play some games before we go to bed.” He lifted his eyebrows suggestively before he remembered they were hidden by his hair. 

“I bet he does. We’ll have to go exploring and see if we can find them. If nothing else, I bet he’s at least got a deck of cards. We should have a real drink while we play,” Chester suggested as he reached for another s’more. “Something to counteract all this sugar.” He scanned the cabin from where he was. They’d only glanced into the second bedroom, just long enough to see a much smaller bed, a dresser, and a nice view. There was a closet they hadn’t looked in, and Chester was betting if there was a Scrabble board hiding in the cabin, it would be in there. “I’ll make us some rum and Cokes and we can try our best to spell words right for Scrabble,” he laughed before filling his mouth with chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow.

“I wonder how to turn Scrabble into a drinking game,” Mike mused, taking his third gooey dessert. “I’m not sure if we drink we’ll be spelling anything. Or at least I won’t. You know how I am with liquor… but it could be fun.” He knew he wasn’t the best at staying coherent and drinking, but it didn’t matter. They didn’t have anywhere to be tomorrow, and they were in for the evening. Nobody had to drive anywhere, and that meant if he drank and couldn’t spell anything, that was okay. “We can explore when these are gone. But we’ll have to be sneaky and not wake up the puppy.” 

Chester smiled around his coffee mug. “I’m up for that challenge. And even _if_ we spell everything wrong, it will be fun.” He was trying to remember when the last time was that he’d had something stronger than a beer, and he couldn’t. _Was it New York? Has it been since me and Ry were in New York at the bar?_ He slowly shook his head as he reached for another s’more - his last s’more. He would be stuffed after number three. “I think I’ll be spelling as bad as you. It’s been awhile since I’ve had anything too strong to drink.” 

There were two s’mores left, and Mike was sad to reach for his last one. “It’s been a long time since we played a game, too. This has been the best thing to happen all semester, you know?” He motioned around the room with his free hand while he took a bite. “We needed this. Just time to relax and be together, and not have a bunch of books between us.” He scooted over closer to Chester. “Just think, if we were at home, I’d have a pile of books and I wouldn’t be close enough to do this.” He leaned over and kissed the corner of Chester’s lips and smiled. 

“Mmmm, you’re right,” Chester hummed as he ran his hand down Mike’s face, scrubbing his fingers over his beard for a second. “And I agree. Totally. It’s been a loooong six months. It’s nice to just relax and do nothing.” He held the plate up to pass it over. “I’m done with these. You can have this one, if you want it.” He plopped a quick kiss to Mike’s cheek before he stood up and announced he was going to wash his hands.

“I love you,” Mike said, happily accepting the last s’more on the plate. “And not just because you gave me the last one. Just to make that clear.” He picked up the last graham cracker sandwich and took his time eating it before he stood up to take the plate into the kitchen. He didn’t even give his phone another glance when they passed it on the way to go find Scrabble. 

****

There were trees everywhere, which was somewhat surprising, even though Ryan knew there would be. It was already dark out, but the entire Christmas tree lot was lit up as he and Jason walked hand-in-hand. It was still a little unreal - with a dash of awe tossed in - that they were holding hands. In public. Even though he’d been with Jason out and about around Seattle a handful of times now, it still made him smile. Everything now was so different from how it had been during their six months of freedom together in L.A. At the time, Jason had barely been admitting to them being together, and was flat out denying it in public. 

But not anymore. Everytime Jason would start a sentence with ‘My boyfriend’ to a waiter, a cashier, someone in line at the store, it made Ryan’s heart swell. More than once he’d caught himself thinking, _This is how it’s supposed to be. How it was always supposed to be. The way we dreamed about it._

That dream finally coming to reality was the biggest reason to resist the temptation to drink, to run back to Rob and L.A. and the unhealthy life he’d left behind. For good. He was looking forward to the day when he and Jason could share a drink together, but Ryan knew that for now, total sobriety was better, and he was happily sticking to it, even in those minutes and hours when it was hard. When he was left pacing around the apartment talking to Blue or to whomever he could get on the phone.

But tonight, those temptations were nowhere in sight. They walked past four rows of massively tall trees before the sizes started to go down to something more manageable for their apartment. “Let’s look at these,” Ryan suggested as he squeezed Jason’s hand, and led the way. They stopped in front of the first one. The temperature outsides wasn’t freezing, but Ryan had to keep wiping snowflakes from his face. Everytime he looked over at Jason, and the white dots that speckled his black hair, and dark coat, Ryan smiled quietly to himself. Jason’s cheeks were flushed from the cold, and Ryan leaned over, placing a warm kiss to his face. “How about this one?” he whispered, before he pulled back and straightened up as another couple came down the row. 

All of Jason’t insides were excited, and it wasn’t just from tree shopping. It was freeing to be outside in the flurries looking at Christmas trees, sneaking kisses and touches as they went. Jason squeezed Ryan’s hand back and smiled as he pulled away before he looked at the tree. It was nice, but he wanted one a little fluffier. “Let’s keep going,” he said, pulling Ryan closer. “That one is too skinny.” 

They walked slowly, looking at the next two trees, before Jason suggested, “we should look at this whole row. And then come back after we’ve seen them all this height, and pick the best one.” He let go of Ryan’s hand and snaked it up under his jacket. He felt Ryan jump a little, and he leaned close, snuggling his face into Ryan’s side. “Sorry, baby, my hand was cold,” he teased. 

“It _is_ cold,” Ryan agreed. “But you can keep it there anyway. I’ll try extra hard to think warm thoughts for you.” They laughed together, playfully bumping into each other as they headed further down the row, and Ryan was starting to think that all the trees basically looked the same. Some were a little fuller, and some a little more scraggly looking, but with lights and decorations on them, he knew whichever one they picked would look great. And even if it didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. It was going to be their first Christmas tree together. 

They reached the end of the row and turned back around, and Ryan pointed to one tree that was on the fuller side, but was also a tad shorter than the others. “How about this short guy?” he asked, leaning into Jason’s body, his touch. “It’s like someone squashed him a little.” 

“He does look a little squashed,” Jason agreed, his head tilting to the side as he assessed it. “Do you think it will look right in front of the tall windows? I was thinking more this one.” He pointed to the tree right next to it. It was the perfect tree shape, and nice and full. He could imagine it with lights and colored glass balls, and tinsel. He could picture Ryan standing on one of the dining chairs and stretching to put the star on top, and the way his shirt would lift a little and Jason would want to touch his stomach. There would be coffee, and maybe he could get Christmas cookies from the bakery by his office. The longer he thought about it, the more sure he was about the tree. “It’s this one, Ry, look at it. It will be perfect.” 

The look on Jason’s face, the excitement in his voice, was too much for Ryan to object to. Jason could have pointed out a twig, and Ryan still would have said yes. “I think you’re right,” he said, nuzzling a series of kisses to Jason’s chilled ear. “It’s perfect for our first tree. It’s going to look great by the fireplace.” It didn’t take much to imagine how much warmth the snow covered tree was going to bring to their apartment. It had been so long since either of them had really gotten to celebrate Christmas, and Ryan knew without asking that Jason already had grand plans in mind. It would be amazing to snuggle up on the couch with his Jason and hot chocolate and maybe even Blue. If she decided to join them. He could easily imagine the dark apartment being lit by nothing but the fireplace and Christmas lights. 

Jason turned, pulling his hand out from under Ryan’s jacket and slinging both arms around his lover’s neck. He stroked over the back of the scarf and looked into Ryan’s eyes. Everything felt magical, despite the freezing wet drops that kept hitting his face and the cold breeze. “I love you,” he said, without lowering his voice. He didn’t care who heard him. He reached for Ryan’s lips, giggling softly at the layers between them before their lips met, all warm and tender. The thought of how excited he was to go home struck him again for the second time that day. He’d hadn’t been excited to go home in years, but now he had Ryan, and home was a place he loved.

****  
TBC


	29. Revelations

Jason looked up from the bar, where he was moving Christmas cookies from the bakery box to a plate. He’d managed to leave work a half hour early to swing by and pick up the decorated sugar cookies on the way home, and he couldn’t wait to share them with Ryan. They were his favorite, the big, soft sugar cookies that were cut into different shapes for every holiday and exquisitely decorated with the tastiest vanilla icing. Jason had discovered them one afternoon when he walked down to the bakery on his lunch break for a treat, and there was no going back. His eyes landed on Ryan, laying on the couch with Blue on his stomach. They’d been there since Jason had gone up to shower, patiently waiting for the tree decorating that was happening.

At some point in the day while he was at work the tree had been delivered, and Ryan had gotten it positioned in the perfect place to the right of the fireplace, centered between two huge window panes. All of the decorations and lights they had bought the night before were in shopping bags on the dining table, and Jason couldn’t wait to get into them. They had agreed on silver and navy blue for the tree, and there was silver tinsel, blue and silver plastic balls that Blue couldn’t break, clear icicles and snowflakes, and white lights. They had even found a silver bead garland that Jason loved, and it had all gone into the shopping cart without a single reservation. The two of them found silvery stockings with snowflakes, a blue one for the cat, and a blue tree skirt with silvery snowflakes stitched into it. Everything was perfectly color coordinated and Jason couldn’t wait to get started.

He was fresh and clean from the shower, in his set of wine red pajamas and his feet in slippers. He finished plating the cookies and turned to the mugs next to him with a bag of marshmallows in his hands. He’d made cocoa from scratch instead of using the little premade packets, stirring together sugar, cocoa powder, vanilla and a touch of cinnamon into the milk as it heated on the stove. Now he dropped marshmallows into the tops of the mugs, and everything was ready. He and Ryan were going to decorate their very first Christmas tree together, and Jason’s heart was so happy and excited he was trembling. 

“Here’s the cookies, Ry,” he said as he set the plate on the coffee table. “I’m going to get our hot chocolate, and then we can get started. If you think you can move Blue.”

Ryan let one arm and one leg flop off the couch dramatically. “She’s weighing me down,” he said, before he looked up and grinned. All he saw was the sheer joy in his boyfriend’s dark eyes, and Ryan had to keep from jumping up right then to take him in his arms. Out of all the things he’d seen and done in his life, everything from traveling to modeling and rubbing elbows with the higher-ups of the L.A. fashion world, none of it held a flame to what was about to happen. Picking out their first tree had been exciting, and the decorations afterwards had been an adventure. It was the first time he and Jason had ever picked out anything together, and it would always be special in Ryan’s heart. 

He had been the one to pick out their rings so many months ago. Jason picked out the loft and then decorated it himself. The Seattle apartment had also been Jason’s sole choice, along with everything in it. Ryan had picked out his beloved Lotus with Chester next to him, not Jason. Jason’s Jag was a gift from Mark. Ryan had started reading _Twilight_ on his own, even though they were reading it together now. The L.A. Symphony tickets had been all Jason. Even their bed that had been at the loft had been from the YRS mansion, a spare bed that had simply filled the space because it was available, not because it was debated about and chosen. There hadn’t been room at the loft for them to buy any new furniture and the downstairs had already been decorated by Chester and Mike in the time they’d lived there. 

It all equalled two very separate lives, and Ryan was overjoyed that they were finally getting to join them for real. The Christmas tree and its decorations were only the beginning, and he knew it. He couldn’t wait for what would be coming in the future. He knew the days would come when they would decide on vacation destinations together. There were things in the kitchen that were missing, gadgets and a need for more dishes. Ryan already knew they would pick those things out together. One day they might decide to paint a wall or buy a plant or maybe get a second cat. It was all going to equal a life together, and it was everything Ryan had ever wanted. 

He turned his head to watch as Jason came back his way with their hot cocoa and Ryan had to figure it was time to sit up. “Alright, Blue, you’re officially evicted,” he told the cat as he nudged her. When she only looked annoyed but didn’t move, he sat up, and she jumped off his stomach. “Oh!” he gasped, rubbing the front of his black muscle shirt. “She looks small, but her pound per paw is hazardous.” 

He sat the rest of the way up, running a hand over his freshly trimmed dark facial scruff and hair. He’d decided it was finally time. His beard he’d taken care of himself, but his hair he’d left to a professional. It was back to the way Forrest Mullan had had it cut - jagged and off to the side. He’d already had his shower, and so his hair was free of product and flipping around everywhere. He knew Jason didn’t care, and so he tried not to mess with it too much as he straightened his shirt and wiped his hands over the legs of his black joggers while he stared down at the cookies. “These look fantastic.” 

“They’re the best,” Jason gushed, handing over one of the mugs. “They’re almost too pretty to eat.” He picked up a cookie shaped like a snowman and admired the detail, the delicate icing lines that drew in the black coal eyes and buttons, the carrot nose, and the blue scarf around his neck. “Look. It’s so cute.” He showed Ryan his selection and then unceremoniously bit the head off the snowman, his eyes closing in total happiness. This was how he’d always wanted to feel at Christmas. It was supposed to be magical, sharing hopes of the season and the future, and being in love. There had been exactly one Christmas like that with Mark, but they had been in Paris, not at home with a tree and happy dreams. Jason knew this was only the beginning of joyful Christmases with Ryan, and he was almost giddy.

“Ouch,” Ryan said playfully. “That poor snowman. Remind me never to get on your bad side.” He winked at Jason before he decided on a cookie in the shape of a Christmas tree. The white, green, and red icing looked like it had been put on with as much care as a painting. “So where do you want to start?” he asked, motioning to the tree by the flickering fireplace. It was snowing out, and they’d both decided that a little extra warmth in the living room would be good. Ryan was still trying to think of a smart comeback for Jason’s comment about him being a spoiled Cali-boy from earlier as he took a bite of the cookie and instantly swooned over how good it was. 

“I told you,” Jason cooed happily. “Literally the best cookies. I think they’re even better than Brad’s.” He made a mental note to call his cousin-in-law soon before he looked over at the table. “You have to start with lights. I want as many lights on the tree as we can get on there. We bought ten strands. I want every single one on the tree. I can stand on one side, and you on the other, and we can pass the strand around to each other.” He finished his cookie and stood up, bending over right in front of Ryan to place his mug on the table. “You finish your cookie while I open boxes,” he instructed, looking over his shoulder to see Ryan staring right at him. 

It was hard for Ryan to not reach out and grab Jason’s ass, and ultimately he failed. Before he knew it, he’d pinched the little buttcheek in front of him, squeezing the wine colored pajama fabric between his fingers as they both laughed. “If you keep leaning over like this in front of me, the tree will never get decorated,” Ryan teased as he let his lover go and sat back on the couch, figuring that was the safer option. He tried not to smile at the look Jason gave him before he headed for the decorations and all the boxes of white lights. “Did you know Brad works at the college now?” Ryan asked, since Jason had brought his name up. “In the cafeteria.” 

“ _The_ college?” Jason asked. “You say it like there’s only one college.” He laughed and opened a box, pulling out the neatly wound lights and unwinding them. “We don’t talk often, but I did know he took a job at USC. I think he liked the restaurant scene, but it was different. The constant stress. The idea of working in the cafeteria and making the big batches of things like he was used to at YRS was appealing. Last time we talked he sounded happy. We didn’t talk long, he was meeting someone… a lady friend.” Jason shot Ryan a silly smile as he connected two strands of lights and opened another box. 

“That’s the one,” Ryan said as he finished his cookie and took a small sip of hot cocoa. “That’s where Chaz and Mike live. At USC. They get to see Brad now and again. I never got to, but Chaz always kept me updated. The _lady friend_ is one of the professors, according to Chaz.” He stood up and headed to the kitchen to wash his hands so he could help with the lights. “The hot cocoa is excellent. You should make it more often. And it’s still hard for me to picture Brad dating anyone. I know he loved being around people, but he always seemed...not interested. You know? Like, not attracted to anyone.” Ryan tilted his head as he leaned against the counter and dried his hands. “I guess because he worked in a house full of guys,” he decided with a short laugh. “I never put that together until now.”

Jason smiled and handed Ryan the end of the lights. “You’ll plug yours in first,” he said pointing to the power strip on the floor that was plugged into an extension cord. It would be covered by the tree skirt when they were finished. “Brad used to get a few days off here and there, during the week, but I don’t think it was ever enough to have a real social life. Mark kept him on a pretty short leash.” He didn’t have to continue to say they’d all been kept close, and that his leash was the shortest by far. Jason knew that Ryan knew all of that, in almost as much detail as if he’d been the one married to Mark. “I’m glad he’s found someone. And I had no idea that’s where Mike and Chaz ended up.” Jason had his attention on a new box of lights, ready to unwind them and connect them to the others. “Good for Mike. That was his dream school.” 

Ryan crouched down to plug in the lights, and it was an instant smile as the white line came to life. “Chaz says he studies a lot, so I guess he’s doing well.” Despite everything that had happened between Mike and Jason, Ryan didn’t mind talking about him. Not now. Not when it came to catching up. He knew Jason cared. “I’ve been a little out of the loop lately, but Chaz got to do a big photo shoot for the L.A. Humane Society. That’s how they ended up with their dog.” He looked away as he headed back towards the table, following the lights. “I was supposed to be there to watch...to be supportive, but, I fucked it up and never showed.” He let out a long sigh. 

Jason put down the next box of lights and stepped over to put his arms around Ryan as soon as he stood up, the lights sparkling in his hands. One hand went right to his scruff, stroking his cheek softly. “Stop. You know it’s all forgiven now. Chaz is happy that you’re happy.” He leaned in and left a tender kiss on Ryan’s lips, lips that tasted like sugar cookies and hot chocolate. “Just think, if you’d been there, you might have come home with a dog, too, and then what would Blue do? She was meant to be an only child, I think.” He was relieved to see Ryan smile back at him. “Now, let’s get these lights on the tree, baby.” 

Ryan agreed easily as he stepped back. “You’re right. Blue definitely has single child syndrome.” He headed for the tree, with Jason right behind him. In just a few minutes they were in a system, passing the lights around the tree and slowly wrapping them from the bottom up. “I talked to Noah the other day,” he mentioned, figuring since they were already on the subject he might as well update Jason on everyone. The last few days he’d managed to get every single person they knew on the phone. “They’re doing well. He’s excited, you know? His first Christmas with Amir.” Ryan caught Jason’s eyes around the tree. “Kind of like us. He said Amir’s never decorated for Christmas before. Well, not for real. I guess he had one of those little trees that you put on a table. They’re like two feet tall or something. If Chaz ever moves out of their spare room, Noah said they’re talking about starting a home business together. Something about party planning.” 

Jason tried to think back to his interactions with Noah. There weren’t many outside of the house in the hills, but he did remember the skating party Noah had put on for Amir. A lot had happened that day, but the actual party seemed to have gone well around him. “That sounds about right,” Jason said, pausing to tuck a little bit of extra lights into a space between branches that wasn’t as fluffy as other spaces. He leaned back to look at it and nodded at how it looked. “Noah likes organizing parties. It still blows my mind he ended up with Amir. Such an unlikely couple.” He looked around the side of the tree as he passed the light strand off to Ryan. “Chaz could be their caterer.” 

“I think he’d love that, actually,” Ryan commented as he made sure his side of the tree was lighted evenly before passing the string back. “Not sure where he’d cook anything though. He’s told me a hundred times that the kitchen in the campus apartment is small. Smaller than the one that was at the loft, and Amir’s is dinky, too. Amir’s apartment is actually really nice, they just didn’t give any room to the kitchen.” 

They were almost to the top of the tree, and Ryan was reaching up to wrap his side. He could see Jason struggling, standing on his tiptoes. “Need some help, Jason Akio?” he asked, grinning around the tree. “I can probably do this top part myself, since it’s skinner.” He pointed up, where the string of lights was hanging down, not wrapped around the last six inches or so of the tree. 

“Come rescue my lights,” Jason said, feigning helplessness. He left a quick kiss on Ryan’s cheek as the lights traded hands, and didn’t step back far. He watched as his lover quickly wrapped the lights around the top of the tree until he was almost to the tip. When Ryan stretched to reach, Jason couldn’t help but reach out and put his hands on Ryan’s hips. “I’ll keep you steady,” he laughed when Ryan jumped a little in his hands. “Make sure you get them all the way around,” Jason instructed, watching where each little bulb went.

“Don’t let go. I’m counting on you to catch me if I fall,” Ryan laughed. Despite his height, it was still a stretch for him to reach the top, and wrap the lights. “I think these are going to fit just about perfect,” he said as he double wrapped the very last loop and tucked the lights in. He let go, and dropped his arms as they stared up at it together. “What do you think?” he asked, turning his head to see Jason’s face so close. His lover’s hands were still on his hips, and Ryan leaned back a little. Normally he was the one behind Jason, wrapping him up and kissing him from behind, so it was exciting to have their usual positions switched at the moment. 

The white bulbs were twinkling with a warm light, and Jason wrapped his arms around Ryan’s waist. They could stop right there and he would be happy with it, but there were still tons of decorations to put on. “I love it already.” He snuggled his face into Ryan’s back and breathed in deeply before he reached to leave a kiss on the side of Ryan’s neck. “I think it’s time for a cookie break,” he added, rubbing his hands over Ryan’s stomach. “You feel like you need another cookie.” 

It was clear how the night would go. Ryan didn’t have to ask. After every round of adding something to the tree, they would stop and have a cookie and sip the steaming hot cocoa. And that was just fine with him. They weren’t on a time schedule. As long as they made it to bed before midnight, Jason wouldn’t sleep through his alarm in the morning. 

Ryan turned and laced his arms around Jason’s neck and shoulders. He ran one hand up the side of Jason’s head, lovingly scratching his fingers through his hair before he leaned down to kiss him. Ryan shut his eyes instantly, allowing the moment to linger. He stroked his thumb over Jason’s cheek, and then down onto his neck before he backed off and took Jason’s hand instead. “I’d love another cookie, with you.” 

Blue was back on the couch when Jason turned toward the coffee table. It looked like she was silently judging the Christmas tree from her perch on the back of the cushion, just the tip of her tail flicking. He didn’t let go of Ryan’s hand and his arm wrapped around himself, pulling Ryan close behind him as they made baby steps over to the coffee table. With a secret smile he leaned over, his ass bumping right against Ryan’s crotch, and snagged two cookies. “Mmm,” he hummed happily, wiggling his hips a little, “you feel nice.” 

Ryan cocked his eyebrow, his free hand going right to Jason’s hip. He slipped his fingers up under the wine red pajama top, rubbing them over Jason’s warm skin. “You feel nice, too,” he hummed back. He glanced over Jason’s shoulder at the cat for a second before he snaked his hand around Jason's stomach, and pulled him carefully back against him. This was the position he was used to, holding Jason close, his crotch lined right up with Jason’s ass. “I’ve got two suggestions. Tell me what you think,” he mumbled, his lips close to Jason’s ear. “We can sit on the couch and eat cookies, but we’d have to kick Blue off first.” He wrapped his lips around Jason’s earlobe, sucking on it for a second before he said, “Or, we can sit on the couch, eat our cookies, and then let me kiss you all over.” He stopped, pressing his nose and the scruff on his chin against Jason’s neck before he sighed happily. “Either way, Her Highness will have to move. It’s your turn. I moved her last time.”

A full body tremor went right through Jason as Ryan’s hands felt over his skin and his lips sucked on his ear. Jason’s eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of his boyfriend so close. He loved the scrape of Ryan’s scruff against his neck, and he was ready to say _forget the tree_ in favor of making out on the couch. But there were so many decorations left, and he wanted to see the finished product. Then they could kiss and touch all they wanted by the light of the tree and the fire. “Ryyy,” he whined, even as he wiggled back against Ryan’s body, “we’ll never get the tree finished if we sit down.” He turned around in Ryan’s arms, and his lover’s hands slid around to his back, still up under his pajama shirt. 

Jason held a cookie up to Ryan’s lips. “Cookie first. Then tinsel, and the bead garland. And then you can kiss me all over. We need to stay on task,” he added. “I want to see you put the star on. I promise I’ll stop teasing you.” He would try hard not to tease, but reaching out and touching Ryan whenever he wanted was a thrill he hadn’t had enough of yet. “Let Blue stay up there for a while longer and when we’re done we’ll shoo her away.” 

Even though he and Jason had both left the world of porn behind, it was still amusing to Ryan everytime Jason’s director instincts kicked in. Mark had been the director on paper, but it was always Jason who really made everything work. The lights, the cameras, the props, the costumes, keeping everyone on task. Jason had done it all, and he’d done it with soft hands and the big brown eyes that Ryan loved. It would have been easy to tease his lover back, to run his hand up Jason’s back, and lean in to kiss him a thousand times on his neck. 

But he didn’t. Instead Ryan decided to give in to Jason’s need to keep things in order and running on schedule. Besides, he knew the payoff would be greater. If they started making out now, halfway through Jason would stop them to put the tinsel on or to fix a string of lights that didn’t quite sit right on the tree to his liking. If Ryan did his job instead, and helped get the tree to the end goal, then Jason would be all his. 

He opened his mouth and took the cookie instead of Jason’s lips. He stepped back, letting his boyfriend go so they both could eat. “Fine,” he said, after swallowing his bite of sweet sugar cookie that melted in his mouth. “Let’s stay on task.” He looked away from Jason to scan the tree. It already looked like a Christmas tree, even without any other decorations. “The tinsel will be easier than the lights. Oh, and we need to hang the stockings before we stop,” he decided as he finished off his cookie and reached for his hot cocoa. 

“Yes,” Jason agreed around a mouthful of cookie. “I love the stocking holders you picked out. They’ll look so classy up on the mantle.” He looked around and spotted the bag with the heavy silver holders inside. “We can go ahead and do that while we eat these cookies. I’m going to have to get more of these for Christmas Day,” he decided, popping the rest of the cookie in his mouth where it practically melted. 

The stocking holders were their initials in silver, and Jason smiled when the first one he fished out of the bag was a B. “Of course hers is first.” He laughed as Ryan rolled his eyes but took the heavy hook anyway and stepped over to put it on the natural wood mantle. Jason passed off the R and the J next, and sipped his cocoa as he watched while Ryan spaced them out nicely. He grabbed another cookie on his way to the fireplace with the stockings. “It’s so homey with these here,” he said, motioning to the two silver and one blue stocking after he placed them on their hooks. “Like a family.” 

Ryan looked over the three stockings, and nodded. “What’s that song?” he asked as he turned around and nabbed another cookie for himself. “Three’s The Magic Number?” He took a bite as he thought about it, before he pointed to the line of stockings. “That’s why. Three makes a family, which _is_ magic.” 

He finished his cookie quickly and then headed back to the table to get the tinsel. “So, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about it, but, would you ever want kids?” Ryan asked carefully as he pulled the silver tinsel from the shopping bags. “Not right now, of course. But down the line?” He knew it was something they’d never talked about, but now seemed like a good opportunity to bring it up. After all, Jason had been the one to use the word _family_. He knew kids were never in the plans for Jason and Mark, but they weren’t Jason and Mark. They were Jason and Ryan, and Ryan really wanted to know if that changed anything.

Jason froze. In all of the conversations they’d had about their future, children had never come up. He wasn’t sure why, but it seemed like they’d never gotten that far. Their dreams had been limited to escape, and setting up a home like they were doing now. One thing he knew for sure, when he was married to Mark, is that he would have never dreamed to bring a child into such a volatile situation. But Mark was gone, and Jason was trying his best to break free of those binding chains. 

He reached out and touched Blue’s stocking before he turned around and looked over at Ryan. Ryan was the opposite of Mark in almost every way. Ryan was always gentle with him. Ryan was a protector, a caretaker, someone he could depend on - always. Even when they broke up, when he’d broken Ryan’s heart, Ryan had never raised his voice or his hand. There was nobody Jason trusted more than Ryan, and for the first time he could imagine having more than a cat to share their love. Ryan’s attention was focused on the tinsel in his hand, as though he were afraid to look at Jason.

“I never could imagine it before. I would never have brought a child into a life with Mark.” Jason shook his head and came over to the table to help with the tinsel, and Ryan still wasn’t looking at him. “I know you’d be an amazing dad, Ry. There’s not a doubt in my mind that any child that we had would be loved.” He paused and tried to word his concerns correctly. “I’m not ready for that now. I don’t want to screw up another human being, Ry. I contributed to hurting people by doing nothing at YRS.” Jason reached over to take Ryan’s hand. “I’m not saying no, but it’s a terrifying thought. There’s still so much wrong in my head… I want to be the healthiest I can be, for me and you, first. But eventually, I think we could be good parents together. I feel like I can do anything with you.” He squeezed Ryan’s hand. 

It wasn’t that Ryan was expecting an immediate _yes_ , but hearing Jason express concerns over his state of being wasn’t what he’d been expecting, even though maybe he should have. He took a moment, letting Jason’s words sink in. He knew Jason hadn’t been in therapy long. Only a few months at this point. He also knew that therapy was something that took years. Sometimes a lifetime. Thoughts about his own life came on the heels of that. He’d only been back in Jason’s life for not even two weeks yet. Three weeks ago he’d been snorting cocaine and passing out on Rob Bourdon’s floor. He really wasn't in any shape to bring another life into the mix either. “I know you’re right,” he said, looking up to meet Jason’s eyes, and he smiled. 

“I want us both to be in a healthy place,” Ryan assured him. “It’s just something we’ve never talked about, but I’ve thought about it. Some of the people at Score had kids. They’d bring them in sometimes. The teenagers always kind of sat around in a huff, but the younger kids were cute. It was nice, watching people I knew be parents. If… and I do mean if, Jay... if we ever get to that point, I know you’d be a good dad, too. I’ve seen first hand how well you can look after someone. Jay, it wasn’t your fault,” he said suddenly. “All of us at YRS, it wasn’t your fault. We all made our choices to be there. I know if you could have left, you would have.” He lifted Jason’s hand to his lips and kissed it softly. 

Jason turned his hand to touch Ryan’s cheek. “I would have, but he would have dragged me back.” He could see the acknowledgement in Ryan’s blue eyes as they stared down at him. “I know I’ve made excuses for him for so long… it was easier than dealing with the reality of things. Leaving just wasn’t ever going to happen, and he didn’t let me forget it.” Jason let go and picked up the tinsel again. “Come on, tinsel next.”

Ryan followed him over to the tree and they started to drape the tinsel over the branches. “I don’t think I ever really believed it would be over. I remember you guys all counting down the days left in your contracts. You all had an end in sight, but my contract had no end. The only way our marriage was going to end was exactly how it ended.” Jason stepped back to evaluate the tree. “Loop it on that branch, Ry,” he said, pointing, watching as Ryan did as he suggested before he continued, somewhat absently. “You remember the last time I tried, don’t you? Those were the longest weeks, hidden away upstairs waiting to heal…” He reached out and fluffed a bit of tinsel. “He told me it was my obligation as his husband to do everything he wanted. There was no way out for me. It was a hopeless situation.”

Jason sighed and went back to the table for the bead garlands. “That’s all I ever was to him. A slave. A possession.” He pulled out the beads and inspected them. They were smooth, like mirrors, and he knew the lights would bounce off the surface and make everything ten times more sparkly. 

Ryan listened, his heart breaking. When Jason’s words finally came to a pause, Ryan took the opportunity to take a time out. He stepped around the tree, and squeezed Jason’s shoulder. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.” He stepped away, and crossed the room to the small bathroom towards the back of the apartment. 

He turned on the light and shut the door. It was a powder room, Jason had told him once, with only a sink and toilet, and that was just fine. Ryan turned on the water before he gripped the sides of the porcelain pedestal sink and tears slid down his face. Hearing Jason say out loud that escape from Mark was never actually going to happen had been a hard hit to take. Memories rushed - all the times he and Jason whispered their shared dreams, simple things like a home together or being far away from everyone else. Getting to spend the night in each other's arms, going out on dates like normal couples. It was shattering to realize that none of it was ever going to happen. No matter how long he waited for Jason - with Jason - to be free together, it wouldn’t have happened. 

Ryan’s grip on the sink went slack as he dropped to his knees. He pressed his forehead against the cool porcelain bowl as he tried to calm down. _It doesn’t matter now, but fuck. It was never going to end. We were never, ever going to get to really be together._

Ryan covered his mouth as more thoughts tumbled through his mind. All their plans - their dreams - were just that. Dreams. It was hard to wrap his mind around how it had gone on for so long. Over three years at YRS with Jason. How many more years would it have kept going? _I was fired. I wasn’t going to be able to see him anymore, and he was never really going to leave to get to me. What would have happened to us?_

It was a sickening thought, and it took a minute for Ryan to force it away. He put both hands back on the sink as he breathed, as he reminded himself of how good things were now. Mark was gone. Dead. He was never coming back, and nothing and no one was ever going to separate him and Jason again. 

He could still hear the sound of the water running, and slowly Ryan stood himself up. He didn’t look in the mirror as he splashed water on his face and then dried it with the fresh smelling yellow hand towel hanging close by. He didn’t want to walk back out there, where Jason was decorating their Christmas tree, with bloodshot eyes. He didn’t want to lay that on his lover, who had been so freely speaking from his heart. That open, honest communication was good. It was healthy, and Ryan didn’t want to do anything to derail it. Things were going too good for him to fuck it up now over things in the past that had been out of Jason’s control. 

Jason finished the tinsel and glanced toward the bathroom. Ryan had been gone just long enough for it to edge into his thoughts that maybe something was wrong. He could hear the water running, and then it stopped. _Too many cookies?_ he thought, but that didn’t seem right. He’d seen Ryan eat more than three cookies many times in their relationship. _It’s because I was talking about Mark._ Jason thought back, trying to remember exactly how they’d gotten from cookies to children to Mark. _I never thought I wanted them, but I really just didn’t want them with him. Our relationship wasn’t good, but everything is different with Ry._

All that was left for the tree was the blue and silver balls, and the snowflakes. Jason poked through the bags, looking for the hooks. He found them and set them to the side, deciding he should check on Ryan. It had been more than a few minutes now. He stepped over to the bathroom and listened, but he didn’t hear anything. “Ry? You okay?” 

Ryan looked towards the sound of Jason’s voice on the other side of the door. “Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute!” he called back before he took a few big breaths and fanned his face. He didn’t want to look like he had been crying when he walked back out. He wanted to finish their tree, and then he wanted to sit on the couch with Jason and enjoy it together. 

He wiped his eyes, and examined himself in the mirror. _I can pull it together. All that stuff, it doesn’t matter now. Now we’re together._ It was a lot easier to think those thoughts than to shift them from the forefront to the back of things. He shut his eyes, and pulled up different images instead. He filled his mind with all the warm things between him and Jason over the last couple of weeks, and reminded himself that now when they made plans, when they had dreams, they would actually come true. 

Ryan opened the door and stepped out, flipping off the light as he did. Jason was back at the table, slowly pulling the ornaments out of the bags. It took less than three seconds to recognize the concern on his boyfriend’s face. Ryan stepped over and kissed Jason’s cheek. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I just needed a minute. Sometimes talking about the past is really hard. Not that we shouldn’t talk about those things, but sometimes it hits extra hard.” He pressed his lips to the side of Jason’s head, letting his eyes close as he sucked in his warmth and scent. 

Jason’s arm went around Ryan’s waist immediately, pulling him close. “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he whispered, looking down at the remaining decorations. “I was just talking without thinking. I probably need to save that kind of mindless talking for therapy.” Jason put the package of snowflakes on the table and then turned to wrap his other arm around Ryan, too, burying his face in Ryan’s shirt. All of his Mark issues had been what led to breaking up with Ryan in the first place. Jason knew that even though he’d been working on those issues, even though he was coping better, there was still a long way to go. “I love you. I’m not going to let him be between us, Ry. I promise.”

Ryan wrapped Jason up in his arms, holding him a little tighter than normal. “I want us to talk,” he said first. “It’s good to be open, but some of it still hurts. I was just thinking about how things used to be. The way we always had plans, things we wanted to do when you finally left him. Hearing you say just now that that was never going to happen...it pushed me back a step. I told you once that I always believed you, even when things were really, really hard.” He shut his eyes, willing back the sting of tears that wanted to fall as he skimmed one hand up Jason’s back to pet over his neck and hair. “It doesn’t matter now, I know. Now we are making those things happen, it just blindsided me is all. I love you, too.” He bent his neck to kiss the top of Jason’s head. 

Jason was still for a moment. He’d believed in all of the dreams they’d had. But he also knew now, as he’d confronted the reality of things in his sessions, that he’d never have been able to leave. It was never because he didn’t want to. Mark wouldn’t have allowed it. “I _wanted_ to leave. I never stayed because I wanted to. Especially once I had you. I wanted to leave,” he emphasized, pulling back to look into Ryan’s eyes. “Being with you always felt like being free.” He stepped back from Ryan’s arms and took one of his hands. “Maybe this is the wrong time for this, but, I want to tell you something. Something I haven’t told you before.” 

Jason lifted the hem of his shirt and brought Ryan’s hand onto his skin. Together they pushed down the side of Jason’s pajama pants, until his small tattoo was visible. “This isn’t what you think it is,” Jason said softly, keeping his eyes down. “It doesn’t say film. I was too embarrassed and ashamed to admit to you what it really says.” He let go of Ryan’s hand and ran a finger over the tattoo. “When I tried to leave, right before we were dating… when Mark brought me back, he told me I’d never leave him. That I _belonged_ to him. And this was part of how he showed me. It says _slave._ ” Jason stopped and took a harsh breath. “I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to ever know that I couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to lose you.” 

Ryan stared down at the black tattoo. The small Japanese characters that he’d seen a thousand times. That he’d run his hands over. That he’d kissed. That he’d always believed to be a willing symbol of Jason’s passion for photography. _Slave._ The word echoed through his mind as he ordered himself to hold it together. He touched the ink, lightly, as Jason allowed. “That bastard,” Ryan finally whispered as he looked up. He’d always known that Jason was trapped. That his ability to get away was a long shot. There were some nights he doubted it, especially when their plans were interrupted unwittingly by Mark. But overall, the idea that Jason could hire a lawyer and get away had always seemed possible. They always talked like it was possible anyway, but now, a year after Mark Wakefield’s ultimate demise, it was clear his Jason had been more of a prisoner than he had known. “Jay,” he whispered, “he’s gone. You’re not a slave anymore. 

Ryan wrapped both hands around Jason’s face, pulling him in for a soft quick kiss before he stepped back and pointed at the tattoo. “You should get it covered up,” he said, wiping his hand over the corner of his eye as indignation overtook his sad heart. “Anything you want. Anything _you_ want, Jason Akio,” he said, pointing a direct finger to Jason’s chest. “Pick out something colorful and full of life, or something black and gray and artsy.” Ryan smiled and it felt good. “Obviously I need a new tattoo guy, since going all the way to L.A. to see Vern everytime I want something new would get pricey. We can find a guy together. Or a girl,” he amended. “We’ll find the perfect person to cover that up. If you want to,” he added quickly. “I’ve never had a cover up done, but I know people who have, and they always feel relieved when it’s done. Like it’s a new start.” 

Revealing the true nature of his tattoo had lifted some of the pain from Jason’s heart. Even though he knew he’d never forget the night he’d been tattooed against his will, the idea of changing it, covering it, was appealing. It was more than appealing, actually. It was something he’d never thought of, and it suddenly felt like a necessity. “I want to,” Jason whispered, reaching for Ryan’s hand. “We’ll go together, right? Once I decide, you’ll come with me, right?” 

“Of course,” Ryan answered, squeezing Jason’s hand. “We’ll look up tattoo studios together and pick one out. We can even go visit before you get it, and meet the artists. It will be fun.” He knew _fun_ wouldn’t exactly be the experience. More like _healing_ , but he would get to hold Jason’s hand while it happened, if he wanted him to. He’d get to watch something ugly become something beautiful, and Ryan was ready to experience that with Jason. 

Jason smiled at the sincerity and excitement in Ryan’s blue eyes. “It _will_ be fun,” he affirmed. It would be totally different than last time. “Now… come on… let’s finish this tree.” 

****

Chester stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror. He was fresh from the shower, but thankfully the exhaust fan had kept the mirror mostly fog-free. He scrubbed his towel over his brown curls one last time before he hung it up and headed for the walk-in closet. It was nice having the closet right off the bathroom, even though that was not something he would have ever thought of. 

He went right for his roller suitcase, and after looking over his shoulder one last time, he opened it. He’d stowed all his clothes away in the dresser, all but two very important items - a pair of pink lacy panties, and a pink and black flannel shirt. _Am I actually going to do this?_ He held the shirt up and looked it over. He’d bought it the week before, especially for this trip. He knew Mike would get a thrill out of seeing him in a flannel, and with panties on underneath, Chester was ready to give Mike all the feels. 

_And it’s the best time for it. We’re in the middle of nowhere,_ he thought as he slipped the flannel over his arms. _No one will see me. No one but Sexy Boy._ He took a moment to examine the pearl buttons and how thin the material was compared to the ones Mike wore. He had to figure it was because it was a woman’s shirt. He shrugged as he took his chosen pair of panties next. He slipped them on, being careful to tuck himself in and get everything arranged. He’d worn women’s underwear enough times now that he was used to the way the more dainty fabrics and cuts cupped his balls and held his penis in place. The restriction was always a little thrilling, and Chester grinned as he ran his hand down the front of the panties. They were lacy, very much like the first pair he had worn home from Score almost a year ago. 

Chester shut his eyes for a second, recalling how that evening had gone, when he’d come in with panties on under his jeans, and how turned on Mike had been. It was a new experience for them both, and it had started a new kink between them. Mike loved the panties, and Chester had become fond of wearing them. 

_I gotta stop,_ he warned himself the moment he felt his dick twitch under his hand. Getting worked up by himself in the closet wasn’t the plan. He took a deep breath and then closed up his suitcase and set it aside before going back out into the bathroom. 

He quickly inspected himself in front of the massive vanity mirror. He lifted the flannel and stuck his bottom out, admiring the curve of his ass and how the panties accentuated it. He turned and looked at the pink and black flannel from all sides. It had a much more flowy feel to the typical plaid pattern. The lines almost looked like brush strokes, and he had to figure Mike would appreciate that on an artistic level. 

After another moment of looking himself over, Chester was ready. He knew Mike was a little disappointed that he’d been told no when he asked to join Chester in the shower, but that would have ruined the surprise. Chester opened the bathroom door, and stuck his head out. He glanced around the bedroom, but Mike was nowhere to be seen, and that was okay. He flipped the bathroom light off, and headed for the living space of the cabin in nothing but his open flannel shirt, his panties, and the fluffy white monster feet slippers he’d brought along for the cold Washington weather. Their bottoms were rainbow colored, and in Chester’s head, they matched the rest of his outfit. 

He smiled the moment he saw Mike on the couch. He came up behind him, and leaned on the cushions, looking down at his boyfriend’s pouting face. Cheese was asleep by the fireplace. “Hey,” he said, holding back his smile, “hope I didn’t take too long in the shower.” 

“It wasn’t fair, Ches, you know we don’t get to shower togeth-” Mike started as he rolled toward his boyfriend. He stopped, confused, as the sleeve of Chester’s shirt registered in his mind. It wasn’t a t-shirt, like Chester usually wore with his pajama pants. It looked like a flannel, and Mike twisted and sat up. “Oohh, what are you wearing?” he cooed, all traces of pouting and whining gone as he took in the sight of the black and pink flannel that covered Chester’s arms and reached to touch it. It was hanging open enticingly, but Mike couldn’t see over the back of the couch. 

Chester reached his arm out so Mike could feel his sleeve. “You like it?” he asked, pulling his piercing in and holding it between his teeth in anticipation. 

“It’s soft,” Mike offered, rubbing over Chester’s arm before he looked up. “I never thought I’d see you voluntarily wearing flannel.” He grinned and tugged on the cuff of the shirt lightly. “Come around here and give me the full on runway treatment,” he said, motioning to the other side of the couch he was half laying, half sitting up on. “It’s my own private modelling show.”

Chester took his arm back. “Well you know, I don’t normally wear things like this,” he said, pointing over the pink and black pattern as he made his way around the couch. “But I thought, you know, it’s Christmas. Why not?” He stepped around to the foot of the couch, his flannel hanging open and showing off his bare chest. “I just wasn’t sure what to wear with it, so I went with a minimalist approach.” He swung his hips as he stepped around, giving Mike a full frontal view before he slowly turned. “I think it goes.” 

“Fuck, yeah, it goes,” Mike breathed, all of his senses on high alert as he got a view of the pink lace panties Chester was wearing with the flannel shirt. It was one of the hottest things he’d ever seen on him. He leaned forward and Chester stepped closer, and his hands went right under the open shirt to his lover’s pink lace hips. “Come here,” he said softly, pulling Chester forward a little more. He wanted Chester on his lap, where he could touch him and explore the panties and the flannel - and what was underneath them - a little more.

Without a word, Chester eased himself onto the couch, straddling Mike’s lap. Their crotches were lined up, and Chester made sure to get comfortable, wiggling around just a little. He had one hand on the back of the couch, the other pulling at the open flannel. “I saw this and thought of you,” he said with a grin. His knees were pressed into the couch, keeping most of his weight on them as he teased his fingers over the pearl buttons. “I know it’s not exactly like your flannels, but I like it.” 

“All you need is a pink bow on your head and you could be my Christmas present.” Mike ran his fingertips down the skin peeking out from the two edges of the flannel. He could feel the shiver that ran through Chester’s body and smiled. Even though it shouldn’t have, it blew Mike’s mind that Chester would buy a shirt just for him. “You hid this from me, you’re so naughty,” he teased, letting his hand drop to the front of the panties, where Chester’s cock was hiding. He stroked one thumb lightly over the outline of the lace, and he could already feel the arousal from observing the picture in front of him. Mike loved Chester in panties, and he wasn’t sure what that said about him, but he didn’t care. He reached a little higher up, brushing the shirt away from one of Chester’s small pink nipples so he could tease it with his fingernail. “So naughty,” he mumbled, sliding a finger under the edge of the panties. 

“Mhm,” Chester hummed, keeping his eyes open as he watched Mike’s face. Already his boyfriend’s eyes had gone a shade darker. Chester reached out and swiped a stray strand of hair back from Mike’s forehead before he said, “I brought them on the downlow, just to surprise...you.” His voice was low and breathy as he rubbed his hand over Mike’s shirt front - a long sleeve number that was a little thick to battle the cold weather. But Chester didn’t need the advantage of sight to know where things were on Mike’s body. His hand went right across his left nipple, and then over to the right before up towards Mike’s neck. Chester leaned forward a little, pressing his cock into Mike’s open hand. “I like being naughty,” he whispered. “For you.”

One of Mike’s hands went up into Chester’s hair and guided him down closer, even as the hand on the panties shifted to stroke the hard on that was forming under the lace. “I’m fucking lucky,” Mike whispered before he lifted his head enough to meet Chester’s lips. Despite the colder climate and his state of undress, Chester was warm, and Mike felt his insides clench in anticipation. He sucked gently on the lip ring, then ran his tongue over it before delving into Chester’s mouth. His fingers spread open, nestling into the brown curls that were still barely damp from the shower. The weight of Chester’s body on his was enticing, and Mike moaned softly as Chester’s tongue met his, slowly kissing him back. 

It was a passionate embrace, and Chester glided his open hand over Mike’s beard before they separated. He sat himself up a little more, his head going back as Mike rubbed over the front of the panties, his one digit still under the lace. It felt good to be touched, and even better with the barrier of lace between them. Even with Chester’s cock screaming to be released, keeping it locked up for the moment brought its own kind of sensation - its own kind of titillation that Chester was fond of. He wasn’t sure where that came from, or if it was a red flag of some sort, and he didn’t care. It got him hot. Fast. And already he was breathing heavy as he felt his tip get wet from behind its lacy cage. 

“No,” Mike said against Chester’s skin, following his boyfriend as he sat up on his lap. “You’re not going anywhere.” Both of his hands went to Chester’s hips and Mike pulled him down close against his hardening cock before he shifted their positions, carefully laying Chester down on his back on the couch. Chester’s legs were wrapped around Mike as he leaned over, pressing against him with another quiet moan. He spread the open flannel enough to kiss across Chester’s collarbone and then slowly down, marking every inch of skin with warm wet pecks. One of his hands braced against the back of the couch but the other slid down the space between the cushion and Chester’s small, lace covered ass, keeping their lower halves tightly connected.

Chester squeezed Mike between his legs as they moaned in unison. One hand went to the back of Mike’s head, and before he could stop himself, he had a fist full of hair. He pulled - not hard, but enough for Mike to feel it, and Chester felt the push of Mike’s hips down into his in response. He could feel Mike’s fingernails scraping against the lacy panties on his ass as they rocked together and Chester tugged on Mike’s hair again. His boyfriend was in a pair of joggers, and Chester reached as far as he could to try and get to them, to get his hand down the back of them as Mike kept him locked down against the couch. 

The second time Chester pulled at his hair, Mike gasped, his head popping up for them to make eye contact. “Keep doing that,” he said, scooting out of Chester’s reach to drop lower between his legs, moving his hand from Chester’s ass to the front of the panties again. He played for a moment with his hand and then leaned in, nudging Chester’s cock with his nose. A smile played on Mike’s lips at the way his penis played back, twitching against him like it was saying hello. With his lips parted he sent warm air through the panties, then mouthed at the erection trapped under the lace, pressing his lips and tongue all along his lover’s length. 

Chester kept his hand in Mike’s hair, tugging on it every minute or so. Sometimes a little harder, sometimes with a lighter touch, all while he dug his nails into the couch with his other hand. Mike’s mouth felt good. Everytime his tongue touched the lace, it was a mix of sensations. Wet and sticky against his hot skin. A partial barrier as heat filtered through the lace. “Fuuuck,” Chester whined, his back arching a little as Mike’s lips teased his cock. 

Mike could taste the precum through the lace, and he couldn’t wait any longer. He hooked his fingers over the top of the panties and pulled them down, and as soon as Chester’s cock was freed, he had him in his mouth. There had been enough teasing over top of the lace, and Mike didn’t mess around. He licked right in Chester’s slit, and was rewarded with a tug to his hair, which in turn had him moaning while his mouth was full. He gave as much of Chester’s length as he could take in all the attention he could, licking, sucking, swirling his tongue over the top of the mushroom head. Every time he hit a sensitive spot Chester would pull at his hair, and Mike’s hips would go into the couch cushion.

Chester’s eyes were closed as he let himself be freely consumed. He wanted to pull his knees up, but he couldn’t. The panties were in the way, pulled down just enough to free his cock. “Take them off, Mike,” he begged as he pushed at the lacy confines. “Please.” He lifted his head and opened his eyes to see what his boyfriend was doing as he let go of the chunk of hair he’d been holding onto. 

With a soft pop Mike pulled away enough to wiggle the panties down more, then lifted up completely. He pulled the lace scrap down to Chester’s knees and then skimmed his hand down the inside of one thigh. Neither of them needed to say anything for Chester to pull his leg out of one side of the panties, and then Mike pulled them off the other leg. He looked up, smiling at the sight of Chester laid out, still wearing the open pink and black flannel. The panties went over the side of the couch and Mike bent over to drag his lips up the inside of Chester’s leg. “Tell me what you want,” he whispered. “You want more?” he asked when he got close to Chester’s cock, and let his lips graze his ball sack. 

Chester nodded. “Yes,” he answered, reaching his hand out to fluff Mike’s bangs away from his forehead. “God, your eyes are so fucking sexy,” he whispered as he lifted his hips, his erect cock prodding towards Mike’s mouth. 

Mike held Chester’s gaze for an extra moment, then slid his hand over to help him as he licked his lips and got back to giving the blow job he’d been enjoying. With his hand around the base of Chester’s cock he dragged his tongue over the head again, his eyes closing as he savored the taste of his boyfriend. He pumped his hand slowly and matched the pace with the movement of his head, up and down, pausing to suck just at the head of Chester’s penis and then start again. He sent his tongue over every bit of flesh he could reach, as far down as he could go, and then almost pulled off again, his cheeks hollowed from the suction he was creating. It felt like every pass he made had Chester growing harder in his mouth, and it struck Mike that it had been ages since he’d sucked his lover all the way to release. He was going to do it right there on the couch, in front of the fire and the giant windows that were wide open to nature beyond them. 

Chester was breathing hard. The room was extra toasty warm from the fireplace, and he could feel that heat racing through his body. His balls were already tight. Mike using his hand in unison with his mouth was a sure way to get Chester off, and it had been so long since they’d last done this. His knees were up, one leg kicked over the back of the couch now as Mike sucked and swirled every which way around Chester’s cock. Mike’s tongue pressed against his slit, and Chester moaned loudly as his outside raised knee collapsed, his leg falling off the side of the couch, leaving his legs spread wide open. He blindly reached for Mike’s head, and curled his fingers back into his hair. “Uhhhhh, fuuuuck,” Chester moaned again before he groaned low in his throat. It was going to be hard to hold on much longer.

All the signals were there, though Mike knew this wasn’t how Chester had planned the evening. It didn’t matter. It was what Mike wanted, and his free hand went out to find Chester’s free hand, running down the flannel shirt sleeve to lace their fingers together. He squeezed Chester’s hand and went down as far as he could, his lips meeting his hand as he pulled up on Chester’s pulsing cock. He knew Chester was close, and he hummed a muffled “mmmmm” in encouragement. 

Chester squeezed his eyes shut. The build up was about to be released, and in that moment it wasn’t his normal picture show of Mike that flashed over his eyes, but total darkness. He was immersed in the moment. The sound of sucking, the warmth of the fireplace, the leather of the couch and the thin layer of sweat that was clinging to his back, the lighter than air flannel shirt that was draped over his arms, and the fresh smell from his shower - the beach and peaches - it was all intensified as he gasped and released. His eyes shot open to stare at the ceiling, exposed beams that were holding the modern cabin up. His mouth was still open as he felt the rush, the exit of his cum into Mike’s hot mouth, which was amazing. A sensation he loved, but hadn’t felt in awhile. Both his grips tightened in those few seconds, in Mike’s hair and their linked hands. His back arched, his head digging into the couch cushion as it happened. 

Mike went still, letting Chester ride it all out as he came until his body relaxed. With a gulp he swallowed, then took a few seconds to lovingly caress his tongue over Chester’s cock while he let go and spread his hand over Chester’s stomach. He could feel the trembles there, and with a last lick he lifted his head and then kissed the inside of Chester’s pale thigh that was right there by his face. “I love you,” he whispered, running his tongue over the roof of his mouth and swallowing again. Carefully he sat up, keeping Chester’s hand in his, and looked at his lover with a grin. He looked wiped out, and Mike loved it. He reached for the side of the flannel shirt with his free hand and tugged it. “Bet you wear this shirt again.” 

Chester’s head was to the side as he breathed, his body still coming down. “I knew you’d like it,” he mumbled before a long swallow and a hard sigh. He was hot, and his body felt both lit up and exhausted all at the same time. “It’s for you,” he added in a far off voice, his heart still beating fast from the rush. “It’s always all been for you.”

Mike let Chester’s hand go and reached to lower the leg he’d hooked over the back of the couch, trailing his fingertips down Chester’s leg as he did. A warm feeling crossed over his stomach at the words, and the way his boyfriend’s eyes were closed in exhaustion and satisfaction. He petted over his skin for a few more seconds. “Babe, let’s go to bed,” he offered, his own body calming down. Chester was right. So many times it was about him, his boyfriend selflessly giving all he had, whether that was keeping their apartment tidy, feeding him well, or satisfying Mike in the bedroom. Even with the sexy flannel shirt and panties, Chester had had Mike’s pleasure in the front of his mind. Mike wanted for tonight to be all about Chester.

“I’d pick you up and carry you, like in an old romance movie,” Mike giggled, low in his throat, “but I don’t think we’d make it far.”

Chester lifted his head with a smile. “You’d carry me?” he asked with a little smirk. Unlike Ryan, Mike was much closer to his size and weight, and Chester knew either of them trying to carry each other would be disastrous. “I think I’m okay,” he offered as he slowly sat himself up. He tugged at the sides of his pink and black flannel, straightening it out before asked, “What about you?” He trailed a finger down Mike’s arm. “I’m ready to return the favor, if you want. Or we can go lay in bed and naked snuggle,” he suggested, since it was clear his boyfriend wasn’t in the midst of arousal at the moment. His cheeks weren’t flushed, his eyes their normal shade of dark brown. He wasn’t sweaty or grabby, but simply sitting up with all his clothes still on as they talked. “We should find a Christmas movie to watch,” Chester suddenly suggested when Mike hesitated on an answer. “I’ll leave this sexy thing on.” He pointed at his flannel. “But I’ll grab some joggers and dish us out some ice cream and we can watch something. They always play Christmas movies this time of year on tv.” 

“Ice cream and Christmas and naked snuggles sound good. But, if you’re willing… I’m all for you leaving the shirt on. At least for a little while.” Mike tried to sound nonchalant about it as he stood up and held his hand out for Chester to take. He glanced over at Cheese, who had somehow managed to sleep during the action on the couch. “I’ll take her to the bedroom and look for a movie,” he said, nodding his head toward the puppy. The pink lace panties caught his eye and he leaned over to scoop them up, caressing them with his other hand. “These are definitely in the rotation, now.” 

Chester knew those panties needed to go in the laundry, and he was quick to say so. “Here, I’ll take them and then I’ll get our ice cream.” He plopped a kiss to Mike’s cheek before he left him standing there. He’d toss the lacy things in the dirty clothes, and then grab a pair of regular underwear to slip on while he was working in the kitchen to get their ice cream. It was going to be another relaxing evening, free of worry or stress over school or Score or Ryan, and that felt good. “Oh, Sexy Boy, look,” Chester said, right before he could disappear into the bedroom. He pointed out the huge floor to ceiling windows of the living room, looking out over the lake. “It’s snowing.” 

Mike lifted a sleeping Cheese and walked over to the windows to look out. He loved snow. It always brought happy memories. For a few seconds he looked out and watched the small flakes with Cheese still sleeping in his arms. _Pupper is sleepy, and so is Ches. We’re all tired. This vacation was so needed._ “It’s so pretty,” he whispered to the terrier. He held her warm body close to him, appreciating the moment before he started toward the bedroom. Nothing sounded better than laying in bed, watching the snow and enjoying the peacefulness with his boyfriend and his puppy. 

****  
TBC


	30. Christmas Day

The entire cabin smelled like French toast and bacon. Or what had been French toast and bacon. It was Christmas morning, and Chester was up early, making double-dipped French toast, bacon, and coffee. They didn’t have a tree at Forrest’s second home in Redmond, Washington, but it didn’t matter. All they had to do was look out the huge windows that encircled the entire house and they could see snow-topped trees everywhere. 

Chester was just cleaning up the kitchen one last time, wiping down counters and humming to himself something that was kind of like _Jingle Bells_ and kind of like _Deck The Halls_ , while he waited for Mike. Cheese had to go out, and since Chester had done the cooking, Mike had volunteered to take the puppy on her after-breakfast walk. _I hope they hurry. It’s cold out there._

Chester stopped, his eyes ghosting out the windows at the falling snow and the morning sunshine that was trying to shine through it. They’d gotten to take their puppy out on a brisk walk the day before in the afternoon when it wasn’t so cold. It was fun to watch her run around, but never getting too far away from them as they explored the parts of the forest that were closest to the cabin. But today would be too cold to do it again, and Chester was okay with that. Besides, they had presents to get to. 

He left his wipe rag draped over the sink counter before he washed his hands and then headed over to the couch where the fireplace was. Sitting on the coffee table was a pile of packages. Chester had to laugh. Of the four wrapped gifts, two of them were for Cheese. _Spoiled rotten dog,_ he scoffed lightly in his head as he examined the presents. Both of the ones he was giving were wrapped the same, in black shiny paper that had sparkly snowmen on them. The two presents Mike had wrapped were in blue paper with snowflakes. It was funny to think that even though they spent so much of their time together, and were _almost_ living together, they had managed to keep separate wrapping paper. 

Chester’s attention zeroed in on the small box that was to him from Mike. He wanted to pick it up and shake it, but he resisted as he sat down on the couch instead. As soon as Mike and Cheese came back in, it would be time to open everything anyway. _Cheese will love her stuffed mouse I got her. It matches her stuffed cheese toy. And she’s a terrier. It’s in her nature to want to chase mice and stuff._ It made sense in Chester’s head and he smiled at the present he was excited to give their puppy. The little gray mouse with big ears, holding a tiny piece of cheese would be one more toy she could chew on or chase down their hallway at home. 

Just as his attention turned to Mike’s present, the excitement doubling in his stomach, his boyfriend opened the door. Chester felt the instant chill as the wind outside followed them in. He got to his feet, looked over the double chairs, and smiled. Cheese had snow all over her. “She looks like she was rolling around in the snow!” he laughed as he rubbed his hands together. It was too cold to be in anything other than layers, and Chester had on his pink and black hoodie over his thick, New York jeans that actually did a good job keeping his legs warm. 

“She’s crazy!” Mike exclaimed, shaking his head. He knew there were snowflakes in his hair that would be melting quickly. “She’s got too much energy with it being so cold. We’re going to have to wear her out after presents.” He slid his jacket off and hung it up, and started for the bedroom. “I’m going to grab a towel real quick. She’ll be all wet and leaving a mess everywhere if I don’t dry the snow off.”

He didn’t wait for Chester’s approval, and Cheese didn’t hang around by herself, either. She followed Mike into the bedroom and the bathroom, where he snagged a towel to dry off his hair. He scrubbed it over his hair quickly and then knelt down to the puppy. “You’re so silly, Cheese,” he told her as he toweled her off. “All that wet snow. Was it fun? Huh? Did you have fun outside?” Mike laughed as she wiggled all over and then ran away, out to find Chester. _She’s hyperactive. I think she’s enjoyed being here as much as we have._

Mike left the towel in the hamper and ran his hands through his hair, trying to make it look a little more presentable. It didn’t matter. Chester wouldn’t say anything about it, even if it was the messiest it had ever been. He smiled and headed back out into the living room, where Cheese was zipping back and forth in front of Chester and the fire was going. It was warm and cozy, and it was time for presents. Mike was excited. 

“Maybe we should give Cheese her presents first, so she’ll have something to do while we open ours,” he told Chester as he met him on the couch. “She’s such a demanding little thing.” 

“I think we’ve completely ruined her,” Chester said with a cracked smile. He watched as Cheese rolled over onto her back, wiggling, like she was trying to scratch an itch. “She’s a mess. Cheese,” he said, raising the pitch in his voice. “Come here, Cheesy Girl, we got presents for you! It’s Christmas!” He patted both hands on his legs, and it was more than enough to get Cheese to spring up from the floor and run over to him. She was already up on her hindlegs, trying to get on the couch between them. “Okay, you can come up here and open your stuff,” Chester decided as he scooped her up and sat her on the couch before he reached for his gift to her first. “Open mine first, Cheesy Girl.” 

He held the package in front of her face, long enough for her to sniff at it, and gave it a poke with one paw, while they both laughed. “Should I just open it for her?” Chester asked, looking over at his boyfriend. “I’ve never given a dog a present before.”

“Yes,” Mike giggled, reaching over to pet down Cheese’s back. “She doesn’t know what to do. Open it up and see what she does.” 

“Okay. This is for you,” Chester said, making sure to show Cheese the gift one more time before he started to peel the paper back. It was an instant attraction for the puppy, who was practically in Chester’s lap trying to see what he was doing. 

A second later, the gray mouse was free. “See!” Chester told her holding it right up to her mouth. “It’s a toy for Cheese! A toy for Cheese!” The excitement in his voice was enough to get Cheese 100% on board with the cheese stealing mouse. She sniffed it all over before mouthing at it, and Chester let it go, leaving it on the couch for Cheese to chew on. “I think she likes it,” he mentioned as he watched her inspect it a little more before knocking it around with her nose.

“Of course she does. She can never have enough toys,” Mike said before he stopped, thinking. If he let the toy situation get out of control, Cheese would be with toys the way Chester was with shoes. “Well, that’s not true,” he amended, “she doesn’t need _too_ many toys. But that one is pretty cool. I’m just glad it doesn’t squeak. It would drive me nuts.” Mike reached over to the coffee table and pulled Cheese’s second toy over to the couch. “She probably won’t even pay attention to a second one.”

He squished the package in his hand. It didn’t make noise, either, but he would never pick out a toy that did. The rustle of the paper caught Cheese’s attention, though, and she looked over at him, the new mouse between her nose and one paw. “Cheese, you’ve got another present! You want to see?” he asked, and squished the package again.

Cheese was over in his lap in an instant, her nose bumping against his hand and the package. Mike looked up at Chester. “She knows it’s for her.” 

“I think she’s going to assume all the presents are for her. It’s not your birthday, Cheese. It’s Christmas. This is your last one,” he informed the puppy as he pointed to the package. “Go on, Sexy Boy, you’re torturing her by making her wait.” 

Mike rolled his eyes a little, but he knew Chester couldn’t see. “She’s fine,” he insisted, ripping the corner off his gift. Cheese sniffed at it and then he ripped it the rest of the way open. It was a pull toy, something she could bite one side of while he or Chester held the other, like a game of tug of war. Cheese sniffed it and looked up at him. “It’s for us to play with, Cheese!” Mike said, shaking it a little. “You pull on one side and I’ll pull on the other, see?” He pulled on the rope and showed her, but she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. “Maybe you’ll just chew on it,” he decided when she picked it up in her mouth and carried it over to the mouse. “Or, whatever,” he said when she laid down with both toys under her chin. 

“She likes them both. Look at her, hoarding her toys already.” Chester tossed Mike a smile before he reached over and squeezed his knee. “We’re good puppy parents, I think.” 

“Agreed.” Mike leaned closer, pecking a quick kiss to Chester’s cheek. “Thanks for making breakfast this morning, babe. It was yummy.” He reached over to pluck Chester’s gift from the table. Even though they had agreed on only one gift, Mike hadn’t been able to make up his mind between two options, and had decided to break the rules and put two items in one box. He hoped Chester wouldn’t be mad.

He plopped the small box in Chester’s lap. “Merry Christmas, Ches,” he whispered, and this time he left a kiss right on Chester’s lips. “I hope you like it.” 

“I’m sure I will,” Chester said as he carefully pulled the paper back at the corners, and then off all together. It was a small white box with no markings on the outside. It didn’t weigh hardly anything, and Chester scratched his head. “I have no idea what this is,” he said, only glancing Mike’s way before he opened the lid. He really hadn’t tried to guess when he first saw the box on the coffee table earlier that morning, but the two pairs of plugs took him completely by surprise. One set was black and white checkered boards, and the other were a zebra pattern, with the characteristic light green tint. “These are glow in the dark,” he whispered as he picked out the zebra ones first. He looked over at Mike. “Thank you. Mike, these are great!” He held one up to his ear, right over the clear plug he had in. “How does it look? Use your imagination,” he giggled. “I’ll try them on for real after you open yours.” 

“They’re gonna look awesome,” Mike said with a grin. “I know how much you like your glow in the dark lip ring, I thought those might be fun. I’m glad you like them.” He reached over and lightly rubbed his thumb and first finger over Chester’s earlobe, from the top down to the bottom where the current plug was. “I can’t wait to see them on you.” 

“They’re going to be sexy as hell,” Chester said, his voice dropping to something more sensual as he leaned over and kissed his boyfriend’s lips, nice and slow. “I love them. And I love you.” He looked down at his gift before he put the plugs away and left them on the coffee table. “But now it’s your turn,” he said, pointing to the bigger, heavier box he’d wrapped for Mike. Even though he was 99.9999% sure Mike would love what he got him, he was still nervous. Mike had given him jewelry, and that seemed more intimate than what Chester had picked out. 

Mike took the box from the table and held it for a moment. It was bigger than the box he’d given Chester, but flatter, and he had no idea what might be inside. The most exciting part about their gift giving was the ability to surprise each other, which Mike did not take for granted. They knew each other well enough to buy things that the other person loved without having to ask for suggestions, and he knew how special that was. Like a child he tore into the paper, flipping the box over to look at a new set of oil pastels - the super nice, expensive kind he loved but hadn’t had in ages. It wasn’t just a set of twelve, either. Chester had gone all out and gotten him forty-eight, and they even came in their own protective case. “Wow, look at these!” he said excitedly, dropping the paper next to Cheese and lifting the latch on the case of Sennelier oil pastels. “You remembered my favorite brand of supplies! These are awesome!” 

Chester couldn’t hold back his smile. “I know you’ve been wanting them. The lady at your favorite store helped me pick them out. It has all your colors,” he pointed at the multiple rows of crayon-like pastels. “You can make lots of awesome art pieces with them.” 

Mike snapped the case shut and reached over for Chester’s hand. “You are the best, you know that? I love these. I’m excited to use them. And you’ll like them, too, they don’t smell like my paint does.” He put his new supplies on the coffee table and turned back to Chester, scooting a little closer. “Thank you,” he whispered, pulling his boyfriend into a hug. “This whole week has been great, and this was like the cherry on top.” 

Chester didn’t pull away. Instead he snaked his arm between Mike’s back and the couch, and laid his head on Mike’s shoulder. “It has been great. It’s been so nice to be away from everyone and everything...just the two of us. Well, three of us,” he said with a short smile and a glance down at Cheese, who was trying to chew on both toys at once. “I hate that we have to go back the day after tomorrow. It’s going to be hard to leave all this privacy.” He nuzzled his nose into the crook of Mike’s neck before he kissed him there. “Merry Christmas, Sexy Boy.” 

“Merry Christmas, Ches. It is going to be hard to go back, but at least I don’t go right back to class. There’s still a few weeks before the semester starts.” Mike stroked his hand up and down Chester’s back. “I’m glad we still have the rest of today, and tomorrow. I’m sure we can think of some fun stuff to do to fill that time,” he said suggestively, turning to kiss the top of Chester’s head. 

“I have no doubt,” Chester chuckled. He was getting ready to twist, to toss one leg over Mike’s lap and really get some good kisses in, but his phone rang instead. “I can ignore it,” he offered as he pulled back and fished his cell phone from his pocket. “Oh, it’s Ry. He probably wants to say Merry Christmas.” He went to accept the FaceTime call, but stopped. He looked Mike’s way, checking to see if he had an opinion. They were on vacation after all, it was supposed to be just them until they got back to L.A.

“Go ahead.” Mike gestured at the phone. “I’m going to go make some more coffee. You want some?” He waited for Chester’s nod and stood up. “Tell Ryan Merry Christmas for me.” He left Cheese on the couch with Chester and made his way to the kitchen. A little more coffee sounded good, and it would let Chester talk for a few minutes alone. Mike knew that he and Ryan hadn’t checked in for days. Nothing about the phone call on Christmas Day felt threatening to him, and he even considered going back in to say hello himself when the coffee was ready. 

The moment Mike was off the couch and on his way to the kitchen, Chester accepted the call with a huge smile on his face. “Merry Christmas!” 

“Chazzy! Merry Christmas!” Ryan cheered back before he waved at his phone, making Chester laugh. “I hope it’s okay that I’m calling. I just wanted to talk for a few minutes, tell you Merry Christmas and all that sappy stuff.” 

“It’s fine,” Chester assured him before he stood up. He took his box with the two pairs of new plugs and headed into the bedroom to get to the bathroom. “We just opened our presents. Cheese got toys, of course. I got Mike his art stuff he wanted, and look!” He flipped his phone around so Ryan could see into the box. “Aren’t they neat?” 

“Plugs? I like the checkers,” Ryan offered. Chester was still walking, so his view of the box was a little shaky. “They look cool. Good job on Mike’s part, picking something stylish. You must be rubbing off on him.” 

“I better be. It’s been fucking years,” Chester laughed as he stepped into the bathroom and flipped on the light. He heard Ryan protest. “Oh stop it, you vampire. I’m in the bathroom so I can put these in. The zebra ones are glow in the dark!” He headed for the vanity, and carefully sat his phone down, so Ryan could see him. “How’s that?” 

“I see you. Do I get the honor of watching you do this while we talk?” 

“Of course.” 

Ryan rolled his eyes. “You’re such an attention whore.” 

Chester gasped as he looked at his phone, where Ryan was laughing. “You take that back,” he ordered playfully before he flipped his hand through the air. “Whatever. I’ve got new plugs. Be jealous.” 

“Oh, I am,” Ryan snorted before he let out a sigh. It was nice to see Chester so happy, and clearly having a good time. “So I guess life at the cabin is good?” 

“It is,” Chester agreed without issue as he took his clear plugs out. “It’s super nice, Ry. You know I’m not a fan of the weather up here, it’s too cold, but it’s been really relaxing. There’s a lake view and it’s snowing. Mike loves it.” 

“That’s awesome. I’m glad you guys got to go there.” Ryan turned his head to look out the living room windows. “It’s snowing here, too. Jay and I got a Christmas tree. Want to see?” 

Chester’s attention snapped right to his phone. “Really? I mean, yeah.” He waited, watching as Ryan flipped the camera on his phone, and soon the blue and silver decorated tree came into view. “It’s pretty,” Chester said, and a minute later Ryan’s face came back on the screen. “That’s cool, Ry. I know we didn’t get to have a tree last year because of...stuff going on. So that’s your first one with Jay, right?” 

“It is. We picked out everything together. Jason’s upstairs,” Ryan said, nodding his head towards the other side of the room. “He’s taking a shower and then we’re going to try and cook lunch later. We have a recipe.” 

Chester stopped again, both his earlobes empty as he stared at his phone. “You and Jay are going to cook?” 

“You bet. We’re going to try and make a ham with homemade stuffing and glazed baby carrots. I know that sounds like a lot, but we want it to be nice. We even got candles for the table.” 

The giddy expression on Ryan’s face was more telling than anything he ever could have said, and Chester felt his insides warm a little more. “Ry, I’m so happy for you guys. Really. I can’t even put words to it. I’m glad you’re there with Jay and things are good.” 

“They are,” Ryan agreed quickly. “I’ve never looked so forward to Christmas in my life.” 

Chester was getting ready to pop one of the zebra plugs in, just as he glanced at his phone in time to see Ryan run his hand over his face. “What’s that?” Chester asked, leaving his ears alone for a second. “On your finger...was that...your ring?” 

“Oh, yeah. Jay had them,” Ryan explained as he held his hand up, showing off the blue and silver ring. “He took them from my room to keep them safe when you and him were there looking for Rob’s address. He’s wearing his, too.” 

Chester was stunned. Even though Ryan assured him that things between him and Jason were solid, it was still a shock to see the long discarded promise rings. “Wow,” he whispered as he picked up his phone. He glanced over at the empty doorway, and a second later, he was shutting the bathroom door and sitting down on the toilet seat, staring down at his phone. “Ry, are you guys really serious like that?” 

Ryan glanced towards the stairs. He couldn’t hear the shower - on or off - so he had no idea of knowing exactly what Jason was doing. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he returned Chester’s concerned expression. “Yeah. We are serious. I meant it when I told you I was sure, Chaz. There’s no doubt. Everything this time, it’s all so different. He’s different. We’re different,” he tried to explain as he touched the front of his black muscle shirt. “It’s nothing like when we were trying to be together in secret around Mark, or even after Mark was gone. This is...so much more.” 

Chester sucked on his lip ring as he listened. He remembered very clearly when Ryan had picked out those promise rings, when he’d given Jay the ring that he couldn’t even wear. He also remembered how heartbroken Ryan had been when he’d shown up at Amir’s, confessing that he wasn’t going to Seattle, and Jason had handed his ring back. _But I know Jason’s different. I saw it when he was in L.A. Not different, just...back to being himself._

“Ry, I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all. It seems really fast.” 

“It is fast,” Ryan admitted. “But that doesn’t mean it’s bad or that I’m going to get hurt. My gut tells me it’s right, Chaz. Jay hasn’t taken that ring off since he put it back on, and he’s not going to. We’re in this for good.” 

The absolution in Ryan’s voice was enough, and Chester smiled. “I’m damn happy for you. For you both. Tell Jason we said Merry Christmas, okay?” 

“I will. And tell Mike we said it back. Now hurry up and put those plugs in before you have to go. I know we can’t talk all day. You have a Shinoda to look after, and we have a massive lunch to try and cook.” 

Chester smiled as he stood up and headed back over to the mirror. “I _do_ have a Shinoda to take care of. You should see him with snow in his hair. He’s so fucking cute.” 

“Oh god,” Ryan groaned playfully before they both started laughing. 

Mike could hear Chester in the bathroom, and rolled his eyes. There was no telling how long his boyfriend would be on the phone. He finished stirring cream and sugar into Chester’s coffee, and dropped it off on the coffee table for him. The new oil pastels were sitting right there, and Mike resisted the urge to take them back into the kitchen with him. He could try them out at the table, but he didn’t have the proper paper with him and didn’t want to waste them. The colors were so pretty, though, and he sighed and sat down on the couch with his mug. Cheese crawled right over and put her head on his leg, both toys abandoned behind her. 

“You’re so silly,” he whispered to the dog, scratching behind her ears. “Not a half hour ago you were running everywhere, now you look like you need a nap.” He petted her absently as a word here and there from Chester drifted through the cabin. It was relaxing to sit with Cheese and wait, sipping his coffee and alternating his gaze between the fireplace and the huge windows with the Christmasey scene. His mind drifted forward, thinking about the rest of the day, about getting under the thick blankets in the bed and cuddling. A smile crossed Mike’s face when he thought about cuddling, and about where that would probably end. They hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other the entire time they were at the cabin, and he knew the afternoon and evening would be the same.

He was wondering about Chester’s plans for dinner when his phone rang. Mike reached for it without really caring who it might be, shock rippling through him when he saw _Mom_ at the top of his phone. He hit the side button on the phone to silence it while he stared at the screen, wondering if he should answer the call. He hadn’t talked to her in so long he almost couldn’t remember her voice.

Just seeing her name made his insides ache. _What if something is wrong with her? Or Dad? Why else would she be calling out of nowhere?_ He debated with himself long enough that the call went to voicemail, and when the screen went black, Mike let out a shaky breath. He didn’t know if she’d leave a message or not. _It’s Christmas. Maybe she just decided to be my mom again for a minute and tell me Merry Christmas._ He watched the screen bitterly, and soon a notification popped up. He had a voicemail.

Mike glanced toward the bedroom. Chester was still talking to Ryan. He decided to listen to the voicemail, not because he expected anything from his parents, but to be certain they were both okay. Despite everything, despite the years of being pushed aside and on his own, Mike loved them. Even his hardass father, who Mike was sure influenced his mother to turn him out. He held the phone up to his ear, his eyes shutting tightly as soon as he heard his mother’s voice.

_Michael, it’s your mother. It’s Christmas Day. I wanted to tell you Merry Christmas. I know we haven’t talked in a long time, I was hoping you would answer._

There was a pause, and Mike shook his head. No way he was answering the phone. 

_I hope you’re having a good day, Bear, and that we can talk soon. You can call me anytime. I love you._

Mike could hear the sigh on the other end of the line before his mom disconnected. He lowered the phone and just sat there. Part of him wanted to call her right back and tell her everything about his life, college, and Chester, and his puppy. _She’d love Cheese._ But the other part, the stubborn part whose heart still hurt, who knew it had been years since she’d even tried to talk to him, refused to do it. _Even if she sounded nice. Even if she really misses me. Calling me Bear._ He picked up Cheese and tried to shove away the hurt he was feeling. He wasn’t going to let his mom’s unexpected call ruin the day. 

He sat there for a few minutes, stroking the puppy’s fur and thinking. _I don’t want to talk about it. Is that keeping secrets? It’s not like she’s going to call back or anything. So I don’t have to say anything. I don’t want to ruin our day. I’m just not going to think about it._ Mike slid off the couch with Cheese and headed into the bedroom, laying down on the blanket with her. He smiled when she climbed right up next to him and snuggled close to his chest. “Thanks, Cheese,” he whispered, closing his eyes to wait on his boyfriend. 

Chester took one last look at himself in the bathroom mirror. His phone call with Ryan was over, and now it was serious business to make sure his new zebra print glow in the dark plugs looked good. _They’re awesome. I can’t believe Ry and Jay are wearing their rings again. So soon. I wish I had as much confidence as Ry._

Chester leaned back from the mirror, straightening his posture as Mike’s face came to mind. He loved his boyfriend, and over the months since their breakup and reunion, Mike had shown himself to be trustworthy, the loving partner Chester had fallen for years ago. _But it’s still hard,_ his heart cried softly as he dropped his eyes to the sink.

Being replaced. Being lied to. Losing his home, his independence, and most of all his closest companion, in one swoop, it all still stung when he thought about it. It was scary to think about what life would look like if it ever happened again. Things were so good, better than they ever had been, even before their relationship had imploded. It would be twice as devastating if history repeated itself. 

_I gotta try not to think like that. It’s not moving on if I can’t fully trust him. Right?_ Chester ran his hand over his face, and down to his chin. The sight of his rose gold bracelet caught his attention. He took a second to look at it, to read the engraving which simply read, “Mike”. _He never took it off. He told me that. Neither of us ever took them off._

It was an empowering thought. Even if his boyfriend had made a mistake, his heart hadn’t left Chester, and that meant something. Every single day he felt like they were growing closer, and he wanted that to continue. The new year was coming, and Chester was ready for it to be a good year. A year to put the past year to shame. 

He smiled at himself before he turned to leave the bathroom. He wanted to show Mike the plugs, and get his share of the coffee his boyfriend had said he was making. He flipped off the lights and stepped out to see Mike lying on the bed with Cheese. He smiled instantly. Mike’s dark bangs were in his face, as he petted their puppy. “Family snuggling without me?” Chester whined playfully as he crawled onto the bed, facing Mike. Cheese flipped around to look at him, before she rolled over and nipped at his hand, making them both chuckle a little. “What do you think?” he asked, twisting his head and pointing to his earlobe. 

“Those are going to look so cool in the dark.” Mike reached out and tapped one lightly as Cheese wiggled between them. “I’m glad you like them. It took me forever to pick them out. There’s so many different styles!” He rolled a little more onto his back and stretched, keeping all thoughts of the recent voicemail out of his mind. He pointed his toes to the bottom of the bed and his hands the opposite direction, and yawned. “I made more coffee,” he reminded his boyfriend. “How are things with Ryan?” 

Chester sat up a little, and leaned on his elbow. “He’s good. They got a Christmas tree and stockings. It all looks really pretty. They’re going to try and cook a Christmas lunch. Ham and stuffing and carrots, I think he said.” He shrugged as he briefly thought about the food Ryan had rambled off. “I’ll be impressed if they get the stuffing and the ham to come out. Carrots are a breeze. They’re...they’re wearing their promise rings again,” he mentioned. “He said Jay found them in his room at Talinda’s while we were there looking for Rob’s address - which I didn’t even know about,” he said, pressing a hand to his chest. “And now they’re wearing them.” 

“Wow.” Mike rolled his head to look at Chester. _We’ve been back together for months. So much longer than Ryan and Jay._ “That’s fast.” He didn’t know what else to say. Part of him wasn’t even sure why Chester felt it necessary to tell him that. It was like rubbing salt in a wound. _Jason is forgiven, but I’m not. Ryan is all in, but Ches isn’t._

“It is fast,” Chester agreed. He looked down at Cheese, who was on her back, her legs in the air, but she was motionless. “I just hope they both know what they’re doing.” He pursed his lips as he decided not to say anymore. He knew Ryan well, and if Ryan was sure, Chester was going to hope for the best, not focus on what might go wrong. “What do you want to do for the rest of the day?” he asked. “I need to call my mom and wish her a Merry Christmas, but after that, I’m all yours.” He sat the rest of the way up. “Follow me to get my coffee?” 

“Yep.” Mike sat up, too. Cheese flipped over and came right to him, and Mike picked her up again, putting his face in her fur and giving her a kiss. He could feel her tiny heartbeat under his hand. He didn’t want to talk about Ryan and Jason, or moms, or anything else. He just wanted to drink coffee and spend time with Chester and Cheese. It was going to take him a minute to get his thoughts in the right headspace for the rest of the day. “I’m right behind you,” he mumbled with Cheese still close, following Chester back into the living room. Mike decided he would think of how he wanted to spend the rest of the day while Chester called his mother - anything to avoid calling his own. 

****

Jason checked the recipe again and looked over the countertop, checking to see if the two of them had set out every ingredient they needed for the homemade stuffing before they got started. It seemed like an awful lot of components, and he wasn’t sure either of them really knew what they were doing, but it didn’t matter. They were going to be doing it together, and even if the stuffing didn’t end up being nice and fluffy, or seasoned just right, it would be their first attempt at making something that complicated together.

_Complicated._ He rolled his eyes at himself. _It’s not complicated. Just a lot of stuff and a lot of steps. But we can do it._ He glanced over at Ryan, who was looking into the oven at the ham that had already been there for hours. “You ready to do this, Ry?” he asked, propping the recipe up against the backsplash. He pushed the sleeves of his long-sleeved t-shirt up and waited. 

“I want the ham to be done already,” Ryan whined lightly. “It smells so good.” He smiled Jason’s way before he decided he needed to wash his hands before they tackled the stuffing. He stepped over to the kitchen sink and turned the water on. There was both hand soap and dishwashing liquid at the ready, so there was no need to disappear into the powder room just to wash up to cook. “That seems like a lot of ingredients for stuffing,” he said the moment he turned off the water and grabbed the nearby hand towel. He looked past Jason at the stack of spices, herbs, celery, onions, eggs, and bits of bread. “I can chop up the celery and onions. I know how to do that.”

Jason peered at the steps on the list. “Okay, that works. I’ll measure all of these spices and stuff… and do whatever you do with herbs.” He looked at the bunches of sage and rosemary and shrugged. “Oh, but not until I get the chicken stock going. Duh. That’s first.” He bent down to get a stock pot from under the cabinet, smiling when he felt Ryan’s hand tap at the rear of his jeans. “I thought you just washed your hands,” he teased, straightening up to put the pot on the stove and reaching for the containers of chicken stock. 

“I did. But your ass was asking for it,” Ryan said with a smirk as he pulled the cutting board from its place by the microwave. He placed it on the counter, out of the way as Jason worked on the chicken stock. “I’ll chunk these up pretty small. Talinda taught me,” he said as he took the celery out of the packaging first. He peeled off three stocks and lined them up before grabbing one of the larger knives from the sliced woodblock set off to the right. It was a lot like the set Chester had at the loft and the daintier set Talinda kept in her kitchen, so Ryan knew exactly which size knife he wanted. “I’m not sure on the herbs,” he admitted honestly as he started on the celery. “I guess it’s just like everything else? Cut it up real small?” He shrugged. “Talinda taught me a lot, but she wasn’t much for fresh herbs. She always used the stuff in the containers. And you know Chaz wouldn’t let anyone help in his kitchen, fresh ingredients or not.” 

It was satisfying to see the chicken stock in the pot, even if that was only the first of many steps. Jason turned the stove on and looked at his recipe card again. The vegetables were supposed to go in the stock, then the herbs and spices, and once it cooked a little, all they had to do was add the bread and the egg, and put it in the oven alongside the ham. “Once you’ve cut everything up, it goes in the pot with the stock. To get soft, I suppose.” He watched Ryan dice for a minute and was impressed. “You’re like a professional, Ry. Look at those. All nice and uniform.” He leaned close and kissed the very bottom of Ryan’s earlobe, letting his warm breath fan over Ryan’s ear. “It’s sexy. You cutting vegetables is sexy.” 

Ryan stopped just long enough to lean into Jason’s teasing. “Thanks,” he said with a shy smile. “I was basically slave labor at Talinda’s, so you know. I’m glad these skills are coming into use.” The moment he was done with the celery, he left his knife on the cutting board, so he could lean down and plop a kiss to Jason’s lips, and then one to his cheek as he whispered, “It’s nice we can do this together.” He looked back at his pile of diced celery. “Is that enough?” 

“Hmmm.” Jason stepped back and picked up the recipe card. “We’re supposed to measure it. I have a measuring cup… somewhere.” He opened one of the frosted glass cabinets and scanned the contents, and then another. “Here we go.” He set a glass measuring cup on the counter and scooped the celery into it, making a show of bending over to see how much there was, and wiggling his ass in Ryan’s direction a little. “Looks like it’s enough.”

He dumped it into the chicken stock and put the cup back on the counter. “That’s for your onions,” he said, and turned his attention to the spices he needed to measure. There were so many different measurements and he concentrated on using the right measuring spoon for each one. “Maybe you can text Chaz and ask about this sage and rosemary,” he said over his shoulder. 

It was hard not to stop and stare at Jason’s little wiggling ass every time he bent over, but Ryan was trying. He had a job to do, if they were ever going to get to eat. He set his mind to chopping up the onion next, even as he kept a sideways glance on Jason measuring out the spices. “That’s a good idea. He’ll get a kick out of me asking him a cooking question. Oh, we should call Brad later. Wish him a Merry Christmas. Is he doing anything for the holiday? I think Chester said the campus cafeteria stays open, even when classes aren’t in. He said a lot of students will have Christmas dinner there. That’s got to be depressing, I would think. Eating at school on Christmas.” He shrugged. “Guess that’s better than being alone.”

Jason measured the last thing he needed the measuring spoons for - salt - and dumped it in the stock pot. “It’s too expensive for a lot of international students to go home, so a lot of colleges keep things open by offering mini sessions between semesters. There’s the added benefit of being able to finish school faster, too,” Jason mentioned, thinking about friends he’d made at UCLA a decade ago. He’d never been able to socialize much outside of classes, but he’d had a group of people that went through the business program with him. Some of those students were Korean, Japanese, Indonesian, and Jason remembered that a few of them were on full scholarships. They never went home on breaks, and the university housing and cafeteria stayed open, along with some classes. Jason never took mini session classes. Jason went home every day. He couldn’t imagine what his college experience would have been like if he hadn’t been married to Mark.

It would have been different for certain, but at least he didn’t have tons of student loan debt. Mark didn’t matter anymore. He was gone, and Jason wasn’t going to dwell on any part of that. Mark was the past, and right now he was measuring things and cooking with Ryan. It was Christmas, his first one with Ryan. He dropped the measuring spoons in the sink and turned around to watch Ryan from behind. “We can call Brad later, after dinner. Who knows, he may have dinner plans with his professor friend.” Jason crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. It was starting to smell good in the kitchen. 

“Yeah, maybe he does,” Ryan agreed, before his next thought hit. He kept his eyes on his work as he asked, “Are you going to tell him about us?” He waited, making sure he diced the onion in small pieces. There had been many times over their months of living together at the loft that he had wanted to see Brad, and Jason had always, in his best polite manner, told Ryan no. _He was keeping us secret back then. Even from Brad._ It was a moment of doubt - of worry - over what Jason would say now. For a second he thought to offer an out, to mention that Jason didn’t have to answer that, or even tell him it was okay if he wasn’t ready to tell Brad about them, but he didn’t. His attention left the onion long enough to look at the promise ring on his finger. He was done being a secret, and he was hoping Jason wouldn’t ask him to be. 

Jason uncrossed his arms and stepped over behind Ryan, sliding his arms around his lover. “He probably already knows. I always wondered how he didn’t figure it out. Did I ever tell you he had a vision about us together?” He kissed Ryan’s shoulder over top of his shirt and then rubbed his cheek against his back. “He said I was in love, and at peace. With a dark haired man with beautiful eyes.” Jason smiled, his cheek pressed into Ryan’s shoulder blade. “I was totally speechless, terrified he’d put it together.” 

“No,” Ryan said as he scooped the bits of onion into the measuring cup. “You never told me. When did he say that?” 

“It was a long time ago,” Jason said, his eyebrows furrowing in thought. It was right after Mike had come to YRS, and if he was remembering correctly, it was the afternoon after the first time he’d filmed Mike and Chester. _Yeah. If I’m remembering correctly, Mark dragged Ry off after that. He was so pissed about Mike’s mouth that day._ He squeezed Ryan tighter, unwilling to bring that up. “Years ago,” he decided, stepping back. “At any rate, he never seemed to figure out the person he saw me with was you. Or maybe he was just nice enough not to say anything with Mark around. I’d love to see the look on his face when I tell him.” Jason picked up the measuring cup Ryan had just scooped onions into, and then dumped it into the pot. “We’ve got a few minutes while the vegetables cook,” he said, turning back around as Ryan rinsed his hands. “Text Chaz about the sage and stuff, so we can get this in the oven. I’ve got some ideas for how to pass the time while it cooks.” He threw Ryan a flirty look and a kiss. 

The statement of _years ago_ caught Ryan’s attention. It was crazy to think back, to count up just how many years he and Jason had been together. It was no wonder his heart was never able to really get over Jason, even when he was in the company of other people. “You got it,” he answered as he dried his hands and took his phone from his pocket. “Hopefully he’ll give me a simple answer, and not something with fifteen steps in it. And I love Brad, and totally believe in his visions...but yeah, sometimes it felt like he couldn’t see the forest through the trees.” 

“Yeah. It’s like he couldn’t see the things closest to him. He never saw Mark’s true colors, that’s for sure.” Jason made himself busy, rinsing off the prep tools they had used so far and stowing them in the dishwasher while Ryan texted Chester. _He never saw how Mark treated me. He never questioned my headaches. It seems so unbelievable now._ He shook his head, trying to figure it all out. _Maybe he did know, and he was like the rest of us. Unable to do anything about it. So ignoring it was the way he coped. We all had our own ways to cope._

The knife and cutting board was about to be next, but Ryan mumbled a quick instruction to leave it, and Jason waited. He looked at the sage and rosemary leaves again and wondered if it was going to have to be chopped up, and if so, if he could sweet talk Ryan into doing it for him. He wasn’t much with a knife. 

“In fairness,” Ryan said as he zipped his fingers across his phone, thanking Chester for the quick tips on the herbs, “Mark had a lot of people fooled. Not that it matters now. If Brad’s not totally upset about us, we should invite him up sometime. I’d love to see him. I don’t think I’ve even gotten to talk to him since we cleaned out the house in the hills.” He pocketed his phone before taking the few steps back over to the cutting board. “I’ve gotta chop this one up,” he said, pointing to the rosemary. “And that one we toss in whole, and then fish the leaves out after it’s done boiling.” 

“Wouldn’t it be fun, and weird, if he brought his professor with him?” Jason tried to imagine Brad in their house with a woman. It was so far out of the realm of the reality he’d lived in for years with Brad that the idea was almost impossible to visualize. Brad was a few years older than he was, and had been part of the Mark package when Jason found his way to YRS. He’d never stopped to question anything about Brad’s personal life, and the thought that Brad was the closest thing he had to family left was one that made him feel guilty. He should call more often. 

“I can’t even imagine,” Ryan laughed as he worked with the rosemary. “But that would be fun. We could take them out, show them our city. Do like a double date kind of thing. Unless that would be weird for him...seeing you with someone else. What if they’re one of those lovey-dovey couples?” he asked before he gasped. “I’ve never seen Brad kiss anyone before. Or do anything. Not even hold hands.” 

Jason covered his mouth with his hand as he laughed. “Oh my God! You’re right!” It was too amusing, thinking of Brad and his giant hair kissing anyone. “I guess we’ll find out, someday.” He watched while Ryan added the sage and rosemary to the pot, then transferred the cutting board and knife to the dishwasher. “Brad. He’s a good guy.” Jason shook his head and picked up the recipe card, checking to be certain everything was in the pot that needed to be there. As soon as the vegetables were soft, they would add the bread and the egg, and that was it. He looked over into the simmering broth. “I think we’re doing a good job so far,” he offered, smelling the steam coming from the pot. “Just a few more steps and it will be ready for the oven. Then it’s just carrots, and we’ll be all set for Christmas dinner.”

“Chaz said the carrots are easy, so I’m not even worried.” Ryan washed his hands and dried them off before he scooted behind Jason. He wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed the back of his neck. “I’m glad we’re together,” he said, before he dragged his lips from one side of Jason’s neck to the other. “Making and sharing Christmas dinner with you has been in my dreams for a long time.” He stopped in thought. “I guess we had Christmas dinner together last year, but Chaz cooked the whole thing. We were all so sad,” he mumbled as his eyes closed, memories of the somber Christmas at the loft shortly after Mark’s funeral crashed over him, but he forced them away with a heavy sigh. “I’m done being sad.” 

Jason twisted in Ryan’s arms, his hand going right to the side of Ryan’s face. “Me, too. I’m done being sad, and I’m glad we’re together. We’ve waited a long time for this. Been through so much, for this.” He let his fingers drift over the freshly cropped scruff and over to Ryan’s lips, stroking them softly. “I’m lucky you decided to come live here. I know it’s not your first choice, the rain and the lack of sun, but you have to admit it’s great snuggling weather.” He admired the sparkle in Ryan’s blue eyes and then leaned close and whispered, “great _sex_ weather,” before he pressed their lips together softly.

Ryan’s immediate attention shot over Jason’s shoulder and out the living room windows. It was snowing, and he could see the wind had picked up from earlier. “It’s cold outside right now,” he announced, looking back at his boyfriend’s impish expression. “Clearly we need to move this operation to the bedroom. Or the couch,” he decided. “Since we have to keep an eye on the vegetables.” He didn’t wait. He leaned down, bringing their lips together as he slid both his hands up under Jason’s sweater, stroking them up and down his warm back. It was only a matter of seconds before he had Jason pressed against the counter, rocking his hips into him as he lightly clawed his fingernails down Jason’s hidden skin.

“Mmmm,” Jason hummed softly. He loved the feel of being pinned by Ryan’s weight. There was complete understanding between them, what was okay in terms of being held and what wasn’t. Ryan knew him well enough to know how much pressure was the right amount, when to back off, when to not hold him too tightly, the way he reacted when it was too much. Jason trusted him completely, and he broke the kiss to lean his head back and murmur, “the couch,” as Ryan’s lips went down his neck. Vegetables were now the last thing on his mind and he moved his hands over Ryan’s biceps and held on tightly. 

The thought to scoop Jason up and carry him over to the couch crossed Ryan’s mind, but he let it go quickly. In times past, he could have easily managed the handful of steps from the kitchen to the couch, carrying his boyfriend bridal style. But Ryan still wasn’t back to his pre-addiction physique yet, and he didn’t want to chance it. Admitting he couldn’t do it, or worse, dropping Jason, would be awful. 

Instead he stepped back, putting breathing room between them. He took a second to admire the slight pink color on his lover’s cheeks and the way his sweater was now slightly disheveled. That was a personal victory in Ryan’s book. He smiled as he bowed and gestured towards the couch. “After you, Jason Akio.”

The sudden loss of Ryan’s body made Jason’s insides all mixed up, as did the way Ryan said his name. A tingle went down his spine every time. Jason reached for Ryan’s hand and pulled him along to the couch, tugging at the neck of his sweater as he went. “We can see the snow from here,” he said, plopping down and looking up at Ryan. “Not that I want to be looking at it. But it’s a nice backdrop. Come here.” He pulled on Ryan’s hand. 

Ryan sank down onto the couch, right next to Jason. He slid his arm around him, pulling him closer as they kissed. He feathered his fingers up into Jason’s hair, and then back down his neck. Logically, he knew they didn’t have time for sex. Not right now. But he was going to enjoy all the kisses they could get in. 

The apartment was overwhelmed with the earthy fragrance coming off the vegetables and herbs, and the ham in the oven was already impregnating the space. It added something to Ryan’s excitement as his other hand dropped to Jason’s leg, rubbing his jean-clad thigh. He knew not to take his hand up too far. That would be teasing, but a nice soft squeeze to his boyfriend’s leg was nice. It was still a little thrilling to think about how alone they were. No one was going to interrupt or tell them they couldn’t make out whenever they wanted, wherever they wanted. It was the best Christmas present Ryan Shuck could ever ask for. 

“I love you,” Jason said between kisses, scooting closer to Ryan and rubbing one hand down over his chest. He knew right where Ryan’s nipples were, even over his t-shirt. For a moment he teased them, one then the other, before he let his hand drift lower and then sneak up the side of Ryan’s shirt. He felt the little jump from the coldness of his hand and smiled, even while they were kissing. They were making their own kind of body heat on the couch, and his hand would warm fast on Ryan’s skin. Jason had to remind himself that they were _cooking_ and that sex would come later. Maybe. If they weren’t too full from dinner.

He reached around and stroked Ryan’s back in small motions, up and down his lover’s spine. The way they were sitting, Jason could feel each individual vertebrae as his fingers skimmed over them. It didn’t take long for him to pull Ryan closer, for their careful kisses to go a little deeper, and though he was continuously telling himself they couldn’t get much further now, his cock was starting to wake up and take notice of Ryan’s lips and tongue and touches. Jason finally broke free for a moment and smiled when Ryan’s eyes opened to stare at him. It was obvious he was enjoying the moment, too. “I love getting to do this, right here, right out in the open,” he whispered, hoping to take a second to collect himself.

Ryan held Jason’s gaze, his lips barely parted as he breathed. “That’s exactly what I was just thinking. I love you, too.” His hand went from Jason’s leg to his face, cupping his jawline as they kissed again. It wouldn’t take much to lay Jason down, to crawl between his legs and really get contact going. _No. No, we can’t do that. We’re cooking. Vegetables. Broth. Stuffing!_ he reminded himself, even as his body was going the other way, the straight path towards arousal. 

“You look like you could just devour me,” Jason said with a smirk. “A wild wolverine. _Wolfy._ ” He wiggled away a little and sat back against the arm of the couch. “If I stay right there with you, we’ll burn the food.” Without asking, he lifted both socked feet to the couch and pressed them into Ryan’s thighs. “My feet are cold,” he cooed. “Warm them up like a good Wolfy.”

It took a second for Ryan’s body to change gears and calm down. Jason was right. He _could_ devour him right there on the couch. “Well,” he said as he shifted around to face Jason. “When you ask like that, how can I say no?” He smiled wide as he started to rub Jason’s feet, slow, soft pets and a little more pressure on the bottom with his thumbs. “I vote we make a plan. I’ll warm up your feet, and then we’ll finish cooking. We’ll eat, call Brad, and then we can go upstairs and finish this.” He motioned over the couch. 

“You’re so sexy when you make itineraries,” Jason said with a wide smile. Usually he was the one planning the order of events. Not necessarily at home, but at work. “I’m getting the best part of the deal right now,” he added, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. His thoughts brought up memories of times Ryan had given him clandestine foot rubs under the table, or kissed the arches of his feet before they made love. It made him feel secure, and cherished, and he let himself enjoy the feeling out in the open, even though they were alone.

Ryan closed his eyes, too. He didn’t need to see to rub Jason’s feet. He let himself fall against the back of the couch as his hands worked. The time seemed to pass quickly as they fell into comfortable silence, a moment of enjoying the sheer fact of each other's physical presence. At some point, he heard Jason say they better check on the vegetables, and it brought Ryan’s head up off the couch. “Okay,” he said, letting his boyfriend’s feet go so he could lean forward and kiss him instead. He felt Jason’s hand touch his face, and Ryan’s insides let out a happy sigh. It was good to be home - really home - with Jason at his side. 

“Don’t get up,” he told Jason when he pulled back. “I’ll check on them and then be right back.” He stood up, and headed for the kitchen. He’d been around Chester and Talinda enough to know how to check if vegetables were soft, and when he decided they were, he announced it across the room. He turned off the stove and watched as Jason slowly got up from the couch to come join him. That was one thing Ryan really enjoyed since coming to Seattle. Their lives were slow. He knew that might change some once he started working, but even with Jason at his full time job - the same full time job he’d had back in L.A. - neither of them were ever in a rush to do anything. It was a massive difference from how things had been in at the loft, when there never seemed to be enough time to spend together. “So what’s next?” he asked the moment Jason was in the kitchen next to him. 

“We need to check the stuffing,” Jason decided, running his hand over Ryan’s back quickly before he picked up the oven mitts. While Ryan tended to the carrots he pulled the stuffing out. It looked brown on the edges, and it smelled divine. He took a deep breath and put the pan on the stove top, picking up a small spoon. He poked the spoon into the corner of the stuffing, and scooped out a bite. He turned to Ryan, holding it out with his hand underneath. “Open up.” 

Ryan blew over the spoon before he took the tiny taste. It was savory and delicious. “It’s hot,” he mumbled, his hand over his mouth before he swallowed. “But good. I’m ready to eat.” He turned the carrots off, and then stood back. “Is the ham ready? I’ll get the ketchup.” He spun around and headed for their refrigerator. Just like Chester, he was in the habit of covering all forms of meat with ketchup, though he’d deny he was as bad as his friend. 

“Should be.” Jason looked at the clock on the stove. “I have no idea how we timed it all right this first time, but it’s actually all ready at once. I feel like that deserves some sort of culinary award.” He moved the stuffing over and went back to pull out the ham. _Brad would know how to make gravy. But we’re just going to have to be gravyless. Ry wants ketchup anyway._ Jason took a fork and large knife and sliced off a bit of ham to taste. It was juicy and cooked well, and he had to admit he was pretty proud of the two of them. “I know it’s a holiday and we should put everything in nice serving dishes and stuff, but what if we just make our plates here and take them to the table?” He turned and his eyes hit the table they had set together, with a white linen tablecloth and candles. The only thing missing was wine glasses, but he wasn’t going to linger on that thought. The two of them weren’t ready for alcohol yet.

“I’m perfectly fine making our plates here,” Ryan said as he pulled two dinner plates down from the cabinet. “No need to make more dirty dishes when it’s just the two of us.” He glanced over to see Jason carefully shaving off more pieces of ham, and Ryan’s stomach rumbled. “I’m starving,” he mentioned, as he spooned carrots and then stuffing onto both their plates. _I wish we had a drink to go with all this food. Jay would probably like to have wine. I’d actually drink some with him...but I can’t. I shouldn’t._

Ryan pursed his lips. Even if he wanted to give into his cravings - into the pull that was chomping from inside him - he couldn’t. There was no alcohol in the house, and it was Christmas day. Their dinner was ready. There was no need or time to go out and buy liquor now, which Ryan decided was for his good. He pecked a kiss to Jason’s cheek as his boyfriend piled slices of ham onto his plate for him. “I think we make a pretty good team,” he said, before twisting to grab the bottle of ketchup he’d take out of the refrigerator. “Nothing’s burned, and everything so far tastes amazing.” 

“A complete win,” Jason agreed, putting the last slice of meat he’d taken from the bigger ham on his plate. It was a tidy bit of food. It wasn’t a big, overdone show of multiple dishes or many courses, and it hit him suddenly that he really didn’t miss all of that. As nice as it had been to live in such a way that someone else constantly cooked for him, Jason was more than satisfied to have made a humble holiday dinner with his boyfriend. He turned to Ryan and grabbed his hand. “We are the best team,” he said seriously, squeezing his fingers before he let go and grabbed both plates and took them to the table.

Ryan was quick to refill both their water glasses, and in no time they were sitting down and eating. Conversation came to a complete stand still for a few minutes while they both took a few big bites, like they hadn’t eaten in days. Ryan was just putting more ketchup on his plate when he finally said, “So do you have a New Year’s resolution?” he tilted his head, eyeing Jason from across the table. “You know, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about that kind of thing before. Do you make resolutions?” There was a part of Ryan that suddenly felt sad over the fact that he had to ask his boyfriend of over four years such a simple question, but he didn’t let it nag at him. They’d never had a conventional relationship. Not until now, so now was the time to ask anything and everything.

Jason finished his bite of stuffing and put his fork down, thinking. “I’ve made them before. But I’ve never been able to keep one. I always start off with good intentions, but,” he shrugged with a sheepish smile. It was odd to think of New Year’s resolutions. It was something he would have done in the days before Mark. The idealistic days, days even before his parents died. He couldn’t remember the last one he’d made. It was probably something silly, like keeping his room clean. “What about you?” he asked, picking up his fork again and poking it through a carrot. 

“I want us to finish all the _Twilight_ books,” Ryan smirked before he picked up his water and took a long drink as he thought. “Not sure I have just one. There’s so much to do...I’m starting my life over here,” he said, motioning around the room with his empty fork. “I’m ready to find a good job. Something that’s not in the limelight. And I want us to really enjoy being together. I know those two things are obvious, but they’re really important. I want to be the boyfriend you deserve, Jason. The _husband_ you deserve,” he added quietly before he poked a carrot with his fork. 

_Husband_. It was a simple, single word, but it stole Jason’s breath away. He looked up from his carrots, his eyes zeroing in on the side of Ryan’s face. Even from that angle he could see the resolve, the absolute certainty in his expression, and Jason put his fork back down to reach for Ryan’s hand. “Really?” he managed to breathe out. His heart was beating furiously as memories of the two of them sped across his mind. His promise ring was there on his ring finger, and Ryan’s was on his finger, right where it belonged. Jason’s heart wanted those rings to be more than a promise of someday. He wanted them to be a promise of forever. “Ry? Are you… are you asking me?” 

Ryan put his fork down to sandwich Jason’s hands between his own. He looked him right in the eyes - his dark brown eyes that Ryan had seen his future in for so long, even when it felt impossible. “Jay, I do want to be your husband. I always have. That position was already taken for so long, and now I want to prove to you that I can be what you want. I don’t want us to rush,” he said before he let go of Jason’s hand and stood up. He rounded the table, and kneeled down next to Jason’s chair before he took his hand again when Jason turned to face him. “I want us both to be ready,” he whispered, kissing Jason’s knuckles. “But I have no doubt the day will come. Everything since I’ve been here has felt like a dream,” he admitted, “but I know what’s between you and me isn’t. It’s real. So if we get married tomorrow or next month or next year, I know it’s going to be forever. I know it, Jason Akio. I feel it,” he added, placing both their hands over his heart. 

Jason pressed his lips together and nodded, reaching to cup Ryan’s cheek with his other hand. “You tell me when you’re ready, Ry. Marriage isn’t a resolution, it’s a commitment, and I’ll proudly be yours when it feels right.” He leaned forward and kissed Ryan softly. “Come on,” he whispered, “let's finish eating.” He held his hand out to help Ryan up. 

The moment he was on his feet, Ryan wrapped his arms around Jason, and kissed his face. There was an elated feeling rushing through him. Jason had just said he would marry him, even if they weren’t officially engaged, it was an open subject. A subject they’d never talked about before. Marriage was always what Jason had with Mark, but now it was Ryan’s turn. It was finally Ryan’s turn. His mind was already clicking forward. He wanted to make sure he had a good job first. He wanted them to have time together - months - to enjoy the freedom of _really_ being together as a true couple, not a secret or a scandal. He wanted to prove to himself that he could stay clean, that drugs and shirking off work and getting fired were things of the past. He was going to pull his own weight in their household, and after the way things had gone at Score, and even at YRS for that matter, Ryan felt it necessary to distance himself from those outcomes. Jason had already been through so much heartache, and the last thing Ryan wanted was to be another source of pain or disappointment to him.

He hung onto Jason for an extra second, kissing close to his ear before he let him go and sat back down. The thought to say more about marriage, to maybe talk about what a wedding for the two of them might look like, was there, but Ryan decided against that. He didn’t want to say more on the topic they weren’t quite ready for. Instead, he took a drink of water before he pointed across the room at Blue, who was up on the fireplace mantel, pawing at the stockings. “Look at that crazy cat,” he chuckled. “She can’t leave those alone.” 

Jason smiled over at their pet. “I know. Those are driving her nuts. She’ll be glad when we take them down.” He watched her grow bored after a while as they finished eating and chatting. His mind was divided between thinking about marrying Ryan and whatever topic they were discussing at the moment. It was good not to rush in, and Jason knew that better than anyone. He was still heavily involved in therapy, and while that might not ever change, he could predict exactly how his therapist would react if he were engaged three weeks after Ryan came back into his life. Taking it slow was the prudent thing, but up until the moment Ryan had mentioned being his husband, Jason hadn’t known how much he wanted that to be reality. It would be more than a label between them. 

When his plate was empty, Jason sat back with a sigh. He was satisfied, but not miserable, and that meant it was time to stop and not go for seconds. Ryan was just finishing up his ham, dragging it through the ketchup on his plate, and Jason smiled at him. “This was all really good. I’m impressed with our first try.” He pointed at Ryan’s almost clean plate, with a gob of ketchup on the side. “I think you missed some ketchup,” he teased.

“I know my limit when it comes to ketchup,” Ryan teased back with a sheepish smile. “And I agree. Not to brag, but we kicked ass tonight, Jay.” He stood up from the table, and after taking Jason’s plate for him, leaving a kiss on his dark hair, he stepped into the kitchen. “I’ll work on putting everything away if you want to call Brad.” He was hoping they would both get to talk to the cousin-in-law, at least for a few minutes, but he also knew Jason needed to start the conversation. As far as Ryan knew, Brad had no idea he was in Seattle. No idea that he and Jason had ever been together. It was probably going to be a surprise. 

“Well, okay. If you’re sure.” Jason hated to not help clean up, but Ryan had offered, and he nodded when Jason questioned him. “I hope I don’t interrupt anything,” he said with a short laugh. “Realistically, he should know I’m calling before I call.” He got up from the table and retrieved his phone, settling down on a barstool so he could watch Ryan and talk at the same time. “I’m going to tell him you’re here, and let that lead the conversation,” he mentioned to Ryan as he initiated the call. 

“Cousin!” Brad answered from the other end. “The moment my phone rang, I knew that was going to be you. Oh, it’s been a long time since we’ve talked. Merry Christmas,” Brad blurted out all at once. 

Jason couldn’t help the grin on his face at the sound of Brad’s voice. “Merry Christmas, Brad,” he said in return. “I’m sorry it’s been so long. Things here have been… busy.” His eye flicked over to Ryan, who was rinsing off plates to put in the dishwasher. Jason knew he was listening. “I bet you cooked an amazing meal today, didn’t you?”

“I spent most of the day on campus,” Brad told him. “All those poor, hungry souls who didn’t have family to go to for the holiday. We served up turkey with all the fixings. I brought some home to have later tonight. It’s been a long day, but good. Elisa is coming over in about an hour, and we’re going to spend the evening together. I think you would like her,” he said thoughtfully. “She’s so insightful and smart.” 

“I’m so glad you aren’t spending the day alone,” Jason said, and caught the glance Ryan tried to give him without being noticed. “Maybe soon we can get together. I’d love to meet her. I’m sure I’ll have reason to come to L.A. Or maybe you could come and visit us, in Seattle.” He waited to see what Brad had to say to him saying “us” instead of “me.” 

There was a short pause on the other end before Brad said, “Us, cousin? Have you started seeing someone? Jason, I know it’s been hard since Mark passed away, but I think it’s wonderful if you’ve met someone new.” 

Jason wiped his free hand on his jeans and tightened his grip on the phone. He hoped that Brad would still be supportive when he knew that the new person in his life wasn’t exactly new. There was no way really to phrase it that wouldn’t be at least a little bit shocking, so he just went for it, his eyes on Ryan’s back. “Well, he’s not really new. In fact, you know him, Brad, and he’s wonderful. It’s Ryan. Ryan Shuck, from YRS.” 

“Ryan came all the way to Seattle to visit you? He always was a sweet one. And I know he cared about you,” Brad said, remembering back to the first days after the tragedy at YRS. It had been Ryan who had stayed behind, who had tried to get Jason to eat. Who was the listening ear. Brad knew the two of them had always been close, and it seemed distance hadn’t changed that. “I see Mike and Chaz on campus. They’ve told me that Ryan is working at the magazine with Chaz. I think it’s nice he’s gotten some time to go up there for the holiday. I don’t think he has any family here anyway.” 

“Well, he’s not working with Chaz anymore,” Jason said, and stopped when he heard the way those words sounded strung together. “You know, at the magazine. He’s not just visiting, he’s living here. With me.” He held his breath for a minute, wondering how in the world Brad, who had visions that always played out in real life, didn’t already know. 

There was a long slow exhale from the other side of the phone. “I know you’ve always been fond of him,” Brad admitted. “I don’t always see the future, Jason. Sometimes I see what’s right in front of me, too. I know he was quite the stronghold for you for many years.” Brad thought back quickly over the last few days they’d spent at YRS together. Everything towards the end had unraveled so fast, and Brad was ashamed at how he hadn’t been strong enough to be there with Jason through all of it. “I’m glad you’re not alone either, cousin. Is he there? I’d love to wish him a Merry Christmas.” 

“He is. He’d love to talk to you,” Jason said quickly, standing up to walk around the bar closer to Ryan. “We were talking about you earlier and he mentioned it had been a while since he spoke to you. I do mean it,” he added before he handed the phone off. “You’re welcome here anytime. Or we will visit soon,” he promised. He caught Ryan’s eye and pointed at the phone. “Here he is, Brad.” 

Ryan took the phone, already smiling as he wished Brad a Merry Christmas. It was great to hear the chef’s voice. Even though he wasn’t super close to Brad, the cook had always been a pillar of peace at YRS, and his kitchen was a safe place. Ryan had nothing but good memories about Brad, and it felt special to speak to him on Christmas, not because they were both stuck at the house in the hills, but because they were family. Or at least as close as they could be to family. 

“How long have you been in Seattle with Jason?” Brad asked after the first couple minutes of holiday cheer had settled. 

“A few weeks now. It’s actually snowing here. I’ve never had a Christmas with snow.” 

“I think it’s good that you and Jason have stayed in contact over this past year, it’s been hard on him. And moving to a new city,” Brad said. “I know one day he’s going to find the peace he’s been looking for. Maybe it’s in Seattle...with you.” 

Ryan grinned as he watched Jason scoop the leftover stuffing into a container. He was pretty sure they would eat that later, maybe in bed. “I think Jay and I are both ready for that peace,” he said, his heart lifted to the sky. “I’m so happy to have him back in my life.” 

Jason snapped the lid on the container and stepped over to slide his arms around Ryan’s waist. Even though he was on the phone, Jason couldn’t resist giving him a quick peck on the opposite cheek. _I don’t think he knows just how ready I am for peace. How hard I’ve been working for that and how much I want him to be part of that. The biggest part._ He gave him a quick squeeze and put his lips to Ryan’s ear, whispering “me too” softly before he got back to work finishing up the kitchen. It was time to sit on the couch with cookies, and he was going to have it all ready when Ryan hung up with Brad. 

****  
TBC


	31. Second Chances

Chester only made it two steps past Elka’s desk before Talinda came out of nowhere and informed him that they needed to talk. He glanced over his shoulder to wave and tell Elka he’d see her later before he was walking with Talinda. As always, he was racing to keep up with her quick pace, until they turned the corner. 

They went from a hundred miles an hour, to a slow walk, Talinda’s heels clicking on the bamboo flooring. “So,” she said, glancing around quickly as she stuck close to Chester’s side. “How was he?” 

No explanation was needed. “He’s good,” Chester assured her, sticking both hands into the front pocket of his black and pink hoodie. He and Mike had been home for a few days, but they’d returned from the snowy north to find L.A. covered in clouds and a brisk wind that hadn’t stopped for days. “He’s happy. And he looks great. His eyes are clear and he’s...there. Like, present.” He heard Talinda let out a sigh as he looked over. Her dark hair was up in her standard ponytail. It usually gave her face a tight look, but this morning, he watched the stress go out of her face. 

“I know he’s told me he’s doing well, and when we Facetime, he looks good, but it’s not the same as seeing him in person,” she said as she walked with her clipboard pressed to the front of her black pinstriped suit jacket. “I’m glad you got to see him. I just hope he can keep himself clean. Seattle’s got just as big of a drug problem as L.A.” 

Chester nodded. “I know. But Jason’s with him, and that’s going to make all the difference. They’re completely together again. Like, fucking all in, Talinda. They’re even wearing their promise rings.” 

“What?” 

“I know. I told Ry that was really fast, but he’s 100% certain they’re in it for the long run.” 

“For Ryan’s sake, I hope he’s right.” They turned the corner. The great room was empty, but Chester took a second to admire the gloomy view of the city. “Jay’s apartment has this same view,” he said, pointing. “A cityscape. Ryan really loves it there. They have a cat,” he added with a shrug. 

“I’ve heard about the cat. I’m happy for him,” she insisted as they headed down the next hallway and then into the studio and crossed to Forrest’s office. “I just don’t want to find out three months from now that Jason cheated on him and he’s lost in Seattle somewhere.” 

Chester stopped. His eyes went wide in thought. “No,” he said, turning to face Talinda, right in front of the boss’ office door. “He wouldn’t. At least, I don’t think he would. I know you don’t think super highly of Jason because of what happened, but he’s better now.” 

“Better?” 

“It’s complicated,” Chester said, trying not to sound whiny. “He was messed up after his first husband died. We all were, and it got the best of us. Anyway,” he asserted, “don’t think negatively. I spent time with Jason while he was here. He loves Ryan, and he came all the way down here to find him. He took him home and went through all the withdrawals with Ry. You don’t do that if you’re just going to go out and sleep around.”

Talinda pursed her lips before she finally nodded in agreement. Despite her own reservations, she really didn’t know Ryan Shuck the way Chester did, and she didn’t know Jason at all. But it was clear there was something very strong between the two men, just like Ryan had told her more than once. “Okay. I’m thinking positive,” she said, before looking down at her clipboard. “I’ve got some place to be. Go on in,” she said, as she leaned over and knocked on Forrest’s office door. “And good luck.” 

Before Chester could say anything to that, he felt Talinda’s hand on his arm, and then her lips to his cheek as she quickly kissed him, and then dashed away. Chester was left a little stunned as he heard Forrest say to come on in. _Why did she kiss me? And what did she mean by ‘good luck’? Oh fuck me….he’s going to fire me. That’s what this was all about. Letting me use the cabin, and now Talinda telling me good luck. Fuck. Fuck!_

It was a small panic before Chester remembered what Forrest Mullan had told him the last time they’d met in his office - that his future at Score was bright. _What the fuck’s wrong with me? I just told Talinda to think positive and look at me?_

He took a deep breath, straightened out his hoodie, and then stepped into the boss’ office. He smiled the moment he saw Forrest sitting behind the desk. His boss was back in his formal work-day attire, with a silver lined tie and a white shirt with silver accents to match. Classy as always. “Hi, Forrest,” Chester said as he closed the door behind him and stepped over to the desk. He pulled the keys to the cabin out and handed them over. “Thank you again for letting us go to your place. We had a great time.” 

Forrest stood up to take the keys before he motioned for them both to sit back down. He leaned back in his chair. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Did Cheese like the snow?” 

“Oh, she loved it. She ran all over the place and rolled around in it,” Chester said with a smile. “We debated getting her a little doggy sweater.” 

Forrest nodded. He could imagine Chester’s little terrier getting lost in the snow drifts. “How about Mike?” 

“He loves the snow,” Chester admitted. “And we really enjoyed being there. Where we live, there’s lots of people around all the time. On the campus,” he filled in, even though he knew Forrest already knew that. “So it was really nice to be away and in the middle of nowhere for a week. We needed it.” 

Forrest smiled. He loved to help out his employees, and the look on Chester’s face told him that he was correct. The week’s vacation had done him well. “I’m glad to hear it,” he said as he sat forward, his elbows on the desk as he folded his hands together. “How’s Ryan doing?” he asked a little cautiously. 

Chester’s gleeful expression dropped to something serious. Even though he knew Forrest genuinely cared, he hadn’t been expecting him to ask about Ryan. “He’s good. He’s looking so much better. He’s excited to be in Seattle with Jason so they can make a real life together there.” 

Forrest nodded. Clear up until Ryan’s drinking had gotten out of control and his work started to slip, Forrest had been fond of the man. He was a hard worker, and was more than polite and gracious with everyone. It had been hard to watch him fall, and it was a relief to know he was truly doing better. “Very good,” Forrest answered. “I hope he can get everything turned around. He’s a good guy.” 

“He is,” Chester agreed right away, sitting forward in his seat. “He’s just been having a hard time, but things will be okay now.” 

Forrest knew when he’d hired Chester Bennington and Ryan Shuck that he’d hired them as a team, and that reached beyond working at Score. Chester would defend Ryan to the bitter end. Loyalty was one of Chester’s best qualities. “Keep me updated,” Forrest said before he decided to come to the point. “Chester,” he said, keeping his hands folded as he watched his employee across the desk, “as you know, with Ryan gone, things are going to change with your role around here. I hired you and him as a team, and there is no team anymore.” 

Chester sucked his lip ring in as he thought about that statement for a second. He could only guess what his boss was trying to say. “If you bring in someone else, I’m willing to work with them,” he offered. “Or are you thinking solo stuff, like Ryan did while I was out with my ankle? Or like the humane society shoot?” 

“Actually, no,” Forrest said, putting his hands down flat on the desk. “Chester, over the last year you’ve been here at Score, I’ve grown to like you very much. I can see your potential, and I’d like to invest in that. I’d like to invest in you,” he said, pointing at his employee. 

Being told there wouldn’t be solo shoots or a new partner wasn’t what Chester was expecting. If those things weren’t happening, then what would he be doing? For a slight moment - for a hairsbreadth moment - trouble flashed through Chester’s mind. The phrases _I like you very much_ and _I can see your potential_ were things he’d heard come out of Mark Wakefield’s mouth too. It was a few seconds of heavy breathing, before Chester ordered himself to pull it together. This wasn’t YRS, and he wasn’t sitting in Mark’s office. “What did you have in mind?” he asked, knowing his voice sounded small. Weak. Maybe even scared. 

Forrest Mullan didn’t miss the change in Chester’s demeanor. “Chester, it’s okay,” he said, his hand going out. He didn’t know the details of Chester’s life, but Forrest knew his young model had a troubled past, and he was sympathetic to that. He was pretty sure YRS was the cause of Chester’s wide-ranging emotions and often jumpy behavior. “I was actually thinking that you’d make a great addition to our creative team. Models come and go, Chester. It’s the nature of our business. You can only play off the same faces for so long until the ads become stale and boring. You and Ryan had a great run, and if he would have stayed, I think we could have gotten a lot more great work from the two of you over the next year or so. But that’s not the case, so it’s time for a change.” 

Chester’s lips were parted as he breathed, as he tried to follow what was being said. “The creative team?” he asked, wanting to make sure he’d heard Forrest right. He didn’t know the members of the creative team very well, but he did know they were all college graduates. They sat in meetings all day, and would show up to the shoots to see how things were going, and then discuss it later when it came to numbers, profit, and exposure. They were half creative and half marketing, as far as Chester knew. They were the ones coming up with the new designs and lines, but they were also the ones figuring out how to sell everything Score better. 

Forrest sat back in his chair. “Yes, the creative team. You have a good eye for fashion, Chester. A natural instinct. And you're passionate. I think you’ll bring a breath of fresh air to the team. Not saying anything against our creatives,” he made sure to say, “but just like on the modeling side of things, when you have the same group of people over and over and over, things get stale. It’s like cooking and eating the same meal every day. Sure it’s great for awhile, but then you decide you need to add some spice.” 

“Or cheese,” Chester chimed in as he followed the analogy perfectly with a head nod. “Forrest, I really appreciate you thinking of me for the team, but...I never went to college or anything.” 

Forrest sat forward again. “I know you haven’t. That’s going to be part of this. You’re free to say no to this, Chester. If you don’t want to join the creative team, I can keep you on as a freelance model. You can do some solo shoots and pick up outside work, if you can. Just like the humane society. But I think you’re worth more than that, Chester.” He paused, letting that sink in a little before he went on. “You don’t have any formal training in design or marketing, and you’ll need those things to be on the creative team. If you’re up for it, I’d like to sign you up for a few college classes, just to get you up to speed with everyone else.” 

“College?” Chester croaked, his insides sinking. Being on the creative team would be amazing, but not if involved going to school. 

“I’m not talking years to get a degree,” Forrest assured him. “But a few classes will do you well. Design and marketing, it’s like anything else. There are terms you’ll need to know, and basic structural knowledge in those fields you don’t have. A few classes will introduce you to those concepts, lay a foundation for you, and the rest you’ll pick up working with the team here. Score will pay for it,” he added before he sat back in his chair. “Like I said, I believe you’re worth investing in.”

Chester wasn’t sure if he should feel happy or absolutely sick. It was nice to hear that Forrest believed in him so fully, but Chester was less than sure he could take college classes and pass them. Mike was incredibly talented, and had done well in high school, and yet Chester watched him study hard for hours every night. He wasn’t sure if he had it in him to be like that. “I’ve never been great at school,” Chester admitted, looking down at Forrest’s desk. “I’m awful at math.” 

“Chester,” Forrest said, pulling his model’s eyes up to look at him. “I’m not going to send you to math classes. You’ll only be in classes that will help you out on the creative team. You’ll enjoy it. You’ll get to be in class with other people closer to your age and talk about fashion and design and learn how marketing works to sell those designs.” 

Chester pulled his lip ring in, both his hands holding onto the sides of his jeans for dear life. He wanted to believe that what Forrest was saying was true, that the classes would be less like the school he remembered and more like life at Score, where everyone loved fashion and conversation about it never stopped. “I’ve just never thought about going to college before. I know that seems weird since Mike goes, and we actually live on campus, but it’s never been for me. He’s smart and I see how hard he studies.” 

“Mike is on a full program to earn a degree. Of course he’s studying a lot. That’s not what you’ll be doing, Chester. I promise. You’ll split your time between classes and here, with the creative team. I can sign you up for one or two classes at a time, nothing overwhelming.” 

Only trying to pass one class seemed a lot more doable and it lifted a little worry from Chester’s mind. He would hate to tell Forrest thank you, but no thank you, but he wasn’t sure he could pass a college class either. 

The look of doubt was still on Chester’s face as Forrest sat forward. “Did I ever tell you that I spoke to Mark Wakefield about you before he passed away?” 

Hearing Mark’s name made Chester gasp, his grip on his jeans tighten. It was weird to hear that name mentioned at Score, and even more so from Forrest Mullan. “No,” he answered with a hard swallow. “You talked to Mark about me?” 

Forrest nodded. “I did. I asked him about you and Ryan both. I liked your look and felt the two of you could bring something fresh to Score, and help with our young men’s line. I wasn’t wrong,” he said with a smile, and he was pleased to see Chester smile back at him. “Anyway, when I asked Mark about you, do you know what he said?” 

Chester felt his stomach turn. He could just imagine what had come out of Mark’s mouth. The thought that Mark had told Forrest Mullan that he was a good lay and that sex was his biggest talent was mortifying. “No,” he whispered as he shook his head slowly. 

Forrest didn’t miss the look that had swallowed Chester’s entire being, and his heart ached a little for his model. “He told me that you have a good heart. That you’re a natural leader, and that you really care about your work and the people around you.” 

Chester looked up. “He said those things?” 

Forrest nodded. “He did. He also told me that you’re very trustworthy, and you have a massive shoe collection.” He smiled over his words when he said that last part, and he was happy to see the rueful expression cross Chester’s face instead of the somber one that had been there. “I just thought you should know that he felt you had a lot of good qualities that had nothing to do with the business he was running. You’re worth more than you give yourself credit for, Chester. I hope you accept my offer. Since you already live on campus, I’ll arrange for you to take your classes at USC, unless you object.” 

USC. The name echoed through Chester’s mind. _I could go to USC with Mike. I’d be a student._ That reality hadn’t really hit him before, but it was encouraging. If he was a student, even a part time one, then that would be one less rule he and Mike would be breaking on campus. “USC would be perfect,” he said. “But, I need to think about it.” 

“Absolutely,” Forrest said as he stood up. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.” 

Chester stood up, and watched as Forrest came around the desk to join him before they headed out. “Take as long as you need to think it over. Talk about it with Mike. You would be a full Score employee. You would go on salary and get benefits - insurance and a 401K plan. It would be a change from what you’re used to. You would be here every day, sitting in with the creative team when you aren’t in class.” 

It sounded like a lot, but it also sounded like a massive step up. “I’ll talk to Mike about it.” 

Forrest led the way back through the great room as he said, “Let me know what you decide. I know a few people at USC. I’ll work it out to get you into your first class when they start back up.” 

“But that’s in a few weeks,” Chester protested. He really hadn’t been expecting everything to be moving so quickly. 

“Which is plenty of time to get you enrolled,” Forrest assured him. “But there’s no pressure. I understand if you decide this isn’t for you, but I think it could be a really good fit. For both of us.” 

****

Chester sat outside the campus apartments. On his way back from Score he’d stopped by the nearby Mexican restaurant that he and Mike were fans of and picked up tacos for lunch. The entire car smelled like spicy pork, ground beef, and cheese and the white queso dip that he and Mike both slobbered over every time they had it. He knew his boyfriend was waiting, but Chester hadn’t been able to make himself get out of the car yet as he stared straight ahead. He could see the apartments, and all the green grass that Cheese loved. There were people milling around - students who would normally have backpacks on and be rushing to get to their next classes, but the school was still on Christmas break. It meant less people, and no one was in a hurry to do anything. 

_If I do this, I have to pass. If Forrest sees I can’t do it, I’ll let him down. And I’ll have wasted his money. Score’s money. And if Mike sees I can’t do it…_ It was a hard thought. Ever since he’d met Mike Shinoda, his boyfriend had been in favor of the idea of Chester returning to school. Now he had a real chance to do just that. _He’s always telling me I’m smarter than I think I am, but if I can’t pass one class, he won’t think I’m smart anymore._

The idea that his boyfriend would look at him differently, that he would subconsciously put Chester into a different category - a lower category - was enough to make his stomach feel sick. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to eat his tacos or not as he finally turned the car off. _Or maybe Forrest is right,_ he thought as he grabbed the brown take out bag and opened the car door. _If the classes are all about design and fashion, it could be fun. Fuck, I want to be on the creative team. I’d have a real job at Score. I can spend all day talking about clothes and get paid for it._

That made him feel better as he locked his car and headed for the apartment. He was suddenly excited to tell Mike, even though he already knew his boyfriend would be totally in favor of taking Forrest’s offer. _I can tell my mom I’m going to college. She won’t even believe it. She’ll be so happy._

It was another boost to Chester’s confidence as he trotted up the stairs. He still wasn’t totally sure what he was going to do, but he felt better about it now than he had when he’d left Score over an hour ago. 

Mike was laying across the couch, one leg hanging off while Cheese slept on his chest. He’d meant to get up and be productive when Chester headed off to Score hours earlier, but it had been hard to get motivated. In his opinion, it was winter break, and aside from practicing, he didn’t have anything he absolutely _had_ to do. His laziness was a direct rollover from the vacation to the cabin, and Mike was in no hurry to return to his real life, despite the L.A. warmth and sunlight. 

He didn’t even bother to move when he heard Chester’s keys in the front door. Cheese lifted her head long enough to see that it was Chester coming in, and then laid her face back between her paws. Mike smiled at her and then over at Chester. “Hey, babe. How did it go?” 

Chester turned and nudged the front door closed with his foot. “It was interesting. I brought us Mexican for lunch. I mean, if you’re hungry.” He held the large take out bag up and he tossed his boyfriend a coy look. It was hard not to laugh when Mike’s head shot up from the couch. 

“Mexican, hell yes!” Mike hated to move the puppy, but the call of Mexican food was strong. “Okay, pupper, up you go. It’s lunch time. Already.” He scooped Cheese up and sat up all the way, moving her to the couch before he stood up and stretched. It was close to noon, and he was still in pajama pants and a t-shirt. With a quick pat to Cheese’s head, he ambled over to the bar to sit down and watch his boyfriend move around the small kitchen. “Let me know if you want help,” he offered around a yawn, scratching through his long hair.

Chester pulled the round, foil lined containers from the bag, each one marked on the white paper lid what they were. “I got your favorite,” he said, handing over the first one to Mike along with a stack of napkins. “I told Forrest that we loved the cabin. He asked about Cheese and if she liked the snow.” 

“I think she’s still worn out from the snow,” Mike said without a glance behind him. He knew Cheese was still on the couch where he’d left her. More immediately pressing was the container in front of him, and the tacos he was hoping were hiding inside. He peeled off the top and looked inside to see three tacos, neatly wrapped in foil, and he looked up to catch Chester’s eyes. “Thanks for lunch. You’re the best, you know that?” Mike blew a kiss across the bar and lifted a taco from the container, carefully pulling open the foil to see his favorite pork carnitas taco in a corn tortilla. With one finger he looked inside, where the cilantro and crumbly cojita were hiding, along with the delicious sauce he wasn’t quite sure of the ingredients. “I love these. I could eat them every day.” 

“I know you could,” Chester agreed quietly as he pulled off the white lid of the next container. The smell of the white queso he loved hit him immediately as he sat it on the bar. “And I got us nachos to share,” he offered before pulling the lid off the last one, which he knew had his ground beef tacos, with extra cojita and a spicy sauce. “So, Forrest made me an offer today, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.” He picked up his container and the sour cream he’d already snagged from the refrigerator and rounded the bar to sit next to Mike. “Because Ryan’s gone, he said it’s time for a change. That he hired us as a team, and that doesn’t work now. I thought maybe he’d let me do solo stuff or bring in another partner, but instead he wants me to join the creative team at the office.” 

Mike looked over, his mouth already full of taco. The pork was delicious, and he had been thinking about drizzling some queso over his taco, too. Now he hurried to swallow so he could say, “wow, that sounds cool! So you’d be a more behind the scenes person now?” he asked, trying to figure out exactly what being in the creative team would look like. He didn’t know much about Chester’s world at work, so he wasn’t clear on the terms, or why Chester looked apprehensive. “What did you say?” He reached over for a chip to dip into the melted cheese and put his attention back on Chester while he devoured it. 

“I told him I had to think about it,” Chester said as he carefully unwrapped one of his tacos. “And yeah, it would be behind the scenes. No more modeling for me. But I’d be on salary and get benefits and some other stuff Forrest mentioned. And a raise. And all of that is awesome,” he offered as he looked over at his boyfriend and smiled. “He said I have a natural flair for fashion and I’d be a breath of fresh air to the creative team.” He looked down at his food, at the corn tortilla and the gooey beef mixture and oh the cheese. “But all the people on the creative team are college graduates and I’m not. Forrest said I’d have to take classes.” He took a first bite and shut his eyes, savoring the taste. His stomach was empty. 

The mention of classes made the look on Chester’s face a few minutes ago make sense. “Oh,” he said first, without thinking, and it was apparent that his reaction didn’t help anything. He put down his taco and reached for another chip, his mind scrambling around. “Well, what kind of classes? Does he mean college? He wants you to go to school?” Mike had been telling Chester for years he should go back to school, and his boyfriend had been adamantly opposed. He wasn’t sure which way all of this was going, if Chester was excited or not about the idea of the salaried job he’d been offered. “It could be a great opportunity,” he encouraged. “Wow, Ches, a job with a salary and benefits. That’s… it’s so… _adult._ ” 

“It is adult sounding, isn’t it?” Chester asked as he wiped his mouth with one of the napkins. “And yeah, college classes. Here,” he said, nodding behind him, towards the USC world on the other side of the wall, just outside their front door. “Score will pay for it. He said I have to take some design classes and some for marketing, which I don’t know anything about.” He stopped for a minute as he looked from Mike’s clearly excited face to the nachos between them. He picked up a chip and held it over his foil container, letting it cool. “He said I don’t have to go for years to get a degree, I just need to take a few classes to get a good foundation of things and then I’ll learn the rest from the team at work. I’d be splitting my time between classes and working with the creative team every day. It would be a lot compared to what I do now.” 

Chester blew on his chip before he nibbled off half of it. It was still hot, but delicious. He wasn’t sure why, but he really hadn’t thought about the time involved in taking Forrest’s offer until he’d just said it out loud. He would be home a lot less, and he’d have homework in the evenings, he had to figure. “He promised me it wouldn’t be overwhelming,” he added. “Just one or two classes at a time. As I can handle them. He wants me to start when everyone goes back after winter break. So that’s real soon, if I decide to take it.” 

Mike knew Chester had reservations about taking classes, but he’d always known Chester was smarter than he gave himself credit for, and this was exactly his specialty. Fashion. It seemed to be the perfect career path, even better than the culinary school idea Mike had suggested time and time again. 

“I think it sounds exciting,” Mike decided, picking his taco back up. He knew the opportunity would come with changes, but he was ready to support all of that. The idea that Chester would have classes on campus had his insides all jumbled up. “Just think, we can go to class together! And study in the library together! And it’s not costing you anything, that’s amazing. Forrest is a good man.” He bit into his taco, but he wasn’t finished yet. “It’s such a good opportunity, babe,” he said around a mouthful of pork, cheese, and cilantro. 

“I know it is,” Chester agreed before he took a big bite of taco. Mike was right. He was being offered free schooling. That _was_ amazing. “I’ll probably do it. I just need to think about it a little bit. I don’t want to get into it and then not pass and waste all of Forrest’s money. I don’t want to hurt Score like that.” He took another bite and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “He told me I’d enjoy it, that I’d get to talk fashion with people my age, and he’s right. That would be cool. And studying with you in the library I hear so much about.” He nudged Mike’s arm. “I think I want a beer,” he decided as he stood up. “You want one?” 

“Nah, I’m good.” Mike finished his first taco and unwrapped the next one. “And I hardly think you’d have trouble passing, Ches, you know so much about fashion. One of the things that is so great about college, as opposed to high school, is you get to really focus on the things that interest you. I mean, I have to take those basic classes, too, math and science and all that, but most of the course work is in my major. So it’s all interesting to me, and when it’s interesting it’s fun to study.” He watched Chester grab a beer and flip the top off. “You don’t even have to take all that other stuff, you get to just take the fashion stuff. I guess.” He made a face, trying to figure out what classes would go in a fashion degree. “You said design classes, I wonder what that’s like. I mean, I know marketing would have a lot of math. Did Forrest give you any idea what classes you’d start with? Oh! We can look up the degree programs online!” he rambled excitedly around another bite of taco. 

Chester sat down with his beer before he took a long drink from it. It was cold and refreshing, and a perfect compliment to all the spicy Mexican food. “No, nothing specific. He’ll pick out whatever he wants me to take. What he thinks is best. I won’t get the degree. Not like you. He said there are fundamental things I just don’t know because I’ve never had the formal education, and that’s what the classes are for. Fuck, I’d drown in a math class.” He set his drink down to eat a little more, but he was almost full. “I could come home after class and let Cheese out before I went to Score every day. Or on long days, I could probably take her with me. Forrest brings his dogs in sometimes.” He laughed, keeping his taco just inches from his mouth. “It drives Talinda crazy.” 

Mike took a moment for all of that to sink in, chewing and swallowing and not taking another bite yet. “It will be a little different. But that’s okay, we’ll make it work. I’m excited for you, Ches. What a cool opportunity, you know? Something you probably didn’t think you would ever get to do. Even if there’s math, I can help.” He leaned over to pop a quick kiss to Chester’s cheek. “It will be an adventure, and if Cheese gets to go to Score, that’s cool, too. She’ll get loved on by everyone.” He scooped up some queso and leaned over again to nudge Chester’s arm with his elbow. “I’m proud of you. You’re really turning this Score thing into something long-term, and I think that’s awesome.” 

Chester smiled on instinct. It wasn’t every day that Mike told him he was proud of him. “Thanks,” he said, reaching over to squeeze Mike’s knee under the bar. “And it’s really going to be different. I was kind of a troublemaker in high school. Got kicked out a few times for smoking and skipped lots of classes. Hope I do better this time. Fuck, my poor mom. I should apologize to her for all that next time I talk to her.” He took one last nacho before he decided he was done. He had one completely untouched taco left, and he took it out of the container, since it was wrapped up neatly in foil. “I’m saving this one,” he said as he started to pick up his napkins and popped the lid back on the tub of sour cream. 

The third taco in Mike’s container was already open, and he paused. “I was going to eat all of mine,” he said, his lips turning into a frown. “Do I need to save one, too?” He wasn’t full, and he wanted his third taco. 

“I don’t care,” Chester said with a shrug. “Do as you wish, Sexy Boy.” Chester threw his trash away, popped his taco into the refrigerator, and washed his hands before he circled back around the bar. He grabbed his beer and sank onto the couch. “Hey, Cheesy Girl,” he cooed to the puppy who was right on him immediately. He petted her head and back with his free hand while he giggled, his system feeling a little light from the alcohol. 

Mike spun around in the bar stool, a taco at his mouth and the container underneath to catch anything he might accidentally drop. He watched Chester and Cheese while he finished off his lunch. It was hard to imagine Chester as a troublemaker in high school. Mike didn’t have a lot of experience with kids the way Chester described his younger self - skipping, smoking, and generally uninterested in school. He’d stayed far away from that crowd. Nothing Chester did now seemed to be defiant, and Mike decided quickly that the attitude Chester remembered was something his lover had left behind. 

Mike stood up with the container in his hand, taking it to the trash. “I like how she’s all awake now. She’s ready to play. We should take her to the park. Or the beach. Get some of that energy out. Did we have any other plans today?” he called over his shoulder as he washed and dried his hands. 

“Nope. My one and only obligation for the day is done,” Chester answered as he laughed, his eyes on the puppy as she wrestled with his hand. “Owww,” he giggled when her teeth caught him a little hard. “Jeez, Cheesy Girl, you’re gonna draw blood.” He wrinkled his nose at her before he went back to antagonizing her before he spotted her stuffed mouse. He leaned over to grab it from the floor. “Here, this is better than my skin,” he told her, watching as she attacked the mouse. “We can do whatever you want,” he said, directing his voice to Mike. “I’m always up for the beach, but the wind is still kinda cold. It’s probably worse by the water.” 

“Park it is,” Mike decided, plopping down on the couch beside Chester. “We’ll wear her out and then... I’ll wear _you_ out,” he said, his voice dropping to something sexy as he lifted an eyebrow at Chester. “Sounds like the perfect way to spend the rest of the day.” 

Chester took another drink before he let his head fall onto Mike’s shoulder. “I’m down with that. We can come home and take hot showers and fool around. We can order pizza tonight for dinner so we don’t have to go back out. I’m in. Let me go change into a _park_ outfit and I’ll be ready.” He lifted his head and Mike’s neck was right there. He couldn’t help himself as he pressed his lips to the warm skin, not once, but twice before he stood up. “Stay, Cheese. I’ll be back and then we’ll go!” he told her in his best puppy voice. 

Cheese wagged her tail at Chester and then turned to Mike, licking his hand. “I know, girl. We’ll let him change clothes first. You know it might take a while. But then I’ll go throw on some clothes and we’ll head out to the park.” He looked up from tugging on Cheese’s stuffed cheese toy toward the bedroom. It was tempting to follow after Chester, but he knew it would take forever to get ready to leave if he went in there. Every article of clothing shed would lead to kisses, and there was a high probability that they wouldn’t get to the park any time soon. He stayed put, waiting to take his turn like a man with self-control. 

****

The wind at the park turned out to be cold anyway, and Chester, Mike, and Cheese were happy to finally make it back in the car. They’d only survived at the dog park for less than thirty minutes, but that had been plenty to wear their puppy out. Between all the running, sniffing, interacting with other dogs, and the nippy weather, she was out in the backseat of Chester’s little red sports car as he drove them home. 

“I’m ready for a hot shower. And our bed,” he said as he drove. He glanced over to see Mike looking at his phone. Again. Chester didn’t want to be nosy, so he let it go. _If it’s important, he’ll tell me. It’s probably emails from his teachers or something._ “Cheese will probably be passed out for hours,” he mentioned, but that still didn’t bring Mike’s dark eyes over to him. Chester pulled his lip ring in, sucking on it as he thought. It was always a bad sign when Mike went quiet on him. “Everything okay?” he decided to ask, twisting his hands into the steering wheel. 

Mike sighed heavily, his happier mood from earlier sinking as he debated what he wanted to say. His phone screen was dark but he knew exactly what the notification said that had been waiting on him when they got into the car. _Mom called again._ This time there wasn’t an option to put the phone down, walk away, and ignore it. Chester had seen him looking at the phone, and Mike knew he should just explain, but he’d have to admit he hadn’t told him about the first phone call. _I’ve spent all these years not really talking about it. Just thinking about calling her back makes me tired._

He half-heartedly waved his phone in Chester’s direction. “My mom called.” 

Chester glanced Mike’s way before looking back at the road. “Really? Well, what did she say? I hope it’s not an emergency or anything.” He rolled his lips together. As far as he knew, Mike hadn’t talked to - or heard from - his parents in years. At least not since they’d been together. 

“I don’t know,” Mike said honestly. “It went to voicemail. But it’s not an emergency. She called on Christmas, too.” He sighed again and then rubbed his hand over his face. “I thought it was just her guilty conscience. I didn’t call her back. I didn’t want her to ruin our day.” He looked down at his phone again. “I don’t know what she wants. I haven’t talked to her since they kicked me out.” He looked over at Chester and then back at Cheese. “I don’t even know what I’d say to her if I called her back.” 

“Wow,” Chester mumbled. Up until the moment when Mike had told him that he would have to give Chester up if he ever wanted to be on speaking terms with his parents again, Chester had always been in favor of Mike mending that bridge. But ever since that moment back at the loft, he’d since put Mike’s parents out of his mind. It was hard to reconcile those feelings - that reality - with the new reality that Mike’s mom was trying to get in touch with him. “You should listen to her voicemail, at least,” he encouraged, even though he wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do. But he knew his boyfriend had always been miserable over how things had gone when he’d turned eighteen. If anything could fix that - anything other than the two of them not being allowed to be together - then Chester was for it. 

Mike leaned his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes. He felt the same as he did on Christmas - torn. Part of him wanted to talk to his mother desperately. Up until high school they had been so close. Mike could remember watching romance movies with her on the couch. He could remember her face at his recitals, beaming with pride, and he could remember the praise he received from both of his parents for his grades. He’d always tried to be a good, rule following son. Loving a man instead of a woman who would bring his parents grandchildren wasn’t something he could control, but admitting that preference had been the beginning of the end of their relationship, and Mike wasn’t over it. _It’s not the kind of thing you get over. They just left me on my own, after all of those years of being proud of me. I wasn’t good enough anymore, just because I’m gay. What’s changed? Did she watch some Lifetime movie that made her decide being gay was okay?_

The bitter, hurt part of him didn’t want to hear anything she said. _Just because she’s my mom, I don’t owe her anything. Neither of them. I’m doing this on my own. I’m in school, I’ve got a boyfriend and a dog. I don’t need them._ “I know I should listen to it. I’ll do it when we get home,” he said stubbornly, dropping his phone in his lap and crossing his arms over his chest. “I feel like if I don’t call her back she’ll just call again. She’s like that.”

“Aw. She’s stubborn,” Chester said before he reached over and tickled his fingers down the arm of Mike’s blue flannel. “Reminds me of someone else I know.” He flashed his lover an ornery smile just as they turned into the campus parking lot. “Times up, Sexy Boy. We’re here. And you know, if you do decide to call her back, the conversation only has to go on for as long as you want.” He shrugged as they slowly rolled down the aisle of cars to get to their usual area of parking. “If she starts harping on you for something, fuck it. You know? You can end it right there.” 

“I know,” Mike said quietly. He waited for Chester to park the car, and then turned around to scoop Cheese up. She barely cracked her eyes to see that it was him, and went right back to sleep. “I just… why now?” he whispered to the puppy right before they got out of the car and met Chester to walk upstairs. He was torn, but he knew Chester was right. He would call just to get it over with, and no matter what, he could end that call whenever he wanted to. He’d made it four years without her. If talking to her made him feel bad, then he could make it four more. 

They went upstairs together, Mike following Chester into the apartment with Cheese still in his arms. He sat down on the couch carefully and settled the little dog into his lap. He wasn’t in any hurry to place the phone call, but he could feel the anxiety kicking in now that they were home. Mike looked around the small apartment and a sort of fierce protectiveness hit him suddenly. _I’m doing this on my own. I don’t need them. Ches is right. If she starts being a bitch I’ll just hang up._

As soon as the word _bitch_ crossed his mind, the corners of Mike’s mouth drooped, along with his shoulders. He felt bad. He could never remember his mother acting like a bitch. She hovered, and she nagged at him a little, but she was never mean to him. _Even when they kicked me out, it was really Dad who did the talking. The only thing she ever did wrong against me was not standing up to him for me._ He rested one hand on Cheese’s back and looked at the phone in his other hand before he looked at Chester. His boyfriend was watching him, and it made Mike feel more anxious. “You hanging around for this?” he asked, wiggling the phone. 

Chester shook his head. “Not unless you want me to. I’ll sit here with you, if you want,” he offered, motioning to the empty place on the couch. “But I totally get it if you want privacy. I can go take my shower while you call and you can fill me in later. It’s your choice, Sexy Boy. I know it’s hard either way.” 

A few moments passed before Mike decided, “I think… I think I’ll do it on my own.” He bit down on his bottom lip and chewed on it for a second. He wanted the comfort of having Chester close, especially if he got emotional, but this wasn’t his boyfriend’s burden. It was his problem, and he needed to deal with it. “You can take your time,” he added, trying to send Chester a reassuring look. “I’ll be okay.” 

Chester patted Mike’s knee before plopping a kiss to his cheek. “Okay. Good luck. I’ll make us some coffee when I’m done.” He stood up, and after a stretch of his arms over his head, he turned to go to the bedroom. He needed to gather up comfy pajamas. He was pretty sure their planned evening of sex would actually end up being a night on the couch discussing whatever was about to happen, and that was okay. They had sex a lot, but they never talked about Mike’s family. Ever. Chester’s lips folded to a frown as he searched through his dresser for his black and gray pajama pants that had the yellow sunflowers on them, along with a yellow muscle shirt. _I hope he wants to talk about it. That’s a part of him I know nothing about. He’s always kept it from me._ He looked back towards the doorway, but he couldn’t hear anything. 

It was a few minutes before Mike got the courage to pull up his mother’s number and press send. He hadn’t bothered to listen to the message from earlier. He assumed it would be the same sort of message she’d left a few days ago, and he waited with his eyes closed while the phone rang. He could feel his heart thumping and was ready to hang up when he heard the soft, familiar voice of his mother.

“Hello? Michael?” 

Mike took a shaky breath. “Hi, Mom.” Instantly he felt warm and wished he didn’t still have his jacket on from being at the park. “I saw that you called. Again.”

“I’m so glad you called me. I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.” There was a pause, and then Donna Shinoda went on when Mike didn’t say anything. “I know it’s been a long time since we talked, Bear, too long-”

“Don’t call me that,” Mike snipped suddenly, interrupting. “You haven’t tried to call, not once,” he said, his throat tight. “It’s been years, Mom. I haven’t talked to you since I left. I guess you thought if you called on Christmas none of that would matter?” He could hear the pathetic tone in his voice and pressed the phone closer to his ear, waiting.

There was a quiet moment, and then a sigh. “You’re right, I could have called sooner. Your father… I should have just called, Michael. I know that. Please, can we talk? I would like to know how you are, Bear. I’m your mother. I’ve worried about you so much.”

“Really,” Mike retorted. “If you were that worried you could have done better than leaving me asking Dave’s parents for a place to stay with the couple hundred dollars I had in the bank.” Mike moved Cheese off his lap and stood up to pace the living room in a small circle. “How’s Colorado? Everything perfect there without me to embarrass you?”

Mike turned around and paced back to the couch, anger rising in his chest for a few seconds until he heard a sniffle on the other end of the line. He stopped and listened harder, recognizing another quiet sniff. _She’s crying. I made her cry._ He hung his head and looked at the floor. He wasn’t going to apologize. _She’s the one who should apologize! She just left me, like she didn’t love me at all!_ He sighed, feeling guilty that he’d already upset her, when she was the one offering the olive branch.

“I’m fine, Mom,” he said, the fire completely gone from his voice. “It really sucked for a while, but I got a good job after you left and a little apartment with a friend. I met someone, we’ve been together three years now. And I got into USC this past semester, a full ride. So I’m fine. You wanted to know how I am, and I’m fine. We have a dog,” he added, wrapping up the synopsis of the last four years of his life in one breath. That was all he felt like she deserved. 

It was confusing when his mother didn’t respond right away, and Mike knew she was upset. He came by his emotional side honestly, and the fact he’d always been quick to tears when he was upset was a trait he’d taken straight from his mom. He wondered if her dark hair had more gray in it or if she was still trying to dye it. He wondered if she still made pancakes on Saturdays. He wondered if her little dogs were still the center of her universe and if she somehow managed to grow the roses she loved in Colorado. He wondered if maybe she really did miss him, and she wasn’t just calling out of some sense of obligation.

“Hey, I’m okay,” Mike said again, running his hand through his hair. He knew she’d hate the long hair and the earrings, but not as much as his father would. Instantly he put away the thought of the elder Mr. Shinoda and tried to think of something else to say. “I’m glad you called,” he finally offered, even though he wasn’t too sure how he felt yet.

“You’re at USC?” Donna asked, her voice shaky. 

Mike could picture the way she was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. “Yeah. I’m a piano performance major, but I might turn it into a double major in music education. Right now I’m not sure, it’s just my first semester.” He looked toward the hallway. The shower was still running.

“I’m sure you’re enjoying that. You were always so good at school, Bear, and so talented.”

“I got all A’s last semester.” There was no mistaking the pride in his voice, and Mike didn’t try to hide it. He’d worked hard for those grades, and telling his mom that he’d done well felt the same as it had through his public school days. He waited for the compliment he knew was coming.

“That’s wonderful, Michael.”

Mike could feel the lump in his throat again as neither of them said anything. He hated the tentative hope he was feeling, that maybe he’d be able to talk to her more now, that maybe he’d been forgiven and his parents wanted him again. He hated the way it felt to know that he still loved them and wanted to be in their lives, even after everything that had happened, all the disappointment and broken heart he’d been left with in L.A. “Mom?” he whispered, his voice not quite working, “you still there?”

“I’m here. I wish I could see you, give you a big hug. I miss you.”

Mike tugged on one of his earrings. “I’ve missed you, too. Maybe we can talk more, you know? I’d like that.” He looked over at Cheese on the couch. She was still curled up, and Mike knew Chester was probably right - she’d be knocked out for a few hours. “I should go,” he added, just as he heard the water stop. He wanted a minute to collect his thoughts before Chester came out of the bathroom.

“I’d like that, too. I’m sorry it took me so long. I want things to be better between us. You’re my only son, you know that.”

“I know. You’re my only mom,” Mike said simply, wrapping his arm around himself. “I’ll call again soon, I promise.” He couldn’t quite bring himself to say _I love you_ when he heard his mother agree to talk again, and then tell him that she loved him. The call ended with a quiet goodbye and then Mike stood next to the bar, looking at his phone, not sure he’d even had the conversation he thought he’d just had. It didn’t feel real, that he’d talked to his mom after four long years and she’d actually apologized.

He sat down on the bar and dropped his head into his folded arms. Thoughts came flooding back to him, the embarrassment he’d felt when he’d had to stay at Dave’s for a few months, how hard it had been to get a job and ride the bus to work until he’d saved enough to buy his car. He thought about the cramped room at Anna’s, the peanut butter sandwiches, and how much he’d hated his parents while the two of them struggled to make rent. Everything had changed when Chester came into his life, and it was the one thing Mike knew he was going to protect at all costs. His mom might want to be in his life again, but Chester was his whole life, and Mike had already lived through a time when they’d been apart. He wasn’t about to go through that again just because his mom suddenly wanted to be a mom again. He hadn’t been _fine_ the entire time since his parents left, but he was now, and he was going to protect the life he had made. 

Mike heard Chester open the bathroom door and he sat up, running a hand over his eyes quickly. Sitting and being emotional because his mom had finally checked on him seemed pathetic. 

Chester walked into the living room and assessed the situation. Cheese was asleep on the couch, but Mike looked an absolute mess. His hair still looked windblown from their time at the park, but his eyes were what really gave away that he wasn’t okay. “How did it go?” Chester asked as he quickened his steps to get to his lover. He ran his hand back and forth across Mike’s shoulders, over the light jacket he still had on. “Are you okay?” 

Without looking, Mike turned in the barstool and wrapped his arms around Chester, pressing his face into his neck and taking a deep breath. The familiar smell of the beach and peaches was comforting, and he closed his eyes. “I’m okay. It wasn’t very nice. I made her cry.” He tightened his arms around his boyfriend and tried to keep himself from crying now that he’d had some time to think about what he’d said. He knew he could have been nicer.

Chester returned the embrace and ran his hands up and down Mike’s back. He knew Mike had a mean side. He’d been on the other side of it more than once. When it came out, it could be vicious. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Maybe you both just need a breather and you can try again down the road.” He pursed his lips together when Mike didn’t answer. “How about you go take your shower, okay? I’ll make us some coffee and then we can camp out on the bed and you can tell me all about it...if you want to. If not, that’s okay, too.” Chester swallowed as he closed his eyes, hoping Mike wouldn’t brush the idea of talking about it off, like he always did. 

“Yeah. Coffee sounds good. And talking, too,” Mike mumbled. He held on for another minute, letting Chester’s hands soothe him. It felt good, and he was feeling less anxious and upset than he’d been a few minutes ago. “Coffee in bed,” he said with a half smile when he pulled away and Chester stepped back. “And a warm shower. I’ll try not to take too long.” He slid off the barstool and headed for their bedroom. He already knew what he wanted to wear after his shower - the fluffy gray fleece pajama pants and his black oversized hoodie. Both were cozy and made to get lost in, and that’s what he wanted. Mike wanted to hide while he talked.

It didn’t take long to get what he needed and then he was in the shower. The bathroom was still steamy from Chester’s, but Mike didn’t mind it as he stripped out of his park clothes and stepped into the water. The warmth was nice and he closed his eyes and let it beat down on his shoulders for a few seconds before he got to work. Since they had returned from the cabin, the thing Mike missed the most was the huge shower. Showering at the apartment was all business and no fun, and in this moment Mike would have liked the quiet intimacy of being with Chester. The two of them were never going to fit in the tiny apartment shower, though, so he hurried through his routine so he could cuddle next to Chester in bed and tell him how talking to his mom had gone. He hoped he wouldn’t cry.

Cheese was still on the couch when Mike came back to the kitchen in his pajamas and hoodie, damp hair all over the place and his hands stuffed into his pockets. The coffee smelled delicious, and Chester was stirring cream and sugar into his when Mike stopped beside him and kissed his shoulder. “Thanks for making coffee.” 

“No problem, Sexy Boy. Pick your venue,” Chester said with a soft smile. “Couch, bed, floor, at the bar.” He pointed to each place in turn. “I think we have some cookies and cream ice cream left. I can scoop us some to go with the coffee, if you want.” 

“Maybe ice cream later. I’m cold,” Mike whispered with a kiss to Chester’s cheek. “Let’s have coffee in bed, and you can warm me up.” He picked up his mug and started for the bedroom. “Look at her,” he said, his voice low as he looked at Cheese. “She’s so cute. One day when we have a bigger space we can get her a playmate. My mom always had two dogs at a time. She said it makes them feel more secure, especially when they’re home alone.” 

Chester didn’t want to admit it, but his mind was blown. Mike turning down ice cream - food - never happened. And now he was mentioning his mom in passing, and even wanting to pattern something after her. The same woman he refused to talk about. It was a lot to take in over the course of just a few seconds. 

But Chester stayed quiet as he followed Mike to the bedroom. His boyfriend looked positively miserable. Chester climbed onto the bed, but left his coffee on the little stand on his side to cool. “Come here,” he said gently as he opened his arms. “I’ll snuggle you up and get you warm while the coffee cools off.” There was no discussion and a moment later, Mike was hugging his side, his head on Chester’s middle. “I’m ready to listen,” he said, stroking his hand up and down Mike’s back and into his still slightly damp hair now and again. 

Mike closed his eyes. “I miss her.” His voice was small. He tucked his hand between Chester’s side and the mattress. “I try not to think about them. You know. We never talk about them. But I miss my mom. Just hearing her voice was hard.” He took a deep breath and concentrated on Chester’s touch. “I didn’t expect it to hurt to hear her voice,” he admitted.

“What did she say?” Chester asked tentatively. So far all he knew about the conversation was that Mrs. Shinoda had cried, and that Mike had caused it. Now Mike was in the dumps, and hugging onto him like he was scared. “I always thought it was absolutely fucked up the way they left you, but...did she say anything good?” 

“She wanted to know how I was. That’s all she wanted and I was mean to her, babe. I was nasty about leaving me here. I asked her if she was happy now that I wasn’t around to embarrass her.” Mike sighed and opened his eyes. “I made her cry, but I’m not going to apologize for that, Ches. I didn’t. But I tried to tell her that I’m okay. That’s what she said she wanted to know. So I told her I was fine.” He knew he was rambling, and he could feel the weight of the past few years on his shoulders as his eyes pricked with tears again. “It hasn’t always been fine but I’m not telling her that. I’m fine. We’re fine, Ches. Right?”

Chester bent his head down to kiss the top of Mike’s dark mop of hair. “Of course we are. We’re better than fine. Is that all? You just told her you’re fine? You didn’t tell her about school or...me?” Chester pulled his piercing in. He didn’t want to make this about him, but it was important to know if Mike had been honest with his mom or not. If he was going to go forward talking with his mom again in an open way, or if Chester would be a secret that was never discussed. _I have a good job now. A real job. I’m going to take that job on the creative team, and that’s something positive about me he can tell his mom._

Before Mike could answer him, Chester heard the familiar sound of Cheese. He let Mike go long enough to lean over the side of the bed to see their puppy looking up at him. “Aw, Cheesy Girl. You found us.” She whined, and Chester picked her up and sat on her on their legs, which were close together. “Cheese is here to snuggle you, too, Sexy Boy.” 

Mike reached down to pet Cheese absently. “I told her I was at USC now, and that I got all A’s last semester.” He frowned, trying to remember exactly how he’d phrased the fact that he was in a relationship. He knew he hadn’t mentioned Chester by name, but he _had_ made a point to put him in the conversation. Chester was the most important part of the past four years. “And I did tell her about you, that we’ve been dating for three years and we live together and have a dog. I probably said I was fine twenty times. I didn’t even ask her how she was, Ches, I was just so… _mad_ at her. Why call now, you know?” His eyes were on Cheese, who was laying with them but watching Mike closely. Every time he moved his hand like he was going to stop petting her, she nudged him with her nose. 

“I don’t know,” Chester said honestly with a shrug. It was relief to hear that Mike had admitted to their relationship, and for now, that was more than enough. He left another kiss on Mike’s hair before he sat up a little, and the two of them leaned away, putting a sliver of space between their upper halves. Chester resituated himself to put his back against his pillow before he reached for his coffee. He blew over the top of it before taking a sip. He loved it so much. “Who knows why people do what they do. Maybe she was going through old pictures or someone else in your family brought it up. It could be anything. Or...maybe it’s because it’s the holidays. I miss my mom more around the holidays...Thanksgiving and Christmas. Ryan’s the same way. His mom passed away a few years ago, and it’s the hardest on him this time of year.” 

He glanced Mike’s way, but his boyfriend was slouched forward, petting Cheese. “I’d miss you if I didn’t talk to you for four years,” Chester decided as he reached his free hand out to run it over Mike’s curled back. “We made it, what? Two weeks without talking and that was just awful. I can’t imagine years without hearing the sound of your voice.” He paused for a second before he added, “Maybe you can ask how she’s doing next time. It won’t be such a shock the second time around.” 

“Maybe.” Mike twisted around to look at his boyfriend. He wasn’t entirely sure there would be a next time. _She said she wanted to know how I was doing. Now she knows. Even though she said we’d talk again, that doesn’t mean anything._ He bit his lip as he gave Cheese a last pat and moved to get his coffee and get comfortable. “Not talking to you was the worst. So much harder than not talking to my parents.” He sipped at his coffee and snuggled down into his hoodie a little more. “I used to want them back more than anything, but a lot has changed. Even if she wants to now, she can’t be part of my life without my dad, and my dad isn’t welcome in my life unless he’s ready to support _all_ of my choices. School… and you.” He ran his finger around the top of his mug. “Maybe she’ll tell him we talked, but I’m not holding my breath. You think _I’m_ stubborn. You haven’t met my dad.”

“So this stubbornness thing runs in your family,” Chester said as he sipped his coffee. “I’m glad you can’t get me pregnant. Our kid would get the Shinoda Stubbornness.” He smiled at the thought anyway as he looked over at Mike. “Of course she’d also get your beautiful eyes and hair.” He reached over to pet his hand down the side of Mike’s head. “And hopefully some of your talent. Just a little of that would take her far. And I agree,” he said, wrapping both hands around his coffee cup as he raised his knees in front of him, breaking their leg connection. “I’m all for mending bridges with the people who are important to you, but if they can’t accept you - us - then at least you tried. Not everyone gets along, or is meant to be close. That’s life.” Chester’s thoughts instantly turned to Ryan. No matter how much Chester wanted it, he was pretty sure Ryan and Mike would never be close friends, and at this point, it was something he just had to accept. 

Mike leaned his head back and nodded. He knew Chester was right. Forgiveness was more about the person forgiving and not the person being forgiven. Even though he tried not to let his relationship with his parents drive his decisions now, he knew that he was a product of their raising and their expectations, a combination of their personalities that was both good and bad. No matter how steadfastly he refused to talk about them, or allow himself to miss them, the pain was still there and he missed them. He didn’t think he’d ever admitted that to Chester the way he was now.

He sighed and lifted his head again to drink. The combination of the coffee, his comfy clothes, and Chester and Cheese’s body heat was helping him feel better. “I know. And letting go of all that resentment and hurt is the adult thing to do. It’s just so hard,” he whined. “I know it’s a maturity thing. We’re getting old. You’ve got a fancy job with benefits now, and someday I’m going to get this degree finished. We’re official adults, even without stubborn kids.” He nudged Chester with his elbow and sent him a smile that felt real instead of the forced smiles right after he talked to his mom. “Cheese is our baby anyway.” 

Chester nudged Mike back. “Yeah she is. And I don’t know if you’ve missed this or not, but she’s stubborn as hell. Way to go, Sexy Boy. Influencing her anyway.” He grinned at Mike, and laughed when he saw his lover chuckle a little. “And you’re right. We are getting older. We’re adults.” Chester stopped for a minute as a memory from their trip to Seattle flooded his mind. “Ryan told me that he and Jay are done with all the drama, that they’re getting too old for that kind of thing. I agree. We’re all getting too old for that life anymore. Forgiveness and second chances are wonderful things, Mike, even when it’s hard.” 

****  
TBC


	32. 20/20

The apartment still smelled like pizza when Chester slumped onto the couch with his leopard print backpack. Instead of his usual stash of stuff inside that he took to Score, it was now filled with books. After accepting Forrest’s offer, the Score owner hadn’t wasted any time getting Chester signed up for three classes - two for the sake of his new job on the creative team, and one that was of Chester’s choosing, a fun class that Forrest had thrown in, just to let Chester experience college a little more fully, even though less classes would have been fine with Chester. 

He stared down at the _Beginning Parenting_ book with a sigh. _I’m not even sure why I chose this class. I guess because I thought it would be easy. But Mike and I don’t have any kids. Well, other than Cheese._ He glanced over at the terrier, who was curled up next to him on the couch, her stuffed piece of cheddar under her chin, clutched between her paws. Mike was still in the shower, and Chester knew her quiet, subdued mood would probably change once his boyfriend joined them in a few minutes. 

Until then, he wanted to get a jump on his reading, as Forrest suggested. _I suck at reading. I hope it’s not hard._ He flipped through the parenting book quickly. Of the three, it was the thinnest, and the print was larger. There were lots of pictures, and it only took a few glimpses of female reproductive systems and charts for household budgets before he decided he’d leave that for later. 

He left it on the coffee table and plucked the marketing book out next. It was heavier, with a red and blue cover. He opened it up with a sigh. _I have to do this. I promised Forrest I would. I told him I was going to do my best._

He glanced through the opening pages - reading over the table of contents quickly and ignoring the acknowledgements and preface, until he got to chapter one. He had the book sprawled on his lap, his ankle crossed over his knee, as his foot bounced up and down. He heard the shower turn off and he looked towards the hallway for a few seconds, before giving his attention back to his book. He stretched his neck, sucked on his piercing, and rubbed his fingers over the knee of his black joggers, and then over his naked chest. 

It was so hard to concentrate, and he found himself staring down at the letters on the pages, as he tried to get through it. If he couldn’t do this, this very first step, he was never going to make it. He was never going to pass. He picked the book up off his lap and held it a little closer to his face, hoping to decipher and understand what the words meant. 

Mike was in a great mood when he stepped out of the shower. Before he was even all dried off he opened the bathroom door to let the steam out, and then ran his towel over his hair one more time before he took care of his lower half. He walked from the bathroom to the bedroom naked to grab his pajamas. It had been an exciting day, taking Chester to the campus bookstore to get their textbooks together. Walking through the rows and rows of books to find the course number on the little card next to the book was like a scavenger hunt, and he’d enjoyed showing Chester how everything was organized. They’d walked through the racks of USC clothing, too, which Mike knew was overpriced. It was fun to imagine Chester in a college shirt, though, and together they had looked at several before deciding to wait.

He pulled his selected shirt over his damp head, the old t-shirt he’d stolen away from Chester the first time he’d ever worn his boyfriend’s clothes. It was worn and soft, and he didn’t care that it didn’t match his pajama pants. Having it on made him feel even closer to his boyfriend, and that was the reason he’d kept it in the first place. They’d already had dinner, and now they were going to sit on the couch and look through their books together, and talk about what the new semester would be like. Mike was totally geeked out. 

His excitement dimmed a little when he walked into the living room to see Chester frowning at one of his textbooks. “What’s wrong?” he asked, plopping down on the couch next to Cheese, who immediately climbed up on him.

Chester shrugged as he let the book lay back on his lap. “I’m not used to this,” he admitted, even though he hated to. “Reading and studying...it’s going to be hard. I know you do it all the time, but I don’t. I’m not very good at reading,” he added, keeping his eyes down. He was a grown man, and so far in his professional career - both at YRS and Score - there had been very little reading involved. “It’s making my head hurt,” he mumbled as he picked the book back up to try and get through the opening paragraph. 

“It’s probably because you’re holding the book too close,” Mike said offhandedly, before he took a closer look. Chester was squinting, even though his nose was only a few inches from the book. The answer smacked him in the face. “Ches, you might need glasses.” He wasn’t sure how he’d never noticed it before, but as he thought over their years together, there hadn’t been a lot of times he’d seen Chester read anything. Even when Jason had given them scripts at YRS, Chester had barely glanced at them. Mike always thought it was because he was so familiar with how it all went, but now he wondered if it was because he _couldn’t_ see the words. “You’re squinting. Have you ever had your eyes checked?” 

Chester’s attention shot right to his boyfriend. “I don’t need glasses. Mike, don’t even say things like that. They wouldn’t go with any of my outfits.” He motioned over his face, and then over his naked torso before he sat forward and left the book open on the table. “And I had them checked when I got my license, but not since then. Guess that was a lot of years ago now.” He pulled his piercing in, sucking on it. He didn’t want to wear glasses. They weren’t in fashion, unless they were sunglasses. Contact lenses were out of the question, too. He’d never be able to poke himself in the eye multiple times a day. Just the thought of it made him shiver. “I’m fine. I mean, I can see.” He pointed at the open text book. “Well, not from here, but I can if I hold it close enough. More or less. But no one could read that from this far away.” 

Mike looked over at the book and read, “marketing is defined by the American Marketing Association as “the activity, set of institutions, and processes for creating, communicating, delivering, and exchanging offerings that have value for customers, clients, partners, and society.” He looked at Chester. “I can read it from here. You need glasses.” He grinned at his boyfriend. “I bet you’ll be cute with glasses.” 

Chester looked from the book to Mike and back again. “Well fuck,” he whined before he pulled his legs up on the couch, wrapping his arms around them. “Mike, this fucking sucks. I don’t want to wear glasses. They look nerdy.” He shut his eyes and let his forehead fall on his knees, hiding his face. “Where am I supposed to get glasses from? I don’t want to go to the doctor.” He knew he was being ridiculous, and that his boyfriend was being a good sport for putting up with him. He turned his head the moment he felt Mike’s hand rubbing back and forth across his bare shoulders. “You really think I’ll be cute?” 

Mike leaned over and scooped Chester into a hug. “Absolutely. Who knows. Maybe you’ll only need them for reading. But even if you need them all the time, you’ll be super cute. There’s lots to choose from. I’ll go with you, if you’re nervous,” he added, letting Chester go to continue his rubbing. 

Chester sighed. “I guess it’s good I have the Score kick ass insurance now. I have Vision,” he said, perking up a little. “Talinda told me all about it. She wears lenses.” He motioned to his eye before he dropped his feet back down off the couch and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees to give Mike more space on his back to rub. “I hope they’re not expensive. I could get a few pairs to color coordinate. If I _have_ to get some, that is.” He rubbed at his eyes before he looked over, the expression on Mike’s face told him not to count on it. “Well, if they are expensive, I’ll go with black. It goes with everything.” 

“It’s going to be fine, see? I wasn’t even thinking about the insurance, that’s even better.” Mike sat back, and Cheese stood up in his lap to turn around a few times before she settled down facing Chester. He scratched under her chin and wondered where they would have to go for glasses. “You should ask Talinda what doctor she goes to, you could go to the same one. At least then you’d know they were good.” He looked from Chester to the books on the coffee table. One of Chester’s books was as thick as his music history book. It was a tedious read for him, even with good vision. He knew Chester was already worried about school, and not being able to see clearly wouldn’t help anything.

Mike pointed at the books. “I promise, Ches, it will be easier when you can see. I know you aren’t looking forward to the studying, but it will be much more frustrating if you don’t get your eyes all fixed up. Who knows how long you’ve needed glasses. You might not even know what I really look like,” he teased. 

Chester swung his head around, and squinted. “Well, now that you mention it, you _are_ kinda blurry.” He waved a hand in Mike’s general direction. “Kind of a black-ish, white-ish, blue-ish blur.” He grinned, showing all his teeth. “My Sexy Blur.” 

“Mmm, I’ll be your sexy blur anytime,” Mike hummed, reaching out to touch Chester’s arm. “I hope when you put your cute glasses on you still think _I’m_ cute.” He rubbed Chester’s elbow for a second and then pointed to the parenting book. “So that’s the elective class you decided to take, tell me about it. I know you were debating what to take, why’d you pick that one?” 

“Honestly?” Chester asked before he reached for his phone on the coffee table. “Because I thought it would be easy. And I figured maybe we could pick up some tips for raising Cheesy Girl.” He nodded towards their puppy before he put his concentration on his phone. “And you're right. I should ask Talinda which eye doctor she goes to. I’m texting her. And, I don’t know, who knows? Maybe one day we’ll have a kid so if I can learn something about that now it could come in handy later.” 

It was the first time in a long time - maybe ever - that Chester had been the one to mention kids in their future. Mike watched quietly while Chester texted for a minute, until his attention skipped back over and they made eye contact. “You’ll have to fill me in, then. Tell me what you learn. Is it bad that I’m happy you’ll be studying with me? I won’t feel so bad when I’m in the library. You’ll be there too, sometimes. I’m looking forward to this semester even more, now.” The last thing he was waiting on was to find out who his theory teacher would be this semester. He was hoping it wouldn’t be Matt.

“The library?” Chester asked as he left his phone on the table. “I’m not sure if that sounds fun or not. I guess it will be kinda fun that we’re doing this together, though. Jeez, Sexy Blur, did you ever think we’d be studying together for classes at USC? It’s crazy!” He reached over and grabbed Mike’s knee, giving it a good squeeze and then a quick pat to Cheese’s little head. “And I’ll tell you all about the parenting class. It’s the smallest book,” he pointed out. “So I’m hoping it won’t be hard. There's a lot of pictures in there. I like pictures.” 

Mike had to laugh at that. “You might like words, once you can see them.” He leaned over to pick up his Instrumentation and Arranging book, which was his smallest book. “I’m excited about this class. It’s the beginning of being able to write your own music. I mean, theory is the foundation, this talks about how to move your melodic ideas around between instruments and parts. I think it sounds interesting. Project based,” he mused, flipping open the cover and looking through the table of contents. “I’ll get to write my own stuff, which is so cool.”

“That’s cool,” Chester said, as he yawned and stood up. He took a second to stretch and scratch his fingers over his sides and stomach. “I can see you writing your own music.” He looked down at Mike, all his dark hair falling in his eyes as he eagerly looked through the text book that Chester thought looked boring. “You’re so fucking talented. It blows my mind sometimes.” He reached over and flipped his fingers through Mike’s soft hair. “Sexy, talented, perfect for snuggling with, indulgent to all my drama, and a maniac in bed. I’m pretty fucking lucky.” 

Chester’s words caught Mike’s attention and he looked up from the book with a snort. “I’m the lucky one,” he asserted as he closed the book. “I know we were going to look through these, but since you can’t see, maybe we should abandon that idea in favor of snuggling. In bed.” He slid the book back onto the coffee table and looked down at Cheese. “I don’t think she’ll be opposed to snuggling. Hopefully Talinda will text you back and you can get an appointment set up. It would be good for you to have your new glasses when school starts.” He stood up and popped a kiss on Chester’s cheek, then ran his finger across Chester’s cheekbone, across his nose, to the other side. 

“I’m always good with snuggling. Come on, Sexy Boy,” Chester stated playfully as he grabbed his phone from the coffee table and then side-stepped Mike to get around him. “Talinda will text me back. She always does. I’m going to get some aspirin from the bathroom.” He didn’t wait for Mike’s response. All the not-reading had given him a headache, so laying down was a brilliant idea. _I’ll probably fall asleep. And that’s okay. I need to shut my eyes._

Chester stopped when he made it into the bathroom to take a second to look at himself. He studied his eyes and his face, the shape of his nose as he ran his finger down it. He was going to look different with glasses on, if he had to get them. His shoulders slumped just as his phone dinged in his pocket. He pulled it out to see Talinda’s return text, complete with the name, address, and phone number of her eye doctor. 

_Great. Guess there’s no going back now._

****

Ryan was in his second week of working at the little coffee shop just down the block and around the corner from his and Jason’s city apartment. It meant he could walk to work every morning, and that had turned into something he enjoyed, despite the consistent cold morning nip in the air. It meant he got to wear a scarf around his neck - a green, white, and black Slytherin scarf that he and Jason had picked up when they’d wandered into a Harry Potter themed store one day. Jason had proudly picked out his yellow and black scarf for Hufflepuff, and they were set. While they were at it, they bought the entire series in hardback. When they finished _Twilight_ , _Harry Potter_ was next. 

But vampires and witches were the furthest things from Ryan’s mind as he stood behind the front counter of P&P Java. Massive blackboards with a handwritten menu were behind him, and he hated that he still had to turn around and search for the price of things when customer’s ordered. He knew eventually he would get it all memorized, but for now he was dependent on the chalky script letters and the cute sketches of coffee cups and happy looking coffee beans that were dotted around the lines of products for sale. 

It was after eight o’clock before the morning rush finally calmed down and Ryan let out a sigh as he turned away from the cash register. Patrick and Pete, the owners of the shop, were a few feet away, refilling the pastry case with muffins and scones, the two of them bickering lightly over which was better, raspberry or cherry. 

“Come on, man, you know cherry wins,” Pete argued before plopping a cherry scone into the case as Ryan watched. Pete’s dark hair was short on the sides and a little longer on top, the remnants of blonde hair dye still there, leaving him two-toned. He had a bit of scruff around his jaw line, and light brown eyes that were warm. Every person who came into P&P Java loved Pete. He was a natural listener, and his laugh was comical, and Ryan liked him a lot. He liked them both, and he had to remind himself to stay busy, not stand around and watch the antics of Pete and Patrick. The latter was Pete’s opposite. Red haired, short statured, glasses wearing Patrick was as smart as a whip. He reminded Ryan of Jason everytime he’d hear Patrick go into an explanation about physics or the science behind brewing coffee or managerial operations, all while Pete would yawn and add in his two cents, which usually consisted of an off-handed, non-related life observation. 

They were a great couple to work for, and Ryan fit right in. He glanced around the shop, but other than a few people already sitting down with their orders, it was quiet. He figured it was time to busy himself cleaning and straightening up while the great scone debate continued. 

“Like, every really cool thing is cherry,” Pete continued as he stood back to watch Patrick bend down to fill the bottom shelf. “Cherry Pepsi, cherry slushies, cherry Jell-o. Dark cherry ice cream,” he said with a broad smile. “That’s your favorite. How can you deny the greatness of cherries?” 

Patrick looked up before he shook his head. “You always take these things too literal, Pete. I’m not saying cherries are bad, just that when it comes to our scones, the raspberries are superior.” 

Ryan smirked as he wiped down the front counter while he listened. It had been two weeks of this same thing. Today it was the scones, yesterday it was the coffee, the day before that it was a debate over which window cleaner was better. It made the time pass quickly, and for Ryan that was a good thing. He could listen to Pete and Patrick, he got to talk to his customers, and he had already started to recognize the regulars, and was on his way to learning their names and remembering what they ordered each day. Some people liked to talk when they came in, and some were more quiet. It had become rather interesting to try and read each person while they waited on their coffee of choice to be ready. 

But his new favorite time of the day was at 8:15am. Every morning since he’d started at P&P Java, at 8:15am, Jason would walk through the door. He would come up to the counter, sometimes calling Ryan by name and gushing over him, and sometimes pretending like a stranger who wanted to flirt. He ordered his straight black coffee regardless, and he would pull out a dollar bill to tip Ryan for being so cute. It was a new dynamic that Ryan had come to love, not only because Jason was openly supporting his choice of employment, but that he was taking the time out of his morning to come see him, even though they lived together. 

It was huge for Ryan. 

It was also huge for Jason, who already loved the change in his morning routine. He didn’t have to be at work until nine, and even then, he was in charge. If he came into the office at five after, there was nobody to call him out or ask where he’d been. The freedom left him able to walk down to the coffee shop and back to the garage for his car after he’d gone to shamelessly flirt with his boyfriend. He walked as long as the rain held off, and so far there had only been one morning he needed to drive around the corner and wait for a parking space in the small lot so he could go inside. P&P Java always had a drive thru line that spilled out onto the street, making it difficult to park. So he enjoyed the brisk breeze during his walks to pick up coffee he could have easily made at home, just to see Ryan again before work. 

This morning he walked in promptly at 8:15 and had to wait behind another patron who couldn’t seem to decide what to order. Jason tried to hide his smile in his scarf as he watched Ryan patiently make suggestions, only to have each one turned down. He knew that he personally would have been annoyed already, but at each decline Ryan turned to thoughtfully peruse the menu again and offer another suggestion. It gave Jason time to look at him, his dark hair swept to the side and his black shirt under the dark purple apron with P&P Java and a cutesy coffee cup embroidered on the front. The apron was Jason’s favorite part. He loved stretching his arm across the counter and tucking a dollar bill into his lover’s front pocket. He loved that the shop owners knew he was Ryan’s boyfriend and didn’t make him put the dollar in the communal tip jar. That dollar was just for Ryan, and just for being the sexiest barista he’d ever seen.

Jason licked his lips as he waited and his eyes scrolled down Ryan’s bare forearms, and the dark tattoos he loved. _It’s a good thing we both have jobs now, or I’d never leave the apartment. I’d just stay in bed with him all day. Because we could._ Ryan’s eyes flicked over to him as he suggested yet another drink to the lady in front of him, and Jason winked at him with a smile. 

Ryan’s fifth suggestion of an iced vanilla coffee turned up as a winner, and he happily rang the woman up while Pete got to making her order. He waited until the woman was a few steps down the counter, to wait by the pick up area before Ryan looked at Jason. His boyfriend looked handsome as always, his dark hair a little windblown from coming in from outside, but his dark coat fit him well, his scarf hanging evenly. “Welcome to P&P Java,” Ryan told him, trying to hold back his grin, but he couldn’t. “What can I get for you, _Sir_?” 

It was game on the moment Ryan said _sir_. “Good morning,” Jason offered politely before motioning to the three drip coffee selections behind his boyfriend. “I’ll take a dark roast coffee, and… hmmm.” He lifted an eyebrow at Ryan and looked toward the pastry case. He stepped closer to the counter and dropped his voice before he cut his eyes back over to Ryan. “I’m feeling like I just need something else this morning. Any suggestions on how to make that craving go away?” 

Ryan took a step away from the register, so there was clear counter space between them. He leaned forward on his elbows. “Well,” he said in an equally lowered voice. “I’d suggest the scones. We have one with an icing dr-izzle,” he said, letting the word stutter on his tongue. “They’re delicious.” 

Jason couldn’t look away from Ryan’s blue eyes. “Mmm,” he hummed, “that _sounds_ delicious. The drizzle. I want one of those.” He couldn’t help the fact that his mind immediately brought up images of drizzling icing on his boyfriend. “It might help my craving for a little while,” he decided thoughtfully before he straightened up and reached for his wallet. “Until, say, five o’clock or so?” He usually left the office at 4:30 and walked in the door by five, and he already had plans in his head for the evening. They might not include icing, but it didn’t matter. Jason would be thinking about Ryan all day. 

Ryan leaned forward just a little more as he looked up at Jason. “Come and find me at five, and I’ll recommend something else.” He grinned the moment he saw the look on Jason’s face - that mix of amusement and flirtation - before he straightened up and stepped back over to the register to get the order going. “And those drizzle scones are really good,” he said in his normal voice. “They’re a little sweet, but your boring coffee will equal that out,” he teased. 

“Boring coffee?” Jason scoffed, handing Ryan a ten dollar bill after the purchase was totalled. “I have to say, I’ve never been accused of being boring.” 

“I would never call _you_ boring,” Ryan assured him. “Just your coffee.” He handed Jason back his change. “Even though I really appreciate that you know what you want and stick with it, despite all these other options.” He flipped his hand over his shoulder at the menu boards without looking. 

Jason took his change, separated out a dollar bill, and folded it twice. He reached over the counter and tucked it into Ryan’s apron pocket. “I know _exactly_ what I want.” He gave Ryan a saucy grin before he pocketed the rest of his change and raised his voice. “Have a nice day.” He couldn’t help but follow that with another wink, then moved down the counter to wait on his coffee and scone. He didn’t usually get a pastry with his coffee, but this morning that little bit of extra sugar sounded good. _And it gave me more time to flirt with him._

Ryan was ready to move down the counter, too, but he couldn’t. Another customer was coming in the door, and headed his way. “Enjoy that drizzle, Mr. Akio,” he offered with his best smile and playful wiggle of his eyebrows before his attention was on the next person in line. 

Hearing “Mr. Akio” from Ryan’s lips never failed to make Jason’s heart skip a beat. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face while he stood waiting and watching his boyfriend at the same time. So far their schedules had lined up nicely, and even though Jason knew that wouldn’t always be the case, he appreciated getting to support Ryan in the mornings. It was also nice to walk in after work and have Ryan already at home, waiting. Sometimes he even had dinner going, and their evenings felt peaceful and domesticated. They had a cat and a home and two jobs, and it was hard not to think of things being perfect, when he had wished for a calm and happy life and been disappointed so many times. 

_This is it, though. What I wanted, we’ve got it now. We’re happy together. It’s crazy to think it’s only been a month since he came to Seattle. It feels like he’s always been here._ Jason took his coffee and scone, and caught Ryan’s gaze on his way out the door. Even from across the shop, Jason could see the sparkle in Ryan’s eyes, the energy and happiness that had been missing when Jason found him at Rob’s. He was grateful all over again for Chester calling when he did. _Chaz gave us a second chance. A second chance we wouldn’t have needed if I’d just gone to therapy after Mark died. If I hadn’t messed around with Mike and fucked everything up. But I’m doing it now, I’m in control of my life,_ he decided, not letting the memory of the affair with Mike drift in to kill his mood. _Chaz and Mike are happy, and Ryan and I are happy, and that’s how it always should have been. And even though I won’t admit it, I’m glad there are so many miles between us all._

Jason was back at the apartment building and getting into the Jag by the time he sorted out in his mind that distance between Ryan and Chester was a good thing, just like distance between himself and Mike was appropriate. _I know Ry and Chaz miss each other, but it’s for the best right now. Maybe we’ll go visit eventually. Once everything is solid here with Ry, we’ll make a weekend trip to L.A._

When he parked his car and grabbed his laptop bag, Jason had already created the entire scenario in his head. He’d take a long weekend, and they’d fly down to L.A. There would be time to see Brad when they visited USC, and Ryan would be able to see Chester. In his head he even dared to think the four of them might be able to have dinner together, and the hope that they could have a good time and enjoy each other’s company was where he left the plan as he headed into the office to start his day.

****

Mike was having a great time. While he waited on Chester to be finished with his eye exam, he was trying on every pair of frames in the doctor’s office. Surprisingly they’d been able to get in to see Talinda’s doctor the next afternoon, after a last minute cancellation. Chester hadn’t been particularly thrilled with the idea of going so soon, but Mike knew it was better than him worrying about it for weeks. It also increased the odds Chester would get his glasses before classes started. 

Even though Mike didn’t need glasses, he passed the time putting on all the different styles. There were squareish frames and rounder frames, plastic and metals, patterns and solids. He would put one on, turn to look at himself from every angle, and then try another one. _If I ever need glasses, I’m getting these black ones. They look cool._

He put the pair back on the rack as Chester came through the swinging door from the back of the office, where the exam rooms were. He had papers in his hands and a flustered expression on his face as he looked from Mike in the waiting area where he’d left him earlier. Mike hurried over from the other side of the office. “Hey, how did it go?” he asked as Chester spotted him. 

“It’s true,” Chester said, strangling the prescription in his fist. “I need glasses for reading. He said I could use them all the time, if I wanted, but definitely for reading.” Chester’s shoulders slumped as he looked down at the boxy purple striped pattern crisscrossing the polished floors. “I was hoping I wouldn’t need them at all.” He looked up. “I gotta give her my papers.” He turned and headed for the dark haired woman behind the desk. 

Mike followed along, putting a reassuring hand on Chester’s back as they waited. “That’s good, babe. And you can wear them when you want, even better.” Mike flashed a smile as Chester scowled at him. “I’ve tried on a whole bunch of them, you never know. You might like them more than you think. It’s a smart, sexy look.” 

“I don’t know about sexy,” Chester mumbled as he looked over Mike’s shoulder at the walls worth of frames. “But maybe I can find a pair that won’t clash with everything.” He turned back towards the desk, and a few minutes later she was pointing him towards the rows of frames, encouraging him to try on as many as he liked. 

Chester pulled his piercing in as he crossed back to the other side, Mike right behind him. He stopped in front of the first panel of frames. They all looked like glasses, and in Chester’s head, that wasn’t appealing. “I don’t want anything big,” he said, flipping his hand towards an obnoxiously green pair of round frames. 

Mike shook his head. “No, those wouldn’t look right.” He considered the rows of frames in front of him and picked up a pair to hand over. “What about these? They’re pretty simple.” The fake lenses were rectangular and the frame black across the top. “The bottom is what they call frameless. The lens sits on a wire you can’t see.” 

Chester took the frames, turning them over in his hands for a second. “They’re okay, I guess.” He slipped them on and then looked in the mirror attached to the wall of frames, and frowned. “I look weird.” He took them off and handed them back. “But simple is good. I don’t want anything fancy or that’s going to attract attention.” 

The rejected frames went back on the rack and Mike kept looking. He saw Chester try on a few pairs and discard them quickly. _This might take a while. I know he doesn’t want glasses, but too bad. He’s got to have them._ Mike shook his head and selected another set of frames. “How about this pair?” They were flat black, thin metal frames, and Mike couldn’t see anything offensive about them. “Try these on.” 

At first glance they didn’t look bad, and Chester only studied them for a second. The black frames were thin - light in weight - and they slid on easily. He could barely feel them resting on the bridge of his nose as he leaned over to look in the mirror. They weren’t perfect, but they were minimalist looking, and Chester could appreciate that. The lenses were more rectangular than round, and he liked that, too. “I think these are okay.” He stood himself up straight. “What do you think?” 

Encouragement was Mike’s number one role in picking out glasses, and he knew that. “I like them,” he said quickly, looking at how they sat on Chester’s nose. “How do they feel? They look like the kind you’ll forget is even there. I bet you end up wearing them all the time. Which would be just fine with me.” Mike dared to wink at his boyfriend. “You look hot.” 

“Yeah?” Chester twisted back towards the mirror. He poked at them with one finger. “They are really light. I hope I don’t break them.” He pulled them back off to look at them again. “I think I’ll take these. Do they come in sizes? Like shoes? I hope they have my size, or whatever.” 

“Um, I think that they adjust them for your face somehow.” Mike shrugged. “You can ask the lady that’s got your paperwork, she’ll know what they do.” He looked around, spying the employee at the desk behind them. “If you’re sure you like those, then let’s get them. And no making faces at however much they cost. You need them, so we’re going to get them. You’ll be amazed how much better you can read with them on.” 

Mike mentioning money meant the glasses were probably expensive. “At least I have insurance,” Chester said as they headed for the desk. “So we only have to pay 20%. At least that’s the way Talinda explained it. My check-up is free, and only 20% for the glasses once a year.” He looked down at his frames. He liked them, and unless they got annoying or he accidentally broke them or lost them, he had no idea why he’d need new ones next year.

“That’s really good.” Mike still couldn’t believe that all of a sudden, one of them had a job with actual benefits, insurance that actually helped cover the cost of things. It was already proving to be a huge blessing. He sat next to Chester and listened while he talked with the optician, and signed papers for his portion of the expense. It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be, and he could tell it was better than Chester had expected, too. They were on their way out the door, the new glasses on order, in less than ten minutes. It was dinner time.

“Well, that’s done,” Mike said as they made their way to Chester’s car. “What’s the plan for dinner?” He didn’t know if Chester had plans to cook, and if not, he was ready to suggest Mel’s. It had been a while and he was craving onion rings. 

“I was going to make something,” Chester answered absently as he clicked the button to unlock the car. “But I’m not in the mood now. You know what I want?” He looked at Mike across the roof of the car, both of them paused. “I want a hot fudge sundae. With fucking nuts and marshmallow sauce. The one they make at Mel’s. Fuck dinner. I’m ready for dessert. But don’t let me eat more than one,” he added quickly with a partial smile. “You know how that goes. Dammit.” He sighed as he opened the driver’s side door. “Maybe I need to eat something real before all that sugar.” 

The decision was made, and in no time, they were at Mel’s, sitting down at their favorite table. Chester had the menu open, even though there really wasn’t much question over what he was going to get. “Bacon cheeseburger,” he said out loud as he and Mike sat across from each other at a high-top table. “And a hot fudge sundae.” He licked his lips and sat the menu down before he smiled at his boyfriend. Mel’s was always a little loud, but their table was more out of the way and towards the back, so hearing each other wasn’t so much of an issue. “But,” Chester said as he poked a finger at the plastic menu, “I’m switching it up and going for the applesauce on the side instead of fries.” He didn’t miss the weird look that immediately crossed Mike’s face. “Because I gotta save room for the hot fudge sundae.” 

“Applesauce.” Mike’s lips were twisted as he considered the word, and the texture of the pureed fruit. “No way. Onion rings for me. All the way. And a bacon cheeseburger. And a skillet brownie.” He hadn’t even looked at the menu. He didn’t need it, and he didn’t know why Chester needed applesauce. It didn’t sound the least bit appetizing. But he wasn’t eating it, and Chester could have whatever he wanted. Mike shrugged and reached for his water to take a long sip. 

“I’ll never eat my ice cream if I have steak fries,” Chester said with a shrug. “And a vanilla Coke. Where’s the waitress?” He twisted in his seat, pulling his lip ring in as he scanned the crowded area. His eyes landed on the table he’d sat at when he’d come to Mel’s with Petey Sly and Chester cringed. The meal that night hadn’t been bad, just everything that happened after it. 

Mike’s eyebrow lifted as he watched Chester pull on his lip ring. “It’s busy. She’ll be here soon.” He watched Chester for another minute before he reached over and tapped him on the wrist. “What’s wrong?”

Chester looked over the moment Mike touched him. “Nothing. I was just thinking about something from a long time ago.” He pushed a smile. 

The smile was fake, and Mike knew it. He and Chester had been together long enough that he knew exactly what that looked like. He glanced around to see if their waitress was close. She wasn’t, and he put his attention right back on Chester. “Don’t do that,” he said, keeping his voice very level, without any trace of accusation. “I know when you’re thinking about something that bothers you. You get this look in your eyes and you fidget with that lip ring. Either with your tongue or your hand. What is it? You know it’s okay to tell me.” He gave an extra dose of convincing with his puppy dog eyes. 

For a second, Chester thought about shrugging it off again. What happened with Petey Sly was in the past, and he wasn’t completely sure how Mike would take it if he told him what had really happened that night. _I don’t want him to think I lied to him. It wasn’t about lying._

Chester cleared his throat before he scooted his menu out of the way and pressed his fingers into the stone table. “When I was here with Petey Sly, a long time ago while we were broken up, we sat at that table over there.” He nodded his chin in that general direction. “And I was just thinking about how awful that night was.” 

Mike sat back in his chair. It wasn’t what he was expecting Chester to say, and he hated for a second that he’d pressed the issue. That night he’d been consumed with jealousy, and it had been less than twenty-four hours later when he’d shown up at Amir’s and snuck into Chester’s bed. He hadn’t had a great night, but from afar it had looked as though Chester was fine. He kept himself from crossing his arms over his chest, instead bringing his water glass closer to him so he could play with the straw. “I saw you that night,” he finally said, even though he knew Chester knew that. “You looked like you were having an okay time. What happened?” 

Chester dropped his eyes to the table, and the way his fingers were dug into it. “Eating here was okay, well, other than that whole he-doesn’t-eat-ketchup thing.” He looked up to see Mike’s dark eyes watching him closely. Chester knew that a half truth right now wasn’t going to do either of them any good. He wrung his hands together for a second. “It was what happened after that was awful. I wanted to go home and he took me, but then he wanted to go inside. He gave me a line about needing to use the bathroom, but then he was in my bedroom after he was done. He sat on my bed, and I told him I was tired and my ankle was hurting. I was still in the boot. And then...he…” Chester trailed off as he shrugged. “He kissed me and I told him no but he didn’t stop. He had his hand up my leg and I was kind of stuck there on the bed. I guess I was louder than I thought I was, because Noah heard me and he came in, and that was enough to get Petey to back off.” 

“Seriously?” Mike hissed. “I’ve always hated that guy. I saw you with him and the first thing I wanted to do was go over and tell him to go away. God, Ches, I was so upset that night, I-” he stopped and covered his mouth with his hand. It took him a few breaths to calm down his voice, which he knew he needed to do before he upset his boyfriend. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m just remembering that whole night. It sucked. All I wanted to do was make sure you were okay. That was why I came over in the morning, I would have come sooner, but... “ Mike stopped again and it was his turn to look down at the table. “Thank God for Noah. I never thought I’d say that, but yeah. I’m glad he was there, when I couldn’t be.” 

Chester nodded as he wrapped his arm around his middle. “Yeah,” he said just above whisper. “If I wouldn’t have been stuck in that boot, it wouldn’t have gone as far as it did. He’s a sick fuck, always trying to grope me.” Chester shut his eyes for a second before he looked up. Mike’s hair was all in his face as he stared down at the table. “I’m glad you came over to check on me when you did though.” 

Mike reached over for Chester’s hand without looking. “Me too. It was an amazing morning. I, I didn’t go over thinking it would go that far,” he defended, and decided to look up to catch Chester’s gaze. “I honestly just wanted to check on you. Seeing you with him hurt my heart, Ches. I actually got in a fight with Jason over it.” He laced their fingers together and looked around. Their waitress was at the next table dropping off drinks. 

“I remember you telling me that,” Chester said as he thought back to the morning he and Mike had joined back together. “I never should have agreed to go out with him. I actually told him no, but he guilt tripped me into it.” He shook his head before he smiled for real. “Anyway. It doesn’t matter now. I’m never going to be anywhere near him again, and I’ve got way more good memories of us eating here than that one shitty night with him.” 

Mike nodded, ready to agree, but it was time to order. He let Chester go first, and he studied his boyfriend while he spoke. It looked as though the mood had passed, and it struck him how much better Chester was getting at placing blame where it belonged and not internalizing things that had happened to him that weren’t his fault. He reached up and felt over his t-shirt, finding the outline of the gold medallion under the fabric. Therapy was good, things were getting better, and he wasn’t going to add anything negative to Chester’s list of concerns. He wondered what color Chester used in his journal when he wrote about them now as he rattled off his order without thinking.

The waitress was gone before either of them could remind her about extra ketchup. “Well, hopefully she gets all of that right. She didn’t even write it down,” Mike fretted. “She did give you the side eye over the applesauce, though.” He grinned over at Chester, who rolled his eyes.

“What’s with all this passive-aggressive hate over the applesauce?” Chester asked before he playfully nudged Mike’s foot under the table. “I want to cover you in applesauce. Well, not now, but one day when we have a bathtub. Can’t be getting applesauce all over our bed.” 

“I can think of a million better things to use than applesauce,” Mike said, sticking out his tongue. “And I’d think you’d go ketchup before applesauce any day.” 

Chester tilted his head in thought. It was true, he loved ketchup, but he wasn’t sure he could lick pure ketchup off of Mike Shinoda’s entire body. That would be a lot of ketchup. “We should slow down and back up a few steps. Maybe edible underwear first.” He flashed Mike his most ornery grin. “Edible panties.” 

Mike felt his mouth literally drop open. He leaned over close and put his lips right next to Chester’s ear, letting his words come out with extra hot breath behind them. “ _Fuck_ Ches, I would so eat panties right off of you.” He wasn’t teasing at all. He was ready to walk out of Mel’s and find whatever miraculous place sold edible panties, and then he wasn’t going to do anything else for the rest of the evening. 

Chester covered his mouth as he giggled. “We should do it. They come in different flavors. Bet we could find ones that taste like chocolate.” He rubbed his foot halfway up Mike’s calf just as the waitress showed back up to their table with their drinks. Chester told her thank you for them both before he opened his straw and slid it into his cup, taking a sip. “Fuck, that’s good. I haven’t had a vanilla Coke in forever.”

Mike only gave his Sprite an impatient stare. “Yeah, we’ve been out at home,” he agreed absently. His mind already had Chester in the bedroom, panties on, laid out on the bed. “I can’t believe you let the stock run out. It’s almost as criminal as running out of ketchup.” He took a deep breath and tried to get his mind out of the bedroom and back into the restaurant, which was his current reality. No matter what happened later that night, there was food on the way. And even if they did find edible panties, there would still be showers to take and Cheese to pay attention to. It was almost enough to bring a pout to his face. “I hope the food doesn’t take long,” he whined, looking toward the kitchen. 

“I agree. I’m fucking starving over here, Sexy Boy.” Chester reached over and slid one finger over and around the back of Mike’s hand. “I know a place where we can get those panties, if you really want to try them out.” He dipped his finger lower onto Mike’s middle finger, rubbing it back and forth, and then up onto his wrist. “It’s a little out of the way, but not bad. Or we can wait until tomorrow.” 

As much as he tried, Mike couldn’t come up with a justification for needing to find edible panties immediately. Cheese would have already been home alone too long, even if they didn’t make a detour. He felt his shoulders slump a little. “I guess tomorrow would be better. Cheese is probably wondering where we are, and needs to go to the bathroom. I hate to keep her waiting.” He loved the little puppy, and he didn’t want her to have an accident. They had been on a good streak lately. “I can wait,” he decided, flashing Chester a look. “But just know, I’m not going to forget about it.” 

Chester kept petting over Mike’s hand for a second longer, but then he sat back, a partial smile crossing his lips. Even though he’d been the one to bring the panties up, and had even suggested they go and get the panties tonight, it was refreshing to see Mike make a more logical choice over carnal desire. “You’re right,” he agreed easily. “Poor Cheesy Girl probably thinks we abandoned her.” He stuck his bottom lip out, weighed down by his piercing. “I can get my sundae to go. That eye doctor took a hell of a long time.”

Mike rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t that long. But yeah, I can get dessert to go, too.” In his head he knew it wouldn’t be as good as having it at the restaurant, but some things - like puppies - were more important than hot brownies with melting ice cream. 

It wasn’t too much longer before dinner was brought from the kitchen and extra ketchup was acquired, and their conversation dwindled as both of them ate. Mike caught Chester eyeing his onion rings a few times and slid one over onto his plate, declining a bite of applesauce in return. Despite how busy Mel’s was, their waitress stayed on top of things and they were out the door with dessert in no time. Mike had the take out bag in one hand and Chester’s hand in the other as they walked out to the car. He’d decided to get a slice of apple pie instead of his customary brownie and ice cream combination, knowing he could heat it up when they got home.

“I bet Cheese is starving,” Mike said when they were about half way back to campus. “Have we ever left her this long before?” 

“There’s been a few days,” Chester answered as he drove. “When I was stuck at Score and you were in class. God, our classes are starting soon. I hope I’ll do okay. You watch, the first thing I’m going to learn in my parenting class is, don’t leave Cheesy Girl home alone for so long.” He glanced across the space at his boyfriend and the look of concern that was on his face. “I’m sure she’s okay. I’ll give her one of her special homemade treats after she eats to make it up to her.”

“She loves those.” Mike nodded, thinking about how the terrier’s tail went wild every time Chester gave her a treat. “It’s a good thing you keep them in a container with her name on them. When you very first started making them, I almost ate one.” He laughed at himself, remembering how he’d poked at the treats and smelled them, trying to decide if they were for him or not. “They smelled good,” he shrugged, trying to play it off. 

“It wouldn’t have hurt you. Everything in them is real food,” Chester assured him just as they pulled onto campus. He slowed the car down as they made their way into the apartment parking lot, and to their normal spot. “I bet my ice cream is melted. That’s okay. The fudge makes up for it.” He turned the car off before he decided he really needed to pee. “I’m as bad as Cheese,” he said with a smirk as they got out. “She’ll be crossing her legs and ready to come out here, and I’m ready to run to get upstairs to the bathroom.” And he wasn’t kidding. He was a few feet ahead of Mike in a flash. When it was time to go, it was time to go. 

Mike chuckled as he followed. “I’ll get her outside so you can do your thing,” he offered, knowing that even if he didn’t, Cheese would insist on it anyway. “Bathroom first, then food. For both of you,” he teased. He didn’t even have to take his keys out when they got upstairs. Chester was ahead of him, throwing the door open and bee lining to the bathroom. Cheese was all over the baby gate, her little paws slipping on the hard surface of the kitchen floor.

Mike dropped the dessert bag on the bar and grabbed Cheese’s harness. “Hey, pupper!” he cooed excitedly, reaching to unhook the gate and scoop up the dog before she jumped on him. “Hey, girl, hey! You ready to go outside? Were you a good girl while we were gone?” A quick glance over the kitchen told him she had, in fact, been a good girl. “You’re such a good girl. You’re a good Cheese, you know that?” 

He got Cheese into her harness quickly and headed out the front door with her in his arms. He couldn’t hold back his laughter as she wiggled and left kisses all over his face. “Stop it, you crazy thing,” he told her as they made it downstairs and he set her on the sidewalk. “I can’t give you all my kisses. You’ll make Ches jealous.” 

The minute her feet hit the concrete, Cheese was off and pulling Mike along. He followed her to the grass, praising her when she did her business, then moved away to smell some more grass. There was a patch she rolled over in, like she was scratching her back, and Mike knelt down beside her to rub her tiny belly. “Silly girl, you’re so funny. Did you miss us? You’re such a silly girl. Yes, a silly girl.” He was teasing and tickling her, and she was eating it up, when Mike heard his name. He looked up and saw Matt headed his way, a duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

“Mike!” Matt stopped a few feet away, dropping his bag to the ground. “Damn, that’s heavy.” He rubbed his shoulder and then flashed Mike a grin. The presence of the dog meant Chester was over, but glancing around, he didn’t see the boyfriend. “How was your holiday?” 

Mike stood up, and Cheese flipped over to come stand next to him. Every time she was around Matt, she stood right next to Mike, and that detail wasn’t lost on him. “The holidays were good. Yours?” He didn’t want to chat longer than necessary, or give too many details.

Matt gave his duffle bag a light kick. “I went home for Christmas. My mom stocked me up on all kinds of goodies to kick off the semester.” He pointed at Cheese. “The boyfriend still spending all his time here? We were disappointed the two of you didn’t make it to the club that first weekend of the break. You would have had a great time, Shinoda.” 

Cheese went behind Mike’s legs, pulling her leash with her. “Not sure we’ll have time for clubbing this semester either. _The boyfriend_ is a marketing student here now,” he stated proudly, his chest puffing up a little. “I expect the only time we aren’t in the library we’ll be passed out together.”

“Really? Well, that’s cool,” Matt offered, even though he was skeptical. “You never mentioned he was working on admission.” He eyed the little dog at Mike’s feet and then looked over toward the parking lot. He’d parked close to Chester’s Mercedes, giving it a good once over before he headed toward the apartments. It was already a permanent fixture, and now it sounded like it would never move. 

Mike shrugged. “Ches and I aren’t much into spreading our business around.” He reached down to pick up Cheese. 

“Sure, sure,” Matt said, picking up his duffle bag to tag along with Mike. “I thought he had the big fancy job.”

“He does. And now he’s taking some classes. At least I don’t have to worry about you, or anyone else, making a big deal out of him staying over sometimes. He’s a student, now. Legit.” Mike was almost back to the stairs, and Matt caught him by the elbow, stopping him.

“Me?” Matt said incredulously, his grip tight on Mike’s arm, “I’d never. I know I’m your teacher, Mike, but I’d never rat you out. We all do things we’re not supposed to, you know?” He let go and pressed his hand to his chest, a big innocent look on his face. “ _I_ would never,” he emphasized again.

“You _were_ my teacher,” Mike corrected, his heart beating a little faster as he turned away and started up the steps. He was ready to ditch Matt and eat his pie, snuggle with his boyfriend and his dog, and forget this whole conversation. 

“ _Am_ ,” Matt corrected cheekily. “Got my rosters today, you’re in my theory two class.”

Instantly Mike made a face, and he was grateful Matt was behind him and didn’t see it. “Cool, that’s cool,” he said, rolling his eyes. _Another semester with him. Fantastic._

Matt shifted his duffle bag, which was hitting him on the ass with every step. “We’ll have a great time while everyone else asks the ridiculous questions. It wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without you.” He reached the landing right behind Mike, who turned to go down the hallway without stopping. “Well, good night, Mike. There’s still a few days before class starts, you and Chester should come hang out. It would be fun.”

Mike didn’t turn around. “See ya,” he called, setting Cheese down so she could walk into the apartment on her own. He didn’t look to see Matt watching him as he opened the door, or notice the glimpse Matt got of Cheese running to Chester before he stepped in and locked it. Mike only had eyes for his lover and his pie, and nothing Matt Harris had said was going to stop him from enjoying the rest of his evening. 

****  
TBC


	33. Accidental Triggers

Chester pushed his glasses up on his nose. It felt like the millionth time today already as he looked up at the silver name plate over the classroom door. _543_ , he read to himself. _This is it._ He let out a sigh as he shoved the door open. Thankfully, this was his last class of the day. Marketing and Design had been brutal, and Chester had felt rather lost the entire three hours he’d spent between the two classes. 

But this was parenting - his elective class - and he was hoping it would be a cakewalk by comparison. _I just have to get through this and I can go home for the rest of the day. No Score until tomorrow._

It was an encouraging thought as he stood at the back of the class, scanning his options. This room was much smaller than his other two classrooms had been. People were paired off two at a table, and Chester wasn’t sure where he should sit, until someone waved to him. It was a quick search through his memory as he tried to place the guy with the wide smile and head full of brown curly hair. For a moment, he reminded Chester of Brad, even though this guy was much younger. 

At any rate, he was smiling and waving and Chester took comfort in the resemblance to the chef he missed. He crossed the room, zig-zagging around the wooden tables that were each colored yellow, blue, or orange. The guy inviting him over was at a blue table. 

Chester let his leopard print backpack fall from his shoulder as he pointed to the empty seat. “Is this okay?” 

“Sure, man, that’s why I was waving,” the guy said as he motioned to the available spot. “I’m glad you’re here. I need a partner. I was on my own last semester.” 

Chester smiled as he quickly sat down. “That sucks. I’m Chester.” He stuck his hand out to shake the moment his butt was in the seat. 

“I’m Jordan, but everyone calls me Grandson,” he said, accepting Chester’s handshake. “That’s my rockstar name.” 

Chester cocked an eyebrow. “You sing?” 

Jordan shrugged before he grinned. “I do it all. Rapping, singing, screaming. Growling,” he stated with a playful bite of his teeth into the air. “I’m still trying to find my artistic voice. But I’ll get there.” 

Chester turned in his seat so they were facing each other a little better, their knees almost touching. The teacher - a middle-aged woman with short dark hair and a belly - was on the other side of the room, looking like she wasn’t quite prepared for class to start yet, and that was fine with Chester. His other two instructors had been overly punctual. The break was nice. “So what are you taking this class for?” he asked. “Shouldn’t you be in the music program or something?” 

Jordan waved away the theory. “Naw. I don’t want my art influenced by any of this place.” He rolled his eyes around the room. “My art is mine, and I’ll do it however the fuck I want.” 

Chester grinned. He liked Jordan already. He was by far the most interesting - and the most friendly - person Chester had met all day. “I’m down with that.” 

“I’m actually taking some business classes,” Jordan explained with an uninterested shrug. “Gotta be able to hold my own when I do make it big. I need to know how things work so no one can take a piece of me.” 

“That’s smart.” 

Jordan nodded as he leaned back a little in his chair to cross his ankle over his knee. He had on a pair of baggy black shorts, and he picked at them while he looked Chester up and down. He smirked just a little over the black framed glasses that wouldn’t stay put on Chester’s nose, and the lip ring he’d already watched Chester suck in and nurse on twice since he’d sat down. “So what about you?” he asked. “You got a kid at home or something? I mean, I’m only in here because I need the credit, but I think most of these fools already have munchkins or want to sometime soon.”

“I don’t have any kids,” Chester told him right away. “And I’m taking marketing and design classes. The company I’m working for is paying for them, and this one was a freebie. I picked it because it sounded easy.” The moment he said it, he felt dumb, and he dropped his eyes to the faded blue tabletop for a second before he decided to suck it up. There was no reason to make this class sound more important to him than it was. If Forrest hadn’t insisted, he wouldn’t be taking a third class at all. “I’m not really a college guy. I’m only here to get through a few classes so I can do my job better.” 

“Which is?” 

Chester looked over at the very interested glint in Jordan’s brown eyes. “I work for Score Clothing. I used to model for them, but I got promoted to their creative team.” He shrugged, trying to play down how excited he really was over the whole thing. “So I need some classes to keep up with all the college graduates on the team.” 

“Score Clothing,” Jordan hummed, scratching his fingernails over the small amount of scruff on his slender jawline. “I’ve heard of them. You’re a model? I should have guessed. You’re not exactly hard on the eyes, Chester.” 

“Thanks,” Chester managed to say just as the teacher called everyone’s attention. It was time to actually dive into class, and Chester twisted back around towards the front. He took his Parenting book from his bag, and opened it up to the page she said. He glanced to his left to see Jordan doing the same thing. It was nice to have someone to sit with, someone that didn’t seem like an entitled asshole, like some of the other students he’d run into already. 

“Hey,” Jordan whispered with a slight nudge to Chester’s elbow. “If you’re free after this, we should grab lunch. I’m about to starve.” 

Food sounded amazing, but Chester hesitated. He wasn’t sure what Mike’s schedule was like. Lunch wasn’t something they got to do together very often during the week, and Chester had to assume today would be no different. But he also knew Mike would probably feel uneasy about Chester going to eat with someone else. “Um, maybe,” he whispered back. “I’m free, but I have to go let my dog out as soon as class is over.” 

“You have a dog?” Jordan asked, his voice going from a hushed whisper to extreme interest. “Alright, lunch or no lunch, I want to hear all about your K-9 after class.” 

**** 

Matt was headed back to his apartment when he spied Mike’s boyfriend ahead of him, walking with someone who wasn’t Mike. He’d taught his two undergrad classes, gone to a meeting, and was ready to grab a nap before he headed to his three hour graduate lecture. The first days back in the classroom were always tiring, and instead of heading out to lunch with Dan and the guys, he just wanted some quiet time. But seeing Chester perked up his mood, and Matt’s steps quickened to get closer.

The pair was chatting back and forth, and the guy with Chester was talking animatedly, his hands gesturing all over the place. _What a hyped-up dude. And look at that hair. It’s all over the place._ Matt couldn’t see much of the second man’s face, just a profile here and there when he turned to add to the conversation. Matt didn’t get close enough to eavesdrop, holding back to make sure Chester didn’t spy him while he followed the two of them. 

He tagged along far enough to see the two start up the steps to Mike’s apartment, and Matt stopped in the courtyard to watch. The curly headed guy kept pace with Chester all the way to the front door, and Matt watched them disappear. The first thought that came to mind was that Chester had a key to Mike’s place, which didn’t completely surprise him. Even though Mike tried to downplay the amount of time Chester spent at the apartment, Matt knew they were practically living together. But the idea that Chester, on the first day of classes, was walking around campus with someone else and inviting them into the apartment seemed off.

The thought to shrug it off and go on for his planned nap was there, but curiosity was stronger. He lingered in the courtyard for a moment before he turned around and headed to the library. Chances were about fifty-fifty that he’d find Mike in the corner on the third floor, meticulously outlining the first chapter of his second music history course. Matt had to admit Mike was a dedicated student. As much as Matt enjoyed the subject matter, as an undergrad he’d also enjoyed a healthy social life. He _still_ enjoyed a social life, and regularly tried to get Mike to participate to no avail. But if Mike was in the library, in his usual study spot, it would mean he had no idea Chester had another man in the apartment. It was the perfect open door to walk through, to break the news of his cheating model boyfriend and then pick up the pieces of a sad Mike Shinoda.

All the way back to the library, Matt thought what that might look like. He expected Mike to gather all of his things to see for himself. After all, there was no reason for Mike to take his word. Matt could go to his lecture and then text Mike later, after the storm had passed, offering a drink and a shoulder to cry on. He was completely wrapped up in the idea that what he had witnessed was Chester with someone on the side. After all, it was a college campus. It wouldn’t be the first time a relationship had gone down in flames for cheating. 

Matt didn’t stop downstairs for coffee, instead taking the stairs up to the third floor of the library without even a pause. His heart was racing, excited at all of the possibilities that could be opening up. He thought about texting Dan but held off. There would be time to collect on their bet later. Right now he needed to focus, to make sure that when he texted later, Mike would take him up on the offer.

Just as he’d hoped, Mike was there, books all around him. Matt looked the other man over, at his open light blue flannel that was too close in color to his light blue jeans, his standard white t-shirt, the way he was concentrating and chewing on his bottom lip. He looked far more interested in what he was reading than he had in Matt’s class earlier, but Matt shrugged it off. Mike was good at theory, and he didn’t expect that he would be able to entertain the piano student on a daily basis. 

“Hey, Mike,” he said quietly, dropping his bag on the table with a muffled thump. “Do you ever go home? How are you studying on the first day?” Matt pulled out a chair and made a point to dig in his bag for a pen and a folder of first day questionnaires. 

Mike looked up in surprise and annoyance. He had decided to go to the library instead of the apartment before his afternoon applied music class, and now it seemed as though he’d made the wrong choice. “Hey, Matt,” he mumbled, putting his attention right back on his book.

“How’s the morning been?” Matt asked, looking over the spread on the table. “You can’t possibly already have enough work to be here.”

“Just getting a jump on my outline for Nelson’s class,” Mike replied. “Didn’t feel like walking back to the apartment and then turning around and coming back. Usually I can get some work done without being interrupted,” he said pointedly. “Why are you here?” he tossed back, not looking at Matt before he wrote a line in his notebook.

“Well, I _was_ going to go take a nap before my lecture this afternoon, but I decided I could use the time more efficiently. I can sleep later.” Matt flipped open the folder and pulled out some papers, then tilted his head in Mike’s direction. “Talked to Chester? How’s his first day been?”

Mike finally looked up, his black felt tip pen paused over his paper. “Not yet. We don’t talk much during the day when he’s working, I guess I hadn’t thought about it. I’m used to him being at work, not at school.” Mike felt over the pocket of his jeans for his phone, then pulled it out. He had a missed text from Chester about his lunch plans, and Mike frowned. He’d had his phone on silent for class and forgotten to turn the vibration back on. It was too late for him to have lunch now, and he didn’t want to admit he would have been able to meet up if he’d been paying attention, so he put the phone back in his pocket. He’d text Chester after the next class, when he was on his way back to the apartment.

“I saw him earlier, I think,” Matt said. “No, pretty sure it was him. Walking with some dude with this curly hair.” He watched Mike’s face as he motioned around his head, filling the air with a non-existent mass of curls. It was disappointing that Mike didn’t even make a face.

“Oh, that’s Brad.” Mike didn’t even think twice. It made sense that Chester had met up with Brad somehow, when he’d texted about lunch. “Good, I bet that hit the spot.” 

Matt sat back and crossed his arms. _Hit the spot? That’s a weird thing to say._ “So that guy’s someone you know?” he pressed, trying to figure out who the guy was that he’d seen with Chester. Mike didn’t seem very concerned, which was interesting. 

Mike didn’t look back at Matt. He just wanted his teacher to get the hint that he was in the library to study, not to socialize. “Yeah, we’re cool.” He couldn’t concentrate with Matt watching him. He started a little doodle in the corner of the page. 

Matt decided to change tracks. “I guess it’s good Chester is a student now, since he’s got a key to your apartment.”

“What?” Mike said, finally looking over. He could feel his pulse picking up a little. It _was_ a good thing that Chester was a student, as far as being on campus went, but Mike’s little apartment was meant for one, not two, and he didn’t want to get kicked out. He couldn’t even blame Chester having a key on Cheese - he wasn’t supposed to have a dog, either.

“I’m just saying, he must have a key if you’re sitting here and him and Brad went into your apartment.”

Mike capped his pen and put it down. “You’re nosey,” he hissed, unable to stop himself. He was tired of Matt’s constant concern for what he and Chester were doing. “Unless you’re getting ready to report me, don’t worry about it.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not out to get you, Mike. I’m not telling anyone Chester’s shacking up with you. But if you guys are bringing someone else into the mix, you’re gonna lift more eyebrows. It won’t be me that turns you in, but someone else could.” Matt lifted his eyebrow as though something had just occurred to him. “And let’s not even mention the dog.”

“You keep saying you’re not out to get me, but you sure do know a lot about what I’m doing.” Mike flipped his notebook closed and started to gather up his books, stuffing them into his backpack. “I’ve got a class to go to. Good luck with your… whatever you’re doing.” Mike flipped a hand toward Matt’s papers. 

Matt looked at his watch. Classes started on the hour. It was only half past noon. “Sure, okay. Sorry to get you all upset. I didn’t realise you guys were in an open relationship. You’ve been so closed off from everyone, I just assumed things were different with you guys. Exclusive.” 

The word exclusive stopped Mike for a moment. He looked at Matt, trying to figure out if his teacher knew things he shouldn’t about his and Chester’s past. It was a word that had been thrown around YRS so many times he’d come to hate the way it sounded. But it didn’t look like Matt had any thoughts other than whatever he was trying to figure out about how Brad fit into their lives. It was a swift decision that it was none of Matt’s business. “Open relationship,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You got that from Brad being around? He’s family, okay? And Chester and I are in _no way_ in an open relationship.” His mouth fumbled around the words _open relationship,_ a flash of memory from the loft coming to mind. It hadn’t felt that way when he and Chester were living with Ryan and Jason, but looking back, there were elements there. The night they all got drunk together came to mind and he violently pushed it away.

“Enjoy your lecture,” he said, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. It was too early to go to his next class, but he wasn’t going to sit there with Matt any longer. He’d make a quick stop downstairs for some coffee and a snack to kill time.

“Sorry I upset you,” Matt said again to Mike’s back. “Just trying to keep you out of trouble!”

Mike didn’t look back or acknowledge Matt at all. All he knew at this point was he was one more confrontation with Matt closer to asking his advisor to put him in a different theory section with a different T.A. 

His irritation faded during his applied music class. Matt was the last person on his mind when he left for home an hour later, shooting Chester a quick apology when he stepped back out into the L.A. sunshine. He was ready to get home and find out how things had gone on Chester’s first day as a college student, and play with Cheese a little. Mike didn’t know what to expect for the remainder of the day, but he assumed Chester would need to read a little, and he could practice, too. It was fun to think about them doing their school work together. 

Cheese was all over him when he walked in the door. “Hey, Cheese!” he cooed, dropping his backpack to scoop her up. He laughed as she kissed all over him. “Where’s your daddy, huh?” he asked, looking over the living room. There was only one place Chester could be, and he headed toward the bedroom. “Ches? Where are you?” 

Chester looked up from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed, sorting through books and papers. A lot of papers. There were things he needed to read and sign, and he wasn’t calmed down enough from the day to do any of it yet. “I’m in here!” he shouted just as Mike appeared in the doorway. Chester grinned. “See? You found me before I could even answer.” 

“There’s not too many places you can hide.” Mike’s eyes went wide as he looked at all of Chester’s papers. He wasn’t even a full-time student. “Wow, I was gonna ask how your day went, but it looks like your day exploded on our bed.” He put Cheese down and stepped over to kiss Chester on top of the head. “How’s my college boyfriend?” 

Chester instantly reached for Mike’s ass, sliding his hand under the tail end of Mike’s blue flannel. It wasn’t a sexual move, but one of familiarity. “Exploded is probably right,” he sighed. “Why give us all this crap when we have these fucking expensive-ass text books?” He shrugged before he looked up, his glasses sliding back into place. “It’s been okay. Marketing and Design were tough, but Parenting class was fun. Well, not fun. Easier. It was easier.” 

“That was the point of that one, right?” Mike petted his hand over Chester’s head. “I’m glad it was easier. And I think the others will get easier, too. How were these?” He tapped the side of Chester’s glasses. “The reading better?” 

“Yeah, it’s been okay. I can see the little words now.” Chester smiled up at his boyfriend. “How about you? How was your first day back?”

Mike blew out a breath. “Mostly good. I really, really wish I had a new theory teacher.” He shrugged, deciding not to get into all the details. “Other than that, it was fine. Sorry I missed your text. I’m not used to you being around at lunch time.” He gave Chester a smile. “We’ll have to work out a schedule on the days you’re at school. I’d love to meet you at the cafeteria.” 

He stepped back out of Chester’s grip toward the closet, shrugging off his flannel to toss into the hamper. “Speaking of, how’s Brad doing?” He was focused on the closet, which looked like a different explosion of his and Chester’s things, and didn’t turn around to see his boyfriend as he considered changing into a different t-shirt. 

Chester pushed his glasses up as he went back to sorting through papers. “I’m not sure. Haven’t seen him yet. And it’s okay about lunch, I figured you were probably busy.” 

“Haven’t seen him yet?” Mike questioned, turning around. “He wasn’t here with you today?” 

Chester looked up, the foot of the bed right across from the open closet door. “No. Why would Brad be here?” He glanced around the room, quickly trying to think of a reason, but he didn’t come up with anything. 

Both of Mike’s hands went to his hips. “Matt saw you guys coming up here. Today,” he clarified, thinking through the conversation he’d had not two hours ago. “He said he saw you and some curly headed guy heading into the apartment, and was giving me shit about you having a key. He’s a nosey motherfucker, and I told him that.” Mike stopped and cocked his head. “Well, I told him he was nosey. But if it wasn’t Brad, who were you with?” 

“Oh,” Chester said, as he put two and two together. Brad had curly hair, and so did his new friend from Parenting class. “He must have seen me walking with Jordan. He’s my partner in Parenting class. He wanted to see Cheese.” He gestured down to their puppy, who was at Chester’s feet patiently waiting to be paid attention to again. She picked her head up the moment she heard her name. 

“You brought some random guy to our apartment?” Mike asked. He cringed at the tone of his voice, which sounded a little skeptical. Accusatory. “I mean, well… did you?” he tried again, hoping his voice sounded a little softer. 

Chester set his papers aside. “Well yeah. And he wasn’t random. He’s my friend. And we weren’t here long. We took Cheese out to go potty and then I made us a couple of quick sandwiches for lunch and he left. He’s a nice guy. He won’t tell anyone about her,” he said, pointing down at their dog. “He’s a real fuck-the-system kinda guy. I figured it would be okay. I texted you to see if you were going to be around to join us, but you didn’t answer.” 

Mike felt his shoulders relax. He dropped his hands from his hips. “Yeah, I missed your text. Sorry about that. I could have been here,” he realized as he was speaking. “It’s cool you made a friend here already. Seems like y’all talked a lot, if you already know his personality like that.” Mike abandoned the idea of finding another shirt and stepped back over to Chester. “Sorry I sounded kinda harsh. It’s just, you don’t really know people, you know? Be careful who you bring around. I try to mostly keep to myself.” He held out his hand for Chester to take. He wanted a sandwich, and he wanted Chester to come to the kitchen with him.

Chester squeezed Mike’s hand before he stood up and let himself be led down the hallway, and into the kitchen. He knew it was true. Mike had always been one to keep to himself - to keep Chester to himself - but that wasn’t in Chester’s nature. Chester loved people. “Jordan’s cool, so don’t worry about it,” he said as Mike kept hold of him while he got out the bread and then lunch meat from the refrigerator. Chester was pretty sure this whole sandwich making process would go faster with two hands, but he wasn’t going to say anything. “I told him all about you. All about us,” he offered with a smile. “I showed him all your paintings and told him how talented you are. How you’re so good you teach kids how to play piano.” 

“Really?” Mike glanced over at his boyfriend before he squirted a bit of mustard on his bread. “Thanks, babe. Maybe we can all meet up for lunch after your next class. I have an hour on Monday, Wednesday, Friday between history and applied music. I’d like to meet him.” He knew it would be easier for everyone if he and this Jordan knew each other and got along. At least he’d learned that lesson with Ryan. 

He finally let go of Chester’s hand to open the lunchmeat and put slices of ham on his bread. “What’s in the plan for the rest of today? Paperwork?” He slapped the top slice of bread on his sandwich and went to put the meat and mustard back in the refrigerator. “Want anything while I’m in here?” he asked from the other side of the door. 

Chester leaned his butt against the counter and stuck his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “No, I’m good. And yeah, the three of us should do lunch sometime. You’ll like him. He’s going to be famous one day. His rockstar name is _Grandson_ ,” he said with a bit of a chuckle. “And I think I want some coffee before I go back to my pile of papers.” He looked across the tiny kitchen at their coffee maker, hoping Mike would want some, too. It was always more fun to drink coffee together.

“Mmm, coffee,” Mike mumbled as he leaned against the counter with his sandwich. “I want some. We can have coffee and play with Cheese before we get busy. Coffee and Cheese,” he smirked, thinking how funny that sounded. “Which don’t go together, but they do in this house.” 

Chester agreed as he set to work to make their favorite brew. Cheese had followed them from the bedroom, and she was waiting just outside the kitchen. It was rewarding to see her finally obeying the rule of ‘stay out of the kitchen’ when he and Mike were both in there trying to get something done. There just wasn’t enough room for the three of them, and Cheese always ended up getting stepped on. “I don’t know, now that you mention it, I might have some cheese. Not Cheeseburger, but actual cheese.” Chester nodded towards the refrigerator. 

Mike had to laugh at the dog. “Everytime she hears her name she wants to come in here, her little butt wiggles. In retrospect, we probably should have named her something else. We talk about cheese all the time.” He split his attention between watching Cheese and watching Chester while he finished his sandwich. Mike glanced at his watch. The sandwich was less of a lunch and more of a pre-dinner snack. “What are we doing for dinner?” he asked, wiping his hands on a napkin and throwing it away. From the corner of his eye he saw Cheese give up and head into the living room, probably to get a toy.

“I’m thinking spaghetti,” Chester said as he got to work on making coffee. “And garlic bread. I need the carbs if I’m going to make it through all this reading.” He glanced over just in time to see Cheese sitting back in the doorway, her Christmas mouse between her paws. “And I can’t imagine calling her anything else.” He was getting ready to make a comment about how Mike was right, on a daily basis they _did_ talk about cheese a lot, and was that weird? But his phone buzzed with a text instead. He plucked it from the pocket of his shorts to see a text from Jordan, asking about the assignment they’d been given. They had five questions they had to answer for their next class, and he was curious about Chester’s answer to number four. 

“And meatballs?” Mike asked, smiling at Cheese and her mouse. “She loves this mouse,” he said to Chester, poking him on his way across the kitchen. He gave his boyfriend a quick glance over his shoulder when he leaned down to get the mouse from Cheese. She had already backed away, ready for Mike to throw the toy for her to chase. Chester’s focus was on his phone, and he hadn’t answered yet. 

Chester rolled his eyes as he texted back. 

**Chester** _Sorry, man, I haven’t even dived into the reading/questions yet. I’ll let you know when I get there._

“Ches? Meatballs?” Mike asked again, tossing the mouse toward the bedroom. Cheese took off, attacking the mouse with both paws before she grabbed it and came back to Mike, ready for another toss. 

Chester pocketed his phone. “You bet, Sexy Boy. Skillet meatballs and cheesy garlic bread.” He smiled as he watched his boyfriend toss the toy down the hallway before he put his attention back on the task at hand. He got down two coffee mugs just as the kitchen started to smell like dark roast coffee. “Do you have homework? I can stay in the bedroom to finish mine or we can camp out on the couch and do stuff together.” He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he had it back out a second later. 

**Grandson:** _That’s cool. Guess I’m the nerd between the two of us. Hit me up when you’re ready._

Chester texted a quick _okay_ back before heading for the refrigerator to get the milk for his coffee and the little sugar bowl off the bar, a spoon from the drawer. “I’m hoping mine won’t take all night.” 

Mike wiggled the mouse away from Cheese and threw it again. “I’ve got some, and then I need to practice. It would be nice to work on the couch together.” He looked over and flashed Chester a smile. “It’s nice that we’ll both be working together, you know? I won’t feel like I’m boring you.” Cheese brought him the mouse again, and waited for him to tug it from her mouth. It was his favorite part of the game. “I’ve got a theory assignment and then I’m going to finish my reading and outlining. I’ll be done in time to help with dinner, if you want it. Or I’ll practice while you cook. Whichever.” 

The coffee maker went off, and Chester poured their cups. “I’ll always take help from you, my sexy cooking assistant.” He smirked to himself as he watched what he was doing. If he didn’t, he’d have coffee all over everything. “I’ll grab my stuff and come out here. I know it looks like a mess, but a lot of it is just stuff I have to read and sign. I have a little reading in my marketing book to do and an assignment for parenting. Shouldn’t be too bad.” 

He turned around and took the two steps to leave Mike’s black coffee on the bar. “Here’s yours,” he said, watching as Mike played fetch with Cheese. “Did you finish your sandwich already?” He looked around, though he wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like Mike was trying to hide his ham and cheese. “You must have been starving.” 

“Yeah, I only had a snack between classes. And that was kind of like a snack sandwich.” Mike stood up to get his coffee, and Cheese paused mid-step. “Okay, pupper, we’ll play a little more, but then I have to work. And so does Ches.” He realized how strange it would be for their little dog for both of them to be absorbed in books at the same time. Usually when he studied, Chester paid attention to Cheese while he did other things around the apartment. For the first time since the whole idea of Chester going to school came up, Mike realized he was going to need to help out a little more. It wasn’t fair to put all of the laundry, cleaning, and cooking on Chester. Now they both had classes, and jobs. 

He made a mental note to himself to be sure to do some laundry later as he snagged his coffee and took it to the couch. “Thanks, babe.” The cup went onto the coffee table and he dragged his backpack closer, digging out his theory book and staff paper. It would be faster to knock out his theory first. Chester had gone into the bedroom to collect his stuff, and Mike made space for him on the couch and coffee table, smiling at the thought of them having coffee and studying. _I’ll be spending less time in the library with him studying, too. We can study together._ It was a happy thought, and Mike grabbed his new package of his favorite black Ticonderoga pencils, pulling one out to get started.

The two of them worked for a while in silence, Cheese resting on the floor between the coffee table and front door where she could see them with her chin on her mouse. Mike was fully absorbed in his theory assignment, his bottom lip between his teeth while he carefully wrote out the notes and notated the chords and inversions. More than once he looked over at Chester when he sighed, but his help wasn’t requested. Mike wasn’t going to insert himself into Chester’s reading, or give any thoughts on how to remember what was being read, unless he was asked. But he did smile every time he looked over and saw Chester’s black framed glasses. He couldn’t help it; he thought his lover was sexy in the newest accessory. Chester only wore them for reading, and Mike wished he would wear them more. 

Before he knew it, Chester was standing up and stretching, and Cheese was wiggling by the front door. Mike capped his highlighter and left it in the crack of his music history book, taking the opportunity to stand up and stretch, too. As soon as he moved, his stomach rumbled. He threw Chester a grin. “Must be time to start dinner. Are you in a good stopping place? I’ll take Cheese out if you want to get stuff together, and decide what I can help with. I’ll get my Hot Chester Assignment when we get back.” 

With a yawn, Chester nodded. “Yeah. I’m good. My head is going to explode if I read anymore. I think I got everything, and if not I’ll finish at Score tomorrow. Fuck. I gotta go all the way to the office early in the morning.” He glanced at his watch. It _was_ time to start dinner. He was tired, and he knew that after eating and grabbing a shower, he would not want to dive back into reading. “Take the kiddo out and I’ll get meatball awesomeness started.” He took the half step over to plop a kiss to Mike’s warm neck before heading to the kitchen. He’d get everything ready and figure out what Mike could do to help. He’d text Jordan back his answer to question four, already hoping it wouldn’t turn into a long conversation. He liked his new friend, but his brain was worn out. He didn’t want to get into a back and forth over the assignment Chester had only jotted down one sentence answers to. 

Cheese was already pulling toward the door when Mike got her harness snapped. “I love your meatballs,” he praised before he walked out with Cheese. She was her typical self, stopping to sniff everything, and Mike didn’t rush her. They were having a relaxing evening at home, so it was fine if she took ten minutes to do her business. He knew Chester wouldn’t really mind, either. Usually the less he was in the kitchen and in the way, the better. Mike knew Chester was only indulging him in the kitchen. His boyfriend was absolutely capable of doing everything, and could do most if it fast if Mike wasn’t in the way. But he loved trying, and Chester didn’t know it yet, but he was going to insist on doing the dishes tonight. _It’s his first day of school. He can shower first, and I’ll do the dishes. Maybe he’ll be up for a back rub or something before bed._

Mike watched Cheese play for another minute before he took her back upstairs, carrying her the way he always did. Thoughts of someday having a yard, a safe place for her to play outside without steps, crossed his mind. _He said maybe at the end of the semester we could look for a place. We need something on the ground floor for Cheese. I bet we can find that. That will be a priority. That and a huge closet._

He kept Cheese in his arms until he got inside. “We’re back,” he called, unsnapping Cheese. “Did you think of my assignment?” 

The moment Chester heard Mike come in the door, he stuck his phone back in his pocket. “You can chop up some onion and tomato for the sauce,” he said as he moved around the kitchen. “I’ve already got the onion for the meatballs.” He grabbed the little wooden cutting board for the vegetables and set it on the bar before he got down his cast iron skillet and the meat from the refrigerator. “I’m so hungry,” he mumbled as he worked. “I’m going to stuff myself till I can’t walk. You might have to roll me to bed.” He glanced to the left with a smile, watching as Mike washed his hands at the sink. 

“At least it’s not too far away,” Mike teased, drying off his hands and looking at the vegetables. “Chunky on tomatoes, small on the onion,” he said to himself, deciding to cut the onions first, since the tomatoes tended to get a little messy. It wasn’t his first time on vegetable cutting duty. He got busy, since it took him a little longer than Chester to dice the way he’d been shown. A measuring cup appeared at his side, along with a kiss to his cheek and the instruction for half a cup of onions, and all of the tomatoes.

Mike looked over the bar at Cheese. She was looking at the couch like she wished she could jump up on it and lay down. “Just a minute,” he called to the dog while he cut tomatoes. “Here, Ches, I’m finished. Anything else?” He turned around to check and see if Chester had heard him.

“Nope. Thanks for helping,” Chester offered as he nodded towards the messy cutting board that was now tomato stained. “I got everything else if you have something you need to go do while all this is cooking.” He was just finished with placing his last meatball in the cast iron skillet and had them on the heat. In no time they’d be cooked through enough to add in the homemade sauce he and Mike had just made together. He’d get the noodles on and the bread into the oven under the broiler, and in less than thirty minutes they’d have plates full of spaghetti.

“I’m gonna practice so that after we eat, I’m free.” Mike stepped over to wash and dry his hands, then leaned over to kiss the back of Chester’s neck on his way out of the kitchen. “All free for you,” he whispered, letting his fingers rub over Chester’s lower back for a minute. Before he sat down at the piano, he picked Cheese up and put her on the couch, then opened up his music and got busy. 

It didn’t take long for the spaghetti to be ready. By the time Chester had scooped two massive servings on their plates, along with cheesy garlic bread, all conversation stopped. They sat side by side at the bar, gobbling down their food like they hadn’t eaten for days, and Chester understood for the first time, at least a little bit, why Mike’s appetite ran so high during the school week.

“Not to brag, but that was fucking good,” Chester said as he stood up with his empty plate. “I’m going to jump in the shower. I’ll do the dishes when I get out.” He walked around the bar and made it to the sink. He rinsed off what little bit of spaghetti sauce was left on his plate before he left it there. 

Mike looked up from finishing his second serving, a little surprised. He popped his last bite of garlic bread in his mouth and stood up, passing Chester on the way to the bathroom. “Okay,” he agreed, knowing it worked out great for him to clean up instead of Chester. “Enjoy.”

Chester was already in the bedroom stripping off his clothes, and Mike could barely hear him yell something back in response. He just shrugged his shoulders and looked over the kitchen quickly. It wasn’t too messy. The lack of space and Chester’s neatness in the kitchen hadn’t left him with too much to wash. He put away the little bit of leftover spaghetti first, and then tackled the plates and the pots that everything had been cooked in. _I hate cleaning this cast iron skillet. As many times as I’ve seen Chester clean it, I’m still not super comfortable with it. I’m always afraid I’ll mess it up._

In a few minutes he was finished, wiping down the counter, and Cheese was peeking around the corner at him. “Oh, you’re ready to eat, too, aren’t you?” He asked, opening the cabinet where her food was kept. The second she saw him grab the bag, she was over at her bowl, waiting. “Silly. I’ll have to take you out again before we go to bed,” he decided. She was much better at waiting than she used to be, and he knew she’d make it until he and Chester were ready for bed. 

The bag went back in the cabinet and he looked around the kitchen, making sure everything was done correctly. The dishes were dripping dry over the sink and he’d put away the food, and cleaned up. It all looked more or less the way it did when Chester took charge. _Good. I’ll shower and then we can relax for awhile._ He headed for the bedroom, pulling his t-shirt over his head as he went. He expected Chester to be out of the bathroom soon, and he was ready to wash away the day and get comfortable. 

A few minutes later and Chester was out of the bathroom. He was dressed down in only his underwear, his joggers left on the bed. He was ready to step towards the bedroom, but heard Mike’s voice coming from the living room. Chester raised his eyebrow in amusement as he headed that way. He could hear his boyfriend talking to Cheese, seemingly giving her some sort of informational speech about dropping food around her bowl. Chester stopped just inside the room to watch. 

“See?” Mike said to the terrier. “Look, if you will just keep your face over the bowl, you won’t make such a mess. When you get food everywhere, someone has to clean it up. I mean, I guess you could eat it off the floor, but you’re too much of a princess to do that, aren’t you?” He used the small brush and dustpan to clean up the messy remnants of Cheese’s meal while she watched. “I mean, I keep my messes over my plate, you know?” 

Chester left his spot to come further into the room. “You’re so cute, you know that?” he asked, ghosting his eyes up and down Mike’s naked torso. “It still thrills me everytime I see you walking around in the open without your shirt on.” 

Mike stood up with the dustpan in his hand, and he felt his cheeks flush a little. “I was getting ready for my shower and she came in there at my toes again, and I don’t know how we ended up out here.” He gestured at the room with the brush before he threw the dropped food in the trash and put everything away. “Anyway. I’ll go get mine now so we can snuggle.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully on his way to touch Chester’s bare skin. “You’re always half naked in the house.” 

Chester turned into Mike’s touch, his hands going to his boyfriend’s waist. “I like being half naked. It’s comfortable.” He smiled as he looked into Mike’s dark eyes. They’d come so far from where they started three years ago. “Besides, I like seeing my tattoos and it’s hard to do that with a bunch of clothes on.” His attention coasted south, from Mike’s rueful face to the gold necklace. It was instinct. Chester brought one hand up to touch it, to hold the medallion between his fingers like it was precious. 

“I love your tattoos,” Mike returned before he looked down at Chester’s hand on Ryan’s necklace. _My necklace._ He watched Chester’s face for a second, and almost asked him what he was thinking about. He didn’t want to get into talks of Ryan at the moment, though. They’d had a good afternoon together, and even though things with Ryan were better, Mike could never be sure how the conversation was going to go when he was brought up. Lately there had been far more good news than bad, and their friendship seemed to be back on track, but he wasn’t going to take a chance. 

He looked from Chester’s face to his shoulders and the colorful tattoos. Chester was right. It was a shame to keep them covered. Mike wasn’t complaining when he got to admire the artwork. He reached up with both hands, sliding them up Chester’s biceps slowly. “You know, you could get something across your collarbone, something to tie them together,” he mused absently, sliding his hands further up onto Chester’s shoulders and then up toward his neck to trace his boyfriend’s collarbone with his thumbs. Mike stopped right as his thumbs hit the little dip in Chester’s collarbone, his fingers wrapped lightly around his neck. 

The moment Mike’s hands wrapped around Chester’s neck, instinct kicked in. “Don’t!” Chester shouted. “No!” He slapped at Mike’s chest, shoving him away. Chester bolted backwards. He shook his head back and forth, one hand protectively in front of his throat. “Don’t do that,” he said, his voice quivering as he took another step back. His face felt hot, his heartbeat doubled from its relaxed state only seconds ago. Everything inside of him was zipping, his nerves tense and his muscles suddenly on high alert. 

Instantly Mike’s hands went up, even as he caught his balance from unexpectedly being shoved. “Sorry! I’m sorry!” Chester’s eyes were huge and Mike’s body was suddenly on alert; it was obvious what his misstep had been. For months he’d been aware - overly aware- of the trauma left behind by the collar they had once enjoyed together. He’d carefully avoided anything that would remind Chester of the accessory or of being choked. He’d consciously kept his hands away from his boyfriend’s neck, especially in the bedroom, and now he’d messed up. “Ches, I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry!” He froze where he was, unsure what to do next. The last thing he wanted to do was escalate things. 

It was a few seconds of staring at each other, of calming down. Of feeling things come back into focus. Chester wrapped his arms around himself, and it was in that moment he realized he was still in nothing but his underwear, which suddenly felt very unsafe. “I didn’t mean to hit you,” he said in Mike’s direction. His body was still shaking as he made his way out of the room and headed down the hallway. He needed to find something to wear, something to cover himself. 

Mike didn’t drop his hands to his sides until Chester turned away. He shook his head when Chester apologized for shoving him, but he didn’t say anything. His eyes flipped to Cheese over on the couch. She was sitting up, watching them. “Hey,” Mike whispered, walking over to her and picking her up. “I messed up.” He held her close to his bare chest and headed toward the bedroom, stopping in the door to watch Chester. “Ches… babe, I’m so sorry,” he offered again. 

Chester pulled a white t-shirt over his head before he stepped back out of the small closet and looked at his boyfriend holding their dog. “I know,” he whispered. “I’m not mad, just...I need a few minutes.” He shook both his hands, like he was trying to get the feeling to come back into them. “Everything’s all messed up. My insides.” He was still breathing with his mouth open, but a second later he pulled his piercing in to suck on it instead. One hand went back to the front of his neck, the other around his stomach. He needed more than a t-shirt, but Mike was standing close to their dresser where all their underwear, joggers, and socks were stashed, and Chester wasn’t ready to cross the space between them yet. 

“I… okay.” Mike saw Chester’s eyes hit the dresser and he took a step back. “How about I leave Cheese with you and go take my shower? If you need a minute, if you want me to leave.” His heart hurt. He didn’t want to be the reason Chester was messed up inside, but he was. Mike's eyes dropped to Cheese, who was cuddled in his arms. Cheese wasn’t afraid of him. 

Chester didn’t move as he agreed quietly that would be best. He watched from his place in front of the closet as Mike carefully set Cheese on the bed, and scooped up his clothes he’d set out earlier for his shower instead. Chester waited until Mike was gone, until he heard the bathroom door close, before he dropped his arms. “Fuck,” he whispered, his breating still unstable. “Fuck. Fuck,” he hissed before he went over and sat down on the end of the bed. His elbows were on his bare knees, his head in hands as he closed his eyes. 

His thoughts were blank as he concentrated on his breathing instead. The feel of his heart beating, the sound of his inhales and exhales, until everything calmed down another notch or two. It wasn’t until he felt Cheese’s warm fur touch his arm that he picked his head up and looked down at her. “I’m sorry, Cheese. I’m okay.” He reached to pet her, gentle strokes over her head and down her back before he stood up. He went right to the dresser and pulled out a pair of plain black joggers and white socks. He pulled both on before he rubbed his bare arms, looking from the neatly made bed to the hallway. It had been a long day, and every bit of energy he had left was now drained. 

Chester stepped to the doorway to click the bedroom light off. The room went a shade of gray, the hallway light leaving room to see. Chester climbed into his side of the bed, and pulled the blankets up close. He closed his eyes and hid his face into the pillow as he curled up into a little ball. He welcomed the comfort of their small puppy as she wiggled her way to lay down close to him. He wasn’t sure if sleep would come, but he didn’t think he could do anything else. Not right now. 

When Mike shut the bathroom door he stood here for a second, listening. He couldn’t hear anything. He dropped his head instead of looking at himself in the mirror, staring at the medallion resting against his skin. _I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I’m so stupid. I know he can’t stand anything touching his neck, why in the world did I do that?_ The shame was almost overwhelming. He slumped against the door, his head going back to rest on it as he closed his eyes. _That will never go away. I did that. I made him afraid of me._

Logically, he knew there were only certain situations - like when he threw the glass ball, when he shouted, when he touched Chester’s neck - that were triggering. But it was a lot. It was a product of his own issues, the jealousy, the possessiveness, that he was trying to be mindful of now. Right now it felt like his attention to those shortcomings was too little, too late. _But I love him. He knows that. And he loves me. I know that he does. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m trying so hard._

Mike spent another moment on that thought before he pushed himself off the door and started the water. Clearly the rest of their evening was hanging in the balance, and he needed to sort out his next move. He had already apologized. More than once. Whether Chester would be open to talking to him about how he felt remained to be seen. Mike was ready to listen, to validate Chester’s feelings, and ask how he could do better, but they had been together long enough to know if Chester was asking for space, it could be longer than a few minutes. 

He finished his shower mindlessly, his thoughts focused on Chester and their relationship. Things had been good between them, better than he could have expected, over the past few months. Tonight was a clear signal that he might never be able to stop actively working on his problems. He dried off and got dressed, and opened the bathroom door quietly. 

Cheese didn’t come to lick his toes the way she always did, and the bedroom light was off. Mike was biting his bottom lip, slowly walking the few steps down the hall to the bedroom. He’d peeked into the living room, and seen that Chester wasn’t there. He wasn’t sure what he was going to find in the bedroom. Even through the dim lighting he could see that Chester was in the bed already, with Cheese curled up behind him. They looked peaceful together.

“Ches?” Mike whispered, coming closer to his side of the bed. Chester’s back was to him, the blanket pulled up high. “Are you sleeping?” Cheese picked her head up and looked his way.

Chester opened his eyes and stared at the wall. “Not yet. I know it’s still early. You don’t have to stay with me.” He curled his fist into the blanket and buried himself a little deeper into the bed. 

“I’d like to, if you’ll let me.” Mike knew he’d need to take Cheese out if they were going to bed, but he didn’t know if Chester wanted him or not.

Chester didn’t need to see Mike to know that his boyfriend looked miserable. That was the last thing Chester wanted. Two hurt people wouldn’t help anything. “Okay,” he said, making sure his voice was loud enough for Mike to hear him. 

Relief swept over Mike in a rush. “Okay, let me take Cheese out for the night.” He reached his hand out. “Come here, Cheese,” he called, and their puppy came right to him. “Let’s go potty. We’re going to bed early tonight.” She didn’t seem to be overly excited to go out, and Mike frowned. _At least she’ll be quick._ He picked Cheese up and looked back over at Chester. “I’ll be right back, babe.” 

Mike got Cheese harnessed and carried her outside, thinking about how adamant Chester had been that they not put a collar on the terrier. It seemed like such a long time ago when they had stood in the pet store and picked out her yellow accessories. He had to coax her to pee, but she finally got it done, and then they were back in the apartment. Cheese ran back to the bedroom, but Mike took a moment to wash his hands and turn off all the lights before he followed. Now it was dark and quiet, and Cheese had gone directly to her pink zebra print bed. “Good girl, Cheese,” he praised quietly, and then moved the blanket to slide into bed.

It wasn’t unusual for Chester to face away from him. More often than not, they slept that way, with Chester’s small ass tucked up close to him, and Mike’s arm over his waist. But when he got into bed, Chester didn’t move. He didn’t scoot backwards, scoot closer, or look over his shoulder. Tentatively he reached over, surprised when his hand met the soft cotton of Chester’s t-shirt rather than warm skin.

It was a clear signal that registered in Mike’s mind. The only time Chester slept in clothes was when he was shut down, when he didn’t want to be touched or even talked to, and Mike pulled his hand back. His stomach felt sick. “Good night, Ches. I’ll be right here if you want to talk.” He closed his eyes and let his head drop to his pillow. “I love you.” 

Chester opened his eyes again. He couldn’t see the wall now. The room was dark. “Good night,” he said, not moving. He couldn’t feel Mike behind him - the usual weight against his back - and that was a kind of relief. He didn’t miss that his boyfriend was freely giving him space he needed right now. “I love you, too,” he added before he let out a heavy sigh. He was hoping sleep would come quickly, that the new day would bring some peace with it.

****  
TBC


End file.
